Notes: This is a mammoth (and even more of one now that I edited it with an additional scene), but I couldn't find a good place to split it! Sarah MacLachlan's song Fallen has also become a song I associate a lot with both Kalin and Radley, and it especially fits for Radley in this chapter. I used the second verse as inspiration when he starts monologuing with Kalin. As for the threat he makes later . . . well, that's something I only recently learned happens in the Japanese version of Crash Town. I'm not happy about it and I don't think it fits either version of the character. I think the only way it can work is if it's a lie. I debated for a long time whether to ignore it or acknowledge it since I mostly use the dub characterizations, and finally for several reasons I decided to acknowledge it. I hope my reasons will be clear in this chapter, and please forgive Radley! It's a horrible threat, but this is YGO, and we've forgiven characters for much worse, Kalin included.
Chapter Eight
You Are Pulled From the Wreckage
Pastor Green's fate devastated me and it devastated the entire town. Malcolm wanted to get everyone quaking in fear and giving up on hope, and he succeeded. I think West was the only one who still believed in hope after that. We were all stranded; Klaus was unable to move away with Ben and Belle because Malcolm didn't want them to get away and be able to tell Sector Security what was happening in Crash Town. For my part, I was sure they must know and just didn't care. How could they not know, when people of all sorts were often journeying to such a small town?
It took a long time for me to be able to pull myself together. I didn't have much hope left, but I guess I must have had some. I didn't want everyone else to give up as I had. Gradually I started making jokes again and trying to lighten things for the Bunch and the kids and anyone else who wanted it. We had been in a losing streak for a long time, making it even harder to find things to joke about. No one wanted to join our side and fight Malcolm's vicious Duelists.
To rub salt in the wound, one night Malcolm's Crew even broke into the diner and started a brawl with us, just like in the old days. Malcolm hit me over the head with a chair and almost killed me. I guess he was tired of the duels by then, even though he was winning, and still believed that getting rid of me would solve all his problems. Well, too bad for him I didn't die. Not then. I did end up in a strange situation and magically teleported to another time or place, with a lot of kind people. At least, I think I did. Right now I wonder if it really happened. I remember getting back into town and kicking Malcolm's Crew out of the diner.
It was right after that when Kalin came.
Kalin's arrival in Crash Town, and his subsequent winning streak, seemed to give Radley a second wind. The Bunch had been worried about him for a long time; he had been so horrified over Pastor Green's fate that he hadn't been able to even put on an act of being alright for a while. Now he was perking up again and acting more like his old self, finding ways to make them laugh and verbally sparring with Malcolm.
Kalin's constant rejection of Radley, however, weighed on him over time. He tried to just think Kalin was a hard sell; it was hard to have someone dislike him so thoroughly when he was now used to people liking him and giving him a chance. And it was really quite awkward and uncomfortable to have such a situation when Kalin worked for him. Still, Kalin kept winning and Radley had high hopes that this would at last be Malcolm's Waterloo. If they could just push him and the Crew out of town, it would be free at last.
One night he was sitting at a table near the window, staring out at the dark night. Kalin was sitting across from him, having his one nightly drink and staying silent, as usual.
Radley sighed, swishing the root beer around in the glass before taking another sip. He felt oddly wistful tonight. Six years total of being on his own without his biological family and four years spent in Crash Town, and he could see bits and pieces of how he had changed in that time. He wasn't sure what to think.
". . . Look at them," he mused with a chuckle. Scotch and Biff were happily kicking up their legs as they danced on the counter—something Radley had repeatedly scolded them for doing in an eating establishment. He would make them clean it later, as he always did, but for the moment he liked just seeing their merriment. Billy was leaning on another part of the counter, vaguely amused. Marty and Virgil were at a table, talking and laughing over sodas. Clint was off to himself, twirling his Duel Gun around like his namesake Clint Eastwood. Some of the other members of the Bunch were sharing drinks or playing with the jukebox.
Kalin looked. It was the type of scene that he had encountered many times during the past weeks. The Bunch could get a little rowdy when they were happy, but they were harmless. Completely the opposite of the motorcycle gangs Kalin had grown up seeing around Satellite.
"If I could just preserve things as they are right now," Radley said softly. "This is the way I'd like to remember them always." He abruptly sat up straight. "But things always change sooner or later."
Kalin gave him a questioning look. He never understood why Radley sometimes waxed serious with him. What did he expect Kalin to say or do? He was just the hired help. Oh, Radley kept insisting Kalin was one of them, but of course Kalin wasn't, really. No one should be relying on him.
"You know why they're so happy, Kalin?" Radley asked.
"Because we're making big money," Kalin intoned.
"Well, that too, but mainly it's because I took them all away from their miserable lives and brought them here, where we've all prospered as a family." Radley leaned back with his drink. "And before you start thinking I'm just blowing my own horn, that's what they tell me all the time. They tell me they have hope as long as I'm here." He gripped his glass tighter. "So I'd better always be here."
"Why wouldn't you be?" Kalin asked.
"Malcolm wants me dead." Radley leaned forward on the table again. "He's been trying off and on to get rid of me for four years. Right before you came here, he outright tried to murder me. He admitted it to my face." He sighed, heavily. "And if I'm gone, I'm afraid all these happy, cheery guys are just going to crumble. If I'm their hope, then to take me away will ruin them."
". . . What does that have to do with me?" Kalin grunted.
Radley sighed in frustration. ". . . Look. There's two safes upstairs. One of them has some back-up money. The Bunch all knows about that. But there's another, one with papers in it. I have a sealed letter for them, to be read only if something happens to me. They kind of know about that, but they never want to talk about it when I try to tell them. So I'm telling you, just in case you're around and you could remind them."
"I'm sure I wouldn't be around," Kalin said.
"Probably not, since we'd likely both go down at the same time," Radley said. "Malcolm's getting more and more impatient to have me gone. I don't think he'll put up with the duels much longer. Please, Kalin, you have to keep winning! Okay?" He reached out, gripping Kalin's hand on the table.
Kalin stiffened at the physical contact, but didn't draw his hand back. "I can't promise anything."
Radley looked resigned. "I know. I'm sorry to put so much on you, but . . ." He trailed off. "Just in case this ever ends up being important, my last name is Ramon. My family wouldn't ever be any help, so don't call them, but . . . yeah, just remember that."
"Don't they know?" Kalin nodded to the Bunch, who were now goofily singing I Love Rocky Road along with the jukebox.
". . . I tell them in that letter," Radley said. "I left my last name behind years ago. I didn't want any visible connection with my family. They'd abandoned me and I wanted to start fresh. And I wanted my friends to love me for me, not my family's money." His voice lowered. "I never had real friends before I met them. . . ."
"They love you for you now," Kalin said. "You shouldn't keep secrets from them that you plan to spring on them if you're dead."
Radley grabbed the bottle of root beer on the table and refilled his glass. "You're right," he said. "But my last name isn't important anymore. It would be pointless to tell them. I guess I just thought . . . if I was gone, maybe I should tell them then anyway. I don't know . . . maybe it's stupid." He fell silent, as did Kalin. For a time they just sat there, listening to the Bunch's silliness.
". . . You know, it's funny," Radley spoke again at last. "I think everybody starts out with good intentions. We're naive, and hopeful, and we think we can conquer the world. But it always turns out we're wrong."
Kalin glanced at him over the rim of his glass, slight interest flickering in his eyes. He understood what Radley was saying. He could relate oh so well. And he wouldn't have expected Radley to have such deep thoughts. This entire conversation had been strange.
"We get older and we run into obstacles we never dreamed of, and we start changing who we were to deal with them. Maybe sometimes we get so we don't recognize ourselves anymore. We abandon our values, our personalities . . ."
"People we care about," Kalin interjected.
Radley looked startled that Kalin had actually contributed to the monologue. ". . . Sometimes that too," he consented. "Funny thing is, usually we don't even realize it's happened. Then one day we have an epiphany and look back and realize we've changed. It hurts. If I'd known everything that would happen in the four years since we've been here . . ." He shook his head. "I don't know. Was it worth it?"
"All you want out of life is money," Kalin said. "You've got it."
Radley flinched. He looked away, but not before Kalin saw the hurt in his eyes. "Yeah," he said quietly. "I've got it."
In a moment the mood changed and Radley turned back with a laugh. "So, what do you say we drink to that, then, Kalin?" he said. "New times and new money?"
Kalin grunted.
"You could be a little appreciative, you know?" Radley said, slightly irritated now. "Most Duelists are glad I'm giving them a chance."
"I'm glad," Kalin said. "But you might not be, someday."
"As long as you win, I'm just great," Radley said. "If you can just hold out long enough to clean out Malcolm for good, we'll really be in the black."
"There are no guarantees of anything," Kalin said. "I could always lose."
"You should have more confidence in yourself," Radley said. "I believe in you, Kalin."
Kalin finally got up from the table. "You shouldn't." He walked out, leaving Radley staring after him.
I guess I never really recognized your pain either, did I? I could see you brooded and I had the feeling you'd understand deep subjects if I tried to bring them up. . . . I wanted to confide in you, but it never worked out so well. I knew something was really wrong after the way you were talking to Yusei, but it was still hard for it to sink in. I see it now. You hated yourself for whatever it was you did to him. I never felt like you, but really looking back on everything now, seeing what I became . . . seeing my failures . . . I understand now.
I don't know what it was you did or how much damage you caused, but for me . . . I wrecked the town and all the Duelists who ended up with Malcolm. I tried so hard to save the town, but I just couldn't. I didn't know what I was doing. I'd been thrust into a mess I didn't understand, and I tried to fix it the best way I knew how, but everything I did made things worse.
The night Yusei came to town and I realized you knew him, I got scared. Really scared. And I did something horrible, unforgivable.
Radley was left smarting, as usual, when Kalin got up and walked out the night Yusei came. If it was just about himself he would have let it go, as he always did. But he was worried about the future of everyone now. Kalin had always been strange. He hated Radley and made that clear every day. Now, for someone to show up from his past, he would have a reason to leave. And there was no one else left; without Kalin, the town would fall to Malcolm. It was obvious from his recent attack on the diner and his mounting rage at Kalin's winning streak that he wouldn't stand for much more, just as Radley had worriedly told Kalin. He would kill Radley the first chance he got, and then everything else would crumble.
Radley sat for a long time, drinking the cactus cider and staring off into the distance as he mulled over the problem. He couldn't lose Kalin. He couldn't. Explaining the situation to him and pleading with him hadn't worked. He had to try something else. But what would work on someone who seemed to be immovable?
Finally he looked to Billy, who was still at the counter with a soda and watching him in concern. "Billy, round everyone up," he instructed. "I need to talk with all of them."
Billy blinked in surprise. "Sure, Radley." He hurried off.
It wasn't long and the entire Bunch was in the diner, not just the core group. Radley looked to each of them very seriously. "I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow," he said. "Things may be different than they've been up to this point."
A low murmur rose among them. "What do you mean, Radley?" one named Barney finally asked. "We're going to win, as always!"
"I hope so," Radley said. "But still . . ." He gave a heavy sigh as he got up from the table. "I need all of you to promise me something. If I say or do anything strange tomorrow, I want you to back me up. No shock, no surprise, no questions. Can you do that?"
The Bunch all looked to each other and then back to him. "We're always with you, Radley," Billy said. "Anything you want, we'll do."
Radley gave a sad smile. "I know."
xxxx
Radley's suspicions proved correct. Kalin behaved increasingly oddly throughout the next day, enough so that Radley grew fearful his plan would have to be put into action. Right before they rode out for the sunset duel, he gathered the entire Bunch and cornered Kalin in the back hall of the diner.
"Are you readyto win again tonight, Kalin?" he asked.
"I'm always ready to duel," Kalin replied vaguely. "I'll win, if Fate wills it."
"Well . . . I've tried to impress on you the importance of a win, but . . . if you need any extra motivation . . ." Radley held up his arm and unfurled his Duel Gun. The Bunch immediately did likewise, in unison. "Try anything funny and your Duel Gun is wired to detect it and explode. That won't feel too good on your arm. If you even still have an arm after the blast."
He could feel a wave of shock from the Bunch. But to their credit, none of them showed it.
Kalin, on the other hand, was completely deadpan in both his face and his feelings. "Oh, I see." He looked down at his Duel Gun. "You're really serious about winning."
"It's just some added insurance," Radley said.
"I won't lose on purpose." With that, Kalin walked out of the diner and towards his motorcycle.
It was Scotch who finally spoke. "Radley, what . . . ?! You know we haven't done anything to his Duel Gun!"
"No, and we never would," Radley said. "But if he thinks we did, maybe he'll be more sure to stay in line." He clenched a fist. "We can't lose him. . . . We can't."
I made the threat again later when you started talking to Yusei about wanting to lose and I realized things were even worse than I'd thought. It didn't make any difference to you in the end, but . . . to fall so far that I would make up a sick lie like that . . . !
Being sent to the mines was all I deserved. No wonder you just left me.
xxxx
Radley had never been so afraid in his life. In the space of a few short moments, his entire world had come crashing down. Yusei had beaten Kalin, Barbara had betrayed him, Lawton had shown up, and now all three of them were facing life sentences in Malcolm's part of the mine.
He regained consciousness from Lawton's cruel one-turn-kill mock duel being pulled out of the coffin and being put in a portable pillory, along with Yusei and Kalin. Yusei gave him a cold look, but Kalin looked oddly relieved and relaxed. He really had wanted to lose. He truly was crazy.
"What kind of a person are you?" Yusei demanded.
Radley was still shaking with fear as they were prodded along towards the nearest mine entrance. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Playing with people's lives and even rigging their Duel Guns to explode if they don't duel for you the way you want?" Yusei snapped.
"He was lying, Yusei," Kalin said.
Radley looked to Kalin with a jerk. ". . . You knew?!" Considering how much Kalin disliked him, he had thought Kalin would believe it hook, line, and sinker.
"Of course I knew," Kalin said. "I inspected my Duel Gun when it was first given to me, and I never let it out of my sight after that. There was nothing dangerous about it, and I should know—I used to rig devices to cause Duel Disks to explode all the time when I was dealing with duel gangs. But even if that wasn't the case, your big deal has always been what's good business sense. You would never risk damaging your workers."
Yusei frowned. He still looked somewhat conflicted, but Kalin's absolute confidence in his words was hard to argue with.
". . . You're right," Radley quietly admitted. "Of course, I would never do something like that." There seemed very little point in continuing the lie right then.
"It was a foolish and desperate lie," Kalin said. "Someone who has been around you as long as I have could see that."
Ironic, then, that you couldn't see the rest of the truth. Not that it matters now. Still, it's surprising that you stood up for me at all, instead of letting Yusei continue to believe the lie was true. Thank you for that small kindness.
Then they were taken inside the mine and any thoughts of continuing the conversation fled. Everywhere they looked, people were struggling to pick at the walls and the floors, and if they didn't do it just so, they were whipped or shocked. Some of the men were sick and really couldn't keep working, but they were forced on anyway. Radley's stomach twisted. All of the rumors were true, and worse. This was what had been happening the whole time he and Malcolm had been dueling every night. He had hoped to save everyone in the mines even as he had become caught up in the duels and making money, but now he was a prisoner himself. There would be no rescue for anyone.
As the pillory devices were removed from all of them, Kalin looked like he was fully embracing this Hellish horror instead of being sickened by it, and something inside Radley just broke. Kalin didn't care what happened to him or even his old friend Yusei as long as he got punished, apparently. Radley had thought Kalin was their hero, their hope, and he had let them all down. After everything Radley had put into this town, and Kalin didn't even care . . . !
He grabbed Kalin, shaking him as he screamed. "This is all your fault! If you hadn't lost this duel, we wouldn't be in this mess! Now we'll be here for the rest of our lives, breaking our backs day and night!" He was only saying a fraction of what was really going through his mind. Was he fully yelling at Kalin, or was he screaming at himself too? If he just hadn't lost that duel . . . if Lawton had played fair . . . if Kalin had just cared about something other than himself . . . !
One of the guards seized him, wrenching him back and pulling hard on his hair. He grimaced in pain.
When he was given a pick, he was led away from where Kalin and Yusei were working. Maybe they thought he was going to keep making trouble with Kalin. Maybe he would have, a bit. . . . Maybe he would have screamed again and demanded to know why Kalin had never cared . . . why he hadn't tried harder. . . . He was panicked and afraid. Yelling wouldn't really do any good. Nothing would do any good.
As soon as they were alone, the guard shoved him to the ground. "Get up," he ordered.
Still shaking, Radley got to his knees and was promptly kicked down again.
"Don't forget the pick," the guard sneered.
Again Radley got up, this time holding the pick.
"You think everything you see here is bad?" the guard drawled. "Well, we've got special orders on what to do with you. We're gonna drain all that arrogance defiance out of you." He pressed a button and the shock collar activated.
Radley screamed, falling hard against the wall. The pick dropped from his hands.
That only made the guard increase the amount of current going through the collar. "Pick it up!" he yelled again.
Radley fell to his knees, gasping. The pain finally shut off and he reached out, drawing the pick to him.
"See, Malcolm's worried that you'll start charming everybody in here into rioting," the guard said. "We can't have that. So instead . . . you're gonna be an example to everyone else. When they see what we do with you, it'll break any hopes they have left."
". . . You're going to kill me," Radley realized in horror.
"That's about how it'll end up," the guard sneered. "But you won't know when it'll happen." He gestured at the wall. "Get up and start working."
Radley stumbled to his feet and gave a shaky swing at the wall.
A whip cracked on his back. "Harder!"
Clenching his teeth, Radley drove the pick into the wall. Small pieces of rocks flew everywhere.
"That's better," the guard said. "Just keep it up, and keep praying we'll keep you around for a little bit longer."
Radley struggled to work on the wall as long as he could. He couldn't stop shaking, both from fear and from the repeated activations of the shock collar. Every time he stumbled or fell down, the guard was right there to whip him or shock him and make him get up. And Radley just wasn't suited for mining. His hands were soft and soon were sore and hurt from struggling with the pick. When the guards changed and they took their eyes off of him for a brief moment, he struggled up and limped deeper into the mine, desperate to get away.
How could he, though? Where would he go? Kalin certainly wouldn't help him. Maybe Yusei would. He seemed like a fighter. He was determined not to stay in the mines. Maybe he would actually find a way for them to escape. But where were they?
He didn't know how long he'd been wandering around when the shock collar activated again. He crashed to his knees and then on the floor, writhing in pain and trying not to scream and alert anyone to his location. When it stopped at last, he just lay there, gasping and gripping at the floor. It wouldn't be long now. It couldn't be. This pain would do him in before long if they kept going at this rate.
"I never thought I'd die like this," he whispered.
"Radley?!"
He looked up with a start, his hair falling over his face. Billy was standing and looking down at him, horrified. A red scarf was tied around his neck.
". . . You . . . you joined Malcolm," Radley rasped. It was to be expected, he supposed. Or maybe Malcolm had forced him into it. Either way, it hurt.
"I had to," Billy said sadly. "They were going to throw us all out, or take us to the mines, and . . . with you gone, none of us had any hope left. . . ."
Radley wearily shut his eyes. "Oh Billy. . . ."
Billy dropped to his knees next to his friend. "They're making me be a guard here for a shift." He lifted Radley's upper body into his arms. "Everyone's looking for you. . . . If I don't tell them you're here, I . . . I don't know what they'll do to me. . . ."
"Billy . . . Billy, please don't!" Radley gripped Billy's upper arm in desperation. "They're not going to keep me here for years to work the mines. They want me dead! All the rumors we heard about Malcolm's part of the mine . . . they're true, and worse! You don't want to be mixed up in this, Billy. I know you don't! We've known each other so long. . . . I need you now! I need you! Please . . . please don't leave me. Please don't tell them where I am! I . . ."
Billy let Radley go, leaving him leaning against the nearest wall. The fear and conflict clearly showed in his eyes. ". . . I can't promise anything," he said. "I have to go, but . . . for now, I won't say I found you. I'm so sorry, Radley. . . ." A tear slipped down his cheek. "I don't know what to do. . . . It's horrible enough to work here. I don't want to end up like you!" He ran off down the corridor, his footsteps echoing off the walls.
Radley stared after him until he was gone. Then he let out his breath sharply and reached for the wall to pull himself up. That was it, then. He was truly alone. Anyone else he found would no doubt feel the same way. Lawton had taken everyone from him as well as everything.
Was that always the way all relationships were? Was it a fable that anything ever lasted or that anyone ever kept caring?
"Oh God, please . . . I don't want to be alone. . . . I don't want to be . . ."
He choked on his own voice. Biting back a sob of despair, he limped down the tunnel in the opposite direction Billy had gone.
He did indeed run into some of the others in the mines, also forced to work a shift as guards. Clint had broke down crying to see him in such pain. Virgil had been more stoic, but just as distraught. Neither of them had known what to do or how to help him, and both had been so terrified of Lawton that they were afraid to do anything. And so both times, Radley didn't push the matter and just left, wandering deeper into this living Hell.
Hearing men moaning was nothing new. For hours he had heard it echoing all through the chambers of the mines. It was agonizing to hear it and not be able to go help whoever was suffering, but of course there was little he could do when he was in the same plight as they. Still, the more he heard it, the more it grated on him. Billy and the others had not helped him because of feeling they could do nothing—and, of course, out of fear for their lives. What if there possibly was something he could do for at least one of these prisoners? His life was over anyway, but maybe it wasn't too late for some others.
That was debatable, though. As long as Lawton controlled Crash Town, there would be no freedom for anyone and the mines would stay Hell for everyone who came there.
He weakly clenched a fist. The Bunch had given up hope. He mostly had as well, but . . . if they had all kept hold of it, maybe they could have overpowered Lawton and Malcolm. It was a moot point now, but still . . . still . . .
He followed the sound of this latest moaning deeper into the mines, even as the treacherous shock collar activated again. He fell back against the wall, gasping, gripping the rock until it dug into his fingers and the electricity was turned off at last. Then, drawing a shaking breath, he limped forward again.
At last he came out through a doorway and found himself staring at a man laying sprawled in a mine cart filled with useless rocks. They would be dumped somewhere so as not to get in the way; seeing a man with them was chilling, even if he hadn't been put there on purpose.
He hurried over as fast as he could make it while limping. "Hello?" he rasped. "How badly are you hurt?!"
The man slowly turned to look at him through bleary eyes. "Radley . . . ? They got you too?"
Radley stiffened. "Jordan. . . ." Jordan had never been far from his thoughts, but once he had seen the conditions in the mines, he had feared Jordan might not even still be alive. He certainly looked half-dead now.
Jordan lifted a weak hand and dropped it again. "The kids . . . the kids came to try to save me. . . . I gave them and Kalin another chance to get out, but I . . . I couldn't save myself. . . ."
"Kalin?!" Radley said in disbelief. "Kalin helped you?!"
"Yes, he was trying to," Jordan said.
Radley's heart clenched. Then . . . why didn't he help me? He really hates me that much?
He tried to push the thought away. Kalin hadn't even cared about his old friend Yusei. Clearly something had changed for him. In any case, that wasn't important right now.
He came closer, reaching to examine the other man for wounds. Jordan flinched at the slightest touch to his left shoulder. Blood was pooling against his jumpsuit on the left side. It was more blood than Radley had ever seen in his life. He was no medic, but he wasn't sure Jordan could last much longer.
Still, what could he do? There were no allies in here, unless he could find Yusei . . . and maybe Kalin after all, from the sound of this. But they were likely long gone. Jordan couldn't be moved; Radley would have to leave him and try to go for help, and it looked like a slim chance that he would even still be alive if Radley found someone. Was it worth even trying? He was surely right that there was nothing he could do.
The searing pain cut through his thoughts and brought him to his knees. He gasped in agony, reaching up with shaking hands to the offensive collar.
Jordan tried in vain to raise up. "Radley?!"
Radley was breathing heavily again. He fell hard against the wall as his vision swam in and out of focus. The pain had finally shut off, but every time they shocked him it was worse.
"Radley, are you alright?!"
Jordan sounded highly distraught by this point. Drawing a shaking breath, Radley stumbled back to his feet. "Yes," he lied. "I'm alright." Jordan was bad enough off right now; Radley didn't dare do anything that might make it worse.
"I know I don't have long left now," Jordan said. "I thought the fall would kill me. I kind of wish it had. Only . . . I don't want to leave the kids. . . . I know Kalin will look after them, but . . ." He closed his eyes sorrowfully. "I wish I had another chance. . . ."
And Radley made one last decision. ". . . I'll try to give you that chance," he found himself saying. "I'll go for help."
"Radley . . ." Now Jordan was both surprised and worried. "You're hurt yourself. . . ."
"I can't stay here," Radley said brusquely. "I don't have anything to lose. Do you know which way Kalin took the kids?"
"They were up several levels, at least," Jordan said. "I don't know how far I fell. They couldn't stop; they were in a mine cart."
Well, that was helpful. Radley sighed in frustration. "I'll do what I can," he said.
Jordan managed a smile. "Radley . . . thank you."
"I can't make any promises," Radley warned.
"But you're willing to try, even though you're being hurt yourself," Jordan said. "That's more than almost anyone else here has been willing to do."
Radley just laughed. "That doesn't make me one of the noble ones," he said. "Just foolish and desperate."
Jordan's eyes flickered. "You never did know your own worth," he said. "I don't think I knew mine either, until today. I hope someday you will understand about yourself what I came to understand about me."
Radley snarked and shook his head. "'Someday.'" Sorry, Jordan, but I don't have that long.
Going for help was almost impossible. It was so easy to get lost in the twisting tunnels, and the more time passed without Malcolm's crew finding him, the more frequently they turned on the shock collar. Every time they did, progress was brought to a screeching halt. And every time, it took longer for Radley to be able to gather his senses enough to get up and try again.
The second to last time, the pain cut through him and he crashed to his knees with a scream, no longer able to hold it back. This time he very nearly passed out before they turned off the power. He fell heavily against the wall, breathing hard, staring ahead at nothing.
The next time they shock me, that's it. I know I can't survive another round.
It almost looked like a speck of light up ahead. Was it natural light, or just another mine? Prisoners had likely been fooled many times. But this was his last gambit. Either way, he couldn't go on past that point. He just had to keep moving until he reached it. . . .
Fresh air reached him as he forced his way down the tunnel. It was a way out. It had to be. Just a little farther. . . .
What would he do when he got out, though? Maybe he wouldn't be able to find Yusei or Kalin. There wasn't anyone else who would help; everyone else was too scared.
He would worry about that when he got there. Another step, then another. . . .
Twilight bathed his face as he stepped out of the mine and into a new night. It almost felt like being reborn after the cruelty of the mines. And . . . was it a mirage, or was there a police officer standing nearby? Crash Town had no law enforcement. If one was here, did that mean . . .
"Help," Radley rasped.
"Sir?!" The officer turned, his eyes filled with concern.
"There's a man back there, in the tunnels." Radley shakily pointed back the way he had come. "Laying on a mine cart. He needs . . . help. . . ."
The collar activated again. He had known he couldn't handle another burst of electricity. It filled every part of his being, overwhelming and taunting him. It was all he could think about.
So . . . this is it, then, he thought to himself as he fell at the horrified officer's feet. This is how I go out—abandoned, with nothing left. Malcolm won.
Then he was standing again, no longer in pain, and watching in shocked horror as the officer knelt down and shook what seemed to be him on the shoulder.
He backed up, shaking, and nearly fell through a bush. "No! No!" He turned, running blindly down the mountain. Some prisoners who were oddly outside turned and saw him and screamed. He ran through one of them before it really processed what he had just done. Now he was screaming.
The nightmare didn't end. It would never end. He was dead and he was stuck here forever, forced to watch what had become of the town and the people and everything he had cared about.
He stumbled and fell, tumbling over and over himself until he landed at the bottom of the mountain, in the cemetery. A transparent finger pointed in his face.
He looked up with a jerk. All the dead prisoners were standing by their graves, all silent, all accusing. Every one of them was pointing at him. It's your fault. It's your fault. We're dead because of you.
"No!" he cried, stumbling to his feet. "It wasn't me! It was Malcolm! It was Malcolm!"
But he was to blame. He had heard the rumors and hadn't tried enough to look into them. He probably couldn't have got anywhere anyway, but he should have tried harder. He had thought the duels were the only way to solve anything. He had been so stupid, so caught up in the duels and making money. He had thought everything was harmless and that Malcolm surely couldn't have been mistreating anyone. It didn't make sense! It still didn't make sense, even after he had seen it.
The prisoners never changed their expressions or their accusing gestures. Finally, crying out in despair and devastation, Radley turned and ran back up the mountain. He had to get away . . . he had to. . . . Maybe if he went back to his body he could get back in it. His body was no doubt spent from the electricity, though. It had given out. Still, it was the only idea he had, so he held to it.
He was just coming back to the scene when an anguished cry chilled him straight through. Billy had just found his body. He fell to his knees in tears, hugging the lifeless form to him as he sobbed.
"You're gone . . . you're really gone! You told me what they were doing to you, but I didn't want to believe it! I was so scared of Lawton, I . . ." He trailed off. "Please forgive me! . . . Please forgive me. . . . I'll never forgive myself."
Radley dropped to his knees. "Oh Billy. . . . No, don't blame yourself. . . . They would've killed me no matter what you did. . . . Lawton is terrifying. I understand that." He looked away. He was still hurt, but seeing Billy's agony made him feel cruel for feeling that way.
Billy just cradled the body to him, still crying. Unlike the frightened prisoners, he could neither see nor hear Radley's spirit.
"I'm sorry . . . I'm so sorry. . . . I don't think anything could sound more hollow right now. . . ." Billy choked. "You were the first person who ever gave me a chance. I turned against the Bunch and I turned against you. I left you alone and hurt when I found you. I was willing to send Marty to the mines as a slave if I could stay free myself. . . ." He sobbed, just rocking back and forth with the body. "How could I do that? How could I do any of it? How could I have just left you to suffer and die?! I saw how bad the mines were! I saw it, and it didn't make any difference! I only cared about myself!"
Sighing sadly, Radley laid his hands on Billy's shoulders. "I'm sorry too, Billy," he said softly. "This is all my fault. We never should have come here. It changed us all."
Tears slipped from his eyes. Ghosts could cry?
Then everything was dark and he sank out of awareness.
So where am I now? Am I alive? Am I dead? Why do I keep imagining you're talking to me, Kalin? Am I that desperate for companionship? You made it clear you don't like me. And yet I keep fantasizing that you're devastated and you want me to come back.
Come back to what? What is there? Everything is gone. Lawton took everything from me. I guess if the police are here, maybe that means he's been stopped and the town has been saved, somehow, but . . . I'm to blame for everything. They'll want me arrested. Maybe just staying dead would be better than a life sentence in The Facility. Either way I'm alone and being punished. Why not just go straight to death and an eternity of Hell? Why also spend years of being tortured while alive too, when there's no hope of anything better after that?
I should just give up. It's pointless to strive so hard. I tried that for years and look what happened.
xxxx
Kalin jerked to attention when the heart monitor audibly slowed. "Radley?!"
"What the heck?!" Crow exclaimed.
"He's dying," Yusei realized. "Jack, get the doctor!"
"I'm on it." Jack ran out the door, just letting it shut by itself behind him.
Kalin leaped out of the chair, his own heart gathering speed instead of slowing. "Radley! Radley, no. Don't do this! Don't give up!"
"Maybe he's just too badly hurt to survive," Crow frowned.
"No," Kalin said. "The things he said . . . ! He's giving up, I'm sure of it!" So strange and ironic, that Kalin himself had been ready to give up 24 hours ago. Now, he was desperately trying to stop someone else from doing the same thing.
From Yusei's expression, he realized the same thing. "Radley, we're all right here with you," he said. "I know you don't know me well, and you don't know Jack and Crow at all, but we want you to live! You're not alone! You have to believe that!"
Kalin was growing more and more panicked. Jack hadn't returned with the doctor, but Kalin doubted very much that any resuscitation was going to work if Radley had given up. He bent over the bed, gripping the railings on either side.
"Radley! I know I have no right to talk to you, to try to convince you to come back, not after all the times I pushed you away and hurt you. But I can't just let you lose hope! I lost hope for years! That was why I came to Crash Town, to throw my life away. I wanted to get sent to Malcolm's part of the mine so I would suffer as I felt I had to for wrongdoings I'd committed against my friends . . . against the whole world. I was so lost in my self-hatred that I couldn't see who you really were or what you really wanted. I rejected you every day and I can't take any of that back. It's my fault that you died in the mines! But I fought for you to live and I'm still fighting now! Please, Radley, listen to me. You're not all alone! The town still loves you. Your men still love you. They all want you to live. And . . . I do too. Please . . . don't give up on your life. Please keep fighting. Please . . ." He hesitated, then reached and took Radley's cold hand between his, desperately praying that Radley would respond to physical contact as well as his words. "Come back to us."
And, drowning in his despair, Radley did respond. "Kalin . . . ?" he whispered. "No . . . it . . . can't be real. . . . It's just in my mind. . . ."
"It is real!" Kalin insisted. "Can't you feel this?!" He squeezed Radley's hand. "I wasn't never there for you before, but I'm here now. I can't even begin to take away what I did or how I hurt you. I know that. All I can do is try to save you now. I'll get out of your life after this, if you want me to go. I know I likely hurt you so badly you won't want me to stay. But I'll stay until I know you're going to be alright."
Radley was silent for a moment but then clutched Kalin's hand with all the strength he could muster. "You're really here," he whispered. "I'm not alone. . . ."
"No, you're not," Kalin promised. "I'm right here."
Radley gripped tighter. Kalin was very literally pulling him out of the darkness and into the light. He finally had a spark of hope again.
"Don't leave me," Radley pleaded. "Please don't leave me. . . . Everyone else left. . . ."
"I won't," Kalin insisted. "I'm staying right here."
A tear slipped from Radley's eye. "I know I deserve to be abandoned, but . . . I can't take it. I can't. . . ."
"You don't deserve it!" Kalin snapped. "Your slate is a whole lot cleaner than mine is! You're not a bad person, no matter what you think of yourself!"
"I am," Radley shot back. "The duels . . . the greed . . . that despicable lie about your Duel Gun . . . !" The anguish in his voice cut through the air like a sword. "I am so sorry, Kalin. I would never do what I threatened. The guys would never do it and I would never tell them to do it. But they trusted me so completely that they went along with the lie without question, even though . . ." He choked. "We've been here so long that I ended up using some of Malcolm's tactics—intimidation and fear. He finally dragged me down with him, something I once vowed would never happen! The guys didn't see it, but you saw it! You always saw it! You saw what no one else saw—that I am rotten to the core!"
Devastation flickered through Kalin's eyes. "Radley, stop it!" He gripped Radley's hand tighter. "I didn't see anything! I saw only what I wanted to see. I didn't want to care about anyone, and I didn't. I thought of you as a selfish and greedy person because then I could feel justified in rejecting you over and over again. It was wrong. You deserved so much better than me. You deserved someone who would help you stand up to Malcolm, someone who would have fought all the duels until there was no one else and he had to surrender to you, just as you'd planned! You deserved someone who would stand by you and help you save this town." Now he was blinking back tears. "I failed you and I am so sorry for that."
"You failed me?!" Radley retorted.
"Yes, I did," Kalin said. "Everyone around me saw what I was too blind to see—your good heart. Yeah, you made mistakes, but life doesn't end there! That's what I've just come from learning. You get up and you try again, no matter what odds there are against you!"
Radley shook his head. "I've tried and I've tried and I've tried. Everything I touch, I break." He placed his free hand over his face and sobbed. "I can't do it anymore. I'm not this town's hero. I'm not everyone's hope. I'm just one flawed idiot."
Kalin looked to Yusei in dismay. It was like having his own words from earlier that day flung back in his face. Radley had indeed sunk so deeply into despair that he was echoing some of Kalin's own feelings and attitudes. It was haunting.
Yusei frowned in concern, but then looked to Kalin with an encouraging smile. If anyone could break through Radley's despair, he was sure Kalin could.
"Radley." Kalin spoke softer now. "You don't have to do it alone anymore. I'm here. My mind is clear now and I want to help you share the load, like I should have done from the start."
"I'm here too, Radley," Yusei said now. "Kalin blames himself for you being left behind, but I blame me. Kalin wasn't in any kind of condition to be able to really process what was happening, but I was. I never should have just abandoned you. I am so sorry."
Crow hesitated, looking uncomfortable. But finally he went over too. "Hey . . . I know you don't know me from Adam, but I'm another of Kalin's buddies. I've been here all night with him and Yusei and Jack. And I want you to get better too. So . . . just keep fighting, okay?"
"We'll all be your friends now," Kalin said. "If you want us. And we'll all help with the town."
Radley had quieted now, but his heartbeat had evened out more. Hopeful, Kalin plunged ahead. "And Radley . . . to a lot of the people here, you are this town's hero. Not because they don't see your faults, but because they love you in spite of them. That's a lesson I had to learn about myself today too. You're a good person. You've given your whole heart and soul fighting for this town for four years! You deserve love and you deserve to feel better about yourself. I want that for you, so much. Now that my mind is clear, I see what a heavy burden I've been carrying for months. I can't stand to think of you walking the same path I did!"
". . . You . . . really are different," Radley said at last. "You . . . honestly see me this way?"
"Yes!" Kalin insisted.
". . . For you to say it, maybe . . . I can start to believe it's true. Kalin . . ." Radley finally forced his eyes open.
"I know it's presumptuous and galling and a million other negative things," Kalin said. "After how I treated you, I wouldn't blame you if you just threw me out, but . . ." He stared into Radley's glassy green eyes. There was no hatred there; really, Radley looked more awestruck and confused than anything else.
"You saved me," Radley said. "You actually do care about me, even after everything. You saved me. . . ." He gripped Kalin's hand, and then to Kalin's stunned shock, he rose off the bed enough to pull Kalin down in a weak, desperate hug.
It took Kalin a moment to adjust to that. But then he smiled, relief and joy sweeping over him as he hugged the other man close. Radley would be alright now. "Yeah," he said as the astonished doctor and Jack arrived in the doorway to witness the scene. "This time I really did."