"Something's different." Stefan says quietly as he sat across the table from Caroline. The younger vampire has been back from her months long trip for about a week now and had been… well, he wouldn't say she had been avoiding him -although to be fair, she was doing that long before she went on her trip because of the humanity switch incident- but she had not reached out to him. He could have waited and continued to give her the space she may need but with everything going on with Bonnie and Damon and Elena and starting a car repair and dealership with Damon in Mystic Falls, he needed some time away from … well, everything.
It was a bit pathetic that he had no one to talk to outside their usual circle of friends that he could go to and vent… or just hang out with. This was the problem with making your love interests your best friends and centering your entire life around them, Stefan mused…
"What do you mean?" Caroline's words cut through Stefan's reverie, bringing his eyes back to hers and away from the seemingly more interesting spot right above her head.
"I mean, there's a certain aura around you that I dunno...feels a bit different than it was before you left..." Stefan responded calmly, taking a sip of his drink. He had opted for a non-alcoholic cocktail. There was no use in getting drunk, it was barely dusk. "but maybe that's my imagination. Anyway, how was your trip?"
"Pretty good. It was fun to see all those places and meet all those people. The rich culture, the foods, the art, fashion and sights... I'm telling you my paper is going to be groundbreaking! I have no doubt about that." Caroline responded animatedly. She found that after a week of being back, she was still not off the high she had been on during the trip. She still spoke animatedly about her experiences whenever someone dares to ask he and some mornings she could swear she heard the aroma of spices in the air right before she woke up.
"So it was fun." Stefan summarized.
"And enlightening. And beautiful and I'm really thinking of travelling a lot more often now." She responded involuntarily. And then launched into a more detailed expression of her travels.
--
"There's something you need to know." Caroline mumbles after about an hour of talking about Paris and Rome, telling Stefan -whom she now realized, most probably has already been to these places and more- all about anything that came to mind.
"I was waiting for it." Stefan responded calmly. He had indeed been waiting for Caroline to say something and he would have left surprised if Caroline hadn't had anything to "disclose" aside tales from her trip abroad.
"Do you know what it is already?"
"No, but I'd like to believe I know you enough, Caroline... and that means I know when you hold back and when you try to avoid discussions." Which was all the last one hour had been about, he knew.
"I wasn't trying to avoid it. I just didn't know how to start it but I also knew I had to tell you because it's best you hear it from me than from someone else." She was starting to fidget with her fingers and the glass in front of her and the table cloth, the napkins and basically anything she could get her hands on.
"What is it?" He didn't mean to sound impatient but watching her fidget was making him nervous and considering her demeanor, he figured nervous was not the right state of mind he needed to be in for this. The earlier they got this over with, the better.
'It's about last week." She says slowly, looking up briefly at him and then her eyes went back to the melting ice cubes under her glass. "I mean two weeks ago, which was the last week of my trip."
"Okaayy..." Stefan encouraged.
"Well I was in Paris when I felt my link to Klaus broken." She had finally broken the ice. She knew the moment Klaus' name fell from her lips in front of Stefan, the rest of the story would follow seamlessly. When it came to Klaus, starting the conversation -not just with Stefan, but with everyone else- was the hardest part.
"Right." He knew. He didn't need to hear anything else, he just knew with every fibre of his being where this was going and-
"And well, something didn't feel right so I cut that trip short and..." Caroline continued because now, it was easier for her to speak.
"And I think I know where this leads." Stefan cut through her words because now, listening to her was not easy, and wasn't going to be easy if he let her continue her tale. Caroline had the tendency of painting vivid, picturesque images with her stories and he was not ready for that.
"And I think whatever you're imagining is true." She whispers. A part of her was happy she didn't have to spit out the whole story to Stefan but that meant the part where she waited for his judgement and verdict, came a bit sooner than she had been prepared for.
"You slept with him." Stefan deadpanned.
The judgement, Caroline thought. Stefan's judgement was crisp and straight to the point. "It just happened. It wasn't planned and I-"
"Do you regret it?" He asked, a little more calmer than he felt, to be frank.
"I don't know." Caroline responded honestly, looking up at Stefan for what felt like the first time that evening. She looked, really looked. And found… Nothing. She had expected the anger and judgement and possible disgust but Stefan was wearing that gentle signature look of his and the sight of it was doing her head in. "The entire time I was there I didn't have any regrets... in the week I've been home I still had no regrets but now, sitting across from you talking about it, I feel regret." She elaborated.
"That's not regret, Caroline, that's guilt. It's two different things." Stefan continued. He could see the turmoil inside just bubbling close to the surface on Caroline's face.
"I just... I'm confused." She finally fessed up. She was confused about so many things. The thing was, when it came to Klaus, confusion was something she had come to accept because there always seemed to be a cognitive dissonance where she knew with her entire functioning brain that she should not entertain him but everything else, mind body and soul, wanted so much to be with him. It wasn't just sex, no. It was more. It was everything else. The way he looked at her, the way he looked at others when they looked at her, the smile, the eyes, the rush, the knowledge that he would do anything…kill, die, for her. That kind of danger, the fire and the full body throbbing that came with it… Every other part of her, including her brain sometimes wanted to be with him. But now, sitting before Stefan, a different kind of confusion was starting to form.
"Regret is wishing you didn't do it; guilt is feeling bad about doing it because of a particular variable. In this case, me." Stefan felt the need to elaborate.
"I don't get why you're so calm." She spat out. Her confusion was morphing into mild annoyance. Where was the anger, where was the hurt? She hated to admit it but flashes of memory seeped back into her mind. Of Stefan, being Stefan. Understanding, soft, caring, willing, yielding, forgiving… Stefan.
"I know not to force love, Caroline... besides, I was here with everyone else. We all witnessed Klaus' affection for you and your closeted affection for him. Yes, I'm hurt because I genuinely have feelings for you but no, I'm not surprised that you had a dalliance with Klaus." He responded when it looked like if he didn't she would wreck the entire diner, and shrugged for good measure.
"Why am I the only one surprised by that?" She whispered, leaning on the table, her eyes looking eagerly at him as she waited for his response.
"Denying something to yourself doesn't mean others don't notice the truth." Stefan responded in the same soft tone he had been using, shrugging once more. He's been privy to people who denied their feelings before. He knew that never ended well for anyone, his situation with her was a case in point. "Where does that leave us?"
"You're joking." Caroline was flabbergasted. She could not believe what had just fell out of Stefan's mouth. She stared agape at him, unblinking, eyes willing him to laugh and tell her yes, indeed he was joking… when he didn't, he emphasized again, "you're joking, surely!"
"Dead serious." Stefan responded, a small smile had found a way to the corner of his lips, tugging against his will.
"You're willing to take me now even after I literally just told you I have been with another man." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. A statement riddled with confusion and shock.
"When you live long enough, you realize you're not as rigid when it comes to love. Forgiveness comes easy in the face of eternity." He hadn't meant to sound like a prat, but he couldn't help saying that. He wasn't looking for someone to warm his sheets, he was looking for someone to live an eternity with, for, and by. And that meant he needed to be flexible.
"Yes, but I haven't lived long enough, Stefan." Caroline's tone was almost pleading, unable to grasp this. This tendency of Stefan's to be sacrificing and knowing if he gave into her now, she was going to keep making him give into her and that would make her miserable in the long run. She thought of it, thought of what Klaus would do in a situation like this… thought real hard and came up with nothing until-
"Just to clarify this... you didn't cheat on me. We haven't been together for months and you told me clearly and plainly at Alaric's wedding that I shouldn't wait for you. If I'm hurt right now, that's not on you. It's on me. My own expectations hurt me." Stefan's words cut into her thoughts.
"I hate you so much." She whispered. The rest of the night happened in a blur, mostly because she was thinking about whether or not she was a hoe and also because snippets, small visions of entangled bodies, one with the face of Klaus and the other with Stefan's face was invading her mind till she literally super sped out of the diner.
Over the next couple of days, Caroline's confusion didn't wane. If anything, she became more disoriented. She was avoiding Stefan's texts and ignoring Klaus' calls although the original vampire never let that stop him. The voicemail kept coming in daily like she was his newfound diary.
Ooooooooo000ooooooooO
Neither really knew how it started. One moment Stefan was holding the door open for Elena to enter the currently empty room she shared with her two best friends and in the next moment, her lips were on Stefan's.
They had gone out... to grab a bite and chat. They both tried very hard all night long to avoid the subject of love and the current failed status of both their loves. Stefan knew if the subject was breached it wasn't beyond him to comment on how both of them would be saved of this current misery if Elena hadn't fallen out of love with him.
But he, of all people, knew what it means for the heart to make decisions on its own. He's been there a few times so he couldn't fault her but the truth still remained that he had been ready to spend eternity with this girl. To make all their dreams happen with his bare hands and now, now, he shook himself for what felt like the millionth time this night.
They had walked from the on campus diner after their meal, Elena giving an excuse of aiding digestion after a late meal and Stefan wasn't in that much of a hurry so he had agreed. The cool fall weather made them both a little chilled, but neither was in much of a rush. If Stefan was being honest, he absolutely enjoyed her company. They chatted and laughed about things... things Stefan didn't believe they could laugh about, all the while tactically avoiding anything about love and relationships.
Perhaps it was nostalgia, or the fact that even once in a while he felt the impact of being alone especially after all that time being in a relationship. Perhaps he had started to want relationships, to look forward to them, to crave them because when they got to the entrance of the hostel, he continued walking with her, and all the way upstairs.
He didn't realize the implications and didn't realize what kind of signals he had been sending because as he watched Elena pull out her key and unlock her door, he turned the handle and pushed it open, thinking this was his courteous way of saying goodbye.
Instead, her lips found his, faint at first and her hands moved cautiously up his shirt to lay tentatively on his chest. When he didn't push her away like she half expected, she pressed another kiss to his lips.
Stefan had been shocked, initially, when he felt her lips on his and it took his brain about a minute to process and realize that he was being kissed.
As a natural response, he pouted his lips, his hand going slack on the door handle. Moving without much thought, his arms wrapped around her, deepening the kiss.
She felt her legs get a little weak and her head go cloudy; he really was quite good at that, she thought. Her arms draped over his neck and toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging on it a bit as he made her body tingle.
Elena's tongue pressed against Stefan's lips and he parted them slightly, welcoming her tongue into his mouth and sucking on it. The kiss sent electricity straight to his burgeoning cock, moaning when Elena pressed herself into his growing erection.
His nose gently bumped hers and they kissed, lazily and long, savouring each soft tangle of their tongues. Gradually their kiss became deeper and harder, their lips pressed together and tongues searching for one another with more urgency.
His brain started working then. That's when he started to question whether it was nostalgia or just loneliness. He thought it was an irony that they spent all night avoiding the conversation of their previous and current relationship only for their mouths and bodies to bring it up, even as his hands found their way down to her ass. He pulled her in tighter, grinding his crotch into hers and seemed to have been jolted awake as he pulled away from the kiss, keeping her away from his at arm's length away.
"No, no we're not doing this." Stefan says breathily, trying to catch his breath and realizing how unconvincing he sounds at the moment.
"What do you mean?" Elena asked. She was still trying to find her bearings after that kiss.
"Elena we're friends. You don't love me anymore." Stefan reasoned. Or at least tried to reason with her.
"But Stefan I-.."
"No you don't… You love Damon, and I love Caroline. We are not doing this. Just no." His arms dropped to his sides when he was sure Elena was steady once more. He wasn't sure whether he was steady but he figured the farther away he stays from this particular temptation, the better.
"No-one gets hurt if we both agree to it. For comfort." She knew she sounded silly the moment she said that but she didn't want to rectify it. She knew what she felt from that kiss. It wasn't love, no. But it was that same allure of kissing a vampire she had had when she was a teenager.
"You're a human." Stefan cut through her reverie. "Go out and meet other humans, fall in love, get hurt and try again, focus on school and live a full life. This stuff, it'll be better if you don't get involved in it anymore."
"Stuff?" She didn't mean to spit it out but she didn't regret how it sounded either.
"This. Vampires and witches and werewolves and whatever… All that." Stefan sighed, rubbing her face in frustration. His erection was slowly ebbing away. "I blame myself. If I hadn't come back, then-.."
"I would still be the Petrova doppelganger and I would still be plunked in the middle of this so that has nothing to do with you… or what I'm suggesting now." Elena cut that particular train of thought off with her own reasoning.
"I'm not going to do this with you, Elena… It is a big mistake. No amount of loneliness should make you think that this is a good idea."
"But we kissed and-..." Did she sound desperate and a bit abnormal? Yes. Did she care? No.
"And it was okay for a fleeting minute but it means nothing. It was just a body reaction to having someone close." Stefan cut in. He was trying to end this as amicably as he could.
"And what's wrong with that?" Chin up and jaw set, she dared him with her eyes to convince her.
"What's wrong with that, is I haven't given up on love." He hadn't given up on sex either and right now he needed to have sex but he knew Elena could just not be the one. Anyone but her.
"Caroline loves Klaus." It was a cheap shot but she tried it anyway.
"And I haven't given up on Caroline but even if I do, this..." He gestured with his hand between them for emphasis. "...this is just never going to happen again."
And with that, Stefan sped off into the night, leaving a bamboozled Elena at her door. He thought the best was to avoid any of his friends for a while, do what he usually did when he wanted time away from everyone in his circle.
Focus his energy somewhere else. And at the moment that was his new business with Damon.