"I can't believe you just let her walk away!"
Nicky's mouth dropped open wide in aghast as she leaned back in the chair she had sank down into over half an hour ago. She was technically supposed to be running errands for her mother's firm, but never seemed to be in a hurry. Red had given up asking her where she was supposed to be. She knew it didn't matter and Nicky's leisurely afternoon visits had been something enjoyable Red could depend on.
"What was I supposed to do, Nicky?" Red asked, though her lips were tight with uncertainty.
Tricia had been heavy on her mind ever since their chance encounter. She'd replayed that scene over and over in her head countless times growing more and more regretful in the past few days. She should have insisted Tricia come with her, but she didn't think she had the right to tell her to do anything anymore. Not after she'd given her up.
"You said she's staying with a cousin?" Nicky asked, scraping her fork against her plate to gather up the last bite of mashed potatoes.
"Sometimes," Red said shortly.
She bit down on her bottom lip and stared mournfully at a stack of cardboard boxes that the delivery driver had left by the counter for her. She didn't feel like she had the energy to unpack them right now. Lying awake at night wondering where Tricia was and what she was doing had her completely exhausted, but she reached for a pair of scissors anyway.
"Where she is the rest of the time...your guess is as good as mine," Red said, using the blade of the scissors to slice through the packing tape.
"Maybe under a bridge somewhere?" Though she imagined things much worse than even that. Tricia was consuming her, made even more taxing after training herself not to think about her for so long. Her family had noticed she'd been quieter lately, but they all had a lot going on and didn't think much of it.
"She's probably just with friends," Nicky tried to sound confident, as she stood up to go rinse off her dishes in the sink.
She had always felt guilty about the hand she'd played in what happened to Tricia. Knowing that she was alive, sober, and out of prison gave Nicky a glimmer of hope that things might be set right finally. She would love more than anything to make things up to Tricia now, or at least help repair the rift she'd helped create between her and Red. It still astounded her that Red hadn't been more persistent. Nicky knew that she would have been, if she'd been there.
"Not the right kind of friends," Red said darkly.
Nicky opened the dishwasher door and slipped her plate, cup, and utensils inside. She never left this place hungry and she loved having a home-cooked meal for lunch. She was staying later and later each day. Red was usually busy with a rush of customers when she got there, and Nicky always hung around to give them time to talk once things settled down. This was one of the only genuinely close relationships Nicky still had in her life, and she nurtured it.
"Want some help?" she offered brightly.
"Shouldn't you be getting back?" Red gave her a funny look, but at the same time she held out one of the jars she'd been unpacking. She was too tired to turn Nicky down.
"Marka won't care," Nicky said indifferently, as she took the jar from her. "Where does this go?"
"Behind the ones already on the shelf," Red replied. "That goes for everything. They're all labelled."
"Seems easy enough," Nicky replied.
"You would think," Red said dryly, "but somehow Dmitri always manages to mess it up."
She picked up the coffee she'd been attempting to drink all afternoon and took a deep sip. Thanks to the insulated mug Maxsim had bought her, it stayed warm all day. Which was usually how long she needed to get it down. She sank into the chair that Nicky had vacated and crossed her legs. It was the first time she had been off her feet since that morning and she savoured it, watching Nicky muttering to herself as she tried to match the shelf labels written in Russian to the right product.
"Where is he anyway?" Nicky asked casually.
"Dmitri? Who knows? Who cares?" Red said indifferently, though there was a slight edge in her voice that caught Nicky's attention.
"I know Lida is staying home with the kids for now, but damn, what's his excuse?" Nicky asked.
"I suppose his excuse is that he can get away with it," Red said slowly, after taking another long sip of coffee.
"I never stood up to him, or held him accountable," she explained. "It's strange then...how different I was with Tricia. Isn't it?"
"You wanted her to be better than that," Nicky replied. "You want the best for all your kids. That's why you're a strict mom….but a very good one." She finished quickly.
Red's tight lips stretched a bit in the slightest curve of a smile. She sipped her coffee and watched Nicky move around the store as she worked to unpackage all the product for her. She offered her a few directions, and then left her to it. A couple people came and went from the store, occupying Red's attention for several minutes and then she settled back into her chair. Nicky was putting the last of it all away.
"I'm thinking of trying to track her down later," Nicky said several minutes later, breaking the companionable silence that had fallen between them.
Red paused with her coffee halfway to her lips. "And say what?"
"I don't know," Nicky shrugged. "Maybe ask her to come be my roommate? I've got more than enough space."
"You know that Tricia doesn't like handouts," Red reminded her.
"That didn't stop you from trying to bring her home," Nicky pointed out, and Red frowned.
"I think the only reason she even said a word to me was because she wanted to pay me back for anything I ever gave her," she said stiffly.
"Like what?" Nicky asked, walking back across the store to take a few more items out of the final box.
"Soaps and sweets," Red scoffed.
"She was completely serious," she said, biting down on her lower lip and holding Nicky's gaze as Nicky paused in front of her.
"I never wanted anything in exchange for what I gave any of you girls," Red said, clutching her hand tightly around Nicky's wrist. "I just wanted you to be alright, but she didn't understand that."
"She's not used to being taken care of," Nicky reminded her gently. "It's not her fault or yours, she'll come around. Now that she knows your door is open."
Red sighed but didn't dispute her, even though she felt Nicky was being a bit too optimistic. She wouldn't blame Tricia for not coming around. In her shoes, Red was sure she wouldn't have. She slowly dropped her hand from Nicky's wrist, and let her girl finish putting the last bit away while she got to her feet, and picked up one of the empty boxes. She punched the side of it at the seal, and then easily pulled back the tape. Then she did the same with the other side.
"Do you have to get going now?" Red asked, breaking down another box and then standing it up against the counter with the other to go out for recycling.
Nicky shrugged. "I don't have to," she replied.
"I want you to stay here," Red told her. "I was just thinking that Tricia is likely to go back for another meeting. What are the chances?
"Probably high, if she's really serious about staying clean," Nicky said. "Marka makes me go to one every morning just across the road from her office. I guess it helps."
"Do you think I should try to catch her?" Red glanced at the clock hung on the wall. She knew from the times she'd taken Koyla to his group at the center, that the AA meeting was taking place right now. Tricia might be there. Maybe she could see her once it was done.
"Worse thing that happens, she tells you to go away," Nicky said. "Best case scenario, she gets to realize how much you care. I know I'd be touched."
It was decided then. Red broke down the final cardboard box and carried the pile into the back room where she stored her recycling. She came back into the store a few minutes later, with her apron off and her purse over one shoulder. She had reapplied her lipstick and she looked determined.
"You'll stay here and keep an eye on things." It was a command, more than a question.
"I want to go with you," Nicky protested. "I want to see Tricia too. Besides, I don't speak Russian."
"But you know where everything is now," Red smiled.
"So, this is what I get for trying to be helpful," Nicky huffed dramatically.
Red wrote down Lida's phone number for her, and patted Nicky's cheek on her way out. She didn't know when she'd be back. She didn't know what she was going to do if Tricia wasn't there today. Would you go looking for her? Red wouldn't even know where to begin. Her mind was skipping ahead of her considering all the different possibilities of how this could play out. She wanted to bring Tricia home though. Her resolution was that this was the right choice.