"Is this a Ladybug thing?" Alya asked, only sort of holding the icepack Marinette had given her against her bruised elbow. "Did the cure actually work? Are you hiding it because of his father? Why were you so upset then? Is this why you've been avoiding us? Do your parents know? Does anyone know?"

"You ask a lot of questions," Marinette grumbled, reaching out to replace the icepack on her friend's hurt arm.

"It's literally my job," Alya argued, putting the ice on the coffee table so neither she nor Marinette could mess with it anymore. "What you're doing is deflecting, though. At least answer how this worked."

"It's not a Ladybug thing," Marinette said. "And he's not Adrien."

"Yeah right," Alya snorted, looking over at the blonde who was looking guilty in the corner of the room. He hadn't spoken much since Alya had arrived, letting Marinette take care of the explanations."

"It's not," Marinette pressed. "He's..."

The words were stuck in her throat. She didn't want to admit what she had done to Alya, or to anyone else. Saying it out loud made her stomach hurt, and she knew that wasn't a good sign. How could something she wanted so badly make her feel so guilty at the same time? It turned out, that her not saying anything was just as telling as if she had said admitted to her selfish deed.

"He's a sentimonster," Alya finished with a gasp. Her eyes were locked on the brooch pinned at the bottom of Marinette's shirt.

"Seems you know your miraculous," Marinette said, sinking to the couch.

"Marinette!"

The chastisement in Alya's voice wasn't unexpected, but Marinette bristled at it anyway. She knew her friends and family would judge her if they found out what she had done, but it was too late to fix it now. She wouldn't cruelly end Adrien's life, even if he was a sentimonster. She wasn't like Mayura.

"They're my miraculous," she blurted, knowing she was lying. They weren't hers. "What's the point of being the guardian if I can't use them to help?"

Marinette expected Alya to blow up at her, or point out that the job of the guardian was not to use the miraculous for selfish purposes. However, Alya didn't do that. She wasn't that kind of friend. Her face softened and she reached over to put a hand on Marinette's knee comfortingly.

"You should have talked to us, Marinette."

"About the miraculous?"

"Sure," Alya said. "About anything. About how much you miss Adrien, or how stressed you are about being the guardian. You don't have to do this."

"Have to?" Marinette questioned. "I don't have to. I know that. I wanted to."

That seemed to pain Alya even more. She moved her hand from Marinette's knee to her shoulders. "You can't use the miraculous to bring Adrien back, Marinette. No matter how much we all wish you could."

Marinette felt a rush of hopelessness, but she shoved it away replacing it with anger. She stood from the couch. "This is why I didn't tell you, or anyone," she said. "I knew you wouldn't understand."

"I do," Alya said, her voice tense. "You're hurting, but so was Hawkmoth and-"

"So now I'm Hawkmoth?!"

Alya looked like she wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. Part of Marinette knew that she was being unreasonable and that Alya wasn't actually accusing her of anything. She was just concerned, as she probably should be. However, guilt made people do uncharacteristic things, and Marinette was no different.

"I thought you would be happy for me," Marinette huffed. "I finally found a way to be happy again. I started to fix Hawkmoth's mistake! Isn't that my job as Ladybug? To fix what villains do? To heal what was hurt and return things to the status quo?"

"That's what Ladybug did," Alya agreed. "Because that was her power. But without your earrings-"

"Ladybug was more than the earrings," Marinette cried, tears swimming in her eyes. "Why can't anyone see that?!"

"I know that Ladybug was more than just the miraculous," Alya snapped, her gentle tone fading a little. "You are who made Ladybug Ladybug, which is why I know that you realized this is wrong. You know deep down that this isn't solving or fixing anything!"

"How can you be so sure?" Marinette argued.

"Because that," Alya said, pointing to the boy watching the argument in silence. "Is not Adrien. It never will be, Marinette. You were right when you said I've done my research. Sentimonsters were created by powerful emotions. They were dangerous when they were created from negative ones, and all you've had for weeks are negative emotions. You've created a sentimonster connected with your grief; that can't be a good thing. No matter how much you want it to be."

"He's not dangerous," Marinette scoffed. "He literally just made cookies for my whole apartment building. He got excited about the shopping center!"

"He's a sentimonster."

"So?"

"So, even if he's not dangerous, he's not real."

Marinette flushed angrily and she headed for her door. Opening it, she gestured for Alya to leave. Alya didn't seem surprised by the gesture, and she let out a long sigh as she got up from the couch.

"I only want to help you, Marinette."

"Then you wouldn't be upset with me," Marinette said, folding her arms across her chest.

"I'm not upset with you," Alya said. "I'm just scared for you."

Marinette flushed both from anger and embarrassment, but she closed the door before Alya could see it. She didn't want to give Alya the satisfaction of being right, even if Marinette knew that her friend had valid fears.

"Marinette?"

It was the first time Adrien had spoken since Alya had passed out, and Marinette turned toward him apologetically.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," she sighed. "Alya and I can get heated sometimes...I just need a little while to cool down."

"Who was Adrien?"

Marinette's blood ran cold at the question. He seemed genuinely curious, and she stared at the boy across from her, trying to think of how she was supposed to respond to the question.

"You're Adrien," she finally said, grabbing the ice Alya had left on the coffee table.

"No," Adrien said. "Not the real one. I kind of already figured that, but you and Alya confirmed it. Who was the real Adrien?"

Marinette wanted to open the door, march after Alya, and yell at her some more. It would have probably let out some of the tension she had in her chest, and it would have kept her from having to explain anything to Adrien. However, the look in his eyes as he waited for an answer caused her to be rooted to the spot. Sighing, she walked the ice over to the sink so it could melt without making a mess.

"It's a long story," she whispered, watching the ice melt as she ran warm water over the bag.

"I've got more than enough time."

"All right," Marinette said, shutting the water off. "Then take a seat on the couch. You might want to get comfortable."

ooo

She had expected the revelation of why she had used the peacock miraculous to be jarring for the sentimonster, but if it was, Adrien did a good job of hiding it. He sat and listened patiently, only throwing in commentary if he needed clarification. Once she was finished, he smiled. Not a fake smile or a forced one, like she had been giving people lately, but a genuine smile that made him look more at ease.

"I see why your friend was concerned," he said, standing from the couch. "If your old villains used to use this same miraculous, then I can see why it would be concerning to see it in use again."

"I'm not using it like Mayura used to," Marinette argued, feeling a sudden stab of fear that Adrien would take Alya's side.

"I know you're not. Which is why your friend is justified but wrong. I'm not going to turn into the villain she thinks I will."

Marinette relaxed a little, but she still didn't feel all the way at ease. "I don't know if she truly believes that you'll turn into a villain or if she's worried for my sake," she admitted. "She seemed to be disturbed I had even used the miraculous like this at all."

"She'll get used to it," Adrien said with a confidence that concerned Marinette. "Especially if I become the Adrien everyone expects me to be."

Now Marinette was confused. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'm lacking a lot of things," Adrien said, pointing to an open album on the table. "I'm not really Adrien only because I'm lacking things. I don't know how to fence or how to speak Chinese, or how to play piano...but that could be fixed."

"It's hard to learn those things," Marinette said. "Even if you don't have to sleep, you'd be absorbed in learning skills that take years and years for people to master."

"Maybe not," Adrien said, taking Marinette's hands excitedly. Though Marinette knew that the blonde boy across from her wasn't actually Adrien, but her cheeks flamed as she pulled her hands from his slowly.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You could use the peacock miraculous to instill the traits," Adrien explained, his eyes shining. "Just like how you fixed my leg. You could make me good at piano, and fencing, and all the other things!"

Marinette thought about it. She wasn't sure if she could actually do it, but if she could, then he was right. She could make him more like the Adrien she had lost. However, after her talk with Alya and her dreams, she wasn't sure if she wanted to do it.

"Will you just try it?"

"Are you sure you want this?" Marinette asked. "You don't have to be Adrien. You can just be you."

"I want it," Adrien assured. "Besides, it'll give me more skills to use in the world. It could be fun!"

"All right," Marinette conceded. "Duusu, spread my feathers."

ooo

The first skill was a test. Marinette had only thought about one skill that could be measured fairly easily without her having to leave the apartment, so she focused on that one while she was transformed. She thought about the times Adrien had helped her with her Mandarin, especially with her uncle. She could only remember basic words in the language, but she thought of them regardless, wondering if it would help. Zìsī came to her mind, and she flinched. Selfish, she thought unwillingly. This is all very selfish.

She ignored the thought, deciding that either Adrien had changed and now knew Mandarin, or he didn't. She opened her eyes and extended the beads in her hand out to Adrien. He smiled as he accepted them, and she dropped her transformation. The second she had dropped it, her legs felt weak, so she moved toward the couch.

"Can you say 'Hello, my name is Adrien?'" she asked, knowing that she could actually translate that much Mandarin. Adrien did so, and she felt a thrill of excitement. He had managed to learn it!

Then he continued speaking, saying things she didn't know. He rambled on and on, getting more and more excited. Her smile faded as she realized that he was only speaking in Mandarin. She held up her hands, and he stopped speaking, giving her a strange look.

"Can you speak in any language besides Mandarin?" she asked slowly, pretty sure she already knew the answer. Not that she understood his answer, as it was in Mandarin.

Sighing she walked to her kitchen and held out a handful of the chocolate morsels she had used in hers and Adrien's cookies. Duusu came over and ate a few.

"Are you ready for another power up?" Marinette asked the kwami, wanting to make sure that she wasn't overusing the kwami's abilities.

"I'm ready!" Duusu sang, circling around Marinette's head.

"Okay. Spread my feathers."

ooo

Mandarin turned out to be the easiest of the skills of Adrien's to replicate. She had successfully replicated fencing, piano, and basketball as well, but she ran into some unexpected problems. It started with fencing. She had decided she could bring him, in his gear, to the fencing class just to test out the skill since no one would see his face. However, as he started, she realized her mistake. He was too perfect.

He was flawless. Every move was done exactly how it was supposed to be done. He easily beat everyone in the class, which was bad enough, but then it got worse. When D'Argencourt told him to stop before the match was over, he didn't. Marinette watched in horror as he rained down attack after attack on the poor fencing student he had been paired with. He thrust his sabre at the boy in front of him so forcefully, Marinette was afraid he would actually hurt the student.

"I clearly said to stop," D'Argencourt said, coming up to Adrien. Marinette pulled her face guard off and ran to intercept before D'Argencourt could figure out who was beneath the fencing gear.

"Sorry," she said, grabbing Adrien's arm. "My cousin is from out of town. He's not used to our type of fencing."

"Fencing is a very strict sport," D'Argencourt said, unimpressed with Marinette's excuse. "He should be trained how to do it correctly, or-"

"Technically, I didn't break any of the rules," Adrien said from beneath his mask. "I executed each move with precision. The only thing I failed to do was stop when you told me to, but if it were a real battle, I wouldn't give up mid-fight. I would keep going until my enemy was incapacitated or I would have left myself vulnerable for their counterattack."

Marinette groaned internally and dragged Adrien toward the exit. "I'm sorry," she said as she pushed him along. "We'll be going now. I'll...let him know how things work here."

If D'Argentcourt had a response, Marinette didn't hear it. She ushered Adrien out of the door and down the street before she pulled him into an alley. He pulled up his mask, looking concerned.

"Are you upset?"

"I-" Marinette trailed off, looking down at the peacock miraculous. "I'm not upset," she finally said, looking up into the familiar green eyes. "I just think we need to tweak some things. You're too good at the piano and at fencing...and at basketball. No one is actually that good."

"I can fake it," Adrien said, his eyes widening with understanding. "I could try to be more like the others."

"I think I can make you less perfect myself," Marinette said, pulling him farther into the alley.

She used to use alleys like this when she was Ladybug, but now she was unsure how secure they really were. As a fourteen-year-old, she had had a skewed sense of security. If she was out in public, she was vulnerable. She would have to be quick about this.

"Duusu," Marinette called, opening her purse. The excitable kwami flew out. "Spread my feathers."

The tight feeling in Marinette's chest returned, and she let out a grunt. It was worse than it had been previously, and she couldn't help but think that something was probably wrong. Adrien didn't seem to notice her discomfort, and he handed the string of beads over to her like he had done countless times before. She accepted it and closed her fist around it.

Less perfect, she thought to herself. He needs the same skills but less perfect.

The familiar feeling of her power entering the bracelet filled her, but then it was replaced with sharp pain. She cried out and fell to one knee, positive that something was wrong now.

"Marinette!" Adrien said, his voice full of concern.

"No," Marinette croaked. "Don't. Someone will hear you."

Adrien froze, but he didn't look pleased about it. Marinette tried to push herself back to her feet, but she felt dizzy and weak. She had been fine this morning! What had happened since then?

"You need help," Adrien said, his voice soft. He still hadn't moved from his spot though he looked like he wanted to. It took a moment, but Marinette realized the reason he was standing so obediently was because she was still holding his charm.

"I'm fine," she managed to say, handing the charm back to him. Immediately, he surged forward to help her. "Duusu Fall my feathers," she murmured.

If anything, not being transformed only made everything worse. She sagged a little and felt Adrien's hold on her tighten.

"We should get to a hospital," he said.

"No," Marinette pressed. "We can't. They'll know who I am...and you're not supposed to be here. There would be so many questions and my parents would be there...and..."

"Okay," Adrien said. "No hospital."

Marinette relaxed and she could feel her vision fading. She fought to stay awake, but she knew she would be fighting a losing battle if she tried to force herself to stay awake. Instead, she let herself fade out of consciousness, wondering vaguely if Adrien had agreed not to take her to the hospital because he respected her wishes or if it was because she told him not to.

ooo

"It's hard to control what happens when you're desperate, isn't it?"

Marinette bristled at the voice, knowing that Hawkmoth wasn't really there, but still hating the sound of his voice in her head. She turned toward the dream-Hawkmoth, her expression firm.

"He hasn't done anything wrong," she pointed out. "He got carried away fencing, but he didn't actually hurt the kid. Besides, I fixed it."

"At a price, it seems."

"You're not real," Marinette snapped. "You don't know anything. You're just my mind playing tricks on me."

"Maybe...but you have to admit to yourself that there's something odd about the peacock miraculous. Maybe now you understand why Mayura didn't fight every battle with me."

Marinette fell quiet. She looked down at the miraculous on her shirt hem, taking a closer look. Had those cracks always been there? Was she making them up in her dream-like world? Was it broken?

"You know how this is going to end."

Marinette looked back up at the villain in front of her, her lips pursed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You can't just keep improving him. He won't ever be Adrien. Humans are complex and have to have more than sentience and skill. They have to have memories, experiences, emotions, failures, joys, disappointments, successes...your version of Adrien has none of the same experiences that Adrien had to make him Adrien. How can you teach a sentimonster the grief that comes with losing a mother or the love he felt for his partner? How can you teach the disappointment he felt at being left out of things because of his father, and then the joy he felt when he was allowed to join in activities with his friends? How can you teach him passion and regret?"

"He...he'll learn," Marinette said, though she knew it wasn't true. "I know he's not really Adrien, but-"

"There is no but," Hawkmoth cut in. "There is no reason for you to have created the sentimonster if you didn't believe that someday you could make Adrien out of a sentimonster. There would be no point."

"I just thought maybe I could," Marinette admitted. "But I see now that I can't really succeed. I can't end it though...he's become a real person to me. Maybe not Adrien, but I can't destroy him."

"So you're just going to keep him hidden in your apartment? Or are you going to change his physique so he can live a real life?"

Marinette chewed her lip. She didn't have the answers to those questions. She knew she would have to decide eventually, but she didn't want to think about it right now. There was still so much she had to teach Adrien before she could let him take on the world on his own. The fencing match showed her that.

"I'll do what I think is right," Marinette decided, looking Hawkmoth square in the eye. She thought he wouldn't have a response to that, but the man only smiled mockingly at her.

"Then tell me, Ladybug, do you think any of this is right?"

ooo

Adrien and Marinette didn't talk much about what had happened after the fencing match. Marinette assured Adrien she was fine, and probably just tired, and he dropped it. Now they were watching yet another movie, while Marinette tried to block out all her thoughts. During one particularly boring part of the movie, Adrien turned to her.

"I think I know what I'm missing," he blurted as if he had been keeping in the comment all night.

"What?"

"I think I know what will make me more like Adrien."

Marinette sat up, trying to keep the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach and not on her face. "What did I miss?"

"Chat Noir."

Marinette felt the color drain from her face and she reached over to pause the movie. "Pardon?"

"Chat Noir's ring," Adrien continued. "He was your partner, and he was a superhero. That had to influence him in some way. I can't replicate that because I don't know what it feels like."

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," Marinette admitted, standing from the couch. She needed to find something to do to keep Adrien from seeing how disturbed she was feeling by the suggestion.

"I can't be Adrien without it."

"You don't need the ring," Marinette said, looking over her shoulder. "I don't wear my earrings anymore either. The superhero identities were out of necessity."

"But I need to know what that felt like," Adrien argued, following her into the kitchen.

"No you don't," Marinette assured. "You're fine as you are."

"We've spent so much time trying to get me to be more like Adrien. This is the last step-"

"No, Adrien."

The firm response seemed to shock Adrien. Marinette knew she had never been so stern with him before, and she had no doubt that he wasn't expecting her to tell him no.

"I don't understand," he said, bristling. "You've helped me become Adrien in all the other ways you could, but you won't help me here. Why not?"

"Because," Marinette said, her voice soft. "You're not actually Adrien. Or Chat Noir."

It hurt her to say it out loud, but the look on Adrien's face hurt her more. He looked crushed as she said it, and she felt something within her break for what seemed to be the thousandth time. Rather than letting Adrien see her cry, she turned toward the bedroom.

"Feel free to finish the movie without me," she said, faking a yawn to cover up her quivering voice. "I still don't feel well, and should probably get some sleep."

If Adrien had anything to say, Marinette didn't hear it before she had closed her bedroom door. Once the door was shut and she was sure Adrien wasn't listening, she slid down the door frame on the other side, bringing her knees up to her head.

"This," she murmured to herself through her tears. "Is a disaster."

ooo

It was late. Later than most people in Paris stayed up, including Marinette. Her soft breathing had evened out ages ago, and Adrien was sure she had fallen asleep. It was just as well since he was pretty sure she had been crying before then. When he had snuck in her room, unbeknownst to her, she had seemed to have fallen asleep in her clothes after a rather nasty breakdown. He didn't understand what it felt like to be her. There was a lot he didn't know at all.

He wondered what Marinette would say if she saw him right now, looking down at the miracle box. He had seen her hide it when she first made him and had made a mental note. His memory, like everything about him, was perfect. He knew how to open the strange red egg, and he knew exactly what he was looking for.

The earrings were gone, but the ring was sitting in its spot, waiting for Adrien to put it on. He grabbed it without a second thought and slipped it on his finger. Marinette would probably be angry, but he knew she would forgive him. That was how she was. She would realize that he was right and that he could be the Adrien that she wanted him to be. That was what was important; pleasing Marinette.

She claimed she didn't want him to be Adrien, but he knew that was untrue. She had cried after she told him that, and he hated to see her cry. Grief was an emotion he hadn't experienced yet. He found it interesting since grief was the emotion Marinette seemed to experience the most. However, she had never taught him grief. Only joy, amusement, wonder, and occasionally anger.

"Adrien?"

The small animal didn't surprise Adrien. Marinette had explained a little bit about the miraculous and how they worked, and he was familiar with Duusu. He couldn't remember the name of the cat who was looking extremely confused.

"I need you to remind me how to use my power," Adrien said, looking down at the ring. It helped complete his look.

"Who are you?"

There was an edge to the cat's voice, and Adrien frowned at the small animal.

"I'm Adrien."

"No, you're not."

The frustration at being told he wasn't who he was literally created to be filled Adrien and he narrowed his eyes at the kwami. "I am. Marinette is helping me become him, but I need more help. I need to be Chat Noir."

At the mention of Marinette, the cat's face grew concerned again. "Where is she?" he demanded, bearing little fangs.

"She's asleep," Adrien said, lowering his voice. "I'd appreciate it if you quieted down. I don't want to wake her."

"If you've hurt her..."

"I would never hurt Marinette," Adrien said, seriously. "She's the one who created me. I only want to please her. Now tell me how to transform."

The cat looked like he would rather not, but there seemed to be something about the demand that changed his mind because he told Adrien the words regardless.

"Thank you, Plagg," Adrien said, trying to be polite like Marinette had taught him. "Now, let's see if you can help me be more like the Adrien that Marinette remembers. Claws out."