Not far from him, an invisible femme struggled within herself. His pleas tore at that part of her core that so desperately needed him.. Needed his affection.. Needed him in her life… While memory echoes of hundreds of lives whispered to her to let him die.. Make him pay.. Never trust him again.. She stood there stock still for a long time. Her processors rocked with uncertainty.. Her emotions swung wildly from murderous to love and back again..
Hesitantly, she silently moved to stand next to him. Staring down at the back armor of the dust covered mech, she again fought within herself. Should she trust his promises of a future? Should she let him die in atonement for not only what he'd done to her - but the lives that now resided within her of those he had killed in battle? Why had Primus put the decision upon her pitiful wings? She had no right to decide the fate of any mech! Yet, had she not already decided his fate, when she had brought him back from the dead?
She let out a sigh as she thought about that last one. Yes, she and Oganesson had been playing God as they had chosen whom to respark and whom to recycle into new Guardians. Those recycled were now condemned to forever walk the realm of sparks. Yet they punished her for deciding their fate. Punished her by leaving the horror of their lives as scars on her processors. Scars that would never fully heal.
Staring at the barely functioning mech now at her thrusters, the deep part of her that needed him, would not allow her to let him die again. She was not worthy.. She could no longer play God and decide his fate. His soft plea for her to help him, was as powerful as Primus' pulling her wings to this dimension. His plea was for life. She could no more deny him that - than she could actually activate her cannon when it was pressed against his helm all those night cycles… Though anxiety flowed through every circuit as she accepted Primus' order to follow the mech's wishes to keep him functioning, with a sigh of surrender, she knelt next to him and dared to set her hands on the conscious mech.
After about an astro hour, he felt hands running on his back armor. Felt her pushing him over. She propped him up on some rumble so that he was in a reclined position. "Xenon," he said. His power core access panels were opened by her invisible hands. He knew her instincts as a nurse were kicking in. The fact that she had in a sense dared to show herself to him while knowing he was conscious, proved to him that her deep need for him was triumphing over the horrors within her processors. "Show me..you.." he begged. He wanted to actually see her. Have her click off her cloaking. Come fully out of ghost mode.
At his plea, Xenon paused as she looked at his readouts. She knew his systems were going into critical shutdown mode. He'd pushed himself this far for this long - for her sake. She let out a sad sob. It was because of her weakness, that he was once again now so close to death. She'd not only fragged up her own life.. Fragged up the building of the Guardian Nation.. But now also fragged up his second chance as well. The AllSpark within her spark chamber had been truly wasted on a femme like her. Looking up into the blue sky, she pleaded with Primus "Primus - why?" Her optics filled with tears. The blackness and hopelessness of the life she was forced to live - sought to allow the horrific memory echoes to again take over her RAM.
The despair in her tone, ripped apart his core. Yes, she was now fully in her own meta - but she was so so broken inside. "Xenon, He brought us together. Our lives are forever intertwined" he whispered. "Just as you were lost - I too had to find my way within my meta. The journey to find you, helped me find myself." Reaching out next to him, he felt her invisible thruster. "Let me help you - find yourself." He truly meant every word. He would stand by her, no matter how long it took, to find peace within herself.
Xenon paused at his soft words. Her processor was so full of conflicting emotions. To come out of ghost mode, was to show herself as the pitiful Guardian she had become. Just directly interacting with him like this, was hard enough! "I'm a mere shadow of what I was. I'm no better than a ghost," she admitted in a sad voice.
Feeling up her thruster, he found her invisible hand. Curling his digits around hers, he looked up to where he assumed her face was. "We are both mere shadows of what we once were," he said with an understanding smile. "Maybe together we can help each other find the light again? Find our purpose for life?" He truly meant every word. He was as dedicated to her now - as he was dedicated to his beloved Cybertron. To save her - saved Cybertron.
She glanced down at his system readouts. He had zero reserves and was functioning on only ten percent core. He was truly starving to death right in front of her. Doing her own internal system analysis, she realized that she wasn't in much better shape. Having been trapped in processor lock, she had never uncloaked to bask and refill her cores. She sighed as she finally felt the exhaustion of a chassis pushed too hard and too long. She also had no reserves, and two-out-of-three of her high energy cores were empty. Guardians were built to survive far longer than Cybertronians when rations were scarce. But even they had limits. Under normal circumstances, she would've had plenty of reserves to give him. Now, she had nothing. If she didn't uncloak and bask, not only would he be dead soon, she would soon follow. Every bolt in her airframe screamed for her to stay cloaked.. To keep her shame hidden from the world.. But that deep connection to him within her processors, drove her to preserve his life. "Open your cab," she whispered.
Understanding that she was likely after the blue energon to calm herself, whirs could be heard as he unlocked the side panel of his cab to her. Feeling her reach in to get a shot cube of what she so desperately craved, Ultra Magnus gave the invisible femme a sad smile. "If I'd only understood how much you depended on it - I never would have rationed you. I'm so sorry for doing that."
Getting an overly full shot cube out, so much so that it was nearly two shots. Xenon put it to her lip components and gulped it down. She sighed as she felt the wonderful numbness spread out from her core. It calmed her emotions, pushed away her self doubts. Made her forget how worthless she was for a while. There was silence for a few astro minutes as she let the glorious numbness spread throughout her systems. Calming her… Pushing away her uncertainties… Once she was fully under its spell, she could think like she used to. Finally, she clicked off her cloak. "The only thing that saved your life - was this," she said as she held up the now empty shot glass.
He nodded, "I know…. I felt your cannon against my helm many nights." He sighed as he let himself relax a little. Now that she was out of ghost mode, she could take care of both of their energon needs. With her meta under the influence of the sedatives, she could think rationally.
She trembled a bit at the remembrance of those long nights of struggle. Turning her optics from his in shame, she chewed her lower lip a bit. "I can't believe.. I.. almost offlined you," she admitted.
"Shhhhhh," he comforted. "Even the strongest of mechs would have gone into processor lock - dealing with what none of us realized that you were facing." He squeezed her hand. "I promise you, the worst of it is now over. Now you can begin to heal. Begin your journey to find yourself."
Her optics got a strange gleam in them for a moment, before returning to their brooding darkness. "How long was I trapped in the echo loop?"
"A full orbit cycle," he informed her. Setting his hand back on her thruster, he wiped some of the thick dust that had accumulated on her armor during the long period of no maintenance. Now that she was this close to him, the small scratches and dents from hail storms she must have flown through on her journeys in ghost mode, were obvious. There were strange injuries as well. Seemed to be cuts from a blade all over her arms and thrusters. Many were already healed, others were fresh. His optics widened a bit as he realized that those drips of energon he had found around him when he activated each morning - was from her physically cutting herself. Inflicting actual physical pain in reaction to her internal struggle. A state he'd only heard of as tales of the insane from the far distant past. She had truly suffered the worst case scenario!
The stories he had heard of those insane enough to self mutilate - were of mechs who had never pulled through. Never survived their madness. His optics opened wide in disbelief that her internal need for HIM - had actually been strong enough to break through that level of madness. He'd never seen a Guardian in such poor shape. She now looked the part of a full Cybertronian trying to survive in the war. Though for her, that war was being fought in her very core. Was still going to be fought in her core.
A full orbit cycle…She was that weak! Berating herself for her own weakness, Xenon resisted the urge to cut herself right there in front of her. She knew it was wrong to do it. That it made no logical sense to damage one's self. But it was like she needed that pain. Knowing she needed more sedative, she reached inside his still open cab access, and got herself another shot. After it numbed her emotions yet further, She began to pull out power transfer lines from her own abdomen. "I have nothing to give you. I'm… I'm near starvation level too," she admitted in a dark tone. "I need to bask to replenish my own systems. We'll initiate a full power system circuit during this period, so that you will be replenished as well." The blue energon kept her calm now. Pushed her self doubts away. Let her be the old Xenon again.
Ultra Magnus shifted uncomfortably at what she was proposing to do. A full power circuit between two mechs, was an experience almost intense and personal as true interface. So while she wasn't demanding that he just open up his spark to her - she was demanding something very close to it. True, he had sought her out for the last half an orbit cycle. But it wasn't just to jump into a physical relationship in high gear.
Seeing his shifting for what it was, the now inebriated femme narrowed her optics. "So, the celebant monk is uncomfortable even linking power grids?" she teased in a very dark tone. Not caring if it made him uncomfortable, the drug numbed femme boldly plugged in the first line. The transfer from her system to his. Shifting slightly, she brought her face plate near his, her optics full of intensity as they locked with his. "Night cycle after night cycle, you claimed there was a future path for us. Do you now refuse to start down that path?" Her tone became very dark as she continued, "Do you prove those promises to now be empty?" She pushed that very thought down into the recesses of her meta. For part of her was convinced that those promises were empty. That he had only made them - to draw her out…
He searched those dark crimson orbs, seeing the half of her spark that was Megatron's clearly within them. Briefly, he wondered if it was similar dark memory echoes which had once pushed Megatron over the edge of madness. How quickly would she travel down that same path - if he dared to try and push her away again? No, he had welcomed her back into his life with his promises each night cycle - as he spoke to the emptiness around him. He would not allow his natural aversion to close relationships to thwart it again. The fact that she had used a nickname so close to the one her sire had once jokingly insulted him with over energon shots, sadly proved how accurate their evaluations of his behavior were. Weakly, he reached to his abdomen and pulled out his power transfer line. Holding it out for her to plug in, he let his actions speak for him.
"Keep grids separate until my photovoltaic systems are active," she told him as her optics softened with his action. The fire cooled down to embers as she reached down and ran a gentle hand from his chin guard to the side of his helm. "I do not understand why I am cursed with a fixation that defies logic," she finally admitted as her tone became as soft as her touch. The blue energon buzzed in her circuits. Allowed her to once again dream of him actually WANTING to hold her.. Kiss her.. Become one with her..
Bringing up a hand, he duplicated the caress on her. "I also do not understand why I have always been driven to avoid relationships." His optics shown with honesty. "However, this time I will try to overcome my aversion," he promised. "As long as we can both agree to take our time, and be completely honest with each other as to what chaos is going on within."
Moving her hand from his helm, she wrapped her digits around the hand he'd had on her helm. Her blue energon buzzed meta getting an idea. An idea that would eliminate his primary excuse for rejecting her advances that first time she had chased him. Bringing their hands between them, she twisted her hand to force the back of his hand against her lips. "If you give me your promise to move past your comfort zone - I will give you mine to move at a far slower pace than I'd prefer." With that, she kissed the back of his hand. Her optics were intense as she did so.
Under Cybertronian cultural norms, she had just officially asked him to agree to be promised to her. Something he was absolutely not expecting! The agreement would be an official statement to the world that they intended to become bond mates for life. Then they would enter the trial period that would last up to five full orbit cycles. During that period of time, they would live as if officially bonded. They would see if the relationship appeared to be solid. If both agreed at the end of the trial period that it was an acceptable and stable partnership, they would plan the very public bonding ceremony to cement and celebrate the permanence of their bond. Generally, neither party would ask for the promise until they had already dated and usually also engaged in interfacing and sparkbonding - for a fairly extensive period of time. That's why he was so shocked for her to ask for it.
He searched her optics. There seemed to be only honesty there. Yet he hesitated to jump into it. Even though to reject her now, likely meant certain death for him. They both knew he wasn't likely to survive a few more day cycles without her energon. So he was treading on very dangerous ground. "Why do you already ask for my promise? We have not really even dated," he asked.
Her optics became a bit harder then, "Because you have long used the excuse that you aren't attracted to players like me - to push me away. I want to give you the certainty that I'm a player no more." Her grip was firm on his digits as she held their hands in between them. He was either going to agree or not. There was no middle ground. This would tell her if it was time to force herself to look past him, no matter how difficult that would be.
Her reasoning was pretty air tight. He had to give her that. He had used that very excuse often. For her to offer her promise to prove she was no longer a player, showed how deep her self-admitted illogical fixation on him was. If he agreed to give his promise as well, then he was fully prepared to do whatever it took to open himself to a relationship that would involve sharing both his spark and the deepest recesses of his memory banks. To share the full breadth of the horrors he had not only suffered - but had caused - during the long war. He sighed as he was unsure if he was even capable of opening up that much. "What if I'm unable to bring myself - to openly share my spark?" he asked as he searched her optics.
Her optics softened as he admitted to possibly having a very deeply personal problem. "Then we work with the medical center to diagnose and treat the underlying issues." She searched his optics as she gently kissed the back of his hand again. "You have already been dedicated enough to me, to spend the last half orbit cycle solely working to get me through my darkest hours. Even though you were truly putting your spark at risk every defrag cycle. I'd consider it my repayment to you, to stand by your side through this."
He narrowed his optics for a moment, "We both know you use inebriation and wild interfacing to chase away your internal agony. How can you think being promised to a mech who is currently repulsed by that behavior - is going to actually work out?" He studied her reaction to the truth behind his words. He wanted honesty from this point forth. Without honesty, there was no point in hoping for any future between them.
She moved her other hand to touch the power grid connections between them. "Because I know the experience of a full power circuit," she gave him a knowing look as she rubbed her cheek against the back of his hand. "And it is most satisfying to me. I can accept it as hopefully a temporary replacement - for what I truly crave."
Ok, she'd gotten him there. She definitely had more experience in all ways mechs had fun with each other's grids. He could easily see it in her optics. She suspected he had never been involved in a full power grid circuit. And she'd be correct in that assumption. He sighed as he tried to think of a way to delay giving her his promise - without outright rejecting her. He still wasn't sure. It was a huge step in a normal relationship sequence. What they'd had - was far from the norm.
The inebriated femme saw the truth in his optics before he had a chance to even voice it. "You've never even engaged a power circuit before - have you?" She couldn't help but to snicker as his expression confirmed it. Letting go of his hand, she looked down at him in a totally bemused fashion. "In every way, you are the total opposite of the type I've always been attracted to."
Relief spread through him as it was her that separated their hands. Culturally that signified that she was retracting the offer of her promise. "As you are the opposite of my type as well," he agreed.
"Your type - is no type at all," she observed. Cocking her helm, a sad smile crossed her face plate as she finally figured him out. "All your life, you've been bonded to the Revolution turned civil war and following Alpha Trion's philosophies. Since he was a celebant monk.."
"I followed his example," Ultra Magnus confirmed as he returned her sad smile. "But I am now willing to attempt to move past that stage of my life." He did mean every word. He just did not know how long it would take, nor how far it would lead. "I ask for your forgiveness for leading you on last time. I offer you brutal honesty this time."
Leaning forwards again, she almost touched olfactory sensors with him. "I give you ten rotational cycles to accept my promise. During that time, you will allow me to show you all the ways mechs can experience pleasure together - without sharing our sparks or processors." Her optics told him for certain that it was his last opportunity to prove that all those claims he had made that there was a future path for them - were not empty words.
He searched her optics. Could see the brooding darkness in their edges. A brooding darkness that could so easily overtake her processors again. An internal horror that far surpassed his own. If any femme could ever see within him and accept the horrors of his haunted past - it was likely a femme as tormented as her. He knew this - and suspected that she did as well. Perhaps that was a part of her illogical fixation on him. Her own damaged processors sought out one that was equally as damaged. She had laid out the specific parameters and limits. Limits he had already said that he wasn't sure if he could go past - without medical intervention. She had clearly listened to him. But he had demands for her to agree to as well. "As long as you agree to be honest with me, about the dark horrors behind your optics. And when you are finally strong enough to go back, you seek counseling as often as you seek the blue energon."
Now it was her turn to study him intently. He was asking a lot of her. Granted, when one looked at Ultra Magnus's history, she was actually asking far more of him. "You drive a hard bargain Ultra Magnus," she finally replied.
"As do you, Xenon," he agreed. "But a relationship built upon mutual agreements, clearly defined expectations and predetermined boundaries - will hopefully be a lasting one." Lifting a hand weakly to again stroke the side of her helm, he let the logic of his statement sink into her. They had not had any of those during her first pursuit of him. This second try must start differently, if it was to end differently.
"That I can agree with," she replied. Taking his lips to seal their agreement to ten days of pseudo dating, her spark jumped as he wrapped his arms around her and forced her tight against him. He welcomed her kiss for the first time ever! For a long moment they kissed. Their glosses memorized each other's dentals, each other's flavors.
Finally, she pulled back. Her smile seemed one of total exhaustion. "I don't think I've ever been this depleted," she gave him one last peck on the lips, "Even if you had wanted to interface, I'd actually say no right now," she teased him with a wink. Beginning to shift her airframe in a prone position in order to spend a long period of time collecting the star's strong rays which fell on them right now, she ended up on her belly armor with her helm and arms across his lap. .
No longer highly aggravated by her teasing, Ultra Magnus just chuckled weakly. "This is nothing compared to fighting a civil war for eons, while being on the edge of starvation the entire time." Curling one of his hands around hers, he watched in fascination as her protective armor slid back along her entire topside, exposing the shimmering black photovoltaic sublayer underneath. Sure, he'd seen this sublayer from a distance as he drove through the basking squadrons on the tarmac, but it was different seeing it up close. "Your race is fortunate to never have known the pain of starvation." He touched her waist with his other hand, soft digits caressing her dust covered armor there. "We will be forever in your debt for saving us."
Turning her helm to lay it sideways against his lap, she met his optics. "Primus created us for this purpose, just as he made sure that we also are forever in your debt for the sparklings your races provide us. It's a fair trade. One race cannot continue on without the other." The buzzed femme kissed the armor beneath her helm, which just so happened to be his codpiece, then met his optics again. "Couldn't resist," she snickered.
He tickled her side as he rolled his optics a little. "As long as you remember our agreed upon boundaries..." He grinned a little as she jerked her side away from his tickling digits.
Her photovoltaic cells began to glitter as they reacted to the star's photons. It was mesmerizing to his optics. He wanted to touch them, but did not dare. He'd overheard young Guardians talking about how much it bothered them to have anything touch those exposed panels - even to clean them. "It's just amazing to watch," he murmured as his optics tried to track individual photons being absorbed. It was a dance of millions of specks of light across her subsurface.
"Open the system circuit," she told him.
Taking a deep breath, Ultra Magnus forced himself to open his side of the circuit. Calming his rapidly pulsing spark by telling himself over and over again that it was just power grids. Just his power grids. Then suddenly, her released flow into him hit. It was like taking ten shots straight to his core! Throwing his helm back, he moaned as the rush of heat surged through his core and spread throughout his entire chassis within mere astro seconds. His entire frame hummed at the intensity. His engines instinctively roared.
He kept his optics glued to the glittering dance of photon absorption going on along her wings. Memory echoes threatened to overwhelm his meta, as the intense electrical buzz flying over his networks tried to bring up remembered agony.. Past torture of electric bolts while Decepticons watched and laughed. The vision of Megatron's optics feeding off of his pain tried to take over his processors. Squeezing her hand hard, Ultra Magnus fought to push back those echoes. Fought to enjoy the reality of the current washing over him. But he was weakening in their wake. His optics seemed to get blurry.. Not completely able to focus on her wings as memory echoes fogged them from within.
Just about that time, the tipsy femme couldn't resist nipping his armor beneath her helm again. He jumped a bit at the sensation of her dentals pinching his codpiece. Fortunately, it was a well timed mischievous tease move - though she did not know it. As that slight and unexpected sensation was not part of the original echo, it broke through it. Brought him suddenly back to the full reality of the bliss that was having fully linked power systems with a Seeker's high energy systems. Systems that were being recharged at a rapid rate. Magnus moaned again as he triumphed over the echoes. A triumph that was oh so sweet when coupled with the inebriating effects of too much power flow...
A devilish gleam filled Xenon's optics as she enjoyed the slight buzz from the full circuit - coupled with the blessed numbness from three full shots of blue energon.. Grounders always experienced an intense rush when they paired with a Seeker. While it was as good as drinking a shot of the blue energon for her, it was actually not a true replacement for the interfacing she enjoyed. But at least she'd gotten him to agree to this. It was a start. As he trembled and moaned in pure rapture beneath her basking form, she imagined how he might react when she finally got truly under his armor. She imagined his touch upon her wings. As she thought about that, he seemed to squeeze her hand a lot harder, as if encouraging those very contemplations. Turning her head, she actually nipped his codpiece again. Her crimson orbs full of passionate mischief as she envisioned that slight change in his moans, was in response to her getting under his armor. She snickered as he seemed to actually relax further into his enjoyment after her little nip… Enjoying her continuing buzz, she let herself drift off into fantasies as the grounder beneath her gasped in ecstasy.. Though she did keep her scanners on. She didn't want this enjoyment together to be unexpectedly interrupted...
What she hadn't bothered to tell Ultra Magnus, was that his first experience with a full power circuit was going to last until Cybertron's dwarf star set for the day. Nor did she warn him how intensely a grounder's experience was when linked with a high energy Seeker's grids. His meta processor couldn't focus on anything but the incredible sensations rolling through every section of his power grids. He moaned and spoke in nonsensical sentences as he trembled and shivered the day cycle away. His depleted systems endured a charge they had not been designed to truly handle.
Finally, the dwarf stars rays cast a red glow over them as it began to settle below the horizon. Shutting off her side of the circuit, Xenon's outer armor slid back over her sensitive solar subsurface. Retracting her wings, she shifted onto her side so that she was facing Ultra Magnus's face plate. Enjoying the residual buzz from her side of the circuit and the excessive blue energon she had drunk earlier, she doodled with a digit on his headlights as she waited for his power systems to restabilize themselves and move the excess energon to his reserve tanks.
His networks still tingling all over, Ultra Magnus's meta processor was finally able to come back into reality. Blinking his optic shutters a bit, he felt wetness on his faceplate. Reaching a trembling hand up, he wiped the wetness off and stared at his hand. "Is...this...normal?" he gasped.
Stretching a bit, she chuckled. "When a grounder links up with a Seeker's systems for the first time or two - it tends to happen," she explained. It did feel so, so good, that he was finally asking HER questions about what was natural or not - when it came to the art of pleasure within one's circuits. Her spark jumped in pure happiness.
"That...was...simply...amazing.." he exclaimed in a voice full of wonder. Rubbing one of her wings with a hand, he looked down at her with a blissful expression. "My entire network is still tingling."
Knowing he was suffering the after effects of an overcharged grid, Xenon smiled up at him. "Enjoying it?" she purred as she continued to explore his still trembling frame with her digits. There was an intense satisfaction when a femme could rock a mech's world for an entire day cycle. She was really going to enjoy doing this on a regular basis. Her own buzz from it was rapidly fading, but after six astro hours, her systems were in a nice relaxed state from it. The memory echoes would be silent for astro hours to come. She could be like her old self for a while - well until the effects from the large dose of blue energon wore off as well. Sliding up his frame, she shifted so that she had her full length pressed against his side. Curling her thrusters over his still trembling leg servos, she enjoyed watching him recover oh so delectably slowly…. Taking his lips, she continued to let her digits wander on his armor. Thrilled that he made no moves to stop her.
He eagerly took her lips. His entire chassis still hummed from the after effects of that intense circuit. His meta processor was oddly at peace with it all. Like he didn't have a single care in the world. Like for once - life was just absolutely perfect. He'd never felt this relaxed..yet energized..yet exhausted..yet excited.. All at the same time before. Now he fully understood why he'd caught so many young recruits slacking off and initiating this with each other. Truly understood. Now, he wished he could go back and unpunish them for slacking off…
The after effects finally wore off. Ultra Magnus looked up at the stars and wondered where the day cycle had gone. "We were in full circuit - half the day cycle?" he asked Xenon. He could tell that she was smugly pleased with herself at his physical reactions to the full circuit. Ok, she had rocked his world that day. He'd let her be smug about it.
"Uh hum," she purred as she doodled on his headlights. Her ruby red orbs were warm as they met his. "Leaves the processors so nice and relaxed and refreshed." she stretched her airframe a bit, and snuggled up tighter against him. She felt at peace inside. The blue energon holding the demons back. Keeping her from feeling her strong emotions of self doubt…
Nodding in agreement, his optics wandered over the dark ruins around them. "I now understand why I busted so many recruits doing this," he chuckled. "It really does clear up the meta processor."
"Well, since you were pretty out of it most of the day cycle, I had to keep guard, sooooo.." she kissed his cheek, "It's your turn for guard duty while I defrag."
Before she could drift off, Ultra Magnus kissed her again. His optics seemed to have switched to a more brooding expression. "Before you do, I promised honesty," he hesitated for a moment as she met his optics with a questioning gaze. "I… I started to go into a memory echo when the full circuit initiated." He desperately hoped that by admitting to her whenever he suffered through one, perhaps she would eventually open up when she dealt with one.
That got her attention. Arching an optic ridge in curiosity, she brought a hand up to caress one of his audio receptors. Just as she had done to help sooth him during his long physical therapy after being resparked. "Pleasure - brought on memories of pain?" she asked with confused orbs.
"Started to," he replied with a sad nod. "The unexpectedly strong current, was reminiscent of when I was tortured for endless day cycles with high voltage electricity. Right before I was executed." He tried to ignore his rising emotion of being a failure, as he had almost failed at enjoying a full power circuit. Pushing that emotion down, he focused on the fact that he HAD to view it as a triumph instead. For instead of the memory echoes turning pleasure into pain - he had broken through them. He had conquered them.
"Primus! How are we ever going to live through these echoes?!" Xenon growled. "How can they rule over us so easily! We can't even enjoy a full circuit!" Her chassis shook with her frustration. Angry tears welled up in her ruby orbs.
"Shhhhh," he whispered as he ran a gentle hand on her wing. "Because of you, I was able to break through the echo fairly quickly. I did enjoy it for astro hours afterwards." He wiped the wetness from her optics with a calming hand. THIS was the side of her that had always attracted him. The soft and honest side. "I promised brutal honesty during this attempt at developing a relationship. We both are going to have to battle with our memories."
"Because of me? How did I help you break the echo?" she asked. Her expression instantly changed from frustration, to curiosity.
He chuckled, his optics brightening back up. "Believe it or not, your inability to refrain from teasing me did it. That action was most definitely NOT part of the memory echo of torture!" He actually was amazed that he no longer found her teasing behavior so obnoxious and annoying. All those months of wandering alone and discussing with himself what had gone wrong, had truly changed his meta. He now truly understood why she was driven to tease. Not to mention the fact that he accepted that it was only him that she would ever tease again.
"You mean when I?" She let a hand drift down to his codpiece, her optics returning to their standard devilish gleam when she was tipsy and purposefully trying to annoy him with outrageous teasing.
This time, he did stop her by getting his hand down and over hers before she got too carried away. He nodded in answer. Starting to feel a blush of embarrassment come on at his normal discomfort over stuff like that, he refused to allow himself to react that way. They were trying to find some path towards a relationship together. He needed to get used to talking with her about those topics. "But… don't get any wild ideas.." he warned her.
Not fighting him, she instead curled her digits around his. Her optics got a softer glow. "Hmmmm, so the torture here - doesn't tend to include forced bonding?" she asked him.
"What?! NO!" He was pretty taken aback by even the mere suggestion of it. "No one would ever consider doing THAT with prisoners!" What did she think they were in this dimension - animals?
She shrugged, "Guardians have recorded that going on in many dimensions. Sorry that I assumed that it might also have happened here." Since his hand was still wrapped around hers, to keep her hand off his codpiece, she forced him to bring their joined hands up to his hood. "Apparently, your Megatron has not gone down as dark of a path as he did in the dimension that my mother spark originated in."
"He's been a rapist in other dimensions?" Ultra Magnus just couldn't envision that. Sure there were torture here, and plenty of war crimes went on on both sides, but they'd never rape each other! That was just.. Just.. totally incomprehensible!
"Apparently it has occurred in many dimensions we've been called to. The natural violence between Cybertronian tribes often degrades into animalistic primal behavior." She rubbed her digits against his now trembling hand. "If we're being honest with each other, part of my concern after learning you'd never been successful at a relationship, was that whatever was broken within you - originated from that type of forced bonding experience." She had honestly contemplated on that possibility - often. The way he'd avoided physical affection like it was the plague of rust.
He just couldn't believe that the violence would ever degrade to that point between mech factions. But looking into her optics, he could tell that she was being very truthful in what the Guardians had recorded throughout their interdimensional travels. Taking a deep breath, he thanked Primus that while it had been bad here - it hadn't become THAT bad! "I tell you honestly, I have never been forced to bond. That is NOT something that occurs between warring factions here," he stated flatly.
Freeing her hand from his grip, she returned her touch to his audio receptor. "You don't know how glad I am to learn that," she replied, "Apparently, some mechs can never recover from that type of abuse."
Allowing the sensations she was causing to calm his emotions, Ultra Magnus nodded his agreement. "I guess my issues aren't as bad - as they could be."
"Exactly," she purred as she took his lips again. He let himself fall into the show of affection. The residual glow from his still overcharged system, blending in with the knowledge of her acceptance of his memory echo. His engine hummed in contentment as they kissed for a few astro minutes. Her hands were not drifting to where he was still uncomfortable with them being. She stayed within the boundaries they had set..
Slowly, they parted lips. She ran her digits one last time along his jawline and lingered a bit on his chin guard. "It's nice that you actually welcome my attentions," she said with another soft peck on his lip components.
He rubbed his digits gently on her wings. "Now that I really know YOU, and not that obnoxious tease who hid herself - I find you attractive," he admitted. This time, he actually initiated another kiss.
Separating lips, she looked at him with extreme weariness now apparent in her face. Running her hands along his jawline and helm again, she sighed in exhaustion. "Well, maybe I can actually enjoy a full and peaceful defrag cycle - in an entire orbit cycle - tonight. With you as my guard," she whispered. Her optics were full of trust in him.
He nodded as he stroked her shoulder armor. "I will keep you safe, my Allspark," he promised. He meant every word of it. He would do anything in his power to keep her safe. Heal her meta. And she was truly HIS. He knew this, and accepted this, with every linkage in his being. One day cycle, he would be ready to be fully hers in all ways..
Snuggling up against him a bit tighter, she sighed in contentment as she let herself drift off in defrag. Her spark finally at peace now that the mech it craved - had accepted her back into his life.
Shifting his position so that he could sit up, Ultra Magnus bent and unbent his knee servos a few times. Setting his arm down on her defragging form, he watched her faceplate. A faceplate that finally seemed to have found a little peace on this ruined world. Rubbing his digits on her armor, he enjoyed the strange coolness under his touch. The odd feel of the carbon alloys that Guardian armor was made of. Made to handle the extreme temperatures of atmospheric re-entry as well as the extreme cold of deep space. They were truly an interstellar species. Built to live on the wing.
He smiled as he considered the freedom of flight. Especially space faring flights. Looking up at the stars and galaxies he could make out with his bare optics, he imagined how it would be to be able to travel wherever you desired, without needing a ship or even supplies. His meta drifted onto thoughts of the missing Autobots and Decepticons. Optimus Prime as he searched for the original AllSpark he had lost - with Megatron hot on his trail. Neither group had been heard from in many full orbit cycles. He wondered if they were still functioning. If they would ever return. What would they both think if they came back to find the quadrants under Omega Guardian control, fully rebuilt and flourishing?
His optics drifted down to Xenon's still frame. What would both of them think if they saw him standing at her side, a daughter of Megatron's, next to her powerful brother Chromitron.. With Jetfire standing at Oganesson's side flanking the proud Guardian Commander on his other side? He could just envision the 'eat slag' look Jetfire would shoot at his former Decepticon Commander. How would Optimus Prime react to seeing HIM alive and well - and now fully part of Guardian Command?
He sighed as he rubbed her armor. So many possible futures awaited them. But first they needed to focus on getting not only his but her processors fully straightened out. Get her to accept her weaknesses and rebuild her shattered confidence - just as he had done while on his journey to find her. His mission was merely half-way complete now. The hardest part might actually be what was to come….
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