CHAPTER 8
Claire:
Claire stood in front of the airline counter with her hands shaking against the fake plastic stone top and her eyes almost overflowing with the tears she was desperately hoping to contain.
"Please!" she said in obvious agitation, she wondered if instead she should be begging, "There has to be something!"
The no-non-sense employee that would be more fit for a DMV position than an airline, simply replied with zero hesitation, "Ma'am, as I have already stated you have a nonrefundable ticket that doesn't depart for another twenty-four hours. It is non-transferable."
"Okay, fine! Can I just buy another ticket then? Anything to just get me out of here!"
"Of course, I can help you purchase a new ticket." The agent suddenly said in a rather chipper voice that only grated Claire's already frayed nerves and added to the pressure building behind her eyes that she was pretty positive was about to bloom into a full-blown migraine. "What's the destination?"
Claire huffed before putting her face directly into her hands and speaking through them. "Sea-Tac."
"And when are you looking to depart?"
Claire dropped her hands to look at the woman as she emphasized, "Immediately."
"Mmm-kay." She said as she typed away at the keyboard while scanning the screen in front of her.
"We have a direct-flight leaving in three hours. Do you have a seat preference or a bag you'd like to check?" she asked without looking away from the computer in front of her.
"No!" Claire said loudly to try to force the woman's attention. "That's not soon enough. I need to leave immediately."
Claire's hands went from the regular shaking they'd been doing to escalating to full blown hand vibrating quakes and she immediately dropped them to hide between her stomach and the counter in front of her at just the thought of Quil realizing she had left the hotel, was trying to leave Vegas, and then coming after her. Even if she made it past security she wouldn't be safe since she knew he'd just buy a ticket to get through and come find her….
She really needed to not see him again. Not tonight. Not tomorrow either actually. She immediately realized that currently she felt like if she never saw him again that would be just fine….. if tonight was the last time she'd ever seen him… well it'd be a hell of a parting memory but maybe it was better that way, maybe it'd keep her from questioning why he wasn't with her…
she knew there would probably be a time when she didn't feel this way, but right now… never seemed too soon to see Quil Ateara V again.
The lady finally looked away from her computer to stare at Claire like she was trying to evaluate her level of crazy. Claire didn't say anything, they just stared at each other as Claire did nothing to hide her current level of insanity in the hopes that it would actually make this woman more likely to put her on a plane leaving sooner, if only to get Claire away from her.
"There's a flight leaving in twenty-five minutes-" she started.
"Perfect! I'll take it!" Claire almost shouted in a rush to speak over her.
"-It's to Los Angeles…. You'd have a three-hour layover. You'd actually get to Seattle faster taking the flight leaving in three hours…"
Claire was already pushing her mom's credit card at the woman before she'd even stopped to fully comprehend the sentence. "It's fine!" she rushed urgently as she pushed the card at her. "I have like twenty minutes to get through security! Just swipe the stupid card!"
The woman grabbed it and hurried to comply before printing off the boarding pass and handing the papers and the card all back to Claire in an incredibly hurried fashion. Claire ripped it from her extremely long, claw-like nails and was taking off for security without even a parting glance.
She didn't care about the layover. She didn't care if the original flight everyone else in the wedding party would be taking in the morning would get there before she did. This was her escape, and she was taking it. Quil couldn't reach her in Los Angeles. He'd have no way of knowing she was even there. She was suddenly contemplating the idea of just staying for a few days and not getting on the plane to Seattle. She could camp on the beach, she had her weekend bag and as long as her mom didn't check her credit card statement (which she wouldn't since Claire had taken over managing the finances and paying all the basic bills since her dad had died), then she could survive for an indefinite amount of time.
By the time she reached the security check in line with thirty people in it, Claire was bouncing in place. She immediately stripped her borrowed booties off and held them by their four-inch heels as she tried to remember what she'd need to remove from her bag to make it through screening.
It only took five minutes of bouncing and leaning in a little too close to the middle-aged couple in front of her before she was at the front of the line looking for an available TSA agent standing at a podium to scan her ticket.
When two became available at the same time and she quickly looked between the haggard middle-aged woman who yelled 'Next!' in a long-island accent without looking up and the guy who looked thirty that looked over and then looked her all the way up from her bare feet to her high shorts and sparkly top with the hair and makeup Leah had done some of her best work on, Claire wiped her streaky face and picked the later. She wasn't proud of it. But she was desperate, and this was her best chance of making it through security before her flight left.
It took all her poor acting skills and years of cheer camp training to paste a smile on her face in the moment when she was still doing her best to not hear Quil's harsh voice ringing through her ears, ('you think that is what will make me WANT you?') but she did it. And by the time she arrived at the TSA Agent's stand she was practically beaming.
"Hi!" she said cheerfully, as she handed him the ticket and her ID.
"How's it going?" he asked easily as he scanned her ticket and then looked back and forth from her ID photo to her standing in front of him before he smiled at her.
"Going alright." She answered easily, "How's your night going?"
He had already stamped her ticket, but he was still holding it as he talked to her and suddenly Claire worried that his desire to talk to her would actually hinder her progress.
"Not as good as yours apparently." He answered as he nodded to her shoes in her hand and Claire forced a laugh out in response.
"Yeah, except my flight leaves in like ten minutes and I might miss it…. Any tips?" she asked while forcing herself to say it all like one big flirting joke instead of screaming nonsensically like she'd prefer to do.
He looked at her as he handed her her ticket and ID back. He seemed to decide something as he looked her up and down one more time.
"Alright, I can help you out." He said quickly like he'd just decided to invite her to a party, "Far left. Go through the stroller and disabled line." As he spoke, he looked over at the agent manning the line all the way on the far-left side and nodded at him before tilting his head over in Claire's direction.
"Really!?" Claire asked in shock as she started hustling forward with her bag in tow. "Thank you!" she hissed quietly like they were both a part of a conspiracy before she rushed past everyone waiting in line to be scanned at the several different machines and went through a small side gate, cutting off a family with screaming twins in a double stroller so she could shove her bag on the conveyor belt and dump her wallet, ticket and shoes in a tub before shoving it all forward and walking into the scanning machine.
They we're paging Claire's name by the time she made it, running barefoot still, to the gate and she immediately held her boarding pass to the attendant without a word before jogging down the gate and hurrying onto the only half full flight. The plane started taxiing to the runway before she'd even found a seat in an empty row at the back of the plane. The flight attendant was doing a safety schpeel and they were broadcasting that all electronics needed to be switched to airplane mode when Claire dropped her shoes in the seat beside her and finally pulled out her phone. She was tempted to just switch it to plane mode, knowing it'd be a relief since no one would be able to contact her, but she knew she needed to send at least one message. She was relieved to open her phone and see no new messages or missed calls, no one had realized she'd left yet.
Opting to take what felt like the coward's way out since it'd take her so much longer to find it, Claire decided to email Leah instead of texting. It'd be better if no one knew she was gone until they found their room empty and her bag gone anyways.
To: wolfgirl69(a)yahoo. com
From: nauticalnino(a)gmail. com
Subject: my sudden disappearance.
Leah, I left….. obviously. I just…. can't. you know that. You know why. I'm fine…
Okay I'm not fine. But I'm on my way home. Don't worry, I'll have Bennett pick me up in Seattle.
Don't tell him. Please, Leah. Just please, don't tell him. He can figure it out in the morning.
-C
The captain made an announcement asking the flight attendants to prepare for take-off as Claire hit send and the little whoosh sound let her know the message sent. She switched it to airplane mode and then stuffed it directly in the pocket in front of her as she finally buckled her seatbelt just as the plane started moving forward.
She lifted the shade on the window next to her so she could look out at the lights that were first flashing right next to her and then at a side angle. The lights were beneath them and twinkling before Claire finally realized the reason they were blurry and unfocused was because of the tears that suddenly spilled streaming down her face.
She knew she couldn't have a full melt down, but the plane's engine was loud enough to drown out the sound of her choked sobs as she curled into herself and let her head fall directly against the widow beside her as she watched the lights of Vegas dwindle away and then cried all the way to Los Angeles.
.
By the time Claire landed in Los Angeles, she felt worse than ever. She concentrated on wiping the makeup off her tear streaked face as she made her way off the plane and then looked around for a convenience store where she could find aspirin and water since her head was pounding.
She had some time to kill since her flight to Seattle didn't leave for another three and a half hours. It'd probably be light outside before she even took off. She had to walk the whole terminal before she found the one shop still open in the middle of the night. She walked around grabbing random snacks like gum, chocolate covered raisins, trail mix, and potato chips, all at what looked like an eighty percent markup before she grabbed a water bottle out of the cooler and then a small packet of Aspirin hanging by the register. As she dumped her loot on the counter, she spotted the stand of books next to it. There was a paper back on the top row of all romance novels. Claire had no idea what it was about, but the cover was a picture of a wolf howling at the moon super imposed over the chest of a shirtless man with his head cut out of the shot.
The irony seemed like too much for her and she laughed once, making the clerk look at her warily as she picked the book up and dropped it on the counter next to everything else she was buying.
She was the first one to make it to her departure gate. The flight attendants weren't even there yet as Claire settled into a seat and plugged her phone into her charger. She still hadn't looked at it and she put it off as she tossed it into the seat next to her and then opened the potato chip bag. She had a mouth full of deliciously satisfying salt and starch when she ripped open the chocolate covered raisins and dumped a significant portion directly into her mouthful of half-chewed chips.
She just sat there eating an almost ridiculous combination of foods for a good ten minutes before she grabbed the book out of the grocery bag and flipped it over to read the synopsis on the back about the alpha werewolf willing to risk life and limb to be with his one true princess….. who might have been a mermaid….. Claire definitely lost track of what the plot was supposed to be after the twist in her stomach made it impossible to keep eating and she set the book and snacks aside to finally reach for her phone before changing her mind and reaching into her bag for her laptop.
She left her phone abandoned on airplane mode as she connected her computer to the Wi-Fi and then pulled up her email. There was a bunch of spam and one new one from Leah sent an hour after Claire had sent her the original.
To: nauticalnino(a)gmail. com
From: wolfgirl69(a)yahoo. com
Subject: reply: my sudden disappearance.
Alright fine. I won't say anything. This is stupid, but I won't say anything. Make sure Bennett knows to pick you up, don't just wait until you get there and then call him to come two and half hours and pick you up.
Claire smiled and shook her head at the message before she closed her email and went to the video chat icon. It only rang twice before Bennett's face suddenly popped up on her screen.
"Meredith!" he whisper-shouted, "How's sin city!?"
She wondered for a second why he was whispering when he seemed to pull his arm back so that more of the scene came into view and she realized that he was lying on his bed and that the red blob below his arm was actually Jamie curled up into Bennett's side and obviously sleeping in his bed with him instead of in his Spiderman sleeping bag clearly lying discarded on the floor.
Claire smiled at the sight for a second before whispering back, "Not so great… I'm actually in Los Angeles now…. Will you come pick me up from the airport in…." Claire looked down at the screen to the clock on the top, "…like five hours?"
Bennett's face immediately morphed into a mask of obvious concern as he brought his phone a little closer as he whispered a little clearer,
"What happened, Claire?"
Claire had to look away from him on her screen while her eyes filled up again and she was suddenly reaching for her chips and chocolate,
"-Quil….. he just….. I mean, I can't believe he would say….." she was definitely crying now and stuffing her face in a completely embarrassing fashion as if the empty calories alone could comfort her before she finally sniffled and muttered around a mouth full, "I can't really talk about it right now, but I just had to get out of there….. the flight to Los Angeles left the soonest."
Bennett just kept staring at her seriously for a moment before he nodded and muttered, "Alright, I'll be there to pick you up. Do you have everything you need? Do you need me to drive down to LA?"
Claire smiled at the offer even as tears started leaking out of her eyes again that she wiped away. "No, I'll be fine. I can fly."
"You sure? We could make it a sweet road trip back up the PCH." He offered and she knew he was serious.
She was immediately tempted by the offer especially since until they got back no one would have any idea where they were but then the thought of Jamie sleeping alone in Bennett's bed when he left to come get her had her shaking her head and forcing a smile as she said,
"No, I'll be fine. See, I have everything I need!" she held up the paperback for him to see as she pushed it toward the screen.
Bennett laughed softly like he was trying to not wake Jamie up before he almost snorted and muttered, "Nice! Yeah, you definitely have everything you need."
Claire laughed as she nodded and pulled the book away again. It was quiet for a second before Bennett spoke again,
"Are you really okay, Claire?"
She couldn't look at him as she tried to nod but found that she couldn't. Her eyes filled with tears again as she looked down at the keyboard and finally whispered, "…..No." she had to take a breath and look up at the ceiling while rapidly blinking as she continued, "….no, I'm not okay."
"Does he know you left?" Bennett asked in his normal but quiet voice and Claire was grateful he wasn't freaking out.
She shook her head in response and it was quiet again.
"…. Are you at least okay physically?" he asked, and his voice barely noted the upset tone underneath it.
"Yes. I'm fine… physically at least." She replied as she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes with shaking hands and didn't quite look at him on the screen.
"You'll tell me about what happened when you get here?"
Claire's stomach tightened at the thought of trying to relive what had happened over the last forty-eight hours in Vegas but somehow the thought of not admitting the truth was just worse. Especially to Bennett. If anyone would understand how she felt it'd probably be him… Macy could be just as cruel as Quil had ever been.
"Yeah-." Her voice cracked as she said it and she cleared her throat before she tried again, "I'll explain what happened when I get there."
Bennett just nodded and they both froze when Jamie started muttering in his sleep before he abruptly flipped over and then forced his back roughly against Bennett like he was almost demanding to be spooned. Bennett smiled at Claire in response and finally Claire felt a sense of relief in going home. At least there were still people who loved her, who were silly and weird but at least wanted her. Maybe she had something to go back to instead of just someone to run away from.
"Alright, get some sleep. I'll see you in a few hours." She whispered so that they wouldn't bother Jamie again.
"Travel safe, Claire."
Claire nodded and then she blew both him and the sleeping Jamie a kiss and Bennett winked at her in response before she hung up. Someone walked past just at that moment on their way to the restrooms and even though they were at least ten feet away she suddenly realized what her relationship with Bennett would look like to a stranger….
They clearly looked like they were in love, that sort of unconditional support and closeness only ever seemed associated with romantic attachments.
She closed her laptop as she thought about it. About what if that random stranger had just sat down next to her and asked her who it was she'd been talking to, what would she say? How would she explain it? My bff ex-boyfriend who I no longer have any chemistry with, just babysitting my baby brother who I'm basically raising as a single parent? And then say, by some small miracle the stranger actually bought that story and then continued on to ask her where she was coming from and where she was headed? What would she say? Just an impromptu fleeing home adventure from a bachelorette party gone horribly awry? Just running away from my basically toxic… what? What was Quil to her? What was Quil to her in terms explainable to a stranger? An ex? A sudo-uncle taking it too far? A used to be best friend? A friend of her father's that now felt a survivor's guilt sense of responsibility over her? Definitely not a fiancé…. That title had clearly been stripped off the table….. So what? What was he?
She'd always known who she was to him. She was his imprint. She was his future. His soulmate. His wife. The mother of his children. Even if only in the distant unsure future. …Right?
That had always been so sure. Just an undeniable reality. The sky was blue. Dad kissed her goodnight before bed. Mom healed sick babies. Rachel dyed strips of her hair blue. Claire was Quil's future.
That had always been her truth. Always.
But what was her truth now?
Dad wasn't there anymore. He'd never kiss her goodnight again.
She had no idea how effective her mom could possibly be as a pediatrician since Claire had no idea how often she was popping pills but how effective can you be if you're basically a junkie?
Rachel….. well Rachel would probably always dye strips of her hair blue…. Claire smiled and took comfort in the thought of that consistency.
But what about Claire? Who in the hell was she? Could she really be Quil's future like that when he had ripped that certainty away from her? He didn't want her to be his wife. Didn't think she was even capable of it. And for the first time ever she was finally questioning who Quil was to her?
He wasn't her best friend anymore. He wasn't her boyfriend. He wasn't her fiancé. He definitely wasn't her uncle. So, then what the hell was he and why was he in her life when all he did was cause her so much pain?
Claire unraveled over it for hours. Sitting in the empty terminal with headphones stuffed in her ears and no realization that they weren't playing any music. She sat and tried to find meaning and answers and asked questions she'd never even thought of before.
What if she didn't want to be Quil's imprint? What if she just said no? No to the whole job, the whole role she'd been forced to play her entire life. No to being Quil's emotional support pet. Just no. Just screw you. Just maybe my needs matter to me more than your obscure unexplainable mystical need for me. Maybe just find a way to not need me.
She had so many thoughts and asked so many questions that by the time she looked up and realized that there were at least a dozen other people suddenly around her waiting for the flight to Seattle, she was no closer to finding clarity, she was only more confused.
When she realized she still had at least three hours before she'd be home again and that she couldn't stand the thought of bringing up more questions she didn't have answers to, especially with the headache throbbing in her temples, she finally picked up the paperback romance and turned the music on so her headphones were finally doing something.
She stayed that way all through the next three and a half hours, even while waiting in line to board. Even during take-off. Through the entire flight. She finally snapped the book shut without bothering to bookmark her spot three quarters through and pulled out her earbuds when the plane was diving through the fog and then breached out of it into what seemed like an explosion of trees.
The book had been garden variety and though it started out with a decent amount of tension it turned predictable by chapter four, as if the most intriguing part was the sex itself. She still didn't understand where the mermaid premise fit into the story though. She almost smiled out the window when she suddenly thought about how a year ago reading this same book would have probably made her blush and hold the book tight to her chest in the fear that someone would notice what she was reading…. Now… now she wasn't a virgin… now she knew what sex was really about, and somehow the mermaid and werewolf magic combo just didn't do it for her…. It just suddenly seemed like a cheap imitation.
She felt oddly detached thinking about it. She'd basically come to associate the night she and Quil had been together as the reason he didn't want to be in a relationship with her. She hadn't let herself really look at it since. To think about that moment between the two of them and what it had meant.
It had been so vibrant, so powerful of a memory that immediately had turned painful. She suddenly wondered if she was just one of those girls who could never separate sex from emotion. She wondered if anyone really could or if some people where just better at deadening their emotions.
She wondered if she regretted that night. It was one of the reasons she'd never let herself think about it, for fear that she'd suddenly regret giving her virginity to Quil because he'd made it the reason he'd broken up with her… as if she'd hadn't then he'd still be there, laughing and drinking with her as they danced together in a club in Vegas….. now she wondered if she regretted it because Quil did breakup with her…. Not that it would have changed the outcome but because the outcome was rejection in an incredibly insulting form.
It was honestly hard to decide it she regretted it or not. The payoff had been literally the most vibrant experience of her life. She'd experienced something most people probably only dreamed about. It had been about more than just sex with them. It'd been so much more. And yet the price for that had been giving a gift that had eventually been treated like a curse. A gift given in love and then promptly tried to be returned as if it could ever work that way. What was given was given and she could never reclaim her virginity back again even if she had wanted to… but still the question was there in her mind: did she regret it?
She still hadn't decided when she suddenly realized that everyone was moving forward to get off the plane. She jumped forward as she grabbed the book in her lap and her phone with the earbuds wrapped around it and moved to grab her bag from the overhead bin.
It was just another question she didn't have an answer to but had finally had the courage to ask. She wasn't sure she really wanted to find the answer to that question. What if the answer was yes? What if it was no? She couldn't even decide which would be worse. To regret her love for him… or… to regret his love for her…
She wondered briefly if she should finally turn her phone back on. She knew there would definitely be some messages.
She quickly realized she didn't care. She didn't have the strength to pour into dealing with it and she suddenly realized she needed to start pouring strength back into herself instead of constantly trying to placate everyone around her. She was desperately tempted to drop her phone in the garbage can she was walking past but logic won out and she knew she'd need it later.
She refused to think about it as she got onto the escalator leading down to baggage claim and caught sight of Bennett waiting for her in the same spot Quil and Butch had once stood. Bennett looked so much like Quil except it was so obviously him. He was even wearing the same crazy hipster hemp hoodie he'd always worn last year before he'd phased. It was a lot tighter now.
Claire smiled at the thought as she finally hit the floor and then ran to where he was standing patiently waiting for her to get out of the way of traffic behind her. He smiled and took long steps to close the last couple feet before he grabbed her into a giant hug where she couldn't even breathe but was suddenly hyperventilating against his shoulder. It wasn't until she felt the tears against his sweater that she realized she was crying.
"Claire! You're here!" he said excitedly as though she'd been gone much longer than she had been. Claire couldn't breathe with the way he was hugging her but when he dropped his arms, she realized she couldn't breathe at all.
"Slap me!" she huffed out between breaths as she pushed against him to pull back far enough to see his face.
"What!?" he asked in obvious shock as he looked down at her and then frowned while he used both hands to suddenly wipe the tears from her cheeks in one spastic movement. It was how she'd imagined he'd apply the black sun stripes on his face during football season.
"I think-" she huffed and then took another gasp of desperate air in, "-I'm having a panic attack!"
"Oh!" Bennett said in surprise, "Why?"
"Bennett!" Claire whined as her gasping kept increasing and people were starting to turn to look at her from the nearest luggage carousel.
"Right!" he said suddenly all business as he dropped his hold on her shoulders and then held his hand up next to her face.
He hesitated like he was worried he'd hurt her before he slapped her so weakly her cheek didn't even move. She didn't even think the skin of her face had indented at all.
"Ek!" was the incomprehensible noise she made in response before she doubled over to support herself since she suddenly couldn't breathe at all. She could hear the hurried rasping of her breaths, but it felt like she wasn't intaking any air at all, like she was in a vacuum being completely deprived of oxygen regardless of how hard her lungs worked.
"Shit. That didn't work!" Bennett muttered in a clear panic, "Okay, it's okay! Do you have a paper bag?"
Claire didn't even bother to try to respond as she squeezed her eyes shut tight and tried to remember how she'd stopped her panic attack the last time. All she could remember now were the flashes of Quil. His hot hand on her head even though the contact wasn't welcome. His voice telling her to just breathe. The sound of his laughter when he'd given her an apple and said that the donuts were for him.
The noise was getting worse and Claire realized it was her breathing speeding up.
"Claire! Look at me!" Bennett suddenly demanded and she barely managed to crank her neck up enough from the angle she was bent over at to look at him next to her before his hand came crashing down on her face and she almost blew away with the impact.
If he'd failed on his last attempt to slap her, he'd definitely made up for it this time around.
"UUUHHHH!" she shrieked with her eyes still closed from the blinding pain in her face.
He needed to give Macy some tips because her form was seriously weak compared to his.
"Oh SHIT!" Bennett said as he suddenly grabbed her and pulled her against him to support her upright. "I'm so sorry, Claire! That's what I was afraid of! You know I've only been a wolf less than a year! I'm still adjusting!"
Claire just nodded against his chest while the tears kept coming down her face, accompanied by the snot as well, though this time they stemmed from the pain.
"Come on, everyone's looking at us and I think they're about to call the cops!" Bennett suddenly rushed and Claire finally snapped her eyes open to realize they were indeed causing a scene and one woman was purposefully walking toward a curtesy phone while looking back over her shoulder at them.
"Let's go!" Claire said quickly and he nodded.
She took off running for short term parking as she left Bennett to grab her bag. She barely gave the automatic doors enough time to open before she almost crashed into them. Bennett was running too when he caught up with her with her bag under his arm. They ran the whole way to the car and when Bennett dropped his keys in his hurried attempt to make their getaway even though clearly no one was chasing them Claire suddenly felt a hysterical laugh bubble up in her throat.
When he finally got the car to unlock and then opened the back hatch to stick Claire's bag in the back, she was laughing almost manically. Bennett looked at her a little funny before he looked behind them at the empty parking lot and then started laughing too.
When Claire finally took the opportunity to slide into the passenger seat with a sigh and then a deep inhale to try to catch her breath. She suddenly realized that she could and that either the shock or the force of his slap really had snapped her out of her panic attack…. Or maybe it was just the insane laughter.
Bennett slid into the driver's seat and when Claire turned to look at him, he noticeably flinched and grimaced so that his lips looked like they might be injected with enough collagen to send the child of that plastic surgeon to college. Claire smiled in response since the irrational laughter seemed to have finally died out of her.
"Yikes! Let's get you some ice for that, alright?" he said with a mix that seemed to be equal parts ease and disturbance.
Claire just shook her head as she buckled her seatbelt, and he started the car. "What I really need is a drink." She muttered without looking away from the cement pillar next to her as he pulled out.
"Yeah." He agreed darkly, "Me too, actually."
Claire looked at the clock on the dash before looking at him and asking, "So, let's call it 6:30 pm and we're good to go?"
"Definitely." He agreed as he pulled out of the garage after paying the parking fee.
"Where can we go to buy a drink right now? The grocery store?" she asked as she wondered if she should be putting the kabosh on this plan instead of trying to iron out the details.
"There's a place in La Push. Do you think you could wait two more hours until we get there?" Bennett asked easily as he looked back at her face and then ran an obviously concerned hand down her cheek. It reminded her of how Jamie would do it and it made her smile.
"It's fine." She said unconcerned even though her cheek definitely still stung. "Yeah, I can wait until La Push. Any excuse to not go back home or turn my phone back on sounds freaking-fantastic."
"Freaking? Really, Claire?" Bennett said skeptically before obviously laughing at her word choice.
"Shut up." She mumbled as she shoved at his arm.
She'd expected him to grill her for details on the two-hour drive, but he never did. They just scrolled through the music on Bennett's phone before he stuck the physical cd of Beyoncé's Lemonade album into the sound system and then insisted that they needed to listen to the entire thing.
"It's an experience, Claire! You can't stop right in the middle of it!" he'd insisted when after eight tracks she'd suggested they maybe move onto something else.
When they finally pulled onto the La Push turn off Claire took in a breath and looked around at the water peaking out between the trees whenever the car slowed down enough to actually see it.
Bennett suddenly stopped the car and Claire looked forward to realize they were in front of the general store that she was at least sixty-five percent sure Embry's mom still owned.
"Be back!" Bennett said cheerfully as he popped the door opened.
"Do you need me to come with you and use my fake ID?" she asked but suddenly realized that would never work if Embry's mom was actually in there.
He just gave Claire a skeptical look and muttered confidently, "I got it, Claire." And then shut the car door before she could even respond.
She did suddenly realize that he now looked like he was in his mid-twenties and probably wouldn't even get carded. Last week they'd been at a store trying to pick out an ice cream flavor for Jamie and Bennett had teased her about her favorite ice cream flavor being cookies and cream and how basic that was, Claire had shoved him and made a comment about how he was lucky she still tolerated him and then the old lady down the aisle from them had asked them how long they'd been married. Married. Claire had expected her to end her sentence with, 'How long have you two been TOGETHER?." Apparently their interactions now resembled that of a couple who'd been married at least long enough to surpass the honeymoon phase…..
Suddenly, she wondered how old she looked. When Bennett had immediately answered with an easy, "We just celebrated ten years, ma'am…. Took the little missus on a cruise down to Bermuda. We left the kids at home and made it a second honeymoon." The old woman definitely seemed convinced… not that some random oldder woman was a good judge, but no one had questioned her age in Vegas (well other than Quil obviously) and a couple of her lawyers had been shocked to find out she was still in high school. She'd accredited that all to the makeup she'd been wearing but realized she had to look old enough to be considered at least an adult.
Bennett suddenly came back to the car with two packages in his hands and opened the back door to throw them on the backseat.
"What'd you get?" Claire asked eagerly as she turned back to see him standing in the doorway to the back seat.
"Something for me…." he said cheerfully as he held up a twelve-count box of beer, "…. And something for you!" he held up a pack of six glass bottles and Claire had to lean forward to read the label.
"Spiked Lemonade?"
"Yeah, that seemed more your speed and to be honest I don't have access to a blender currently so…." He said as he pretended to be regretful and gestured toward the accommodations of the car around them.
Claire laughed and said, "Sounds awesome. I mean it's not the champagne I was drinking twelve hours ago but hey…. I guess I can settle with you."
Bennett scoffed before he got back in the car and started it again. This time hitting the button to turn the stereo off. The car was quiet and neither of them said anything to break the heavy silence as they drove down the road of the tiny but familiar town. They weren't acknowledging it, but it was clear that the alcohol was just prep, just a padding to help ease the fall of whatever they were about to get into, and they both obviously knew they were about it get into some deep stuff.
Claire didn't say anything and refused to look over when the highway took them past the backyard of Quil's mom's house. You could even see the two-story garage between the trees and over the fence if you glanced at the right time.
When they pulled up in front of First Beach Claire stopped for a moment to take in the scene of the ocean in front of her, waiting for that feeling of home and familiarity to hit her the way it always did.
This time it didn't. It was like she was a stranger seeing it for the very first time. It was obviously beautiful but there was no personal connection.
"I need that drink." She muttered as she didn't bother grabbing the heels still sitting abandoned on the floor but reaching for the Lemonade pack behind her and then popping open the door.
"Right behind you!" Bennett called as he grabbed the beer and followed her out.
Claire had just made it to a set of giant rocks that led down to the sand from the parking lot. She'd navigated the path down hundreds of times in her life but suddenly struggled to find her footing barefoot, down towards the water.
"Here." Bennett suddenly murmured from right behind her as he set down the beer and then put his hands on her waist and more lifted her than guided her down the rocks.
She kept the pack of Lemonade in her hands and when she was solid on her feet was reaching for one as Bennett jumped down in one easy stride to land beside her in the sand. He immediately grabbed her bottle and hit the top against the rocks next to them so that it went flying off smoothly. She made an impressed face as he handed it over to her and he did a little bow in response just as the wind picked up, bringing the chill from the ocean with it.
Claire shivered and tried to rub her arm since she was still in the sparkly camisole and shorts and Bennett dropped the pack of beer again to shrug out of his sweater and passed it over to her easily even though he was now shirtless and an early morning surfer in a full wetsuit had to turn back to keep staring at his chest as he kept walking past.
Claire thanked him as she took his hoodie and put it on so that it now drowned her and came down past her shorts like it was the only thing she was wearing. She took her first drink of the lemonade as she waited for Bennett to crack open the case of beer and open his can. Both of their drinks were warm, but the lemonade was the strangest mix of sweet and toxic from the combination of sugar and then the after taste of the alcohol. She didn't stop drinking until she'd emptied at least half of the bottle, afraid that the taste would hit her harder if she stopped and wanting to be just drunk enough that telling the story of Las Vegas didn't feel like such a bad idea.
The surfer was still looking when Bennett stuck an extra beer in his pocket and then left the case in the sand as he grabbed Claire's hand and then started leading her down the beach, obviously wanting to walk as they talked.
Claire giggled as she used her drink in her free hand to gesture toward the surfer suddenly heading back out to the water and said, "He liked you! He was totally checking you out before you grabbed my hand!"
"Where!?" Bennett asked desperately as he suddenly dropped Claire's hand and shoved her so that she was at least four feet away from him.
Claire laughed at him and Bennett smiled as he came back to her and grabbed her hand again so that it was incased in his warm embrace. It was the closet feeling to home she'd figured she'd had since her dad had died. She wondered if it was because of the uncertainty his death had left in its wake or if it was the acceptance Bennett seemed to offer her. Either way she knew she was struggling, and that Bennett was the only one who seemed to be helping.
"Do you think we have a weird relationship?" she suddenly asked as she held up their hands and looked down at them between them and then the drinks in their hands.
"Oh definitely." He replied immediately and she'd just been about to take a drink and spewed out some of it when she started laughing at the so confident way he'd said it with zero hesitation.
"Less than a year ago we were madly in love with each other, planning to get married and have babies, and now we're best friends basically raising a five-year-old together while helping Rachel have a baby. Yeah, we for sure have an insanely weird relationship!" he explained as he took a drink of his beer seemingly completely unencumbered by it.
Claire nodded her head in agreement, "Though…. I was never planning on marrying you… we never talked about that." She argued and then suddenly wondered how quickly the alcohol was affecting her.
"Well that was brutally honest!" Bennett replied and she immediately looked over at him before she realized he was teasing her and that he wasn't actually hurt.
He squeezed her hand supportively as he said, "You always knew your future."
"I used to!" Claire huffed as she took another drink and refused to stop until she'd drained the bottle.
Bennett didn't say anything, he just kept strolling forward as he waited for her to expound upon what she'd just said. She gave herself a minute to but realized she didn't want to yet.
"What about you, Cris? Do you feel like you have your future figured out now?" she deflected knowing they desperately needed to talk about where he stood with Macy.
"Oh, definitely still married to you and having babies." He answered immediately with his usual goofy smile and she knew he was deflecting just as much as she was, he was just much better at it than her.
She didn't laugh or respond as she looked out at the ocean and he looked down at the sand in front of them. She waited him out until he finally said,
"What kind of future do I really have, Claire?"
She was silent as she squeezed his hand and didn't let herself look at him.
"I'm a wolf now. It's not like I can just leave and go to college…. I'm tied here, ya know? …. Besides, I can't even deny that I have no future without Macy… she's just everything to me… I hate it. I really hate it. But it's true. It's like every time I close my eyes she's right there, just waiting for me."
Claire's stomach turned and she wondered if it was from the alcohol or the way he was unknowingly describing the emotional dependence wolves had on their imprints…. And even sometimes… the dependence of imprints on their wolf.
"Is she getting any better?" she asked cautiously. Macy was always a sticky subject to talk about between the two of them. It was hard for Bennett to admit to Claire that she was the main thing they usually fought about, or he was defensive of Macy when Claire was pissed at her, or Claire was pushing giving Macy another a chance on him when he didn't want to hear it.
Bennett just shrugged in answer as Claire shoved her now empty bottle in the pocket of his sweater she was wearing. He suddenly pulled out another one from his back pocket that she hadn't realized he'd stowed and used his beer can as leverage to pop the top off before he handed it to her without a word. She took it gratefully though she knew she needed to slow down if she wanted to have a coherent conversation.
Bennett sighed as he seemed to grab her hand again without even thinking about it and she was grateful both for his human contact and because he'd never have touched her if he was upset with her.
"Did you call her this weekend?" Claire asked nervously.
Bennett actually snorted before he replied with a terse "Yup."
"Didn't go well?"
"Nope." He said simply while popping the p. "She gave me another ultimatum."
Claire bit her lip as she groaned loudly, "Again!? What was it this time?"
"Same basically, give you up or just quit contacting her." Bennett replied coldly without looking away from the sand and then suddenly draining his can in his hand and then crushing it.
"But!" Claire said defensively and could feel tension tightening her entire body in response, "You can't do either of those things!"
Bennett just held his hands out to the side, one with her hand in it and the other with the can from his pocket he'd switched out.
"If only she could understand that." He remarked dryly though Claire could see the hurt and frustration he was holding back but was written just below the surface.
Suddenly she was furious, she knew the alcohol was coming into effect but she suddenly wished Macy was there in front of her so she could take all of her hurt and anger and frustration out in one satisfying moment where Claire pictured herself sitting on Macy, straddling her chest there in the sand as she used her legs to pin Macy's arms down and then threw punch after punch into her face before using one of her empty bottles to smash over her head.
"This … it's just stupid ridiculous." Claire stuttered angrily.
Suddenly Bennett chuckled and Claire looked over at him before he said, "Really, Claire? Even intoxicated you still can't curse?"
"I can curse! I curse!" Claire defended immediately even knowing she was overreacting and didn't need to be defensive about whether she cursed or not.
"Sure, you do." He answered somewhere between a mix of complete skepticism and placating her. "So, I talked about Macy. Now tell me about Vegas." He replied quickly and Claire groaned in response, not wanting to drop the Macy subject but also realizing he'd reached his limit when it came to discussing his imprint.
"… Quil was….. Quil was an asshole." She suddenly said and then laughed hysterically. She suddenly remembered the last thing she'd eaten was potato chips and chocolate raisins hours earlier and was now working her way through her second bottle of hard lemonade in less than ten minutes.
"Hey!" Bennett cheered excitedly for her. "There you go! I've only been waiting weeks to hear you say it!"
Claire rolled her eyes at him before she continued, "He made like a huge public scene multiple times because I was drinking or talking to some random guy….. But last night… boy, did he set a new record last night!... I just ….. I can't with last night…."
She finally stopped struggling to explain so that she could take another drink but then held the bottle to her lips just so she wouldn't have to speak.
After a moment Bennett finally asked, "What happened?"
He barely whispered it, but even drunk, tears still managed to leak silently out of her eyes as the story came pouring out of her, "Sofia invited the guy I'd talked to Friday night to meet us at the club we were supposed to go to…. When Quil found out… he was sooo mean, Bennett! Right there in the middle of the restaurant. The whole group heard him. It was so humiliating!"
"What did he say?" Bennett probed softly and Claire actually finished her drink hoping for an extra quick effect before she answered.
"He said I was jail baiting myself out to unsuspecting guys to try to get his attention…. To make him jealous and to make him want me or something I don't remember exactly….. he said, I had to drink the alcohol my friends bought for me because I was too….. I dunno, like young or stupid to buy it myself….. I'm not telling this right… it sounds so stupid like that but seriously the way he said it….. I just…. It just…."
Her voice kept breaking, and she had to stop. She even stopped walking so that she could wrap her shaking arms around herself and Bennett stopped too before he wrapped his own arms around her, immediately fighting the cold morning breeze with his too high body heat.
"I get it, Claire. It's okay." Claire nodded though she wondered how much she really could have made clear through her emotional, drunken rambling. It was like he sensed her confusion when he clarified, "He was a dick that purposefully put you down and embarrassed you in front of all your friends and an entire restaurant full of people all because some guy you didn't invite wanted to meet up with you."
She stiffened in his arms in surprise before she sniffed and muttered, "Yeah! That's exactly what happened!"
Bennett just nodded before he kissed her head and then stepped back to continue leading her forward on the beach.
Suddenly Claire wondered when it was that he'd come to replace what Quil had always been to her long before she'd ever fallen in love with him. It was the kiss on her forehead that threw it into such clarity, he wasn't holding her hand anymore but suddenly she realized he felt like her warmth now. He was her comfort. He was her support now. He was her best friend.
So then again, the only question she could ask herself was, so what the hell did that make Quil to her?
"I'm going to take extra classes and graduate this year." She suddenly said as she walked close enough to him to steal the heat coming from his bare arm.
"Cool." He replied supportively, seeming unfazed by the random subject change. "You'll be a senior with me."
"Yeah, exactly." Claire replied giving confidence to the idea she'd just officially decided on.
"So, why?" Bennett asked.
"Because…." Claire said confidently, feeling like she couldn't explain the certainty that she was feeling, just that she knew she needed to do this. "I can't be in high school for two more years! I have Jamie now and my inheritance and…. And I don't know…. I can't do a full year at that school without you after you graduate!"
Bennett just nodded and was contemplative for a second before he finally said, "Is this about Quil? Waiting around and proving that you're capable of being with him? Taking away his excuses, like, look I'm out of high school now, we can be together!...?"
"Wha- No! Oh, hell no! Just no!" Claire said immediately and clearly too emphatically because Bennett started laughing in response.
"No, seriously," she started again but calmly, "it's… I just can't even explain it… it's like for the first time in my entire life I don't know what my future is. It's not Quil waiting with open arms like I thought it was…." Claire's voice finally cracked and got emotional as she finally, painfully admitted, "He doesn't want me, Bennett. He doesn't want me and now it's like this whole place doesn't want me anymore…."
Bennett opened his mouth clearly about to protest that idea, but she immediately held up her hand and spoke over him, "No, listen. It's like even the waves." She gestured to the tide coming in beside them on the sand, "It always felt so rhythmic and welcoming…. Now it feels like it's pushing me out too, just like him…. Trying hard enough to purge me from his system that eventually I leave on my own… I dunno, I can't explain it…. I just need to get out of Washington…. Hopefully, take the money my dad left and take Jamie and then just get somewhere again where I can be just Claire, not Claire-that-belongs-to-Quil."
By the time she finished she was so steady and calm she would have guessed she was sober. She wasn't even tearing up anymore. She was just completely certain, as long as Quil didn't want her, this land that belonged to him, to his tribe and his wolves and his magic, could never be a home to her. She kept staring at the water, admiring the affect and trying to pinpoint the difference. Was it really in her head or was the water really moving differently? The color less blue and more slate today? The sound pushing back farther instead of reeling her in.
"Come on." Bennett suddenly said as he lightly pulled on her arm trying to pull her back down the beach the direction they'd come. "Let's get you home." He said it calmly, but he was looking at the waves too and suddenly she realized he felt it too. He saw it once she described it, she might have been dramatic in saying the place itself was pushing her away but there was certainly a lack of something now, a sense, probably so clear to him with his wolf senses, that she didn't belong. Especially in comparison to the obvious sense of how much he did.
Claire just nodded, not wanting to talk about it as she followed his lead and walked back up the beach silently. For the first time not soothed by the sound of the waves beside her and wanting to leave it behind as quickly as possible. She didn't look back when she wobbled trying to climb the rocks to the parking lot and Bennett lifted her straight up and then forced her into the car, refusing to leave her alone where she could fall back onto the beach, before he went back and grabbed the rest of the pack of beer and hard lemonade and brought them back to the car.
Claire moaned just as he was climbing into the car, "I definitely should have eaten something before that!"
"You gonna puke?" he asked easily, and Claire held up a finger for a second while she evaluated it.
"I hope not." She finally replied, even knowing the answer was yes, she was definitely going to puke at some point, she was just hoping to be able to make it home first.
"Close your eyes for the drive." Bennett advised as he backed out of the spot and the movement made Claire's stomach clench in a dangerous way. She immediately followed his advice.
Every time the car made a turn, she had to breathe through her mouth that was definitely sweating and grabbed her stomach to try to keep it all down. It was not a fun drive and she was definitely regretting the alcohol, even if the lemonade did taste significantly better than beer, she doubted it would make much difference when it came back up again.
Somewhere along the way she went from trying desperately to keep from puking to extremely exhausted and shlumped over against the cool, soothing glass of the window with her already closed eyes.
She didn't know how much time had passed, but it'd been a few minutes and she'd been just about to land in the completely crashed out zone of sleep when Bennett suddenly groaned as the car slowed down. She would have just ignored it, too tired to deal with Bennett getting pulled over or something but she suddenly felt his shaking hand pressing hot against the scratching material of his sweater against her shoulder.
"Claire, I think you're going to need to deal with this." He basically growled at her and she tried to find the muscle control to lift her head as she blearily managed to peel her eyes open in response to his tone. "I don't think I have enough control right now."
The only thing she could really make out was that they were now in front of her house and not alongside the highway still like she'd thought.
"What is it?" she mumbled confused and groggy as she tried again to lift her head from the window, she suddenly realized she'd been drooling against and was now pasted to with suction cup force.
Bennett's voice was cold and she barely made out how he was shaking in the driver's seat next to her when he simply replied, "It's Quil."
.
.
Author's note:
Hi! Me again! So I know you're probably sick of hearing from me by now (I'm sick of hearing from me by now... let's get more of the story already!) but I've gotten enough comments and messages (which I Love btw..) that I wanna address this, so bare with me... It is definitely okay to hate Quil right now. Totally. You should definitely be feeling that. Actually, whatever you're feeling is completely valid and know you aren't alone in it! I almost hate Quil right now... I think because Quil's our story's hero (and he's been such a great Hero! so loveable, right? Just me? okay that's fair.) it can be confusing how you're supposed to feel right now. I mean you should feel your feels however you feel them (did that make sense?) but at the point where we're at in the storyline my intention with the writing is that we should all be a little bit hashtag teamClaire right now (Side note; I DO know how to do a hashtag and also an At symbol but for whatever reason the FF user face deletes a lot of very common symbols ... weird right?) We are about to get more of Quil and his perspective though, I promise, so hopefully that'll help us maybe relate to him just a tiny bit more ..
Okay, that's it. Have a great day!
xoxo
Jess