Chapter Seven: Inexperienced
As the first day after their date passed them by, Severus and Harry were longing to meet again.
Harry lounged about in his homes study, learning new spells and relishing in the relative silence with Sirius while the elder man reorganized a slew of books centuries older than the both of them.
As he sat on the cushioned seat beside the window, Harry and his godfather said not one word to one another, though much could be said between them. The light of the day shone down on him and into the room, illuminating the shelves and highlighting the dust particles floating through the air.
Something was hanging in the space between the two, and Harry knew that the other man wanted to speak on it. The only question is, was it about Severus or was he thinking too hard?
No words were spoken for a while longer, until Harry had had enough of the forced silence, and was ready to confront his godfather. The youngest of the two cleared his throat, closed his book and gave the whole of his attention to the other man. "Sirius?" He called out, knowing the other was listening intently to his breathing patterns and canvassing his previous actions.
"Yes Harry?" Sirius spoke giving the younger man his attention as well. Sirius had many things on his mind, many that Harry may have known about, or understood, but felt was too impolite to ask without warning. he wanted a place and time where he could ask his own questions, and weasel out the entirety of the truth from the boy he regarded as a son. The only problem, was that now-- being alone with the boy meant that any backlash he recieved from Harry could not be redirected, and he did not relish in that fact.
So, he decided to tread lightly... or as lightly as he possibly could with his questions eating him alive. Or could those have been the maggots, he thinks?
"Am I correct to assume that there is something on your mind Siri? You have been glancing this way very often and I feel that whatever you are thinking has a great deal to do with me. Is something wrong?" Harry asked in a straightforward manner. He knew something was gnawing at the man, though he could not fully place his finger on it. Was the man that curious in the matters that had to do with Severus, or were hey simply on a subject closer to Harry himself?
Were the inquiries about his soulmate, the ritual he had yet to fully disclose to the others, a spell he was learning, or something so simple as the book he had chosen to read on that day? "To be quite honest it feels unnerving that you are not simply expressing your thoughts aloud with or without prompting."
With a sigh and an endulgant smile, Sirius sat across from the boy in a deep red wingbacked chair. "Is there something that you are hiding?" He asked suddenly, leaning a bit forward in his seat. Harry knew that the man could sense he was hiding something, no matter how large or small it may have been, so he kept his thoughts and feelings closed off for the moment. they both had thier secrets, and neither wanted to bare their soul to everyone they knew-- blood related or not.
His godfather had secrets of his own, and Harry knew that if he had not spoken them up to this point, that he would either never tell, or they will come out in a manner he would not expect. A tit for tat in this study would only gain attention from the other occupants, as this was a very central room in the house. They would each essentially be spilling their secrets to everyone who could hear, and Harry knew neither of them could afford to rid their hearts of the deceptions and lies they have told themselves and each other over the years.
Tilting his head to the side gently Harry smiled, "And if I were? There is no harm in keeping secrets so long as they are not dangerous." setting his book to the side, the boy stretched and sat up straighter. "Is there something that you are hiding from me? We can each reveal them in order of their sevarity, but I will not disclose my own so simply." a smile crested his lips, as he watched the man roll his eyes. Harry was glad to have picked this form of communicating up from his first meeting with his mate, as he surely would have spelled his secrets sooner had he not learned.
"I am not entirely attracted to females." Was his answer, and Harry was-- for a moment-- at a loss for words. Not by the content of this statement as much as the way it was said. So conversationally was this brought up, that Harry's eyes widened in shock, before he played his first secret in this game.
After taking a second to sift through his harmless secrets and white lies he settled upon a similar vein as his godfather. "My first kiss, was a girl around my age, and she and I cried the whole time for different reasons. Her, because her crush had just passed away some time before, and I cried internally for the reason of having had no interest in girls myself, and for being the one to find his body. It was very memorable for all of the wrong reasons." He had a blush adorning his face as he spoke, but his voice did not waver in it's volume.
If anyone passed, they would hear him, and he was curious to see if the man opposite him would speak just as loudly, or shush himself as time went on and truths were revealed.
The man retaliated with; "I nearly killed someone when I was your age." This was said, short and to the point, and it seemed like Sirius thought that everyone in the house knew save for Harry, as his words lingered in the room. it seemed like he thought he had the boy stumped in this revelation, though Harry had found out a few days prior to this.
"So that was true..." Harry tsked. "My title as a Lord was the only thing that saved me from being sold to the highest bidder, though being starved half to death over the course of my life was hardly any up side to it all." This was something he had not fully touched on in his time after passing, though his family knew most of his story, he had never wanted to speak on the darker side of his childhood. Even know, he was barely scraping at the top of the volcano which was near to bursting with trauma that he bore everyday on his own.
This garnered a gasp from beyond the closed doors of the study, and Harry now knew that not only had whomever just gasped been listening the entire time, but Sirius had known and was waiting for the right moment to bring up everyone's suspicions and questions. They may have figured since Harry was closest to Sirius he would become more open to answering anything that may have been considered prying from someone else.
And damn him it seemed to have worked.
"Is there no one in this home that I can trust?" The boy smiled, before waving a hand and opening the double doors. As the doors widened, Harry noticed not one, but all three of the other house occupants had been listening in on their supposedly private conversation.
The gasp had originated from his father's mouth, which hung open at the moment, trying his damnedest to understand why his son did not come to him regarding this abuse, but could freely volunteer it to his godfather in a game of one upping one another with horrible secrets.
"Come take a seat." Harry spoke in a tone that left little room for refusal. It seemed like a demand rather than an invitation, and everyone was so shocked in their own ways that they followed his order without a word. "Now... what are your secrets?" Harry said, causing a hush to fall over his little crowd of onlookers.
No one answered as they looked away, still too shocked to even begin searching for an answer. The youngest folded his hands in his lap, waiting for any sort of answer. Patience thinning, Harry tried to think of anything that could distract him from his boiling thoughts, which lead his mind to the one place he had been trying not to stray to too often. Severus.
And at this point Harry was not ok, as having no form of communication with his mate, and his closest family using such backhanded ways of gaining information, was grating on his nerves. He could go the whole month without seeing the man, if only they could correspond with one another in some way. Harry could send his patronus, but would Severus be able to send one back, or would his mother know even this after so long apart from the man she once considered a friend? He needed to find some form of communication before his chest burst from this unexpected need. He needed someone to speak to about this small but impactful betrayal of his trust.
"You are thinking about him again." Sirius noted, sitting back in his chair once again. Crossing his legs, the wizard laughed boisterously at the face his godson unconsciously made, eyes snapping open in his realization. The boy was in a headspace all his own before Sirius spoke, and in hearing the mans voice and knowing where he was currently, caused a heavy blush to cover the whole of his face. Looking away from his companions Harry cleared his throat and readjusted in his seat.
This seemed to pull the others out of their own minds, and cooled the fire burning in Harry's eyes for a moment.
Neither adult would say this, but that fire-- once fully ignited-- scared the living daylights out of them all. It meant the boy could and would become reckless or even belligerent, and though the four of them felt confident in their own magic, could they stop him if he truly let loose his anger and trauma in the form of raw or harmful magicks?
Everyone in the room knew that the boy had much that needed to be healed, and they prayed that they could help him in that process.
Nothing was said for a few moments, while Harry composed himself, still facing away from those he considered his support system. "I was, and I could ask you all to present me with any questions you may have face to face, rather than in such a way that may prove detrimental to our relationships." He sighed, no longer angry at the others, but still feeling very betrayed.
After everyone nodded, Harry took a deep breath and nodded, showing that he would answer most, but not all of their questions. He had his own to ask, and needed the adults in his life to fess up to their own wrongdoings and shortcomings. "How did you come to meet Snivellus-- I mean to say, Severus?" Harry's father asked in a hardly concealed tone full of disdain.
He knew the two men met on the wrong foot, and parted ways on an even worse foot, but to hear what seemed to be a long-standing nickname given by childhood bullies got on Harry's nerves. So he sat a little more comfortably and began to speak. "I am unsure if you knew this, but Lord Prince works very closely to a large coven of vampires, and my destined mate seems to be connected to him through this coven. I met him by chance as they were travelling together, and once past our introductions, we were able to speak for a few hours."
Another breath, though they were very unnecessary, and the young man began again. "We spoke very shortly of our pasts, and I learned quite a few things that have happened between all of you in your time. My only question is what happened to caused your falling out with him mother?" He asked looking dead at the woman in question.
Eyes widening, Lily stammered for a moment before opening her mouth to speak. "We were sorted into different houses at the time, he in Slytherin and I in Gryffindor. Despite this we had resolved to stay friends, as petty differences in what house we belong to or flew for was beneath us, or so he said. He became enthralled with showing off his vast knowledge of darker magics, and this gave him a very unsavory image in the eyes of our peers. Well, save for those within his house. We grew apart over time, as I had made friends and he had made his own. I no longer felt as connected to him, and admittedly I began to believe those around me..." She told with a look in her eye that could on be described as shame.
No words left the lips of the young man, even in knowing that she was young and coming into her own identity within a school that she held little title in. He could tell that there was more, and decided to listen more intently in order to form his own opinions in what went down in the past between his mother and his mate.
"I shunned him, although not entirely. I began to distance myself, and once the Marauders ramped up their bullying of Severus, I was far too detatched to truly want to assist him. by then they had nearly killed him several times over. Sirius, by luring him to the Whomping Willow on the night of the full moon--"
"What?!" Harry interjected, confused and appalled in the same breath. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Harry whispered a request for her to continue and disregard his outburst.
"I am not proud of this... I was not there to witness any of this, though your father stepped in just in time and saved him. Remus was inconsolable after the incident, and refused to speak to Sirius or even your father for many weeks afterwards. Pranks turned into assaults upon his person, and by my falling out with him, I had only memories of our childhood to remember him. He was still a wonderful friend to me, but I sadly cannot say I was the same for him."
After this she clammed up and gave one last piece of information before standing and excusing herself from the room. "I considered asking him to become your godfather, but feared he would resent me after all the time we spent apart. I only contacted him once but it was too late, and to this day I regret it deeply."
Harry caught her hand before she could leave the small circle of seats that they occupied, and without looking too closely into her eyes, he said, "He told me he regrets speaking to you in such a way, and believed that to be your reason for rejecting his friendship from there on. Even now after your death, I feel he would be elated to have you send him a letter of correspondence. Please write to him and I will deliver it if you'd like." He did not bother to whisper, and looked into the eyes of the two angered men across from himself, uncaring if this would upset anyone in the room in any way. He felt anger on the behalf of his mate and momentarily gave in to his emotions.
After his mother was gone, Harry could hardly look his godfather or father in the eyes, and his image of the two fell sharply away from this long standing idealistic level of hero worship to a more realistic one. They
were mere men, and they too had much to atone for after their actions in life.
Remus looked about ready to vomit, and Harry felt taken over by this information to the point of needing time to come to terms with it all. He felt darkened by what he learned, and had to purge his mind of these thoughts circulating around his head.
Excusing himself as well, he took some time to lean against the wall outside of the study and simply breathe. From there he made his way towards his room for his old broom and opened a window, taking off from the perch to play a gruelling practice game of Quidditch before dinner and bed.
Swooping through the hoops and around the field, going from near imossible heights to dashing low enough to graze the ground, touching the dead and dying grass and wilted flowers, who still held a vibrance not even death could take away.
This is where his mother found him not three hours later, sweating and no longer angered by what he'd been told. It took him a few moments to notice the woman below him as he soared towards the practice snitch, catching it just before he would crash into a towering tree that he regarded as one of the hoops, and a boundary for his homemade field.
Coming down from both the sky and his adrenaline high, Harry saw the letter clutched in his mother's hand and smiled in jubilation. He knew that it would get to Severus, but he could only hope that whatever was written in it, would work towards healing a bridge that had long since been percieved as burned. But he could hardly show all of his newfound excitement, so he calmed himself before asking if it was really addressed to Severus or if his eyes decieved him.
This brought a laugh out of his mother's throat and a smile up to her eyes, and the two felt their spirits lifted sightly higher after the drama of their afternoon in the study. "Yes Harry, this is for Severus. I only hope he has not blamed himself after all these years."
A sniffle broke through his mother's defenses, and she couldn't help but laugh and hug her boy in happiness. "To think I may gain one of my eldest friends back through you... Harry you have always been my miracle, will you ever cease to amaze me?"
Harry smiled and replied, "I hope I never will mother."
Now, if only he could get past these next few days without his soulmate, he would be very pleased with himself.