Elizabeth felt nervous. No not nervous, for she never felt nervous. Then what was this feeling? What was this foreign almost giddy like sensation that left her quite on edge? Filled with agitation, yet at the same time, rather at a loss of what to do next? She had spent two whole hours lying awake the evening previous contemplating her feelings towards ONE in that mansion. Even after such scrutiny, she was still endeavouring to process her own thoughts and feelings of the man.
She certainly did not hate him. No; hatred had vanished long ago, and she had almost as long been ashamed of ever feeling a dislike against him. The respect created by the conviction of his valuable qualities, though at first unwillingly admitted, had for some time ceased to be repugnant to her feeling; and it was now heightened into somewhat of a friendlier nature, by the testimony so highly in his favour, and bringing forward his disposition in so amiable a light, which yesterday had produced.
In truth, in seeing him again, and finding the gentleman so surprisingly at ease, had shaken her resolve and quite muddled her mind. After the manner in which she had rejected him so harshly, she had assumed Mr Darcy would avoid her as his greatest enemy, though things could not seem further from the case; for Mr Darcy, on this accidental meeting, seemed most eager to preserve the acquaintance, and without any indelicate display of regard, or any peculiarity of manner, where their two selves only were concerned, was soliciting the good opinion of her friends, and bent on making her known to his sister. Such a change in a man of so much pride exciting not only astonishment but gratitude—for to love, ardent love, it must be attributed; and as such its impression on her was of a sort to be encouraged, as by no means unpleasing, though it could not be exactly defined.
She respected, she esteemed, she was grateful to him, she felt a real interest in his welfare; and she only wanted to know how far she wished that welfare to depend upon herself, and how far it would be for the happiness of both that she should employ the power, which her fancy told her she still possessed, of bringing on her the renewal of his addresses.
She paused mid thought. Was this true? Was a renewal of the sentiment he had once expressed, however uncomplimentary to her pride, really something she hoped to be offered once more? The very thought left her heart pounding. She could not deny the overwhelmingly connection she felt to the man, even though rationally she could not define or understand the logic over such a pull. Yet in seeing him again; conversing with him, appreciating his quick mind and witnessing his open pleasant nature with her aunt and uncle; well such scenes had sparked a hope that she did not even know her heart possessed.
It had been settled in the evening between the aunt and the niece, that such a striking civility as Miss Darcy's in coming to see them on the very day of her arrival at Pemberley, ought to be imitated, though it could not be equalled, by some exertion of politeness on their side; and, consequently, that it would be highly expedient to wait on her at Pemberley.
Her uncle had left them soon after breakfast, leaving both ladies at leisure over copious amounts of still warm muffins. Eager to take Mr Darcy on his kind offer, which had been renewed only the day before, he had hurried off to enjoy the much promised fishing bounty and gentleman company on offer at Pemberley.
Elizabeth could feel her aunt's eyes upon her as she sat opposite in the open aired carriage as they journeiedd towards Pemberley to pay call on Miss Darcy. Elizabeth tried to ignore her aunts quizzical looks. She was in no way ready to be questioned about the peculiar iufeelings that she was certain her aunt could read from her expression. Damn her expressive nature! If only she could be more composed such as Jane. Therefore, she tried to look as occupied as possible, focusing intently upon the landscape scenes before them, as they travelled the country roads between Lambton and Pemberley. It was not a difficult attempt to muster, for the surrounding landscape setting was indeed quite breath-taking. Derbyshire was indeed a delight to the senses! Pemberley was such a delight that Elizabeth was certain not even the most discerning of fellows could find fault with such a home! Never before had Elizabeth seen a house or its grounds so happyily situated and harmoniously connected. Was it any wonder that the master of such a situation acted with pride, or at least could be assumed to do so? She sighed loudly, quite forgetting her aunt's presence. And to think of all this she could have once been mistress! To think that such a man she could have once called her own.
"Is all well my dear? You have been uncharacteristically very quiet since leaving the Inn."
"Oh, forgive me, aunt. I am quite well. I must confess I did not sleep as well as one would hope, perhaps the effects of a new room with strange surroundings. I am sure by this evening I shall be more settled and awake most refreshed. We have been traveling such a great deal this last month, perhaps all the excitement has simply caught me unaware."
Something has caught you quite unaware, thought Mrs Gardiner knowingly. You would need to be quite the simpleton not to have noticed the intense looks and stolen glances between the master of Pemberley and her normally self-assured niece. The situation puzzled Madeline Gardiner exceedingly, for she had no previous knowledge to their being such a depth of feeling and acquaintance between the pair. She knew they had often crossed paths the previous autumn in Hertfordshire, though Lizzy had never once given hint to holding him in a favourable light.
No woman worth her salt could misinterpret the meaning behind the gentleman's look. He seemed entirely captivated by her dark-haired niece. The mothering instinct in her wished to discuss such a prospect with her favourite relation, for who could wish for a more desirable partner for a niece she loved so dear? But it was this very love, the mutual respect that was the basis of their intimacy, that prevented Madeline from pressing the matter. Elizabeth was her own woman. Headstrong but sensible. One could not force Elizabeth to believe or feel anything which the girl did not wish to do wholeheartedly. It was a quality both she and her husband admired most in the girl, especially when considering the lack of encouragement of that said trait from a rather silly mother. Lord, have mercy. Thank heavens that Fanny was not present to witness such a display! The young pair would never become aware of their own emotions under the constant commentary from such a woman.
No, no; the best thing to be done was to simply do nothing. One could not force a river to go in any direction expect that in which the water desired. Let her young charge find her own path, she was certain the gentleman would make her realise the potential outcome soon enough.
Madeline smiled across at her niece reassuringly; though Elizabeth had already turned her head to focus on the passing trees as they continued on their journey. Madeline observed the concentration upon Lizzy's face, though there was an element of the serene in her expression. Perhaps her niece was not so far from picturing such an outcome herself.
The carriage turned, passing the gatehouse as it entered the vast grounds of the Pemberley estate. Elizabeth took in a slow, steadying breath. She was keen to meet Miss Darcy again, though somewhat hesitant to see the Bingley sisters once more. Though it was unlikely that during their visit they should cross paths with the gentleman; Elizabeth could only but hope that the bright blue skies above should turn to grey, forcing the gentleman to abandon their outdoor pursuits for the pleasure of tea and company.