AN: HELLO, MY DARLINGS! Yes, it's me! I haven't fallen off the earth. For those of you who aren't friends with me on Facebook, I will reveal the reason behind my temporary absence now. My husband and I have struggled with infertility for several years and we've endured several rounds of IVF, but we've never managed to get pregnant. A year ago, we decided to take a break, the world shut down with COVID-19 and we were just drained. We had one final try left and we spent our year coming to terms with the fact that we might never have biological children (adoption was our next move, but we didn't feel ready yet).

By the end of February, we decided to have a very last go and just yesterday we passed our 12-week milestone. My husband and I are expecting! I am pregnant! It still feels pretty surreal. I have a lot of worries and concerns because I'm used to things just not going our way, but I am trying my best to relax and enjoy this. I've been very lucky and haven't had any major symptoms. The thing that I have struggled with is my concentration. I really haven't been able to focus and my memory sucks! Which is why I haven't been able to write. So, for that I'm sorry.

When you don't write for a while, it really messes with you and things are slow going. I am proud to get this out, but I am making no promises for when the next chapter will get done. Please have patience with me.

Enjoy!

Trigger warning: chapter mentions eating disorder and self-harm

Chapter 8

"Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away"

One Republic

Like magnets, Edward's vibrant jade eyes zero in on mine. His expression is a mix of pity with a hint of remorse, and perhaps even the smallest sprinkle of fear. He knows he just fucked me over. Holding his gaze, I can distinctly feel the tension and discomfort building inside of him. With his recent acceptance and quite specific condition, he's all but thrown me to the wolves and he knows it.

"If you can get every single person on that little list of yours to say yes (…)"

Jesus.

He apparently has no idea that his sister is just about as subtle as a bull in a china shop and has absolutely no need for the extra incentive.

Sure, wave that red flag why don't you? Then sit back and enjoy the show as your sister carelessly obliterates everything around her. Christ.

Perhaps it's the amounts of alcohol in my system, or maybe it's due to the fact that I've just had the most wonderful day with a man I've been pining over for over for just about a decade… Whatever the reason, I'm determined not to let Edward's poor choice of words and Alice's badgering ruin the rest of my day. So, without even acknowledging her presence, I reach for my plastic cup and devour the final drops of this exquisite, sensual, and alluring beverage that I have had the utmost pleasure of creating. Focusing instead on the sweet and complex flavor flowing down my throat, I tip my cup in Edward's direction, sending him a wink and a saucy smile.

"I have had a wonderful time today, Edward, but I believe it's time for me to head home."

His vibrant eyes sparkle under an arched brow, almost as if he's checking to see if I really know what I'm doing. Both he and I know exactly how headstrong and somewhat impossible his sister can be when she has a goal in mind, and by ignoring her, I'm probably throwing fuel on her fire. Rolling my eyes subtly in his direction, I feel my cheeks heat and my heart skip a beat as the sexiest half-smile slowly spreads across his lips. With the slightest nod, he takes a small step closer, brushing his fingers over mine as he takes the plastic cup from my hands.

"Absolutely."

There's a husky tinge to his voice that sends a thrill of anticipation down my spine.

"I'll go get my truck."

I consider arguing for a moment, reminded by our fun banter when I first arrived, but as I feel the earth sway ever so slightly, I realize that I am in no shape to drive. Edward's smile widens when I simply accept his proposition. Instead of leaving right away, however, he places my cup on the table, remaining close next to me almost as a show of support. Unfortunately, I'm unable to fully enjoy this rare moment of proximity, because his "darling", little sister is apparently over the fact that she's been ignored.

"I'm sorry, it appears that perhaps you didn't hear me."

There's a bite to Alice's voice that I recognize from all those times she completely overran me with new demands for the Farmer's Ball, and I realize that there's no way she'll let me leave here without having me agree to help her. Feeling my good mood sour at her almost condescending tone, I quickly square my shoulders, taking a deep and calming breath as I reluctantly turn my attention towards her. Beside me I hear Edward release a dejected sigh of his own, and I get the sense that he is about to admonish her for her behavior. The annoyed and surly look Alice shoots his way, ignites a fiery blaze of something fiercely protective and overwhelmingly powerful within me. Before I can even begin to consider my actions, I reach out and boldly curl my fingers around Edward's large hand to stop him, at the same time as I turn my body to face the thunder.

Once again, my sudden bravery may be due to the of amounts of cider in my system, or it could be the fact that I had some practice standing up to her the night before at the Ball. Whatever the reason, I'm suddenly filled with a fierce determination to take her on and put an end to her insistent bullying once and for all. If she genuinely wants to build lasting connections and involve the local businesses here in Forks and Port Angeles, she needs to make a few important changes to her leadership style going forward, if not she won't stand a chance.

After an incredible day with Edward, there is nothing I want more than for her to succeed by putting the Cullen Farm on the map as a lasting and successful wedding venue. If the farm was able to increase its revenue by hosting and planning events, then perhaps Edward might feel comfortable enough to pursue his own dreams and make some radical changes. However, if Alice continues to treat people the way she did, barking out orders left and right while constantly changing her mind, well… She wouldn't only be alienating herself from the farming community, but she'd most likely drag her entire family's good reputation with her. And I wasn't about to let that happen.

Staring her down, I watch as her grey-green eyes widen ever so slightly with surprise before she quickly masks it, expertly changing her expression to one of complete and utter innocence. Honestly, it's quite fascinating to watch how quickly she's able to switch gears, doing everything she can to manipulate the situation in her favor. Edward's fingers tighten ever so slightly around mine, reminding me of his presence and reassuring me that I'm not alone in this. Goosebumps ripple across my skin when his thumb slowly begins to move, creating delicious circles as he gently caresses my hand. Unfortunately, I'm unable to fully appreciate and enjoy his touch, because yet again, Alice's now sugary sweet voice, demands my complete and undivided attention.

"Bella, can you imagine how amazing it will be to see your incredible creations on the glossy pages of Brides Magazine."

I recognize the persuasive and overly enthusiastic voice she uses as she paints a beautiful picture that will ensure that I say yes. It was the same technique she used when she managed to convince me to help her with the Farmer's Ball. It's strange how she now reminds me quite vividly of some conniving spider, expertly trying to lure its prey into its shiny new web.

Yeah, I'm not falling for her sweet promises this time.

Squaring my shoulders, I boldly meet her gaze, but don't respond audibly, mirroring her over-the-top fake grin instead. Clearly not expecting this reaction, Alice blinks and hesitates for a second, as if she's trying to decide what she should do next. After a slight pause, she continues, rummaging through some of her papers as she gets ready to bring on her demands.

"Now, I've been doing some research and I think the best-."

And there my opening.

"No."

Shocked silence followed by a look of utter disbelief and absolute bewilderment, sends a rush of pride through me.

God, that felt good.

Behind me I hear Edward mask his snicker with a fake cough as his sister opens and closes her mouth a few times much like a fish out of water. I almost feel sorry for her, but then I'm reminded of the hell she put me through, and I simply brush it off. Once again, Alice masterfully manages to mask her insecurities, this time with an expression of utmost confidence that quite honestly sets my teeth on edge. Shaking her perfects locks away from her face, she peers down her nose at me and laughs condescendingly before she continues.

"Bella, perhaps I wasn't clear earlier. I'm offering you an incredible opportunity to showcase your skills as a chef. Millions of people will see your work. With a little help from me, I know we can come up with something truly magnificent for the photoshoot. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if a line of restaurant owners come hunting you down afterwards wanting to whisk you away to some glamorous high-end restaurant."

Alice giggles with over-the-top glee, but instead of answering her right away, I'm distracted by the fact that I feel Edward stiffen beside to me. Keeping my eyes locked on Alice's, I boldly interlace our fingers, securing this strange and intimate connection we've had building between us all day. Worrying for a moment if I've overstepped my bounds, I feel my shoulders drop with an overwhelming sense of relief when he returns my touch by lightly squeezing my hand and tightening his grip around mine. Unable to hold back a small smile at his response and the sense of elation I feel from finally being brave enough to touch him like this, I watch as Alice zeros in on our joined hands. Interestingly enough, her eyes simply widen ever so slightly with the barest hint of surprise before she carefully returns her gaze back to mine. Beside me I feel Edward's body relax once more and it doesn't take long for his thumb to return to its previous dance as it affectionately moves across my skin.

Taking a moment to clear my voice, I finally give her a piece of my mind.

"I don't need, nor particularly want, that kind of publicity, Alice."

There's a subtle twitch near her right eye and I realize that she is desperately trying to hide her rising panic. She needs me to pull this off and both she and I know it.

"What are you talking about? Of course, you need the publicity!" she all but shrieks.

"You can't honestly be satisfied with running a little coffeeshop here in Forks for the rest of your life!"

Anger surges up inside of me like a cup of boiling milk at her poor choice of words and bullheaded arrogance. Biting down hard on the inside of my cheek, I do what I can to keep myself in check, knowing that I need to remain calm if I'll ever stand a chance at getting through to her. Edward, however, doesn't share my conviction.

"ALICE!" he scolds harshly while taking a threatening step in her direction.

Tightening my hold on his hand, I'm able to stop him before he gets too close, but it's clear that his little sister couldn't care less. Her lack of reaction only fuels Edward's rage and I'm surprised when she has the nerve to speak against him like some snotty teen.

"Please, Edward, not everyone is like you," she purses her lips in disgust before continuing, "willing to give up their hopes and dreams for some stupid sense of duty."

This time I'm forced to press the palm of my other hand against his wide chest and physically step in between them to make him stop. His chest moves up and down at a rapid pace beneath my fingers and I come to a quick conclusion that this must be a reoccurring argument between these two siblings. I can't imagine Edward reacting this strongly if there wasn't something more behind it. Keeping my body all but plastered against his, I patiently wait for him to calm down enough to meet my gaze. The feel of him against me immediately awakens a cascade of sensual memories that my somewhat intoxicated brain is powerless to stand up against.

Overwhelming heat.

His hard body brushing deliciously against mine.

A large palm cupping my left breast as his hot tongue…

Edward's fingers tighten around my hand, dragging me back to reality with the subtlety of an ice-bath. His curious and way too perceptive eyes sweep across my face, taking in everything from my slightly flushed complexion to my half-lidded and lusty gaze.

Shit.

Taking a large step away from him, I feel that familiar sense of embarrassment and uncertainty wash over me like some mighty tidal wave taking with it every ounce of confidence or bravery that I might have. Removing my hand from his chest, I look everywhere but in his direction. The fear of him knowing the true extent of my emotions becomes all that I can think about, crippling any other thought, rational or not.

"Bella?" his voice is achingly soft, but it's the feel of his thumb lightly caressing my skin which immediately soothes some of that overwhelming fear. Looking down at our joined hands, I'm mesmerized by how small my fingers are in comparison to his and yet how perfectly they fit together. There's a gentle tug and I hesitantly allow myself to be led back to my original position, at his side.

"I apologize if I offended you, this is such an incredible opportunity and I just want what's best for every-."

I lift a hand to silence her, biting my bottom lip as I force myself to glance upwards to meet Edward's vibrant gaze instead. Finding the support and reassurance that I need; I feel my confidence slowly begin to return. Squeezing his hand in a show of gratitude, I nod my head and send him a small smile.

"I think I've monopolized enough of your time for one day."

It's clear he's about to argue, so I quickly continue.

"Your sister and I need to talk."

A stunned silence fills the air as Edward carefully considers my request. My heart leaps excitedly around in my chest like some ping-pong ball when his thick brows tighten, and he leans forward ever so slightly to lock eyes with mine.

"Are you sure?"

My mouth immediately feels drier than the Sahara Desert as I react to his intense glare, but I'm able to manage a weak nod to confirm my decision. Edward releases a sharp breath, the air flowing deliciously over my face. Clenching his jaw, he pierces me with a sharp look.

"I'll be right outside in the orchard. Find me when you're done."

The indisputable authority in his tone sends a ripple of pleasure through me, but I do my best to ignore it, forcing what I hope is a reassuring and confident smile to my lips instead. Edward arches a suspicious eyebrow in my direction as though he can see right through me, however, he doesn't say anything and quickly abides by my request. Slowly untangling his fingers from mine, he lingers for a beat of a second, an unfamiliar expression flashing across his face, before he abruptly turns on his heel and leaves the room.

Stretching my fingers, it's almost as if I can still feel his touch, but there's an emptiness and a chill to the room now that wasn't there earlier. Without looking in her direction, I busy myself for a moment stacking the empty plastic cups before I take the platter of cheeses and other goodies bringing it with me as I walk over to where she's standing.

"You hungry?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

Alice releases an annoyed huff, clearly frustrated by my lack of acceptance, but simply shakes her head. Placing the large stack of papers and magazines on a nearby table with a loud thump, she crosses her arms protectively around her front, her grey-green eyes steely and determined.

"Bella-," she begins, using that same a condescending tone that really rubs me the wrong way.

"No, Alice," I cut her off, pleased to find that my voice is steady and calm.

Once again, I see that my refusal makes her cringe. It's clear that Princess Alice isn't exactly accustomed to the word "no".

"What do you mean, no?!" she shrieks.

"Certainly, you of all people can appreciate what an amazing opportunity this is!"

The look in her eyes is frantic, border lining to the brink of madness.

I bite the inside of my cheek once again to remind myself to remain calm. Thankfully, Alice must recognize something in my expression because she surprisingly shuts up for a breath of a second and gives me a chance to speak.

"How serious are you about this venture?" I ask, curious to hear her answer.

If she wasn't flustered before, she sure is now?

"Wha-?" she begins, but I effectively interrupt her, popping a grape in my mouth as I jump up onto the table to get off my feet for a second.

"Just answer the question, Alice."

Her eyes fly to the ceiling and she soon begins to fidget, walking a few steps back and forth before she finally faces me to give me her answer.

"I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't serious."

"So, if New York suddenly calls, you wouldn't leave your brother and the family farm in the lurch?"

Her eyes widen at my words and sharp tone, but there's also a hint of longing in her expression as she temporarily forgets to mask her real emotions. Averting my gaze, I shake my head in disappointment and release a sad sigh.

I guess there's my answer.

"No-," Alice begins, but pauses for a moment, as if she's lost for words.

I keep my eyes fixed on the floor, wondering if I should just stand up and leave.

"I loved my life in New York," her voice is softer than usual, wistful even.

"But there were certain things that-," her voice breaks off again.

"I can't ever go back."

This time I can't help but meet her gaze, searching her expression carefully to see if she's really telling the truth.

"Do I miss my life there? Yes. Do I want to go back? Absolutely, but I can't okay. So, yes, I am all in."

I'm actually pleased to see the spark of fire in her eye.

Jumping down from the table, I take a step towards her.

"If you want me to help you with this, you need to back the fuck off," I tell her, deciding that painful honesty might be the best way to get my opinions across.

Her startled expression is almost comical, but I know I need to stand firm and not let it distract me. She clenches her jaw and begins to shake her head.

"Bella, you have to understand-."

"No, you have to understand something."

She bites her bottom lip, forcing herself to let me finish.

"Doing business here in Forks is nothing like New York, or in any other big city for that matter," I pause.

"If you really want people in this community to help, you have to stop micromanaging and start trusting us," I pause. "I am excellent at what I do, and I have a great team behind me and a long line of suppliers that will help pull this outrageous thing off even though we have less than a week to do so. But I won't do it if you keep on interfering."

This time Alice remains silent, her carefully constructed mask cracking under the pressure, revealing a vulnerability and fear I know that she's desperately trying to hide. Alice needs me to pull this off, and the fact that I'm aware of this; gives me both leverage and a whole lot of power in our relationship. Alice looks away, clearly distraught by the sudden change of events. Tightening her arms over her chest, I can't help but notice how she bounces ever so slightly from the backs of her heels to the tips of her toes. I recognize the movement and realize that she's trying to calm the storm of panic brewing inside of her.

"What do you expect me to do, Bella? This is my reputation on the line here; my meticulously laid plans; my name!" she takes a deep breath before she continues, her voice shaky.

"This is an internationally acclaimed magazine, not some local run-down bridal show. These people expect perfection, and I will do whatever it takes to give them exactly that."

I bite back a harsh remark and redirect my eyes to the ceiling for a second before I feel calm enough to face her.

"I understand the need for control, Alice, believe me, I get it. But there's no way you'll be able to pull this off in less than a week if you don't make a rather major adjustment to your leadership skills."

Alice turns away, clearly trying to get a hold of herself.

I make sure to soften my voice when I continue.

"Have you even thought about what you want to happen after the photo-shoot is over?"

She whirls back to face me, her eyes vibrant with simmering frustration.

"Of course, I have! Didn't you hear my conversation with Edward? The spread in Brides Magazine would be a steppingstone for us. A chance to do something new and exciting at the farm!"

The passion in her voice reminds me in many ways of Edward and our conversation earlier, perhaps Alice really does have her heart in the right place.

"Then you need to make sure that you create partnerships and positive connections with the people you want to work with here in Forks and Port Angeles. You can't overrun them like you usually do."

She rolls her eyes at me, but I can see that I've gotten through to her.

"Fine. I'll-," she takes a breath and it's clear that the next few words pain her to say.

"I'll stop micro-managing and start trusting people."

I can't hold back a smile at the way she almost spits out the words.

"Now will you please just agree to help me?!" she all but begs, placing both hands on her hips as she practically vibrates where she's standing.

Studying her for an additional moment, I'm struck by an idea that I simply can't shake. Although I get the distinct feeling that Jasper won't exactly support my decision to do this, I decide that I have nothing to lose.

"I have one more condition."

Alice's mouth drops open as though she can't believe what she's hearing, but she doesn't say anything.

For the first time since we started this conversation, I'm struck by a rise of nerves. I really don't know if this is the right move, in fact, after what Jasper warned me about in my session earlier, it probably isn't, but for some reason I can't shake the urge to at least try.

"I saw you last night," I blurt out.

"In the alley."

The unmistakable fear in Alice's eyes makes me hesitate, but she quickly does what she can to hide it. Her fake laughter reveals how in denial she is and the tension I recognize in her limbs proves that I've hit a nerve.

"I'd been feeling a little off all day, Bella. It was nothing, really," she tries, but I think even she can hear the slight shake in her voice.

"Yeah? And how often is it that you feel the need to throw up, Alice?"

She doesn't answer.

Returning to the table, I pick up the platter and carry it towards her. I can feel the tension and discomfort roll off her in waves.

"So, if I asked you to stuff your face with cheese and crackers, you wouldn't immediately go and throw it up as soon as you felt safe enough to do so."

Once again, she doesn't say a word.

I sigh, placing the platter back on the table.

"Yes, I'll help you, Alice and I don't want to force you to do anything that you don't want to," I pause, finding my bag where I know I have stashed a few of Jasper's business cards.

"I recognize the pain, you know?"

Her eyes fly to mine, and this gives me hope.

"Food was always my happy place, but I found another outlet of the chaos brewing inside."

Pushing up the edge of my light sweater I turn over my wrist and reveal my very first tattoo carefully placed just below my elbow. Holding it up into the light, I hear her breath catch at the exact moment when she sees the neat rows of scars hidden beneath the black ink.

"For years I thought I that by doing this this I was in control. It made me feel good, you know?"

Her face is completely blank, revealing absolutely nothing.

"One particularly rough day, though, I messed up."

Flipping over my other wrist, I allow the row of bracelets to fall back, uncovering a single white scar just above my pulse point. Studying Alice carefully, I watch as her eyes widen ever so slightly with shock as she desperately tries to hide her wince.

"Yeah, it isn't pretty."

I send her a ghost of a smile, and gently rub my thumb over the subtle rise directly over my scar.

"It represents some of the darkest days in my life, but it also marks an important turning point," I pause.

"By ending up in the hospital, my cover was blown. I couldn't hide my issues any longer and I started getting help."

I don't tell her how long it took or the struggles I went through until I finally began to make my way out of the darkness. Releasing a sigh, I pull out the crisp white card from my bag.

"You may not be ready to accept that you have a problem, Alice, but for the sake of your family, if not for yourself-," my voice breaks, but I know I need to make sure I don't push too hard.

Placing Jasper's card on top of her stack of papers and magazines, I leave her with my very last plea.

"Here's the contact information for a therapist I've been seeing. He doesn't live in Forks, but he has an office near the park and he's there a few times a week. He's a great guy, Alice, and an excellent therapist. What do you have to lose?"

Leaving her to her thoughts, I slowly make my way out the door.