Disclaimer : I don't own Twilight.

Chapter 8

Edward truly was a gentleman. No, he was a saint. He helped me so much with Noah and he tried his best to help me overcome the fears Jacob Black had left me with. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Of course, I had needs, but I wasn't ready to take that step with Edward yet. He still hadn't even tell me what the hell was that thing with Tanya.

All we did was kiss sometimes. Edward made me feel loved. The problem was, I felt totally like he shouldn't. Sometimes, I thought to myself that Edward would be better off with someone else. I was too damaged. I didn't know if I would be able to love completely someday.

It hurt so fucking much.

That day, I decided to go to my father's house. Charlie was with Noah but they were gone to the movies. Most kids 18 months old didn't like going to the movies because of the noise, but Noah liked the big screen. He began talking not so long ago and spoke of the movies so Charlie promised to bring him. Instead of waiting for my father to bring my son back to the Cullens, I decided to go to his house and cook him his favorite meal : spaghetti with meat balls.

They were supposed to come home soon, so I started the dish with a small smile. It had been a while since I had cook for him. I knew he'd be pleased.

When I heard a car pull up in the driveway, I smiled even more. I couldn't wait to see his reaction to my cooking.

The door opened and closed. When I heard the lock, I looked up. My heart skip a beat.

''Jake…'' I whispered.

My body started trembling, the spoon forgotten on the stove.

Jacob was smirking.

''Bella, Bella, Bella… You've been awfully naughty. Where is my son?''

I reached silently for my back pocket, hoping Jake wouldn't see me pressing the emergency buttons.

''Jacob, you know you can't come here!'' I said, trying to sound convincing.

Jacob frowned. He slowly made his way to me.

''But I love you so much, Bella. Why did you leave?'' He sounded so in pain I almost let go of my phone.

It hurt me to see him like that. I felt weak. I was afraid Jacob would always hold a power over me. I'd alway be his weak little Bella, the plain Jane.

Jake was approaching slowly with a dark look in his eyes. I instantly pressed the number 1 call on my cell, praying Edward would pick up even though he was at work, and tossed the phone back into my pocket.

''What do you what, Jacob?'' I asked, trying to buy some time.

He was now just a meter away from me. My breathing was caught in my throat.

''You, Bella, you know I always want you…''

It was at that moment that I knew what Jake wanted. He wanted to claim me. Sensing that I was about to take the knife beside me, Jake lunged and stopped me, pushing me out of the way of the counter.

I felt my tears threaten to fall down my cheeks. 'Please, Edward, I hope you can hear what's happening, I'm so scared!'

Jacob was now in my face, breathing heavily. ''I missed you so much, Bella'' he said, kissing my mouth. I tried to turn my head, but he stilled me with his hands and kissed me hard. His tongue was forcing itself in my mouth and I was silently praying God to not let it happen.

''I want you so much, Bella. I will make you forget all about your fling with Edward.'' Again, he kissed me hard. I tried to push him away, but he was using his full force. ''He will never be Noah's father. You know that, don't you? Noah looks so much like me.''

FLASHBACK

''You know what my father thinks?'' Jake told me just after his talk with his dad, when we told him I was pregnant.

''No, what?'' I asked, smiling a little.

''That the baby is not mine. He says we've been together not long enough for you to be pregnant with my child. He said you are probably pregnant with someone else's baby. Are you pregnant with someone else's baby? Edward, perhaps?''

He looked serious.

''What?!''

''Are you pregnant with Edward's child?! Is it difficult to understand?''

''Jake! I was…''

''I know what you said, but you didn't bleed the first time, so I had to ask!''

''It's yours!''

My eyes burned with tears at that moment. But I let it go.

When I was in the delivery room, I remember praying to God Noah would look like his dad. And he does. So fucking much. Same dark hair, same face. No possible mistake about the sperm donnor.

Jacob touched my breast. I tried to push him away. I tried so much. In the end, he won. Pulling back on my clothes, I cried.

Jake was gone when my father arrived.

The instant he saw me, he knew. I cried in his arms.

''I'm so sorry, Daddy, for being so weak. I'm so sorry!''

He lulled me to sleep.

Some time later, another police officer was there, along with Edward and Carlisle. Noah was gone.

''Where's my baby?!'' I asked, frantic.

''Relax, Bella, he's with Esme'', my father said, trying to soothe me.

I cried harder. I wanted to take him into my arms, my son, I wanted to be sure he was safe.

Edward tried to hug me, but I flinched.

''I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone, Bella, I couldn't…'' he told me, crying too.

''We need to get you to the hospital, Bella. We have to perform a few tests to make sure…'' Carlisle said.

I nodded. I knew he was right. From my left, I heard the officer tell my dad I should come over to the station for a statement when I was ready.

When I was ready. When would I ever be ready to talk about what happened? I felt gross and I felt undeserving of love. I felt like it was all my fault for not being strong enough.

A month later and four sessions with Dr Rosalie Hale, I felt somewhat a little better. I didn't forget what happened, not would I ever forget, but I had made some progress concerning Edward. He didn't find me disgusting. I was trying to learn how to believe him. He hadn't kissed me since that day. Even though I didn't want to, I couldn't help but flinch every time he touched me. I knew very well he wasn't Jacob. He was nothing like him. But I couldn't tolerate anyone touching me.

Alice tried to make me come shopping every once in a while, but I always ended up with a panic attack in her car.

I was afraid. I was afraid, because the officer in charge of the case always made me feel inadequate, like I wanted what happened. Officer Ateara was his name. I knew him. I knew he was friends with Jake. And I couldn't tell my dad his colleague was unprofessional. Once again, I felt weak.

I hoped someday I would be able to forget everything and move on.

But Jake had other plans.