DOUBLE CHAPTER TODAY! I just thought chapter 7 was too loose to let it like that, and if I joined it with chapter 8 it would have been too long, probably.

Anyway, enjoy!

ONE MINUTE

CHAPTER 8: DECISIONS.

After the news of possible memory recovery, or memory-self-erased, Eleazar decided to provide a brief distraction by sharing his theory about Bella's power.

"I think you have the power to block certain mental powers. I don't have a lot of information to actually affirm it. But seeing as you could block Edward, I assume you are some kind of shield." Carlisle had thought about what Eleazar had said. "I think, you used your own shield, unconsciously, to protect yourself."

"That's ironic" she said out loud without meaning to. Eleazar laughed lightly and padded her knee affectionately.

"But we only have Edward's experience to base your theory." Pondered Carlisle. He had always thought that while she had some sort of power or gift, a shield wasn't one of them. Her mind was silent to Edward, but he thought it was going to be some other sort of mental protection, not a shield. That was highly interesting.

Eleazar shrugged. "I'm quite versed in your theory of bringing to this life what the human had in strength. I didn't know Bella while she was human. But you told me Alice and Jasper could always affect her, while Edward could never read her." They all nodded. "Maybe it's an overstretch. But Bella's power comes from kindness. She doesn't sense any dangerous intentions on Jasper or Alice's powers. While Edward's is an intrusion into the privacy. The mind is a tricky thing. Maybe her mind was protecting itself. It's thoughts, dreams, memories." Carlisle gave it some consideration.

Bella had read somewhere that trauma could lead to some mental issues. Probably a sort of PTSD. What if her memory loss was the vampire version of PTSD from James' attack. Her mind's way of protecting her. It might mean it was blocking away the trauma and the pain. Did she want to bring all that back, to get her memories back? She could tell that the Cullens wanted her to recover, despite what Edward had said a few days ago about them not minding it.

Edward was the one who suffered the most (aside from her) with this development. She had fallen in love with him in this short time. Could she bring all that back? Alice told her the attack hadn't been pretty, and that they almost lost her. If James hadn't had bitten her, and had they still arrived at the same time they had, she would have probably died, or suffered major injuries that were very little believable under a cover story. She had some thinking to do.

While she pondered that, Alice had a similar battle within herself. Did she want to remember her time at the asylum? Her human life? It hadn't sound pretty when she read the files. She had gathered enough information to know that she was basically tortured, probably electroshocked as well. Did she want to remember the kind doctor that took pity on her and changed her? It all lead to James. He had said that after the doctor changed her, James killed him. Had she witnessed that? He had called her the one who got away.

The ones who got away. That phrase was on repeat. But was it true or was it just to mess with her head, and Bella's? She was happy now, with her family, her husband. She had a bright future ahead of her. She didn't want to know. After she made that choice she felt as if a weight had been lifted of her shoulders. Certainly, she didn't want to know. She was happy now, and there was no point in removing the past. Her family was most likely dead now, so what was the point?

Rosalie was another one whose mind started working a mile a minute. She had defined herself as the girl who got raped and left for dead. She had let that event defined her, living in anger, holding a grudge against her abusers. A grudge against Carlisle for changing her into something unchangeable. Did she want to let go of the anger and the fear and the hatred towards something that marked such an important part of her life? She thought about how many women out there had gone through similar experiences and how they continued living, thriving, letting the world know that even if their bodies had been violated, they couldn't defeat them. How did they let go the anger, the resentment, the hatred, the sense of filthy hands on their bodies, of men parts, or objects on their bodies. How did they continued living with that experience. How did they thrive? How did they heal? It would seem unfair to all those women, for her to take the 'easy road' and simply forget all of that. She was who she was today because of that. But she didn't want the anger to define her, not anymore. She was sure that not everyone would agree with her, but if they had the opportunity to erase such a horrible event, some would take it, some wouldn't. But that was the beauty of free will. She decided for herself that if Kieran could indeed erase memories, she would volunteer as tribute to find out.

Edward was impressed by his two sisters. Two very different backgrounds, two very different experiences. But both of them down the same road of thinking. They would both choose to forget the trauma. Alice had chosen not to remember, whereas Rosalie had decided to forget. How could he ask Bella to remember the fear he was sure she felt at that Ballet studio. He didn't want her to suffer. He had been talking to her about her past, especially her parents. They were an essential part of her life and it seemed rude and traitorous to not talk to her about them. About the people who raised her into the beautiful and smart woman with whom he had fallen in love. He glanced at Bella and she smiled in response. He deeply desired to know what was she thinking. She tilted her head in the general direction of the forest. He might not be able to read her mind, but he didn't actually need to. He could read her just as easily. He stood up and announced that he and Bella were going out for a while. Everyone dispersed around the house and the general vaccinty of the surroundings. There was some thinking that needed to be done.

When they arrived to their destination Bella decided to bring up the subject. "You look upset."

He shook his head. "Not for the news themselves. I was thinking that I don't want you to suffer to recover some memories. That while very precious to me, are not worth all the pain that they might bring from the attack. I told you about the tape. It wasn't pretty." He shook his head but continued. "As I told you, I will support whatever you decide to do." No matter how painful it is, or if it kills him, he added to himself.

Bella took his face on her hands, gently stroking his cheeks and locking her eyes with his. He had such a beautiful heart. He tormented himself so much for things that were completely out of his control. Emmett had mockingly told her that he had a heroe complex and when something doesn't go the way he planned, he blamed himself. She had fallen in love with the man that told her about her parents, the little bit she had shared with him. He had attempted to teach how to play the piano, but she refused to learn because it seemed like a travesty that anyone but himself sat on that piano. He played beautifully, and whatever he played, he played with such passion that it reached the frozen heart. He loved his family deeply, despite how many pranks Emmett pulled on him, or how many mock battles he lost to Jasper. She had never said anything, but she had spied them through her window every time the three of them were on the yard. When she realised she liked Edward, she found herself spying more and more.

"I want to remember." Edward's golden eyes held such sadness. He opened his mouth to speak but she quickly put a hand on it to shut him up. "Listen to me. And remember what I'm about to tell you. You have taught me so many things in this past months. Things that seemed insane." She laughed. He smiled against her hand. "But there's one thing you did, that gives me absolute faith that I can handle whatever is blocked in my brain." She released his mouth.

"What did I do?" If his heart could beat again it would have probably fallen out of his chest by this point.

"You made me fall in love with you all over again. You were so patient, so caring, so absolutely annoying at times" he laughed " but you gave me my space, you respected my decisions, and most of all you concentrated on trying to recover my memories of the others, mostly underlying your feelings. I'm very observant, and Jasper printed all the pictures everyone had of us. I observed you, how you are with me, how you are when you think you're alone. When you're having this silent conversations with Alice that annoys Emmett. Or when you mock fight with Jasper. I see how caring you are with Esme. All those little things, made me fall in love with you." Edward smiled hugely, although overcome with emotion at everything she had said. She had told him she loved him, but not with so many words. "It's the certainty of those feelings that give me strength to withstand anything. As long as you're by my side I can stand anything."

He leaned down and instead of capturing her lips with his as she deeply wanted he engulfed her in a hug that brought venom tears to her eyes. It was so sweet. A reassurance of sorts that he wanted. "I love you so much." He whispered. "Not just your old self, but this version of you. It's like you're the same but at the same time different"

She nodded understanding his meaning. "I love you too." She gave the words back smiling brightly at the man in front of her. "The only issue now, is figuring out how the hell I will unblock my own brain."