"No." Snape stated flatly, his voice coming out more ferocious than he had intended. Harry's body grew rigid, as though not expecting these words to fall from the lips of the man behind him.
"You don't deserve this punishment." The professor sighed as he drew away from the boy.
"Yes I do, please." Harry felt his voice break as he turned to the older wizard, desperation welling within his eyes.
"No Potter." It seemed to take all the strength Snape could muster to deny the younger wizard what he so desperately desired.
"You don't want this suffering."
"What do you mean? Of course I do."
"No, you want this pain to go away. Self-inflicted punishment and wanting to be free from guilt are not the same thing."
Harry gasped before reaching around and grasping the man's wrist, it was as though he were afraid Snape would vanish into thin air.
"But I need you." The young wizard whimpered, as though releasing those words had caused him great pain.
Snape opened his mouth to speak but ultimately chose to remain silent. The truth was that he didn't know what to say. He had never felt needed by anyone in his entire life.
Perhaps that scared him more than he realised.
He withdrew his wand before running it along Harry's back, sealing the wounds he had inflicted only moments earlier.
The torn flesh began to knit itself back together, leaving not even a scar in its place.
A flick of his wand and Harry felt the familiar weight of clothing adorn every aspect of his body once more.
Harry barely had time to realise what was happening before feeling a bitter sensation pass through his lips.
"Go to bed." Snape whispered as Harry began to instinctively chew the now familiar root in his mouth.
The young wizard sighed, he felt as though he were back at square one. Taken for a ride before being tossed out into the darkness.
He could trudge all the way back up to his room atop Gryffindor tower, crawl back into his bed but he would still be plagued by the same relentless problem.
And for how long?
The rest if his life?
One thing was for sure, his heart would be absent sleep again tonight.
Snape rose to his feet behind Harry before grasping the younger wizard by the forearm and dragging him to his feet.
Harry nodded, more to himself than Snape, though what he was nodded about remained a mystery even to him.
"Harry," Snape began, his voice adopting a softer tone as he turned to stare out the window.
"What is it?" Harry felt a sense of dread settle across his heart.
"I'm too old for you." Snape stated, as though the fact were obvious enough for the whole world to conclude.
"No!" Harry stated without thought, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Yes Potter." An edge of impatience had crept into Snape's voice as he turned on his heel. He rounded his desk before staring back at the boy. A mixture of irritation and sadness yet another emotion also lingered behind those mysterious, deep eyes.
But what was it?
Harry searched the depths of the orbs before him, he needed to know. It was as though figuring it out would unlock the secrets of the world.
Was that… disappointment?
Harry tilted his head slightly.
Yes.
That is indeed what it was.
But why?
He suspected he already knew, yet he continued to stand there, unsure of what to do.
"Age doesn't bother me." Harry's voice was barely above a whisper as he tried to read the man before him, to make sense of what was happening.
"You need someone your own age. It is wrong of me to rob you of your youth."
"But your not robbing me of anythi-"
"Silence."
What just happened?
Was this it?
Had Snape just rejected him?
Harry opened his mouth as the professor sat back down at his desk, returning to his pile of parchment.
Harry felt as though he had just been replaced by a somewhat more interesting pile of unmarked potions assignments.
Did snape just discard him?
But he needed the Professor.
This whole thing made no more sense to him now than it did that first potions lesson.
Why would Snape suddenly think he was too old for Harry?
This had to be it.
The final nail in his barely surviving coffin.
A knife had sliced through his heart, the anguish consumed him, until every fibre of his being could no longer remember a time before this pain.
He faltered.
The anguish was soon being consumed by something else, a numbness. It radiated through every cell in body until it felt as though it had decimated them all.
It had consumed him.
Who was he?
He seemed but a stranger in a strange world.
He felt like he were merely a ghost, watching the world carry on around him but remaining invisible, detached, one degree removed.
He was nothing more than a spectator.
Harry felt a tightness build in his chest.
If Snape truly had rejected him then he had no choice. It was a fate he would simply have to accept.
He was and would always be alone.
He realised that now.
Harry strode from the classroom, consuming all the strength he had not to look back at the man. The familiar scratching of a quill nearly dry of ink filled his ears.
Did this really just happen?
Harry walked away.
No.
He wanted to run, run as far away from everything and everyone as possible.
He wanted to run until he could no longer feel the ground beneath his feet. He wanted to taste what true freedom felt like.
Soon he was back at the Gryffindor common room, too soon in fact.
He didn't feel ready to be here again.
He climbed the stairs to his dormitory, yet a glimmer of moonlight caught his eye. It was now casting its luminescent glow over the dark forest. It made the once intimidating landscape suddenly seem enticing.
His eyes traversed the forest, the hills, Hagrid's hut before finally resting on the Great lake. The light of the moon had turned it into a bowl of silver liquid, morphing if from something to be feared into something to be revered.
He had found it.
The place he wanted to be.
No.
The place he needed to be.
Harry's breathing shallowed as he turned on his heel. He threw the invisibility cloak back over himself before exiting through the portrait hole.
He ventured through the castle that had been his home for the last four years.
A warm glow illuminated Hagrid's hut. The giant was still up as Harry traipsed past, wondering if he should pay the man a visit.
No.
Hagrid's hut was not his final destination.
His eyes returned to the great lake. A warmth seemed to pool within his heart, it was as though he were returning home after a long journey. He walked until he reached the shore. The gentle current drawing small waves to lap at the pebbles beneath them.
This was it.
Harry whisked out his wand.
It was now.
He didn't want to change his mind, nor did he want to be given the choice. Harry aimed his wand at a nearby rock, making short work of transfiguring it into a ball and chain.
Another wave of his wand and the chain was now bound to his ankle.
The young wizard took a deep breath before wading into the murky depths.