AN: I just want to warn you about this chapter by saying that the song used in this chapter deals with some heavy stuff, there will be some cursing. Please, if you or someone you know is going through something whether that be depression, mental issues, abuse, or anxiety, please get help. You are never alone, reach out to someone, there are resources online that are free and anonymous that you can use to help you through a difficult time. I've personally used some of them to get me through some tough times. Please support the official release.
How?
Izuku sat in the chair in Dr. Sean's office, "So, what are we doing today Doc?"
Dr. Sean stood up and walked over to his desk, "We are going to try something new. Today, I'm not going to be your therapist."
"What?" Asked Izuku confused.
"You heard right, today I will not be your therapist. Today, someone else will be it. This person has known you for a while now and I believe this exercise will help you with your problem." Explained Dr. Sean.
"I didn't know I had a problem." Said Izuku.
"Thinking you don't have a problem, is part of the problem." Said Dr. Sean. "But we'll focus on that later, today we are focusing on your mother."
Izuku's eyes widened, "Not in the mood for this doc. Can't we just do something else like that weird paint stuff?"
"Sorry but no. Izuku, your mother has been in the center of all your hardships, yet you refuse to talk about her at all." Said Dr. Sean.
"It wasn't a big deal, she's dead, it's all in the past now." Said Izuku.
"Yes, but your past is affecting your current life. That is why I am letting my assistant take over for the day. Since you are insistent of not talking to me, maybe you'll talk to them." The doctor then walked over to the door. "Wait here, she will come in shortly."
The doctor walked out the room and walked down the hall where he found Kyoka pacing back and forth. "Are you ready?" Asked Dr. Sean.
Kyoka stopped and took a deep breath, "Are you sure this will work?"
"There's no guarantee, but it's our best shot." Kyoka nodded and walked towards the room.
Izuku was inside playing with a stress ball he found, he tossed it against the wall and caught it. When all of a sudden he heard the door open, "You must be the new assistant. Sorry to make you come here, I'm not talking about my mother so you might as well leave." Said Izuku as he threw the ball at the wall.
"Well that's too bad, I was hoping you'd actually talk." Izuku turned his head around to find Kyoka standing there with a file in her hands.
"Kyoka? What are you doing here?" Asked Izuku as the ball came back hitting him in the head.
"Dr. Sean told me to come and see if you'd talk about your mom." Said Kyoka walking into the room.
Izuku frowned, "I already said it, I'm not talking about my mom or anything else in my past."
Kyoka then opened the folder and began to read it's context outloud. "5 broken ribs, multiple bruises, a punctured lung, broken arms, fingers, ruptured spleen, and 15 visits to the hospital. Then to top it all off, days before your highschool graduation your mother dies of an overdose."
Izuku's eyes widened, as he remembered his past, "H-How did you?"
Kyoka then showed the file, "It's all in here. Pulled it from hospital records and police reports. Your mom's boyfriend was a real piece of shit wasn't he?"
Izuku gripped the stress ball hard, "Stop it."
Kyoka then walked over to Izuku, "Is this why you never want to talk about your past? Do you think this is your fault Izuku?"
Izuku stayed silent and Kyoka knew what the silence meant.
Kyoka then stopped in front of Izuku, "You see this file. You see it?" Kyoka then tossed it aside, "It's full of shit, Izuku, you blame yourself don't you? Well don't, it's not your fault."
Izuku shrugged, "I know."
"No, no you don't. Izuku, it's not your fault."
Izuku backed away, "I know."
Kyoka took a step forward, "It's not your fault."
Taking another step back Izuku hit the wall, "I-I know."
"It's not your fault." Repeated Kyoka.
Izuku let out a nervous chuckle, "I know."
"Izuku, it's not your fault." Izuku then felt his emotions start to build.
Izuku then sounded a bit angry, "Don't do this Kyoka."
But Kyoka wouldn't back down, "It's not your fault."
Izuku's eyes began to water, "Don't fuck with me Kyoka, not you, please not you."
Kyoka then reached out and placed a hand on Izuku's cheek, "It's not your fault."
Feeling her warm hand on his face was the tipping point for Izuku. Tears began to fall from his face as he sobbed into his hands, "Oh god, I'm so sorry."
Kyoka too now had tears in her eyes, "It's not your fault."
Through the tears Izuku hugged Kyoka and buried his face into her chest, "I'm so sorry!"
Kyoka returned the hug, "It's not your fault."
Izuku let everything out, everything he was holding back from his childhood. Cries and sobs echoed throughout the room as the two embraced. Izuku kept on repeating the words I'm sorry, and everytime Kyoka would be there to say it's not your fault.
A few Days Later, the studio
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Asked Kyoka through the intercom.
Izuku put on his headphones and nodded, "Yeah I'm sure."
Kyoka looked back at Momo who was there along with some of the sound people. "Well alright then, whenever you're ready."
Taking a deep breath Izuku closed his eyes, "Let's do this."
NF- How Could You Leave Us
How could you leave us so unexpected?
We waited, we waited
For you but you just left us
We needed you, I needed you
Yo, I don't know what it's like to be addicted to pills
But I do know what it's like to be a witness, it kills
Mama told me she love me, I'm thinking this isn't real
I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah
Welcome to the bottom of hell
They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell
You say you proud of me, but you don't know me that well
Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell
Into my pillowcases, say you coming to get us
Then call a minute later just to tell us you not, I'm humiliated
I'm in a room with a parent that I barely know
Some lady in the corner watching us, while she taking notes
I don't get it mom, don't you want to watch your babies grow?
I guess pills are more important, all you have to say is "no"
But you won't do it, will you? You gon' keep popping 'til those pills kill you
I know you gone but I can still feel you
Why would you leave us?
Why would you leave us?
How could you leave us here?
How could you leave us?
Why would you leave us? Oh
Hey
I got this picture in my room and it kills me
But I don't need a picture of my mom, I need the real thing
Now a relationship is something we won't ever have
Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had?
You shoulda been there when I graduated
Told me you love me and congratulations
Instead you left us at the window waiting
Where you at mom? We're too young to understand, where you at huh?
Yeah, I know them drugs got you held captive
I can see it in your eyes, they got your mind captured
Some say it's fun to get the high but I am not laughing
And what you don't realise and what you not grasping
That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand
I ain't gon' say that I forgive you 'cause it hasn't happened
I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes
If you really cared for me, then where you at then?
Why would you leave us?
Why would you leave us?
How could you leave us here?
How would you leave us?
Why would you leave us? Oh
Hey
Our last conversation, you and I sat in the living room
Talking 'bout my music and I brought you something to listen to
You started crying, telling me this isn't you
A couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune
You took them pills for the last time, didn't you?
They took you from us once, guess they came back to finish you
Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult
Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you
It took me everything inside of me to not scream at your funeral
Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful
I wish you were here mama but every time I picture you
All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you
They found you on the floor, I could tell that you felt hollow
Gave everything you had plus your life to them pill bottles
You gave everything you had plus your life to them pill bottles
Don't know if you hear me or not, but if you still watching, why?
Why would you leave us?
Why would you leave us?
How could you leave us here?
How would you leave us?
Why would you leave us? Oh
Hey
Izuku then removed his headphones with tears in his eyes, "C-Can you all leave? I need to be alone right now."
Kyoka who also had tears running down her face turned to everyone, "Let's go," everyone was then ushered out of the studio. Now alone Izuku kept the beat going and just kept talking. No rhymes, just him.
Sometimes I think about like
Sometimes I think about things like, you know
When I have kids, I'm like
You won't be there, you know?
You won't be there for any of that
And I'll never get to see you again
Sometimes I wish I would've just called you
I wish I would've just picked up the phone, wish you were here
I mean you should've been there for us, you should have been here
Them pills got you, right?
Them pills got you, right?
I wish you were here
Izuku continued to talk on the mic after the song was over. It would be an entire 30 minutes later when Izuku stepped out of the studio. Opening the door he was immediately embraced by Kyoka, Izuku hugged her back and thanked her for everything.
AN: Wow, okay, yeah. When I first heard this song I was in tears. It just hit differently for me, like I said in the beginning. Please, if you or someone you know is going through something whether that be depression, mental issues, abuse, or anxiety, please get help. If you ever watched Good Will Hunting, you'd know the scene in this chapter. Next chapter I will cover a new album, in the meantime stay safe.