(RAVEN'S PERSPECTIVE)
With my knees tucked up to my chest, I sat on the roof of the Tower. The sun played hide and seek underneath the clouds. I vacantly stared at the world in front me. I didn't have the strength to meditate, so my head was switching rapidly between thoughts.
There was so much to think about, it was enervating. The events I learned about Beastboy through my visions, and the fight he had with Robin a few days back. What bothered me most is that he told me he trusted me.
I've known Beastboy for years.
We started our friendship from scratch, and it wasn't a simple equation. Most of the time we would have trouble seeing eye to eye, but when push came to shove, we were always there for each other.
Through time, Beastboy and I began to learn each other and grow more comfortably together.
I was no longer "creepy" or "the girl who does that weird dark energy stuff" to him, just as he was no longer "that loud, energetic kid of a prankster" or "the anti-meat green teammate that changes into every animal" to me.
We settled on the title of "friends".
Considering how far we've come, and how hard we worked on our relationship, to hear Beastboy say straight in my face that he no longer trusted me in one instant—was devastating.
"You're thinking about him, too?" Cyborg walked up to me from behind.
He sat next to me, exhaling a deep sigh.
"Yeah." I avoided eye contact.
"I dunno, Raven. I haven't seen much of him since the fallout he had with Robin."
My voice was faint, "Me either."
"Before the whole thing, Robin and I asked B if he wanted to go out for a bro-time. Y'know, we was gon' take him to the best vegetarian spot in town, swing by some game stores, maybe even go moped-scoutin' if we could find the time. But he turned it down before we could even bring the full idea across to him. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him at the last couple of combat practices. Every time I go to check on him when he's in his room, I don't get an answer."
"This is really, really bad."
"No kiddin'. I'm worried about him."
"We all are." I breathed deeply.
The both of us were quiet for a short while, then I stood up.
"Cyborg, can we talk later?"
"You got it, Raven. You good, though?" the half robot glanced up at me.
"I'm hoping to be." I turned on my heel and descended through the roof.
I ended up in the hallway.
I was able to hear Robin and Starfire talking in the Common Room, but there was no sign of Beastboy.
Arriving at Beastboy's room door, I gave it a light, timid knock.
"Beastboy? Are you in there?" I pressed my ear against the surface.
Just then, I heard grunts and punching sounds nearby.
The noises seemed to track down to the combat room, which was further down the hallway, then to the left.
I smoothly levitated towards the ruckus. The combat door was partially open, and there Beastboy was.
The changeling struck the punching bag with force. He swung one punch, then another, leaving no time for the cushion to catch its breath. The beanbag cracked as Beastboy's strength increased. He was so engrossed into his storm of emotions, that he didn't notice I was right behind him.
Beastboy morphed into a lion and tackled the bag. He clawed the cushion mercilessly and tore the surface with his teeth. My eyes widened in disbelief from the amount of aggression Beastboy was releasing.
"Beastboy. Beastboy? Beastboy!"
He stopped, his breaths hitching in broken patterns. My teammate transformed back into his human form, his back facing me.
"Please, listen to me." I paused, anticipating a reaction, but I got none.
I was clueless on where to start, but I reasoned I should start somewhere.
"Look... I know you aren't doing the best right now."
"Pete's sake, leave me alone, Raven. The last person I want to hear from right now, is you."
"I totally get that, but I have to talk to you,"
I shifted on my feet anxiously, "Being a human-demon hybrid is a complex combination. The demon side of me grants one power that is always taxing: empathy. Through this ability, I'm not only able to comprehend the feelings of another person, but I'm able to feel them as well. Empathy, just like any of my magical capacities, isn't something I can simply switch off. If something is on a person's mind a lot... I am able to envision it in my own mind."
"So, you're kind of like a mind reader?"
"Well... I guess you could take it that way."
His words were sour, "Tuh, good for you."
"Um... yeah. But that is kind of what happened with you. You were thinking so much about the past, that my empathic radar stuck to it. Then, after seeing a couple of visions I was confused as to why I was seeing all this stuff about you. So, out of curiosity, I went—"
"In my room."
"Yes, there were missing pieces to the puzzle in my head. I only knew so much about you, and honestly, I wanted to find out more." I stated with a nervous tone of voice.
"Raven, not only were you in my room snooping around, you were laughing at my comic book." Beastboy grunted.
"I wasn't laughing at the comic book, I promise. It all just happened to be a time clash and misunderstanding. I didn't get the chance to see anything, because you walked in that instant. I was really just finding amusement in your confidence level of buying a comic book of yourself."
"Oh..."
Beastboy faced me, his expression still grave. At least, I was able to see his face now, which showed progress.
"And when you told Robin that none of us knew what was going on with you... I did. I just never had it in me to tell you."
Beastboy walked closer to me, hanging his head low. When I was in his reach, he pulled me in for a hug.
I gasped, surprised at his gesture.
After all, he'd been belligerent towards the team for a long while. Not to forget, all that he was bearing, and the rift in our relationship we had not too long ago.
My arms embraced his body without delay.
His heart pulsated against mine, his breathing was rugged, and his skin was boiling hot. I held him gently, like a glass vase. Something that seemed tough on the exterior, but was really designed to be handled with care.
"I know how you feel. To suffer in a pitch-black silence, with heaviness in your heart. Especially when I was seeing some of the things you went through, I hid that away from everyone."
"Raven..." Beastboy whimpered in my shoulder, then began to sob.
Holding Beastboy's quivering body, sensing his powerful emotional aura, listening to him cry, and knowing parts of his past, made it hard to keep my composure together.
His tears soaked through the fabric of my cloak, but I didn't mind.
I let my guard down, and allowed myself to cry. I gave myself permission to fully tap in with Beastboy's pain and to help him through it.
I reasoned that is what he needed, for someone to not only feel and understand his pain, but to carry it with him.
His hands fisted tightly around my cloak, trembling from the magnitude of feelings he was experiencing.
I whispered gently, rubbing his back, "It's okay, I'm here. I'm here, and I got nowhere to go. Just cry, and let it all out."
His words were broken whispers, "Raven—I'm so sorry. I owe you and everyone an apology. I've been struggling with something—a-and instead of dealing with it, I just shoved the weight wherever I could. I'm sorry for yelling at you, pushing you away and not being myself. I'm so, so, s—sorry."
"There's no reason to apologize. It's not easy being... you, you know? You're fighting with so much, you're a teenage superhero. It's not easy putting on that brave face or happy laugh everyday. And really, there's no need to. You aren't going to always feel on the top of your game. You're going to have horrible days that suck you in like quicksand. You're going to hate living, perhaps, maybe not even want to live at all."
Beastboy whimpered, then I moved my hand to the back of his head.
"When those days come, remember we are here. Starfire is here, Cyborg is here, Robin is here—"
"Even though he gets on my nerves." Beastboy mumbled.
"Yeah," I smiled softly, "but he means well. Sometimes the leader in him gets the best of him, but you know the last thing he would want, is for us to be hurt. And... I am here. On those bad days, and the better ones. But I can only do that if you help me, help you."
Beastboy didn't reply.
Another tear fell through my dark blue cloak.
"Can you do that?" I questioned tenderly.
He delayed his response, then uttered feebly, "I'll try."
"That's all that matters in the end, is that you try. It may suck and hurt for a while, but the effort is what counts." I felt his heart calm down against my own.
"You promise... you won't tell anyone?"
"I promise, I won't tell a soul. Your secrets are safe with me."
I was expecting Beastboy to be the first one to part the hug, but he stayed right in my arms.