Summary: Angela gets the daughter she had all along.
This has been such an exceptional week, I'm incredibly sad to see it end. It was so wonderful to have Sam and Bonnie in the office, despite the rough start, and I almost wish they didn't have to go back to school. We shot another commercial, this one at the beach, and we met with two executives from the Motion Picture Association of America about some celebrity PSAs to accompany the summer blockbuster season. Sam and Bonnie were enthralled with the promos for a few upcoming films, and while I wasn't nearly as excited as they are about the new teen flick Say Anything, I just might have to talk Tony into going to see When Harry Met Sally. Can you imagine it taking twelve years for two people to fall in love? Anyway, it should make a good date movie – not that we'd be going on a date to see it.
On Friday, the girls and I called it an early day to have lunch at The 21 Club before scoping out Bloomingdales and Saks, and had a fabulous time trying on clothes and talking about boys. It was a perfect conclusion to a great week. As a thank you gift for their help all week, we stopped in Chanel for a bottle of the fashion icon's signature scent, which no New York woman should be without.
This week has also seemed to bring about a change in my relationship with Sam. I don't want to read too much into it, but it finally occurred to me that she has probably been trying to work out her feelings about my place in her life for a while, which would explain some of the underlying tension I've felt in recent months. Our relationship has always been somewhat of a tap dance, and my role has changed from friend to mentor to confidante to even enemy a time or two, depending on the circumstance. It's not easy to know your place in the life of any teenager, let alone one who lives in your house but is not your child, nor even stepchild.
There have been many times over the past five years when I've wished my relationship with Sam were more defined, but considering the lack of definition I have with her father, how could I even contemplate my place in her life. But emotions don't always understand such complexities, and almost from the moment she stepped foot into my house, I've loved her like a daughter. And now she has told me she sees me as her mother, and I can't help but cry just thinking about what it must have taken for her to say that. I have never been able to venture into that foggy area, and could never have been so presumptuous as to dare to believe she thought of me that way. And while we've always described our relationship in terms of friends or sisters, I've always hoped she wanted more than that, and now ... oh gosh, I tear up just thinking about it ... now I can tear down the flimsy yet persistent wall that reminded me not to think of her as my daughter.
It seems like Tony and Jonathan skipped right over these awkward issues. Their relationship was cemented right from the start. But I guess that's just the way men and boys are. Women see dimension and depth in their relationships – which some people would reduce to "complicating things" – but it's not wrong to be attuned to propriety and consequence, especially when a young girl's emotions are involved. Sure, there are times I tell myself I should just accept what's given and not worry about every implication – yeah, and maybe the sun will decide not to rise in the morning.
When I walked into that kitchen Tuesday and overheard Sam talking to Bonnie, begging to switch jobs, I thought she hated me, or at the very least, tolerated me for the sake Tony. Then to find out she had wanted to spend time with me all along and was a bit jealous of my time with Bonnie, was nothing less than every parent's greatest wish.
Poor Tony may have felt a bit unappreciated, but he had time with her during their ski trip while I was stuck home on the couch not only sick, but painfully reminded that my little boy is growing up. I remember how Tony struggled with allowing Sam to grow up and become her own person, and how he used to tell me, "You just wait." Well, now my time has come. My little baby wears gloves not mittens, handles insolent plumbers like a pro, and probably is old enough to venture into the city with a friend. Maybe. We'll see. I may never adjust to him getting older and being a teenager. Heaven knows I nearly died when I saw Heather Harper kissing him. What am I going to do when he gets a girlfriend? And with Sam only two years away from college and Jonathan beginning high school next fall, I think Tony and I will have our hands full keeping track of them. It makes me long for the days of snakes and lizards, Little League and training bras. Except in those days, Sam wasn't my daughter. Now, I feel for the first time like I really do have two children in my life – and I'm just so grateful for both of them.