"I've never been in a newspaper office before," commented Harley, as she and Jimmy stood outside the Daily Planet. "I'm kinda excited."
"You shouldn't be – it's no different from any other office," said Jimmy. "Especially in its objection to pets…"
"Don't worry, Jimmy," said Harley, checking to see that the twins were securely strapped in the stroller, and then petting the hyenas, whose leashes she had tied to it. "The babies know how to behave. Both the human and the fur babies."
"I hope you don't mind me saying, but those are the weirdest looking dogs I've ever seen," commented Jimmy, as he held open the door for Harley to push the stroller in. "What breed did you say they were?"
"African Carrionhounds," replied Harley. "Very rare."
"I'll say," agreed Jimmy, as they entered the elevator. "I've never even heard of them."
"Jimmy, there you are!" exclaimed Lois Lane, as they entered the office of the Daily Planet. "Have you seen the Joker's latest crime spree? Those jerks in Gotham get all the scoops."
"I think I'd rather be safe than at the center of the action, Lois," spoke up Clark Kent, standing up from behind his cubicle and adjusting his glasses. He noticed Harley staring at him, and he stared back, stunned, as he recognized her.
Before he could comment, however, Harley pointed straight at him and exclaimed, "Oh my God, it's Superman!"
"Where?" demanded Lois, rushing to the window behind them.
"Not out there – right there!" exclaimed Harley. "He's wearing glasses, but it's definitely him!"
"Who?" asked Lois, following where Harley was pointing. "Smallville here?" she asked, pointing at Clark and laughing. "Is that a joke? Because it's a pretty pathetic attempt at one. Geez, Jimmy, your girlfriend has got a weird sense of humor!"
"She's not my girlfriend," said Jimmy. "She's my neighbor, and she wants to do some research in our archives. I thought you wouldn't mind."
"I don't, but I don't like pets or kids much," said Lois, glancing from the hyenas to the stroller. "But as long as they're quiet and don't interrupt my work, I don't have a problem with it."
"Seriously, does nobody see that he's Superman?" asked Harley, still pointing at Clark.
"I'm not Superman, ma'am," said Clark. "My name is Clark Kent. And you are?"
"Columbina Delart," replied Harley.
"And that's your real name, is it?" asked Clark.
"I dunno. Is Clark Kent your real name?" retorted Harley, glaring at him.
"Yes, it's the name my parents gave me," replied Clark.
"Your alien parents, or your human parents?" asked Harley.
"For the last time, I'm not Superman!" snapped Clark.
"No, he definitely isn't," agreed Lois. "Superman is thrilling and exciting. Old Smallville here is lame and snoozeworthy."
"Are you actually blind?!" demanded Harley. "Geez, I can see why journalism is in the sorry state it's in if you can't even see what's right in front of you!"
"Maybe a lotta people can't see what's right in front of them," said Clark, pointedly. "And maybe if they want things to stay that way, they should stop throwing around wild accusations. On a completely unrelated note, I've heard that the Joker's latest murdering spree was prompted by his girlfriend leaving him and taking the kids, and that he has no idea where they are. I'm sure she wouldn't want anyone to tell him, would she?"
"Not likely," agreed Harley. She shrugged. "Ok, let's say you're not Superman. But it would actually be a good disguise for him. Nobody would ever believe that a journalist could be a hero, especially not in this day and age."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" demanded Lois. "You think you can do my job, sister?"
"What job?" demanded Harley. "Writing down your uninformed opinions and presenting them as facts? Or your other job, of getting into trouble and then waiting around for Superman to rescue you? No, I don't think I could do either of those jobs, actually – I think my brain would die. Which again, explains the state of modern journalism."
"Now ladies, let's calm down," said Clark, stepping in between them.
"Stay out of this, Smallville!" snapped Lois, shoving him aside. "Don't try to be a hero! You're not Superman, whatever this deluded woman thinks!"
"Oh yeah, I'm the deluded one," said Harley, sarcastically. "You're the one who can't recognize your boyfriend in glasses!"
"Ok, Columbina, why don't I take you to see the archives?" asked Jimmy, trying to keep the peace, as he took Harley's arm and guided her past the offices and into a large, dusty room filled with filing cabinets. Both the twins and the hyenas began sneezing, and Harley bent down to wipe their noses.
"People don't come here much, as you can see," explained Jimmy. "What with the internet and all…"
"I don't trust the internet – Big Tech censors everything," retorted Harley, going over to the files. "But print copies are forever, and they can't be changed on some corporate whim, unlike the internet."
"So what are we actually looking for?" asked Jimmy.
"The twins' father…had some dealings with the Joker," invented Harley. "That was why we left him, in fact. And I just need a complete record of all of the Joker's crimes, to see if I can figure out which ones he was involved in to turn him in to the cops."
Jimmy stared at her. "You need a complete record…of all of the Joker's crimes?" he repeated.
"Yeah, so we'll just start with the most recent crimes and go backwards," said Harley, reaching for the nearest filing cabinet. "Most issues should have some report or other, right? I know the Joker's a pretty prolific guy."
"Yeah, but Columbina, that's gonna be thousands and thousands of papers," said Jimmy. "It's gonna take days, weeks, months, maybe even years…"
"Well, I got nothing better to do!" laughed Harley. "Anyway, they have to be some fairly recent crimes, since the letter was sent fairly recently."
"What letter?" asked Jimmy.
"Oh…just before we left, my husband said the Joker had received a threatening letter from someone vowing revenge," said Harley, shrugging. "He said it was probably in relation to one of their crimes, and I wanted to figure out which one it was and nail him for it. He said the Joker took the letter seriously since it included a photo of him in his hideout to prove it wasn't a bluff."
"Well, that's weird," said Jimmy.
"Why?" asked Harley.
"Well, if whoever sent the letter knew where the Joker was hiding out, why not just shoot him then, instead of shooting a picture of him?" asked Jimmy. "Why threaten him instead? He'll be on his guard now, which will make killing him harder, so it seems kinda counterproductive. Do you know if the letter-writer wanted money or something?"
"He…didn't say," said Harley, slowly. "But I don't think it said anything about that."
"Don't you think that's strange?" asked Jimmy. "Threatening letters usually have a point, blackmail or ransom or something. If the only point is to show that they can kill someone, the story isn't so much the letter as the fact they didn't actually kill him, and preferred to threaten him instead. But why?"
"It's a good question," agreed Harley. "Let's see what else we can uncover by digging."
"Well, we can start with today's paper," said Jimmy, handing her a copy. "There's the Joker's latest crime. He's been doing this toxin bomb thing for about a week now, ever since his girlfriend broke up with him and took the kids. I guess this is how supervillains have mid-life crises!" he laughed.
"Yeah," agreed Harley, scanning the paper. She forced herself not to tear up at seeing the Joker's mugshot, and fortunately her attention was distracted by the twins suddenly crying. The hyenas nuzzled them in concern as Harley bent down to unbuckle them from the stroller.
"Hey, hey, babies, don't cry," she whispered. "Don't cry. Look. Look who that is!" she whispered, smiling as she held up Joker's picture. The twins instantly stopped crying, and began beaming and giggling, holding their hands out for the paper. Harley handed it to them, and they planted sloppy kisses on the picture of their father. They grew confused when he didn't seem to respond or move in any way, and the confusion started them crying again.
"Sorry, I think they need to be fed - will you excuse us, Jimmy?" asked Harley, turning to him.
"No problem at all," said Jimmy, heading out of the room. "I have some work to do anyway."
"Hey, Jimmy, can I talk to you?" asked Clark, intercepting him in the hallway.
"Sure, Clark," said Jimmy. "Got a lead you need me to tag along for? Let me just get my camera…"
"Uh, no, actually, I wanted to talk about your neighbor," said Clark, nodding toward the archive. "How long have you known her?"
"She just moved into my apartment complex about a week ago," said Jimmy. "She came from Gotham - told me she took the kids and left her husband after she found out he was working for the Joker. Pretty brave woman if you ask me."
"Yeah, brave," agreed Clark. "I mean, she'd have to be, putting up with him all these years…"
"What do you mean?" asked Jimmy, confused. "Do you know her husband?"
"No," lied Clark, hurriedly. "No, I've never seen her before. But there's just something about her – just a feeling. I'd stay away from her, Jimmy. I think she means trouble."
"Clark, I'm not going to keep away from a single mother who needs my help," retorted Jimmy. "That's not what a good man would do, and that's certainly not what Superman would do. And we all wanna be like Superman, right? He's the best role model."
"Yeah…yeah, he is," agreed Clark, slowly. "But Superman might stay away from this particular woman…"
"Why?" asked Jimmy.
Clark stared at him, conflicted. On the one hand, he didn't like Harley Quinn being in his city, and especially not in his office, particularly as she had almost blown his cover. On the other hand, Clark believed that she truly had left Joker for good, and in that case, a decent man would give her the opportunity to start a new life in a new city away from him. After all, Clark believed that Harley was a victim of the Joker, not an evil woman herself. He had no right to hold her past mistakes against her - that's not what a hero would do. But he didn't want Jimmy's life to be in danger in case Harley relapsed, or in case Joker found her somehow. He wasn't likely to be merciful to a man who was helping out the woman who had dumped him. But ultimately, Clark conceded that Jimmy was right – he needed to ask himself what Superman would do, and Superman would help out a woman in need. He wouldn't be Superman if he let fear hold him back from doing the right thing. And the right thing was to keep Harley's secret, and let her be.
"Just ignore me, Jimmy," said Clark, shaking his head. "I'm being silly. I just didn't like her accusing me of being Superman – to compare a hero to someone like me is very insulting to Superman."
"It sure is," agreed Lois, passing them. "You hang around with whoever you want, Jimmy, but that woman is nuts."
"She's not nuts – she's a strong woman who's trying to cope with twin babies and two dogs on her own," retorted Jimmy. "I think we can cut her some slack for her mistakes, don't you?"
"I do," said Clark, fervently hoping he wasn't making a mistake by doing so.