Chapter 8 – Senseless

"I'm breaking down, need something now.
I swear it won't be wasted,
One touch, one touch,
Losing my senses until I'm senseless."

"You're heavy." Sarada grunted as she helped Kawaki back to bed. They'd stayed outside way longer than they should have and Kawaki's skin was icy where he was pressed against her.
"Thanks, that makes me feel really special." He threw back, hissing in pain as she hauled him along.
"Great. My goal in life is to make you feel so special."
He made a sharp sound, squeezing her hand tightly where he held it for support. "Fuck, Sarada. You're going to reopen my wound!"
"Whoops," she grinned up at him. "Sorry,"
Kawaki's jaw snapped shut as he stared down at her for a moment. It had been a long, long time since Sarada had even so much as smiled in his direction and he seemed disarmed by it, glancing away sharply. Sarada stared at him for a moment, unsure what the sudden change in him meant but she felt a bit awkward herself since their encounter on the dock. Despite feeling somewhat healed by the moment, it hadn't helped in making things between them less uncomfortable. She eased him down onto the bed and her hands slid down his arms and over his skin as she helped him onto his back. Sarada's hands lingered on the bare skin of his chest that seemed to have warmed slightly since coming back inside as Kawaki stared up at her with an unreadable expression. Her hair had slipped out of the hair tie, hanging off around her shoulders, casting a shadow over his skin.
"Comfortable?" Sarada asked, a catch in her voice – she was hyperaware of where her skin touched his. It was an unwelcome feeling. But she couldn't hide the part of her that needed that connection – the part of her that wanted more of it.
"Yeah," there was gruffness to his tone that Sarada had never heard before and her eyes flew to his. Again, his expression was unguarded, and Sarada could see a rare moment of vulnerability there that made her heart ache and she tensed, having to stop the signals her brain was sending to her body, the signals telling her to touch him, to lean down.
"I should-" she whispered but it was the wrong thing to say and she regretted it the moment she said it. Kawaki's face shut down immediately. His eyes turned away then, to a spot behind her and Sarada froze for a moment as if her mind couldn't catch up to the sudden change quickly enough. As if it didn't want to. "Don't thank me." Kawaki ground out.
"I-"
The door opened and Sarada pulled her hands away from Kawaki sharply, tucking them into her sides. Although Mitsuki's eyes hadn't missed the movement, he said nothing about it. "Sarada?"
"I'm coming." She hastily covered Kawaki with a blanket and turned away, hurrying towards the door but stopped short of leaving.
She hesitated at the door but she didn't look back towards the bed. She didn't have the courage to. "Get some rest, Kawaki."
He said nothing as she closed the door between them but outside in the hall, it took Sarada a moment to get a hold of herself. What the hell was that? Sure, there had been moments in Konoha where she'd felt close to Kawaki. They'd spent time together, as friends. And while she'd harboured feelings for him that went beyond that, she'd convinced herself that those moments were one-sided and that despite Kawaki looking at her a certain way, or his hands lingering on her – it had been her imagination. Because of what she felt, she told herself she wanted to see more than what was actually there.

This. This had been something different entirely. Sarada bit down on her lip, trying desperately not to let her heart get ahead of her. The feelings she had – the anger, the betrayal – they were still there…so why? Why was her heart reaching out to him so? Because he'd taken a hit for her that would have killed her?

No. That wasn't it.

Sarada took a deep breath, once again pushing what she was feeling to the side. Other things were more important at that moment.

She found Mitsuki in the room across the hall. He looked up as she entered, concern evident in his eyes.
"Are you okay?"
Normally she would have said yes but she didn't even have the energy to lie. "I don't know, Mitsuki."
He knew better than to ask, but the hesitation was there. A moment where she knew he wanted to and that was enough to know how much he cared. She set her hand on his shoulder. "What's up?"
Mitsuki nodded, understanding what she needed. "I communicated with the Rokudaime. He wants us to return as soon as Kawaki is able to travel. With your parents."
Sarada sighed. She wasn't sure if they intended to return, most likely they would want to continue the mission, but in her mother's condition -
"They're not going to return with us," she told him softly. "They'll want to continue on."
"The Rokudaime said it was an order."
Something occurred to her then and she nodded a few times. "The only way they'll return – and this will take some convincing – is if we take over their mission."
"Why would they allow that?" Mitsuki asked. "Your mother – she's…"
Sarada nodded. "Yup. My dad will be easier to convince because of that." She hoped. "If they know the mission will be completed they might just return to the caves. Without us."
"Will we even be able to do it? We failed miserably against the Ōtsutsuki." Mitsuki took a shaky breath as he pushed away from the desk. "We spent all this time – training, preparing. I don't understand."
Sarada said nothing. It hurt her too. Knowing just how utterly powerless they were. If her parents hadn't arrived when they had…that Ōtsutsuki bastard would have killed them without even exerting himself.
"I've known that I am probably going to die for a long time," Sarada confessed softly. "I thought that I'd made peace with it. But," her voice dropped as she met Mitsuki's gaze. "I was terrified and utterly useless in that fight. Kawaki nearly died for me." She shook her head. "I hate this."
"Let's speak to your parents," Mitsuki told her. "Before we despair too much. They must know something." The hope in his voice sparked a flame in her and Sarada blinked slowly. Their mission – whatever they were doing – had to have something to do with defeating the Ōtsutsuki without fighting them. As far as she knew, it had taken the entirety of the old Team 7 to defeat one Ōtsutsuki. And with the Kyuubi gone, that left a power gap that nobody had prepared for.

But there was something. Something powerful enough to lure them back to Konoha.

x-x-x-x-

Sakura found Sasuke sitting on a bench, shoulders hunched forward as he leaned his arm on his knee.
"Kawaki woke up." She told him. "He's not in bed anymore."
"Let me guess." Sasuke said, his voice laced with disdain.
"Yup." Sakura sat down next to him, using her hand on his shoulder to steady herself. "He's outside with Sarada right now."
Sasuke released a heavy sigh. "That's just great,"
Sakura smiled a little, leaning her shoulder into him. For the longest time, neither of them know how to say what they were both feeling, but it's Sakura who manages to speak first. "I was worried for all the wrong reasons." She confessed quietly. "When I saw Kawaki go down, I-"
"I know," Sasuke said. "Me, too."
It hadn't been so much that Kawaki had almost been killed. It was about Sarada. Her reaction when Kawaki fell shifted the world for them. Because to Sarada, Kawaki was that person. As much as they wanted to deny it. If he died…there was no doubt what would happen.
"What are we going to do?" she whispered, hands clenched together in her lap.
"Her Sharingan now," Sasuke inhaled deeply, sitting up. "It's perfect. It's not going to improve any more, Sakura."
"I can't see this ending without casualties, Sasuke-kun. Someone she cares about will die. It's inevitable." Sakura stared down at her hands. "How do we keep that from happening? How do we keep the Mangekyou from her?"
"Do we tell her?" Sasuke wondered, considering it for the first time. Sarada had asked before but at the time, Sasuke hadn't even been willing to speak of it.
"How much of it? Sarada won't be satisfied with half of the story."
"I know," Sasuke said softly, his lids shutting and Sakura reached over, taking his hand in hers.
"Are you sure?"
The door opened then and Sarada popped her head inside. "I…uh, I put Kawaki back to bed. He's sleeping now, but I think he'll be fine." Her gaze turned to her mother, "Thanks for helping him mama."
Sakura smiled kindly but returned her eyes to Sasuke who kept his gaze on the floor. She waited to see if he would say something and when he didn't, she looked back up towards Sarada. "I'm glad he was able to walk around a little bit, even if I advised him not to."
Sarada nodded, parting her lips to say something else but Sasuke finally spoke up. "Sarada."
Sarada hesitated at her father's tone as her eyes went from Sasuke to Sakura and back again, confusion evident on her face.
"Come sit down. We have – I have something to tell you."
"Papa?"
"Please,"
Sarada stared at him for a moment before she nodded, stepping inside and closing the door behind her. She slid into the bench seat, leaning her elbows on the table as she waited for her father to speak. There was a tightness around his mouth that she'd seen before – when he was especially uncomfortable with a certain topic or situation and it made her even more nervous about what was to come. "Papa, is everything okay?"
"I'm going to tell you about the Uchiha. Our history," he hesitated, "Our curse. I'm…I will show it to you. If you're ready for it."
Sarada tensed, eyes going wide for a moment. She knew what that meant. He would use the Mangekyou Sharingan. Her mother's brows creased in concern but she said nothing, her hand remaining curled around his on the table.

Why now? Sarada wondered, but she didn't question it out loud. And she wasn't about to let this moment go. "I'm ready."
Sasuke closed his eyes briefly almost as if he was resigning himself to some unknown fate. And then he nodded once and opened his eye. It took one glance, just a clash of their eyes. She saw his Mangekyou but it was already too late to stop this.

x-x-x-x-

Kawaki was leaning against the wall for support, still breathing heavily but he seemed much better than the night before. While Sarada could feel his attention on her, she couldn't make eye contact. She was drained emotionally and physically. It had been hours since she'd found out the truth and Sasuke had agreed to give her time to think over everything she'd seen. It was a lot to digest, after all. But the truth was, Sarada couldn't face it. She knew exactly what she'd seen and what it meant. But it hurt to think about it and she was sure her father knew that she was just avoiding it. Sarada had been desperate to know who her father was all of her life, but now…she wished she hadn't. She wished for the illusion a little longer. The hero. The unwavering shinobi that the Nanadaime had painted him to be.

Two things had stayed with her through everything else. Through the hurt, the betrayal, the pain, that had broken her heart. To get the Mangekyou Sharingan, someone close to her would have to die. How twisted was that? Someone she cared about had die for her to get stronger?

And the second thing, the thing she wasn't ready to face yet. Was that at the end it all there had been a warmth. A love she wasn't sure was possible after everything she'd seen, but it was there. It was what he felt for his family. For them.

"Why did you return to Konoha?" Mitsuki was the first to speak from where he stood at Sarada's side. "Knowing that the Ōtsutsuki are there and what you would find."
"We knew." Sakura said. "But we had no choice."
"Before we get to that." Sasuke interrupted, stepping close to where Kawaki was. Steely eyes narrowed as Kawaki pushed himself away from the wall, standing on shaky legs, ready to face off against Sasuke if need be. "The last time I saw you-"
"I remember," Kawaki snapped, not wanting to hear it.
"Yes, I nearly killed you." Sasuke nodded, saying it anyway.
"Pap-" Sarada cut herself off and Sasuke glanced at her briefly before returning his gaze to Kawaki. She knew this needed to be done. They needed to know, either way.
Kawaki's eyebrows drew together and he exhaled sharply through his nose as he refused to look towards Sarada. "So?"
Sasuke's fingers curled around the hilt of his sword as he stared Kawaki down. "Has anything changed? Where do your loyalties lie, Kawaki?"
Sarada held her breath, desperate to hear him say it. She could imagine his lips parting, forming each word. Saying that he was on their side. That he would stand with them.

But Kawaki didn't do any of those things. He didn't answer immediately.

And the silence dragged on.

x-x-x-x-
x-x-x-x-

Kawaki was on his back, arms folded under his head as he stared up at the sky from the spot he'd chosen in the shade of the training grounds. Sarada watched him for a moment – that rare peaceful look on his face, the slight tilt of his mouth.
It took her a moment to make her legs move as she stepped up to him and leaned into view. "Ka-wa-ki,"
He didn't move. "You're late."
"Ah, yes. Sorry." She held out a paper bag to him, "I hope this makes up for it."
Kawaki shifted slightly, holding his arm out to take it from her. The smell drifted towards him and he shrugged. "I suppose I'll overlook it."
Sarada rolled her eyes as she sat down next to him watching as he nibbled on the snack she'd bought for him on the way here. It wasn't hard to see something was on his mind. She knew when he didn't stand immediately that he wanted to talk about something but on the rare occasions that Kawaki had told her what was on his mind it took some time for him to get to the point where he could speak and so Sarada gave him a moment to gather his thoughts, she simply sat next to him in silence as he ate the Taiyaki.

At first, it had taken some time to get used to spending time with him without Boruto, the Nanadaime or even Mitsuki or Chocho around. Back then, Sarada found it difficult to be completely comfortable around him as they trained together every now and then. Eventually it became a daily occurrence – something she began to look forward to. She wasn't sure when exactly things changed – or when her feelings began to go beyond what she should have been feeling for him, but by the time she realized it – it was too late. And now, sitting beside him in the cool breeze, the only sound the rustling of leaves around them, Sarada found her heart racing slightly. As silly as it was, knowing Kawaki didn't return her feelings, it was hard not to let her mind wander to the what if of it sometimes. Or the why not of their situation.
Because Kawaki doesn't like you, silly.
"Thanks, I guess." Kawaki licked his lips as he crumpled the paper bag in his fist.
"What are friends for?"
"We're not friends," he said immediately and Sarada smiled at him, leaning over him slightly to look him in the eye. "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing."
Sarada nodded, already expecting that. "Want to talk about it?"
Kawaki glanced away, almost a bit petulant before he sighed, giving up. "Sarada," he hesitated again.
"Hmm?"
"This can't end well."
She frowned. "What?"
"What Boruto is doing."
She stilled. She'd heard – from her mother – that Boruto had been undergoing…testing of some kind. Involving the karma. She'd healed him more than once but Boruto had been insistent on continuing. It had hurt. That Boruto hadn't told Sarada himself. Mitsuki hadn't known either. And when Sarada had confronted Kawaki about it days ago, he told her that the Nanadaime had ordered the utmost secrecy around the project.
"They're trying to remove it from him." Kawaki shook his head. "It's impossible."
"What about your idea to transfer the karma to someone else?" Kawaki had told her about it after training one day and Sarada had been shocked at the time but had admitted it was their best chance at being rid of it.
Kawaki made an annoyed sound, sitting up so suddenly that Sarada had to pull herself to the side to avoid knocking into him. He sat with his back to her for a moment, she could see how tense the muscles were through his shirt. He twisted around and Kawaki ran a hand through his hair roughly. "Boruto doesn't seem interested in that anymore."
"Amado…he's confident about these tests." Sarada told him but Kawaki turned to glare at her. "I don't trust him. Amado has always had his own agenda. Why should this be any different?"
"I don't like it either, Kawaki, but-"
"They're only speeding up the karma's progression. Why can't they see that?" he seemed frustrated.
"The test results-" Sarada cut herself off. Test results could be faked. Kawaki already said that he didn't trust Amado. But would could Amado gain from betraying them now? The Nanadaime – although he was unsure about the testing – also seemed to be supporting it. Sarada glanced at Kawaki – he was watching her, eyes demanding her to understand.
Out of everyone Kawaki and Amado were undoubtedly the ones who knew the most about the karma, but….she trusted Kawaki.
"Then we should talk to Boruto. Convince him to stop this." Sarada pushed herself to her feet and held a hand out to him. Kawaki stared at her hand for a breath before reaching out, slipping his hand into hers. Sarada convinced herself that she had imagined it. That his hand hadn't lingered in hers even after they'd started walking away from the training grounds.

x-x-x-x-
x-x-x-x-