Living with ADHD wasn't easy.
As a kid growing up in a strict Latino neighborhood, Leo's wild antics and impulsive behavior caused both teachers and foster parents alike to constantly lose their cool with him. But one of the worst things he'd personally had to deal with was whenever he got stressed and nervous, it was almost impossible for him to keep still. As a result, he often avoided conflict whenever he could and tried to not take whatever abuse he received to heart. And whenever he wasn't able to simply walk away, he resorted to doing stuff with his hands or tapping his foot.
Right now, thankfully, there was no one around to witness him aimlessly pace around by the entrance to the Camp's strawberry fields, lost in thought on how to proceed.
He couldn't stop asking himself the same nagging question: Could Calypso ever forgive me?
Before him, the Demeter kids along with some of the local nymphs and dryads were at work tending the fields and the harvest in them which made up the Camp's income. Calypso worked there as well. Being neither a demigod nor a mortal, there had initially been some difficulty deciding on where Calypso would stay when she joined Camp. Eventually, Calypso declared that she would offer a prayer to Demeter since she found that she gelled in with the demigods from there quite nicely. Apparently the goddess didn't mind, because that was two summers ago and she still hadn't been turned into a Brussel sprout.
Recalling what had happened after they'd arrived back home only made Leo want to dig himself a hole and bury himself in it.
After leaving Ogygia, they'd spent several months travelling Europe together without a care in the world, literally in the clouds with love. They'd never been happier in their lives. But when it was time for them to return, Leo found adjusting to camp life less seamlessly than he thought.
Sure, the first few weeks hadn't been bad. After all the hugs and crying he'd gotten when everyone was relieved he was alive, he'd fallen back into his duties as Cabin Leader without trouble. But Leo often found himself too easily distracted by his duties. Calypso too, had found herself occupied with her duties helping Demeter with their garden. And then she had decided to try for a GED, which left her busier, studying with some of Athena cabin. Being a former immortal goddess and no less intelligent despite losing her immortality, she'd found time to get a GED after only a year of studying. Leo would end up finishing junior year alone at another school away from Camp. Gradually, they started spending less and less time with each other.
And as if his luck couldn't get any worse, then came the nightmares.
In these dreams, his friends would be doing something fun, like having a picnic or at a beach. Leo would start joining in on the fun, but then the entire world would cave underneath him and he would be up in the sky again, feeling the fire and the earth in his lungs, choking him, pain rushing up his entire body, making him scream. Some nights he would be back in his mother's burning shop, or trapped within the disapproving glares of his relatives. The fear of death that fueled a demigod's will to fight often returned in unexpected ways, Chiron had once said. It was true for anyone who had seen war, Leo realized, and it was likely it would never fully go away.
Despite these nights where he would wake up with a cold sweat, Calypso would not be the first person he wanted to share this with. And why would he? Machines were still easier, more fun than people. That was true for every Hephaestus (and Vulcan) He didn't have to risk hurting a machine or overworking them to exhaustion. Leo hadn't wanted to saddle the burden of his past pains onto the girl he loved.
Or had it been fear which had held him back? Fear of being unable to live without feeling like he had to prove his worth? That's what being on a world saving quest gave him: a sense of purpose, of worth within a group of friends. But with the world saved, and the realization that his friends were starting to live their own lives, the feelings of loneliness were starting to return. Suddenly, having taken down Gaea no longer seem to mean so much. Having a goddess for a girlfriend no longer seemed to be as satisfying as he used to think it would, especially one who he was less and less interested to spend time with.
Then one day, Leo agreed to meet with some of his half siblings to plan for a new engineering project. He had totally forgotten, however, that he had promised to spend the afternoon with Calypso. Calypso hadn't taken it well: she had used her magic to rip the door to Bunker 9 off his hinges. Leo would never forget the tears and the yelling that had followed, hers and his own. He had completely underestimated just how much she missed him as well.
Then, all the times she'd ask him to spend time together came flooding back to him.
Do you think you could help me memorize these English terms sometime?, she'd asked him ever so politely one day.
I think I'm busy during that time, sorry.
Today seems like a great day to stroll along the shore, she'd ask him another day. Do you think you could join me?
I wish, but I promised to help Harley out with his rocket powered fist. Maybe next time.
He got good at making excuses. He perfected the skill of making the same ones again and again. And when she'd finally had enough and confronted him, screaming at him; "How by Zeus's beard are you always so busy!", he'd said four little words that would become one of his biggest regrets:
I like being busy.
Because he, for the life of him, still couldn't stop saying what was immediately on his mind at the wrong time.
Calypso often got annoyed with him. Even furious with him. But that was the first time, the only time, she'd ever slapped him, hard, for saying something stupid.
And just like that, their relationship was over.
The worst part, he realized, was how little he felt when it happened. When she'd finally marched out of the cabin, tears running down her cheeks, Leo just picked up the broken door and started to fix it. It was better than focusing on the stinging of his cheek.
They hadn't spoken since. Camp never interfered with relationship drama unless it got out of hand. Leo just threw himself into his work and refused to talk to anyone about it. Chiron asked him if he was alright twice that week, and both times Leo just shrugged and nodded.
It was when he went over to New Rome to work on the Fyre Cannons project over the summer, when he realized that he was no longer able to see Calypso on a daily basis, did he finally start realize just how lonely he felt. Throughout his entire stay, despite pouring all he could into helping making the new warships the best they could be, Leo had to struggle daily to keep from breaking down when he was needed most. He saved his tears during moments when he was alone, or when he was in his private bunker in his bed. He might have been a hero, one of the brightest demigod engineers of all time, but that meant nothing if he'd been awful to someone he cared for. Someone he loved.
Time can heal all wounds, but it can also make some worse as well.
However, now that destiny seemed to call on him once more, now that he was about to be tossed back into the fire (though Leo hoped that wouldn't literally be the case), Leo wanted, no, needed to make sure that they could at least agree to be on good terms with each other He'd realized during the 2 months he had been at New Rome, that the only reason why it still hurt was because he ached for reconciliation. And even if they didn't get back together, that didn't mean they couldn't at least still be friends, could they?
It wasn't a option he wanted to deal at all, but there was only one way to find out.
Leo tried to contain the sinking feeling boiling in his stomach as he approached her. He hid his fiddling fingers behind his back as he made his way into the field. He couldn't screw this up. Not after agonizing over it for so long.
He found her knelt over in one of the dozens of rows of fields in which the Camp grew strawberries. The way the sunlight glinted in her hair made it seem to shine like bronze. Leo recalled all too well what it had felt like to hold it in his hands, run his fingers through it, how it smelled like her favorite blueberry shampoo...
"Hey." He greeted, giving her a nervous attempt of a grin. He tried to not put too much attention to the fact his neck hairs were tingling.
Calypso looked up. Her cinnamon eyes widened with surprise. "Hello, Leo," she responded curtly. She gave him a small smile, but it didn't seem genuine; more out of courtesy than any real joy. Sure enough, it didn't last. "Welcome back."
"I like the hair." Leo complimented mindlessly. With her, he had never managed to find the balance between just blurting his thoughts and genuinely putting thought into what he had to say. She just had that effect on him; to be completely honest and at ease with himself and whatever was troubling his mind. "It suits you."
"Thank you."
"So…" Leo began, trying not to sound too much like an anxious wreck (which he was). "How have things been?"
"Good," Calypso replied coolly. "We sold quite an enormous shipment to a pastry manufacturer two weeks ago, but we need to finish gathering another batch that we need to send out before the month ends."
"Uh huh. I—I heard about Rachel." A lump began to form in his throat when he thought about what had happened to their Oracle. Even though they'd barely ever talked, he would have to get a chance to her sometime, ask her how she felt. Losing a parent was something they now had in common. "You were there, right? When her parents were killed."
"I didn't see it happen, but yes," she replied. "I don't think anyone here has heard of something that could separate the Oracle and her spirit. At least she's safe."
"Well that's a relief."
Calypso then frowned and stopped picking fruit. She rested her hands on her knees, brow furrowing, as if she were hesitant on what to say next. But any regret she might have had vanished when she finally asked: "What are you really doing here?"
Leo stared down at his toes, unable to bear the idea of seeing her look at him with disgust. "Just checking up on you, making small talk. What's wrong with that?"
"You sure that's all you're doing?"
Calypso's words bit at Leo. "What do you mean?" he asked, taken aback. "Should I not be?"
"I mean..." Calypso stood up but avoided looking at Leo directly. "Are you seriously concerned for me, or are you just entertaining some fantasy that somehow, you'll warm up to me again and we'll be back together before you know it?"
It was as if she'd slapped him again. "Um, what!?" Leo couldn't believe it. After all this time, this was what Calypso thought of him? "Why are you assuming the worst of me?"
Calypso shrugged and shook her head. "I never assumed anything. You are."
Leo gritted his teeth. "Then why did you say all those things? It's almost as if you're the one pushing me away."
"Well, you're the one who stopped giving me the time of day," Calypso snapped back. "But I suppose i can't blame you." She wrinkled her nose at him, and Leo began to feel the familiar tingling in his hands whenever he used his fire.
Stop it, Leo, he thought to himself. You're better than this. This isn't you.
"If I recall correctly," Calypso continued. "Machines are so much easier to deal with than people, right?"
The tingling in his hands began to worsen.
Oh, by Zeus...Look Leo," she huffed. "If all we're going to do here is argue, just...Leo?"
Leo blinked. Calypso's face suddenly morphed from disgust to fear. It was a look he had never seen on her before, not since Gaea had spoken to her on Ogygia so long ago. "Please don't...Leo?"
"LEO!"
He turned around. It was Nico, who was over by the gate. "Annabeth's been looking for you. She's asking for your help with some computer stuff. She thinks she's figured out part of the prophecy!"
"Coming!" Leo yelled back. There was a brief flash of light that came from below him. He looked down and realized that for a brief moment, his hands had caught fire.
Calypso had dropped her fruit basket and raised her hands in combat stance. Adding the look in her eyes, her reaction told him all he'd needed to know. He'd scared her so much that she'd been ready to fight him, he realized. Even though he hadn't wanted to hurt her at all, he'd lost control. He had failed.
"I'm...I didn't mean..." But the words stopped there. He just turned around and walked away, leaving Calypso alone like she'd wanted him to. Which she was right to ask him to.
He was so much worse than a bad boyfriend. And there was nothing else that could be and needed to be said.
Barely holding back the tears threatening, he pushed forward towards Athena cabin and away from the girl who he was certain would never want to speak to him again.