Work was always the best tonic for a broken heart — even if her heart wasn't supposed to be broken. So Kathryn threw herself back into the fray.
Ann appeared at her table during lunch at the Officers' Club. "Are you OK? You've seemed off lately."
"I'm not OK," she admitted. "Tom and I broke up, though I don't know how that happened, since we weren't dating."
"Well, that makes no sense," Ann said as she pulled up a chair. "Want to tell me about it?"
She frowned as Kathryn gave her the edited version. "Jackass," she muttered. "Well, either he's still hung up on the ex, or he realized that he does care about you, and it scared him. Given how he's looked at you, I'd go with the latter."
"Whatever it is, I'm thinking he needs some space," Kathryn said.
"True: I certainly needed some after my divorce," Ann replied. "Anyway, I came to invite you over on Saturday; John wants to try out his new grill. We're expecting some family and a few of his colleagues from the Academy. Should be a good group."
Kathryn's first thought was that Tom would enjoy checking out a new grill. But she quickly pushed that aside. "Sounds good; what can I bring?"
Ann shook her head. "I don't interfere with the grill master's menu. Just bring your appetite," she said as she got up. "And by the way, if you ever want to do something, give me a call. I'm always happy to let Daddy take full charge of his daughters," she said with a wry grin.
ooo
In one sense, the party was a turning point. She met Jissalli and Margo from the Sciences Department. They were delighted to hear that yes, she did play Velocity. Turned out their Faculty League team needed another player. Was she interested?
Well, hell yes. If nothing else, it motivated her to get back to the gym. And for a couple of weeks, she reserved a holodeck at the rec center for practice. It had been a while since she played on a team.
The games brought another perk of sorts: Daniel, who played on an opposing team. He was a newly-minted captain with a mischievous smile and a rather nice physique. They went sailing and rode hoverbikes. and he taught her to windsurf.
But while he was great fun, they both knew it wouldn't last. Somehow, the five-year difference with Daniel loomed larger than the eight years between her and Tom. When he got his first ship assignment, they parted on friendly terms.
ooo
She got another message from Chakotay. He was in the sector again and wanted to have lunch, "if Paris doesn't mind."
Fortunately, she didn't have to manufacture a reason to turn him down: Besides the weekly game, some of her Velocity teammates got together a couple of times a month. This weekend, they — and Ann — were going with her to Seattle. Phee was opening an exhibition at one of the art galleries there.
"I'm not sure what you're alluding to," she wrote in her otherwise polite refusal. "Why would Tom, or anyone, have a say in my lunch plans?"
ooo
Ann dropped by her office in early fall. "Your Lieutenant Commander El'biet is interested in the ablative armor project. Want to make a short-term personnel trade?"
"We aren't talking poker, are we?" Kathryn quipped. "You'd have El'biet, my house, and my birth certificate."
Ann just laughed, and they arranged a trade that worked for both departments. "Out of curiosity, did Torres not respond, or did she not make the cut?" Kathryn asked.
"Didn't invite her," Ann replied. She shrugged at Kathryn's raised eyebrow. "Not a good time: The Mars projects are running behind; Jeanne's pulling folks from ships."
"Hmm … that explains the personnel inquiries from the Halifax and the Breton," Kathryn remarked.
Back in her office, Ann silently apologized to Kathryn for the half-lie. Mars was slammed with work. But her department would be working closely with Kathryn's on this; she didn't have time for any divorce drama that Torres might bring.
ooo
Fall turned into winter, then into the holidays. Velocity took a break as the Academy prepared for the semester's end.
She realized that Tom was likely presenting his final project now, and she hoped things were going well. She doubted that she would find out: They hadn't spoken in months. She missed him, but the sadness had receded to a dull ache.
She'd heard he was dating. Or was he considering the idea? Harry had mentioned it, but she'd quickly shut him down. And the couple of times she had seen Owen and Julia — once when she was with Daniel — Julia had looked a bit crestfallen. None of them brought up the family.
She sent Christmas and birthday gifts to Miral — she was her godchild, no matter what had happened. Then she turned her attention to packing. She and Phee were taking mom to the Christmas Market in Vienna — and they were meeting in New York in two days.
ooo
"So," Harry demanded, "have you talked to the Admiral?"
"No," Tom said. He'd long stopped trying to correct Harry on titles versus names.
"You know," Harry replied softly. "She does ask about you. You should at least tell her that you finished the project."
"I doubt she wants to hear from me," Tom said. "Besides, she's dating some captain."
"Don't think so," Harry argued. "She hasn't mentioned him for a while, and when I said that you'd been dating, she changed the subject. And how's that going, by the way?"
"Don't ask," Tom grumped.
Harry was losing patience. "Well, it's your choice, but I'd send her a holiday greeting. Let her take it from there."
ooo
Tom sighed as he shut down the vid. What Harry didn't know is that he wanted to call Kathryn. He'd tried several times but lost his nerve at the last second.
He'd never gotten over her, though he'd managed to put it aside and get involved with B'Elanna. In hindsight, however, he realized that he'd blown past the red flags.
Once he realized that his marriage was beyond repair, all those old feelings started bubbling to the surface. But this wasn't Voyager, and a grad student/divorced father wasn't the kind of partner a decorated Admiral would choose. But damn if she didn't pop into his life, and stayed. And maybe with a little time ...
Then B'Elanna made that crack, and when Kathryn mentioned hearing from Chakotay, it hit him: He wanted Kathryn to be his girlfriend — and more. And that scared the hell out of him. He'd screwed up with B'Elanna, and he didn't want a repeat with Kathryn. So what did he do? He panicked and pushed Kathryn away … and once again, he screwed up.
xxx
Maybe getting out, interacting with other people would help, he decided. His latest class had a weekly study group at the library, so he began to drop by. Everyone was a decade or so younger than him, but it was a good group, and he enjoyed their company.
A few weeks into the term, one of his study group friends, Elisea, asked him out for coffee after a class. Unfortunately, he couldn't, and he watched her interest evaporate when he mentioned Miral.
Then there was Carol, another single parent who he saw at the childcare center most days. She seemed nice, so he asked her to weekend breakfast. But once they stopped talking about kids, he realized that they had little in common. Her eyes glazed over when he mentioned playing pool.
Then Dad mentioned that he and Mom ran into Kathryn — and the man she was dating. A captain.
At that point, he gave up: Best to concentrate on Miral and finish his studies. Of course, that meant finishing his final project — which he hadn't touched because it brought back too many memories.
Finally, he talked himself into finishing the research. He also changed the Spider Queen's appearance so that she looked less like Kathryn..
During the day, he managed to lose himself in the intricacies of building the game; at night, he needed a stiff drink to get past the memories. But finally, he finished — right on schedule.
Before he submitted it, he made several copies, including one for … well, just in case ...
ooo
A day or so after his talk with Harry, he was wrestling with the small Christmas tree he'd replicated. B'Elanna was on leave, so Miral would be splitting her holiday celebrations. But this was their home, and he wanted something for the two of them.
The buzzer rang, and he answered to find a large box on the doorstep. His breath caught when he saw the return address: Kathryn's.
He tore open the box to find two more boxes — one wrapped in birthday paper, the other in a holiday print. A card sat on top, addressed to Miral.
He carefully slid out the notepaper.
To my wonderful goddaughter,
Happy Birthday, and a very Happy Holiday!
All my love,
Aunt Kathryn
He blinked furiously as the tears clouded his vision and read the note again. And again.
And slowly, but surely, an idea began to form …