Me, Nate, and Dan wait around at the loft nervously until Rufus shows up.
"Jenny has been sick recently too, throwing up every morning", Dan notes and I shoot him a look.
"You didn't tell me that", Nate looks at me with pity.
"Yeah well it's been going on for about two weeks now, so I've got it under control", I insist.
"That's common right?", Nate poses.
"Yeah pretty sure", Dan nods. I scoff at them acting as though they paid attention in health class.
"As long as you're eating enough Jen", Dan says.
"Yeah seriously, you have to eat healthy and often", Nate says confidently and me and Dan look at him a little confused.
"What?", Nate asks. "It's what all the websites say".
"No, you're right", I nod and shrug. "I just didn't know you googled".
Nate shoots me a look.
Dan goes to the kitchen and comes back with an apple.
"Seriously, Jenny. If you're keeping the baby, you need nutrition", Dan says handing it to me.
I shake my head, but take a bite of the apple.
"Happy?", I ask sarcastically between bites.
"Very", Nate says and Dan nods in agreement.
"Also Jen, we should probably tell mom at some point. Maybe we can call her tonight", Dan says.
I groan. Our weekly video chats with our mother never cease to be awkward, with her new boyfriend Drew. Last we heard they were converting to Buddhism or something. Or maybe just going vegan.
Suddenly we hear the door open and the three of us stop what we're doing, jumping at the presence of my father.
My dad isn't even a scary man. But boy can he get upset and self righteous. Having him disappointed in you isn't a good feeling.
"Jenny, Dan!", Rufus says walking in with Lily, then he sees Nate. "And... Nate".
"Nathaniel what are you doing here honey?", Lily asks.
Dan, Nate and me look at each other before Nate speaks.
"Well me and Jenny have something to tell everyone", Nate says.
I want to be the one to say it, I don't want to cower in the corner.
"I'm pregnant", I say.
Rufus and Lily's faces are washed over with shock.
"Pregnant?", my Dad just about laughs. "Are you kidding?... No, my sixteen year old daughter, who's still very much a child, isn't even having sex".
I can see the denial in his expression.
"Dad...", I say.
"You two?", my dad's voice breaks gesturing to Nate.
"Yeah", I say, crying now. "I'm sorry, I know this isn't the plan, and it isn't what you thought of me but..."
"It's fully my responsibility sir", Nate says to my dad. "I know how this looks".
"You know how this looks?", Dad is angry now. "It looks an awful lot like you went behind my back to manipulate a child".
"Dad stop saying that okay? I'm sixteen, I'm as old as Dan when he started dating Serena. I'm not some little girl, this is my responsibility too", my voice raises in tone.
My dad leans on the kitchen counter in anger.
"I think we should all just calm down and think rationally", Lily says, her hands on my Dad's back.
"Think rationally Lily?", my Dad throws his hands in the air. "My sixteen year old child is pregnant".
"You're not ready to have a baby Jenny", my dad says angrily. "Look at you, you're a child".
My heartbeat intensifies within me.
"Dad, it's maybe not as bad as it seems. Jenny and Nate have a plan", Dan says.
"Have a plan?", my Dad laughs. "Yes the plan is for him to stay the hell away from my daughter. And we'll get this taken care of Jenny".
"Rufus I know how you feel, but I'm not going anywhere", Nate insists.
"And I'm keeping the baby, dad", I said. "So there's nothing to take care of".
"Jenny you can't seriously think that you can take care of a baby", my dad says.
"Dad you and Lily got pregnant at 18, and Lily went through with having the baby", I argue.
"She's right Rufus", Lily says quietly and then comes over to me. "I know how scared you must feel honey".
Lily hugs me as I tremble.
We stand for a while, everyone silently mulling it over.
"Well where are you going to live?", my Dad finally says.
"Here in the loft", I say back.
"And I have my own place. Jenny and the baby could come stay at", Nate says.
"Jenny will be doing no such thing", my Dad combats.
"Rufus... obviously Jenny and Nate care about each other, don't you?", Lily tries to lighten the situation.
"Yes very much", Nate says right away.
"And they are going to have this baby together", Lily says.
"I'm gonna be around as much as I can", Nate says.
"I just- I need some time", my Dad says now in a lighter tone and he goes into his old bedroom, which is now an office.
"Well he didn't take that very well", I say drying my tears on my sweater sleeves.
"I know sweetie, but it's just because your father loves you. He's worried about you. So am I", Lily says pouring herself a cup of tea.
Nate comes over to wrap his arms around my waist.
This is about some of the most contact we've had since everything went down in the summer and I don't want it to be out of pity for me. But I can't deny the feeling it stirs in my stomach.
We all sit for a while.
"Lily how did you decide you wanted to carry your baby to term?", I ask. "Sorry if that's too personal".
"No, no it's alright", Lily says, her perfectly manicured nails touching her temple. "Well I had scheduled an abortion appointment and then I went... and I just walked out. I couldn't do it. I guess I thought about your father, and I had already heard his heartbeat and... I couldn't do it".
"My mother was furious", Lily recalls. "And treated it like it was a big shameful secret. But I didn't care, because even though I wasn't ready to raise him... I wanted to do it, I wanted to have the baby and give him to people who would raise him".
We all listen to Lily recall the time in her life.
"And I wouldn't do anything differently. In fact, it was one of the most human things I've done, one of the best choices, because his family loved him", Lily gets a bit choked up.
"I'm sorry", I say quietly and put my hand her back and she embraces me.
"If you feel like you should have this baby Jenny, then we are all here to support you and Nate", Lily smiles at me and Nate sitting next to each other. "And your dad will be too".
"I hope so", I sigh.
My dad comes out of Dan's room and we all anxiously await for his next thoughts.
"Well, I can't say I'm happy Jenny. But a baby is a blessing no matter what. So whatever you need, I'm here. Whether it's setting up with the adoption system, or putting together the crib so he or she can sleep in your room...", my Dad sighs. "Or in Nate's apartment... Then I'll do it".
I smile.
"Thanks Dad. I know it's not going to be easy, I'm really going to need you", I say.
"Well that's what we're here for", my Dad says hesitantly.
My dad pauses before looking at Nate.
"And as upset as I am at you, I want to welcome you to the family Nate", my Dad sighs.
"Thank you Mr. Humphrey. I'm honoured", Nate says.
"See! there we go", Lily smiles. "Everything is going to be fine. Serena is going to freak... in a good way. She'll be happy for you guys".
"You think so?", I ask. I always wondered if she still harboured feelings for Nate.
"Yes, she'll be so excited to be an Aunt", Lily cooes and an idea comes to her mind.
"In fact! I am having a little after party get together at our place tomorrow night. You know, the usual crowd. It's for the New York Philanthropic Society's charity event", Lily says excitedly. "We could tell everyone there".
"Well I mean, I don't want to tell people too early, I've read about it, and I could miscarry or something", I say.
"Your choice Jenny", Lily smiles. "It'll just be Serena, Blair, Chuck, Eleanor, Cyrus, Eric, Jonathan and you guys. I just think you'd feel better with everyone supporting you".
"Thanks Lily", I smile.
Lily claps excitedly.
"Great! And we'll plan the most amazing baby shower, I'm already picking out the colour scheme in my head", Lily raves. "That is when we know the gender".
A look of fear must cross my eyes, because I feel Nate's hand on my lower back. I hadn't even fully thought that far ahead.
"Or whatever you want sweetie, this is your pregnancy", Lily insists.
"No those are good suggestions, we appreciate it Lily", I say and pause. "But right now I kind of just want to lay down and relax for a bit".
"Nauseas?", Lily asks.
"Yeah... and tired", I nod.
"Ginger tea sweetie!", Lily points her finger in the air. "I'll make some right now and then me and Rufus can let you kids talk".
I'm more thankful for Lily today than any other day. I'm happy my dad has someone like her.
"Thanks Lily".
My dad and Lily have left the loft now and although I feel revealed to get it out in the open, I still feel slightly ashamed and sad at how disappointed my dad was.
"Alright guys, I'm starting the Skype", Dan says.
Me, Dan, and Nate sit in front of the laptop, me and Nate sharing an office chair.
"She's gonna be confused at first, but I'm sure she'll accept you", I say to Nate beside me and he nods nervously.
"At least she can't kill me through a screen", Nate says sarcastically and Dan scoffs.
"Aright guys she's picking up", Dan says. "Hey mom!".
"Dan, Jenny... oh hey there, who's your friend?", my mom asks.
"This is Jenny's boyf-", then Dan stops himself and looks at us to answer.
"Um mom this is our friend Nate. We're kind of calling to tell you something", I say. "So we told dad already and I wanted to tell you too..."
"Hi Nate", my mom greets, but gets back to the point. "What's going on Jenny?".
"I'm pregnant", I say. "Uh and Nate here is the dad".
"You're what?", my mom is surprised.
"Pre-", Dan starts.
"No- No I heard her... I just can't... Jenny", my mom sighs.
"I know it seems bad but it's what happening and we're making a plan", I say.
"Gosh, I leave you with your dad for one year", my mom rolls her eyes.
This angers me now.
"C'mon mom, don't pull that. This isn't about you. And besides you chose to leave", I say, hurt.
I look at Dan who looks surprised, but kind of proud someone is sticking up to her.
"I try to give you a chance all the time, but the truth is dad is the one that stays. Dan stays, and even Nate is staying... the only one that's not here is you", I get out and a single tear falls from my eyes despite my will to keep it together.
"If that's really how you feel... maybe we should take a break from talking for a while", my mom sighs.
Take a break? I think. Yeah she's taken a good break from me for almost a whole year since I last saw her in person.
"Alright", I say blankly.
"I'm here if you want to talk, Jenny. I'm disappointed in you, but... I love you. And you too Dan", my mom says.
We say our goodbyes quickly and end the call. I'm noticeably upset.
I go off to my room.
"Jenny...", Nate starts to follow.
"Just let her be alone for a second", I hear Dan hold him back quietly.
I sink down into my bed, as stray tears fall down my face.
I hate that it's like this, I don't want to admit it. But a sixteen year old girl needs her mom. And the sad truth is that mine doesn't care to be there. Lily has done a lot more for me lately than my mom has the past few years.
I look down at my stomach.
That's not what I want to be like. Not ever.
It's a little while before I hear a knock on my door.