Chapter 8: The Celebration

Somehow, Charlie actually won.

Dr. Banerji made a miraculous recovery and sung Charlie's praises to the board, tipping the scale in her favor. She was unanimously cleared of the charges and reinstated. Even though she watched it all unfold, she still couldn't believe it really happened.

She really won… She defended herself and proved that she was a competent, dedicated doctor who cared for her patients. She secured her spot as a resident at Edenbrook and could finish her training. The terrifying trial had turned into a light at the end of the tunnel. In her wildest dreams, Charlie couldn't have come up with this, and even if she had, she couldn't have anticipated the celebration that ensued.

Donahue's had never been so crowded. It was as if all of Edenbrook had emptied out into the old bar, claiming every square inch for their own revelry. It wasn't every day that a plucky young resident beat the system and won a career-altering ethics trial, and nobody wanted to miss the celebration. Even Landry made it to the occasion, though he kept to himself in the only quiet booth in the entire bar.

Charlie couldn't take a breath without someone raising a toast and cheering her name with the offer of a new tequila shot. As tempted as she was to knock back every free drink and join the party, something stopped her.

Her eyes scanned the party as if in desperate search, silently greeting each face with disappointment.

He's not here.

"Looking for someone?" Sienna asked, watching her friend's eyes flit to each corner of the room.

"Hmm?" Charlie hummed absently, chewing on the straw of her half-finished drink.

"Maybe a missing attending?" Sienna prodded, still waiting for Charlie to meet her knowing gaze. Charlie resisted letting her eyes meet those of her dear friend because she knew that honesty would follow, and Charlie didn't want to be honest.

She didn't want to admit that she'd been watching the door the entire party, wishing that every well-meaning friend could have been someone else. She wanted to lie and say that she was more satisfied by the presence of her closest colleagues and friends. She wanted to shrug off the deep need inside of her to see his face. She wished that she didn't want to celebrate with him and only him.

So, instead, she ignored Sienna's accusation, "What do you mean?"

He's not here, the words echoed in the back of her mind, and Charlie took a long sip of her mixed drink to drown them out.

"Maybe Dr. Ramsey?" Sienna's eyebrows grew closer together, concern slowly etching across her face. Why was Charlie being so nonchalant? Why wouldn't she look at her?

Sienna opened her mouth to directly confront Charlie and force the truth from her lips, but before she could, a surgical resident interjected.

"Dr. Ramsey?" the resident slurred, grabbing her round of shots from the bartender and leaning across Charlie's chair to loudly whisper, "A nurse on duty told me that he's in the Chief's office right now. Apparently, he's signing paperwork to go back to his old job."

Charlie's blood ran cold.

"His old job?" Charlie repeated.

"Can you believe it? I mean, he's hot but such an asshole! I can't believe they hired him back," the resident held up a shot, "We should get as fucked up as we possibly can before he's back!"

"Yeah," Charlie's forced laughter was enough to convince the surgical resident to offer her a shot, and this time, Charlie accepted. Weakly holding it up in a toast, she knocked back the shot and waited for the cheap tequila's burn to drown out her thoughts.

His old job.

The one that kept them apart.

The reason he stayed away.

And just like that, an unspoken fear settled deep in her belly.

I'm going to lose him, the thought was fleeting, and Charlie did her best to pretend it never happened at all. Because, if she admitted it was there, it would be real.

And it couldn't be real.

Their time together had been short, but did that devalue its meaning? It was one weekend, but it was the product of a year of yearning and silently adoring. Last week, it was just a connection, a strange draw she struggled to explain, but now… it was more. Wasn't it?

He promised me that he would stay, she reminded herself softly. The memory was cast in warm, golden sunlight. It was a summer day in the middle of winter. It was more than just a product of circumstance. It meant something…

She thought back to the night before in Naveen's cabin. Something about it felt far away now in way that it hadn't only an hour before, but if she thought about it enough, she could feel Ethan's delicate kiss on her nose. Maybe the hazy, comforting warmth that filled them – that strange feeling that lingered on the tip of her tongue yet remained unsaid – maybe that was more than the rules that governed the last year.

Could it all go back to the way it was before? Was their growth merely a mirage shared by two damaged, destitute doctors?

"Charlie, are you okay?" Sienna was by Charlie's side now, drink no longer in hand. Instead, she was now holding Charlie's hand, offering the support that she knew her friend needed, but Charlie didn't take it. If she told herself that she didn't need it, she didn't, right?

"Of course," Charlie was smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes, "I mean, who really thought Dr. Ramsey could stay away from Edenbrook? And who cares? Tonight's about me anyways."

"But, you two-" Sienna tried, knowing that Charlie was on a collision course to something dark and painful if she continued to neglect it, but there was no changing Charlie's mind. She was in a bar full of distractions and surrounded by people who wanted to distract her.

"Come on, I just won the ethics trial of a lifetime," Charlie squeezed her hand back, "Because of you guys! So, let's focus on that."

Sienna hesitated but nodded anyway. Collecting a new drink from the bartender, she held it up in celebration, "To Charlie Greene!"

"To Charlie Greene!" the bar echoed, embracing Charlie with enthusiasm and pride.

Even without the copious amounts of alcohol, it was intoxicating. For weeks, Charlie had been plagued by self-doubt, public suspicion, and overarching danger, but now, the cloud was lifted. It was a happy ending she never let herself hope for. The dedicated, ethical intern beat the system and won her career. Even her opponents were willing to engage in the intoxicating revelry. Tonight, everyone loved Charlotte Greene. But would they tomorrow?

Winning a trial didn't determine smooth sailing for the rest of her career, and it was unlikely that everyone in this bar would remain her ally. Yet, under the neon lights and thundering bar banter, tomorrow didn't really seem to exist.

But even if it was out of sight, tomorrow existed. Reality existed. And even if she became so good at pretending to not think about Ethan Ramsey that she almost fooled herself, she was still thinking of him and waiting for him to step through the front door to Donahue's.

"That was fucking miraculous, Charlie!" Bryce had to yell over the music to get Charlie's attention. He could have easily moved their conversation to the quieter booths in the back of the bar, but because he wanted to keep dancing and had already paid for the next 3 songs on the juke box, he kept them on the dance floor. Bryce took Charlie's hand and spun her with flourish, flashing a bright grin, "The woman of the hour!"

"Now, I just need someone else to fuck up and take some of the spotlight," Charlie smirked, spinning back into Bryce's arms. He was warm and comforting and distracting.

"You had the spotlight long before you fucked up, and I'll make you enjoy it," Bryce shook his head in playful admonishment. With a wicked grin, he yelled into the bar, "Speech! Speech!"

Charlie's face twisted with horror, watching as the rest of the bar picked up his chant. Before she could stop him, Bryce ushered her to a booth, holding her hand as she stepped onto the booth to look over the crowd.

"Okay, okay," Charlie tried to soothe the crowd, "I'll give a speech."

Now, she could see that the crowd around her had familiar faces. They were people she saw every day, and that made the lump in her throat even larger. She was touched by their cheers but intimidated by their familiarity. Had all of these people really just witnessed the most vulnerable point in her life and come to a bar to congratulate her?

"I wouldn't be here without you!" Charlie admitted, "Without my friends or my colleagues or…" Charlie trailed off, suddenly aware of how true her speech had become, "I couldn't have survived today. Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you."

There were several "awe"s and "how sweet"s mixed into the cheers, but Charlie hardly noticed them for Kyra's surprise hug. Nearly falling off the booth, Charlie stabilized herself by holding onto Bryce's shoulder and stepped off the booth carefully.

"We love you, Charlie!" Kyra crooned in her ear, making Charlie laugh.

"That was gross," Jackie muttered, her arms crossed but a smile betraying her nonchalance.

"It was amazing, and you know it," Elijah countered.

"I'm serious," Charlie insisted, looking to each of her closest friends as they circled around her, "I couldn't have done it without you. If you hadn't helped me yesterday, I would have ruined my entire career."

"We only saved your ass a little bit," Bryce smirked, draping his arm over Kyra, and she elbowed his side in return.

"You were saving a man's life. We'd have to be assholes to not help," Jackie said it like it was too obvious to have to explain, earning Charlie's adoring smile in return.

"Accept the 'thank you'," Charlie demanded.

"Fine, but I'll need a tequila shot to do it."

"Coming right up," Charlie accepted Jackie's conditions, leaving her friends and heading to the bar. As she moved through the crowd, she was stopped by well-wishers, each with something encouraging to add. Even Zaid was supportive.

She should have reveled in the positivity, saving it up for her next bad day, but unease settled in her chest.

After everything she'd been through, she hadn't had a moment to process any of it – the trial, the outcome, Ethan, Naveen, Landry… As the anxiety spread through her body, she became even more overwhelmed. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Landry walking towards her, and she instinctively ducked into the crowd, moving in the opposite direction. Tonight was her night, and she didn't want Landry to complicate it any further. At best, he wanted to talk about last night, and at worst, he wanted to talk about their entire relationship. Maybe she'd let him explain himself, but not tonight.

And as she tried to avoid him, she caught sight of someone else.

Rafael.

A flash of guilt momentarily paralyzed her.

She tried to reason herself out of it. There no real reason to feel guilty… She and Raf were never actually together. Their relationship was built on mutual attraction, appreciation, and stolen kisses in the moonlight. No promises were ever made, and she hadn't technically done anything wrong by spending the weekend with Ethan.

But her guilt defied reason. With or without explicit commitment, Charlie knew that she could have loved Rafael. She could have fallen into his arms and been happy. But then Ethan happened.

Not wanting to face him either, Charlie turned yet again.

She wasn't moving towards the bar now. She didn't even realize she was walking towards the door until her hand was on the door handle, twisting it and pushing open the door.

Charlie stepped out of the party, and her senses felt attacked by the fresh air and gentle lull of the city. Closing the door behind her, Charlie leaned onto the exterior brick wall of Donahue's, gulping in the fresh air in attempt to catch her breath. Closing her eyes, she let the sound of the party fade into the background. They were all there for her, but deep down, Charlie wished she could have just run.

"Rookie."

Charlie's eyes flew open, taking in the sight before her.

It was Ethan. She absently noted to herself that it was Ethan, not Dr. Ramsey, standing in front of her. Even if he returned to Edenbrook tomorrow morning, he was still just Ethan tonight.

"Hey," Charlie's voice was soft, but her eyes never left his.

Ethan awkwardly looked down, hands in his pocket as he sheepishly apologized, "Sorry that I'm late."

"It's okay. You're here now," Charlie was surprised at how much she meant what she said. Even though she'd spent all night looking for him, just seeing him now was enough. The fear of losing him that had been slowly building since she left him with Naveen last night felt dangerously close to the surface, but somehow, she was smiling at him.

When her world was falling apart, she wanted Ethan Ramsey – even if he was the cause of her anxiety.

Ethan nearly flinched at her words. On the walk to Donahue's from Edenbrook, he'd prepared what he would say to her. He'd created a pragmatic, efficient explanation to why he had taken back his old job and what that would mean for their relationship, but he hadn't counted on her looking at him like that – or how happy he was to see her, too.

"I, um," Ethan faltered, forgetting the speech he'd planned, "I…"

"You owe me, you know," Charlie cut him off. She knew what he was about to say, but she wasn't ready to hear it.

"I do?" Ethan was confused but secretly grateful for the distraction.

"You owe me a raincheck on a night at your apartment," Charlie explained, her gaze never leaving his.

"Oh…" Ethan nodded, "I suppose I do."

Glancing at the party over her shoulder, she shrugged softly, "I was getting a bit overwhelmed anyway. How about now?"

Ethan knew he was supposed to say no. He was supposed to tell her the truth and set her free. He was supposed to expose himself as a disappointment and earn her hatred, but he didn't. He wasn't ready to say goodbye.

"Are you sure? Don't you want to celebrate with your friends?" Ethan glanced at the bar. Even from outside, he could hear Bryce urging Kyra to do body shots with him.

"I'm sure," Charlie assured him, silently adding, I wanted to be with you anyway.

"Okay then," Ethan agreed, pulling out his phone to order a car. As they waited, Ethan leaned against the brick exterior alongside Charlie, his hand slowly finding hers. Tangling their fingers together, Ethan gave her a reassuring squeeze.

I'm sorry, he thought to himself.

Squeezing his hand back, Charlie wished she could have screamed, Please, stay.

If they had it their way, they would have stayed like that until their car arrived, but just when they least expected it, the door to Donahue's flung open.

Instantly dropping each other's hands, Charlie and Ethan tried to act casual as they moved away from each other, both clearly flustered.

Landry emerged from the bar, looking downtrodden and guilt-ridden. He stopped when he saw the two doctors on the side of the building, squinting as if he doubted his own eyes. Could that be…?

"Charlie? Dr. Ramsey?"

"Hey, Landry," Charlie blurted out. Shit, he didn't see anything, did he?

"We were just discussing a patient," Ethan blurted out. Charlie tried not to grimace at his poor attempt at subtlety. Neither of them had even worked in the hospital for a week. How could they be discussing a patient?

"Oh, Dr. Banerji," Landry seemed oblivious to the obvious blunder of Dr. Ramsey, stepping closer to them, "I was so happy to see how quickly he recovered."

"Right," Ethan nodded, amazed that Dr. Olsen had saved him without realizing it. What were the chances that Dr. Olsen was the only one who knew he still had an active patient? "He's weak now, but I anticipate a full recovery. Thank you for your work, Dr. Olsen."

"I'm just happy I could be of help," Landry beamed at the compliment. He looked back to Charlie, pausing before saying, "I was actually hoping to speak to you, Charlie."

"Oh?" Charlie swallowed, eyeing the road in fear that Ethan's car would arrive and expose them.

"I wanted to say goodbye," Landry began, "I'm transferring to Mass Kenmore."

Charlie was surprised to not feel the excitement she expected. If she had heard this yesterday, she would have jumped for joy and reveled in her newfound freedom. But after everything that happened, she just found herself saying, "Good luck, Landry."

He smiled appreciatively, "You, too, Charlie."

Charlie nodded, waving him goodbye as he walked away and disappeared into the city.

Charlie and Ethan both waited silently to make sure he was gone before speaking.

When she was sure he was gone, Charlie turned to him, failing to hold in her laughter.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Ethan asked incredulously, turning to look at her. Her laughter was adorable, and even if she was laughing at him, it was contagious.

"We were talking about a patient? Very subtle," Charlie teased, momentarily forgetting about the fear that had consumed her only minutes before.

"Oh, and you were so subtle staring at the road the entire time. You looked like you were planning your grand getaway," Ethan didn't hesitate to return fire, leaning his shoulder against the wall as he watched her laugh. Even painted in the red neon glow of Donahue's sign, she was so beautiful.

This time, Ethan didn't feel a wave of guilt as he admired her. It was as if they were free, if just for now. Tomorrow, he would return to Edenbrook and become her superior again, and tonight, he would have to tell her. But right now, they could just laugh.

"I thought the car would come!" Charlie defended herself, arms crossed, "What were we going to do then?"

"I don't know. Maybe lead a secret expedition to the suburbs to diagnose a patient," Ethan was feeling bold, and he was quickly rewarded with a look of shock and feigned outrage on Charlie's face.

Swatting at him, she shook her head, "Oh, so you are a little mad at that?"

"Of course, I was! Instead of calling a famed diagnostician, you enlisted the help of the one intern who you trust the least. How could I not be offended?" Ethan smirked, "There's also the question of my pride. My protégé solved a medical mystery because she was yelling at someone in a public library, not because of my mentorship or dedicated research."

Charlie made a show of rolling her eyes, leaning her temple to the wall as she looked up at him. Sometimes, she forgot how much taller he was. Usually, she remembered because he was being an asshole at work and used his height to solidify his superiority, and she would mutter something like "that fucking giraffe" to try and put them back on equal playing fields. Tonight was the first time that she'd noticed it innocuously. It was just another part of Ethan.

And he was so handsome when he was laughing… When he was smiling like this, there were little crinkles on the sides of his eyes, a sign that he'd actually been happy once in his life. Old man, she thought playfully. She wanted to point them out and remind him of her comparative youth. The last time she'd done that was in his bed…

Charlie's smile faltered slightly, a lump forming in her throat as she realized the finality of the moment. This was likely the last time she would share playful emotional intimacy with Ethan, and she didn't really want to waste it by calling him an old man.

"You know why I did it, though," Charlie reminded him, her voice much softer now.

Ethan nodded thoughtfully. Nobody had ever gone out of their way to protect him like that, except for maybe Naveen. If someone hid something, it was either to avoid his disapproval or to prove their dominance. He wasn't used to someone having such pure motives.

He was struck by the idea that Charlie would have done anything for him. Hell, she already had. She'd lied to her friends and colleagues for months while secretly studying Naveen. She'd helped fight Declan Nash and made him an enemy on the basis of Ethan's distrust of him. She'd even gone back to the scene of a fire to get a toy for Delores's baby, and she'd stayed with him to make sure that baby made it through the night.

And what had Ethan done for Charlie in return?

He'd taken his old job back.

What an asshole, he thought to himself.

"I do," Ethan acknowledged, his hand tentatively reaching for hers once more.

There wasn't time to say much else. Soon, Ethan's car arrived, and they had a choice to make.

"Are you sure you want to come with me?" Ethan asked, hand on the car door as he looked back at Charlie. There were so many layers to his question, so many unspoken words, and so many unnamed feelings wrestling for dominance.

Charlie thought about all of the people celebrating her victory in the bar. They thought she was a hero, and they were full of compliments and congratulations. They were safe and supportive, and if she'd gone back in, she knew she wouldn't have to go through this pain. She could bury it and pretend she'd never loved Ethan Ramsey.

But, deep down, they both knew that Charlie wasn't going to say no.

Without a hint of hesitation, Charlie crossed the distance and nodded her head, "Yeah, I'm sure."