The sunrise is in full swing as I approach the meadow, and it almost makes me want to lay in the grass and watch it. Almost.

It still feels too sudden to lay in the meadow that gave me hope that my family would survive after the death of my father. The family that is now missing its most important member. The meadow will have to wait.

I duck under the fence that some of the citizens have pulled back up. They think it will help keep out the wild animals, and for the first time I agree. Those animals must have had a good time while the humans were gone because dozens scurry off in all directions at the sound of my arrival. I see the old log that I used to hid my bow in, but that will have to wait. Today, I am on a different mission.

I see the path that leads to Gale and I's old meeting place. In fact, I almost begin to walk down it out of habit, but I stop myself. That part of my life is over now. It was gone when I realized Gale had a part in killing Prim, and it was reassured when Gale left. I know now that I never needed him in a romantic way or his rage and fire. I have plenty of that myself. I needed him to save my family and to be my friend, things he had managed to fail at.

Instead, I head in the opposite direction, one that I know leads to a pharmacy of plants and herbs. As I collect them, I think of the person that I am gathering them for. Peeta, the boy with the bread, my dandelion in the spring. The optimist of our trio, the boy that used to scare off my nightmares, and the boy that I wanted to save more than myself. I used to feel safest with him, but Snow took that away.

Despite him still having his hijacking moments, he seems to be healing or even healed. His smile has returned as has the light in his eyes. He's gaining the muscle he lost back by lifting heavy bags of flour and rebuilding our district. The people of the town seem to love him like they always did. Everything seems back to normal except for me.

But that dream has made me feel different today. Instead of sulking around my house, I've set out to help him. It was the motivation that I needed to get back into the woods. My mood is better than it has been in a long time. A sense of bliss filled me from the moment I woke up.

Peeta has done that for me, so I am doing this for him. I want him to know that I am trying, even if it is slow and sporadic. I want to heal. For him. For Prim. For me.

Once I have collected enough, I begin to walk back towards the fence. I can tell by the sun that it is not quiet noon, so Peeta should still be at the bakery. I find myself wondering what his face will look like when I bring him the herbs he's asked for.

For the first time in a while, I have thought myself through a situation without the help of Dr. Aurelius, and I can't wait to tell my lazy doctor about it. I have realized that there is nothing I can do to stop myself from loving Peeta. I have tried to for as long as I could, and I have failed over and over again.

What I can do is protect him. I can prevent him from getting hurt. The hurt that comes with being someone I love.

In reality, it was me doing the most harm to him. I tried to deny my feelings with him and it resulted in stunting his personal healing. I should have been there for him. I should have done everything I could to get him back. That's what he would have done for me.

But I've always been emotionally stunned. I'm a teenager that had to grow up too quickly. I was too focused on keeping my family feed and alive or winning a rebellion that I couldn't feel everything that I needed to feel.

Now, I've broken down the walls that I built. I understand why my mother sealed herself off after my father died.

I need Peeta.

As I approach the bakery, I feel my palms grow sweaty. My heart begins to pound against my chest, and the urge to see Peeta is overwhelming. My feet carry me faster at the sight of him, even though his back is to me. As I push open the door, it happens.

The bell rings, and it pulls them apart. I've just interrupted Peeta and Rae kissing in the empty lobby of the bakery.

It's quiet as they try to register what is going on. Rae's pale face grows red, and she avoids eye contact with me. Peeta is speechless for the first time in his life. His mouth opens and closes a few times, trying desperately to explain the scene that I have just walked into.

I clear my throat awkwardly. "I'm sorry for interrupting," I tell them while trying to keep my voice even. The last thing I need to do is breakdown and cry about the boy that I had and didn't want until it was too late. "I just wanted to drop these off." I empty the contents of my bag on a nearby table.

As I turn to leave, I hear Peeta call out to me, "Katniss!" He must have regained his ability to speak.

But it's too late. I leave the bakery and walk as fast as my legs will carry me without looking like I am fleeing from a predator.

My blissful mood is gone, and I'm a mess by the time I reach my house.

I climb the stairs in a flash and make my way into my bathroom. I peel off my clothing before stepping into the shower. Like the day before, I sink to the floor and gather my knees. Sobs uncontrollably rack through me, and I can only hope that the sound of the water will hide them from unexpected visitors.

Once again, I have this hallow feeling in my chest. My heart has opened to someone only to be torn from its place stomped on. I finally decided to let Peeta be more than an ally, and it backfired on me.

When I have no more tears left, I emerge from the shower, toss on some Cinna- approved pajamas, and crawl into my bed.

It's evening by the time I wake from an empty stomach. I've managed to only eat a few berries today, and the smell of something delicious has woken me up. I can faintly hear the clinking of pots and pans from below.

I manage to pull myself out of the warm covers and to my bathroom. My eyes are red, puffy, and swollen. I'm almost embarrassed that Sae will have to see me like this. I brush my hair and don't bother to braid it. She'll understand that I am a mess physically and mentally today.

I immediately stop once I am in the kitchen. I'm not greeted by Sae's tan skin, but by a blonde man in white t shirt. He turns from the stove to see me, two bowls steaming from his hands.

He grins at me. The kind that reaches his eyes. He crosses the room, walking right past me, and places the bowls on my dining table. "I asked Sae if I could cook for you tonight. I figured we have some things we need to talk about."

I don't move. I can't move. "Peeta, there's nothing to explain. It's fine." I'm about to kick him out when my stomach growls loudly, giving me away.

Peeta chuckles at the noise and gestures for me to sit at the spot across from him. "Eat, Katniss."

If I wasn't starving, perhaps I would have been stronger in my resolve. Yet, I take my seat and dig into the bowl chicken noodle soup.

After a few moments, Peeta is the first to speak. "I thought we agreed to stop doing this."

His words make me freeze, and I'm transported back to Snow's garden. We agreed to stop lying to each other, and then he told me who was really responsible for killing my little sister. It was the reason I killed Coin and am still living in exile to this day.

I look up from my soup and see him staring at me. "What do you mean?" I croak out.

"If I stopped being so wounded, we could take a shot at being friends. Well, I'm not wounded anymore, mostly. So, why are you still looking at me and treating me like I am?"

"I'm not," I tell him, but even I'm not convinced by my voice.

Peeta shakes his head. "She kissed me out of no where."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"But I want to," he says. "One second we're talking about the differences between our schooling, the next she's kissing me, and then you're there looking like I've tried to kill you again. I learn that the girl I've been in love with since I was five loved me back at one point, and now I can't seem to do anything right."

I look back down at my soup. Things were good between us before the Quarter Quell, and I discovered my true feelings for him in the arena. The rebellion put a hold on everything as did Peeta's hijacking. Now that there are no distractions, we should be together... right?

"She came to see me, you know," he adds when I don't respond. "She came a lot actually. She'd just listen to me scream about you being a mutt, but eventually she started talking. She told me about your father, her goat, even becoming a medic in 13. One day, I was having a good day, and she said, 'you'll find your way back to her. I've seen the way she looks at you. She loves you, and I know because she looks at me the same way.'"

I know that he's talking about Prim, and my heart constricts. My little sister was wise for a fourteen year old, and she was very observant. I can imagine her saying those words with patience and kindness. I miss her.

"Have you found your way back?" I ask him.

Peeta looks down at his barely eaten food. "I watched our games again."

His confession stuns me. I know that the Capitol made him watch altered scenes with being tortured, but what does he mean by "again?" I look at him, wiling him to continue.

"To reverse the hijacking, I had to watch our games. It was painful, but I think it helped a lot. But I watched them again after that. All of it, not just the highlights of our victory."

I have never watched our games besides the time with Ceaser Flickerman. Haymitch, Peeta, and I watched other victor's games, but never ours. I see it every night in my dreams, so I don't need to be reminded of it in real time.

"Did it help?" I ask barely above a whisper.

"It was hard. Both times were hard, but it helped with the venom. I've had more nightmares though..."

I try to give him a comforting smile, but it feels foreign on my face. "We did what we had to do."

He nods. "I know, and I'd do it all over again if it meant being with you."

I blush at his words, like usual. Raising an eyebrow, I ask, "Even the hijacking?"

He chuckles, and it makes my smile deepen. "I could do without that part." Then, he sighs and asks, "So, what do we do now?"

I give him a confused look. What do we do now? "We survive."

"I'm done surviving," he says with determination. "I want to start living."

We finish our meal before moving to the living room. I take my usual spot on the couch while he sits in the matching chair. He turns on the television, and we watch an old Capitol movie for a while. The air between us has shifted. It feels like something that we have never felt before. Not during the first games, the time between the games, or even in the dark.

Half way through the movie, I get the courage to ask, "Peeta, where are your scars from?"

He looks down at his forearm and studies it with intensity. I almost regret asking, but I need to know. He was somewhere behind Gale and I in the Capitol. I don't know how he managed to survive the pods and make it to the mansion.

"I stayed close to the shops and somehow managed to miss all of the pods. I don't know how with my luck, but I did. I was so close to you at the mansion that I saw you climb the flagpole and heard you scream her name."

I look down at my own skin, wondering how I didn't get more burns. The feeling of being on fire returns to me, and I have to swallow hard.

Sensing my discomfort Peeta says, "I also have this scar on the inside of my right palm. The only thing I can think of that would have made it is an ugly urn in the Training Center."

It's impossible that he would have any scars from the first games after the Capitol erased them all, but the sarcasm in his voice is enough to shut me up. I narrow my eyes at him and joke, "You deserved it. You made me look weak."

He holds up his hands as if to surrender. "I made you look 'desirable.'"

I roll my eyes at his horrible impression of Haymitch and easily recall the time when I thought he was using me as part of his rouse to win the games. A time when I did not trust him with my life. A time when I thought I was going to have to kill him.

It feels like so long ago, but it has only been about three years. Its crazy to think about how much we have changed and how far we have come.

"I'm sorry that I used you," I tell him without anymore of an explanation. There are so many more reasons I could apologize for like getting him tortured, hurting his feelings, lying to him, wishing he was dead, and more.

He tilts his head in confusion. "You're going to have to be a little more specific."

"On the trains. You got rid of my nightmares, but we were still strangers in real life."

He nods his head. "Then I guess I was using you too. You got rid of my nightmares, and I just liked having you close to me. I can't imagine what Gale must have felt while watching you pretend to love me. I did it when I thought I had to kill you and still had a tough time."

I frown at his confession and want to change the subject, but it seems like tonight is a night for getting things off our chests. He needs me to talk about the uncomfortable things, just like I need him to. "He said it was like kissing a drunk person."

Peeta's face scrunches in distaste. "How does he even know what that's like?"

I chuckle at his reaction. If I wasn't so emotionally stunned, I might have had the same one at the time. "I don't know, but apparently, it doesn't count."

At this, Peeta smiles. "I'm okay with that."

We return our attention to the movie, and I begin to drift off at the loss of adrenaline. When the television goes dark, I feel a nudge at my shoulder. I groan and swat it away.

The next thing I feel is being lifted into the air and the warmth of two strong arms. I lean into his chest and smile. After tucking me into my bed, Peeta turns to leave, but I catch his hand. Feeling like deja vu, I whisper, "Stay with me."

It's quiet as he thinks his decision over, but I eventually hear his footsteps move to the other side of my room. The bed shifts, and he pulls me closer. I melt into him, and he inhales the scent of my hair.

"Always."