Chapter Eight: UCLA

"This place sure is beautiful. I'd kill to have this view everyday." Sam couldn't help but close her eyes as she let her skin drink in the sunshine on the beach in Los Angeles.

Mark handed her a turkey club from the campus cafeteria. "Well, it's not like I have class on the beach or anything, but yeah, it's nice."

Sam rolled her eyes as she opened the sandwich container. "You've been away from home too long if you're able to say it's nice in such a blasé tone."

Mark let his gaze wander after a couple of women walking down the beach. From what Sam could see their little bikinis weren't leaving too much to the imagination. "Yeah, well, there's a reason people consider this place paradise—and it's not just living this close to the ocean."

Sam threw her brother a look. "Are you seriously trying to tell me that the best part of studying at UCLA is the bikinis?"

Mark laughed, looking more like the boy she'd grown up with than he had in the two years since their mom died. "With your well-advertised feelings about women being treated as equals instead of eye-candy? Never."

Sam joined in the laughter as she enjoyed her sandwich. "I have to be honest, Mark. I'm a little jealous. There are some interesting things happening in UCLA science labs."

If the Academy denied her entry, this wasn't the worst alternative.

Mark grew thoughtful as he munched on his own sandwich. "You know, I'm surprised Dad let you come for a visit."

All those pleasant emotions Sam had enjoyed drained out of her. She sat back up and pulled her knees to her chest. "Can we not do this here? It's been such a nice day, and I don't think—"

"All I'm saying is that after seventeen years of Air Force brainwashing, I was a little shocked Dad let you come to UCLA, let alone let you visit me."

Sam set her sandwich back in the box, no longer hungry. "Mark..."

"I have a friend who's studying physics here, Sam. From what he tells me, UCLA would be lucky to have you. So would MIT and a dozen other top-tier universities." Mark took a sip from the thermos he'd brought with him. Since he hadn't offered her anything from it, she suspected the thermos had booze instead of coffee inside. She wasn't sure if he was just being discreet or if this was becoming a problem they'd need to talk about. "Hell, you'd probably get a full-ride at any of them. You wouldn't even need the Air Force to pay for your education, and you could always join up after graduation if you still wanted to."

Sam shifted, brushing the sand from the under part of her thighs. "Mark, I want to be an astronaut. The best way to get there is through the Air Force. Not even UCLA can top that."

"Yeah, well, what happens if the US decides to get involved in this Middle East stuff, huh? Or if the Cold War heats up? You really think they'll send you up to space instead of over there?"

Sam couldn't deny that her stomach churned at the thought of being sent overseas instead of to outer space. "If that's how it works out, then that's how it works out."

He threw his sandwich back into its box. "You are so smart, Sam. I can't understand why you insist on this blind faith in the Air Force. You're going to be just a number to them. Another pawn in their geopolitical game of chess. They don't care about your goals, Sam. They're not going to care that you're smart enough that you could start your own tech company. They're going to pay you peanuts to put your life on the line, and you're not even willing to entertain something other than your precious Air Force."

She gaped at her brother. "My god, you really believe that, don't you?"

"Don't be naïve, Samantha. You know how the Air Force let Mom down." He gesticulated in the air, wildly. "Do you remember when Dad was in Vietnam? Mom's appendix almost burst. Grandma was on the first flight to help, but we still had to spend the night with the Johnsons. Mom was in the hospital for almost a week, but all Dad was allowed to do was call... And even that was almost a week after she'd gotten home."

"That was a long time ago, and Dad explained that when he got back. He was on a mission."

Mark nodded. "Exactly. Is that really the life you want? Missing birthdays and weddings because you were in some god-forsaken desert half a world away?"

"What are you talking about weddings?" Mark wasn't the type of person to talk about sentimental things like weddings and marriage. She couldn't tell if he brought it up to make her feel bad about aiming for a role as an officer in the USAF or if there was something else going on. "Is this why you invited me here? To try to change my mind about going to the Academy? Because I haven't even applied yet. They might not accept me."

Mark scoffed. "Like that's going to happen."

Sam looked out at the ocean to try to center herself before she spoke again. Anything to keep from adding gasoline to the fire. "Look, even if I didn't go into the Air Force, there'd always be a chance that I couldn't be there for any of these things. Especially if I want to go into space. But we're family. I'll always be there for you when it counts."

Mark didn't miss a beat. "You mean, like when Dad was there for Mom?"

Sam looked away, the pain of her mother's death washing over her the way it always did when Mark used that as ammunition in an argument.

There was a long pause. Then, Mark sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used Mom that way."

Even just six months ago, Sam might have been tempted to blink away tears, but she was grateful that she didn't. "Do you know why I'm joining the Air Force?"

"Because you think Dad's some big hero." Mark groaned. "I don't share your sentiment, if you haven't picked up on that yet."

Sam ignored his last jab. "You're right. When I talked to Dad about my career goals, he said the Air Force would be the best route to take, and while I get that there are scientists who have come from other programs who made it, it really is the most expedient way."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"All my life, Mom whispered in my ear that I could be brave." Strange as it sounded, she could almost feel her mother's presence here on the beach. With the breeze off the ocean giving her a renewed sense of calm and peace. "Star Trek was right. Space is the final frontier. What better way to show Mom that I'm brave than by exploring space?"

Mark's expression grew solemn. "You know that the stories we tell about explorers today are only a fraction of the people who left, right? People who left their homes and their families and never returned."

Sam frowned at her brother. If she wasn't crazy, he was trying to tell her that he was worried about her. That he didn't want to lose her.

But...

Sam got to her feet and removed the tee shirt covering the top of her one-piece swimsuit. "I'm going swimming. Then, when we get back to campus, I think I'm going to explore the science labs. Then, I'm going home."

Her brother rubbed his face. "Fine. Go join the damn Air Force. See if I care."

Sam looked over her shoulder as she walked toward the waves. Her brother was taking another swig from his thermos.

A sign that he might have the beginnings of a drinking problem.

She chewed the inside of her cheek. He was so angry. Had been angry ever since their mother's death.

She didn't blame him. She even understood it.

Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be a thing she could do to ease his fears. Not without changing the whole trajectory of her life and letting him dictate the terms. Maybe it was wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her place was among the stars, and she'd find a way to get there someday.

She could feel it in her bones.

The ride home from the airport was quiet with her dad's fingers wrapped around the leather steering wheel as the radio played music from the seventies.

Sam leaned her cheek against the cool window, the drizzly weather more like her mood than she wanted to admit.

"How was your trip?"

She shrugged. "It was fine."

They slipped back into silence, the drive familiar but not entirely welcome. This was the route they'd taken home after her mom's funeral. Which after spending a few days with Mark made the grief close in on her again.

"What'd you think about UCLA? They're a good school, you know. One of their alumni is at NASA now. That could be you, if you wanted."

She sent a placid smile to her father. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Dad, but my trip to LA didn't change my plans. I'm still going to apply to the Academy."

"Sam..."

"Dad," Sam interrupted.

He fell silent, and she gave him a reassuring nod. "If I don't get into the Academy, then UCLA is definitely on my list of contenders."

Her dad nodded, and she couldn't tell if he'd expected her answer or if he was just trying to avoid an argument.

"Dad?"

He looked over at her. "Yeah, kid?"

She tried to decide if she should bring up her suspicions about Mark or not. It was only his second year at UCLA, so he wasn't quite twenty-one yet. If he already had a drinking problem...

You're very brave, Samantha.

Sam swallowed down her fears. "Dad, I think there's something wrong with Mark."

He raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

She shrugged. "He kept this thermos around. He wouldn't let me see what was inside it. But any time it got stressful or if he got angry..."

He got the look on his face that he'd gotten when she'd come home on Carter Wayne's motorcycle that one day. "Did he hurt you?"

She rolled her eyes. She should have known that was the first place his mind would go. "Dad, I can take care of myself. What I'm worried about is whether or not he's in trouble. I think maybe he's drinking. But like I said, he didn't show me what was in the thermos, and I never asked. It was just a feeling."

Her father started muttering under his breath, tapping the steering wheel in agitation. She only caught very other phrase. Sister was there... Of all the stupid... I trusted...

"Dad, please, I think he's hurting. I don't think this is some way to get back at you, and he didn't hurt me. Honest."

"It's against the law, Samantha. What kind of example did he think he was setting for you out on his own like that?"

"Dad!"

"I want you to go to your room and unpack when we get to the house. I owe your brother a phone call."

Sam clutched the shoulder strap of her seatbelt. "I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just said it was fine and left it at that."

When would she ever learn?

"You told Dad that you think I'm an alcoholic?"

Sam had to pull the phone from her ear, her brother's voice was so loud.

When it sounded like he'd stopped to give her an opportunity to defend herself, she spoke up. "I said I was worried about you. You had that thermos with you all the time while we were together, and I wasn't sure—"

"It was water, Sam. W-A-T-E-R. I'd have given you a sip if you wanted some."

Sam flinched. "You have to admit that from my perspective it was a little suspicious."

"Because I'm still pissed off about Mom's death? Because I had the gall to suggest that the Air Force isn't the only path you could take to achieve your goals? Damn it, Sam. Grow up."

Sam bristled. "Excuse me? I don't see you admitting that even though Dad made a mistake, he might be worth standing up for."

"So, it's true. You're choosing his side."

Sam rolled her eyes. "His side? From where I stand, there aren't any sides, Mark. Mom died. That was hard for you. I get it. But you weren't the only person who lost her. Dad and I did, too."

"Yeah, well, now I don't feel so bad about not introducing you to Denise."

Something rocked in Sam's brain. That comment about marriage... "Denise?"

"Yeah, we've been going out for the last few months, and it's getting kind of serious."

Sam almost forgot how to breathe. "How serious?"

"Serious enough that she kept dropping hints about meeting the family while you were here. Now, I'm kind of glad I didn't put either of us through that."

Sam's heart bottomed out. "Mark..."

"You know what, Sam, have a nice life. Join your precious Air Force. Be everything Dad always dreamed of becoming. Just leave me the hell out of it."

The line went dead in her hands, and Sam just stared at the handset almost unable to understand what had just happened.

Mark was in a serious relationship. Mark was thinking about getting married.

Mark had just kicked her out of his life the way he'd kicked their dad out.

All because she hadn't had the sense to keep her mouth shut.

The door to the garage opened, and Sam's dad walked into the house. "Hey, Sammy. How's it going? I got off the base a little early, and thought you and I could catch a movie. How's that sound?"

With a preternatural calm, Sam returned the phone to its receiver. "A movie sounds good, Dad. Just let me get my coat."

Her dad caught her by the arm, a puzzled look in his eye. "Who was that on the phone? David?"

She shook her head. The romance with Carter Wayne had fizzled after only a few weeks, thanks to her father putting the fear of God into the other boy.

Now, almost two years later, she'd started dating one of the other science nerds at the school. David Hoskins.

"Wrong number." That eerie sense of numbness which had come over her after her mother's death spread through her arms and legs again. "What movie did you want to see?"

"Oh, I thought we'd roll the dice and see what's playing."

Sam grabbed a jacket from the hall closet, knowing she'd likely freeze in the theater with the air conditioning. "Sounds good to me."

Her dad stopped her before she could go into the garage. "Sam, are you sure you're okay?"

She fluffed her hair so it wouldn't get pinned under her denim jacket. Then, stuffed her hands in her pockets. "Did you want to go to the movie or not?"

Her dad's expression grew troubled before he gestured to the garage door. "After you, kiddo."

Only after she was back in the car did she let herself feel the sadness creeping in. She may not always have liked her brother or wanted him around, but the idea that he might not even want her at his wedding made her heart ache.

All because she'd dared to tell her father about her unsubstantiated fears. An action she'd been sure her mother would have approved of.

She tried to refocus her attention on the lyrics of the music playing in her dad's car. "Dad? Does it get easier the older you get?"

Her father chuckled. "Where'd that question come from?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Sometimes, I think I keep screwing up, and I guess I'd just like to know that someday, that won't be a problem anymore."

Her dad reached over and squeezed her shoulder. "Sammy, I'm afraid that's not how life works. But you're doing your best, right? That's all anyone can really ask."

Somehow, there wasn't nearly as much comfort in that statement as he seemed to think there was.

All she knew was that only time would tell if she'd ever have a good relationship with her brother again. Or if the last time they would all be happy together was the day before their mother's accident. Back when they hadn't known how short life could be...

Author's Note: Inspiration

Really, more of the same "Seth," "Jolinar's Memories" stuff that talk about the Carter family life after Sam's mom's accident. Given Mark's views on the military, I would imagine he'd try (without admitting why he cared) to keep Sam from joining. There will be a similar chapter coming up as well that has to do with the risks of being an astronaut.

As for being MIA, my apologies. We moved, and it's been nuts. Not to mention, I'm still plowing along on my Lucky Sweethearts series. I'm three books in! The last book, Sweethearts Blue, comes out in July! Crazy how time flies!

Stay safe, stay well, and happy reading. - RS