"Kissing knuckles"

Chapter 8

Cora noticed how much easier it was to abandon the blooming castles in the air that her mind had produced when she was properly tasked with other things. Work was a great escape. After skimming multiple sources in the morning, she soon found herself deeply absorbed in one particular text, which she continued to excerpt and outline for further use during the rest of the day.

With her distraction, the castles in the air became clouds of smoke that the wind on her walk through the afternoon sun on her way home blew into the expanses of the city streets. It seemed to her she had her feet on the ground again and it felt safer this way. Her feet carried her home without fault and much of her input. Her mind was moving thoughts that weren't connected to pretentious dreaming, only considering if her fridge was filled properly enough to avoid a detour to the supermarket. She assumed it was and opened her front door not much later. Turning on the radio in her living room, Cora made herself comfortable on the sofa. She pulled the knitted blanket, that rested in one of the sofa's corners all the time, over her legs and grabbed the novel she had discarded on the coffee table days earlier.

She paused for a moment as she tried to remember when it had been that she had last reclined on her couch to read. When was the last time she hadn't spend time with Robert for a whole day? She couldn't quite remember. Yeah, just friends. She shook her head at herself. That was the promise she had made to Robert. That it wouldn't change anything between them. But just look at them now! There was barely a day they didn't spend together, barely a night she didn't fall asleep next to him, barely 24 hours that passed without feeling his soft lips on hers. This was all she ever wanted but it was not what she had promised Robert. Of course it took two to get to that point, but right now Cora couldn't help but feel like she had somehow tricked him. Maybe things had gotten a little out of hand. She had tried to regulate their thing, to not let her feelings rule into this too much, to initiate some intimacy to a sensible extent. She had been convinced that this would do both, reserved Robert and emotional her, justice. But where were they now? To be honest, Cora had no clue. It felt great as soon as she had Robert's company but she'd avoided reflecting on the state they had manoeuvred themselves in.

Great! What should have become an afternoon to gain a little distance to her lofty musings had led to her questioning the sincerity of the foundation their thing was based on in no time. It was sure that her current distance to Robert was best right now. First, she had to figure out how to handle all this. Robert's presence would make her unable to do so.

With a sigh, she put her novel back down, pulled her knees up to her chin and hugged her legs. For a short moment, her thoughts threatened to make a turn into realms of doubt. There was this question, hidden in a faraway part of her mind, if maybe Cora had started it all wrong. Her initiation of their first kiss might have been a wrong-laid foundation to a joint future. But she never allowed this question to fully grow into something she could consider to be true. Also now she managed to push away the doubting thoughts and instead a touch of a smile grazed her face. The memory of how their thing had begun was a fond one. Their first kiss had been sweet and thrilling in the unusual setting from which it had grown. From the moment he had gently grabbed her by the waist and she had felt he really wanted to take part while he had pulled her in for another kiss, she couldn't help but feel that all of this was absolutely right. His reaction after his first stupefaction had convinced her that this hadn't just been her begging him for a kiss. As much as Robert's reluctance to change anything about the status quo would tell otherwise, from the moment Cora had taken a chance with him it hadn't been one-sided. Robert had been involved in the warm intimacy the spark had lit between them.

But even if this was something he felt deep down too (for sure not in the same intensity as Cora, but that wouldn't make it any less beautiful to her) that didn't justify her pushing him into this faster than he was ready. Probably he too hadn't had much of the possibility to think about the two of them over the last days and weeks. To compensate for pushing extensive intimacy onto him she would give him a few days to himself now. She wouldn't go over to his apartment today, she wouldn't bother him with suggestions of how to spend the next afternoons together. She would take the fast speed out of their thing. It had picked up the pace without them noticing and she owed it to Robert to keep control of it.

Cora would be content with replaying the scene of their first kiss meanwhile over and over again. She leaned back against the cushions of the sofa and tried to recall every bit of that moment.

…

With a low thud, the bottle of wine sat down on the coffee table. Cora put two glasses for them beside the dark-tainted bottle. Her eyes then wandered over Robert's form on the sofa. She was so glad he'd agreed to come in. She didn't want to miss his company (and it allowed her a moment longer to swoon over his broad shoulders, which was much more fun with him really sitting next to her than when she had to conjure his image up from memory.) She saw Robert holding the book he had lent her. He returned it to the clattered tabletop as he commented, "You're quite far already."

She watched as his right hand brushed over the cover of the novel absentmindedly. Her senses only took in the movement of his hand, the soft sound it provoked, the gentleness in its activity and yes, she had to agree she was quite far already. But that was not what he'd meant.

"Yes, don't say anything. I don't want it to be spoiled!" she answered as she managed to return her focus properly. She quickly sat down next to him. He continued talking about books and bookmarks and Cora somehow managed to listen closely enough to provide him with answers but actually, her mind was set on how inviting his arms looked. Yes, she fancied him, her best friend, but golly, her infatuation had never been this present! But she saw how he looked at her, how his eyes were affixed on her attentively, and she knew that this must be the reason why he appeared especially inviting to her. Because he was. He cared for her. A lot. And he radiated this welcoming and inviting pull. And now, she also saw it in his resigned expression when she declined his offer to lend her a bookmark. He looked so sweet when a little bummer evoked sad puppy eyes in him. As he looked at her like that a hearty laugh bubbled up in her. As much as his manly traits – his muscular arms, his toned thighs, his large palms – affected her sanity lately, he was a sweet puppy after all. His expression amused her and she threw her head back as laughter shook her body. Robert really tried to have an impact on her with his orderly manners and even if she didn't think he could change her reading habits, his investment only increased her silent gushing. He was such a sweet man!

She grinned at him and expected Robert to reciprocate the smile but instead found his eyes glued to her lips. Golly! He really did give her a hard time pretending she only saw him as a best friend.

And finally, she decided to do what she had thought about for weeks now. She proposed the compromise she thought would work for the two of them. There was chemistry between them, she was sure of that. But she knew Robert would never change a thing about their friendship. Cora didn't know what it would take for him to make a move on her and ask her out, but she better didn't want to wait to find out.

She gathered herself to take matters in hand herself.

"Robert?" His name left her lips easily. She wouldn't have needed to say his name, his full attention was already on her, but she liked it. She liked caressing the word with her lips and tongue.

"Would you kiss me?" She knew from the way he had eyed her mouth that he couldn't be entirely averse to the idea. But his confused and struggling response was no surprise to her. Still, her heart beat high in her throat. She couldn't imagine what it would mean if this had been too brash and too fast for him. Cora still had her ace up her sleeve and she dearly hoped her idea of a compromise would work with him.

When she felt the tug on her hand – that had been in his unknowingly for a while – after she had said softly, "As a friend, if you like so," her heart fluttered back into its rightful place in her chest and it had never felt so light and giddy at the same time.

The rest of the evening was a great mixture of sensations. When Cora fell back onto her bed after she had closed the front door behind a smirking and charming Robert, she couldn't wipe the wide smile from her face. Her mind was filled with his warm lips on hers, the last hint of his aftershave she had discerned when her nose had brushed his cheek, his fingertips pressing lightly into the small of her back. She sighed unintentionally. In between reliving the sensations of his body close up, there was the sound of his soothing voice. She knew they have had a decent conversation about their evening at the cinema after having their fill of kissing, but right now she could only remember the sound of his voice and not a single word of what either of them might have said. But that was all right for the moment. She could swoon and gush all night. She had brought Robert to take a step she wasn't quite sure she had thought possible. Reasonability could wait till morning. Cora hoped so much that she could have both. Intimate moments with Robert and a reasonable friendship with her buddy.