a/n: In honor of today being Grey's Day, here is the final update for this story. Italics in this chapter are from Meredith's point of view.
Epilogue:
I was hurt so much that the easiest way to not get my heart broken was to pretend I didn't have one... until Derek came.
"Let's have kids," he said one night. We had just gotten home from our date celebrating 3 years of marriage. His breath lingered the savory scent of filet mignon and wine. We weren't drunk but we weren't exactly clear-headed enough to operate on someone's brain.
"Kids." I echoed. We were both dressed in fancy restaurant attire lying on our bed. My back was pressed against the sheets with him on top of me. His tie dangled lazily from his neck before he rested his chin on my chest, maintaining eye contact.
"I mean it Mer. We'd make cute kids."
I laughed. We would.
"They'd have your eyes, your smile, and maybe my hair."
"They? As in multiple? You're crazy, Derek."
He started kissing my neck. "We'll start with one. And go from there. It's a big step, but I want this. I want to do this with you."
...
Derek rested peacefully on their marriage bed. His chest rose up and down evenly with the equal breathing in his slumber. The kids and grandchildren left for the week after our traditional dinner on Sunday evening.
Yesterday, however, was different. The breeze of the cool summer night created a tender sentiment. The chatty grandkids reminded me of our three children years ago. But last night, our children were rather silent.
The adults entertained the grandchildren and appreciated another Sunday. The poignant ambiance influenced by the adults was produced by the unspoken reality.
Derek's old age had caught up to him. The family had a little scare Friday morning when he had trouble getting out of bed after an episode of dizziness. He said he was fine and for them not to worry. But judging by his health the past two days, he knew he was just saying that for the sake of it.
The kids urged to stay for the week in case anything happened. But my husband, being the stubborn fool he is, insisted for them to go and not to worry. So after extra long hugs and kisses, our front door closed and another Sunday had passed.
Meredith had gotten up shortly after sunrise. She had her favorite strawberry pancakes that Derek taught her how to make. Once she finished her meal, she washed her plate and utensils. Then, she opened the pantry cabinet that stored Derek's muesli. There was a bowl left on the drying rack which she takes to make her husband's breakfast. The bowl was filled and topped with berries and pumpkin seeds: Derek's go-to favorite.
The bedroom door creaks open. Derek turns his head at the sound and sees his wife. She gives him a smile that warms his heart. The serving tray is placed on the nightstand and she helps Derek sit up.
"Coffee?" she offers.
"Yes, thank you."
The tray sits on the bed table over Derek's lap with his meal on top.
Meredith climbs into bed by his side and rests her head on his shoulder.
"Meredith."
She lifts her head. He looks into her eyes. "I'm not dying today, Mer."
"I know," she lets out with teary eyes. She knows that's true. Not today. But tomorrow? The day after? She opens her mouth to say something.
"So, white is a pretty nice color, don't you agree?"
"What?" she was caught off-guard.
"Remember years ago when you gave a whole spiel about being the white crayon and then I said something blah blah blah?"
"Yeah," she hiccups a laugh and sniffles.
"You... you brought new colors, new perspective, to my life. Every surgery we performed together, every life we saved, every life we made- and every life they made- every vacation we took, every argument, especially the arguments, you taught me something. No matter how big or small, you changed me a little bit each time. You're everything, Meredith. Everything."
"I'll miss you."
"It's okay. I'll always be in there." His pointer finger makes contact with her chest.
...
Anyway, that night, years ago, he said he wanted kids. I was scared out of my mind but my inner voice was screaming "yes." I did want his kids. He made me feel like the sun. I wanted our kids to grow up with his love- our love. Two weeks after that night, I was sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for the results to show on three pregnancy tests. After what felt like hours, I stood up and immediately saw the three positives displayed on the sticks.
I felt an overwhelming sense of excitement and anxiousness run over my body. I was going to be a mom. A mom. My childhood was a chaotic mess. I had no idea where to start.
I was so nervous that I didn't even plan how I'd tell Derek. [Of course, I was better the second and third time.] I blurted it out 10 minutes into dinner that night.
I will never forget the look on his face. The utter shock followed by his sudden embrace. The ecstasy mixed with his warmth felt like home.
So what is the meaning of life? I once read a book during my first year as an intern. I vividly remember it because it didn't make sense then. It said, "The meaning of my life is to help others find meaning in theirs." Whether it was Derek and myself teaching Ellis, Bailey, and Sienna everything we knew about life and being decent human beings; or Derek teaching me everything he knew about love and its endless boundaries, don't settle on your shit life or convince yourself that the universe hates you because it might surprise you what life has in store for us.
Thank you, Derek. You saw the part of me that I see now years ago. You were the better part of every bit of beating heart that I had (but you would respectfully disagree).
Until we meet again, I love you.
a/n: The end. This is the quickest story I wrote and published thus far. The plot just came to me one night and I couldn't stop writing. Of course, this story could have lingered for a few more chapters, but I believe this storyline brought a lot of closure and prevented any repetition. It was fun to incorporate symbolism while tying it to the overall story: crayon, coffee, "the odds are against us" (chapter 6), etc.
As for the generous reviews, thank you, thank you, thank you. It never failed to bring a smile to my face. And it definitely pushed me to be more creative.
Thanks for sticking around to the end. If my writing is your cup of tea: until my next story, which is a MerDer s11 fix with inspiration from s17 of Grey's. It's only 3 chapters long. Until then~
[ The book mentioned is "Man's Search For Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl.
Each chapter is named after a song:
Feels Like The End - Mikky Ekko
The Call - Regina Spektor
Someone to Watch over Me - Sleeping At Last
Keep Your Head Up - Ben Howard
Close to You - Rihanna
Someone To Stay - Vancouver Sleep Clinic
Welcome Home - Radical Face
Warm with You - Hayden Calnin
You're Somebody Else - Flora Cash ]