"Iron rusts from disuse; water loses purity from stagnation… even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind."
- Leonardo DaVinci
Chapter 6: What We Talk About When We Talk About Men
A few birds fluttered away when the black, Chinese made Evangelion shook the rocky ground of the gorge outside of Tokyo-04 with its thunderous steps. The setting sun reflected scattered rays of warm pinks and oranges across the polished pectoral armor of the goliath.
Shinji's chest tightened. Breathing became nearly impossible. In his mind flashed the scattered remains of Unit 03. Pieces of jaw bone, torn appendages, brain matter. A shattered plug. Shinji released his grip on the control yoke. His hand trembled as he brought it up to his face. He turned his gaze to the weapon in the hand of the foreign invader.
He was not there to see what happened to Asuka, in reality. All he saw were the tattered remnants of Unit 02. It wasn't until instrumentality when he heard her agonizing scream over and over again, experiencing the pain of being disemboweled and having a spear split his arm followed by eight subsequent impalements. And even then, the sensations had been numbed, a fragment of what she had felt.
The thought of actually having to pilot Unit 01 never occurred to Shinji. It seemed distant, an otherworldly idea. Yes, they would run him through sync tests, but he imagined it all to be a bargaining chip—a mutually assured destruction if anyone attempted to attack Japan. Now, sitting in the pilot seat, facing an enemy, he realized he was not prepared. He never really was.
Both Asuka and Shinji no longer relied on the umbilical cables, instead being provided infinite amounts of energy from the S2 engines that were studied and modified for the newly rebuilt Evangelions. Regardless, the small canyon they stood in was suffocating, the high mountains of Fukushima's outskirts closing around them.
Misato's voice sounded through the comms system, "The Athena Complex came back with a reading: no pilot on board. They're using a dummy plug system."
As if hearing her words, the Chinese model roared bestially. Unit 02 was a few steps ahead of Shinji, crouched in a ready stance, pallet rifle in hand. Shinji's own rifle sat idly in his. He looked at it strangely as if he didn't know what to do with it. The Evangelion bellowed again. Asuka lifted her rifle and fired a volley of rounds. An orange AT field rippled from the bullets like a drop of water dripping into a still glass.
The Evangelion leapt at Unit 02, pulling the double edged cleaver overhead. Sluggishly, Unit 02 rolled to the side, landing on one knee, firing another burst of rounds. They tore into the armor of the Evangelion, ripping off large pieces of metal and causing its left eye to burst. The clip emptied. Asuka threw the rifle away, but the mech was already on her. It tried slamming her again with another vertical thrust into the ground. Unit 02 barely dodged to its right.
"Shinji!" Misato yelled, "What are you doing? Help Asuka!"
Shinji continued to stare at the rifle in his hands. His body was on fire and he felt like he was going to implode. Everything was crashing in around him. Misato's shouts, the Evangelion's ghastly roars, Unit 02 tearing up the landscape. He tried to move his hand, but it was frozen in place.
Asuka was back on her feet, stepping back as the Chinese model swung the cleaver in a violent, horizontal swipes meant to cut her in half. The face of the valley cornered Unit 02, leaving Asuka with nowhere left to run. She tried to dodge the next attack, but was too late. The blade tore into her right arm, first slicing through the bracer, then the tissue beneath.
Shinji heard Asuka's screams over her audio feed. Misato was still yelling at him. He couldn't do anything. It didn't matter if he piloted Unit 01: he would just screw everything up. Like when Toji was nearly killed. Like when Rei blew herself up. Like when he crushed Kaworu. Like when he arrived late, only to see Unit 02's mangled corpse.
Finally, his body allowed him to move. Shinji brought his knees to his chest and buried his face in them. He began to cry. Asuka continued to scream.
"Shinji! Shinji! Do something!" Misato continued, "Asuka! Tell him!"
"Never," Asuka panted.
Unit 02 dodged another attack, but slipped on the terrain below. Asuka came crashing down, Unit 02's stump trying to brace the fall. The Evangelion pounced on her. Instinctively, Asuka raised what was left of her right arm. The cleaver tore the rest of it off.
He didn't want to hear her scream anymore. He had enough. He wanted it all to just go away, to stop. Shinji covered his ears and continued to sob.
The Chinese model had Asuka backed against the face of the valley, Unit 02 sliding against it dodging stabs that carved little craters into the stone. She tripped against a cluster of terrain below and collapsed with her back against the wall. The cleaver came straight for her face. Asuka deployed her AT field. The blade cracked against it, a metallic clang reverberating through the chasm.
Shinji heard Misato shouting over his audio feed, "Do we have any air support!?"
He didn't want to be here. Why did he have to? Why did he come back to pilot? It was useless. He was useless. Everything was useless. Make it stop, he pleaded to no one in particular. Asuka's screams still pierced his ears. Unit 02 was being torn apart, again. The Evangelion series was eating her remains, again. She was going to die, again.
He couldn't do anything. All he ever did was hurt people from piloting the Evangelion. There was no point in trying. It would be better if he sat there and did nothing. He buried his face deeper in his arms.
Asuka would've moved her remaining arm had it not been for the fact that she was using it to deploy her AT field. The cleaver was making no progress, both Asuka and the Chinese model were at perpetual stalemate. With a hiss, the blade transformed into a long, narrow rod with two points at the end.
"No," Asuka said, voice trembling through the comms.
The spear began to tear through her AT field.
Sometimes Shinji wondered what he could've done differently, how he could have escaped the events that made his existence a waking nightmare. How he could've prevented the destruction of the Hakone region and Misato and Asuka's deaths. Every route came back to the hospital, to the buzzing EKG machine, to the white gown and Asuka's soft breathing. He had needed someone, anyone, and, despite her confrontational nature, he could've used her help. The world was falling apart around him. Yet when the gown tore open, he only confirmed to himself that all he could do was hurt, use, destroy. Against the darkness of his mind a candle flickered insistently. What if he was wrong? Toji was nearly killed because he did nothing. Running away almost caused the destruction of the Earth to the 14th, but he had fought. Even with Kaworu, maybe, if things had been done differently, he didn't have to die, Shinji thought.
The lance started to rip into Asuka's AT field. She was screaming hysterically now.
Maybe that was the issue. It wasn't his piloting itself, it was his lack thereof. It was easy for him to run away from unpleasantness, but that's when he truly hurt the people he cared about. The entry plug of Unit 01 faded away for a few moments. He was in the sea of souls, Rei sitting atop of him. Their beings melded together, she smiled softly. Shinji grabbed her arms gently and sat up.
Unit 01 lurched forward and tackled the Chinese model. The lance fell out of the Evangelion's hands and crashed into the ground below. Shinji's mind was racing, he scampered about looking for where his enemy was amidst the dust kicking up around them. He never saw the hand swipe coming.
The strike knocked off the occipital plating of Unit 01. The back of Shinji's head erupted in pain, his brain having the feeling of sloshing around, crashing against his skull. Dazed, he stumbled back against the valley wall, trying to stabilize himself. The lance pierced his hand and pinned his outstretched arm to the wall. He screamed as he felt the two pronged end cut through the armor, past the skin and tearing up his tendons. His hand spasmed in the plug.
Having him nailed to the wall, the Evangelion started to beat on Shinji like a rabid animal, using closed fists to cave his chest in. Shinji felt the continuous loss of air in his lungs, unable to scream as his sternum contracted from the hits. Unit 01 slouched like a ragdoll. The Evangelion plucked the spear from Shinji's hand and reared it back to stab it through his eye. Behind the long form of the weapon Shinji saw movement. Unit 02's hand tore through Evangelion's back, metal screeching and groaning as Asuka grabbed for the core. Finally finding a grip on it, she squeezed and pulled the Chinese model to the ground.
They rolled around until Asuka made her way on top of it, pinning both of its arms with her legs, Asuka tore the lance from its grasp and brought it down on its face like driving a stake into the ground. The Evangelion screeched pathetically and thrashed beneath her. She pulled the lance out and stabbed it again. Again. Again. Again. Eventually all that was left was a pulpy mound of bone, tissue, and cerebral matter.
Shinji stumbled as he tried to sit up on one knee. Asuka spoke through labored breaths, "Target… eliminated."
Her arm was flaring with pain when she slammed the locker for the second time that day. Was it the same day? They had left at night, maybe it was the day after. Funny how battle worked, she thought. Something only a few minutes felt like centuries, until all time before it echoed in her mind like glimpses from a previous life. The latest link to the chain had been added, creating yet another stake in the ground that marked a new passage of her days. Maybe it was the subconscious feeling that she almost died. Maybe it was the fact that she had won, tasted the euphoria of victory again. All she did know was that something new had been ushered in.
Lingering pain wasn't uncommon from injuries Asuka sustained while piloting. It wasn't quite like phantom pain–more a nagging soreness that varied in intensity. The bottle of pills was already sitting on the long metal bench when she entered the changing room and shed her second skin of latex. There was sweat in it, she could feel the moisture as she held it in her hands. Instead of kicking it aside or throwing it into the corner like she did in usual fashion, she laid it to rest on the bench, grabbed the pills and her bag, and exited the room.
Her shoes squeaked on the shiny surface of the AUGE floors when she heard his voice. It was reverberating across the hollow corridors. She picked up pace. Finally, she made it to the gate towards the outer perimeter of The Hub. Many of the AUGE technicians were leaving for the day. She could see the relief on their faces and the palpable sense of exhaustion by the way they carried themselves with coats and uniforms slung over their shoulders. Asuka gripped her own arm that continued to throb. The cleaver had cut straight through. The feeling was agonizing, but not quite as excruciating as when she died. That was until the weapon morphed. The point was staring at her, ready to gouge her eye. Shaking her head, she swiped her card and exited to the courtyard where the stars already lingered overhead. The buses were gone and she couldn't ask anyone for a ride. Looked like walking was the only choice.
The chain link gate of the outermost premise of The Hub was opening when she heard his voice again.
"Asuka!" He shouted.
A few other technicians were startled when she forced her way past them, squirming between the line to get out. Once she found a clearing, she ran. There was no way she could face him, not now.
Out of breath, Asuka held herself up on the railing of a set of stairs leading up to a bridge across the Arakawa river. Her arm was blistering from the pain, her side aching from the sprint.
Running footsteps came to a stop behind her, "Asuka."
Shinji stood there, also panting, gripping the leather strap of his book bag tightly.
She stood up, regaining her balance and composure, "Get lost."
She started to turn around when he spoke again, "Wait! I-"
Silence permeated the air between the two. Asuka stopped in her tracks.
"I'm glad you're okay," Shinji said.
More silence.
"I didn't need your help. You hear me? I didn't need your help!"
Shinji retreated a step down the stairs, still awkwardly holding his bag, giving pensive glances in her general direction.
"But you were going to die," he muttered.
"So!?" Asuka exploded, turning around fully to face him, "What do you care!? You let me die before!"
Shinji looked at his shoes, "I know, I… I didn't think I could do anything. I'm sorry. But this time… I couldn't just do nothing, you were going to-"
"To die?" Asuka scoffed, "Don't act like you wouldn't have wanted it. I know what you think of me."
"That's not true! I… If I hadn't moved it would've killed you!"
"Who cares!? Don't act like you can fix things now. Don't act like you're a hero because we both know you're not. Why would you even want to save me!? What reason would you have!? You hate me! What, you want another chance to get into my panties? Is that it!?"
Shinji looked up at her, hurt bleeding from his eyes, "How can you say that?"
"Because I know who you are, I saw what you did to me in the hospital, don't think I've forgotten. Maybe Unit 01 didn't want to move, but you still would have done nothing! You always do nothing! So tell me, am I right? Is that why you saved me?" Asuka crossed her arms.
"I just… I couldn't let it be like last time… then…"
"Then what?"
Shinji steeled himself, "Then I would've learned nothing."
Asuka dug her nails into her palms and in her best mocking tone said, "Yeah, you really learned."
Shinji's hand trembled in a fist, "If it were me, you would have let me die! Now and against the other Evangelions."
She stepped back, surprised by his sudden outburst, "I… yeah, you're right! I would have!"
Shinji did not respond, instead turning his gaze to the water below.
"Anything else to say?" Asuka huffed.
Water eddied in the river below, creating the sound of a soft current.
She spun around, "Indecisive as ever."
"Please," Shinji's voice wavered, "Don't go. I don't hate you."
A cold tinge trickled down her back. His voice was faltering, nearly cracked when he said it. The bridge only a few steps above creaked and moaned, metal stressing as a gust of wind made it sway ever so faintly. Far away, within the heart of Tokyo-04 horns blared. She wanted to turn around, but something told her not to. It would be impossible to face him...
There was a rustling. Asuka spun around as Shinji slipped something into her bag. Before she could control herself, she shoved him. Hard. He tripped down the steps falling onto his back and tumbling down the concrete stairs. She heard the thump as he hit the ground at the base followed by a grunt and multiple coughs. Blood was trickling down just below his right eye. Before her body allowed herself to run, she watched him. Shaking, he lifted himself up and steadied his body on the wall. Asuka bolted. Up the stairs, across the bridge, away from him.
People on the streets looked at her strangely as she sprinted past them, orange hair flailing behind her. Corner after corner flashed past her, but home couldn't come faster. Eventually, she reached her apartment complex. Going up the steps two at a time, she tripped and her knee collided with the ground. She screamed, but not at the pain.
Inside, she threw the bag onto the wooden chair in the kitchen and made for the bathroom. Asuka quickly downed the pills given to her and turned on the faucet. She hoped a bath could relax her muscles, maybe make the searing pain of her arm subside, but it would do nothing to remedy her mind. The water sloshed around, spilling onto the ceramic floor, as she moved about restlessly in the tub. He couldn't have meant it.
Ever since that day she knew what he thought of her. She was just a tool to him, someone to try and make him happy, the selfish idiot. He couldn't care about her, everything was about him.
"Help me!"
"Say something!"
"I don't have anyone!"
Did he ever even bother to mourn her? To show some worry that wasn't about his own personal comfort? And then… he used her. The hospital was one recurring dream. His hand would pull her over, but her eyes would be open. She would be paralyzed in bed, watching as he did what he had done, trying to scream, but unable to find her voice. Then there was the white substance on his hand, followed by her usually waking up in cold sweats.
So why should he care now? The pointed tip of the lance flashed in her mind. Water dripped onto the bathroom floor as she tentatively brought her hand to her eye. Maybe he had done something. She was powerless in that moment, fear pumping through her veins like deadly poison. If he didn't care he would've let her die, but then… why? Why did he leave her to die the first time? Why did he use her? Before she was killed he wept below, hugging his knees to his face, doing nothing. He didn't even try. But now, he had tried to help her and, as much as Asuka didn't want to admit it to herself, had probably saved her.
Afterwards, she paced around the kitchen as her dinner spun in the microwave. She ate, slowly, methodically, but even then the food was tasteless. Asuka could only stare at the window, into the moonlit sky.
She heard the scream after she had been torn apart, his voice straining and sanity breaking when he saw the remains of Unit 02. He did it though, she tried to remind herself. He let her die by doing nothing. Then the thought occurred to her.
"He couldn't do anything," Shinji had said.
She had seen it in instrumentality too, but, consciously or not, she chose to ignore it at first. The utter despair after he crushed that boy with silver hair in his hand. The feeling of the world crashing in around him was all too familiar to Asuka. And then… for all the selfishness she accused him of… what had she done? She ran, just like him, to a dilapidated house waiting to give up and die, not once thinking about anyone else.
The table shook as Asuka slammed her fist into it. There was no way it was true. He just wanted to use her again. That's what he always wanted to do, right? Yet, he had done something when she thought he had no need to. She rubbed her temples. The internal war in her mind was teetering back and forth like a seesaw. She couldn't accept it, that he cared, otherwise… she would lose.
And losing the fight meant admitting she was wrong.
Asuka stumbled over to her bedroom, but it was only worse. The walls were closing in around her, the room felt sticky with heat. She remembered she had homework assigned for school so she walked to the living room and opened her bag. Maybe that could distract her.
A dark green book fell out. Picking it up, she realized it was not her own. The title read, German Cooking Essentials. She bit her lip and resisted the momentary urge to toss it out the window. She wasn't sure if it would only bring her more pain. Instead, she retreated to her room, the text trembling in her hands.
Was it a gift from him? No–more like a peace offering. Then… why? Ever since they came out of that place they had fought. All up until he said what he had said about her mother. That broke whatever flimsy structure of connection remained between the two. For two years. Asuka wondered if her stubbornness was the issue. She tried to deny to herself that he was sorry, but was that really the case? If he was sorry he wouldn't have given her a book. In fact, Asuka realized he had no reason to. She had screamed at him, hit him, embarrassed him in a grocery store, and yet he came crawling back to her with a gift. No, not a gift, a...
She didn't know. Peace offering as it was, there was no need for it. He didn't need to make peace. Maybe it was much simpler than that. Maybe he just wanted her back in his life.
Before she opened it, she stared at the cover. Was it that hard for her to admit it? Had she learned nothing from that place? The thought occurred to her that it was harder to resent someone than just accept them. It was exhausting, sapping, but he had it coming. At least that's what she thought. It wasn't the first time she admitted her fault. Maybe he honestly did care. She assumed he had only ulterior motives like everyone else. She assumed no one would care if she ran away and starved to death, but maybe that was the issue. She assumed too much and knew too little.
The beach was before her. Shinji was trying to crush her windpipe. A red sea glimmered with moonlight. Looking at his face, seeing the contorted features of agony, the way his lips trembled and his eyes stared through her, caused no rage to stir, only…
Pity.
"I'm sorry," she said, but only in her head.
In reality, all she could do was manage to weakly raise her hand to his face.
Asuka opened the book.
She used a small lamp that had collapsed into a pile of clothes for light. It sat at an awkward, skewed angle, but she didn't mind. Her mind wasn't going to give up anytime soon so she read the book. Once. Twice. By the third time her eyes were finally starting to feel heavy, her mind coming closer to finding peace. She checked the clock that read 2:00 AM. A yawn escaped her and she started her fourth read through. The book remained fanned open atop her, rising and falling with the rhythm of her sleeping body.
Her legs were small, but they weren't really hers. Her breaths were fast, but they came from someone else. She reached her hand up to her hair, but it was not the long orange strands that greeted her. It was short, brown, and soft. A blue river reflected sunlight brightly off its surface. The air was warm around her.
"Shinji!" A voice called out.
A woman with brown hair came running towards her, holding her sunhat on her head so that it wouldn't fall off. She looked eerily like The First. Panting, the woman bent down in front of Asuka, hands on her knees.
She ruffled Asuka's brown hair, "What are you doing running off like that?"
A giggle escaped her… him… she didn't know, "I'm faster than you."
"You sure are," the woman said, smiling.
Happiness enveloped Asuka like a warm blanket, pure unbridled joy, but it wasn't hers. No, it belonged to someone else, but she was experiencing it. She could feel everything around her. The air grazing her skin, the sun on the back of her neck, the sounds of insects flying by. The woman's face morphed into a flat surface and the scenery faded to darkness.
Asuka opened her eyes slowly to the white ceiling of the apartment. She blinked a few times, then stretched and rolled onto her side. The realization hit her. She just had a Flash. It was a term coined a few months after Third Impact. Out of the blue, both in waking reality or buried in the subconscious of sleep, returnees from the sea of LCL would view the remnants of the memories from instrumentality. Only they weren't her memories. More like experiences, direct scenes from the minds of others. The ones who experienced the phenomena said it was more like a fury of emotions rather than concrete images to draw upon. Even now, Asuka could remember very little except for the faint glimpses of gaiety and that name.
"Shinji."
She never understood how Flashes happened or what they meant. People were defined by their memories, it was a recollection of their perceptions of others, but to open them up to others… It seemed all too chaotic for Asuka to handle yet the dream she had was more pleasant than her usual nightmares. She wondered how much of it was true. How much of it was an absolute memory from his mind and why he felt so much… joy. A perception of a perception would change everything. Maybe it was just her wanting to feel that joy, but the purity and clarity of the emotions solidified one thing in her head; they were real. Asuka wondered if that woman, whoever she was, still existed. She wondered if she herself still existed to Shinji. If a person couldn't have anyone else to draw upon, to hold in their thoughts, were they even a person anymore? She had spent so much of her life alienating and being alienated, maybe that was just her ultimate goal. To die cold, alone, forgotten, not even a perception of a perception, just a memory of a memory dropping into the void of time like a flimsy blade of grass drowned under a roaring flood.
Sitting in bed, she shivered and went to put on her sweater. The recollection of the previous night hit her all at once and an ache panged through her chest. She sat back down on the bed and curled into a ball, hugging her knees tightly to her body. For a while, she laid that way, staring at the lonely wall of her bedroom and the littered floor. She was sick of it all. On the small dresser, a phone sat idly. Asuka dragged herself over, picked it up, and dialed.
The vtol helicraft touched down just outside of the Fukushima mountain range where the now mangled corpse of an Evangelion rested. Misato stepped onto the coarse dirt of the valley, her hair blowing in front of her face. Below the head, that was little more than pulp, she felt dwarfed. It seemed as though a red sun had been poked through the center, bleeding its contents all over the landscape. The walls were plastered with blood, the grass drenched in it like a thick layer of morning dew.
"She really did a number on it," Ritsuko said, hands in pocket, her white lab coat seeking to fly to the left like a flag attached to a pole in a windstorm.
"How long for cleanup?" Misato asked.
"Looks like," Ritsuko pulled her data pad out, "Four hours. You know you don't have to stay here the entire time."
"I know."
A gust of wind rattled the scaffolding that had been hastily set up around the Evangelion's corpse as AUGE workers scampered on top and around it like ants trying to pick apart a dead carcass.
"I should have never forced him into it again," Misato said, eyes focused straight ahead on the ungodly scene of carnage.
Ritsuko pulled out a cigarette and lighter, "Not like you had much of a choice."
"That must make me a terrible guardian, right?"
Ritsuko blew a puff of smoke, "Finally realizing you're not cut out for the job?"
"Why do I even talk to you."
"What? You asked me for my opinion."
The two stood there a little while longer. One AUGE member teetered on the shoulder of the Evangelion, but slipped and slid down the side. A few others ran over to help them.
"You know," Ritsuko said, "I'm surprised he saved her."
Misato didn't want to admit it, but nonetheless she couldn't deny it, "Yeah… I am too. I don't know what happened between those two, but… ever since we regrouped on the beach they just haven't been the same."
"Well, I don't know." Ritsuko mocked, "I feel like seeing the end of the world and having others see the deepest parts of your mind without privacy would do that."
"Funny."
"On a serious note, there's something I've started to realize about people."
Misato turned to Ritsuko, "Yeah? What's that?"
"Think about a still picture of two cars in motion. It's hard to tell which car is accelerating past the other, but there is one thing we can clearly conclude. The cars are creating distance between them. Humans are a lot like that. We can't always tell who's the person pushing or running away, but in the end it creates the same effect."
"You and your science metaphors," Misato scoffed, "It amuses me how you speak like 'humans' doesn't include you."
Ritsuko shrugged and lifted her head to the sky. The two stood there, naked to the cold and mechanical stare of the stars. Metal groaned as a crane tore the entry plug from the Evangelion's back.
"Hey ladies," A voice said, "Sorry to disturb you, but I have a question for Sub-Commander Katsuragi."
Ritsuko and Misato turned to see Shiro standing there, wearing his typical sly smile.
"Great," Ritsuko muttered, "This asshole."
Misato crossed her arms, "What do you want?"
"The government requires a full battle report when you get the chance." Shiro lowered his voice, "But I want to know why we were attacked by a Chinese made Evangelion."
The same question had been bugging Misato for some time. As soon as she saw the fleet approaching from the East something turned in her stomach. Actions without reason only reminded her of the past, of the lies and secret that surrounded NERV.
"Can't help you," Misato said, "In fact, I was wondering the same thing."
Misato looked at Ritsuko, "Care to explain."
"I'm just a scientist," she said, "They don't tell me anything."
"Even though your Commander Fuyutsuki's most trusted hand?" Shiro asked.
"He needs my help on all things Evangelion related."
"You know," Shiro said, his voice turning harder than usual, "If you're hiding something, I will find out. And if you or anyone else here has a hidden agenda you can be put in front of a firing squad."
"Okay," Ritsuko said, "Are you done threatening me? Can I go now?"
Shiro waved his hand and Ritsuko walked off, leaving only Misato and Shiro to now stand in front of the titanic body.
"You can get going now. We'll oversee this from here on," Shiro said.
Misato eyed the scene of the battle one more time before leaving. The vtol dropped her off back at The Hub. Her car was waiting in the parking lot alone since all the other technicians had taken off for the day. It wasn't until her back hit the cushion of the driver's seat that she finally felt the ache in her bones and the need to rest. The drive was rather pleasant, maybe because of the relief of having none of her pilots die, maybe because tiredness cleared her thoughts for once.
Shinji was sitting on the couch, blankly watching the TV when she arrived home. There were a few awkwardly placed bandages on his face and head. Misato walked over to him, but he acted as if he didn't notice her presence. She turned off the television and he looked up at her. One bandage was just under his eye, the other hanging loosely off the side of his temple.
"What happened?" Misato asked.
Shinji looked away, towards the balcony, "I tried to talk with her."
"And?"
Shinji pointed to his face.
"She hit you?"
"No," he said, "I fell."
"So she hit you."
"Pushed," he corrected her.
Misato sighed, "Come on. Those bandages are awful. Let's get you fixed up properly."
Shinji picked himself up lethargically and the two walked to the bathroom. He sat on the rim of the tub, hands gripping the ceramic as Misato turned on the faucet and pulled out the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet.
"You know," Misato said, peeling the gauze from below Shinji's eye which caused him to flinch, "I wanted to say… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you into piloting again."
"It's not like you had a choice," Shinji muttered.
Misato dabbed the gash on his cheek with a cotton ball, "But maybe… maybe I could have tried harder."
Shinji remained silent and hissed as she pressed a new bandage on his wound, "That hurts."
"Anything healing hurts."
She fastened the last of the gauze in place and reached into the kit for more supplies.
"You know," Misato began unfolding the tape around Shinji's temple, "I remember Asuka and I gave you a lot of flack for not always acting like a 'true' man, but…"
Shinji bit his lip as Misato wiped away the dried blood, "I think what you did today proves that wrong."
"She didn't want to be saved."
"That's what she says," Misato said, "You know she doesn't really mean it. We all want to be saved."
Misato finished wrapping the last of the bandage around Shinji's head and put the medkit away.
Shinji nodded and got up, but before he could exit the bathroom, Misato's hand gripped his shoulder. He turned around to face her.
"Shinji," Misato smiled at him softly, "I'm proud of you."
"T-thanks," he said.
A few minutes later Shinji had retreated to his room and Misato laid in bed staring at the ceiling. The battle replayed in her head a few times. The fear in her chest as Unit 01 sat idly, Unit 02 being backed against the wall. And then, only a few hours later, she was staring at the feet of the fallen enemy giant. Maybe the death of something could give birth to new life, she thought. Tired to the point where her thoughts fell like rocks, Misato slept.
She was awoken by the sound of the nightstand telephone ringing. Groggily, she picked it up, "Hello?"
There was no sound on the other side.
"Hello?" she repeated.
"Misato," Asuka said.
She sat up in bed, "Asuka? What is it?"
"I want to transfer schools."
To be continued…
Authors Note: That took awhile and now I am in uncharted territory with regards to where this story heads. I have only the faintest rough outline so bear with me through these updates.
I'd like to address two questions which were asked, "Why did you bring the Evas back?" and "Did Shinji and Asuka learn nothing from instrumentality?" To answer question 1, this was always sort of, and I hate to say it, but a "what if second season" fic for me. That's why I don't solely focus on a slice of life or wasteland post 3I fic only from the perspectives of Shinji and Asuka. Evangelions provide new and recurring old issues as well as possible new solutions. There. For the second question, they did learn things. They both realized things about the other, this is apparent even in the opening chapters of the fic. Whether that's a good thing or not is entirely up to interpretation. Best thing they could have post 3I is some time off from each other to process the mind meld that was instrumentality. Thinking they come out and are just immediately on better terms or that "they accepted each other" is extremely wishful and naïve thinking. And frankly, dare I say, boring for any post 3I fic. It was Anno's intention to have EoE be the definitive conclusion, but what we do here is deal in hypotheticals!
Anyway that concludes this rather lengthy author's note. One last thing I will leave you with is to, only if you want to, check out my oneshot I posted about a month back. See ya.