"I've got something for you".
After HYDRA's machine did not work as desired, they had of course continued to try. That they simply gave up would certainly have been wishful thinking. They did manage to block out James' memories, but not to erase them. It wasn't permanent. Sometimes it lasted longer, a couple of hours, but sometimes only a few minutes, and then James was back in possession of his body and I had him back.
He often mentioned reoccurring nightmares, much more often now than before we moved to the new base. Every day he told me of new horror stories he had lived through in his sleep. He dreamed of the missions he was sent on. Of the faces of the people he injured or killed. He was barely eating, losing more and more weight. Without the muscles, he would probably be nothing but skin and bones.
The mood was much more tense because of the whole situation, though; Karpov and Zola argued a lot, and I had the feeling Karpov was taking out his frustrations on the Winter Soldier. He came back to the base every day with - thank God - for him only minor dangerous injuries. The project manager had actually refused to let him outside until the Memory Suppression Machine was perfected. But Zola had confidence and was probably able to persuade him. So far, there had been no unusual occurrences.
"Huh?", I asked.
James pulled a metallic object out of one of the many pockets of his trousers and handed it to me. A little hesitantly I grabbed it, and after a short look I recognized it. It was a cigarette case, much more noble and sturdy than the one I had received from HYDRA. It had many decorations in the form of vines and flowers and felt heavy and valuable in my hands.
"Happy birthday," he grinned at me and finally winked, "and happy Valentine's Day".
I smiled and brought the small box to my chest. He had said he would think of something for my birthday, but I hadn't really expected it. Through the torture he experienced daily, I would have even understood if he had forgotten his promise.
"How thoughtful, thank you," I said softly.
Somehow I thought it was fitting that it was a cigarette case. Something that we had shared and was part of our daily meetings. But still, I wondered where he had gotten it. He must have interpreted my confused look.
"On my last... mission... I saw it in a store. It woke me up," his grin got a little wider, "It reminded me of you".
My heart did a little jump in my chest. The thought of me had actually brought him out of his brainwashing? Suddenly I was overcome with a feeling that almost pulled the rug out from under me. James reached for my hands, where I was still clutching his gift, and turned them over.
"So you won't forget me".
There were letters carved on the back of the case. Very fine, hardly recognizable but noticeably self-made. I closed my eyes because tears were gathering there. A small giggle escaped me.
J.B. for James Barnes, with C.E. underneath.
"Is something wrong?" he asked cautiously.
"My name is Klara, with a K," I was still laughing a little, "German spelling".
"Oh God," he covered his face with his hands and scoffed.
"No, no. I love it!", I said quickly and pulled them away from his face, "I definitely won't forget you like this, I couldn't anyway".
His cheeks were red, he was probably terribly embarrassed, and I felt a little bad for laughing at him. Actually, I thought it was quite cute; after all, he had only heard my name and never read it. And being an American, he didn't know any better. I sat down next to him on his bed and put my head on his shoulder. I noticed how he also leaned a little against me.
"Thank you."
Silence had come in between us, we just enjoyed each other's presence. I still couldn't get rid of the thought that even in his trance, while another spirit was living in his body, he was still thinking about me. It brought me a little hope that everything would be all right after all - if you could call it that. We would probably never escape HYDRA's clutches. Not in this lifetime.
"I guess we'll never go dancing," I murmured softly, more to myself.
"Why wait for it?" he replied and stood up.
With wide eyes I looked at him while he took the case from me, put it next to me and pulled me up to my feet. His metal hand rested on my back, just a little bit from my waist, while his human hand grabbed mine. As if of my own accord, I put my free hand on his shoulder.
"I haven't danced in ages," I admitted.
During my studies, I hadn't really had much time for things I enjoyed.
"Don't worry, I'm a pretty swell dancer," he smiled his crooked smile that made my cheeks hot.
"We don't have music at all," I stated.
"Singing is not one of my skills, though," he joked.
James brought our hands to his chest so I could feel his heartbeat, that was our rhythm as he slowly led me around in a circle swaying. He hadn't lied, his movements were clearly more skilled and relaxed than mine. But maybe that was because his gray-blue eyes made my legs a little weak and I could hardly concentrate.
Carefully he guided me into a turn before pulling me back to him, the beat of his heart not lost. My body shook a little, causing him to draw me into his arms a little more. I swallowed hard, but grinned just as wide as he did. The whole situation was so absurd but at the same time so beautifully light-hearted that one could almost forget that we both were actually living in captivity. Everything else around us blurred and I was only aware of the ex-soldier, his pounding heart and the hand that kept stroking my back.
I was indeed happy, carefree.
Sighing softly, I leaned my head against him and buried my face in the crook of his neck. His pulse quickened a bit, though we kept our pace. He smelled of sweat, metal, and his own scent, which involuntarily coaxed another sound from my throat. He chuckled softly and spun me around again.
"Karpov would hate to see us dance," I said with a laugh.
His eyes pierced me, but not in an unpleasant way. His gaze was gentle and full of affection.
"I know what he would hate even more," he replied in a raspy voice.
Before I could answer, he had leaned down to me and put his lips on mine. Only for a very short moment, our dance was not interrupted by it. They had been like a feather, only a very small touch. And yet it ignited a burning sensation in my chest. Not painful, but it left me wanting more.
As James pulled his head back, I stood on my tiptoes to follow his lips and reunite them with mine. This time longer, yet still gentle. He exhaled a deep breath and stopped. For a short time we lingered like that, then I slid back on my heels and stared at him a little breathlessly.
The brunette man returned my gaze, pulled up one side of his mouth, let go of my hand to embrace my waist with both arms, and kissed me again. This kiss was different than the two before it, intentional and with noticeably more assurance. My hands moved up to his face, caressing the short, scratchy beard and rested on the back of his neck.
My head rattled, I felt dizzy, and if he hadn't held me so securely, I probably wouldn't have been able to stand on my own. He detached himself from me briefly to look at me.
"Klara, it -".
"No speaking," I interrupted him.
"Yes, ma'am".
Again he kissed me, again with a little more passion than before. His hands danced over my back, sending shiver after shiver down my spine. My fingers buried themselves in his hair, scratching a little over his scalp, which he answered with a little growl from his throat. Breathing was hard and I had to pull back to gasp for air. James kissed my cheek, my jaw, my neck and I yelped softly.
I wished I could have stopped. But the feeling he gave me, spreading from the pit of my stomach all over my body was almost addictive. He unceremoniously lifted me up, my weight had to be an easy one for him. His lips continued to wander, I felt his breath on my neck.
Without any problems he carried me across the room and sat me on the small table in his cell. He had never put anything there, after all, had no possessions.
As if by it's own will, my lips seeked his and my arms closed around his middle this time. James placed himself between my knees and pulled me to the edge of the table to have me very close to him, again he softly growled against my lips. His hands rested on my thighs, his thumbs digging in very gently. I could feel his teeth grazing carefully over my lower lip.
It was actually far too risky. All the time a little voice wanted to push itself into my brain, telling me that there was still a HYDRA agent outside the door and someone could come in any second. But James' lips on mine and his hands now stroking up my waist quickly pushed that voice back into the far corner.
"Bucky -", I mumbled.
"I thought we weren't supposed to talk," he laughed in a slightly husky voice and spread kisses on the corner of my mouth, "not that I don't like hearing my name come out of your mouth".
His human hand had by now found itself on the back of my neck, the other resting on my waist. I hadn't felt such a happy and reassuring feeling in so long. Still, I knew this was going to complicate the hell out of everything. This thought became more and more prominent in my mind and I finally pushed it away a little.
"I think this is a stupid idea".
He continued to grin and his hand tenderly clasped my face. His thumb touched my burning lips.
"Yes, quite stupid", he nodded.
His eyes searched my gaze, then fixed on my mouth. The way his voice sounded raspy implanted the desire in me to kiss him again.
"Really stupid", I confirmed and closed my eyes before pulling his head back down to me.