Hiya! Hope y'all enjoy this next installment! Thank you everyone for any and all readership and interaction!
Beta'd by AnxietyAvocado
"like i need u" by keshi
Standing in front of the mirror in her bathroom, clad only in a silky black bra and underwear, Seiya stroked her blush high on her cheekbone as the finishing touch to her made-up face. She went with a hot pink color, which contrasted well against her dark smokey eye makeup and hair that was styled down to lay in thick waves over her right shoulder.
She also couldn't help but to feel quite peppy for tonight—Usagi had texted her earlier in the day to confirm she was coming. Her, just her… no one else, not the group… just her. Seiya's stomach filled with so many butterflies, it felt like they tried to carry it up to her throat.
While it seemed all was well between them, she didn't want to push any boundaries or come off too eager, which explained her lack of response to the initial invitation. She thought it best to allow everyone else to speak for her, and that Usagi wouldn't really notice if she would respond. Not to mention, she wasn't in the headspace to be possibly ignored.
But Usagi did notice, and Seiya couldn't suppress the validation and excitement she felt each time she read her text:
"Hey! You're coming tonight right?"
Seiya only gave it about ten minutes until she replied, trying to match Usagi's energy—no emojis, since Usagi didn't use one, but for sure returning the exclamation point was acceptable: "Yes I'll be there!" She then kept staring at her phone to see a reply that would come in the simple form of a thumbs-up reaction on her text bubble.
Seiya continued her primping by fluffing her hair and flicking her bangs up and over as she angled her face in different directions for one last check. With a deep sigh, she then pointed at her reflection in the mirror and stared herself down with unshakeable resolve, clenching her teeth.
"Don't fuck up."
"Don't fuck up what?"
Seiya jumped when she noticed Taiki's reflection leaning on one side of the doorway of the bathroom with her arms crossed and robe hanging open to reveal her own silky undergarments. Once Seiya calmed from the sudden scare, she began to focus on gathering her scattered makeup products to store them in a glittery bag, her annoyance with Taiki's sudden appearance evident by her brusque motions.
"Nothing, Taiki. Do you need something?"
"We just received another message from Kinmoku. Have you heard it?"
"Not yet. What did it say?"
"Where's your headset?" Taiki raised an eyebrow, uncrossing her arms to put her hand on her hip.
"I don't know… it's somewhere." Seiya waved a dismissive hand without looking up. "What did the message say?"
She rolled her eyes. "The Kamokian scout ships have doubled. No attacks yet, but we've almost finished mobilizing all the field guardians. We need to talk to the girls very soon."
Oh yeah, that thing. Seiya paused to close her eyes, hissing in a weary breath, her eyeliner pen within her light grip hovering above the open bag. After a couple of moments of gathering her thoughts, she regained her motor skills and dropped the product inside.
"We can figure something out next week."
"Would doing it tonight be too inappropriate?"
"Perhaps. It's dinner, so it might get too loud and distracting." Seiya zipped the bag closed and turned to face Taiki. "Plus we still haven't decided how we're going to approach them about it."
Taiki shrugged. "Let's just be straightforward. They're our friends. It shouldn't matter how we approach them with it."
"Exactly. Because they're our friends, we should put some thought into it. We don't want to give off the impression that each time we show up here, we need something from them." Seiya also put her hand on her hip. "Just trust me, okay?"
"Well, we need to hurry. The King is counting on us." Taiki pushed herself off the doorframe and turned around to make her exit through Seiya's room. However, before she would take a step, she turned her head to the side to give more parting words.
"One eyebrow is higher than the other, by the way."
Seiya gasped in horror and swung around to check her face in the mirror.
Standing in front of the mirror in her bathroom, clad already in her hot pink cocktail dress, Usagi gave one last swipe of her eyebrow pen on the bottom of her golden hairs before she deemed both brows even and full. Once she snapped the top of the pen back on, she tapped her phone laying on the vanity to check the time, only to be distracted by a notification that their doorbell sensor detected a visitor.
And right on cue, the doorbell rang.
"Can you check who it is, Usa?" Mamoru asked from the closet.
Usagi opened the app on her phone to view the live feed of the camera. Despite the low quality of the picture, she saw a pretty, yet unfamiliar blonde woman standing at their door holding a dark mass of something.
"I don't know. It's some lady."
"She might be from the neighborhood association collecting payments. I think June is due…" Mamoru groaned. "Can you answer and tell her we'll drop off the money tomorrow at the president's house? I don't have any pants on yet."
Usagi obliged, putting her phone back down on the vanity before making her way to the front door. The mystery woman was in the midst of ringing the doorbell for the second time just as Usagi turned the doorknob.
Her face lit up before bowing at Usagi's presence. "Hi, there! I'm so sorry to bother you. I'm Doctor Shiino and I work with Mamoru." She extended a hand from under the black mass—which upon closer inspection for the bunhead, was a blazer. "You must be Usagi!"
Usagi relaxed at the introduction, accepting the doctor's hand and bowing as well. "Hi! Yes, I am. Nice to meet you! Do you need to see Mamo?"
"Oh no. I apologize for being brief but I'm actually in a bit of a hurry. I have Mamoru's jacket and I thought to drop it off while I was nearby." She offered up the black blazer for Usagi to take.
However, all Usagi could do was stare at it as an anxious feeling rose up from her stomach to her chest with a chilling sensation. Mamoru never mentioned anything about an outing with coworkers… And how does she know where he lives?
Suppressing all the questions, Usagi inhaled through her nose to force a smile as she accepted the clothing item. "I'll be sure to let him know you returned it."
"Thank you so much." Doctor Shiino bowed again, her face in a constant state of beaming. "Also, I hope you're feeling better."
She froze once again—did she just spend two hours getting ready to still look like shit? Or was she asking about what she thought she was asking about? What did she know? What was Mamoru telling her? Maybe there was an explanation for the jacket, but this was inexcusable.
Anxiety turned into anger as Usagi pursed her glossed lips into another fake smile. "Yes, thank you."
She didn't even wait for the doctor to say her goodbyes before closing the door. The anxious anger reached capacity in Usagi's stomach and chest and spread to her hands, making her grasp the blazer so tight she could feel the pain of her fingernails digging into her palms through the material.
"Was it the housing association?"
Usagi loosened her grip as she swung her head around to see—or rather, glare at—her shirtless husband standing a few feet behind her. His expression immediately fell into scared confusion.
"Usa, what's wrong? Who was it?"
Usagi spoke in a concerningly calm manner as she turned around to fully face him. "Doctor Shiino. She came by to return your blazer." However, her eyes held such a fire, she could only see red.
He looked between her and the balled-up jacket in her hands, feeling an uneasiness creep in from the back of his mind in response to her tone.
"Oh yeah, I forgot I left it." He nodded while keeping steadfast eye contact and reached out his hand to take it.
Usagi didn't budge. "What was she doing with it?"
Mamoru slowed down his nodding, treading carefully. "Yes, the car battery died the other day and she gave me a ride to the auto store."
"The battery went out? You never told me that!"
"Well, there wasn't much to tell—I replaced it and everything was fine. It's not a big deal."
"It is if strange women are going to come to the house and drop off your stuff!"
"She's not a strange woman, she's a coworker!" His voice and stress level began to rise. "But also when I come home, you're usually asleep. I'm not going to wake you up to tell you the car battery died."
"But there's still time in the day when we're both awake and can talk about that stuff. You never tell me anything!"
"Well, you haven't exactly been an open book yourself!"
"But I do try, Mamo! Even though I know you don't understand, I try!"
"No, you don't. You don't try at all. Not with me, not even with Maro!"
Usagi fell silent as her face turned white while Mamoru's also paled, realizing his slip-up too late. She furrowed her brow as her jaw moved up and down several times before words could form.
"My therapist talks to you about me?"
As he winced in regret, he dropped his head and ran his hand through his damp hair. "It's… not like that. I mean… he doesn't… tell me things." He released a sigh of exhaustion and looked up at her. "I worry about you… because you don't talk to me! I'm trying to understand what you're going through. So I ask him about you and he answers very generally. He doesn't tell me any details."
She wasn't moved by his excuse… No, it was too late. She was already mad and she was going to stay mad. At this point, there wasn't anything not to be mad about. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
Catching on that Usagi wasn't in the mood to be sympathetic, neither would he. Mamoru put his hands on his hips to give an aggressive shrug and replied with a smack of his tongue and sarcastic tone. "I guess not."
She shook her head, tears surfacing on her bottom eyelids. "No, it was to make you feel better… because it's always been about you."
Mamoru's face began to redden. "What are you talking about?"
"It was your idea to wait for Crystal Tokyo! It was your idea to get married so soon! It was your idea to—"
"Don't pin this all on me!" He began gesturing with a straight index finger. "We talked about it together! We decided on these things together!"
"Because you wanted them! What was I supposed to say?" Usagi's chest rose up and down prominently in sync with her heavy breathing. "I was sixteen! I didn't know what I wanted, I didn't know anything! I wanted what you wanted and I got nothing out of it."
"That's not my fault! If you had said 'no,' we wouldn't have gone through with it!"
"Did I really have a choice? You had already been accepted to Tokyo University by the time we talked about it." Usagi sniffled, her anger suddenly leveling out as her mind looked back in hindsight. She allowed the multitude of tears and their trails to stay on her cheeks and drop from her jaw. "I couldn't fathom taking away your dream, but you had no problem taking away mine."
He didn't seem moved by her tears and looked away for several moments to find the strength to calm himself and lower his voice. However, he still had a bite to his demeanor.
"So help me out here—what exactly are we fighting about? Please remind me of how else I fucked up because it seems to be one thing after another with you."
Usagi blinked her expression into a scowl and threw the jacket at his face, though Mamoru caught it before it could make contact. She didn't let too much time go by before she proceeded to stomp past him toward the bedroom while muttering her reply:
"You never wear blazers to work."
The car ride to the restaurant was the most silent and heaviest one they had in a long time, perhaps ever. Neither husband nor wife even looked at each other as they finished getting ready. Usagi surprised herself by being able to hold in her tears, or rather, not feeling like she had any more to cry.
Mamoru was right, though—she doesn't tell him anything. There was that night with Seiya which she still has yet to forget about, and those plans were to be determined. She wanted to lock up the memory to remain pristine and beautiful as she remembered, and sharing it with Mamoru would only spoil it with the guilt and shame she was supposed to feel. Perhaps it was fueled by pure selfishness but it certainly gave her mind a vacation from the anxiety and depression that were overstaying their welcome, and it needed it. Sleeping with Seiya was the first decision she made for herself in a long time, and she felt she deserved to keep the memory in its pure form for herself.
But what was she truly upset about? She was mad that it seemed Mamoru always went for what made him happy—he knew what made him happy, while she only thought she knew what made herself happy. He did what he wanted to do, and she followed along. Was that his fault? Of course not; he would have supported her in any and all decisions she made, and he did. But with her destiny changing in the blink of an eye, he was the only familiar connection to the old one she had, and so she clung. She didn't know anything else, she didn't want to know anything else, but she also didn't know her security blanket of holding onto her destiny would eventually stop providing warmth. In fact, it would begin to smother her.
"Usa…" Mamoru spoke up from the driver's seat as he stole a glance in his rearview mirror before changing lanes. With a heavy sigh, he relaxed once he was at a comfortable cruising speed. "I'm sorry."
She turned her head from the window to face him, ready to listen.
He continued. "Everything I've done is trying to help you because I feel so helpless, and I'm not used to that. I'm used to being able to protect you, and it feels like I'm fighting an impossible battle with your depression, too. I know it's not near what you're going through, but this is me trying… and failing. But I will keep trying, okay? I promise."
Usagi showed a soft smile and looked down into her lap as she began to fidget with the ends of her hair. "Thanks, Mamo."
"And this goes without saying, but you should definitely find a new therapist. Preferably one I don't know." He chuckled to himself.
She nodded. "Of course."
"And the thing with the blazer, it was—"
"It's okay, Mamo. You don't have to explain." For once in her life, she really didn't want to know. She wanted to hold onto the possibility that he did the exact thing to her she did to him. It was the loophole she needed to justify her silence—he didn't need to know about Seiya, so she didn't want to know about Doctor Shiino. Even if nothing physical happened, Mamoru trusted his co-worker enough to confide in her about their marital business, and that was almost worse.
Usagi looked at him. "I'm sorry, too. I think I'm finding out that I'm struggling with living as Usagi for this long. I knew what I wanted as Sailor Moon and Serenity, but as Usagi, all I wanted was to be with you. I didn't think to consider the rest of my life. I know that's not your fault but I just… need to learn to process my past decisions and become more independent."
He smiled and nodded. "Okay. That's good. That's good you figured that out. And it makes sense. Whatever you need to do to help find yourself, I support you."
Whatever I need to do, huh? "Thank you, Mamo."
"Do you forgive me?"
"Yes."
He grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
The newly made-up couple made it to the restaurant, walking hand-in-hand inside to be greeted by Motoki, Rei, Makoto, and Ami sitting at a table with their first round of drinks already in front of them. Usagi found her seat beside Rei and ordered a cranberry vodka on impulse since the waitress showed up before she had time to look at the menu. Once served, with her and Mamoru's argument still replaying in her mind, she looked over to her closest childhood friend for conversation while it was relatively quiet.
"Hey Rei, can I ask you a weird question?"
"Usagi, all your questions are weird." She snorted. "So of course!"
Usagi rolled her eyes as she sighed through a smile. "Do you remember if I had any dreams back when we were teenagers?"
"Dreams?" Rei cocked her head slightly as she sipped her martini cocktail.
"Like, life aspirations… basically, do you remember me talking about doing anything with my life back then besides marrying Mamo?"
Rei had to look up in thought for a few moments, her lips twisting from side to side, only to shake her head. "To be honest, I barely remember this morning."
"Yeah, me too…" Usagi trailed off. She wasn't necessarily disappointed, but mostly validated; she didn't have any other dreams back then that would warrant remembering.
"Why do you ask?"
"Just… trying to… figure myself out, I guess."
Rei nodded. "Are you and your therapist making good headway?"
"Um, yes and no." She would give no credit to that soon-to-be-fired snitch. "But how… how did you handle having to stay and be Rei after we put off Crystal Tokyo? How did you handle finding your place in this world?"
She shrugged. "I haven't, actually. Or if I have, it's not the same place as say, two years ago. And it won't be the same two years from now."
Usagi held her drink close to her lips with both hands. To just be plain okay with uncertainty, without knowing exactly what the far future holds—how did the rest of the world do it?
"How are you okay with that? How does that not scare you?"
Rei chuckled as she traced the stem of her glass with her thumb and forefinger. "Well, it's easier said than done—and not to say I've never struggled with it—but it's a matter of accepting the fact that life is always changing whether you want it to or not. How you feel about life now will inevitably change in a few weeks, months, years… unless you literally sit around and don't leave the house."
Usagi felt personally attacked, shooting a subtle stink eye to her friend as she sipped her cocktail.
Rei continued. "Yes, it is scary, but it can also be comforting, especially if you're in a bad place. And especially when you have the greatest, most supportive friends ever!"
Usagi laughed. "Yes, I don't know where I'd be without you all and Mamo." She looked over at her husband sitting beside her, who was distracted in his own conversation with Motoki at the end of the table.
"I just thought all I needed in my life was Mamo and everything would be okay. That everything would fall into place, but…" But it wasn't, and didn't.
Rei placed a hand on the bunhead's shoulder, prompting the latter to turn her head and lock eyes with hers. The former's violet hues held a comforting gentleness and reverence.
"But that's okay that it was enough for you back then, and it's okay that it's not enough for you now. It's been over ten years, you're not the same person."
If only she knew how Usagi still felt like that teenager—scared and crying for half of her waking hours. But that was a conversation for another time, and so she just smiled and patted Rei's hand. "Thanks, Rei."
But Rei somehow picked up on her doubts like she had some kind of psychic powers and tightened her grip to push her point. "No, but really—all of your cells die and regenerate every two years. And since we're all twenty-eight this year, we'll all be completely different people technically!"
On the other hand, to be a new person sounded so nice, which gave Usagi more comfort at that moment, and her smile turned more genuine.
"The party can start now!"
In true Minako fashion, she made her grand entrance with a few spins sprinkled with some messy voguing. By that point, the whole restaurant knew the party had arrived, and the Starlights trailed her from a distance so as to not get accidentally slapped or kicked by the blonde's flailing appendages.
Usagi looked for Seiya, who was last in line, and couldn't help but regret not having three drinks already to prevent the debilitating nervousness; for a second, she even forgot who she was. Seiya waved to her, flashing a beautiful grin surrounded by the prettiest pink that lips could ever be. All Usagi could think to do was raise her drink like she was about to give a toast and instantly felt like melting under the table.
Minako gasped once she noticed the unexpected blond man. "Oh my god, Motoki! Hi! I haven't seen you in forever—" She stopped herself as she remembered the news of his divorce, looking practically catatonic for a few moments. She then held out a concerned palm toward him. "How are you?"
Motoki smiled in good humor, never the one to take anything personally. "I'm good, Minako. It's great to see you."
"Good!" The red-bowed blonde turned toward the three women behind her. "Ladies, this is Motoki. Motoki, ladies!"
Motoki took that as his cue to be the perfect gentleman he was and stood up to personally greet each of the unfamiliar women with a bow and a handshake. When he finally got to Seiya, she wouldn't notice his blush even if she had binoculars.
"Nice to meet you, Modoke."
"Oh, it's Motoki."
"Excuse me, I'm so sorry!"
Witnessing the interaction, Mamoru raised an eyebrow and gently elbowed his wife. "Did you not tell her?"
Usagi looked into her already half-empty drink, taking the tiny plastic straw in between her teeth to suck up as much liquid as physics would allow. "I was going to tell her later."
"Didn't you talk to her today?"
"Yes, I did." She released the straw so she could properly set her husband straight. "I confirmed she was coming, just like you asked."
"But you had a week to tell her!" He kept his voice at a harsh whisper.
"It felt weird to do it over text! I wanted to tell her in person."
"So when then?"
"Well… later! We need to let her get settled in and stuff."
Mamoru shook his head with a sigh of surrender, but he soon started to push his chair out from under the table. Usagi's eyes grew with curious outrage.
"Where are you going?"
"To talk to her myself."
"What? No! Let me do it!"
"It might be tomorrow if left up to you!"
"Ugh, Mamo!" She planted a clawed grip on his shoulder to concurrently keep him seated and hoist herself up out of her chair. "I'll do it!"
Never breaking eye contact, Mamoru pointed toward the group of five still standing and chatting, as if they were her timeout spot. "Right now."
She growled and flipped her hair back behind her shoulder with a hostile flick of her wrist. Grabbing her drink to finish the rest of it, she slammed it down on the table and looked to her husband, pointing at the now empty glass.
"I better have a fresh one when I get back." She seethed.
Usagi scurried as fast as she could in her tall heels without rolling her ankle and ended up loitering behind Seiya, who noticed her presence simply by the smell of her flowery perfume. She turned her body around to fully face her, paying no more mind to the current conversation.
"Hey, Seiya."
"Hey, Odango."
"It's good to see you. You look really pretty."
"Thank you. You too."
"Thanks, you too…" The awkwardness was unbearable and Usagi kept squeezing her hand to keep from punching herself in the face. "Could I… talk to you real quick?"
Seiya nodded, her expression dropping into worry, which Usagi noticed.
"It's not bad, I promise! I just need to tell you a secret." Looking mischievous, she shook her shoulders before leading Seiya to the other side of the table out of Motoki's earshot. Clearing her throat of her hesitation, she then stole a glance over at Mamoru, who did the same as he sipped from his Scotch glass, which confirmed she was officially past the point of no return.
"So, um… Motoki, that cute blond guy you're talking to, is into you."
Seiya chuckled in disbelief and shook her head. "What? That guy I just met?"
Usagi nodded. "Yeah, Minako posted a picture of us from… um… that night, and thought you were really pretty."
And it officially became known as "that night." Seiya's face softened as she looked over to Motoki, who was sitting back down at his place at the head of the table. However, she wasn't given time to stare too long as she noticed in her peripheral vision that Usagi was holding out her arms and continued talking.
"No pressure or anything if you're not interested!" She kept shaking her head with a nervous smile. "He just got a divorce and I know you're not here for much longer."
"Really? A divorce?"
"Yes, it's sad. He really… really loved her."
"Poor guy." Seiya was looked down as she began to run her fingers through her hair, steadily realizing the real reason for her text earlier in the day. "So I guess you've known him for a long time?"
"Forever." Usagi rolled her eyes with a chuckle as her hands found themselves on her hips. "Since I was in middle school. I even had a crush on him before I started dating Mamo."
Seiya managed a grin and a raise of an eyebrow. "Makes sense. He definitely looks your type."
Usagi dropped her jaw in playful astonishment. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing," Seiya shook her head with light laughter. "Just that if you liked him, that must mean he's a good guy." Don't. Fuck. Up. "I'll talk to him."
"Really?" Her face fell, but she caught it before it became too obvious. "Just—um… don't feel like you have to."
"I know. I want to. He's cute so it'll be easy."
"But—um… okay! Right! Good! For sure." Her brain was too busy trying to calm the storm of instant regret, she couldn't form a sentence. What had she done?
Seiya smiled and took a step aside, her arm gesturing toward the group. "After you."
Usagi grinned with an uneasiness she was getting worse at hiding. As she took the lead back, she gave Mamoru two subtle thumbs-up close to her body to silently indicate the plan was in motion. He slid over to Usagi's chair to leave his seat by Motoki open for Seiya, which meant Usagi had to take the only available chair on the complete opposite end of the table.
Throughout dinner, the cranberry vodkas kept coming—two turned to four turned to wine turned to whatever sparkling thing Ami was drinking. Usagi dubbed the cocktail variety as the 'just kill me now special,' all the while wondering what was taking the sweet relief of death so long. She was so sure Seiya would decline… How did this all happen? Why did she hate herself so much?
Each time Usagi looked over to Seiya and Motoki's corner of the table, nothing else mattered around her. And it seemed nothing else mattered around Seiya either—not once did Usagi catch her trying to look over. Still, Usagi was swept up with the way she smiled, touched her chest, touched him, played with her hair, threw her head back in laughter… the way their chairs seemed to move closer to each other as the night went on… how arms started laying over backrests and hands were placed on shoulders…
So was this it? Did this mean Seiya forgot about her crush on her? Or did she lie that night?
Mamoru couldn't help but notice Usagi staring enough to send her a text saying things were going well between them and not to worry. She tried her best to brush it off, but this kind of worry was because it was going so well. The longer they kept having a good time, the more her inner turmoil churned, the more she drank, the more she got the spins, and the more her stomach hurt.
Within her cycle of drunk nauseated agony, the two lovebirds got up and left the table, leaving their seats empty for a long time. In Usagi's mind, it felt like thirty minutes but could have easily only been three.
"Hey, did anyone see where Seiya and Motoki went?" She didn't think twice about interrupting the conversation as she addressed those still present.
"They left," Yaten answered as she cocked an eyebrow with insinuation.
Her mouth dropped and heart sank, taking every bit of physical strength with them. "Really? Where'd they go?"
Taiki swirled her drink. "If that woman has any good sense, his place."
Usagi shook her head in denial. There's no way they could have liked each other that much, that fast. No way… no way!
"What are they doing there?"
There was a significant pause as if everyone was waiting for a punchline; they all looked at each other too with big smiles on their faces as if to confirm. But once it was decided to have gone too long to be a joke, they all broke out in laughter. Even against the loudness of the restaurant, it was enough to crush the bunhead in embarrassment.
Makoto took the torch with tears in her eyes. "I'm sure lots of things but it definitely involves some naked wrestling."
Acting on pure instinct, Usagi grabbed her phone and opened hers and Seiya's text chat with one motion. The Starlight had some explaining to do…
"Hey wehred yuo go"
Her body swayed as she stared at all the letters, watching them blur and coalesce before pressing send and tossing her phone on the table. There. That'll put her in her place.
However, Seiya wouldn't know her place for the rest of the night, and Usagi spent it ignored and irritated. And her only achievement would be holding in her vomit until she reached the bushes lining her front yard.