Charlie had let Bella skate through the annual "Fuck Thanksgiving", leaving her home to brood while he spent the holiday with Billy and Jake as usual. Determined to bring her back to life a little bit, Charlie came home with a new tree and almost everything they could possibly need to decorate it with the next day. When Bella reminded him that they hadn't needed one the year before, he harrumphed, called her a killjoy, and fumbled through the fridge for a beer. The front door flew open and revealed a smiling, happy Jacob Black. He swooped in for a hug and planted a kiss on the top of her head.
"Where the hell have you been," he asked and pulled Bella in for a second hug.
"Alright, Jake. You can hug her later. Come help me with your old man." Charlie headed outside to start pulling Billy up the steps. Jacob smirked and asked Charlie to step aside. He pulled Billy into the house on his own with ease. Bella could see by the look on Charlie's face that he was as stunned as she was. Jake pulled his coat off, and his t-shirt underneath was skin-tight. The muscles in his back were well defined. Bella watched in surprise as Jake hung first his coat and then Billy's.
"Ern... Jake. You're like, buff. How did that happen?" she asked, and they all chuckled.
"I'm just filling out, Bella. It wouldn't seem so drastic if we hung out more", Jake said pointedly. Billy and Charlie exchanged a glance, and both made their way into the kitchen silently.
"Charlie drag you two over to force me to socialize?" she asked Jacob.
"Yes, yes, he did," he returned, chuckling. "But... you and I were long overdue to hang out." Jake side-eyed her at first before noticing the new Christmas tree box on the floor. "You want some help putting this sucker up?" He asked excitedly and beamed another smile her way.
"Absolutely," she said but thought better of it and called for Charlie. "Mind if Jake helps with the tree?"
"Knock yourselves out," Charlie said, lifting his beer can towards them in a "cheers" motion.
Jake pulled out his pocket knife, opened the box. and dumped the contents on the floor. Bella watched this in awe again. Charlie had huffed and puffed while pulling that box inside. Jake sat down on the floor and began putting the color-coated pieces into the correct holes. Bella started to grab some branches, and he snatched them from her.
"I got the tree part. Wanna pull out the lights and make sure the strands all work?" She shook her head with a chuckle.
"You're like a kid in a candy store right now," Bella said and started opening boxes of multi-colored lights.
"I used to love doing this with Rachel when we were little," Jake said.
"Not with Rebecca?" she asked.
"She wasn't into it," he shrugged. "Rachel and I always dove into the holiday things together. Beck always said she and I should have been the twins instead since our personalities were so similar."
"Somehow, I doubt that a little," Bella said quietly.
He narrowed his eyes at her. "What do you mean by that?"
"There's no one like you except you, Jake," she said. "You're unique." Bella hadn't realized until that moment how much she had missed his presence.
"Don't get all mushy on me now," he said, and they both laughed.
In no time at all, they had the artificial tree put together, decorated with shiny red ornaments, candy canes, and lit up. Though lacking a star for the top, the tree was lovely otherwise.
Once again, snow was softly falling while they had ignored the outside world. Jacob turned out the living room lights to better appreciate the tree. The room had a soft reddish glow, and they wrapped the new tree skirt carefully around the base. Jacob laid down on the floor in front of the tree, his head underneath the lowest branches. Bella started adding stray strings of tinsel to the tree. She leaned into the branches and looked down at him. He winked up at her, and she laughed.
"Come here, Bells," he called and motioned for Bella to lay beside him. She carefully did so and turned to face upward into the tree like he was doing.
"We use a fake tree, too. It's old, missing a few branches somehow. Mom had bought it when I was a kid. We tried to have a real tree one year, and it was a disaster." Jacob said, grinning.
"What happened?" Bella asked.
"Well, for one, they let Rachel pick out the tree," Jacob said. "She was in this weird princess phase and liked things to be poofy," He explained. "Dad had to take the doors off the frames to get it into the house and even then he barely got it in. Some of the branches were stripped of their needles. They were everywhere." Jacob laughed loudly. "Everything was put into place finally, and we started decorating this tree. It was great. There were big ornaments, white lights, and tinsel everywhere. Rachel and I spent hours stringing huge strings of popcorn to put on the tree. After a few days, some of the popcorn was gone, and ornaments had broken. Mom kept accusing me of playing with stuff on the tree. One night I laid under it just like this," Jacob paused, laughing again. "The next thing I know, there are two little eyes staring back at me. It was a squirrel, Bells," He said and crowed with laughter. "There were two squirrels nesting in this tree. It was so big and thick that we didn't even know. This little squirrel breaks out, ransacks the whole living room."
By the time Jacob was done with his story, Bella's sides ached from laughter.
For a moment afterward, they laid in silence and all was still.
"So, what are we doing now?" she finally asked.
"Appreciating, Bells," he said and reached for her hand. Their fingers entwined as they always seemed to do eventually, and the two lay in silence, staring up into the lights. For just a moment, the hole in Bella's heart seemed to close. Her joy was genuine. She had forgotten what it was like to feel whole. The sparkling lights and tinsel all at once reminded Bella of the sun bouncing off of Edwards skin, his copper hair a fiery red in the sunlight. She tried to envision what Alice would have done to the Cullen house for the holiday season and was failing miserably. It would have been ostentatious, no doubt. She couldn't hold back the onslaught of tears that blurred her vision.
"What's wrong?" Jacob asked. She turned her head to face him. Still holding one of her hands with his, he reached over with the other to cup her cheek. Jacob wiped a tear from her face with his thumb. His eyes conveyed so much genuine concern and love that she gasped. A sob tore from her throat, and, overwhelmed, she was finding it hard to breathe. Jacob pulled Bella up with him into a sitting position, tenderly placing her onto his lap. His arms wrapped around Bella's waist while she buried her face into the crook of his shoulder and sobbed.
Charlie heard the familiar sound from the kitchen and walked into the living room, appearing worried and suddenly very tired. Jacob never let go of Bella, rubbing one hand up and down her back in an attempt to comfort her. Charlie raised an eyebrow in question. Jacob shrugged his shoulders in silent response. Bella straightened up in his lap and began wiping tears away furiously.
"I'm okay," she said quietly and hiccuped. Charlie turned his face heavenward and walked back out of the room. The opening of another beer can, Bella's hiccups and the kitchen radio turning up were the only sounds in the house for a while. Eventually, his conversation with Billy resumed, and Bella leaned back against Jacob. She was not completely oblivious to the fact that she was in Jacob's lap, but she needed to feel his warmth and comfort for another minute before she was ready to move. He held her against his chest and gently placed a kiss against her temple while brushing her hair away from her face.
"Are you okay," He nearly whispered. "Really?"
"Yes," she said, followed by another hiccup.
"What made you so upset, Bells?" he asked. Bella turned to look up into his face, nowhere near ready for the affection she saw there.
Jacob was staring at Bella the way he used to. And, Jacob was beautiful.
Now, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that she was in Jacob's lap, she scrambled to the floor, pulling her knees up toward her chest. Despite this, she subconsciously grabbed for his hand again, gripping onto it tightly.
"Are you going to talk to me?" Jacob asked. "You know you can speak to me about anything, Bells. I'm here for you, no matter what."
"Please don't make me promises, Jake," Bella said a little too sharply, lifting her eyes to his face. He gaped at her as if she had slapped him, and suddenly there was a new kind of tension between them.
"I'm not him, Bells," Jake whispered with genuine hurt in his voice. "I won't lie to you. I won't ever hurt you. I'm nothing like him."
Bella stifled back a fresh sob and wiped her eyes again. It was her Jacob in question, she thought, and he was right. He never judged her or made her feel like shit for being herself. He had accepted her as she was their entire lives, never greeting her with anything but affection. That Jacob, however, had no idea what kind of shit she had gotten herself in. He didn't know how damaged she was now. Bella subconsciously rubbed the crescent-shaped scar on her wrist and remained silent. Sometimes it was as if the sadness impaired her ability to speak. It took all of her willpower to remember to breathe.
"Please don't push me away, Bells," Jake said. "Let me be here for you."
Bella sighed and got to her feet.
"I can't, Jake. Not yet."
"Bells..." he began before she cut him off.
"Maybe soon, okay?" She stared him in the face again, silently imploring him not to push it. "I'm not ready to talk about things yet." Jacob stood up and pulled her in for another hug.
"That's fair," he said quietly. "Just don't shut me out, okay? Whatever happened, he has obviously broken promises and left you feeling broken down. I'm not him, though. I'm never going to be him. You have been one of my best friends my entire life, Bella. I'll be ready to listen when you're ready to talk to me."
Bella's heart soared as she listened to his reassuring speech, and she couldn't help but smile gratefully..
"Thank you, Jake," she said. "I know that I can trust you. It's not about that."
"What is it about, then," he asked.
"When I'm ready, I'll tell you," she reaffirmed. She hesitated for a moment before throwing her arms around Jacob, pressing her forehead against his chest. "I missed you," she whispered. "I'm sorry." Jacob gently cupped her face, guiding her to look at him.
"You've done nothing to be sorry for," he said seriously and kissed her forehead. She sighed and melted into him, allowing herself to calm down.
The radio in the kitchen still played. The quiet dialogue mixed with loud bursts of merriment pouring from the room indicated that both Charlie and Billy were a couple of beers in, now. Bella switched on a movie and sat on the sofa. Jacob followed and sat beside her. He held up his arm, and Bella folded into his side, tucking her feet under her. They both tried watching the movie, but his body heat and her mental fatigue soon had Bella sleeping deeply against his side.

She woke to the sound of Billy and Charlie getting ready to leave, intending to see Harry and Sue for a bit. Jake looked up at them expectantly, preparing for Bella to pull away from him.
"Do I need to ride with and walk to the house from Sue's?" Jake asked. His voice sounded disappointed.
"I can take you home if you want, Jake," Bella said, yawning. "Is that okay, Billy? Dad?"
"That's up to Jacob, I think," Billy chuckled.
"How about we drop you kids off at Billy's for a while, and you can just ride home with me later on," Charlie suggested.
"Dad, I can totally drive," Bella said defensively. "It's just a little snow out there."
"Mmhmm," Charlie said, doubt plain on his face.
"Teenagers don't want to ride in a cop car all the time, Chief," Billy said and laughed. "Let Jake drive. If the roads are slick later, you guys can just leave the truck at the house."
"Good plan," Charlie agreed. Bella rolled her eyes at them both while Jake quietly chuckled over her frustration.
"Is this some kind of 'women can't drive in the snow' bullshit?" Bella asked.
"No, it's a 'Bella is a giant klutz and shouldn't cuss at her ole man if she doesn't want to be grounded' bullshit," Charlie said and snickered.
"Fair enough, I guess," she said and grabbed her coat. She tossed Jacob's to him, slid her arms into her own, and pulled Jake out the door behind her by his hand. Bella hopped in the driver's side of the truck and slid to the middle of the seat, trembling with the cold. Jake fired the ignition and pulled out of the drive, not even making it to the stop sign before she was buried into his side again for warmth.
"Are you running a fever, Jake?" she asked. He laughed.
"Nope. Just hot-blooded, I guess. I've been getting asked that a lot lately, though."
"Don't kids get fevers with growth spurts?" Bella teased and giggled.
Jacob smirked. "Do I look like a kid to you?"
She drew away to look him over again and had to admit that he certainly would never pass for his actual age. She was mesmerized by the sharp pull of muscles in his jaw and neck when he swallowed restlessly under her brief scrutiny. Bella felt that easy rush of heat to her cheeks and buried her face back into his shoulder.
"No," she whispered. "You clearly do not look like a kid."
"Well, that's good. I haven't exactly been one in a long time." Jake said, revealing just a hint of bitterness.
"Same," she said, and they both laughed. "I've been really selfish lately, Jake. I haven't checked on you or called..."
"You've checked on me plenty," Jake argued. "You send food to us all the time. I get to use your computer for homework, though you're never home when I do." Jacob chuckled. "That's enough to show that you care, Bells."
Bella scoffed in disagreement. She'd known Jacob used her computer on occasion. He would leave her little notes tabbed to the screen every time. Somehow it always seemed to time perfectly with one of Edward or Alice's plans. She was rarely home by the time Jacob and Billy arrived, though she'd leave dinner for them and Charlie on occasion. "I don't even know why you want to be my friend, Jacob," she said and turned her attention to the road. The drive had flown by, and they were already turning into his driveway. He put the truck in park and turned it off, shifting his body to face her.
"I will always be your friend, Bells," He said with conviction.
"I asked you not to make any promises," Bella said, staring down at her hands.
"It's not a promise. I don't need to make promises for what I know is true." He cupped her face gently with one of his hands. His long fingers brushed her cheek lightly, though the tips of them felt rough against her skin. When she wouldn't look at him, he leaned down to make eye contact with her instead.
"You are an important person in my life, Bella. I won't abandon you."
"You can't possibly know that, Jacob," Bella said and leaned back against the seat. What little heat left in the small space was quickly fading. Her teeth started to chatter, and he laughed.
"Yes, I can. Now let's get you inside, honey. You're becoming a Bella popsicle," he said, opening the door. Bella leaped out of the truck, and he stretched back for her hand. The two went inside, curled up on the sofa with snacks, and watched movies until their fathers got home. Jacob hadn't pushed more for Bella to confide in him. Instead, he sat with his arm encompassing her in silence, placing the occasional peck to her forehead, holding her hand, and allowing her the opportunity to be satisfied with his caring presence. It was just what she had needed for months. Bella went home that night in the cruiser with Charlie. Jacob offered to drive her truck over and pick her up the next morning so they could hang out again. Bella could tell Charlie was a little smug about her elevated mood, but she was too at peace to mind. She went to bed that night in Jake's t-shirt, the one she had stolen back from him on his birthday almost a year before. For the first time in weeks, she slept without the bad dreams that rent her awake in a cold sweat with a scream dying on her lips.

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