DISCLAIMER: I'll allow that I'm good at writing stories, but let's face it, I DON'T OWN INVADER ZIM!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm SSSOOO SORRY I put this off for that loooong~!
CHAPTER 8: "Non Nanny Nitwitty"
No one had any idea how hard it was to have kids. Especially because, aside from the scientists and my Tatronian, we were ALL kids...who had no idea about their own life, in general, so...well, now we knew...! Don't feed Vortian kids doughnuts with blueberry filling.
SERIOUSLY!
They all bounced off the walls so hard, I'd almost think that they were made out of springs! While Alli attempted to analyze them with a medical scanner -they weren't holding still, so that wasn't working- my Tatronian tried to coax them with snacks and tranquilizers. Dib kept trying to look up each of the key ingredients in the blueberry filling, to try to find the problem.
After about ten minutes, they were captured by the scientists' stasis-rays and after a few more minutes, Dib found out what had happened.
"Okay, so...this species of blueberry apparently has a different effect when the vitamin E combines with the preservative...sorbic acid, these two in combination with enzymes in the Vortian body are broken down into a new chemical, which has a type of cocaine-type reaction... Everybody get that?" He turned around to see them trying to keep the kids from squirming in the stasis-rays' fields. "Umm, everybody, ATTENTION! It ain't gonna' work: they need to be able to move around to keep from burning up. There's literally no way to counteract 'titunn', it says, unless you have the right equipment. Anyway we could get some 'parsicnenn'?" He handed the screen over to the Head Scientist, Interchwoo.
"Uhhhh...sure...because we ALWAYS pack a pack of parsicnenn in our stuff!" The Head Scientist replied.
(T/P: "Titunn", pronounced: "Tit-nn".
"Parsicnenn", pronounced: "PAR-sick-nenn".)
"Eh, what're we gonna' do with 'em?" Asked Arrapoi, pointing to their captured charges.
"Hhh...since it'd be too dangerous to keep them locked up, we could put them outside someplace, where they can run," Dib replied.
"Huh," Interchwoo apparently had not thought like that.
"That'll take hours!" Another scientist, Quoi, replied. "Honestly, how many open places are there for these kids to run?"
Dib just looked at him, thinking, before he finally realized. "In the desert! Well, it's partially-desert. It's just outside the city, and there's a lot less moisture. There's lots of grass, and they can run around without being stared at! We call it 'Scary Valley', and it's one of the sweetest-smelling places in C-"
"Wait, wait, why's it called, 'Scary Valley'?" Moshon was naturally wary of anything a kid obsessed with dangerous and paranormal beings was suggesting.
"Hoh...I think it was because the person who named it had the last name, 'Scary'." Dib replied. "It's really a pleasant place."
"Uuh...hold on while I -yep, it's verified! Scary Valley it is, then!" Dreenk, Minky, and Quoi had all looked it up immediately, and come to the same conclusion. Verified it with a lot of sources.
"How do we get these things -er, 'kids'- down there...?" Pillows asked, skeptically.
One super-fast, cloaked-ship-flight later, and we were all standing about five miles east and a little south of The Red City, happily not dying, or getting rained on. The three Vortians hyped-up on titunn ran around ecstatically, as all Vortian children on titunn usually would.
Alli relaxed on a picnic blanket she'd remembered to grab, and Shy ran around her in her normal cat-form, snickering at horny toads.
Dib observed the aliens -they outnumbered him and they were interesting- and everything else, and I just sighed, twiddling my toes. This was actually more nerve-wracking than normal: maybe someone was going to start attacking the other because they said something rude, or they'd get tired of standing out here, and attempt to experiment on them, or maybe even my Tatronian and Alli's cat-robot, Shy, would get into a weird, Tatronian/cat/robot-alien space-battle?!
These were honestly-real possibilities, at this point.
"Hey, how come we don't see very many people," Pillows asked Dib, poking towards him. Dib turned around just in time to avoid getting poked, that then annoyed Pillows... Honestly, Pillows like poking people! (That was something that I wished I hadn't had to know about him...)
"Huh...because, despite how much they claim to enjoy 'eating healthy' and 'getting exercise', the people in Red City usually like to do those things close to coffee-shops and smoothie-joints. In order to get out here, in this field, we'd have to go AWAY from the main road, off-trail, and hike about half a mile -not everybody's into that!" Dib pointed out. At this point in time, I had walked away, and only later did I hear what had happened after I had left.
"I'm getting hungry~!" Shy said, well, meowed. She didn't actually say anything, as scrawled over to Alli.
"I brought sandwiches," Alli's response was relieving to the cat, who sniffed them before she ran off.
The hopping, hyped-up alien kids frolicked in the field.
Alli was suddenly pressed into service, attempting to chase the kids away from the direction of the main road. It worked, but that left them hopping around even further into the distance. The scientists looked like they were actually less bored than they were when they'd first called them.
Surprisingly, despite the hyperactivity, the mumblins were not easy to see until they hopped, making for some very unusual sights. The little hologrammed-heads hopping up above the grasses in the field were hilarious!
She was so distracted by them, that Alli didn't notice someone walking around nearby until it was almost too late! She gasped as she saw a familiar face staring at her from across the field, and one could swear she paled by ten or eleven shades. "Hoh..."
Her surprise visitor just stood there, smiling, using an old-style camera to capture the hilarity of the hopping children and Alli, not at all worried that she was hanging around with a bunch of complete strangers.
Alli walked up to her, anxious, and trying hard not to look like she cared. "Oh, hi, A-"
"ALLIII!" She was immediately hugged. "WOW, how LONG has IT BEEN!?" She squeed while she hugged her. Alli finally managed to escape from her arms.
"Ack!" She gasped for breath before asking, "Aunt CONNIE, what are YOU doing HERE!?" She glanced at her old, film camera.
"Why, I was just visiting the area, and wanted to see my own little niecey, while I photographed the rare, wild, cyber-cats!" She said, waving her camera around. "Like that one, over there!" She pointed to Alli's cat, stalking a mouse. Or, just the grass. "Then, I ran into you, and all of your friends, and I just COULDN'T RESIST commemorating it in a picture~!"
"Yeaaahhhh..." The fact that she didn't even know that Alli's cat was now transforming into a robot every evening, and yet was STILL photographing cyber-cats, was totally the norm. "Well, er, I'm here with MY, ER, FRIENDS! and we were just...keeping the kids from crashing into things by letting them run off their energy outside~" Alli hoped that her LOUD HINTING VOICE was enough to get them to pay attention, but the others were still too busy with the kids.
"So, why don't you INTRODUCE me to YOUR FRIENDS!" Aunt Connie now stated, a hand on her shoulder.
"We-well," Alli thought, quickly, "What are cyber-cats? You said that you were photographing them..." she eyed her Aunt's camera suspiciously.
"Those?! They're just the cybernetically-modified cats that have been released from the research building, Pharmcorn, down the road. They lost their funding, but they released the animals without de-modifying them OR euthanizing them!" She looked angry.
"Eee?" Alli asked, not quite sure where this was going.
"So, who's this?" Asked Aunt Connie, as "Aunt Tatty" had come up to them, out of curiosity.
"I'm Tatty, Jik's aunt." She looked down at Alli, wondering if she'd told her anything. Since it was obvious Connie was confused, she continued. "He's a friend Alli."
"Aww, how cool!" Then Aunt Connie turned to Alli, "You never told me you made friends at your new school~!"
Panicked, Alli thought back to exactly how much had been happening, and why she'd always insisted that everything was normal. "I...didn't think about it...?"
Alli forced herself to calm down, and said, "Well, AUNT CONNIE, it's so great to see you, but don't you want to get those photos to, uh...what were you gonna' do with them?"
"Oh! Send 'em to the newspapers and write a story! I'm writing stories for the 'Sassymentos' while I'm in town!" She stated, pulling out her notes. By this point, Dib had seen what was going on, and decided to approach. "Yeah, I came by for a visit, but there wasn't any place to stay in The Red City, so I had to stay in the next town over, Armadillo. I wanted to call and tell you, because your parents are out of town and I thought you might be lonely, but then I saw them dumping a crate of these poor cyber-cats, and I just HAD to investigate!"
"Huhhhh! Pharmcorn was working on those, but they lost out to my Dad's deal with the National Protectors." Dib stated.
"Hey, nice to meet you, I'm Alli's aunt, Connie!" Aunt Connie greeted Dib.
"Hi, I'm Dib." He stated simply. "I'm Alli's friend."
"Oh, nice to meet you!" Dib was surprised when Aunt Connie didn't ask him about the Pharmcorn deal.
"I see the kids are hoppingly-happy today," Connie observed.
"Hey, what's up? I'm Jik's uh, Uncle, Pillows." One of the scientists came up. He was about seven or eight inches shorter than Aunt Connie.
"Hi! Wait, are you-" She pointed to Aunt Tatty.
"NO! NO, no!" The scientist and Tatronian waved emphatically.
"Oh, well, nice to meet you!" Connie said, still slightly confused. "I'm Connie, Alli's aunt."
"Aunt Connie, it was SO nice to see you," Alli pushed her, trying to get her to leave, "But, as you can see- it, uh, we're fine, here! Why don't you head off and finish up your story?"
"Wait, you want me to leave?" Asked Connie. "When there's a perfectly-good cyber-kitty frolicking just behind us, there?!"
They all looked and saw Alli's cat, hiding behind the bushes. "Aunt Connie has eyes in the back of her head?" Asked Moshon. They all turned to look.
"I'm pretty-sure that's not a cyber-kitty," Alli stated.
"But it walks standing up," Connie said, pointing out that Shy's transformation was probably changing her into more of a robot.
"Yeah, that's my cat! Ah-hah, Shy is so silly!" Alli hoped that would stick.
Her aunt Connie looked at her oddly, but put her finger down.
"Hey, I can help you go find the cyber-kitties," Dib stated. "I'm used to tracking down possessed pumas and all."
"Oh, really?" Asked Connie. "I guess we could, but what about Alli?"
"Ahhh, I want to go with you!" Alli realized the problem immediately.
"Right, you can take Jik, too! We can watch the kids!" Aunt Tatty claimed. She wanted to clear it with the scientists, but the Head Scientist was currently getting thrown into the air by the others, and the three mumblins were doing the same to poor Dreenk. "HEY, JIIIIK!"
"Heeeh!" My head popped up from the grasses I was hiding in, hoping that the other scientists and the mumblins didn't see me. "Yeeeaaah! Oh, over there!" I turned around, finally spotting the group over by the poisonous-berry bushes. "I'm coming!"
"He's your nephew?" Asked Connie, inquisitively.
"Yeah, we're taking care of him, after his parents died," Aunt Tatty repeated their story.
"Huh, I'll, uh, go check on the others," Pillows decided to excuse himself to give the news to the Head Scientist. He pulled out his communicator after I passed him, heading in the opposite direction. The group of scientists and three kids were much further away than I was. (Of course, any parts where I wasn't there, personally, are second-hand.)
"Huh? Since WHEN!?" The Head Scientist was worried that they hadn't noticed what had happened.
"Not to worry, the Tatronian, Jik, Alli, and Dib are going to take care of her." Pillows replied. Then he explained, "And by that, I mean they'll keep her distracted. She has a job to do, reporting on some mishandling of left-over experiments, so she'll be busy tracking down those, 'cyber-kitty' things."
"Pillows, if you don't explain what you mean, I'm going to have to hurt you." Interchwoo stated.
"*Sigh* Oh, she's a reporter for a news company, and was investigating some cyber-kitties that hadn't been exterminated after the funding for the project was cut. The animals were released nearby, and she came across everyone when she saw Alli's cat behaving strangely. Since she's her Aunt, she wants to meet with Alli now, and investigate later. Alli has decided to keep her busy, by inviting Dib and Jik to hunt down the cybernetically-enhanced animals."
"Oh...Okay!" The Head Scientist was not at all worried about me, or about the fact that the cyber-kitties could be violent.
"Oh, you don't have to worry!" Meanwhile, Alli's aunt, Connie, was reassuring me. "We'll only get some evidence! If you're worried, use this EM-emitting device!"
I looked in horror at something that would not be compatible with my body, if I had been in my Irken form.
"I-uh, can't have that around, I have implants!" Dib quickly pushed it back. "But, I have something even better! A protective amulet! Wait, that only works against pumas..." Dib put the amulet back in his pocket.
"Nevermind, I have a few tasers!" Aunt Connie pulled out even more terrifying electronic equipment. "I never go around any city without 'em!"
"Alright! Then, let's get going!" My Tatronian exclaimed, hoping to distract her and give me a lesson in tracking at the same time.
Aunt Connie agreed, "And, do you need to be back by a certain time?" She asked Alli.
"Aaa...as long as the kids can run off their allergic reaction with hopping around, which'll take about three and a half more hours, I think we can stay out that long." Alli commented, worried that her reaction to her aunt's question would not be "normal".
"Allergic reaction?" Asked Connie.
"Yeah, to blueberry-filled doughnuts." Dib replied.
"And to certain preservatives," I added. Apparently, Aunt Connie hadn't heard of an allergic reaction lasting that long, but since they looked to be about three years old, she didn't feel like it was strange.
"Eh, I wish I'd had a field of grass to run around in, when I was a kid!" Aunt Connie said, shrugging.
"You grew up in El Salsa." Alli was apparently used to this.
"You still don't understand the statement." Aunt Connie said, and left it at that.
We arrived at her vehicle, a little scooter parked down the trail. "I have my own ride, but where are yours?" She said as she strapped on a helmet with a very normal motif. It was horrifying. I think it was a picture of a heart with an arrow piercing through it. With a little angel laughing evilly. I don't know why she had that helmet. She had rightfully assumed that in order to get everyone here, we'd need at least a bus!
"Uh, yeah, we were-" Aunt Tatty's comment was interrupted by Dib's.
"We came in a hover-car!" His comment made me snicker; he was just so panicked!
"I'll have to go get it," Aunt Tatty replied. "We walked a way from where we parked."
"Well, hop on! I'll give you a lift!" Aunt Connie handed her a white helmet that was hidden underneath her legs, in a little compartment.
As they zoomed away, Aunt Tatty indicating that it was fine, I nervously waited with Dib and Alli.
Along the way, my Tatronian activated a control to call the secondary, smaller ship which docked inside of our main ship. It came, cloaked, and settled down in a clearing by the road, behind some trees.
"You alright?" Asked Connie.
"Yeah, just checking," Aunt Tatty was looking at her little "phone", a controller disguised as a phone. She activated the hologram to look like a hover-car.
They rode up, and Aunt Tatty hopped off. "Where are the wheels?" Asked Connie.
"It's a new kind of hover-vehicle. They said we could keep it if the test-drives went well." Aunt Tatty explained. She hopped into the pilot's seat, and motioned for Connie to join.
"Where can I put my scooter?" Asked Connie. "Should I leave it here?"
"Oh, I'll put it in the back," Aunt Tatty hopped out and opened a surprisingly-roomy hold in the back, large enough to fit the scooter.
"Cool!" Said Connie.
They "drove" back, with Connie exclaiming about how high-tech it was, and hoping it had a good air-conditioner. We looked up to see them come floating over the trail.
"Why didn't you drive the hover-car out here, to begin with?" Asked Connie.
"We had to get the kids to run off their energy," I was surprised that one of my prepared answers was useful. If we'd come here in a car that could hover, then why couldn't it hover over the surprisingly-un-rocky trail and grass?
I had prepared more than enough answers to questions since I took that lesson on, "Predicting Conversations", in my Politics course.
We got in, me on the left, behind the pilot's seat, Dib in the middle, and Alli on the right. Alli's aunt was in the seat beside my Tatronian, and her cat was annoyed when she tried to convince her into a cat-carrier, so she sat on Alli's lap. The ship turned around to head back to the main road, and Aunt Connie really got conversational.
"Oh! That reminds me, Dib, your father won the contract bid with the National Protectors?" Aunt Connie was suddenly reminded of her job, when Alli's cat took to mewing in the backseat. She had a cat-carrier, but she refused to use it.
"Yeah, Professor Membrane. His bombing orangutans were better for the environment. They weren't even real orangutans!" Dib replied.
"And, do you think he'd have any information about these cyber-cats?" Asked Connie.
"No, but if you want, I can talk to him about it," Dib replied.
"Well, we're only going to track 'em down and take pictures, for now," Aunt Connie seemed to have come to an agreement with my "Aunt", about teaching me how to hunt down cybernetically-enhanced creatures. I didn't want to have to do it, but an order for an impromptu lesson is an order for an impromptu lesson!
"Right!" Replied Tatty eagerly. I moaned, but caught myself and then kept quiet.
"Where do you think these cyber-cats would go...?" Connie was partially-musing to herself, and partially-asking us.
"It depends. If they were programmed for a more urban environment, it would make sense to find them in the city. If they weren't, they would've been hiding anywhere else. If we need to find them, perhaps I can rig up a tracker...?" Dib replied.
"Pshh! I already have one," Alli replied, holding out a small, circular device.
"What...is that for tracking your cat?" Asked Aunt Connie.
"Nooo! I built it to keep track of my robots," Alli replied, then shut her mouth, as if she realized she shouldn't have said something.
"I can tell you how to find them," I spoke up. I honestly had been watching Alli's cat a lot. She was one of the few, safer creatures, and in her cat-form, seemed to comfort me. Or, just find me to be a nice source of warmth.
"How?" Asked Alli, with relevant skepticism.
"Just look for food. Their prey or their programming will be more interesting. If they were decommissioned, then, maybe...their programming isn't their first priority...?" I eventually squished back into my seat, nervous that I'd even spoken up.
"Unless something triggers their programming. We should check all the meat-shops and restaurants." Dib replied.
I couldn't see my Tatronian's face, but the others seemed to think it was worth a shot.
We drove some more, until we found "Army's Meat Shop", apparently owned by a person called "Army". We walked in, and Aunt Tatty and Connie took the lead in asking the people who worked there if they'd seen any cats acting weirdly.
After our group offered to buy some ground lamb meat, the owners happily agreed. Dib took the package o' meat that looked a lot like other kinds of meat, and we walked outside. There, Alli's cat was meowing with the other cats over the scraps. She scolded her, then grabbed the lamb from Dib and fed them.
"Those cats are fine, it's that cat, up there!" The owner with a greasy apron pointed up towards the brick wall, where a cat sat, staring at us. It rose up in an arch and hissed, trying to scare everyone. It had long, reddish-orange auburn fur, and green eyes, though you couldn't see them in the shade. It looked kind-of good like that.
"Well, that just looks like a normal cat," Alli replied.
"Why do you think it's acting strange?" Asked Connie, framing it up to take a picture.
"Well, I've been around strays and cats all my life; owning a meat-shop just makes that more likely. I've seen normal. That cat ain't normal." The owner pointed out. "Not like that Pippip. I SEE YOU, UNHOLY DEAD OF THE UNDEAD!" He pointed to a point on the back wall that separated this section behind the shop from the building next door. There was nothing there.
"Huh?" I was thoroughly confused.
"There isn't anything dead, living, undead, or ghostly over there," Dib told him. He pouted, but glared at the wall. He mouthed, "I'm tellin' you~!" at Dib before backing away.
"Poor cat," Alli said, throwing the ground meat close to the wall. The cat looked shocked, but didn't want to come down until the other cats started eating at the lump of lamb.
"Lamb is so fatty, we usually don't feed ground lamb to cats," the owner pointed out. His name was actually "Pappi." His family name was Army.
The scared cat came down, aggressively chasing the other cats away from the lump of lamb, looking up at them as it assessed the dangers of the situation before munching on it.
"I don't see anything weird," I mumbled to my Tatronian.
"I have a vague sense...like, mechanics? But it's hard to explain..." She responded. She seemed to know much more about these things than I did, and I didn't want to argue with her.
Connie had sneaked away to get a picture while it was eating, hopefully without the flash. But there just wasn't enough light. "And the flash will scare it," Connie said.
"I could turn on the alley-light." Mr. Army said. The "alley" was a rectangular opening behind the meat-shop, with only two skinny openings on the side. It could get dark, with the shadow of the building behind. They all stared at him. "I'll go turn on the light."
The alley-light was across from the eating cat, who flinched when it flickered on, and Aunt Connie got the picture she needed. It was probably still woefully dark without the flash. Anything short of a fluorescent light would've been inadequate, and that old light was definitely short. "Cool! Now, where's that cat-carrier?!"
"Wait, what?!" Asked Alli. "You said we weren't gonna' trap it!"
"Eh, whatever!" Connie pulled out the carrier from wherever she'd kept it, and placed it on the ground with a chunk of meat inside.
The cat stared at it, distrustfully. It didn't approach.
My "Aunt Tatty" poked me with an elbow to do something, and I sighed, before grabbing a broom-less broom-handle, and scooting the carrier towards the distrustful animal. I was NOT getting anywhere NEAR that thing's line-of-fire!
Only then did Shy decide that it was HER carrier, and she proceeded to hop towards it, eating the ground meat bait. Then she rubbed her head on it, before walking over to Alli, begging to be held. Alli didn't get the point, so she hopped up on Alli's shoulder.
"I'm guessing you DIDN'T try to coax her into it using food very often." Dib replied.
"I didn't have any trouble with her until recently!" Alli snipped quietly, cuddling her cat.
"Hey, why don't you use a piece of grass?" I asked quietly. Alli's cat, Shy, had been very happily chasing things like grass and leaves.
"What...? Oh! I didn't bring any." Alli replied.
"I have a string!" The owner replied. He went in and grabbed a piece of string that had been used to hold meat together.
"We can thread it through the carrier, and pull it out the back to gradually shorten it-" Aunt Tatty was saying.
"Or! We could do this!" Alli yoinked the string out of Mr. Army's hands, and flopped it down in front of the scared cat. She wiggled it around, capturing its attention.
"I also have a laser-pointer," Dib stated, making everyone else shush him.
Alli's wiggling of the string made the cat less tense, and it pursued the string, finally chasing it until it was inside the carrier. Alli let it have the string, and grabbed a piece of meat to reward the cat before shutting the door. The cat was fine in the carrier. "Are we SURE this is a cybernetically-enhanced animal?" She asked, skeptically.
"I think we'll have to check," Dib said, pulling out his computer.
"We can do that on the way," Aunt Connie suddenly said, "We need to leave!"
"Why?" Asked Alli. "We've caught the cat, and you got a picture."
"Yeah, but now it's lunch time, and the only ones who've eaten are the cats!" Connie stated.
They giggled, and Dib wrapped up the rest of the ground lamb. "I'll need to call my dad to examine the cat. If you want," he added the last part. He wasn't that interested in such a garden-variety problem.
"Really? That's cool, I can't wait to meet him!" Connie said, as we went back to the ship.
We stopped at a Taco Cart on the way, while Dib called his parents.
"Hi, honey!" His mom was on speaker-phone, apparently. Dib winced at the sounds coming over his wrist-phone.
"Hi, I'm with Alli and her aunt, Connie, and she's reporting on a story about the illegal dumping of experimental cyber-cats by Pharmacorn. We have a potential cyber-cat here, so can you take a look?" Dib explained simply.
"Which news-company...?" Asked Professor Membrane, understandably worried. He'd had problems with those kinds of "news" companies...
"Uh... Sassymentos. She came to see Alli and found a story." Dib replied. As far as he knew, Sassymentos was not on their "No, Not an Actual News-source" list.
"Oh, then of course! I'll be happy to help!" Professor Membrane replied.
"Hey, tell Alli to come, too!" Professor Gazira replied.
"Uhh, she has to, we're all in the same ride..." Dib replied, confused.
"Oh, good!" His mother said simply. Her new voice was sounding rather smooth, and it was much better than the old one.
We ate our tacos -surprisingly, everyone in the ship could eat Earth food- before flying up to Dib's house.
We walked into the normal-looking house, annoying Dib's sister, who was sitting on the couch in their living room, playing a game. "Hi, Gaz!" Dib stated, walking past her and down the hallway. Everyone else mumbled a "hi", while being herded by Alli to move as swiftly as possible. We paused at the entrance to the basement, well-lit and glowing with a white light. I gulped nervously, but aside from a little trepidation, my Tatronian didn't worry, and pushed me into descending the steps. Alli's aunt Connie was chattering on at the front, and as we entered the basement, we were welcomed with a pleasant, underground warmth.
The glow from the lights and screens was warming up the naturally-cool room. (If "naturally-cool" included air-conditioning.) The professors were working on some screens showing organs and complaining about transplants. "Oh, good. You're here." Professor Membrane said.
A bunch of scans of our bodies on the screens had shown no concealed weapons deemed lethal to the family. "Well, it's good to know you're smart about security," Connie admired the cutting-edge tech.
"Of course, we needed to be," Professor Gazira, in her newly-paneled cyborg body stated.
"Where's the experimental animal?" Asked Professor Membrane.
"Here," Alli put the cat in the carrier on the table. It was surprisingly-calm throughout this whole thing.
"I'll just run a few scans and a DNA test, and check for any microchips that might have been implanted," Professor Membrane agreed, after peering at the poor cat. He pulled out a hand-held scanner, waving it through the little mesh windows. "Hhhmmm..." He then put the carrier on another table and lowered a scanner down. "Huh!" Then he poked at the cat with a wand, which annoyed the cat, but did nothing. "Perfect!"
"What did you find?" Asked Connie, anxious.
"Well, it is indeed a registered cat from Pharmacorn. Their logo is on there, see?" He pointed to the screen up above which showed his last scan. "This cat wasn't yet given powerful weapons, but did have advanced scanning capabilities, and has been well-fed and given all its vaccinations. The veterinarian pharmacies keep a record. It has cybernetics, but they're mainly in its head-area, and mostly hidden underneath its skin and fur..." Then he picked up another thing that looked like a pen. "The programming wasn't finished, and it was mainly disabled, excepting the absolutely necessary pro- wait, exactly how many did you see them releasing?!" He suddenly asked Connie, very seriously.
"Around...twenty-three!" Connie blinked at his extreme shift in emotion. "I've always been good at bean-counting."
"She's right," Alli affirmed.
"Well, THIS is IMPORTANT! If those unfinished cybernetics are triggered for normal survival, they'll become a DANGER TO EVERYONE!" Professor Membrane shouted, pointing into the air.
"Dad, how powerful were these cats even supposed to be? Were they designed to pee sulfuric acid, or to shoot lasers from their eyes or something?" Dib asked the highly-important questions.
"Nooo~ Even WORSE!" But, then the Professor didn't elaborate, and he said, "I'll talk to you later, for now...THERE'S A CITY TO SAVE...!"
The five of us, including our new cyber-cat, were ushered upstairs by Professor Gazira, who was now working on a fully-functional new arm! Not functional, yet. She used other robot arms. "Well, sorry about this, but could you take the cyber-cat upstairs? We'll take care of it until it can be de-cyberized, or, whatever." Dib knew his mom didn't actually plan on not using this experimental animal.
"I think that Jik and Aunt Tatty wanted to take it," He pointed out.
"Huh?!" I asked. "Oh, no! They'll just want to keep experimenting!" I waved him off.
"I don't need another body to take care of!" Aunt Tatty replied.
"And I already have a cat. You take it, Dib!" Alli replied, pointing him out.
Shocked, Dib just pouted. "Oh, I guess...houh!" He was probably wondering how things and people kept getting handed to him to take care of.
"Oooh, a new pet! What're you gonna' name it?!" Asked Connie, happily.
"Dementia," Dib replied morosely. It seemed apt to take to it.
"Aaahhh...Dementia! Reminds me of my great-aunt, Charity!" Alli's aunt Connie sighed.
"You mean the one who chewed her own arm off?" Alli asked, curiously.
"Yep! After she'd escaped from being captured by those illegal tuna-fishermen, she tore them a new one in the courts!" Connie sighed.
Alli looked at her weirdly and asked, "WHY would that remind you of Dib's naming his cat Dementia?!"
"Oh! She lived until her late fifties, when she got dementia and eventually died." Connie replied.
"I hope I don't have that to look forward to..." Alli sincerely seemed to think that it might happen to her.
"Oh, don't worry: it died out with your uncle's side of the family." Aunt Connie's comment was disturbing as she stared her niece straight in the eyes.
"Huh...! So THAT'S what happened...!" Alli didn't elaborate, and I sincerely wished I wouldn't ever know what they meant.
My Tatronian sent a message to the scientists, who were sorely missing our help. I was happy I couldn't be of any help to them at this point. I tried not to show it. "Okay, we'll have to head back to the field. Anybody want a ride?"
"I have to buy things for my new cat, apparently," Dib held up his carrier and Dementia, who seemed happily-calm. "Could we stop at a pet-shop on the way?"
"I have to head back to my hotel to finish writing my article -oh! Could I have a better picture of your cat, Dib?" Asked Connie, holding up a camera.
"Eee," Dib looked down at the cat who was happily sitting in the carrier, and wondered if she would be okay if he took her out. "I guess."
He set the carrier down on the grass, and the cat wandered out to some coaxing. Aunt Connie snapped the picture, and then laughed happily. "Oh, wait, should the carrier be in the shot?" Everyone else groaned. "Nevermind, I can post 'em both!"
"Then, let's get going!" Aunt Tatty stated, and Dib tried to coax the cat back into the carrier.
After a couple of minutes, we were on the road again. We stopped at the "Little Poops" pet-shop, and Dib bought a litter-box, cat-carrier, and three-story cat-house to appease his new cat. He also bought some good cat food and litter, respectively. "Do you think she'll need toys?" He asked Alli.
"Eeeh, those things always smell funny. The cat would rather play with a hair-tie and a piece of string, or something from your own clothes." Alli commented. "And, we can get some grass from the field! Seriously, I bought Shy about eight different toys, and she only uses three -after we lost them for over a year and found them underneath the couch! Trust me, homemade is better." Alli responded, surprisingly-knowledgeable.
"Oh...!" Dib said, then started sniffing things. There wasn't anything that he or Dementia seemed really interested in, so they left it for later.
Once we got back to the field, we could see that the scientists were having a much harder time. Two hours of constant hyper-activity was starting to tire them. They just weren't used to such high levels of anxiety. I didn't see what they were so anxious about. As long as they could see them and the mumblins weren't hopping into dangerous territory, they could usually just chill out while they hopped! I pulled out a ball I had bought back at the pet-store and threw it to them. The kids instantly stopped messing with Annoi-quong and chased after it.
"What?" I asked, as everybody stared at me. "It's just easy to keep them occupied if you think about it!"
Aunt Tatty said, "OH! Right," and left it at that.
The kids threw the little ball around, and the scientists practically melted with exhaustion. "I just was NOT cut out for this!" I politely didn't inform them that there were two and a half hours left until the titunn wore off.
Dib and Alli sat back down on the blanket with their cats, and I had to report back to the Head Scientist.
I had a feeling like they didn't just want me for a normal physical fitness routine.
"Okay, so, you learned how to track down a cyber-cat?" Asked Interchwoo, looking nervously at the mumblins trying to hit people in the head with the ball.
"Yes, Sir!" I said.
"Good...THEN HELP US!" The Head Scientist was practically a puddle. Nervously, I tried to keep him from grabbing onto me.
"Uhhhh...what do I need to do?" I asked, knowing full well what he meant.
"THE KIIIIDS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!" Interchon moaned, exhaustedly.
"I CAN'T TAKE IIIIIITTTTTTT!" Epy cried.
"Yes, Sirs!" I said, hoping I could just get away from these creepy people. Usually I was the one crying in a puddle. Seeing the responsible adults acting like this was weird. (Yes, that was a humiliating sentence to write, don't remind me!)
After extracting myself from them, I found where the mumblins and other scientists were. The kids had taken to throwing the ball at the scientists' heads, and laughing whenever they couldn't react soon enough. I grabbed the ball and threw it far into the field. The mumblins had to go get it before they threw it back again. Three on one was not fun, (or easy,) so I asked Dib and Alli to join me. The scientists who were being pelted mercilessly ran off, terrified of getting pelted again.
"Why, we have to play catch with them?" Dib asked. He apparently didn't know much about children, despite being one himself.
"We can't keep up with these kids, it's like they're on Meth!" Alli moaned.
"We don't have to if we pace it out," I politely explained.
"How would you know?" Asked Dib. He seemed genuinely interested in why and how I knew this.
"I have to deal with this a lot; it's in my blood, now, heads-up!" I stated, hoping he could catch the ball. He didn't, but at least he dodged. "Throw it!"
Poopty took the opportunity to grab the ball and follow my command when Dib was too slow. She threw it toward Alli, who also couldn't catch. Seriously?!
I face-palmed and wondered why, these kids seemed so strong and courageous, but couldn't play a simple catch-game! "You're supposed to catch the ball!"
Alli looked put-upon and acted as if she didn't understand the topic.
I honestly felt like growling. Was my temper getting worse, the longer I was shape-shifting into a human, or was that just me? "I'll show you." I ran and intercepted Poopty's next throw, tossing it back at her and Dtah-li. Poopty looked surprised, and happy. Dtah-li caught it and threw it back to me. I decided to tell Dib to catch it, because he didn't seem to know what to do. "Dib, catch!"
This time Poopty intercepted it, and threw it at Alli, who almost caught it. She scrabbled to pick it back up, and threw it at Dtah-li again. "Hey, where's Yorink?" She asked.
"She's running down the hill on that side," I pointed.
"WHAT!?" Yelled Alli, missing another throw.
"She's fine~! She'll be okay, as long as she doesn't travel too far." I told her. Alli threw the ball back to Dtah-li again.
"How do you know how to handle kids so well?" Asked Dib. They didn't want to throw the ball back to him, so he was all alone.
"I...guess, partially because I'm tall?" I pointed out. Alli almost got pelted again, but grabbed the ball back on the rebound. After thinking a moment, she threw it to me.
"Being tall doesn't help!" Alli stated. She was sarcastic, but almost right. Normally, a little bit of height wouldn't make one necessarily better at handling children.
I threw the ball, this time at Dib. "Not for an Irken! Being an adult size when you're just a kid is a huge thing!"
"Yeah? Wait, ADULT?!" She almost shouted. Since I was a little shorter than her, she was surprised.
"Of course! I -hey, wait!" I looked around. "Yorink! Where's she hiding?" I couldn't see her out of the corner of my eye anymore.
"I-I don't know!" Alli seemed surprised that I was able to keep track of where they were.
Dib was more observant. "Over there! She's seeing how far she can run?" He seemed to be listening to someone who wasn't there. I ignored it, since it gave me an idea.
"Hey, Poopty! Dtah-li! Let's see who can catch Yorink, first!" I shouted, causing both of them to light up. They ran as fast as they could to catch up with Yorink in the direction Dib had pointed. "We'll have to get going, fast!" I told them. If we were too far away, we couldn't even yell at 'em! Alli moaned in exhaustion, and we all took off running.
The fastest was Dtah-li, followed closely by Poopty, who'd tripped. Dib was impressively-fast, and I would've believed it if he told me any reason having to do with monsters and the paranormal. That's just how fast he was. He wasn't even breathing hard when we got there. Alli was slowest, but I think she just didn't see the need to run so much.
"Gotcha!" Yelled Dtah-li as he glomped onto Yorink, loud enough to echo across the whole field.
"I'm NOT playing Pokip-sticks!" Poopty pouted. The Vortian game involving poking, sticks, and chasing was quite popular.
"Yeah, we'd better not," I agreed. "Wanna' roll down the hill?"
"Nah, there's poky-plants on it," Poopty pouted. Dtah-li looked like he hated the idea.
"Wee! Chase me, chase me!" Yorink's solution rectified everything and made Alli and Dib groan.
"Just don't go into the road, and stay away from the trails!" I shouted. Hopefully, they'd listen. "Honestly, you can rest, now." I told to Dib and Alli.
"I'm not tired," Dib stated.
Alli looked incredulously at him and his statement. "AAARGGE!" Was all she said, before sprawling down on the grass.
I turned to watch the kids, hoping they wouldn't get too far away. "If they go behind those trees, we'll have to give chase," I told Dib.
"Okay." He seemed entirely unbothered.
"Seriously, Jik, I'm not moving!" Alli groaned. She wasn't inherently interested in physical fitness, so she didn't do it much.
"It's okay, you don't have to." I replied. Maybe it was the fresh air, or the fact that I was used to this kind of thing, but I didn't feel like running away and hiding, so that made me feel...okay...? I hadn't felt that way since I'd arrived on this planet, not even when I was back in my normal form! "I can't see 'em. Dib, can you help?"
Dib looked up and realized that they were behind the trees, out of view. "Oh, okay! It's like playing an odd game of tag."
"What's that?" I asked.
"Uh...you run trying to tag someone, and then they have to try to tag someone else. It's a simple game of chase." He seemed confused at the question, but didn't mention it.
"Oh! Sounds nice...almost like the old Irken games...!" I said thoughtfully. "Well, time to run!"
We ran around behind the trees that stood inexplicably in the middle of the field, cutting into it from the main road like a slice of pizza.
"Oh, good! There they are!" Dib said, seeing all three of them were not causing/having any problems. "Now we just have to keep this up, for...another...two hours!"
"I have a frisbee!" I pointed out, "I've been saving it until the ball thing and chase weren't interesting them anymore.
Dib just looked at me, like I was the most impressive person on the planet.
After the titunn wore off, they finally collapsed, happily sleeping. Or, just too exhausted to be unhappy.
The scientists stood around the three, a few of them sipping their drinks. They had escaped to have fun and relax whilest we did all the hard work. I could honestly understand that, but they didn't even bring anything for us to eat or drink! That was just insensitive. And cruel.
"We need to get them home," I stated. The others stared pointedly at me. "What?"
"Nothing!" Pillows said, happily. I had no idea what he was giggling about, but I found out later that he made a bet with Sackes about me getting more courageous. I think he won...?
"Okay, we'll have to get them in the ship." Dreenk pulled out a hover-gun, and I just didn't care enough about worrying whether Alli's aunt Connie would notice what we were using.
Then my Tatronian and the scientists put them into the ship. It was no longer camouflaged to look like a car, so it was easier. We piled into the ship with a sigh.
"I'm exhausted! I told myself I wouldn't eat out so much, but I just HAVE to order a pizza tonight," Alli complained. "I can't even cook!"
Dib seemed to find that fascinating. "You can't even cook!?" He exclaimed, "What?! WHY!?"
"My parents just didn't care enough, why?" Alli asked.
Dib groaned. "I'll lend you some cooking-training videos..."
"Well, with my aunt in town -well, in Armadillo, anyways- she might be able to cook a little for me." Alli stated.
"Y-You, that- you'll die if you run out of money to buy pre-made meals, you NEED TO COOK." Dib didn't seem to be getting through to her.
"Well, IF YOU WANNA' COME OVER AND COOK ALL MY MEALS FOR ME, THEN DO IT!" Alli yelled.
"YOU CAN LEARN TO COOK!" Dib shouted right back.
"WILL YOU KIDS SHUT UP!?" The Head Scientist yelled. "What's your problem!?"
Dib looked at him like he was the biggest idiot he'd seen since Zim. "We're HUNGRY."
The "OH" inside the ship was the greatest sound in the history of my stay on that planet. Also, I was ornery with hunger, and I wanted them to suffer and realized what they did wrong. I shouldn't skip meals: I'm not a nice person when I do.
"We'll stop by and get pizza on the way," Pillows pointed.
"WHEEEEE!"
"HOOORAAAAYYYY!"
"YEEEEAHHHH!"
We all cheered.
"Let's go to Bloaty's!" Dib's comment creeped the scientists out for good reason: that place was nasty! But the food was good!
Relieved from the hopelessness of my hunger, I finally remembered something. "Wait, didn't Alli bring sandwiches?"
"My aunt and your 'aunt' ate 'em." Alli glared pointedly at my Tatronian.
I had no words for that, so I just left it.
"Say, where did that 'Connie' person go?" Asked Pillows. Apparently, he wasn't paying any attention to people that day.
"She left to go back to her hotel. She needed to type up her article," Alli replied. "When are we getting to Bloaty's?!"
After that day, the little mumblins slept for a very good period of time. Their days and nights were longer than Earth's, so it was a refreshing change of pace for Alli, who didn't have to keep after them.
The cyber-cats were recovered in a day, and Professor Membrane took the Pharmacorn company to task for its "illegal dumping of potentially-dangerous test-subjects". They tried to counter, that the cats' dangerous programming hadn't been finished -but that was easily refuted when six of said cats tried to destroy the courtroom because they did NOT like being stuck inside an unpleasant place with all those people. And, I think one of them annoyed the others. Whatever. The case was easily won, and Pharmacorn had to pay out some monies in the end. Alli's aunt got a lot of good reviews for her story, and everyone was happier than they had been...except for me, who had skool to attend.
Alli came running into the skool, rushing past me as I was walking to class. She sat at her desk, quickly, and didn't say anything. Which was just as well, since I wasn't in her social-group.
At lunch, I was hanging with the other boys at my table, when I overheard her saying, "I can't believe she did that!"
I hoped against hope that I wouldn't find out what "that" was.
I didn't find out until a lot later, so I wasn't around when this happened.
"No, you CAN'T kill your aunt," Dib was trying to coax Alli down. "It's waaay too hard to conceal-wait, that's not the problem!" He shook his head.
"But she's TRYING to make my life MISERABLE!" Alli shouted. She was having dinner at his house, since she was apparently bad at cooking. "I HAVE to get her out of here! She's smoking money on the BBQ grill and shouting for a sign!" She stabbed a squid tentacle from some very fresh calamari. It still wiggled. She ate it. "I can't have the neighbors complaining and calling the police!"
"The neighbors who didn't even notice when a meteor crashed?" Dib looked at her, skeptically.
"She's fine, sometimes, like yesterday! But SOME DAYS...!" She stopped to twist her fork in the noodles. "And the neighbors only objected because she was burning money!"
"You wanna' trade your aunt for my cat, Dementia?" Dib asked humorously. "Seriously, if she was doing something like that around this house, not even the government would notice! I once had six zombies trying to eat my face off, while another six were regaling me with stories and knitting! I think some of them were making twine and spinning, as well...it was an old zombie-spell. Not like the new, government zombies!"
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Alli mumbled. "I think I'll have to deal with this, myself. I don't even know who 'Puddles' was!"
"Who's 'Puddles'?" Asked Dib.
"That's what I wanna' know!" Exclaimed Alli.
"You'd better eat that, before it gets cold," Professor Gazira said pleasantly. She'd just rolled into the room, and was now trying to engage them in small chat.
"Seriously, do you know who this, 'Lord and Puddles' is!?" Alli asked Professor Gazira.
"Honey, if I did, do you think I'd've made such a clumsy cyborg body?" The Professor retorted. "Eat your squid."
"Wait, this calamari stuff is good. Can I make a robot to cook for me?" Alli asked, suddenly.
"You need life-skills. Even if you did, you don't know how long to cook it, or what can change its taste." Dib pointed out. "Didn't I already tell you?"
"Why are you so worried?! I've never even seen you make toast!" Alli countered.
"Oh, huh, I haven't been doing that, have I...?" Dib thought aloud. "I just keep feeling like it's an important thing, like a little nagging in the back of my head... Oh, well! I guess I'll be taking more cooking-lessons, then!"
"Huh?" Alli asked.
"Perfect! Then you both can impress your prospective future mates!" A tall spirit stood in the door, told them this, and then left.
Dib just stared at that...then looked at Alli...then looked at Professor Gazira... "Didn't any of you notice that?"
"A...you, sitting there, with your mouth open...?" Alli asked him, skeptically. "Or, the very rude phantasm, that apparently didn't wait for the spring or autumnal equinox to come out?..."
Professor Gazira laughed. "Wonderful! That's the best one I've heard, yet!"
"Yeah, I've had trouble getting the gnomes out of the bathroom," Dib replied casually.
"You have gnomes...?" Asked Alli.
"They only come by to use the bathroom! Otherwise, they're not here." Then he pouted. "Mom, how long are you going to keep laughing...?"
"Heh, heh! Only until the gnomes get their bathtub fixed!" She replied, still laughing.
Alli and Dib sighed. Then ate the rest of their now-cooled squid.
Author's Notes: Nothing much to say...other than, now we can see some of Jik's actual skills! I didn't specify much time-wise, but it's been a while since the Skool Play.
Also: kids plus unhealthy drugs equals bad. Honestly!
That's all! Pretty-please, Read and Review, and thanks for reading!