A/N: yeah sorry about that long wait but the first thousand words or so were really hard to get through for some reason. it all felt so DUMB to me and i didnt get why so i just pushed through! in the meantime i read about a fifth of all the tropes available on tv tropes dot com so i did accomplish SOMETHING (sarcasm).

viii. 'cause i never believed there was a heaven 'til i found you.

Kuonji was a savior. That was just who he was, a savior, a hero.

Tono was a college student before. Megane worked at a movie theater (selling murder propaganda for the masses, said Kuonji). Misaki had been at a bus station, a teenage runaway. Tsubasa was a high-schooler back then. Nobara had been kicked out of her parents' house. Luna had been sitting on the curb, drenched in rain with makeup running down her face.

Kuonji found lovers, hurt and wounded people, angels with their wings clipped. He found broken birds and mended them, making them whole again, but better… happier, more loved, freer.

Kuonji had screamed one morning, waking the rest of them. He'd been in the hall, near the front door, and most of the rest of them had been in bed still.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SAID NO?!"

There was a loud crashing sound, then some angry but low muttering, and then silence.

They had emerged from the bedroom. Persona was stock still, rigid and frowning. Kuonji was standing, calm and composed, like nothing had happened, that little smile on his mouth.

"Good morning," he greeted them. "Come, let's eat."

He left a white-faced Persona in his wake, who blinked once before walking briskly out the door.

The only proof that the scream had actually happened, that it wasn't all in their heads, was the hole in the wall. It was a huge gaping reminder-like Tsubasa's broken hand, like Luna's banishment, like the hard slap on Misaki's face-that Kuonji could be pushed too far. That he could destroy just as quickly as he could heal.

He was savior and destroyer all in one and that's what made him a god.

He mended their broken wings, but he could just as easily clip them again.

Natsume's bed smelled wonderful. That was Mikan's only coherent thought when she got under the covers.

Part of her had wanted him to sleep beside her too, and maybe that part was creepy, but it didn't make it any less true.

She hadn't taken a shower in two years. The family's baths consisted of dipping into lakes or hosing each other down, or filling big tubs in the backyard to splash around in. Natsume's shower didn't have the nicest water pressure, but it was still lovely. And then there was the pervasive thought that Natsume had been in that same space before too, that those shampoo bottles were his, that the bars of soap were his, that he had put the curtain up himself. It made it all so much warmer, so much nicer.

And the towel was his. And he'd bought that toothbrush. That hairbrush was his. It was all his, and her stomach was in knots from the excitement of actually being able to witness it all.

She'd made assumptions about the way he'd been living, plenty of daydreams and hypotheticals, but she hadn't known for sure. This was all much more than she'd expected, particularly when she emerged from the bathroom, cozy in his sister's PJs, just to see him on his knees, offering her food.

Precious, she'd thought. Dear. Incredible. Sweet. Lovely.

She'd wanted to know about his nice side, ever since that girl in the lobby had mentioned it, and now she was seeing it and it was so much better than anything she could've imagined.

Mikan snuggled into the covers, smushed her nose into the pillow, inhaled his scent, and let herself be giddy with the memory of him saying her name.

When Mikan woke up, he was nowhere to be found.

She got up out of bed, but she decided not to snoop around, despite the obvious temptation, because that would be creepy and he wouldn't like that. After all the kindness he'd let her see last night, she couldn't bear to do something that would irritate him. Not now.

But if she wasn't snooping, there wasn't much she could do. Her clothes from yesterday had vanished somewhere and she didn't want to fish something out of his little kitchen to eat without his permission.

She brushed her teeth, imagining what he looked like when he woke up in the morning.

But he had told her that he had trouble sleeping. Her stomach knotted with worry at the thought that he hadn't slept at all, despite her snoozing away on his bed. To think, some people had such distressing problems…

It explained why he was always at the store so late. Mikan was nocturnal half the year, but getting sleep had never been an issue. He must have a job too, something to pay the bills, a tiresome occupation. He was probably a cog in a terrible murder machine, like Megane had been, like Mikan had been, like they'd all been.

It would be a kindness to invite him to her family again, to do the work Kuonji had asked her and Luna to do. She should, after all, because it would save him.

Yes, invite him to join the family again, have him move in with them, eat with them, belong to all of them.

Mikan wondered why she hated that idea so much.

She spat the toothpaste into the sink and blinked in confusion at how she'd upset herself.

The front door opened and Mikan jumped out of the bathroom to see Natsume holding a paper bag and a cup-holder with two drinks in it.

"Good morning, Natsume!" she exclaimed, eager to say his name out loud again.

"Ngh." She'd hoped he'd say her name again too, and maybe smile big at her, but she should've known better. He set the bag and cup-holder down on the table. "I bought breakfast. I'll drive you to the hospital later so we can find out if you're concussed."

Mikan remembered then why she was staying at Natsume's at all: because Luna had hit her head and she'd had trouble standing up and walking properly. This morning she was feeling great, but that meant that she'd leave Natsume sooner. Why would he want her in his apartment if she was just fine? There'd be no point.

"I might just be," Mikan mumbled. "If I am, then what will we do?"

Natsume shrugged, sitting in the chair he'd sat in last night. Mikan sat in her chair, delighting at how familiar the act was already.

"What'd you get us?"

"Breakfast sandwiches and coffee."

"You like coffee, huh?"

"Yeah."

Natsume reached into the bag and pulled out the food, a sandwich for each of them. Then he handed Mikan a coffee. "Eat up," he said, immediately following his own instruction.

They were eating breakfast together, yet another hot meal. It all felt so right, like she fit perfectly in this strange foreign life.

She wanted to share lots of meals with him. She wanted to spend more time with him and sit in her chair across from his and get to chat for hours. She'd wanted all of this from the start, but he was only letting her taste it now, a limited time offer.

But her time was running out and then everything would go back to the way things were, and she'd have to stay away from him, just like she'd promised before.

There was a way to keep him forever, even though it bothered her.

"Natsume," she mumbled, not in the mood to savor saying his name.

"Yeah."

"Why do you like being alone?" she asked, taking a small nibble of her sandwich.

His eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not alone. I already told you, I have a sister and a friend and I talk to them all the time."

"You're alone anyway. You're alone because you always take care of yourself. You don't let others do it for you. Why is that?"

She watched his expression revert back to a careful apathy. He scoffed. "I have said this a million times but I am a fucking adult. I take care of myself because that's what adults fucking do."

"Alright," Mikan said, her voice small. "I'll get to the point then. Are you sure you don't wanna join our family?"

Natsume's eyes met hers and she shrunk under the scrutiny of his glare. "I'm positive,"he growled. "I'll never change my mind. I'm not interested in living in squalor and smoking weed all day and pretending like that's some kind of rebellion."

"Huh?" Mikan dropped her sandwich. "Rebellion? We aren't rebels, Natsume! We're people!"

"Alright, fine, whatever you say. I'm not interested, so drop it."

"But-"

"Drop it."

Mikan's mouth snapped close.

They finished their sandwiches and coffee in silence.

Natsume took Mikan down to the parking lot, letting her hold his arm so she didn't trip. The truth was, Mikan was feeling much better and didn't need to hold onto him at all, but he had offered and she hadn't been able to tell the truth when it probably meant that he'd rescind the offer.

He opened the shotgun door for her, and Mikan suddenly remembered watching movies and reading books and little stories all over of perfect gentlemen holding doors open for people. But he wasn't really being a perfect gentleman, since he was only doing it because he thought she couldn't do it herself.

That didn't stop her heart from thrumming.

The radio played as he drove, and she stared at his face. He looked relaxed when he was driving, like his mind was elsewhere, and it made his features softer. She stared at him the whole ride, her smile spreading wider and wider the longer they drove for, especially when so many of the songs on this edgy station were about love and beauty. How fitting.

He parked at the hospital garage and opened the door again, holding his arm out for her to take.

"Natsume, I'll be honest with you," she said softly, sadly. "I can walk just fine. I'm feeling a lot better after sleeping. I don't want to take advantage of you."

"Okay," he said, his arm dropping back to his side. "Get moving, then."

"We're still going inside?"

"You could still be concussed and I'd fucking hate it if you were actually hurt and we didn't check, so… uh… yeah."

"Aw," Mikan gushed, her face turning pink. "You're actually concerned about me!"

"You're a person who might be in need of medical care, so I'm just doing my duty as a friendly neighbor," he said, his voice cold. It contrasted his mouth, the corners of which were twitching upwards with amusement. "Nothing more."

"Nah…" she slammed the door closed and pressed against his side. "You care. You like me."

"I despise you." There was still the hint of a smile on his lips, so Mikan could tell that was a lie. She wanted to hug him.

"That's too bad," she said instead, moving forward through the garage and watching him slowly trudge after her. "Because I like you quite a bit."

"Yeah, I know, you're fucking obsessed with me."

"Just a little." She shrugged and slowed down to let him catch up so they could walk in stride. "So are we going to the ER?"

"Do you feel your situation is an emergency?"

"Not really."

"Yeah, well we're going to Urgent Care anyway, so good. We're just getting you checked up on, so no need to clog up the ER waiting room."

"That makes sense."

They entered the elevator to take them to the third floor, where the urgent care center was. Then Natsume led her down hall after hall. He seemed so purposeful, almost like he'd been there many times, like he knew exactly where he was going. She couldn't doubt him at all, so she didn't even glance at the signs or even the directory to see if they were going in the right direction. She had no need.

And sure enough, they arrived at the center in no time, at the front desk where a nurse was waiting to check them in.

"Fill this out," the nurse said, offering them a clipboard with a pen attached to it. "And we'll call you when it's your turn with a doctor."

They sat in the faded purple chairs against the far wall, the only chairs with any privacy.

"You do that," Natsume said, leaning back in his seat and pulling out his phone.

"Okey dokey, artichokey!" Mikan agreed, filling out her name and then crossing out all the symptoms on the checklist. "You know I haven't been to the doctor in years."

"Pfft. Me either."

"Really?" Mikan cocked her head to the side. "You seemed familiar with this place, so I thought maybe you came here all the time, like you were a hypochondriac or something."

"Nah…" Natsume shrugged, his eyes glued to his phone screen. "I used to go to urgent care every once in a while. Bruises and cuts and occasional broken limbs. I mostly took care of them myself but my dad sometimes insisted. It's not a big deal."

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely, her heart breaking at just the idea of blood on the outside of his body.

"Yeah, well, like I said, it's not a big deal," he said, his eyes still on his phone. His shoulders were tense and Mikan figured he was uncomfortable talking about this. "Besides, you've been through worse, since your sister tried to kill you and all."

"She's not my sister."

"Really?" Natsume snickered. "I just thought so, since you were family and all."

"Well, we're not blood related, but family doesn't have to be to still be family!"

"Fill out your sheet."

Mikan pouted and turned back to the paper. It was easy to fill out, and once she was done, Natsume pointed wordlessly to the nurse at the desk, so she skipped over to that direction to hand the sheet over.

"Alright, Sakura-san, the doctor should be able to see you soon. Please take a seat until then." The nurse smiled and Mikan grinned in return, before quickly returning to her favorite insomniac's side.

"Hey," she said, leaning her chin on his shoulder once she was seated beside him.

"What?"

"After this doctor's appointment, you're gonna put me back on the streets-"

"I thought you had a nice home," Natsume said emotionlessly.

"-So don't you think we should chat before that happens and we never see each other again?"

"Couldn't happen soon enough," he quipped.

"I know you don't mean that, so talk to me."

Natsume rolled his eyes, but he turned his phone off and slipped it back into his pocket. He turned to her, forcing her to move her face away. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How come your eyes are red?" she asked.

"Nevermind, I'm going back on my phone."

"No! I'm seriously curious!"

"I don't know. I was born with them, just like my sister and my mom and my grandparents. How come your eyes are brown?"

"Yeah, but a lot of people have brown eyes. You're the only person I've ever met with red eyes."

"Sorry to disappoint but it's genetic. I wasn't dropped in a vat of toxic waste or anything."

"I was thinking more that you were a vampire, but okay."

"Not that either."

Natsume didn't go back on his phone, despite his threat. Mikan leaned her head against the wall and stealthily pressed her arm against his. He didn't seem to notice, but she sure could.

"You know, maybe you should fill a sheet out too," she suggested. "We're already here, and you haven't been in a while, so maybe you could ask about your…" She looked around herself before whispering, "...Insomnia."

He elbowed her. "It's not a secret, dumbass."

"It's weird what you're comfortable sharing with some people and not others," Mikan mused, thinking of how stubborn Natsume had been about hiding his name from her despite his random neighbor getting to learn it very quickly.

"And this is urgent care, not a check-up. I should see a doctor, but I rarely have the time."

"What about right now?" Mikan got up and rushed back to the front desk, where the nurse was filling out some paperwork. "Hello, ma'am! Can I get another of those sheets, for my friend?"

The nurse cheerfully obliged and Mikan delivered the clipboard to Natsume, who looked unimpressed.

"Really?"

"You can just ask him about your insomnia. That's urgent, isn't it?"

Natsume stayed still, so Mikan decided to take a seat and fill it out for him. "Alright, so tell me how to write your name."

Natsume narrowed his eyes.

"Alright we'll skip the name for now. Date of birth."

"No."

"Symptoms? Let's see. Insomnia… Trouble sleeping, headaches?" Natsume just stared at her so she nodded sagely. "Yes, quite severe…" She filled out the symptoms, then handed the clipboard to Natsume.

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Medical care is important, Natsume! A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body."

"Too late for a sound soul," Natsume muttered under his breath.

"I heard that, you downer! Just fill it out or I'm backing out of my promise to stay away from you." Mikan didn't mention that her feelings were hurt by that promise, and he didn't say anything either, turning to fill the form on her instruction.

When he was done, she took the clipboard to the front for him. "Hey, nurse?"

The nurse looked up at her from her papers. "Yes?"

"Can me and my friend go in for our appointments together, by any chance?"

"Some patients want their privacy," the nurse said hesitantly, glancing in Natsume's direction.

"Not exactly an issue here," Mikan said dismissively, waving a hand away. Besides, if they were really supposed to stay away from each other forever, then Natsume shouldn't care how much she did or didn't know. And Mikan was gonna take as much as she could get while she could. "It's probably easier and quicker if we do ours together, right?"

"I mean, yes…" The nurse glanced down at the papers and then swallowed decisively. "Sakura-san and Hyuuga-san? Very well, you can have your care with one doctor at the same time."

"Thank you so much! You're the greatest!"

Mikan skipped back to her seat. They only had to wait about fifteen minutes before the nurse called their names.

They got up and the nurse ushered them to an observation room. "The doctor should be with you soon!"

Natsume turned to Mikan. "Why are we in the same room?"

"Would you look at that!" Mikan exclaimed. "Must be cutbacks. Saving money and time by having parties get checked in together."

"You asked for this, didn't you?"

"I might have suggested it, but the nurse did it, not me."

"Fine, but if I ask you to step out, you do, okay?"

"Of course!"

Natsume sat on the exam table, on top of the crinkly paper, and Mikan didn't hesitate before hopping on right beside him. Before he could complain, the doctor entered, a woman with a pleasant face and long hair.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Yamanouchi. You two are Hyuuga Natsume and Sakura Mikan, correct?"

"Yes!"

"Yeah."

"Wonderful. You both wanted to do this check in together?" Her voice was a bit skeptical, like she was waiting for an immediate protest.

"Yes, together would be nice," Mikan answered.

Yamanouchi turned to Natsume with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh… yeah, sure."

"Alright, well, if you're both consenting, then it's easier for me." She filed through the pile of papers in her hands before looking up at Mikan. "So you're here because you hit your head?"

"I sure did!"

"How did you hit your head?"

Natsume scoffed, but Mikan kept a grin on her face. "I hit it right here, in the back."

"Let me see."

Yamanouchi observed Mikan, and then scribbled some words down on a notepad.

"I'll have you go for a CT scan after this and some further testing as well."

After a few more minutes, she was finally ready to move onto Natsume.

"And you marked that you've been having sleep troubles?"

Natsume shrugged.

"He sure has, Doctor!" Mikan chirped. "Major troubles. He didn't sleep at all last night, either!"

Natsume rolled his eyes for the tenth time that day.

"Can you elaborate, Hyuuga-san?"

Natsume inhaled deeply before speaking. "I usually only get a few hours of sleep a night, maximum."

"How many hours would you say you get a week?"

"Ten to fifteen, maybe."

"That is not great," Yamanouchi commented, writing something down.

"Nope."

"So is it more that you have trouble falling asleep or trouble staying asleep?"

"A little of both," Natsume said. Mikan was enraptured, and very proud of herself for her idea to have a joint visit. She was just shocked that he was really okay with her listening in on this. Mikan smiled, touched by the idea in her head that maybe she was growing on him. "I'm tired most of the time."

"Well, let's see… I can prescribe you some sleeping pills for nightly use, and there's some lifestyle changes you can make that might help you sleep a bit better."

"Like what?" Mikan asked eagerly, knowing Natsume wouldn't ask.

"Try to limit sources of stress. Don't eat before bed. Going to sleep in colder temperatures can help, as well. Meditation is useful too."

"Uh huh," Natsume mumbled, obviously uninterested.

"Any other questions for me?"

Mikan turned to Natsume and when he didn't do anything, Mikan shook her head. "Nope!"

"Alright, well, you can go to your CT scan upstairs and then we'll call you with the results-" Yamanouchi hesitated. "Sakura-san, you don't have a phone number listed here."

Mikan shrunk on the table, crinkling the paper as she did so, suddenly nervous. "Oh… my bad…"

"Just put mine down," Natsume said. "I'll let her know the results."

Yamanouchi smiled. "Alright." She made for the door but turned to give them a bemused look. "You two are cute together. She takes very good care of you, Hyuuga-san."

Mikan grinned and elbowed Natsume. People take care of each other, she was trying to say wordlessly.

"You should pop the question while you can. Your girlfriend seems like quite the catch."

"Right," Natsume said, no inflection to be heard.

Then, Yamanouchi was gone, closing the door behind her.

Natsume hopped off the table. "Let's get the CT scan, then."

Mikan stared at the floor, unable to move.

Girlfriend…

She remembered how hard Kuonji had slapped Misaki for that word, how she'd fallen off her log, how he'd kissed her with such force-such passion, her brain corrected-afterward, like he was teaching her a lesson.

"Hey," Natsume said, shaking her arm. "CT scan. Come on."

"O… Okay…" Mikan dropped to the floor.

He led her out the door and down the halls again.

The word was wrong. Girlfriend. So wrong.

Ownership was selfishness. Dating was selfish. Real love was sharing.

That's why she should've pressured Natsume more to join her family, and should've been more excited to tell the others about him when she found him, so she could share him with everyone. If she cared about him at all, she'd let as many people have him as she could, so even more people could love him, like she did.

If she really cared about him, she'd be okay with Luna trying her hand at convincing him to join, at recruiting him, because he deserved to be loved and taken care of.

Girlfriend was a bad word because it implied that he belonged to her and she belonged to him, like they were trying to own each other.

Mikan was morose, distraught, upset, because she must not have cared about Natsume at all.

Otherwise why would the word feel so right? Why did she like it so much, when it was him she would belong to?

She'd wanted to keep him her secret, had kept him a secret whenever she could, hadn't really wanted him to be in their family at all.

She should want to share him, but she didn't. She wanted to own him, to keep him all to herself.

She just wanted this one thing, this one boy, to be hers and nobody else's.

A/N: insurance isnt important dont ask me abt it dont tell me about it i know. also very much love to ppl who have left a review or who have sent me their thoughts on tumblr/ga discord! love yall for loving this fic ;-;