Chapter Eight

The kitchen smelled of flowers, coffee and pancakes. It was bathing in a soft glow from the autumn morning sun seeping in through the windows and the glass door leading out to the backyard. That backyard was embarrassingly empty, no outdoor furniture, no barbecue, no flowerbeds... nothing. I wished for a nice backyard where I could lounge in a chair and read a book or drink a cup of coffee in the summer sun. How stupid of me, for everything I could wish for all I wanted was a nice backyard.

Sleepily I looked at Daniel, standing on the white tiled floor by the stove in the narrow galley kitchen, methodically flipping pancakes in silence. Everything seemed normal again. Like the light at the end of a long dark tunnel, or like the sun after a raging storm. On the kitchen table behind me the bouquet of dahlias contributed to the impression of a happy family. We had everything under control, so much so that we even had the time and the money to spend on flowers that would die within a week. We had flowers on the table, but we didn't have a backyard.

Daniel looked up from the pan and saw me in the doorway, leaning against the frame. "Good morning." He flipped a pancake onto a plate that already had one on it and made a tiny, neat pile. "I made breakfast". I held out the plate for me to take.

I walked up to him and accepted the peace-offering. "Good morning, how sweet of you," I offered him my cheek which he proceeded to place a dry kiss on.

The table was already set with cutlery, syrup, a bowl of berries, two mugs and a pot of coffee. I poured black liquid into both mugs and sat down. Daniel joined me by the table, seating himself across from me. In his hands he held a fork and a knife upright as if ready to dig in, but he didn't. Instead I could feel how he watched me as I poured syrup over the neat little stack of pancakes on my plate. This was the first time in a long time that we ate breakfast together before he went to work.

His gaze was piercing into me, burning a whole in the top of my head, annoying me. With a questioning face and a mouth full of food I looked up at him and asked, "what?"

"Thank you for giving me a second chance." He looked at me as if I had made something heroic, as if I had saved his life.

This wasn't the second chance, neither was it the third. In fact, he had been given so many chances that it was impossible for me to even remember a number. He knew that, and so did I. But by now it was a habit. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times, shame on both of us. I was partly to blame, I couldn't help but to feel as if that was the case.

My phone, laying face down on the table next to my cup of coffee, buzzed. I looked at it, a knot growing in my stomach, and it wasn't the pancakes, restraining the urge to pick it up. From the corner of my eye I saw that Daniel looked at it too. I decided to ignore it and took a sip of coffee instead.

He took a bite of his pancakes while carefully studying my every move. "You're working tonight right?"

"Yeah, I'm closing today." I stared down into my cup of coffee and swirled it around a few times with one hand. The coffee was bad, bitter, I clicked my tongue against my teeth, evaluating it with distaste. We needed a new coffee maker.

My phone made itself noticed again. Instead of looking at it I looked at Daniel. His facial expression stiffened. After a deep breath he took a decisive bite of pancake and said, "I can pick you up when you're done". He didn't look at me this time, instead he looked down at the food he devoured.

I knew it wasn't an act of kindness, but an act of control. "Thanks, but you don't have to".

My phone buzzed again. His grip around the cutlery tightened as he pinned his gaze onto my phone as if it was causing him physical pain. I heard how his breathing turned heavier. Between clenched teeth he declared, "I'll pick you up."

With a pleading gaze I looked down at the phone in front of me, as if wishing for it to stay silent. It disobeyed. Disappointed I closed my eyes as the sound of the vibrations against the table filled the silence between us.

Daniel put down the knife and fork on the table with surprising force, causing me to almost lift from my seat. "Who are you talking to?!" Anger flashed across his face.

As if someone was threatening me under gunpoint I quickly picked up my phone, glanced at it - Jade - and turned it off. I put on an apologising smile an looked at him, "no one, it's just work."

He wasn't convinced, I could tell by the way he clenched his jaw. I didn't allow my thoughts to wander further away than the room we were sitting in. Even if my mind wanted to think about her, about Jade, I couldn't let that happen.

"Please, you don't have to pick me up tonight" I pled. After some careful thinking I slowly added, "I don't wanna be an inconvenience to you."

After a long stare at the phone in my hand Daniel stood up and began clearing the table without another word. I looked at his back and saw how he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "Okay..." a long pause, "but you're coming home straight afterwards, right?"

"Yes of course I will..." with a small voice I added "trust me". I walked up to him and placed a calm hand on his back, my other hand resting on the outdated laminated countertop.

He turned around and looked at me. This time he had a smile on his lips, but behind the smile I saw his stiff facial features and a streak of irritation behind his eyes. Navigating him was like walking through a mine field, treading carefully but without having any power over the outcome of my steps.

Closing the distance between us he placed a kiss on my forehead, talking softly but firmly against my skin "I trust you." He took a step back and looked straight at me. "I'll wait up".

Those words made my stomach turn. I knew what that was - a warning disguised as an act of caring. It was meticulously calculated, making me unable to argue against it without sounding ungrateful. So I ignored the chill that was traveling up along my spine and smiled, "thanks".

Daniel disappeared into the bathroom. I heard his electric toothbrush through the door. When he came out again I followed him to the hall. After putting on his coat he stoped in his tracks to look at me. His features softened, his eyes hinted to the scared boy he was inside. I felt a streak of regret, I felt sorry for him. My arms found their way around his waist like so many times before. He embraced me back and the hug was long and so full of longing from both of us. Neither one of us knew how we ended up like this, what had gone wrong along the way. But the sorrow over what we'd lost was mutual and I could feel it in his arms.

His chest rose and I could feel his warm breath on my head before he kissed me. "I love you Tori. I love you so much."

I didn't answer with words, but I squeezed him a little tighter.

He let go of me first. Left one hand on my shoulder, "I have to get to work now. I'll see you tonight." And with that he left the house and soon after I could hear his car leaving.

The remaining hours before I had to get to work was spent on trying to pull myself together and make myself look presentable. I had a shower, untangled my hair and spent more than 60 minutes in the bathroom, trying to cover up the bruises that now were more subtle than yesterday. Most days I cursed the café's uniforms, short sleeved, deep v-necked t-shirts. This was one of those days. So after fixing my face I turned my focus to my arm. Thankfully I owned an insane amount of foundation and powder, apparently my situation called for such a stash. When I felt ready I closed the drawer underneath the sink and heard how the brushes and piles of make-up, that I had neatly stacked beforehand, created a mess. Leaning forward with both hands against the sink I looked at myself i the mirror, sighed and straightened up. My hand pulled back a strand of hair that had escaped my ponytail and placed it behind my ear.

Time stopped as I took my coat down from the hanger, Jade's perfume was still strong on it and I found myself unable to move. A few shaky breaths later I slipped my arms in and buttoned up. I grabbed my phone on the way out and put it into my pocked, still turned off.

A/N: Someone once told me that my chapters are short. I know they are sometimes, I'm sorry. But I'm trying to ad as much as I can think of in order to make it detailed and nice to read... not sure why they still end up quite short tho. Hope that's ok!

As always, leave a review if you want to, it brightens up my day!