A/N- Sorry for the hold up! Busy week over here in my world with work AND got that first vaccine shot (very happy, feel very lucky). So that being said, I'll let you get to this chapter and if all goes well, I'll have the next one out much quicker. Thanks as always for all of the reviews and feedback you all have been leaving!
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Emily groggily blinked her eyes opened the next morning. Her mouth felt dry and she squinted at the light coming in from the living room window. She realized that it was brighter than it normally was when Liam woke her up in the morning and she sucked in a quick breath. Shit. She shot up into a sitting position and looked around. She didn't even remember falling asleep the previous night, but she must have been out light a light. She glanced toward the coffee table and noted that the monitor wasn't where she usually kept it. What the...? Her heart started pounding. What time was it? Were the kids awake?
Her ears perked up when she heard a noise in the kitchen. It sounded like Ellie's energetic voice. She was three, so she was speaking full sentences to them, but after she made her general point it all turned into mindless chatter. Emily stood of and walked towards the kitchen with furrowed brows.
"Aunt Em!" Ellie called to her when she stepped through the doorway.
Alison was standing at the counter with Liam balanced on her hip. His empty bottle was sitting on the high chair, meaning they had been up for a little while now. She was twirling a T-shaped wooden object onto some kind of appliance on the counter.
Emily's brows constricted. She walked over in the other woman's direction. "What are you doing?" She asked, trying to peer over Alison's shoulder.
"Making breakfast." Alison answered without looking up. She had one hand wrapped around Liam to keep him secure and used her other hand to make a circular motion onto the appliance with the wooden instrument.
"Chocolate!" Ellie called from the table.
Emily's brows shot up. It didn't look like Alison was making chocolate, but maybe...
"Nutella," the blonde finally turned towards the toddler to correct her. "And just a little bit." She continued her motions over the appliance. "I remembered last night that that I got them this crepe maker for Christmas," she said out loud, presumably to Emily.
"Fancy," Emily nodded with raised brows.
Alison made one more motion over the appliance and finally turned to her. "Not really, I bought it on Amazon... and it looks like they never took it out of the package."
"You don't know that," Emily tried.
Alison snorted, "It was still sealed. They definitely never opened it."
Emily gave a somewhat apologetic half smile before Alison turned back to the crepe. She started filling it with Nutella and bananas. Emily wasn't surprised that the crepe maker was never opened. She totally couldn't imagine Spencer taking the time to do that. Her friend had always amazed her that she was able to find the time to be a wife, a mother, AND a lawyer, but making gourmet meals was not Spencer's forte. Toby actually did most of the cooking that Emily knew of and while he was a pretty good cook, no way was he making crepes for the family. But this scene with Alison looked natural and oddly domestic. Emily had never really pictured Alison being a mother or a cook, but she looked all the part of it standing over the counter with Liam in her arms. Despite their argument last night, Emily still felt her heart warm at the sight.
Ellie jumped up from the table and ran over the plate of sliced strawberries that she was eating to Alison. "Don't forget!" She told the blonde.
Between holding Liam and trying to make the crepe, Alison was clearly out of hands. Emily walked over and motioned for the baby. "Here, let me help you," she offered.
Alison stared at her for a beat, deciding if she wanted to pass the baby or not. Emily could see that she was trying to prove that she could do all of this just like Emily could. What she probably didn't know was that Emily struggled too. That was why she was trying so hard for them to be partners. After a moment, Alison passed Liam over and Emily got him situated back in his high chair.
Alison finished up the crepe and walked it over to Ellie to eat. She cut it up into squares to make it easy for the little girl before walking back towards the counter. "Do you want one too?" She asked Emily.
She really did. The one sitting in front of Ellie looked freaking delicious. But she felt bad... especially after last night. "Oh no, I'm... I'm good," she said.
Alison raised a brow, clearly not buying the objection. "What do you want in yours?" She rephrased.
Emily laughed and rubbed at the back of her neck. "The one that Ellie has looks great."
"I like chocolate!" Ellie supplied.
"Nutella," Alison correct again. "And done," she told Emily.
The four of them had breakfast. Emily and Alison didn't make much conversation, but the feeling was much less tense than the previous evening. After Ellie ran from the kitchen, Emily turned to Alison. " I'm sorry that we argued last night."
"Yeah..." Alison pushed her lips together. She had her elbow on the table and her head resting in her hand. She exhaled a breath, but didn't say anything else. It was obvious that she'd spent time chewing on their conversation alone last night just as Emily had.
"Do you want to try again?" Emily asked quietly.
Alison shook her head. "Not right now."
"Okay... what do you want to do?"
"I'm going to clean up here. I thought maybe you could get out for a bit," Alison told her.
"You want me to leave?" Emily raised a brow.
Alison shook her head, "Not like leave leave... I just thought maybe you could get out of the house and clear your head. I'll handle things here while you're gone like you did yesterday."
Emily tilted her head. It would be nice to get out, but the offer surprised her. "You sure?" She asked.
"Yeah," Alison nodded and shrugged a shoulder. "It seems like you need it."
"Well that's... nice of you." Emily wasn't sure what else to say. She felt suspicious, but she honestly wasn't sure of what.
Alison just stood up and walked some plates to the sink. "It's not a problem."
And that was that.
Emily took a quick shower and got dressed. She had considered going on a run, but after doing so several times this week her body was a little sore. She opted for a drive instead. She said goodbye to the kids and hopped in her car and started driving. After a few minutes, she stopped at a stop sign and realized that she had no idea where she planned to go. Originally she thought about dropping by The Brew and grabbing a coffee, but she remembered that Sabrina didn't work on Sundays and used that day to visit her family who lived in another town.
She turned on the radio and just drove, letting her mind rest. It wasn't like the night that she'd driven Liam in circles around town. Today, she was able to let her mind be free instead of worrying. After seeing Alison managing both kids this morning, Emily knew that they were fine alone with her. Instead, during her drive she could just focus on herself.
She found herself driving in the familiar direction to the neighborhood where she grew up. It wasn't terribly far from the house, only about twenty minutes. She saw places that were a part of her history on the drive. She passed Toby's childhood house first. He'd lived there with his parents when she met him and then just his dad after his mother passed away. There was a treehouse in the backyard that he helped his father build as a kid. She and Toby spent countless hours up there as children. Emily craned her head as she crossed the intersection to try and see into the backyard. It was still there, and seeing it bright a small smile to her face.
During the first several years of Emily's life, her family moved almost every year to a new military base because of her father's job. They lived in Connecticut, Texas, Hawaii, and even Germany before moving to Pennsylvania when she was six. That year, she met Toby Cavanaugh in her first grade class and the two were connected at the hip. At the end of the school year, she told her parents that she never wanted to move again. Her father never got to make any formal requests, however, because 9/11 changed any plans that the Army had for her father. After that, it was imminent that he would be shipping out to war and Emily and her mother would be staying put. She was often stressed as a kid because she was worried about her father. During that time, she and her mother were close because as a family, they had to be there for each other.
She kept driving further into town and passed her high school. She thought back to that time in her life. For people that didn't know her well, they probably thought that she had fond memories from high school. She got good grades, was well-liked by teachers and students, and was a state champion swimmer. Her name was plastered on a pennant on the walls in the school's natatorium. The truth behind all of that wasn't quite what it seemed to be, though.
She started feeling different sometime during her freshman year. It wasn't that she felt like she was changing, but she wasn't relating to her friends in the way that she always had. The girls that she hung out with started spending all of their time talking about boys... and Emily just couldn't relate. She didn't really care about boys. She didn't care what they looked like, what clothes they were wearing, or whether one talked to her in math class. But it seemed like all that the other girls wanted to talk about. One day, one of her friends on the swim team suggested that she go on a date with Toby and Emily felt legitimately ill at the idea. Toby was basically her brother, so she didn't think much into the reason why she was so turned off. She thought that maybe she would start to care in the way that the other girls did eventually if she tried to date someone different. She decided to go out with another swimmer named Ben for a few months, but still even then, she didn't get it. She wasn't attracted to him and would never let him kiss her. She thought that maybe she just wasn't ready to have a boyfriend yet and spent all of Sophomore year staying quiet. She didn't know who she could talk to about the way that she felt. She didn't even talk to Toby about it. She wasn't even sure what it was. At a time when everyone at school just wanted to fit in, she didn't want to make herself stand out.
Then, the summer after Sophomore year, Toby spent all of July visiting family farther north. Emily missed having her best friend, but in his absence, she met someone else. Her name was Maya and from the moment that Emily met her, things just started to click for her again. Maya was from California and she was different from all of the other girls that Emily knew. Maya never talked about boys, and even ignored the ones that tried to call out to her when they passed her on the street. For the first time, Emily found someone who didn't make her feel different. One night before the school year started, they were hanging out in Maya's room and the other girl kissed her. It was finally then in that moment, that Emily finally understood why she couldn't relate to so many of her other friends. It was scary at first, because Emily had never considered that the reason that she didn't want to kiss any of the boys was because she wanted to kiss girls. They started dating quietly, in secret. Emily didn't tell anyone- Not the girls on the swim team, not her parents, not even Toby. It was like bliss. She didn't enjoy feeling like she was lying to people, but finally understanding who she was made it worth it to her.
And as quickly as she found happiness, it was taken away.
During Winter Break, Maya's parents found drugs in her room. Emily knew that she smoked pot sometimes and suspected that her parents knew too, but apparently it was something harder than pot. They sent her away to a school for troubled children across the country in Montana. Emily tried to keep in touch with her, but every time they spoke Maya seemed more and more depressed. She told Emily that she was desperate to get out of there. Then the calls stopped. Emily found out that Maya tried to run away. The school was in a cold, wooded area and she never made it to town. Her body was found in the woods three weeks later and the news absolutely destroyed Emily. She cared so much for the girl and her death had been so tragic. Emily couldn't sleep. She couldn't eat. Her swimming times went up and her grades went down. Toby was the first person to realize that something was going on. She broke down to him and told him that she loved Maya- as more than just a friend. It was scary to tell him, because she hadn't told anyone before that, but he accepted her immediately. He hugged her and consoled her in the moment, and from that day on he was an ear for her when it came to her sexuality. Having someone to talk things through made all of the difference to her. It helped her heal.
Her mother found out the following summer. The were doing some deep cleaning together in Emily's room before her father came home from Iraq when Pam moved a stack of books and a set of photos fell out. Emily's heart dropped immediately because she knew what the contents of the photos were. They were photos that she and Maya had taken together. Emily looked back at the photos often. They had their faces close together, arms around each other, and were even kissing in one of her photos. It left no room for questioning. Her mother barely spoke to her for a week until her father same home. Emily braced herself. She didn't know how her parents would treat her. But when her mother told her father what she found, his reaction had been one of support and love. He made sure that Emily knew that he accepted her for who she was. He had seen too many awful things while at war. He just wanted his daughter to be safe and happy. Their relationship was ultimately stronger after he found out that his daughter was gay. Her mother was another story. Their relationship deteriorated. She wasn't ready to accept Emily for who she was. Emily wanted her support more than anything and found that she couldn't forgive her mother for not accepting her. When it was time for Emily to choose a college, she decided to move across the country. She thought of Maya and how much she loved California. When Pepperdine called and offered her a swimming scholarship, she accepted right away.
In California, everything was amazing for Emily that first year and a half. She loved California. The weather was warm and the people were more diverse and accepting than the conservative town she was from. She had a girlfriend named Paige who was also on the swim team and things were going well for her.
Then, one night she got a call that changed her life. Her mother's teary voice came through the phone telling her that her father had passed away. Emily flew back to Pennsylvania immediately. She went home mid-semester and stayed through the summer. Losing her father was her worst nightmare. He was her hero. He risked his life to protect their country and take care of his family. He kept their family together and made Emily feel loved after the revelation that she was gay. He had always been there for her. She had no idea what her version of family would look like moving forward without him. She lived in her house with her mother when she moved home and slowly, but surely they started rebuilding. It began with simple support- giving each other a shoulder to cry on- but then it morphed into an honest relationship relationship. It turned out that her mother had regretted the way that she treated Emily and she wanted to repair things between them. Emily had been hurt, and she felt weary, but she gave the woman a chance. They supported each other and rebuilt their trust. It was tough that it had happened as a result of their shared loss, but at the same time it was the one blessing to come out of her father's death. She and her mother remained close after Emily went back to school and when she moved back to a California. Today, their relationship was stronger than ever.
As her thoughts swirled around on the drive, Emily realized there was one more place that she wanted to go while she was in the neighborhood. She picked up her phone and called a familiar number.
"Hi, hunny," Her mother answered. She had called and check in on Emily several times in the last week. She had offered to come by the house, but Emily had asked her to wait a bit while they continued to build a routine.
"Hey," Emily greeted. "Are you at home?" She asked.
"I am. I just got home. Why?" Her mother asked.
"I'm just in the neighborhood and I thought I might stop by."
"Of course. Come on over." Emily could here a smile in her mother's voice.
They hung up and Emily drove the five minutes to the house that her mother had lived in for the last twenty-four years. After her father's death, her mother had tossed around the idea of moving. She told Emily that she was considering moving to Texas, where she had family, but Emily convinced her to stay put. She told her mother that she wanted to come back home when she finished college. She and her girlfriend had broken up by that point and after losing her father, Emily had realized how important it was to keep the most important people close to you. She moved back home following graduation and then got an apartment nearby soon after. She and mother saw each other fairly often and their relationship continue to grow and mature through the years. She pulled into the driveway, walked up the familiar path, and knocked on the door.
Her mother swung opened the door. "Well this is a nice surprise," she greeted with a smile.
"I literally just got off the phone with you," Emily laughed.
"Well I mean in general," her mother chucked along with her. "I didn't expect to see you today." She stepped aside and let Emily walk into the foyer.
"I wasn't planning on it, but I was close by," Emily told her.
"Where are the kids?" Her mother asked. "I was actually expecting Ellie and Liam to be with you."
"They're at home. Alison has them," Emily told her. She walked into the living room with her mother trailing behind her and sat down on one of the club chairs.
Her mother sat down on the couch across from her. "And you were just in the neighborhood?" She asked with her brows furrowed slightly. The two houses weren't terribly far from each other, but Emily would have little reason to be in the neighborhood unless she was planning a visit.
"I was out for a drive..." Emily trailed off.
"So clearing your head," her mother deducted. She knew her daughter. She also knew that talking about her problems wasn't something that came naturally to Emily. They often were left inside to fester. It was good that Emily was clearing her head, but that ultimately wouldn't make any problems go away.
Emily sighed. "It's been a long last couple of days."
Pam nodded. "You've got a lot on your hands. A baby and a toddler are hard work."
"Yeah," Emily exhaled. She knew going in that it would be tough, but it was only when she woke up exhausted after her night driving around Liam that the reality really set in. Plus she was worried about Alison too. She needed to give the blonde some leeway but was so hesitant to do so.
Pam gave her an understanding look. She could see that Emily was struggling. She wanted to help her, but she wasn't sure how to step in. "Well it seems like Spencer's cousin is being helpful... Alison?"
"Yeah," Emily nodded, "She's trying... It's just hard to get on the same page sometimes."
Pam sighed. She didn't really understand the idea of putting together two separate people for such a monumental job. "I'm sure it's not easy living with someone you don't know well and raising children with them."
Emily listened to her and considered the words. The thing was that she did know Alison well. She knew her very well, she thought. She knew her intimately at one point. Until she didn't.
Pam eyed her daughter and watched the wheels turn. "Have you two seen each other since Toby's wedding?" She asked.
"Once," Emily answered. She'd seen Alison exactly once after the wedding, and it was a day that she didn't want to think about. She heard the bitterness slip into her voice. She hadn't meant for it to, but she couldn't help it.
It was clear to Pam that there was more to the story here, but she didn't push. Instead, she just offered advice. "You'll have to try to get to know each other again then," she told Emily.
Emily nodded, "I know." She realized that a lot of time had gone by. She knew that she herself had done a lot of growing and maturing in that time. It seemed like Alison had grown too, but she didn't know. She was scared that the blonde hadn't. She was scared of getting burnt by her again.
"Emily, I mean it," Pam stressed. She knew that she could only support her daughter so much from the outside. She was going to need more than that. "You two need to be there for each other."
"We need to be there for the kids," Emily corrected.
"No," Pam shook her head. "If you're not there for each other, you'll never be able to be there for the kids. You can't do this without support."
Emily breathed out a long breath. She stared straight ahead. She knew that her mother was right. It was just so hard. Alison had hurt her badly. It hurt so much that she moved back to California for several years. She wanted this to work, but it was going to require forgiveness and she wasn't sure if she was there yet.
"What's the plan for your job?" Her mother spoke again.
That was another issue on what felt like a mile high pile of problems. She hadn't been to work at the school or the swim team in weeks. They were being patient with her, but she was going to have to figure something out soon. "I have no idea," she shook her head, at a loss.
"These are things that you need to figure out," her mother told her gently. "You can't do that by yourself and I can't help you either."
"I know..." Emily nodded. She and Alison were going to have to make some serious decision about how to move on with their day to day lives. Whatever those looked like now.
Pam stood up and walked over to her daughter. She reached for her hand and pulled her up into a standing position to give her a hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around Emily. "I'm proud of you," she told her. "I know that you'll figure this out. It's just going to take time."
When they pulled back from the hug, Emily nodded again and pushed a small smile onto her face. It felt great that her mother supported her. She'd had a tough few days and the words of affirmation meant something.
"I made some soup yesterday. How about I send some back with you?" Her mother offered. That was another thing she'd grown to count on with her mom. She was always willing to feed her.
Later, as Emily drove the twenty minutes back to the house, she thought about what her mother had told her and she knew that her mother was right. She and Alison were going to have to find a way to support one another so that they could support the kids. They were all hurting, and ultimately they would need each over. Alison had hurt her in the past, but if she's learned anything from what she'd gone through with her mother it was that people can change and you could rebuild trust when it was lost. Maybe she could rebuild with Alison too.
When she returned to the house, it was close to two in the afternoon. She walked through the door and was surprised that it was quiet inside. She thought it was strange. Normally the house was buzzing with energy, but right now it was almost silent. She rounded the corner of the living room and saw Alison sitting on the couch with her phone in her hand. Emily furrowed her brows. Where were the kids? "...Ali? Where are-"
Alison snapped her head towards Emily and brought her pointer finger to her mouth to 'shush' the brunette.
Emily walked around to face the couch and finally saw where Ellie and Liam were. Liam was laying down inside his pack and play quietly napping. Ellie was on the couch with Alison. She was curled up next to the the blonde with her small head on her lap, snoring lightly. Emily raised her brows. "Wow. Did you become the Nap Whisperer over night?" She asked in a surprised whisper.
Alison chuckled silently and shushed her again.
Emily smiled. She was proud that Alison for getting the kids to nap, regardless of it being in the living room and not their beds. She nodded towards the kitchen. "Wanna talk?" She whispered.
Alison met her eyes and held her gaze for a beat before nodding. She held her hand under Ellie's head to keep her steady and slipped a pillow underneath her as she stood up. She grabbed the throw blanket off of the back of the couch and draped it over the little girl's legs. "Let's go," she quietly told Emily.
Emily put the soup that she'd brought back from her mom in the fridge when they walked into the kitchen.
"What was that?" Alison asked.
Emily smiled sheepishly. "My mom sent me home with some soup."
"Why does everyone keep trying to feed us?" Alison asked almost jokingly, though everyone was always dropping off food.
"She does that a lot, get ready," Emily laughed.
A silence fell over them after that. Emily stood with her back against the counter. She tucked her lips in and peered at the other woman. Alison was standing next to the table, blue eyes fixed on Emily as if she was waiting for a cue from her.
Emily sucked in a heavy breath through her nose. "I'm sorry if I overreacted last night." She still wasn't sure if she was in the wrong or not. Last night was clouded under a haze of exhaustion. Either way, just like Alison couldn't go rogue, Emily knew that she couldn't blow up either.
Alison was quiet, she twisted her lips while she decided what to say. Eventually she just shrugged. "I'm sorry that I left you alone all day...I didn't mean to do that. I really did just lose track of time." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "It wasn't a great day for me either."
Emily noted a touch of sadness in her voice. She pushed her brows together. "What happened?" She asked.
"Lunch just..." She stopped and folded her arms around herself almost protectively. She shook her head again. "It didn't really go as planned I guess."
Emily wished that Alison wasn't always so vague. She knew that the blonde didn't owe her any details, but she still wished that she would offer them. It reminded Emily of how she was when they first met. Back then, the vagueness was a part of Alison's intrigue. As time went by though, it frustrated the brunette more and more.
But now didn't feel like the right time to scold her. Emily wanted to go forward, not backward. "Listen," she redirected. "Last night when you said that you're trying I- I know that... I can see that you are. I'm trying too."
"I know you are," Alison told her quietly. "And it's hard because I know you're better at this than me."
"It's not about that," Emily shook her head. Sure, the childcare part came a little bit more natural to her, but she'd been around them for a while now and had taken care of them in the past. The part about trying didn't have to do with the kids. It was obvious that Alison was trying to do her best with them. "I think we need to try a little bit harder with each other," Emily told her.
Alison pinched her brows slightly and tilted her head at that.
"I mean... we need to learn how to work together. We need to trust each other and be there for each other if this is going to work," Emily told her seriously.
"But... you don't trust me. So..." Alison trailed off.
Emily folded her arms. "I want to," she admitted to the other woman quietly. It was hard to be vulnerable.
"I want you to too," Alison said. Her voice came out even more quiet than Emily's. It was barely a whisper.
Emily wanted to believe her. She really did. She closed her eyes and nodded.
"Em..."
Emily opened her eyes immediately at the nickname.
Alison was looking straight at her. The blonde sucked in a quick breath and spoke. "I- about what happened after the wedding-"
"I don't know if I want to talk about that right now," Emily interrupted. The last few days had been a lot. She wanted to figure out the future, the past was too heavy to dig up.
Alison closed her mouth. She stared back at the brunette for a beat and then dropped her eyes towards the floor. She nodded her head a few times in understanding. There was some movement back in the living room and both women snapped their heads in that direction. It hadn't been long, but their senses were already trained to the kids. Emily took a few steps in the direction of the kids, but Alison stopped her before she passed by. "Let's talk more tonight. We'll try to come up with a plan for the next few weeks."
Emily nodded, impressed with the initiative. "Sounds good," she said.
They went into the living room to rejoin the kids and got on with their day. It wasn't much like they noticed that it was the weekend. It seemed like the days were just running together at this point. Luckily this day had been pretty easy. The kids weren't completely wired or terribly cranky. They were relaxed and happy to go with the flow without too much commotion. Emily wondered if maybe they were settling in and getting used to the life with her and Alison taking care of them. She knew that everyday wouldn't be like today had been. There were going to be days where Ellie refused to nap and was cranky from the afternoon until bed. There were going to be nights when Liam needed one of them to stay up with him. But today had been good. It gave her hope.
At the end of the evening, Emily waited for Alison downstairs in the living room while Alison was upstairs getting Ellie to sleep. They had both her to bed together most previous nights, but they knew that wouldn't last forever and Alison volunteered to take the first solo turn.
She thought about the conversation that they planned to have later. She felt like they could get on the same page. She hoped so. It seemed like Alison wanted to. She thought about their conversation earlier too. Alison mentioning the past had made her heart slam in her chest. She wasn't ready to talk about it. Not yet.
But that didn't mean it wasn't constantly on her mind.
When Alison finally walked downstairs, she walked right past Emily and into the kitchen. A few moments later, she heard a cork pop and figured out what Alison was doing.
"Did you want some?" Alison took a few steps into the living room and held a glass out with a pour of white wine in it.
"I'm good," Emily told her. Alison took a couple more steps into the room and Emily eyed the glass. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea. "Actually never mind... I'll take one."
Alison huffed out a laugh. She set the glass she was holding in front of Emily and walked into the kitchen to get another for herself. When she returned, she sat down across from the brunette. "So... working together... being there for each other."
Emily nodded. "I think we should come up with a plan for the future. We aren't just going to sit in this house together all day every day. I know that things aren't easy right now, but we've got to work on getting back to our lives." She realized that a part of the issue was that they were doing the same things everyday and she was expecting change. That wouldn't happen if they just stayed stuck in the house.
"It's not easy..." Alison agreed. "I mean, how do we just move on?"
Emily pushed her lips together. She didn't want to make it seem like she was trying to ignore the obvious fact that they had all gone through something traumatic. "I know we can't move on... more like I think we need to try to move forward."
Alison nodded and took a long sip of her wine. "How are we supposed to do that?" She asked.
"I don't really know..." Emily confessed. "I thought maybe about figuring out a way to go back to work?" She suggested.
Alison nodded without much intent. "What do you do again?" She asked, realizing that they hadn't spoken much about their personal lives.
"I actually work at Rosewood High," Emily told her.
"Where Spence and I went to school?" Alison gawked.
Emily chuckled a little. "Yeah..." she confirmed.
"Geez, bless you," Alison raised her brows. "What do you do there?"
"I teach PE classes and do some other sub work. Then after school, I coach the swim team."
"I didn't know that..." Alison trailed off. "So what are they doing without you?"
"Struggling," Emily gave a little laugh and finally took a sip of her wine.
"So do you want to go back? Do you miss it?"
Emily nodded, "I do... yeah." She meant that to both of the questions. She wanted to go back. It felt like she would need to eventually, but she did also miss it. She missed her students- some of them anyway- and felt like she was doing a disservice to her swimmers by being away for so long.
"You can do that if you want," Alison shrugged a shoulder. "I can keep the kids during the day... if you trust me."
"I do..." Emily nodded. She meant it. Alison had consistently shown that she was up to the job of taking care of the kids. "What about you though? Don't you have to get back to work too?" Emily actually had zero idea what the blonde did for work, but she did something... right?
Alison took another sip of wine and grumbled. "Yeah... about that."
Emily arched a brow and waited for her to continue. She remembered a long time ago that Alison worked for her family, but she also remembered that the blonde hated that.
"That's actually where I was yesterday," Alison told her.
"Working?" Emily asked.
"Well I met my editor for lunch. It didn't go well."
"Editor?" Emily knew that Alison had written and gotten a novel published in the last five years. She hadn't read it, but supposedly it was a hit.
Alison exhaled, "Yeah... I had to tell him that I need to push back the dates of my sequel novel," she shook her head. "He wasn't happy."
"So you're supposed to be writing?" Emily hadn't seen Alison write in a laptop or otherwise since they'd moved into the house. She could have been doing it in her room, but Emily doubted that given how tired they both were every night.
"Yeah, they paid me an advance because they wanted a sequel. I started writing it when I moved back but..." she shrugged. "I just can't right now."
"You could," Emily offered. "We could set aside times for you to write and I'll make sure that Ellie and Liam don't disturb you."
"No I mean like I literally can't," Alison told her. "I can't get my head clear enough to write anything."
"So like writer's block?"
Alison rubbed her hand over her face. "I don't know," she grumbled. "I told him that I needed more time. Then he told me that I would need to pay the advance back and it went downhill from there."
Emily wanted to ask how much the advance was, but she didn't think that was appropriate.
"I went to the office in the city to try and find the documents. I just wanted to get them to ask my Aunt what she thought about all of that legally."
"That's probably a good idea," Emily nodded. She had no idea how those type of contracts worked, but from what she knew, Veronica was a good lawyer.
"Well I never found them. I was digging through boxes and I wound up finding a bunch of Spencer's things and it was just..." She shook her head, as if not wanting to think about it. "It was a lot."
Emily pushed her lips together in understanding. She felt a little bit guilty now for being so angry with the other girl. She had thought that maybe she was with someone or back at her apartment catching up on sleep. She hadn't really considered that Alison had lost track of time because she was grieving. Emily had avoided going through anything personal of Spencer and Toby's at all costs. Hell, she was literally sleeping on a couch every night because she was so averse to going into their bedroom. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine," Alison immediately responded.
The tone of the blonde's voice told Emily that she was probably very much not fine, but she didn't want to push it. "Do you know what's going to happen with the advance?" Emily asked to redirect.
"I'll probably have to pay it back," Alison shrugged.
"Are you going to be fine, like financially?" Emily asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine don't worry," Alison waved off. "Plus the lease to my apartment goes up in about a month. Partially why I brought so many bags."
Emily frowned. "I literally just re-signed my lease a week before... you know."
"Yeah..." Alison nodded. "At least you'll have somewhere to hide from me."
"Ali..." Emily sighed and shook her head. She thought of what Alison said the previous evening when they were arguing. That Emily didn't even like her. There was a part of Emily that wondered if she'd ever forgive Alison for everything that had taken place years ago, but she never hated the other woman. She didn't even dislike her now. Sure she found Alison to be frustrating and even downright infuriating at times, but she wanted to like her. Emily stood up and walked over to where the blonde was sitting. She looked at her and spoke again. "I want this to work. I want us to be a team and support each other and be able to raise these kids together."
Alison looked directly into her eyes. She tucked her lips in and nodded. She looked at her lap briefly and then back to Emily. "I want that too," she said softly.
As much as Emily didn't want to admit it, there was something pulling at her heart strings. Maybe it was the look in Alison's eyes, maybe it was the wine, she wasn't really sure, but it was there. It gave Emily the confidence to do something that before today she wasn't sure she would ever want do again. "Come here," she put her hand on Alison's shoulder and brought her in for a hug.
Alison leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Emily firmly. She rested her head on the brunette's shoulder and sighed at the warmth.
It felt like they were both committing to not just raising the kids together, but supporting each other. Emily needed this. She needed something to give her the confidence that they could do it. And right here, in the warm embrace, she was pretty sure that she'd finally found that.
—
A/N- It took an argument, but I think that these two are making progress here. I know that Emily's backstory took up quite a bit of the chapter, but I hope that it helps to understand her a bit better. She's been through a lot in life. She's accustomed to loss, and has grown from loss in the past, but to do so has required her to open herself up to others. A big part of her character arc here is Emily figuring out how to do that with Alison- who, let's face it, doesn't do well opening herself up either. They've got a long way to go.
Hope you're enjoying their journey here in this story! Thanks for sticking with it and continuing to read and leave feedback. You guys are great!