Hi everyone! It's been a while but you can't rush your muse. Plus the world is a bit fucked so I wasn't feeling it.
However, I am back by unpopular demand to give you guys a chapter.
This chapter is dedicated to baby newts everywhere...
Please remember to comment, I love kudos but I also love hearing from you guys. Tell me if I made you feel things?
PS: Soon I will be leaving FFNET. All my fics can be found on AO3. I simply do not enjoy this platform anymore but I love you guys so come find me there.
Professor Dumbledore called for her early on a Sunday morning, he asked that she provide her with an update on her progress. He knew from his fellow Professors that she had been an exceptional pupil thus far, impressing the likes of Minerva or Professor Hunt. However, what he truly wished to know was her research into time travel and the possibilities that came with it. He could never admit so out loud but the idea of turning back the time and saving his sister and never having to have the fight that led to him losing all that he loved was very appealing to him, which was why Clytemnestra said "no."
She stood in front of him, hands behind her back, posture straight and chin up and defiantly informed him that she had no intention to share her research. "I had my future stolen by you, lives were stolen by you and should I give up the things that I found or will find then I know you will take whatever is left of us."
He still remembered the first time she sat across him, spinning her tales of horror, and looking at her with such coldness. He was haunted by things he was yet to do but knew himself enough that he did not question her account of the events. He also knew she was right, he wanted to go back too, he wanted to right his wrongs too and he didn't care at whose expense it had to be.
Upon their meeting, she did say that she would fight him if it came down to it, and so for now he would not insist on it further. However, there would come a time he would extract this knowledge from her. "Then do appraise me of other developments in your life."
Clytemnestra gave a faint smirk, a win for now albeit temporary. "I am excelling in my studies, I already started to cultivate good relationships with my peers and soon I shall take my rightful place. I have no requests of you at this time but soon I might, be prepared."
Dumbledore looked at her in curiosity since he had done much for her already. "I have opened up a vault for your name, given you money, books, and even obtained death certificates for your unborn parents as well as other things to assure your cover story will hold against scrutiny. What else could you ask of me, especially when you are far from giving."
She frowned ever so lightly, her tone harsh and to the point "I have given you many lives, be content with it."
He dismissed her with a simple hand gesture, as one might do a servant or a similar nuisance. Clytemnestra left and as she descended down the stairs was greeted by none other than James Potter and Sirius Black.
Both boys looked surprised to see her, but it was James that spoke. "I didn't know you had an appointment with Professor Dumbledore, is everything okay?"
Clytemnestra smiled at them both and placed a hand on James' shoulder as a means to comfort, "He wanted to make sure I was adjusting to Hogwarts and reminded me that help is available should I need it."
Sirius nodded in admiration. "Isn't he great?"
James looked at her in concern. "Well, are you?"
Clytemnestra chuckled softly, "Yes and yes. I think Dumbledore is a great wizard, and I am adjusting very well here. The curriculum is easier than I anticipated and the company I keep is very dashing." She touched one of Sirius' loose locks as she spoke the last line.
Sirius grinned and preened in confidence, being a creature of vanity. He wouldn't say that they were all friends, but he didn't mind her as much as he thought he was going to, and neither did the others. Something about her just made her so easy to like, even admire.
James nudged Sirius and pointed towards the stairs, "We have to go see the professor now, but we'll catch up soon."
She moved out of the way to allow them passage but spoke before they were halfway up the stairs, "Have either of you seen Remus?"
Both boys looked nervous then, and Sirius replied as nonchalant as possible. "He's visiting his aunt Ida; he'll be back on Monday."
Clytemnestra cursed inwardly but gave no indication that she questioned the lie she had just been told, she waved at the boys and made her way towards the Slytherin common room.
Harry had once told her that Remus' sick aunt Ida had been his go-to excuse to explain his monthly disappearances, the idea relating to Ida C. Arwen one of the first people to write about werewolves and their afflictions in wizarding literature. It was supposed to be an inside joke between them, that time of the month.
How could she have forgotten about the full moon last night? Her mind busy with her research she must've looked at the moon and not see, hear the howls of the shack, and not register it.
She felt angry at herself despite knowing there was not a single thing she could do to help but this was a beast she knew, helplessness always brought out anger in her. Clytemnestra hated this feeling, so out of control, so furious at the universe for not bending to her will.
Come tonight she would visit Remus at the infirmary, she knew that he always spent the day after tucked away at the care of Madam Pomfrey.
Narcissa settled down next to her on the couch and offered her a cup of mulled wine. "Clytemnestra, what troubles your mind this afternoon?"
Clytemnestra picked up the offered cup and enjoyed the subtle taste of cinnamon in her wine before speaking. "I know you'll think me foolish for even saying this, but I blame myself for not being able to save all the people that I lost, when I returned home that night and saw that everyone was dead, all but me. Never in my life had I felt that helpless, lost, and so angry…"
She placed a comforting hand over Clytemnestra's shoulder, then pulled her carefully towards herself. "I understand, and I don't think you are foolish, perhaps unjust in your treatment of yourself but certainly you are no fool."
Clytemnestra laid her head down over Narcissa's shoulder, and the other girl gently started to comb her hair, her perfectly manicured nails left a calming sensation behind as they scratched the skin. "I am grateful to you you know, to all of you. In my few weeks here, I have been more honest with myself than I had been for a while. It feels good to have friends again, it feels good to laugh again and to joke, but it also feels good to be angry again, to frown, to lean on someone else."
Narcissa planted a kiss upon her head. "You are such a broken creature; I admire your strength. There were times I too felt helpless, utterly heartbroken, and it was my friends that got me through. They helped me when I couldn't help myself. If you allow me, I would like to be that for you."
She sat up just a little bit so that she could look into the eyes of her mother, into that kind blue she always searched for in times of great need. "Narcissa Black, you already are."
Narcissa felt relieved, she couldn't explain why but ever since Clytemnestra arrived, she felt a strong connection towards the girl, it was almost as if they knew each other, and she had taken it upon herself to make sure Clytemnestra was taken care of.
She had a hard time about it at first, especially with Lucius' opinion of the girl but the more she got to know her the more Narcissa was convinced. There was much she admired about Clytemnestra, and whilst she had no evidence, she still trusted this girl. She saw through her, through her mask of perfection which seemed so similar to her own, and when Clytemnestra moved, she looked eerily like Narcissa.
Lucius also had made similar comments about how at times he felt like he knew her from before, how she raged like himself, and read like himself, and spoke the languages most dear to him. He suspected the girl of theft and was adamant about finding her secrets. Narcissa had told him that she would not stop him nor aid her but would stay impartial to it all. Even she was surprised by her own decision as she always took the side of the family, and Lucius had always been family.
Narcissa snapped out of her thoughts when Gilda Yaxley approached with Lucinda Talkalot. Both girls looked like they enjoyed a nice broom ride. "So, is this a private pity party or can we join?" Gilda asked, placing her broom to the side of the couch.
Clytemnestra returned to her spot on Narcissa's shoulder after placing her glass of mulled wine on the table, then she lifted her other arm to make room for Gilda. She nested herself there quickly, and Lucinda went to the other side of Narcissa to join in as well.
Lucinda looked at her in compassion and reached over Narcissa to hold Clytemnestra's hand. She felt strange pity and amazement towards this girl. She couldn't imagine what she'd do in her shoes. Most would crumble, she assumed but Slytherins did not.
For a while, they stayed like that, all thinking how precious of a gift it was to share a moment of such vulnerability, to be in the good and healing hands of friends, and to not feel fear for Slytherins did take care of each other and never would let anything bad happen.
Perhaps vicious in their ways, and evil in their words but Slytherins could burn it all for friends, for family and despite her short time with them, Clytemnestra was family.
Gilda jumped up in excitement and clapped her hands together. "Let's play some cards, it'll put us in a cheery mood."
They all straighten up after that suggestion, Narcissa offered to get them all some more wine, and Lucinda helped Clytemnestra set up the coffee table and the sitting arrangements. Gilda returned with classic cards, a box of chocolates, and a portable radio.
She placed the cards on the middle of the coffee table and sat down. She placed the radio at the corner and turned it on a nice romantic music station, she then opened the chocolates and started to pass them around. Around the same time Narcissa returned with four glasses floating behind her, all filled with wine and smelling delicious cinnamon. She sat down opposite of Gilda, and Clytemnestra sat down opposite of Lucinda.
Gilda started to deal the cards from the left, and she did so Clytemnestra felt her worries lessen. It was almost like the mundane simplicity of four schoolgirls playing cards had made the looming adult responsibilities and worries of war fade away. The innocence of it all left a sweeter taste in her mouth than the bitter and sharp cold of grief.
Only a few weeks ago every person she ever loved had died, and the war was still fresh in her mind, screams still echoed in her ears but as she laid her eyes on each girl, she thought to herself that perhaps everyone was not dead, perhaps they were yet to be forged.
That idea alone was enough to let hope blossom in her heart again, she would see those that she loved again, of that she was certain.
Clytemnestra smiled and revealed her winning hand. "Thank you all so much, you really made my afternoon all the more pleasant. I do grieve for the friends that I have lost, but I am ever grateful for the ones I am making."
Narcissa returned her smile approvingly and revealed her hand to show that it was she that just won the first round.
They played a few more hands after that, ate too much chocolate before supper, and sang along to some of the best and worst love songs of the era. In the end, they left the common room feeling a little bit tipsier, and a lot closer than before.
During supper, she sat right next to Augustus, who leaned and whispered to her ear. "I need to speak to you in private, are you free tonight?"
Clytemnestra shook her head slightly, "I have to visit a friend in the hospital wing but meet me at the astronomy tower at three-thirty am. We'll have ample privacy there."
He placed a kiss on her cheek and filled her goblet with juice before returning to his supper. There was a lovely conversation at the table, but Clytemnestra kept to herself mostly. Her cheer had returned to her, but she still thought of Remus all alone at the hospital wing.
Her eyes searched for the Marauders and found them huddled together at their table, talking amongst themselves and shoving food into their mouths in rapid succession. For a brief moment, her eyes met Sirius, he lifted his hand as in a sort-of wave, and she returned the gesture. Then just like that they were both pulled back to their own table conversations, their small but not-at-all forgettable moment fleeing them.
Supper ended and her table retired back to their common room. Narcissa opened a nice bottle of sherry for them to consume by the fire. She sprawled on the couch with her legs on Lysander's lap, he massaged her feet absentmindedly as they listened to Solan's retelling of a memory of his. It was a pleasant evening thus far, and the music played in the background like a lovely hum.
Lucius produced a chessboard and challenged Clytemnestra for a game, he looked pleasant enough, but she knew this to be another test of his. Chess was an intimate game of mind and if he couldn't break through with spells then he'd do so manually.
Clytemnestra rose from the couch and took a seat opposite of Lucius, she played as black and he as white. She knew his opening move long before he did, unbeknownst to him they had played this game many times before, after all, he had been her teacher.
Lucius seemed almost surprised at how quickly she responded to his movements, how much she seemed to anticipate his thoughts and strategies. It angered him and fascinated him at the same time. Had she entered his mind, succeeded where he had failed? But no. His mind was as clear as ever, and he refused to believe that this girl was far more clever than him. Cheating perhaps? But impossible, not while the entire common room watched them.
Both were very aggressive players, and whilst she learned the art of softness from Narcissa who could charm a room into submission with a look and smile, she had learned the art of taking from her father. Clytemnestra sacrificed her queen for greater appetites, cruel from a certain perspective, a declaration that no one was safe at her board.
Lucius ate the queen and made no sacrifices in turn. He saw right through her, a play he could have played himself at a different time.
This girl, she drove him mad.
It was a draw in the end, she called but he didn't follow, he enticed but she didn't fall. Lucius stood up from his seat calmly, and they shook hands although he squeezed a bit much and she smiled through it all as if she felt no hurt.
Her eyes turned to the old grandfather clock, and it chimed to let them know it was midnight. "I must depart for now, but it was a brilliant game, Lucius."
Lucius tilted his head, "Who taught you how to play?"
Clytemnestra smiled fondly; eyes focused on the answer right in front of her. "My father, he and I would play in his study for hours until Mother beckoned us to rejoin the living. My brother disliked chess, not because he wasn't good at it, but he found it boring I suppose, stationary. So, it was something my father and I shared alone."
He smiled for a moment, and it was genuine too. He had learned from his mother, and she and he played for hours too until Abraxas ruined it all. He always ruined things, but not for long…
Clytemnestra said her goodbyes to the others and left the common room. The road to the infirmary was mostly empty but she did meet the Slytherin prefects, and they allowed her passage. She also almost ran into that awful cat, but something must have distracted it as it ran the other way.
The infirmary was silent when she entered, Madam Pomfrey having retired to her chambers for the night. She moved through the many beds and came upon the one with curtains drawn, hidden at the back. She parted the curtains and saw Remus asleep, his figure looked frail and so tired.
She sat by the chair set beside his bed, then smiled at him as he opened his eyes and seemed very surprised to see her there. "What are you doing here?"
Clytemnestra laughed softly, "Visiting your aunt Ida obviously. How are you, Remus?"
He used his elbows to lift himself up into a more sitting position. "I am good, fucking confused but I am good, just tired."
She sighed in relief. "I come up here when I can't sleep, sometimes Madame Pomfrey gives me calming draught and some tea. She must've been really tired though; she usually waits for me a bit longer before retiring." She spanned the tale for his sake, but there was enough truth in it that it would hold up scrutiny.
Remus seemed relaxed after it, almost. "I'm sorry you can't sleep."
"I'm sorry I woke you up from yours." She patted his hand in a reassuring manner, "I don't intend to ask why, relax."
"How did you know about my aunt Ida?" Remus decided he would relax when he had all the answers.
"Sirius told me this morning; he is an exceptional liar that one. I only peaked because I was curious, and now I am satisfied, are you?"
Remus looked at her as if he were trying to discern her motives as if her eyes would reveal the secrets she had been keeping. He had admitted to his friends that he feared her, that she would somehow find his secret and do something terrible with it. James felt suspicious of her but didn't think she would harm them, in fact, he insisted she liked them more than a safe person was ought to. Sirius felt strange around her also, he said she was everything he was supposed to be, a perfect image of a pure-blood wizard yet she shattered every expectation of that in a single conversation. Peter feared her, he wasn't necessarily shy around her, but he said he didn't know how to feel around her.
He gave up. He knew he couldn't find these answers in a single moment and he felt so conflicted because it would be a lie to say he didn't feel safe around her. It would be a lie to claim he didn't enjoy her company. "Now that you interrupted my sleep, you have to entertain me."
Clytemnestra had few hours before she'd have to meet Augustus, so she was happy to oblige. "Move." She settled right next to Remus on the bed, her arm around his shoulder. "I used to know these two boys back in Durmstrang, they graduated now but they were excellent pranksters. One year, they got it bad with a teacher. She hated them and they hated her, so they came up with this swamp. Incredible magic, right outside her door. It flooded everything and the staff couldn't, or the most popular theory wouldn't get rid of it."
Remus chuckled softly, tired but invested in the story. "Did they get expelled?"
"Not by the school." Clytemnestra teased the beginnings of a new story.
"Tell me then."
Clytemnestra pretended to think about it for a second and got gently elbowed in the tummy for her troubles. "During their final year, right as the exams were happening, they set off an incredible amount of fireworks and flew off into the sunset. Haven't heard from them since but I like to think that they'll make a big comeback someday. When we least expect."
She waved her hand to create a small illusion of fireworks, Remus' eyes opened in glee and he smiled. "Woah, so beautiful. I think I'd like them. "He shook his head in disbelief. "Fireworks, that's one way to make an exit."
Clytemnestra told him a few more stories about Fred and George, changing few details but remaining true to their spirit. Her relationship with the twins was non-existent beyond the pranks they pulled on the general public, but she still admired them from afar. They had excellent magical understanding, and to create their own spells they had to have an extensive knowledge and imagination. All qualities she admired and encouraged. She always thought those two could do wonders in Slytherin if given the choice.
In turn, Remus told her about how he met the others, some pranks they had pulled but wisely refused to give names to the victim(s). He told her about stupid, boyish things they had done over the summer, and by the time it was time for Clytemnestra to go he was fast asleep by her shoulder.
She positioned him back down into the bed as gently as she could, she tucked him in and placed a kiss on his head. Then she left, pulling the curtains behind her, promising to herself that by the next full moon she would be prepared.
He was a brave boy Remus, but she could see the tiredness of his body, exhaustion in his soul. Fenrir had once told her about the changes a werewolf's body went through, even he struggled with the pain of it all and Clytemnestra had been convinced till that conversation that the man could not feel pain. She hated Fenrir but had been amiable to him always per her master's instructions. He liked her too, and even offered to bite her which was how she knew he liked her, or else he would not have asked and just do it.
If he met Fenrir in this life, he was going to kill him and maybe she would even enjoy it just a little bit.
Clytemnestra made her move towards the Astronomy tower. She found it beautiful up there, moonlit with million stars above, something deeply romantic, something just so... Climbing the stairs in quiet dignity she contemplated the reasons why Augustus might have wanted to speak to her.
Ever since they slew a sacrifice together their relationship had changed, there was a tenderness shared between them, a secret that bound them, and he understood her broken heart. Still, she could feel him observe her, hang onto her every word as if he were searching them, searching something within her.
He stood in the middle of the room, the moon shining towards his face, his shadow a silent guard beside him. He turned around to face her, taking her hand and kissing the palm in reverence. "Thank you for coming. There is a truth about you that I must have, and first I considered torturing it out of you but what can I do to you that life has not."
Clytemnestra sat down at the edge of the tower, thinking to herself how much she really loved this place. Then she looked down and wondered how it would feel to jump, to fly, to be a bird… Then she turned and smiled at Augustus, beckoning him to her side. "You couldn't torture me."
"I killed a man." He sat down beside her, there was no bite in his bark. He seemed calm, serene even as if he already knew how this conversation would end.
"Killing a man and torturing a friend require two different hearts, you do not have it." If only she could say the same about herself, then they could leave this tower as good men but alas she had done many things under her master's orders. Killing a friend included.
He placed his hand at the small of her back, and she trusted that he would not push her. "Evidentially, I do not. I hated the idea as soon as it came to me. I entertained it but I was not entertained by it."
Clytemnestra reached over to comb his perfectly done hair, he leaned into the touch. "What have you decided then friend?"
He had decided to ask, and he told her as much, it seemed so simple now as if it hadn't cost him many a night's sleep. "I saw through you, the first day we met, and you looked at us all as if we were made out of gravestones as if it were you that carved the very coffins in which we now laid. We were not strangers to you, and you never felt a stranger to me." His fingers traced the trail of a ghost tear on her cheek, something that has not been shed but soon would be. "I ignored my instincts so I could remain objective, but I saw likes of Severus warm up to you, likes of Solan and most of all Narcissa whose absolute trust is only reserved for family, but you are family are you not?"
Her tear rolled just then, following the trail of fingers and he continued to speak. "Still, I could not piece it all together because how could I? how could anyone without sounding so utterly insane?" Augustus smiled without judgement, he loved her, and he could not deny. "Then my father said something to me, on the day we murdered a man together as if we had done so many times? Why have I not feared you? Why did you not deny me? A stranger asking you to slaughter a man in the forest. Either I am insane, or you are, or we both know each other in another life."
Clytemnestra did not deny, she knew where this was going and part of her was terrified yet relieved. Could she share her burden with another soul now? Could she be free of the chains of a secret that only half belonged to her?
He took a hold of her hands, so gentle in his movements as if not to spook the bird in its cage. "He said you looked so unbearable in your shroud of death and loneliness, and even in a different time you could not escape the sins of your ancestors. He pitied you, I could tell." There was tenderness in his eyes, and pity for he could see ruins of a woman laid bare before him. Devastated. Desolate. "So, tell me please, tell me which era spat you out, tell me of these sins on the shoulders of a seventeen-year-old child."
Clytemnestra's heart did not sink, nor did she shattered at the hour of their confrontation, instead she felt free, so she laughed loud enough that it echoed. It made her feel so unburdened to be known, to be known by a friend and to be accepted still.
Laughter turned into tears, and he pulled her into his chest as if to mirror the night of the forest, roles reversed but the sentiment stayed. She found comfort in his arms, and he allowed her time to cry, and to grieve, and to chase the relief she felt.
Then she sat upright, eyes red and sunken, lips turned upwards in a smile bright enough to cut through the veil of night. "I'll tell you." Clytemnestra feared nothing at that moment, he trusted the man Augustus was and loved the man he would be. "I'll tell you everything."