She gasped in pleasure, her body pulsating until the last waves were finished flooding her, and she could breathe again. She leaned her head against the bathtub and took a deep breath, moving her hand from between her thighs. Such an act of weakness, but she couldn't take it anymore. The Captain had left her completely at his mercy, and she needed to find some relief before she did something foolish. She chose the lesser of two evils, she thought.
She didn't even feel ashamed, for there were many other things she had done recently that were holding that particular emotion. The worst part of the whole ordeal on the boat doc was that she had teased him back. She didn't even know where that part of her personality came from, but in the moment she wanted to regain some of the dominance in their conversation. In reality, she had no idea what she was doing, or where that confidence came from.
Holding her breath, she moved beneath the water, as if it would wash away her sins. The Reverend Mother would be so completely appalled by the way she had been acting, all of her recent transgressions pushing her further from becoming a nun with each passing moment. She came to the surface of the water, wiping her face with her hands before pulling the plug on the drain.
Wrapping her towel around her body, she thought she should probably feel the need to cry, but she didn't. She didn't feel emotional or confused; she knew exactly what she wanted, and that was the part that scared her the most. In only a few day's time the children would return, her idle hands finally having something to do. Their return should put everything into perspective, she thought.
She looked in the mirror, not quite recognizing the person staring back at her. Suddenly, she didn't feel like the kind of girl who climbs trees or runs up the mountain for frivolous adventures anymore, she felt like a woman. She turned toward the full length mirror behind the bathroom door and dropped her towel, looking over her body. She turned to the side, her eyes drifting over her delicate curves with purpose. She wasn't necessarily curvy, her hips weren't wide, but she had a feminine figure. Her stomach was flat, not quite fit, but it didn't need to be, she thought. She moved her hands over her breasts, her nipples hardening at the contact; they were small, but quite full. She supposed she was adequate enough in her proportions, perhaps even attractive if she wanted to go that far.
After a moment of exploration, she sighed and picked up her towel, drying her hair before slipping into her nightgown. She wasn't sure how attractive she was physically, but she suddenly felt attractive all the same. Perhaps it was in the way the Captain hadn't been able to keep his hand from drifting up her dress, his hot breath whispering against her neck, or the tip of his tongue gently touching her ear. He clearly knew how to make her feel desirable, whether or not he meant to...and she knew for a fact that he meant to.
He called her sexually frustrated. She hadn't put a name to it, but she supposed that was exactly what she was. Even though the way he spoke to her was completely out of line, not to mention highly inappropriate, her body reveled in every moment. He was right; had he laid her down she probably would have screamed his name in ecstasy. She would have screamed anything he wanted her to as long as he was touching her. She wondered how an expert touch such as his would feel against her willing, virginal body.
The familiar pressure between her legs was returning as she thought of him, still able to feel his words caressing her ear. She groaned, wishing for the self-control she had been able to carry for years. As she lay in bed, she decided against her nightly prayer for the first time since she was seventeen. She didn't feel worthy of asking for any blessings with the way she had been thinking and acting. Especially when she knew in her heart there was no way she was going to stop. She didn't care what the circumstances were. Next time the opportunity presented itself, she had every intention of letting him have his way with her.