"Hey, thanks for helping me and Erma out with selling fundraiser candy, Mr. Slayer. It means a lot with what you're doing with us." Amy said with a smile as she, Erma, and The Slayer walked around the neighborhood selling candy for a fundraiser at Blairwood Elementary.
The Slayer nodded his head. "Figured you two could use an adult as supervision."
Amy rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Thanks for the protection, but I doubt we'll run across trouble while on the fundraiser that would need to be solved by the power of Demonslaying. Plus Blairwood is usually a peaceful town and many people are quite nice and don't cause any trouble. However, it's nice to know we have adult supervision with us so maybe people will take this fundraiser more seriously."
Amy then saw one of the other students selling candy as she decided to show Erma the ropes.
"Anyway, fundraising is pretty simple. When people answer the door, always smile and ask them if they would like to donate to the Fundraiser. Always smile, look presentable and be straight to the point. Although in your case Mr. Slayer, people will think you're a cosplayer so maybe they will also think the Fundraiser will include a Cosplay After-Party."
"Don't get smart with me, kid..." The Slayer said in a joking warning tone as Amy stuck her tongue out at him playfully, causing Erma to silently giggle at the whole affair between the two.
They got to their first house. As Amy pressed her finger on the doorbell, she reminded Erma to smile, be presentable, and straight to the point.
The door opened and out came a brunette woman. "Yes, hello?"
Erma moved first and as she began to speak with a smile, the woman suddenly screamed and slammed the door shut on them.
Apparently, the woman saw something that made her terrified of Erma.
Amy was annoyed by this and huffed. "Well, that was just plain rude! She didn't even let you speak at all! What's her problem?!"
"I think I can guess..." The Slayer said with a shake of his head while Erma had a stunned look on her face as the woman's scream made her hair spiked backward.
The second house they visited was a large brick house. The Slayer couldn't help but feel a sinking suspicious about the place. Countless years of slaying demons will do that to your senses.
"Okay…. we should have some luck here." Amy said as she knocked on the door. "Hey Mr. Slayer, wanna give this one a try? Maybe the owner would react a bit better with an adult at the door?"
The Slayer silently shrugged as he stood in front of the two girls just as the door opened and out came a middle-aged blonde-haired man dressed as a mad scientist and looking quite annoyed with them as well.
"Who are you three?! The Cops? FBI? CIA? KGB? Homeland Security? Area 51? The Vet?" Said the man in a paranoid tone as he looked at the three.
"Listen and listen well, I told you Hippys a thousand times already! I had nothing to do with any of your missing birds!"
Suddenly, a grassy-looking tendril maw with leaves came out and grabbed the mad scientist. It was soon revealed to be a tongue of sorts belonging to a Frankenstein Abomination of a large Bird Monster that was looking to eat the man.
"Alright! You've asked for it feathers!" The man yelled as he pulled out a taser and slammed the door shut. The sounds of shocked bird screams and yelling were the only things that Erma, Amy, and The Slayer heard until it stopped.
"Let's get out of here..." The Slayer said as he ushered Amy and Erma away from the madhouse.
"Did you really have to punch him?" Amy asked as she, Erma, and The Slayer left the third house, which belonged to an old retired farmer named Eustace Bagge, who tried scaring him and Erma when they tried to sell him candy, only for The Slayer to punch his face in.
"It was a reflex. Besides, I have a feeling he's insured."
"Okay, if you say so."
The Slayer brought the frustrated Erma to a house that seemed familiar to her but she couldn't exactly remember it in full detail. The Slayer moved to the side as he let Erma handle the dealing, banging on the door with her hair turned into a fist.
The door slowly opened as soon as Erma's anger dissipated into confusion and uncertainty.
Out came a young woman with a disheveled and disturbed appearance almost as if she had not a good night's rest. Her long blonde hair was a little messy looking with some strands sticking out and the pupils of her blue eyes were the size of pinpricks.
The young woman and Erma stared at each other as the woman looked at her with stoic anger before being interrupted by a cough courtesy of Slayer who looked at the woman with a calm smile behind his helmet.
He had a feeling about who this woman was, but he decided to be polite and keep the peace. No need to cause any incidents in broad daylight.
"Good afternoon young lady. My little friend and I are going door to door selling candy for a fundraiser at Blairwood Elementary. Would you like some? Only $1 per chocolatey goodness with some of them being Sweet, Exotic, Dark, Milk or even German Chocolate." The Slayer said in a totally cheesy snake oil salesman-esque voice.
"Wow, that's the most I've ever heard him talk in one sitting..." Amy said from nearby, amazed at how verbose the usually silent Doom Slayer was.
The woman on the other hand looked at him suspiciously, wondering who the hell he was and why he looked so similar to the Doom Slayer from Doom. There was a slight blush on her face as she thought that he was good-looking before it went away as she remembered who was standing next to him.
"Sure.", She croaked out in a tone that felt cold and uneasy to anyone who didn't know with the exception of Slayer who wasn't bothered by it while Erma had a curious look on her face. "I'm not much of a fan of candy, but my little brother Connor likes it whenever he can get his grubby little hands on some. So I'll probably give it to him instead."
That confirmed Slayer's suspicion. This girl in front of him was Connor's older sister and Erma's former babysitter; Diablo.
Honestly, he had to wonder just what the fuck her parents were thinking naming her something like that. It's as if they felt she was cursed by the Dark Lord himself.
As Slayer handed Diablo several pieces of candy and she handed back a few dollars to him in return, he gave her a nod of thanks for supporting the Fundraiser and told her to have a good afternoon. She said nothing but glared at Erma one last time and closed the door shut.
Erma had a feeling that she knew the woman, but couldn't remember the first time she saw her. The fact that she mentioned being Connor's older sister made the half-ghost girl uneasy. The Slayer placed a hand on her shoulder, giving her a gentle look behind his visor.
"Don't worry child, I'll be sure to have a talk with her later on." He assured her. "Now, let's continue on with the Fundraiser. I'm sure the richer part of the neighborhood would be more than willing to shell out some money for the cause."
That made Erma smile as she, Slayer, and Amy went to the wealthy part of the Neighborhood.
The results of Fundraising there would be quite…explosive, and not just because Slayer had the BFG 9000 ready in case the people there decided to be snippy.
"Well, there you guys are!" Said a brunette kid as soon as he spotted Erma, Slayer, and Amy coming towards him and two other kids looking quite satisfied with themselves.
"We heard from Amy that you and Mr. Slayer were having a hard time selling candy. If you want, we could take care of your batches and…." Said a young black kid before he was interrupted by a large stack of money given to him by a smug Erma. From the feel of the money stack, he could tell it was worth about forty to eighty dollars.
"Woah…" Said a girl with brownish-blonde hair looking quite surprised at seeing the large stack of money.
"I know right?" Said Amy happily as she gestured toward Erma and Slayer who were proud of themselves. "We were just about to give up….But then we got fired up with Mr. Slayer suggesting we go to the rich part of the neighborhood to sell the candy. Both of them were really good at persuading the people living there!"
The three kids were surprised and a little skeptical at that statement. "Are you sure? People from that side of the neighborhood are big sticklers when it comes to spending money on charity. Especially when the charity is a fundraiser."
As soon as Erma was about to speak, a big *KR-BOOM!* was overhead as a big mushroom cloud in the form of a skull could be seen in the sky. From its distance, it obviously came from the rich side of the town.
Yes, it seemed even the Father/Usurper and whatever other deities watching from above didn't want Erma to speak. It was as if they wanted to keep her mute for her whole life.
The kids were shocked and wide-eyed at what they saw as Erma glared at them and made a zipping noise with her mouth while the Slayer gave them an exasperated look.
"You really DON'T wanna know, kids...trust me, it'll be better for your psychological health."
*Later That Night*
In the dark of her room with only one lamp lit to see, Diablo sat busily at her desk looking over her research on that little ghost brat Erma who once thought it funny to scare her enough to put her into mental isolation.
Oh, how she hated her.
When Diablo saw that damn brat again at her door selling candy she was so tempted to drag her into her house to give her a piece of her mind before locking her in the darkest part of the basement and torturing her to death.
But no, the damn brat was with an adult, a rather handsome-looking man who bore an eerie resemblance to the Doom Slayer from Doom.
She enjoyed playing that game a lot, as she imagined having the weapons and using them on Erma once she thought of a plan that wouldn't trace back to her and made it look like the brat got murdered in an abduction.
"Soon." She murmured to herself rather madly as she looked at several pictures of Erma. "I'll find a way to rid myself of you, you little freak. And maybe once that's over, I'll probably see how good that big guy is in bed. Not sure if he's some serious cosplayer or the real deal, either way, I'll be rid of you and have my normal life back!"
She giggled rather creepily as she looked over some pictures of Slayer that she took and dreamed of having a life with him.
"I don't appreciate those who imagine themselves harming a child and then forcing themselves on me against my will..." Coldly said a voice from the darkness. Diablo turned around, letting out a frightened yell as she turned to see Slayer there, sitting in the shadows.
"Y-you….? W-what...a-are...y-you doing here?" She stuttered and blushed as Slayer stood up and approached her.
"Don't play dumb, bitch..." He growled as he grabbed her by the neck and squeezed just tight enough to keep her there, lest she risks having him tear out her throat, which he could do without even trying.
"I just wanted to have a simple talk that is all. One where it ends with both of us alive and you not a bloody corpse with its fucking limbs ripped out and shoved into every possible entrance."
"A-and...w-what d-do y-you w-want t-to t-talk a-about?" Stuttered Diablo as she resisted the urge to scream yet found the situation she was in to be somewhat hot, which the Slayer picked up on as he shook his head in disgust.
"Simple, you give up on this little revenge scheme against Erma Williams that will no doubt surely fail and put you in a whole lot of trouble if you even attempt to do it."
"E-excuse….m-me?" Said Diablo in an indignant tone as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing right now. "That fucking little brat drove me into insanity and put me in a fucking mental asylum! And all because she thought it was funny!? So if you think you can just walk in here and strong-arm me into giving up my vengeance then-!"
Diablo's ranting was cut short as the Slayer slammed her against the wall and took out his UAC Combat Shotgun, aiming it under her chin as he slowly tightened his grip.
"Listen. Very. Closely." The Slayer growled, punctuating his words for emphasis. He wanted to put the fear of Creation into this delusional bitch and show her that there are fates worse than death if she even thought of going through with her revenge scheme.
"That little girl that you oh so desperately hate is under my protection along with the rest of the Williams Family. Ever since I came to this town, they treated me as if I was a part of the family. They saved me from my eternal rage and torment, helped me move from the countless eons of bloodshed I endured as a Night Sentinel and when I fought against the forces of Hell itself."
The Slayer took a breath as his grip slightly loosened but not too much so that Diablo could think of trying to escape.
"Erma is only a child...a child with a pure heart and an innocent soul. Whatever she did to you was obviously supposed to be meant as a harmless prank. I've actually talked with your little brother and your parents. Turns out Erma feels really bad about what transpired between you two."
The Slayer then leaned in closer to Diablo's face so she could see the eternal burning and undying RAGE in his eyes. The eyes of someone who was more than happy to rip her spine out of her own asshole and shove it down her throat if she so much as took one step out of line.
"So then BITCH, I'm giving you an offer that you can't refuse. Give up this petty revenge, seek mental help and stay the fuck away from Erma and the rest of her family. Otherwise, I will tear you apart, piece by piece and I won't lose a single fucking wink of sleep because I've dealt with people like you...and I've killed them all the same. Do we have a deal?"
Diablo could only numbly nod her head as the Slayer let her go, satisfied with her response as he watched her shake with fear.
"I'm glad we could have this talk..." The Slayer then took every single bit of Diablo's conspiracy board content and crushed it all into a big ball before holding it up to his Equipment Launcher and using the Flame Belch to incinerate the ball into ash. He then took her laptop and punched a hole through the screen, froze it with the Ice Grenade, and then shattered it into tiny pieces.
"Find a better hobby. I don't care so long as you don't bother Erma, her family, or any of her friends."
And with that, the Doom Slayer left the house through the window as Diablo took a deep breath and looked at the remains of her laptop and photos.
"Maybe he's right..."
*Omake*
At Blairwood Forest near a lake, Slayer watched Amy and Erma paint part of the landscape on their Canvases. Daisy was also there, napping on Erma's head, which Slayer found to be too adorable for words, and even took a picture to immortalize the scene.
Amy's painting was pretty good, she nailed down the details of the landscape to an extent and he suspected that Amy could become a painter when she was older.
Erma on the other hand had painted the exact opposite. While pretty good, her version of it had a lava lake with a Volcano in the background, a muddied ground with zombie hands sticking out, and a skull to the side complete with bat demons flying under a darkened red sky.
If Bob Ross were still alive today, the Slayer could only guess he'd probably be both impressed and maybe a little disturbed while still telling Erma that she definitely had talent.
Next Time: Shenanigans and Happy Birthday, Erma!