When I was little, we had this way of doing Valentine's day at school. The teacher would dismiss a couple students at a time out into the hallway. There they would artfully select their Valentines and place candy or cards or sometimes gifts in the small cubbies where we kept backpacks that were too big for our bodies. I always had a problem with this method—why all the secrets? At the end of the day, we'd all get to rummage through our cubby, relishing in the spoils. My mom always made sure that I gave a Valentine to everyone. 'Pick no favorite's' she warned me. But I always seemed to find an uneven stack of gifts in mine compared to Keye or Becks or anyone. When I asked my mom why, she would give me an overwhelming sweet smile and say 'It's because you have secret admirers, baby. They like you! Always make sure you take the candy or the gift when a classmate offers it. It's polite.' But I didn't want a secret admirer, I wanted to know who liked me when I stared at the bauble of eyes darting around the room.
Over the next few weeks, Maya visited Paul's house a couple times a week and sometimes on Sundays to study and hangout. After the first few visits, she started to feel more at home. Paul stuck mostly to his workshop when she was around but a couple times after they cooked dinner, Maya plopped on the big leather couch and he slid a movie into his DVD player for them to watch.
Maya quickly grew to love the little blue home that Paul had built. He shared his plans to extend the property eventually one day when she wandered out into his workshop to see what he was up to. The intricately penciled designs were spread over his work bench and he explained each step to Maya who was rapt, running her hands over the measurements.
"What if you did beams here instead? Might cut down on materials, eliminate the need to lower the ceiling, and give you a little bit of charm," she suggested to his renovation outlines. He considered it for a moment and then nodded and bent over the paper to make some changes to his mock up.
"That's actually a great idea, thanks," he said. Maya had been pretty pleased with that even if he didn't do it in the end, she appreciated the consideration.
Her favorite thing about him was quickly becoming the fact that whenever Maya talked about anything, whether that was something that happened during her day, reading her paper out loud to him, or just joking around, he really listened. Throughout her life, Maya always had people pay attention to her, but she never thought they actually listened. Her mother had explained it away as a side effect of being a pretty face, but Maya had quickly rejected that.
Her second favorite thing that was threatening to become her first was his smile. Whenever she pulled a real wide smile from Paul, one that was tinged with laughter or dare she say it, admiration, her heart rocketed into orbit.
Paul's presence in the house was minimal, non-intrusive, but everytime he popped up, either when she was working at the kitchen table, cuddled into the couch pouring over a book, or sitting out on the back porch that overlooked the ocean on a particularly nice day, her body wrapped in one of the thick knitted blankets, he was kind and thoughtful. She was pretty sure Paul's love language was food. He'd always bring her snacks while she was working, often plopping down across from her and eating off the same plate with her. Their time together was easy, slow.
After about three weeks of this new schedule, Maya showed up one Sunday mid-morning to find a key on the kitchen table waiting for her. She eyed it suspiciously and looked around the room as if someone was going to pop out and yell "SIKE! You thought!"
Paul came through the back door ruffling his hair with his hand and walking straight to the sink with a cursory "Hey" at her presence.
"Paul…" she said slowly, still standing. She was wearing a burnt orange sweater dress that clung to her body and had a high neck. Her hair billowed out around her and her cheeks were still pink from the February biting cold. "What's this?" She points to the key on the table.
He looks over his shoulder at her taking a gulp of water and then says, nonchalantly, "A key."
"To what?"
"The house." He said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. His eyes naturally scanned her, taking in her outfit. Maya noticed he always did this when he first saw her—he made sure to take her all in first as if he was taking a long drink of cold water.
"This house?!" Her eyes popped wide.
"What's with the inquisition? Yes, this house. In case you need to come by when I'm not here." He motioned toward the door.
"Is this about me breaking in that one day?" Maya's mind flickered back to the week before when she had texted him last minute that she was coming by. He hadn't answered, but she hadn't thought anything of it until Jeremy pulled away out of his drive and Maya was met with a locked door.
He never locked the door when he was home. Maya knocked, a feeling of dread pulling through her. No answer. After waiting a couple of minutes, she walked around the house to the backyard and saw his workshop was empty too. She tried the double french doors but they were also locked.
"Fuck," she had breathed. Luckily, she had found a window who's lock was loose and she was able to shimmy it open, pulling her body through. She was incredibly proud of herself for being so resourceful. Less than an hour later, Paul had burst through the front door, completely out of breath. Maya leaned up from her prone position on the couch with a small "Hey" and he had immediately launched into an apology about how he missed her text and realized too late that the door was locked and, "Wait, how did you get in?" Maya pointed to the window that she had clearly damaged and he let out a relieved sigh.
Now he laughed and took a swig of water. "No, it's not. But that was impressive."
"Impressive that I made it in from a window that was six feet off the ground or that I managed to break it so bad that you had to completely replace it?"
"Both." he said quickly. He washed his hands and then turned to lean against the sink crossing his arms in front of him.
"Thank you." she said, pocketing the key. He nodded and headed back out to his workshop. For the rest of the night, Maya would absently slip her hand in her pocket and run her hand across the cool metal of the key.
"Happy Valentine's day, fake girlfriend," Jeremy threw his arm around her. She noticed his hair was starting to get shaggy. Valentine's day was weirdly a big deal at her school. The school organized candy grams and rose deliveries throughout the day that students could purchase for their intended crush. Maya and her friends were usually bogged down with so many roses and candy by the end of the day they couldn't close their small locker's properly.
Maya was always weirdly excited about Valentine's day. She loved the way it made her feel, even if she was never in a relationship, she just genuinely loved seeing other people happy, embracing, and in love around her.
She dressed for the occasion, with a dark red top, with a sweetheart neckline. It was slightly cropped but had thick fabric ties that she looped around her waist to accentuate it and tied in a dainty bow in the back. She paired it with her black skinny jeans, some black heeled boots, and some dark red lipstick that warmed her entire face. She'd pulled her hair up in a thick ponytail and was careful to curl it so it swooped out and finished the look with a soft white bow that she tied around the base of her ponytail.
"Awww, happy valentine's day, fake boyfriend," Maya said sweetly. She threaded her arms around his neck and he scooped her up in a hug. They'd grown incredibly close in the short time together. Maya often found herself confiding in Jeremy during passing periods. He'd come over to her place or meet her at the library to study and do homework and he'd even started talking to her about Paul a little more. They looked like a real couple at school.
"Close your eyes," he said seriously. Maya smiled and closed them as Jeremy reached for her hands and put them together, palms facing up. He placed a slim square box in her hand and said, "Okay open."
Maya immediately looked down to the box in her hand and then shot an elated grin up at Jeremy. He looked so pleased and waited patiently for her to open it. Maya was careful to untie the bow and when she pulled open the top box, she saw two thick gold bangles in the box. She gasped.
"Oh my god, Jeremy, these are beautiful!" she said. Her mother had always taught her that telling someone something a gift was too much was a ploy for attention and you should always sound grateful. She slipped the bangles over her wrist and smiled at how they tinkled together. "They're amazing, how did you know I liked gold?" Flattery will get you everywhere, her mother reminded her.
Jeremy was working hard to conceal his blush, overwhelmed that his gift had gone over so well. "I've seen you wear those gold dangly necklaces your mom got you. Thought it was a good fit. You really like them?"
"I really do, thank you so much Jeremy," she said leaning in for another hug. He took it eagerly and wove his arm around her back as they headed toward her next class. Maya was floored but also...did this gift mean something? No, they were just friends, obviously and he was just being an incredibly kind friend. Jeremy was all smiles down the hallway as they passed their friends. Maya was still grateful for the lack of harassment she got these days, but she was worried that Jeremy might be getting the wrong idea as she leaned into their friendship.
"Jeremy wants you," Keye had said when they settled into their seats in the lunchroom. Jeremy had excused himself to go outside and talk to Sarah Littlesea.
"Shut up, no he doesn't," Maya said simply. Keye reached across the table and fiddled with her bracelets. Maya recoiled and held her wrist close to her chest. "Hey!"
"Maya, I love you but you are clearly clueless when it comes to guys who have a thing for you," Keye resigned.
"We are in a fake relationship. Key word fake," Maya said back.
"Yeah, but those aren't fake bracelets, are they?" Keye was eyeing her critically. Becks said down next to Maya and she turned to her and pouted.
"Friends give each other gifts right?" Maya said.
"Of course!" Becks said. Maya turned back triumphant to Keye but Becks continued, "But friends probably don't give gold bracelets to their friends on Valentine's day while they're pretending to be their fake boyfriend for clout."
"It's not for clout," Maya was getting louder. Had she misread this?! Was this not okay?
"Maya, think about it. Why would he give you those?"
"Because. We. Are. Friends." She was getting upset now. Becks rolled her eyes and tucked into her fruit cup, giving up.
"And what's your friend Paul gonna say? Totally normal, not invested in any way, Paul?" Keye dug into her. Maya didn't say anything, mostly because she hadn't really thought about it. Keye fixed her with a knowing stare and Maya grimaced before Jeremy rejoined them and they defaulted to their usual banter.
For the rest of the day, Maya wondered if she should go over to Paul's. Would it be weird if she saw him on Valentine's day? No...things weren't like that between them. They were falling into a good rhythm with one another. Things felt good.
She decided she would go over and prove Keye wrong about him. He'd be totally fine. He probably wouldn't even notice. She texted him when the bell for fifth period rang.
P: Absolutely. I'll be home a little bit later in the afternoon. I have to drop off a piece to the Clearwaters.
Jeremy didn't say anything when he dropped her off but she did see that he looked at her wrist for a half second where the gold bracelets still sat.
"Thanks for the ride!" she said cheerfully as she climbed out and made her way to the door. Jeremy had already disappeared before she even got the door unlocked.
Maya set up in the kitchen and finished her Calc homework before starting some dinner. She threw together some steak tacos and as she pulled the taco shells out of the oven, Paul walked through the front door calling out a "Hey!" to announce himself.
"In here!" she said dropping the hot shells quickly in a cloth covered basket "Hot!" she said to herself in a light squeal before setting them on the table. When Paul came into the kitchen he looked genuinely impressed.
"Steak tacos? Ambitious," he said.
"Well, we try," she said, giving him a mock curtsy. His eyes raked across her body taking in the particularly form fitting outfit. The red set something off in his eyes but they stopped abruptly on the gold bracelets dangling from her wrist.
"Those are new." He nodded to them.
"Oh, yeah," she said nonchalantly, sinking onto the bench. Be breezy, be cool. "Uhh, Jeremy gave them to me." She picked a shell out of the basket and started loading it with toppings.
Paul tensed at this but didn't say anything for a bit. He moved to the sink and washed his hands. With his back still turned to her, he said,
"He gave you a gift on Valentine's day?" She could tell he was trying very hard to keep his voice nonchalant, casual, even. Maya had the feeling that she was wading into dangerous waters. Not for herself, particularly, but for Jeremy.
"Yeah, to keep up appearances, you know? It's no big deal." she said, still trying to keep her cool. "I thought it was nice."
Paul didn't say anything and dropped down into the chair across from her digging into the tacos. Maya eyed him carefully but he made sure not to meet her eyes. Keye might have been right.
After dinner, she asked to watch a movie and he agreed. Instead of sitting on opposite sides of the couch like they normally did, Maya sat closer to him, wrapped up in the heavy knit blanket. About halfway through the movie, Maya had sunk down on the couch and rested her head on a pillow she had propped against Paul's thigh. Her eyes drooped and she found herself easily drifting off to the low sound of the movie. At one point she felt extremely warm and realized that he had carefully draped his arm over her shoulder and was gently rubbing his fingers against her scalp. Maya relished in the feeling and let herself drift in and out. She clenched her legs tightly together at one point to quiet the feeling growing there.
Once the movie ended, Paul sat there for a while, continuing to stroke his hands through her hair. When it got far too late for an acceptable excuse for her parents, He sat up and gently ran his hand down her arm and whispered "My." Her eyes fluttered open, half asleep and she sat up slowly. "I need to get you home." She yawned and nodded. He helped her into her coat and she she braced his bicep for support while she slipped on her heeled boots to steady herself.
When he dropped her at her door, Maya turned to look at him again feeling a shift between them. She saw that fire in his eyes again and tried very hard to define it but only one word came to mind. The way he looked at her now seemed to say: Mine.