A/N: Thanks for those reviews, folks. As y'all may have noticed, it's going to take a little while to really get the Zade going in this story, but it will happen, trust me :)
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 8
It took a couple of days. Zoe knew she should care more about Wade than herself and make an effort to be there for him all of the time, but it was killing her by degrees to be around him as he was now. She needed some time, she had to find a way to be okay with things before she spent time with him again, otherwise, she was just going to be so weird in his company that he was bound to notice and that would just make matters worse.
"I'm going to the Rammer Jammer," she said with a purpose from the back door of Lavon's place.
"You come here lookin' for some company, Z?" he asked her from the armchair, "'cause as much as I'd like to come hang out with you, I was hoping to watch this Don Todd special. I had it on the DVR a few days now, but until AB decided to spend the weekend with her parents... well, she ain't exactly a golfin' fan and-"
"No, it's fine. I don't need a chaperone or anything," said Zoe, waving away his concerns with a flick of her wrist as she followed him over to the couch. "I just... well, first of all, I wanted to know if I look okay," she checked, gesturing to the outfit she was wearing.
Lavon looked a little confused. "Uh, Zoe, you know I am more than proud to be your best friend and all, but you do recall how I'm not a girl-friend, right?" he checked. "What I know about ladies' fashion you could write on the back of a real small postage stamp."
"I'm not asking for style advice." Zoe rolled her eyes at him. "I just want to know if I look... good. You know, attractive, but not too attractive?"
Lavon frowned all the harder when he heard that last part and Zoe tried to stay casual and not squirm under his intense gaze. It did not come easy. Lavon was too smart for her to fool, she knew that very well, and hardly knew why she was even trying. After all, of all the people in town, Lavon was her best friend, just as he said moments before. Surely, it would be better to tell him what was really going on. He was bound to understand and maybe even offer some good advice.
"Come on, Big Z," he said, almost as if he read her mind. "Put yourself in this seat right here and tell me what is goin' on," he advised.
Heaving a sigh, Zoe did exactly that, dropping down onto the next cushion over with a thump, her purse held tightly in her lap. She didn't really know where to begin, or maybe she did, but it was just hard to say out loud. Admitting it to Lavon before she told the man himself felt so wrong, and yet, what choice did she really have?
"I love Wade," she said fast, before she had a chance to change her mind. "I mean, as a friend, you know, I've cared about him for a long time, and when we were together... well, I knew I felt something really, really strong for him. I never got as far as saying those three little words before... well, before," she said pointedly, the memory of his cheating on her still causing a stab of pain in her heart even now. "And then, when I was going to New York for the summer, Wade went and told me he loved me, and while I was away for those few weeks, I had so much time to think. I started to realise that, as much as I didn't really want to, I probably loved him too. I actually think it's been there for a long time but, like I said, I didn't really want to admit it."
"And now you know for sure that you love him, he's gone ahead and forgotten that he ever loved you to begin with," said Lavon, looking about as sad about the whole situation as Zoe felt herself.
"Exactly," she said, heaving another sigh. "And I would like to say my life is the most screwed up of anybody's right now, but how can I? That would be so selfish when Wade is suffering something so much worse."
"Aww, Z." Lavon shook his head, reaching an arm around her shoulders to hug her close. "It ain't a competition of who's having the worst time," he assured her. "You're allowed to feel messed up and be hurting. That don't change just because what Wade is going through is so rough."
He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and held her close a while longer, which Zoe really appreciated. She missed a lot of things and a lot of people when she was away in New York, but Lavon was very high up on her very long list. Him and Wade both, though for very different reasons, obviously.
"So, this whole trip to the Rammer Jammer," he said after a while. "The needin' to know how attractive you look in the dress and everything...?"
"I've been avoiding Wade," Zoe admitted sadly, lifting her head from Lavon's shoulder to meet his gaze. "I just needed to feel ready to face him again, so I didn't act like a complete idiot around him. I actually think maybe I can handle it now, but then I had this complete wardrobe crisis. I mean, one half of me wants to look as good as possible, to get his attention, you know, the way I used to have his attention?" she said with a look. "And the other half thinks that's just so unfair. After all, as much as Wade is still Wade in a lot of ways, he's also not. Am I even making sense? I don't feel like I'm making any sense!" she said sadly, putting her face in her hands.
It was so ridiculous and she knew it. It was why, more than once in the past couple of days, Zoe had given serious consideration to going back to New York. Not that she wanted to be there, not really. It would just be running away from the problem, which unfortunately, she did have a tendency to do sometimes. She knew it was better if she stayed and figured this out, no matter how long it took, but good grief, was it ever hard?
"I wish I knew how to make this easier on you, Z," said Lavon kindly. "Problem is, I ain't exactly the best at relationships myself."
"At least you and AB are happy," she said, removing her hands from her face to look at him. "You are, right?"
"We're doin' pretty good," he told her with a wide smile. "I don't know if this is forever and ever or anything. Could be, I guess. Little early to tell yet."
He looked awkward when he said it, a little squirmy almost, as Zoe had been before she began confessing her heart and soul about Wade. She was pretty sure there were no problems in the great Lavon/Annabeth romance, but she had been kind of self-involved lately. She probably wouldn't have noticed even if it were obvious.
"Lavon, you would tell me if you and Annabeth were having problems, right?"
"Zoe, there is no problem," he insisted, shaking his head. "Come on, now, we were talking about you and Wade. You got your problems, no doubt, but me and AB are just fine."
It could've just been good deflection, but for now, at least, Zoe chose to believe he was telling her the truth. After all, she really did need some serious help when it came to handling her situation with Wade. In that regard, she supposed, very little had changed. There was really no part of their relationship she had handled well, not from the very beginning, before they were even a couple.
"I know he needs his friends to be supportive," she said then, taking a deep breath. "If that's all we can have right now, just a friendship, well, then, I guess I'm just going to have to get over it."
"Maybe," said Lavon, seeming to consider her words carefully, "but seriously, Z, what's stoppin' you from havin' more than a friendship?"
That suggestion made her eyes go a little wide, Zoe knew, but she didn't say anything. Just waited to see if Lavon was going to elaborate at all. She really hoped so.
"I mean, you're the doctor here, so you just go ahead and tell me if I have this all wrong and what I'm sayin' is gonna cause some damage or other to Wade's head," he said fast, "but the way I see it, there's nothing exactly wrong with the man anymore. Sure, he has no memories to call back to, but everythin' else is functioning normally. He walks and talks and acts like Wade, most of the time. The same Wade who was attracted to you, who fell in love with you. What's to stop him doin' that all over again, if you gave him the chance?"
Zoe opened her mouth to give a good answer to that, only she didn't really have one. The truth was, there was no counter-argument to what Lavon was saying. If Wade liked her before, as a friend, as a girlfriend, whatever, then he could just as easily feel the same way again. He was the same person in a lot of ways. Sure, lacking his memories meant he was a little 'off' for lack of a better term, but he was still Wade and she was still Zoe.
"It is possible, right?" Lavon prompted, letting Zoe know she had been silent too long.
"It's possible," she said at last, nodding her head. "But we'd have to start all over again, from the very beginning," she told him.
"Maybe that'd be for the best," said Lavon, shrugging his broad shoulders. "Fresh start, new shot. There's no harm in trying, right?"
What he said made more sense than Zoe was quite prepared for. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to start over with Wade. In fact, maybe it was exactly what they needed to really make things work. If Zoe was more religious than she actually was, maybe she would quote the one about God moving in mysterious ways. At the very least, fate and destiny always seemed to pull her back towards Bluebell whenever she tried to get away, and somehow, she and Wade seemed to be just as magnetic to each other.
"Z?" Lavon prompted. "You gonna be okay?"
She shook her head to clear away too many thoughts and looked at her friend.
"Lavon, I think I am going to be just fine," she told him, finding a smile. "I'm going to the Rammer Jammer to see Wade," she said with renewed confidence as she got up from her seat, patting him on the shoulder as she headed for the door. "Thanks for the advice. Have a nice time with Tom Dodd!"
"That's Don Todd!" he called behind her, making Zoe laugh.
She knew exactly what the guy's name was. Sometimes, Lavon was just too easy.
It had seemed like a lot when he first came to work in the Rammer Jammer, or rather when he came back to work, Wade considered, though it seemed strange to think of it that way when he had no memory of all the time that went before. A lot of the bar work was simple enough, some of it just as easy as finding the bottle with the right name written on it, other parts clearly instinctual, because he seemed to handle customers and keeping the place clean and tidy as he went along without hardly any effort at all.
Certainly, Lemon was pretty gung-ho about being there whenever he might need her, to answer a question or just let him know he was doing great. As best friends went, Wade was fair certain he couldn't ask for a better one. Then at home, he had Lavon and Annabeth watching over him all of the time, making sure he was fed and had everything he needed. He really couldn't find a thing to complain about.
Of course, one thing bothered Wade even now. The past couple of days he had seen next to nothing of Zoe Hart, even though their two houses were only separated by an over-sized pond and they went to the same house for breakfast every day. Somehow, he always seemed to miss out on seeing her, and truth to tell, Wade found that he really did miss her too.
It was a weird feeling, since there was plenty of people and things that Wade supposed he ought to feel the loss of, but couldn't because he didn't remember he should. Thinking of his poor departed momma still brought on a horrible bout of guilt and nausea. At least with the folks that were still around, he could tell them he was sorry he didn't know their names and faces, get the response that it was okay and that they understood. Earl could tell Wade until he was blue in the fact that Momma would understand too, but it didn't seem to help much.
"Hey," said a voice from the other side of the bar, one that was thankfully quite familiar now, after a couple of days renewed acquaintance. "You doin' okay?" she asked with a soft smile and even softer eyes.
Wade was a little bowled over by how pretty she was, even after seeing so much of her lately. She sure seemed to want to give him plenty of attention too, which wasn't altogether strange for the girls around Bluebell. Wade had been told he was popular with the ladies, but this one in particular seemed kind of stuck on him. He couldn't say he minded all that much.
"I'm doin' as well as anybody with no memories can be doin', I guess," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Like you told me just yesterday, I just gotta keep takin' it one day at a time, make as many new memories as I can."
"That's the spirit, Wade Kinsella," she said cheerfully as she sat down at the bar.
"For instance," he went on, pointing at her with the hand still holding the dishtowel he had been using to polish glasses. "I do remember what you like to drink," he said, reaching for the correct kind of beer.
"Yes, I do," she told him. "And I am going to pay for my drink this time around. You cannot keep on giving me free passes."
"Actually," he told her, placing the bottle on the bar in front of her, "since I own half the place, I'm pretty sure I can, but hey, if you're gonna insist," he said, seeing the determined look in her eye and just knowing it probably was not a good idea to fight with it.
"Keep the change too," she told him, handing over her cash and then taking a sip of her drink. "Can't pay enough for service with a smile."
"Well, thank you kindly, Tansy Truitt," he said, turning to put the money into the register.
When he looked up again, he spotted Zoe approaching and a not-unpleasant shudder ran through him. There was something about that woman, Wade knew that much, but he couldn't exactly figure out what that something was. It certainly was good to see her and he was just fine with telling her as much as she approached the bar, stopping two stools down from where Tansy was sat.
"Hey, there, Zoe," he said, smiling down at her. "Haven't seen too much of you the past couple o' days. You been packed out at the practice?"
"Uh, yeah, kind of," she admitted. "Work has been kind of intense and... well, you know how it is, sometimes, you're just busy."
"I guess that's so," Wade agreed, unsure how he was supposed to know how anything was sometimes in the circumstances, but he couldn't blame every person who came by for using such phrases in front of him. "Uh, I'm guessin' you already know Tansy, right?"
A strange look passed over Zoe's face as she looked to the blonde two stools down and seemed only then to realise anyone was even there. She also looked like maybe she wasn't all that happy to see Wade's friend either. When he really looked, he realised maybe Tansy didn't look so thrilled herself. Now, wasn't that interesting?
"Dr Hart."
"Tansy."
The two women nodded their heads to each other, but then seemed quite happy to pretend the other didn't exist in the next moment. Wade wished he could ask what the problem was, but of course, nobody was likely to tell him. Nobody wanted to tell him anything at all until his memories figured themselves out. Life sure was going to be long and complicated if they never did, he suspected.
"Can I get you somethin' to drink?" he asked Zoe then.
She opened her mouth as if she were going to answer but then closed it again and firmly shook her head instead. Wade was about to ask what was wrong, but he never got the chance.
"You know, what? I should probably just go. All that intense stuff at work and being so busy... Yeah, I'm beat. I should just go home to bed already."
She let out the most enormous yawn, so big that it seemed strangely fake to Wade, but he couldn't exactly call her on it. Maybe she always yawned like that. How should be know? Next minute, Zoe was waving goodbye and leaving the bar at twice the speed she came into it.
Wade looked to Tansy and watched her shrug her shoulders.
"She's always been a little weird," she said, seeming to smirk as she took her straw between her lips and sucked down a good portion of her drink.
Frowning hard, Wade looked from Tansy to the door through which Zoe had just passed at top speed. Seemed to him something weirder than just amnesia was going on here. Maybe someday he would figure out just exactly what it was.
To Be Continued...