**I do not own Voltron: Legendary Defender

"Oh, my dear boy…Come back to us safely, Takashi."

"I will," Shiro promised. He embraced his teary-eyed mother before doing likewise with his father. Tons of people milled by, all friends, family, and fellow pilots, technicians, cadets, and engineers. On launch days for big missions like this, the Garrison always had a big departure ceremony and spectators flooded to the facility just to watch. Looking amongst the crowd, Shiro searched for any sign of Adam and his heart sank when he realized his old flame was keeping true to his word – he wouldn't be coming to see him off. But Shiro's spirits rose a bit when he caught a glimpse of a familiar mulleted head waiting near the doors, careful to stand away from the throngs of people. He'd make sure to say goodbye to Keith too after this.

This was really it then. His last mission into deep space and most likely his last time piloting if Admiral Sanda had any say in the matter. As soon as he came home from this, he'd be grounded. He had to make this last mission count, especially for Matt and Sam. This would be Matt's first big mission and they'd be making history as the first humans to travel out as far as Kerberos in the solar system. They'd be gone for months on end, collecting groundbreaking data on unknown life beyond Earth. Just imagining getting to travel that far, heading into uncharted territory and leading humanity into a new era of space travel made Shiro excited. This mission was of great importance and he was so grateful that he would be able to be a part of it.

"Now then," his mother sniffled, pulling his attention back to her. She was squinting through the throng of people. "Where is that silly sister of yours? It shouldn't take this long to go to the restroom. I swear, if she's ogling the display shuttles again…"

As if on cue, Mariko emerged from the crowd and hurried to meet them. "Sorry," she panted slightly. "I got caught up–"

"–looking at the ships?" Shiro finished for her, and she shrugged sheepishly in reply. "Don't worry. You'll get to fly ones like those soon enough."

Mari's eyes lit up and she grinned. "Just a few more months and I'll be an official Garrison cadet," she said. "And by the time you get back, I'll be a trained fighter class pilot. Look out, world! The next great Shirogane pilot is here!"

Shiro chuckled. "I don't doubt it." He had to admit, he was a bit envious of his sister's optimistic energy and healthy body – once she became eligible, she'd be able to go on so many more adventures than he ever could.

Suddenly, a boy with short honey-brown hair approached their small family. An excited grin was spread out across his face.

"We're leaving soon, Shiro," he said, jerking a thumb to the door that led to the prep deck. It was right next to where Keith was standing. Perfect – He'd say his goodbyes before he left through there.

"All right. Thanks, Matt," Shiro said. "Just give me a minute."

Matt nodded and hurried off towards the door.

"So," Mari said, her face falling as she met her brother's gaze. "I guess this is bye for now?"

"I'll be back before you know it," Shiro assured her.

"Good." Mari took a deep breath and rubbed at her eyes. Then she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I'm gonna miss you, Takashi," she whispered.

Shiro's heart clenched with emotion and he gently wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. He didn't want to let go. "I'll miss you too, Mariko," he murmured, and he felt a twinge of guilt for having been envious of her. She'd been working so hard towards her dream, their dream, but now he was going to miss her actually fulfilling it. When he came back, he'd have to settle for watching her from the ground as she soared to new heights and achieved greatness as a pilot.

"Good luck during training," he said. "Stay out of trouble and study hard."

"I will." Mari pulled away from him, signaling that it was time for him to go. She gave him a small and sad smile. "Stay safe. I'll be waiting here for you when you come back."

.

.

.

.

The nightmares had gotten worse.

Every night it seemed Mari would wake up crying or screaming. Whenever she closed her eyes and started to drift off, she was immediately seized by some horrifying made-up vision of the past. Sometimes Haggar would be there, her bony fingers curling around her neck and her yellow eyes glowing as she choked the life out of her. Other times she'd see Antok standing in front of her, a great big hole in his center, and a flash of black lighting would strike her in the chest from out of nowhere, frying her from the inside. She'd relive the moment she'd destroyed the druid, the act playing out slowly in her mind and repeating on loop to remind her that she'd killed someone, that she had blood on her hands. And then Shiro would be there, staring at her with unnaturally dull and emotionless eyes. The look on his face was always distant and cold, like he couldn't even stand to look at her. She'd call for him, asking him where he was, to come back, to help her, but no matter what she did or said, she never could quite reach him. In the end, he'd always turn away, his back to her as he disappeared into a black void, leaving her to be swallowed up by the shadows.

There was always someone by Mari's side whenever she woke in a fit. Keith, Lance, Hunk, Pidge, Scarlett, Allura, Coran, and repeat. No Shiro. It was like they were taking shifts in comforting her each night and it made her feel pathetic, especially when she knew they still had other things to do in the morning. Especially when she could tell they were getting tired of it. They never complained, but she could see it in their eyes, hear it in their tired sighs and half-baked words of consolation. They all missed Shiro, but she was the only one selfishly grieving and wasting away over him.

Mari started locking her doors at night. She silenced her waking sobs by screaming into her pillows. And little by little, they stopped coming in to check on her.

These days, she kept to herself in her room. Sometimes she'd sit and listen to music, staring blankly at the walls. But she mostly stayed in bed, hidden beneath the blanket and desperately trying to think of nothing, hoping she'd just vanish into the darkness as well.

Someone would bring her food everyday, try to start up a conversation or get her to eat. On good days, she'd indulge them a little bit if it meant they'd leave faster. But it took a lot to get her to come around and sometimes her visitors just didn't have the patience or time or couldn't find the right words to deal with her. Mari barely even knew what the paladins or the princess had been up to these days. She thought she could vaguely remember Lance saying the last time she'd seen him that they'd been working on liberating Galra occupied planets and the princess was putting together some sort of coalition. She imagined they weren't getting very far with either of those tasks now that Voltron was gone.

Weeks passed. Or maybe it had been months. She wasn't really sure. She hadn't been keeping track of the passing days. They all just seemed to blend together. But it didn't seem to matter anymore anyways.

She was so tired.

Mari opened her eyes to the sound of her door sliding open. It always seemed to open around this time, making the same rhythmic and smooth SWISH.

There was a soft CLINK as a plate was set on the floor next to her bed, and she waited expectantly for whoever was standing over her to either leave or begrudgingly try to coax her out of the blankets. Another thud as a heavy body sat on the floor. She swallowed a sigh. It was the latter today, it seemed.

So who was tasked with bothering her today, she wondered unenthusiastically. Yesterday it had been Pidge. So if the others were still keeping to their developed cycle of responsibility, today would be Scarlett. Steeling herself, Mari shifted in bed, pulling the blankets over her head and turning to face the Utearen. Except it wasn't Scarlett who was sitting next to her: it was Keith.

She stared at him in mild surprise. He stared back, not saying a word. She never faced Keith when she knew it was his day to visit. Never knowing what to say, he usually did the bare minimum of just dropping off the food and leaving. It felt like their friendship had become terribly strained and awkward, like they'd lost some mutual connection. With Shiro gone, she supposed they had.

A frown ticked at the corner of Mari's lips and she had the sudden urge to burrow back beneath her covers. She gave him a once-over, taking note that he was wearing his paladin armor. "What," she said.

If Keith was affected by the hostility in her tone, he didn't show it. He nodded to the plate of food he'd brought. "Um. I brought lunch," he stated lamely. "It's not food goo. For once."

Her gaze flicked to the plate. The fancy canapés stacked on it were indeed not the mushy neon green staple of the Castle of Lions. "I can see that."

"Hunk's been experimenting with some new ingredients. He's trying to come up with recipes that are close to foods we have on Earth."

"So?"

"He thinks it'll be good to serve stuff like this during…diplomatic meetings."

She continued to stare at him and he let out a painful sigh.

"You should try them," he said.

"I'm not hungry."

Of course her stomach chose that moment to make a loud rumble in protest. She slapped a hand over top of it, hating how Keith's mouth twitched as he suppressed a smile. He nudged the plate closer and she hesitated before scowling. Sitting up, the blankets still wrapped around her, she grabbed one off the plate, nibbling at it before shoving it in her mouth. It was good.

Mari slowly ate the rest, savoring their sweet and salty flavor. Keith continued to watch her eat in silence, as if he were afraid interrupting her would discourage her from finishing. When the plate had been cleaned, he seemed to let out a sigh of relief. She pushed the dish away from her.

"There. I finished everything," she muttered. "…You can go now."

Keith didn't move. His eyes flicked to the floor uncomfortably, hesitating before saying, "Actually…I wanted to talk. To you."

Mari almost laughed at that. "You? You never want to talk."

"I didn't know what to say until know," he admitted quietly.

She stared at him, waiting. He sighed and looked up at her again. His expression was set and his eyes shone with sorrow.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry," he said. "For not being able to protect Shiro. And for not knowing how to help you."

Mari wanted to curl up in on herself. Hearing his name hurt. Hearing Keith apologize for something that wasn't even his fault hurt just as much. Her chest ached and her stomach churned nauseatingly. She wrapped the blanket tighter around her and drew her knees up to her chin, letting her hair fall around her face. Before she could completely hide herself away again, Keith continued.

"I've been searching for him everyday," he quickly added. "He has to be out there somewhere. We just have to find him. I'm not giving up on him. And you shouldn't either."

Mari shifted, giving him an uneasy frown. "Who said I've given up on him," she mumbled. Keith raised a skeptical eyebrow at her as if she hadn't been aware that she was wasting away inside her room. "I just – I don't know what to do," she whispered, feeling the familiar hot sting of tears building in her eyes.

"Then help me," Keith said suddenly, and the pleading encouragement in his voice made her heart skip a beat. "Help me find Shiro."

She looked at him, a strange heat sparking in her center. "And how am I supposed to do that?" she snapped back at him. "I don't know where he is. I don't know where to start looking. I can't even leave this fucking Castle."

The bite in her tone didn't seem to faze Keith. Rather, it made him smile that determined smile he always wore whenever he could see a plan falling into place and victory was just beyond the horizon. He was getting to her, Mari realized. And she wouldn't be able to stop him. He'd gotten her too curious, too riled up.

His triumphant smirk lit up his face, practically the brightest thing in the dim room. "I think we can fix that."

Somehow, Keith had managed to coax Mari out of her bedroom for the first time in a very long while. She'd felt okay enough to take a shower and brush her hair and she even got dressed. And in her spacesuit, no less, per the Red Paladin's request. She silently trudged down the quiet halls of the Castle and rode the elevator all the way down to the pod hangar where Keith was waiting for her. He was standing by an open pod, helmet on.

Mari's gaze switched between him and the small aircraft. "What is this?" she asked. "We going somewhere?"

"Flying lessons," Keith said, as if this were obvious. "I'm teaching you now."

"Didn't you drop out of the Garrison before you could become a full-fledged pilot?"

"I was kicked out," he corrected her. "For reasons totally unrelated to my piloting skills."

Mari hesitated. This was supposed to be something that she and her brother were going to do together. She didn't know how she felt about Keith taking his place.

Noticing her reluctancy, the paladin crossed his arms and his eyes narrowed. His tone was calm and even though as he said, "You want to help find Shiro, don't you? Then the first step is for you to learn to be a pilot."

Do it, a tiny voice in the back of her mind urged her. He doesn't have to do this for you, but he's doing it anyway. He's being nice and trying to help you. Don't push him away.

Do it for your dream.

Do it for yourself. Do it for the other paladins and Allura and Coran and Scarlett.

Do it for Takashi.

Mari swallowed, the spark in her heart growing into a small flame as she gathered her courage. She inhaled deeply before putting her helmet on.

"Fine. Where do we begin?"

Keith's smile returned. He jumped into the cockpit of the open pod and gestured for him to follow. He sat in the passenger's seat, leaving the driver's vacant for her. As soon as her butt touched the cushiony chair, the pod's hood activated, securing them inside.

"Do you know how to start it?" he asked, nodding to the controls.

"Yes."

"Do it."

She did. The pod hummed to life, the control panel lighting up and the displays flickering with simple symbols, gauges, and system information.

"Okay. Good," Keith nodded approvingly. Mari had never seen him be this patient with her before. It was an odd but not unwanted feeling. "Do you know how to liftoff and move around?"

"Mhm."

"What about controlling your speed? And the thrusters?"

"A little bit."

"Great. Take us out of the hangar then."

Mari looked at him as if she hadn't heard him correctly. "You want me to take us out into open space," she said. "Right now."

"Yeah."

"For the first time ever?"

"How else are you gonna learn? Not like there's a simulator here."

She frowned. He had a point. They didn't exactly have a flight training station for her on the ship. But what better training ground than space itself? There were no planets or ships besides the Castle to potentially crash into. And if things got hairy, Keith could always take over. Driving instructors did that all the time with their students.

Mari tentatively gripped the control sticks, but didn't take off right away. She cast him a sideways glance. "Does anyone else know that we're doing this right now?" she wondered suspiciously, recalling their last adventure together in an Altean pod and how he'd basically kidnapped her and nearly blown them up.

"Yes," he promised, his eye twitching in annoyance. He said nothing more about it.

With her heart thumping wildly inside her chest, she carefully went through the motions of lifting the pod off the ground. She turned it out of its landing space near the wall and moved onto the runway, facing the open hangar doors. It was black as night outside with billions of shimmering white stars flecking the surface.

"Start slow," Keith advised briefly and she pushed the throttle forward.

And then they were off.

The Altean pod sped out of the hangar so quickly and smoothly, Mari barely had enough time to blink before they were outside. One moment they were inside the Castle and the next they were gliding through the vastness of space. She hurried to reign in their speed and she carefully turned the ship around to stay within the Castle's range.

The airspace of the Castle of Lions became Mari's training grounds and Keith proved to be a surprisingly good instructor. He told her to do laps around the massive ship to start, giving her a feel for the pod's controls. He gave her tips on how to make sharp and wide turns and how to do spins and flips whenever situations got tight. At one point, several disposable fighting drones emerged from the Castle, all green, blue, and yellow, and Keith coordinated with them to setup certain scenarios. Much like a Garrison simulator, she had to dodge the drones as if they were asteroids – he noted later that they'd practice in an actual asteroid field after a few more lessons. Then the drones acted as enemy fighters and it was her job to dodge and evade them.

Hours flew by, and with each passing minute, the flame in Mari's heart grew hotter and brighter. There was an elating thrill that came with soaring through the air – that sense of freedom and openness and control over where you were going made anything seem possible. She made another spin, skillfully avoiding a pursuing blue drone. It clonked into a yellow drone that had been coming from the other direction and they both shuttered and whipped around in apparent confusion. A bubbly feeling rose up inside her and a laugh escaped her lips. It had been so long since she'd last laughed. She never even noticed how it made Keith smile or how he was looking at her with so much relief and warmth in his eyes.

When it was finally time to head back inside, Mari felt the best she'd ever been in weeks. It was like part of an invisible weight had been lifted off her chest, and she had a bit more pep in her step as she hopped out of the pod into the hangar.

"Not bad for your first time," Keith commented as he jumped out next to her.

"You think so?" Mari asked and he nodded. "Guess Shiroganes just have a natural gift for flying."

A tiny smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth. "Oh yeah? Guess I can make your training harder with each lesson."

She grinned. "Bring it."

With her introduction to the skies complete, it felt like she could take on anything. Including the quest to find her brother. Keith was right, Shiro still had to be out there somewhere. He couldn't have just disappeared without a trace like that. They had to find him, and sitting in her room wouldn't solve anything. She couldn't control her nightmares, but she could at least control what she did with her time.

Mari wasn't going to be giving up on him. She'd make sure they'd drag Shiro back from whatever unknown place he'd disappeared to and she'd make him watch as she soared through the skies.

"Thank you, Keith," she said finally, her cheeks warming a bit. "For doing this, I mean. I needed it."

"Oh. Uh. No problem." He looked away and frowned in embarrassment. "I didn't – I mean, it's just so we can both look for Shiro. And it wasn't just me, the others helped too. With the drones at least."

Mari smiled at the thought of the startled drones bonking into each together. So this had been a coordinated group plan all along. They'd never given up on her. They were just thinking of ways to help her. She blinked, clearing her vision of the fresh tears. She'd have to thank everyone during dinner. They were probably going to be so surprised and happy to see her joining them at the table for once.

The nightmares weren't as bad that night. The presence of Haggar and the death of Antok and the druid still shook her to the core – traumatic experiences like that wouldn't be fixed that easily. But the Shiro she saw in her dreams was different this time. He had a warm glow about him and his eyes sparkled with life, just as brilliant as the stars surrounding him. When he looked at her and she reached for him, he smiled sadly as if he wanted to reach out and take her hand but couldn't. His lips moved, but although no sound came from them, Mari could feel what he was trying to say:

I'm sorry.

I love you.

**Check out my tumblr to see some cool art: pufftheninja