The following is a non-profit work of fiction based on a much greater work. My Hero Academia is owned by Funimation, Studio Bones, Viz Media, Shueisha, and Kohei Horikoshi. Please support the official release.

UA-High-School-for-Heroes-and-My-Boy

This week started out like any other week…

"DEKU, YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!"

With an angry blond bitch looking to exercise his right to kill.

That's about it.

"Right on schedule, Bakugo," Izuku calmly spoke as he walked down the hall, not that his not-stepbrother could hear him to begin with as he was charging right at him. All Might did his usual shtick in kidnapping him that morning, so he was feeling like a trashy celebrity looking to become relevant again.

Just as Katsuki was within striking distance of his green haired target, he was struck from the back of the head by a small object. At first, Izuku thought it was a German spy looking to get some of that insurance premium they missed out on during the first 'Battle Trial' last week, but then he noticed the murder weapon… Earphone jacks…

"Midoriya, you're fucking dead!" Kyoka growled in a livid tone.

"Hey, Jiro. I was actually going to look for you later today—"

"Shut your mouth! You and your ass are coming with me, and I'm not going to ask twice!"

"Who's Twice?"

Apparently, sarcasm wasn't the way to approach the problem. Like a businessman in the mood for something kinky, Izuku was wrapped up by the punk girl's jack cords and taken away to pleasures unknown… minus the pleasure. She dumped him into broom closet and locked the door behind her.

"So, you're going to kill me in the broom closet? A decent place. Just make sure to use plenty of soap and bleach during the cleanup, dispose of my body in a place that won't be discovered for at least a few days, and make sure Asui doesn't find you."

"Can you shut up for—"

"She will eat you."

…

…

"Wait, wha—"

"I've seen her deepthroat a full sized tuna, one of the cheap ones, just last week. She might have some difficultly digesting your jacks, but other than that, you're fucked if she finds my scent on you."

It was a brief moment of processing before Kyoka resumed what she brought him here for.

"You know I had to endure an entire load of bullshit from that big, blond Boy Scout? And I covered for you just like you asked. You're going to pay up, now."

"Here, have some brownies." Izuku presented a bag of brownies from his backpack.

The girl was a bit dumbfounded at how quickly the greenette presented the treats and a bit insulted. All that bullshit for some brownies?! Is he fucking with her?!

"You really think you can make my mental scars better with fucking brownies, Midoriya?"

"My mom made them with her special recipe."

Her earphone jacks stood poised and ready to murder a fool. "And?"

"She usually makes them with over the counter pot, but these have some of Principal Midnight's greens. This is some high grade shit, hits way harder than the normal stuff."

…

Later

"I'M IN LOVE~ WITH A STRIPPER~!" sang an out-of-it Kyoka during class. Even high off her tits, her voice was heavenly.

"We are in the middle of class, fellow classmate!" Tenya, ever the stickler that never pops a stiffy, scolded the rocker girl as she sang her heart out. "Restrain yourself before you receive disciplinary action!"

"Shuddap, nerd! I feel fantastic! Feel my nipples!"

"Oh my All Might!"

"I'll be honest, I didn't think she'd eat all of the brownies in one sitting," Izuku muttered under his breath in slight surprise, Koji being the only one hearing it. He left the closet to kick Katsuki in the spuds while he was down, only to return to the closet with Kyoka having eaten all of the brownies. He was going to give some of them away to the non-Hero-Types that had to suffer through All Might's 'rescue training,' but if they were gone, oh well. At least his rare case of goodwill wasn't for nothing.

That being said, he's internally banging his head against a wall for not eating at least one of them before class. Because now he has to deal with every one of the Hero Types tweeting like off-key mockingbirds.

Why are they talking like nobody's business?

"And last on the agenda: The Hero Festival is coming in a few weeks. Good for you. Practice your Heroing or some shit. Whatever. Just don't bother me for the next few weeks."

And there you have it.

The Hero Festival is an event where the Hero Course could show off to the world and the other classes at U.A. It was a glorified advertising showcase of future Heroes. For those that chose to be there, it was a chance to show how heroic they are. Participation was mandatory. If not, they would have to suffer more training from their teachers… In layman's terms, non-Hero Types are fucked either way.

Izuku took the chance to leave the class after seeing no other reason to be there. Of course he was met with resistance from the Hero Types of the class, to which he threw a bag of white powder onto the ground to make a makeshift smokescreen.

Yes, he Batmanned his way out. Deal with it. Ignore the disgruntled shouts of a pissed off Eraserhead, as well. But don't ignore the shadowy figure in the back.

Izuku made a quick stop at Midnight's office to get rid of Tsuyu with another tuna and then he was on his way to… nowhere in particular. Maybe he could continue where he left off last week and check what rooms remained in this section of the school. Information is an asshole's best friend, afterall. And it sure as shit doesn't try to blow him up for existing.

"Now, where were we?" Izuku pondered as he pointed at the doors he passed the previous week. "Not that door. Hey, Hagakure."

"H-hi, M-Midoriya," Tooru replied from the room with the spectral orbs. She had been hiding there since before the weekend, crying her nonexistent eyes out from how mentally scarring the 'Rescue Training' was. At least she was amongst friends… even if all they do hiss at her when she tries to make conversation.

"Not that door. 'Sup rejects?"

"See?! Even this nobody thinks your work is crap! UNCRAP IT!" shouted an irate Present Mic.

"The succubus and meme goblin were in class, so no to the next two. And Principal Midnight was snuggling with her rat in her office, so that room is useless. Okay, next we have…"

Next door was… a supply closet.

"Goddamn it."

But just as he was going to leave to the next room Izuku was roughly shoved into the closet. He hit his head on a shelf hard enough to concuss a bald person, so he would be nursing a bump for the next few days. He was ready to punch his assailant in the nards and bust their kneecaps. That is until the would-be assassin assaulted him… by viciously planting her lips onto his and shoving her tongue down his throat.

Izuku was going to be honest… this would be the fourth best way to go. The first was suffocating on Mitsuki's bust in a bear hug. Second would probably be doing something stupid that involved Katsuki and a weapons arsenal. A close third would be him and his mom eating their weight in 'special brownies'.

Recalibrating his asshole of a brain, he finally got a look on the second party in this make out session. Weird shit #5 of the day is in the books.

Ochako was the one giving her mouth snake to Izuku's mouth cave.

"Hello, sexy," she said after separating their lips. And that's when the teenage boy noticed something completely different from the Hero Type girl. Her voice was a bit deeper and more lustful, something unheard of in a Hero Type. Everyone knows Heroes don't have sex drives… or a sense of logic that doesn't revolve around Hero-ing.

Then there's the fact that her eyes were bright yellow with a vertical slit for a pupil. It was far from the brown that he noticed when he went to die with her during the Entrance Exam.

"Shit, must have had a bad brownie before class and forgot about it."

'Ochako?'s smile stretched to a more predatory one as she leaned into Izuku's body, chest first.

"I can assure you this is all happening, stud."

"Then tell me why you're not acting like that big, blond asshole."

"You really want to talk? Or do you want to take these babies for a test drive?" The brunette took a hold of her breasts and gave them some experimental squeezes, shuddering at the sensation. "They're soft and perky~."

"Explanation. Now."

"Aw…" In clear disappointment, the brunette pulled away with a pout. "Why do the good ones have to be gay?"

"Not gay. More curious."

"Like I said."

"Just explain why you're acting like that damn succubus!"

"Ouch. That was rude. I'm more of a shape-shifter than some thirsty, lonely bitch." Seeing the greenette's glare sharpen, 'Ochako?' decided to finally humor him. "Okay, you win. You're lucky you're hot. Otherwise, I would have kept leading you on.

"For starters, my name is Himiko Toga. I'm 17 years old and I used to attend Not-Coruscant-from-Star-Wars Junior High. Keyword: 'used to', because I've been stuck in this sexy dumbass for almost two years. My Quirk is called 'Transform'. I can transform into anyone I want as long as I have a vague description of what I need. If I need to transform into an old hag, I transform into an old hag. If I need to turn into a kid, I turn into a kid. You get the idea. The only downside is if I run into the person I turned into, my soul get trapped inside of that person and my body… actually, I don't know what happened to my body. I know it walked away like nothing happened, but I still want it back.

"And now you're caught up. Any questions before I lose the blouse?"

Like a tuna about fight a swordfish, Izuku was speechless. A snarky comment typically breaks its way out of his mouth no matter what, so for him to draw up a blank is rare. He knew Quirks had the potential to be bullshit, but to see one as bullshit as this?

"What the fuck?" was the most intelligent thing Izuku could muster up.

"Yup…" Himiko quietly replied as she finished unbuttoning her blouse. "I really hope my dad found my body first. He's the only one that knows what to do when this happens."

"Are… you going to stay this way?"

"Oh? You want me that much, Izuku?" she asked as she dropped her skirt. At seeing the girl's bra and panties, she grimaced and muttered, "Ugh… basic as hell set."

"Yes, if only to add to the list of people I can talk too without having the urge to stab my eardrums. Or break their arm. Or make any sort of bodily harm in general."

"Well, you're going to have to hold off on that. I can already feel that idiot coming back. It was nice while it lasted, but its back to the back of her head for… shit, who knows how long." She redid one button on her blouse and replaced the skirt to keep from seeing the crappy undergarments.

"How did you take control, anyway?"

"That white powder. Whatever it was, it put the other dipshits on the ground and the others like you and I didn't react too much. Weird, huh?"

"That was Eraserhead's ' magic powder'. I was planning on throwing that shit away when I got a better supplier."

"Oh, so that's why the ugly caterpillar looked ready to choke a bitch."

"Yea— Wait, what?"

Himiko, in her scantily clad glory, opened the door to the make out— um… supply closet and proceeded to shout down the hallway. "HEY, ERASERHEAD! I FOUND YOUR MAGIC DRAGON KILLER!"

There was a brief moment of silence before the entire hallway was drowned in sound, in what could only be described as a guttural shout that could be heard through the vacuum of space… and possibly even time.

"Bye, beetch!"

And like that, Himiko left Izuku in the closet to be scalped by the embodiment of rage.

"Goddamnit, Toga," Izuku hissed in irritation.

Several Weeks Later

Apparently Eraserhead was trying to get off the 'magic powder' in order to follow up on Shirakumo's job offer, which required a strict drug test to qualify for an interview. As much as Izuku respected that, he wasn't going to stop playing with the 'magic powder', not after discovering he could use it to knock out Hero-Types… and communicate with Himiko, that too.

Now, it was time for the Hero Festival to commence.

And what an opening ceremony it was…

That Izuku didn't pay attention to because he too busy chipping away at his nails… with his nails. Most of the students were too enamored with the opening ceremony to notice, while the sane bunch was irritated to hell with his habit. It wasn't even a bad habit; he just did to piss them off.

After a lengthy explanation of what the students would be doing during the festival, they all prepared for the first event: 'Show Off like a Hero!'

In normal terms, it's an obstacle course. First one to the end wins.

Simple enough, right?

The average completion time for this event is about an hour, because the Hero-Types wouldn't stop showing off the entirety of the fucking event. And the audience eats it up like it was gold foil ice cream; short lived, expensive, lacking substance, and complete trash for someone with a functioning pallet.

With a horn that sounded an awful lot like All Might shouting 'Gooooo!', the race began…

…

With the goddamn Hero-Types posing for the cameras!

Some of those with sense began heading for the hallway that lead to the obstacles… Until they were stopped in their tracks by ice creeping up on their bodies.

Who could have done such a thing?!

"That should slow them down," Shoto muttered to himself.

Who else but Shoto Todoroki?

"Hey, wait! You can't leave us like this! We're going to freeze!"

"Ever heard of hypothermia, poopy face?!"

"I don't want my toes and fingers to get amputated!"

Who doesn't know about hypothermia and frostbite?

Also Shoto Todoroki.

"My only goal is to win. And to make my mother proud."

Who doesn't give a shit about the consequences of his actions?

Resident Shounen Protagonist, Shoto Todoroki.

"OUT OF THE WAY, YOU FUCKING EDGELORD!"

Who is about to be punted 300 meters by an extremely pissed off Katsuki Bakugo?

Not Shoto Todoroki.

The half and half boi froze bomb boi in midair before the attack. No one will be beating him in his battle for first place.

*PAWNCH*

Who got the Katsuki Bakugo treatment in the right eye by a passing Quirkless nobody?

SHOOOTOOOOOOO!

With the heterochromatic boi on the ground wondering how he went so wrong in life to get blindsided by an asshole, Izuku took a commanding lead in the race.

As he dashed around the hoops and ramps that populated the first stretch of the obstacle course, there was only one thing on his mind.

'MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!'

Translation: 'That money is mine!'

Explanatory Flashback

"So… listen, babe," Nemuri asked during one of her and Izuku's 'toasting' sessions.

"Yeah, what's good in da hood, Nemuri," Izuku replied high off his tits.

"You know that Hero Festival next week?"

"Yehhh… what about that butt hooooole?"

"I need you to do well in it." The school principal said in a 'rip off the bandage' kind of way.

A high was never killed so quickly when Nemuri said that dreaded sentence. Yet Izuku was on the receiving end of it with his relaxing time being turned to an anger induced one.

"What?" was what he replied in a 'are you fucking kidding me?' voice.

"Look, Izuku," the ravenette spoke in a stressed tone. "The school is running a bit low on funds. That whole shit storm at the USJ put us back a few months in the budget."

"That shit was the dumbasses fault, not Shirakumo's!"

"Damages don't give a shit over who caused them. Someone's still has to pay for them and since we're a private sector, we get funds from sponsorships and whatever the Hero Commission gives us."

"Then get the big, blond Boy Scout to ask for more money! They worship the shit he stomps on, anyway, so why is this a problem?!"

"Well… The Commission will only do it if… you do well in the Hero Festival… Since they know you're All Might's successor… Sorry, Izuku."

Izuku was at an impasse… Do what he was going to do on that day and take a trip to Osaka with his mom, leaving a straw dummy behind as a substitute. Or give his 'toasting' buddy a hand in her (school's) financial situation…

…

That first option is looking like a fresh slab of wangyu beef right now.

"I'll give you 100 million Yen (around $1,000,000) if you make it past the second round of the Fighting Tournament."

Fuck the beef! He's getting a goddamn bluefin tuna with that second option!

"Deal!"

"Oh, thank you. Now where were we?"

"Wondering how much money U.A. has for you to make that offer."

"Don't worry about that! Only the best for my new toasting buddy~!"

Explanatory Flashforward

Like a man possessed by a literal demon, Izuku was determined to get that tuna!

AN: Bluefin Tuna is expensive!

Anyway, the Sports— I mean, the Hero Festival is underway! Yay! What else can I say on this? Oh right… the Ochako/Himiko thing…

One of you asked how I update this story and… It's exactly like any other story. I write it, then I post it here. Unless you're asking how I update this story. In which case, I let my mind to go nuts. I'll leave at that since I'm worried I might leave behind a rant about how awfully cheesy the 'Conjuring' films are.

Okay, that's it from me! Stay safe out there!

-OmegaBox