A/N: Hi there to any of you still following this fic over here- I realized I should update you! This fic, though I no longer update here, is now getting updates over on Archive of our Own, under the same user name and story name. Come visit me at my new home! I'm grateful to all the readers here who got me started on writing, and sorry for vanishing for so many years. If you want to read the next eight chapters, they're all on Ao3! Here's chapter 8 to prove I'm for real. Love you! -Boom
Chapter 8
Sephiroth helped him clean the house even though Cloud was the one with chores as punishment. Within the first hour of working Cloud insisted Sephiroth switch jobs with him. He'd seen Sephiroth put a hand to his shoulder, even though it was only for a moment. Like he was trying to force his gunshot wound to stop hurting.
"I'm fine." Sephiroth said, filled with a glacial indifference.
"I'm glad," Cloud had replied, tossing the rag at him and coming to take over Sephiroth's spot scrubbing the floor. "You're taller anyway, though, so you should dust."
They stepped out into town after they'd given the whole downstairs a once over. It needed to dry out some anyway, and ma had told him to show Sephiroth around. They didn't get further than the main street the sweet dirt-brown stray dog begged for pets. Without a word of explanation, Sephiroth veered away from the small town.
They ended up in the woods, awkward and quiet. Sephiroth did not offer an explanation, and Cloud felt like it was prying to ask.
Eventually Cloud asked Sephiroth how he'd broken the glass on his cage, and Sephiroth showed him on a cliff face. The shards of rock all but exploded. Cloud only escaped injury because Sephiroth snatched a stone out of the air before it hit him.
They looked at each other for a long time after that. Cloud still felt that rush of fear when he looked into Sephiroth's eyes. They weren't normal, and in his dreams they were always accompanied by frightening images. Blood and fire and acid green.
He wouldn't let a little thing like that stop him.
Lillian brought home lollipops for him and Sephiroth. Gifts from her job's front desk.
They had to explain the purpose of a lollipop to Sephiroth. Then they both pretended not to see how his eyes slipped closed in bliss, sucking on the sweet treat.
They clashed eventually, of course. Sephiroth was cold and distant, and Cloud always had a temper. They clashed, and Cloud stormed away from Sephiroth, straight into the attention of his least favorite person.
Mitch laid him flat with barely a thought.
Sephiroth nearly choked Mitch to death with even less attention.
As they ran into the woods, Cloud had a strange, sudden thought.
This is going too fast.
It didn't even sound like himself.
"You're hurt." Sephiroth said, cautious worry in his voice.
His green eyes struck fear in Cloud. The careful hands did not. Sephiroth's fingers were gentle, inspecting the scratches left by thorns, the bleeding cut on his cheek where Mitch's punch split the skin.
"It's nothing." Cloud said. "You shouldn't have done that."
"You heal so slowly." Sephiroth murmured, ignoring the admonishment.
"He's just a bully, Sephiroth. You shouldn't have hurt him that bad. You can't just run around killing people."
"I think I can." Sephiroth said, with a distant inattention. "No one can stop me here."
Cloud lifted his hand. Caught Sephiroth's wrist. The touch-shy teenager froze, but did not yank away or snap this time.
"I'm asking you. Don't hurt anybody."
"He hurt you," Sephiroth said. "Now he's the one afraid. Isn't that good?"
"No," Cloud shook his head. "It'll get us in trouble. It'll get ma in trouble. Do you understand? It's not worth it."
"I think you're worth it." Sephiroth said.
It took Cloud a long time to recover from that sentiment enough to convince him any further.
Sephiroth was pacing, thinking it all through, when Lillian called for them.
"She sounds scared," He murmured to Cloud, his brows furrowed. "Why?"
"Because she doesn't know where we are, I guess." Cloud said, picking himself up stiffly. And all his bruises from the fight at Shinra had just healed…
"She's scared for you?"
"Probably for both of us." Cloud said with a sigh. "Guess we have to face the music."
"It was my fault." Sephiroth put a careful hand on Cloud's shoulder, squeezing ever so slightly. Friendly. Companionable. Close. "I'll make sure she knows that."
Lillian hugged Cloud tight. Tried to reach for Sephiroth too, but Sephiroth shied away from her, and she didn't push it.
She wasn't angry, and she didn't punish either of them. Despite the fact that Sephiroth offered several punishments for himself out of what appeared to be sheer confusion.
"You can hurt me too, if you want. I know it helps me learn."
"I'm not going to hurt you, Sephiroth. Whoever told you that, they were wrong."
"Why- Lillian, are you crying? Cloud, why is she crying?"
Mitch's medical bills weren't as steep as they could have been. Only a potion or two. But Lillian had to work overtime two weeks in a row to add it to the budget.
Cloud counted the years till he could get a job himself and back her up. And when he explained to Sephiroth why she was away so much, Sephiroth spent the rest of the night asking questions about prices and doing math.
"You could have told me I was being expensive," Sephiroth said uneasily when Lillian came home.
"You're not being expensive," Lillian said, rubbing her eyes and hanging up her purse. "You're being a teenager. What's all this about?"
"Sorry, ma." Cloud said anxiously. He knew she wouldn't be happy about where Sephiroth's brain had gone. "He was wondering why you were so busy."
"I have written out my dietary requirements," Sephiroth said, lifting his scrawled notes. "So you will not continue to overextend without cause. If it needs to be cut further—"
"Nope, give me that." Lillian said, holding out a hand. Sephiroth hesitated, confusion breaking through his empty expression. Lillian thrust her hand forward insistently.
"Sephiroth," She snapped. "Give it."
He gave her the papers. His back ramrod straight, his eyes fixed on the ground, his hand shaking. Shit, Cloud thought, biting his lip. Notice, mom. Notice…
He shouldn't have worried. She hesitated as soon as she was holding his work. Closed the notebook quietly and carefully on his meticulous addition. An exacting calculation of what he'd eaten. Of the clothes and shoes she'd gotten for him. Even of the occasional lollipops.
"You're not in trouble." Lillian said, keeping her hands at her sides as Sephiroth stood stock still before her. "Breathe, Sephiroth."
He sucked in a breath. As though in response to her command rather than his need to breathe.
"Good," She said softly. "Again. Slowly if you can. Just breathe."
"I'm sorry." Sephiroth said, though it was clear he didn't know what for.
"I'm not angry." She said. "I'm sorry for raising my voice. It's upsetting to me to think that you're worried about this."
"I don't want to be trouble."
His voice was so flat. So low. Cloud hadn't realized how much his speaking voice had relaxed until that moment, hearing him sound like he had at Shinra again. Like he had in the truck, half-dead from blood loss.
"Look at me." Lillian said, stooping to meet his eyes. She didn't have to bend far. He was only a couple inches shorter than she was.
He dragged his eyes up like they were weighted. Stood there, waiting for what came next. His 'braced for pain' stance. The one Cloud had seen so many times now. Like he'd looked that first day, getting between him and his mother out of fear.
"Repeat after me." Lillian held his eyes, her gaze level though Cloud knew she had to be upset. "You are not trouble. You are not a burden. You are welcome here. You are safe here."
"I am not trouble." Sephiroth repeated obediently, that same flat affect dragging at his voice. "I am not a burden. I am welcome here. I am s-"
Cloud watched him break like a wave. Watched as his voice failed him and his posture caved in on itself.
How long had Sephiroth been here, Cloud wondered. Three weeks? Four? And now, at last, he folded. He didn't cry. Didn't sob. He just folded in half, slowly crouching where he'd been standing. All but cowering before the gentle presence of Lillian Strife.
Cloud watched her sink to her knees in front of him. Her skirt stained and her shoes patched and her hair spiking as messily as his did out of her braid.
"You are safe here." She repeated. "I will never hurt you. Try to say it, Sephiroth."
"I am safe here," His silver hair was hanging around his face. Cloud couldn't see his expression, but he knew the pain in his voice. "You will n-never hurt me."
He flinched when he stuttered.
"Now," Lillian said, holding the notebook in both her hands, pressed flat against her lap. "Try to believe that."
He nodded, curled before her as if he'd been wounded. As he hadn't curled even after being shot.
"Good," She said. "Thank you. I'm going to make us dinner, and you're not going to worry about what it costs, alright?"
She moved to stand up, but froze when a pale hand carefully gripped the sleeve of her jacket. Sephiroth didn't speak, but he held the fabric between his thumb and first finger. So very, very careful. The slightest resistance would have broken the grip.
Lillian settled back down in front of Sephiroth, letting out a slow breath.
"Do you still remember what I asked you to repeat?" She asked.
Cloud moved slowly closer, sinking to sit near them. Not interrupting their fragile connection, but wanting to be part of it.
"Yes." Sephiroth whispered.
"Try it one more time."
"I am not trouble, I am not a burden, I am welcome here," He took a deep breath. "I am safe here. You will never hurt me."
"Remember it," Lillian instructed. "Both of you. Let's hear it, Cloud."
"Me?" Cloud asked, "but…"
He trailed off, looking at Sephiroth. One bright green eye was fixed on him through the fall of his hair.
"Um," Cloud swallowed. "I am n-not trouble? I'm not a burden, I'm, uh, welcome here? I'm safe here. You will never hurt me."
"Good," Lillian said. "Now the next time you worry, the next time I'm away, or there's trouble, or you get scared, don't run into the forest or panic or budget your existences, okay? Repeat it. As many times as you need to. Remind each other if you must. You are not trouble. You are not burdens. You are welcome here. I will never hurt you. Got it?"
"Yes, Lillian."
"Yes, ma."
"No more fretting, then." Lillian said. "And I know it's embarrassing for teenagers like you two, but I love you both. Very much."
"Love you, ma." Cloud whispered, feeling it more than ever. Sephiroth's hand was shaking where he held onto her sleeve, and though he didn't speak no one prompted him to.
When he finally released her it was as if he'd flipped a switch. He rose smoothly. Dusted off his second-hand pants with light motions and cleared his throat. Back to the almost-adult he usually acted like.
He offered Lillian a hand up.
"Can I help with dinner?" He asked, his voice as calm and collected as Cloud had ever heard it.
"You can chop the vegetables if you want to," She said, taking his hand.
From how casual they both were, anyone watching wouldn't understand. Cloud did. He'd seen Sephiroth dodge her touches for more than a month now.
He pulled her up so easily that she laughed.
Dinner was lively. As if all of them felt a little lighter. Cloud had a strange, glowing feeling in his chest. Light and bubbling and strange. He snorted while he was laughing at something his mother said, and Sephiroth let out a single, ringing bark of laughter.
Cloud had never seen him grin before, even if he smothered it quickly.
That night, from downstairs, Cloud could have sworn he heard Sephiroth whispering to himself.
'I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe…'
"Punch harder." Sephiroth said during one of their training sessions in the backyard, his brows furrowed in annoyance. "If you don't mean it in practice you won't be able to fight for real either."
"I don't want to hurt you," Cloud objected, dropping his hands.
"What?" Sephiroth asked, blinking at him. Then those green eyes tightened at the corners— anger, run, escape, he'll kill you — and Sephiroth's lips split into that strained grin again as he stifled a laugh behind one of his hands.
"Don't laugh!" Cloud objected. "I'm serious!"
That was the first time he heard it for real. As Sephiroth broke into laughter behind his hand, his bright eyes shining as he looked down at Cloud.
Cloud pouted, but ended up laughing too eventually as Sephiroth struggled to pull himself together.
He got better at punching like he meant it, but they still ran when Mitch and his gang cornered them. Lillian had said 'no fighting,' after all.
"I really hate this," Sephiroth said, kicking a stone off the edge of the steep path. "I wasn't made to run away."
Cloud lifted a hand, still bent over, gasping for air.
"If you stand up straight you'll catch your breath faster." Sephiroth informed him idly, as if they hadn't just sprinted a mile and a half.
Cloud flashed him a thumbs up, forcing his back to straighten. He dragged in deep breaths, trying to get some control over it instead of just gasping like a fish.
"He's only bothering us because he knows I don't want to give Lillian more to worry about." Sephiroth muttered. "Maybe I should have killed him when I had the chance."
"Nope," Cloud wheezed, whacking Sephiroth lightly on the arm.
"Yup." Sephiroth said dryly, turning and strolling further up the path. "Just as well, though. I'd been meaning to take a look at the reactor."
"The bridge." Sephiroth panted only a little while later, slumped on the hard stone floor of the gorge, staring up at the empty chasm above them. 'It was sabotaged. But why?'
"Your legs..." Cloud had half-sobbed in return, his good hand trembling with fear and worry as he stared at the bone jutting out of Sephiroth's calf. "Sephiroth, your legs…"
"Yes," Sephiroth had said, his voice distant. "I'm not going to be… Be conscious much longer."
"Holy shit," Cloud whispered over and over, scrambling over to Sephiroth's side. "Holy shit, Seph."
"You'll have to go for help."
"I'm not leaving you here." Cloud cast around, looking for anything that could help. There was nothing but stone. Even the splinters of the bridge dangled hundreds of feet above them, stubbornly still attached to the frayed rope.
"I can carry you," He said at last. "If you can hold on."
"I'm heavy." Sephiroth said, already starting to waver. He was shaking, Cloud noticed. He shifted a little closer, reaching out to him. When Sephiroth tilted towards him in response, Cloud closed him in the best hug he could with his messed-up shoulder.
"You are not trouble," Cloud whispered, squeezing Sephiroth against him. "You are not heavy."
"Saying it doesn't make it true." Sephiroth muttered against his shirt.
He was right. He was heavy. Cloud carried him anyway.
"I like this one." Sephiroth said, one leg still in a cast, lifted up in a sling supported off the left side of Cloud's bed.
"One of the poems?" Cloud yawned, rubbing at one eye as he stretched as best he could with one arm still stuck to his chest. "Mom'll be thrilled, I never really got 'em. Which one caught your eye?"
"To the Other End of the Chain," Sephiroth read. "Anonymous author, but it's in the 'women's poetry to remember' book your mother lent me, so presumably a woman. Would you like to hear it?"
"You wanna read it to me?" Cloud asked, glancing over with a smile. "Sure, then. Let's hear it."
Sephiroth looked back to the book. His arching silver bangs fell into his face again. He tucked them patiently behind his ears before he began, bright eyes skimming the lines before he began reading.
"To the one holding
The other end of my chain
I must thank you
For this fearful dust you have shown me.
At first what I saw
Was only the fear.
Which was, I believe,
Your intention.
But then I began to behold
That you held only dust.
To the one holding
The end of this leash
At my neck
Thank you.
I see now this fear for what it is:
Nothing but the dirt you hold.
Which will one day
Be stepped on again."
Cloud was silent a moment, letting Sephiroth's voice wash over him. Then he cleared his throat, swallowing hard.
"Huh," He said into the silence at last. "Doesn't even rhyme."
"I am going to hit you with this pillow." Sephiroth said flatly, and turned the page to keep reading.
Sephiroth followed the man in black out the door without a word.
Cloud tried to stop him.
Sephiroth backhanded him.
Cloud got back up.
Sephiroth broke his knee.
Cloud got back up.
Sephiroth wrapped a hand around his throat and squeezed.
"They will kill you." His friend-his only friend-whispered. There was terror shining through his forced look of emptiness. "Don't follow me. Live, Cloud."
The world got darker. Hearing got harder. Cloud almost didn't hear Sephiroth's farewell whisper.
"Thank you."
Cloud woke up in the big hospital. The one two towns over. His mother was there when he woke up, vibrating with worry at his bedside.
"Ma," He whispered. "Sephiroth… He's in trouble. I have to- to..."
He never finished the sentence. The sound of his mother sobbing shattered his train of thought.
There was nothing they could do anymore.
Sephiroth was on the covers of magazines a year and a half later. Cloud brought them home to his mom from work. They kept them. Their little secret. If anyone in their town recognized her nephew, or whatever her lie had been at first, no one mentioned it.
Of everyone, only Mitch had seemed to notice that Sephiroth had existed at all. He asked Cloud where his body guard was the same day Cloud came back from the hospital.
Cloud broke his nose in response.
" Dear ma, " Cloud wrote, hunched over his little desk beside his bunk.
" You'll never believe it. Zack got me closer than ever before, and now we're all going on a mission together. He knows I'm here. He knows! We still haven't talked, but I know he wants to. Because our mission is to come home. We're coming home, ma. I know I can get him back home, and we can all talk. I know it ."
"Lights, troopers!" Yelled a superior, and Cloud scrambled to put the letter away and get into bed. The overheads clicked off, but he didn't sleep. He was grinning up at the bed above him, hoping for the first time in so long.
He was carsick, as usual. Zack had been teasing him the whole way, and there was some random trooper, and Sephiroth hadn't talked, but Cloud didn't mind. Couldn't mind. So close, he thought. We're so close.
The truck almost crashed straight into the dragon.
Cloud was still grabbing for his gun when Sephiroth and Zack slipped out of the truck. Had only barely managed to get his safety off when Zack swung, taking an enormous chop at the dragon and elegantly dodging its returning bite. Had only started to lift his rifle to sight down it when Sephiroth swung.
The dragon fell in two halves.
"Aw man," Zack said, slinging his enormous sword over his shoulder. "You never let anyone else have any fun."
"I let you have the first strike." Sephiroth replied, giving Masamune a firm swing that sent blood splattering across the grass. "You'll just have to get faster."
"Booo." Zack said, already sauntering back to the truck.
Cloud just stood there, staring at the pieces of dragon and Sephiroth's long silver hair.
He'd braided it once. Years and years ago in that distant summer. He'd done a terrible job, but Sephiroth had seemed to like it anyhow. Had found it amusing, how it swung. Had tried to replicate it in Cloud's hair and given up in frustration at the untamable spikes.
"Seph." Cloud whispered. The thrum of the truck's engine starting back up behind him almost covering the word.
Sephiroth turned. His green eyes sharp, and so familiar— so frightening, so— so sad.
"Not here." Sephiroth said, his lips barely moving. He walked past Cloud without another look. But his voice, soft and low, reached him anyhow. "Soon."
Then he was gone and the General was back.
"In the transport, Trooper. Let's go."
'Soon' didn't come before the fire did.
Years of blood later, the world ended.
In the white space, two men opened their eyes. They didn't need to breathe, but Cloud dragged in a breath to steady himself. A new life of memories. A new life of confusion and pain, hate and sorrow. Green eyes at the center, as always.
But…
"Sephiroth." Cloud said, clenching his empty fist. "Tell me we were closer."
Sephiroth stared at him. Empty, blank, stone-faced. Cloud's reality lurched under the weight of a sudden memory. Sephiroth laughing at the dinner table over Cloud's snort.
Then the calamity, the nightmare himself, gave a solemn nod.
"Closer." Sephiroth answered, none of that crazed laughter Cloud feared in his voice.
"Closer than ever."