"Have you got the list?" Jean asked Armin as he gazed over the various fruits, vegetables, and produce in front of him separated by wooden crates.
To have a list was pretty unnecessary, but old habits die hard which found the two painstakingly crafting a list to abide by their cravings and their budget at their kitchen table that same morning. Jean already stored the list's content in his head so asking Armin for the knowledge was merely a formality.
Although, Jean hadn't received a response yet. A single glance to his side to discover Armin was not where he assumed was all Jean needed to panic inwardly - until he noticed Armin was still loitering by the entrance of the Townsquare. Armin, bundled up in a thick coat and a beige scarf kindly knitted by Oma to protect him from winter's harsh weather (Jean had a matching one), was not looking into the Townsquare. Instead, Armin stood on the border of a once-grassy field cloaked with snow.
However, when Jean followed him, he witnessed the gory scene of a group of birds viciously pecking another of their species to death. Somehow, nobody else around them paid attention to the steadily softening squawks of pain, of the sharp sounds of beaks hitting flesh and bone. The blonde wore a blank face, silently watching as.
"...what's going on?" Jean prompted gently. Armin's lack of reaction to the morbid situation caused goosebumps to rise fearfully on Jean's arms the longer he remained silent.
"There was a bird sitting in the snow. I think it had a broken wing because it was leaking blood onto the snow. Three other birds came and began to attack it," Armin explained lifelessly. Voice muted lowly, it was as though he were telling Jean a secret, and the birds would retaliate if they overheard. "I wasn't sure if I should try and stop them, but I remember reading somewhere that birds attack or kill injured birds, so I can only assume they're doing it to protect their territory."
"I guess it would've been a burden to the rest of the group, right?" The taller suggested, though unhelpfully.
"Yeah...it wouldn't have survived on its own, anyway, especially in the winter. The bird was just...sitting there in the snow and it needed help, but its group turned on it. It's awful," Armin sighed, rueful and melancholic. Jean glanced down at him just as he happened to perk up, suddenly remembering they were running errands. "Uh, sorry. I was kind of fascinated; I've never seen that before."
"It's okay. It's really not a big deal," Jean brushed off...but it wasn't okay.
Jean was concerned. Really concerned. For days Armin felt sinking dread in his stomach. Though Armin only mentioned his feelings to Jean once or twice, he intuited that his lover couldn't rid himself of that dread. It was irrational, but even if Armin acknowledged it, Jean couldn't quell his anxiety. Jean was okay, Armin was okay; they were both okay! So...what was causing Armin to behave suddenly in such a sceptical, paranoid manner?
"I've got the list, too, if that's what you were after," Armin informed as he produced the wrinkled, folded scrap piece of paper.
"Yeah. Thanks," Jean accepted the list before they went back into the Townsquare. Before traversing too far, Jean reached for his smaller lover's hand, squeezing uncharacteristically but protectively, tight. "Don't leave my sight this time, and don't let go of my hand."
"I'm not a little kid," Armin sighed but obliged.
"Start paying attention to your surroundings like an adult, then I won't have to treat you like one," Jean instructed. He hated sounding like a parent or a figure of authority for Armin, but he saw no other option to keep him - both of them - safe in the crowd.
A little unimpressed, Armin rolled his eyes and sighed again. "I was just...thinking about something, and I completely forgot where we were. I'm sorry for wandering off and zoning out before," he apologised quietly.
Pitying Armin (and experiencing a slight amount of guilt for being harsh in an unjustifiable, parental manner), Jean dropped a kiss on the top of Armin's head, which nuzzled against his shoulder. "It's okay. If you want to look at something, just let me know, so I don't accidentally leave you behind. But, you know, you haven't done that in a while, though. I know I asked you this morning, but are you sure everything's okay?" He questioned once more.
"Yes! Definitely," Armin insisted.
"Alright," Jean accepted, deciding to abandon the topic temporarily. A cold breeze blew between them sharply, prompting the shivering Armin to step closer and benefit from his taller lover's body warmth.
It was currently winter, which meant for them and everybody else in the village that supplies and resources would become scarce for a few long, cold, frozen months. Surviving was simultaneously easier and more complicated - primarily due to the harsh weather. The icy wind managed to slither in through every single corner of their house and make them freeze. It was utter hell at night. One thing they both took for granted from the Survey Corps was the number of warm winter clothes supplied.
Luckily, one of the best decisions they had ever decided was to become amiable with their neighbours. With various odd jobs and babysitting offers from sympathetic neighbours who were keen to look after the young couple trying to live independently in such a cruel season, they were able to save up to buy winter clothes. The spirit of neighbourly support was demonstrated in full blast during winter, from supplying extra firewood for their fireplace to sharing backup water reserves when the main supply was frozen solid.
Oma, endlessly generous, gifted them two beige scarves for the winter, which they had never removed from the moment they warmed their necks with them. Secretly, Jean wondered how Armin would have reacted if the scarves were red.
They rarely left the house at all, especially when it was snowing. They were preferring to conserve their energy like wild animals hibernating for the winter. With the number of times Jean has witness Armin surrounded by blankets in a nest-like formation while reading a book, the blonde might as well have been an animal! Occasionally, Armin would move to the fireplace, carrying the massive pile of blankets that seemed bigger than him. Somehow, even though he was blinded while descending the staircase, he always managed to skip the creaky stair and never managed to fall.
Armin seemed much more comfortable at home, so the weather and seasonal change was a welcome excuse for them both. Befriending their neighbours around the village was an idea Armin initially supported and initiated. But...he seemed to regress, unable to relax and constantly become on edge whenever they left the house. Compared to the blonde, Jean appeared easygoing and relatively relaxed. A healthy amount of scepticism and wariness was valid, but the degree Armin experienced was way over the top.
Jean wondered if the thought of Levi hunting them down was plaguing his thoughts. Perhaps Armin held some concerns about where they were living or the fake lives they inhabited? Was the threat of exposure too much to handle? Or perhaps he regretted leaving? Either way, Armin never once spoke up, and Jean hated that he never divulged himself. Whatever was bothering him must be severely grief-strickening for Armin to let his guard falter in public. Even though Armin kept up with him now and was seemingly present, his mind continued to swirl with bad memories.
"Whatever happens, stay in formation. We have no business with these civilians, so don't make it your business," Levi instructed. The civilians he was referring to were scattered around the area, casting glances towards the small wooden stage near a creek that was all but barren. Everything was silent. Eerily so.
Armin squeezed the reigns to his horse in his fist tighter; the scene was something out of a horror novel. The animal next to him even looked uncertain even though it was used to exploring the Titan territory outside of the wall. Armin supposed that Levi's orders stemmed from a place of understanding as though he was aware of the customs practised in this village.
Home to a small, cultish religious group, the village seemed to remain off of the rest of society's radar as this was the first time Levi's Squad had not been met with resentful, disdainful glares while in uniform. They had been walking for hours in search of a lead so valuable to the Survey Corps. Nobody knew what 'lead' Levi referred to. He never explained anything anymore - he just corroborated with Eren (and occasionally Historia) while using his inferiors as pawns.
"Yes, captain," the group agreed in a hushed tone to not disturb the peace.
"Height order as per usual. Historia; up front with me. Jean; to the back. The rest of you know your places," Levi demanded. He immediately turned on his heel to begin the journey without waiting for his inferiors to assume formation.
Sneakily stealing a single look over his shoulder to ensure Jean was behind the group, Armin continued the trail. No one seemed to bother with their strange presence. Armin couldn't help but curiously watch every person around him in between following Levi's path standing around like lifeless mannequins. Armin didn't think it was possible, but an even quieter hush settled in the village. Goosebumps rose on his skin before he realised all of their attention turned to the wooden stage, which now held some sort of priest with two people kneeling beside him. Upon closer inspection, the inquisitive blonde realised they had mesh bags over their heads and concealing their identities.
The priest spoke. A language he didn't understand suddenly erupted like a sonic boom throughout the village. People swarmed as quickly as rats in a sewer to the stage, weaving in front of and behind Armin and his horse. The area was filled with civilians. Levi's path was no longer visible in front of him. And, in an esoteric Armin-like fashion, peculiarity captivated him into abandoning his position for the time being. He would pay for the consequences of his actions dearly, but he couldn't deny investigating the compelling scene, feeding his curiosity like a mother bird to her young.
"Hey, keep moving!" He heard someone, probably Eren, call from behind him. But Armin ignored it, somehow managing to intermingle with the crowd with his horse.
The blonde strained his ears, flexing his auditory passages as though better hearing would allow him to translate the foreign language. The effort was useless, of course, so Armin relied on situational cues. Every citizen around him wore identical hostile expressions - even the young children. It was clear that all who had been summoned knew the event they were summoned for.
Analysing the stage, Armin discovered that there were two nooses behind the two people kneeling on stage. The thought of a public execution made Armin feel nauseated, but he supposed that each village adopted their customs. He tried to cast his judgements aside before he understood what was unfolding right in front of him.
The priest continued to perform his speech as he slowly traversed from one end of the stage to the other. While the citizens nodded and were captivated by every word he spoke, Armin felt as though he were sitting on the edge of his hypothetical seat in anticipation. What did these two people do that caused them to deserve a public execution? Why was the priest so lofty, and the villages so hostile? Being scolded by Levi for leaving the line was the exact last concern in Armin's priorities.
The monologue ended. The bag was then removed from both anonymous individuals on the stage, revealing them to be young men. They couldn't have been older than their 20's, faces still alight with fear and the tiniest bit of hope that they would manage to escape the living nightmare they were experiencing. Too innocent to be guilty, too rueful to be deceitful criminals, the two seemed wildly out of place on the wooden stage. However...something didn't sit right with Armin, and the answers rested in the terrified expressions they shared. Underneath the trepidation emerged a tender sort of affection that Armin noticed.
It was clear these two were lovers, and they were being put to death after their sin was discovered.
Armin had already felt nauseated, but he really felt his stomach churn at the realisation. One of the men - the one on the left - was forcibly pulled into a standing position by his collar. His hands were bound, tied behind his back — clearly a sign of being taken by force. Armin became consumed with scenarios regarding how they were discovered. Did they get a little too comfortable together in public? Or even just in private? The one that Armin could not stop obsessing over was that the town had suspicions of their sinful relationship for quite a while, and they only recently exposed them. Armin pictured the two, unsuspecting in their homes, before being captured and bound by their community; the community that wanted them dead.
His emotions ran wild, the storm inside of him juxtaposing the mild, eerily still weather around them. The situation unfolding in front of him could very well be how he and Jean ended up - and that scared him more than anything else in the world.
The standing man was lead to the first noose. His expression was evidently stony like he had previously accepted his fate. Even from his far-distanced position in the crowd, Armin could clearly see the fear etched into his expression, the pain in his eyes, and the shame he projected. His lover, still bound and kneeling on the stage, displayed more emotion especially as he was forcibly positioned to watch the first man be guided into the noose.
He was putting himself (and Levi's Squad) in grave danger the longer he lingered and stared, but he could not tear his eyes away from the stage. Armin felt completely and utterly powerless. To make matters even worse, the crowd remained silent. The sight that would stick in Armin's mind for years to come was the last ever eye contact between the lovers. Armin couldn't decide who he pitied more - the man who would die as his lover watched or the man who would watch his lover die. More likely...which position would Armin hate to fill more?
Armin didn't get the opportunity to witness the rest of the gruesome ritual. He was tugged backwards by the hood of his cape with absolutely no resistance as Armin allowed the perpetrator to all but drag him through the crowd. Numb, horrified, and uncertain, Armin allowed whoever had collected him to force his movements because he was not in the right emotional state to comprehend his surroundings. When Armin gained the ability to walk without support, it was revealed that Jean was the one pulling him away.
But his eyes were alight with rage that Armin did not doubt that it was directed at him and his actions.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Jean whispered harshly to not promote suspicion to the crowd, therefore keeping the peace. "Levi said to keep moving, and you're standing here like an idiot threatening to put us in danger! Jesus Christ, Armin, what were you thinking?"
Flinching at Jean's harsh tone was what forced Armin to come to his senses. Practically pulling him through the crowd, the brunette radiated anger as he had never before. Just a single wary glance up to Jean's face revealed how enraged he truly felt. Armin was nauseated with guilt and regret and utter terror that he'd given away the sinful, illicit part of himself he'd worked so hard to keep contained. His stomach continued to churn painfully, and he knew if he didn't convince his body that everything was okay, he would definitely be sick. Jean's extra tight grip on his arm and the way they wildly flew through the crowd definitely didn't help.
Armin contemplated apologising to Jean right then and there, but any words he conjured died on the tip of his tongue. No matter how upset Jean was at him or their circumstances, they always overcame obstacles. But, Jean appeared...tense. Uncharacteristically so. Jean's jaw was flexed as though he hid gritted or grinding teeth, his eyes strained to face forward as if to fight the temptation to watch the horrors that were playing out to their right, and his face was so, so pale and devoid of his usual healthy tone.
It dawned on Armin that Jean was upset, too. He understood what was happening either by explanation or intuition. Jean didn't volunteer to retrieve their wandering teammate because he was angry, but out of protection. They both observed what the town - their society they lived among - was capable of and couldn't stop picturing themselves in that unfortunate position.
Of course, Levi was not sympathetic. His soldiers should be able to withstand anything, especially something as 'inconsequential' as a lynching. As soon as Levi laid eyes on Armin when Jean lead him to where the rest of the group was, Armin almost wanted to retreat and take his chances elsewhere. Disobeying Levi's orders unreservedly enraged him, but he remained silent and stewing until they were back behind the closed doors of the base where he unleashed that rage.
It left Armin in such a daze that he barely felt the intense sting on his face, or the ache in his ribs and stomach, nor did he remember how he managed to leave that room and retreat to the dorm, where Jean eventually found him. With the ashamed pit that formed in his stomach, Armin's head felt light like it was filled with cotton, but his body as heavy as lead. The scene played repeatedly in his mind, guilty conscience filling in the blanks before Jean forcibly pulled him from the conclusion.
Armin wasn't sure how he would have reacted had he witnessed everything, and he had Jean to thank for that.
Guilt-ridden, Armin couldn't bear to look at Jean as he tenderly, silently, patched him up. Seeing how Jean was treating him so gently made Armin feel as though he was undeserving. Plainly...he was frozen numb. Whenever Armin was brave enough to gaze up to Jean's face, stoic with concentration, the shameful pit in Armin's stomach would grow. Jean was no longer angry - but Armin felt that he deserved it.
His lover was an autonomous being with feelings and a heart of his own. But the small moral part of Armin adamantly wished that he was born female so Jean wouldn't have a religious execution tied to his fate. Their relationship would be more accepted; they would have to follow restrictions, but they wouldn't be at risk by being themselves. Or better yet, if Jean never stopped pining for Mikasa, they wouldn't be stuck in this mess. Armin would happily conceal his one-sided feelings if Jean remained out of trouble.
When Jean first told Armin about his feelings, his first instinct was to immediately suspect him playing a mean prank on him or using him to grow closer to Mikasa.
However, his confession was blurted to him immediately following an important seminar on their roles of a Survey Corps soldier, their compulsory religious and political beliefs. Armin had no clue what inspired Jean to break the very rules the Survey Corps laid out for them. Why did he trust Armin not to report him? Why did Jean choose that exact moment to pour his heart out? In the end, Armin could only follow his personal values and decided that Jean's secret would be safe with him. What kind of friend would Armin be if he allowed a fellow, capable soldier to be banished from the Survey Corps?
If only it stopped there.
If only Armin let Jean down in the most humane way he possibly could.
If only Armin had never become aware of his own feelings towards Jean previous to the brunette's confession.
If only Armin told himself over and over again that romantic feelings would all but sabotage his position in the Survey Corps. Becoming romantically involved with Jean would make him weaker and provide the enemy and other soldiers with ammunition to hurt him on a shiny silver platter. Would one more rehearsal of Armin's internal mantra enable him to reject Jean successfully?
Armin would never know. Instead of willing to remain platonically loyal to his teammate, the rebellious blonde quietly reciprocated, and the rest was history. Behind the dorms and shrouded in shadows, beginning their new paranoid routine of constantly surveying the area for scouts who would willingly report them, filled Armin with such joy, but simultaneous sorrow. Armin fondly recalled the first affectionate words whispered to each other, followed by the first kiss they sneakily shared. Even after two years, the familiar trembling plagued his hands incapacitated him, while the anxious butterflies weakened his core.
Now, shouldering all the blame, Armin was filled with horrific shame.
He felt he would drag Jean, and everybody in the Survey Corps down. He would get everybody killed for his incompetence. Armin was a toxic burden that should be eradicated before he endangers everybody.
"There," Jean murmured with soft finality, gently pushing the sticky adhesive over Armin's cheek with practised excellence. This was not the first time Jean had applied first aid to Armin - and it certainly would not be the last. Armin had his fair share of opportunities to assist Jean, too, but his melancholic mind only focused on his own burdens; the ones he had created with his existence. "Done."
"...sorry," Armin replied apologetically. Refusing to raise his eyes from the ground, Armin only paid attention to the intents in the wooden floor and Jean's crossed legs.
"Armin, it's okay," Jean insisted. He stood from the ground to gesture to the door invitingly. "Hey, Levi's locked himself in his room with enough tea and paperwork to least for at least a week. We probably won't see him at all tonight, so we should head out. Would you like that?"
Armin did not agree nor disagree; hell, he barely even acknowledged that Jean was attempting to cheer him up. Only one thing, a simple phrase, bubbled and burned his throat from his forbidden nature. If Armin had enough courage before he witnessed what he did, he would have said it so proudly to Jean. The words had to be verbalised with a sense of urgency Armin had never felt within himself, and that was terrifying. The only way those words would be silenced was if Armin covered his mouth with his hands...but he didn't.
"I love you," Armin mumbled in a wounded voice.
It was the first time he had expressed his ultimate feelings, though Jean had never verbalised them, either. They had been together for over a year; it was no secret to either of them that they loved each other. It was just safer to keep it unverbalised. The cost of somebody hearing those words was way, way too dangerous, but Armin, for whatever reason, decided to take the risk. Those words represented their bitter point of no return.
"I love you, too," Jean replied in his standing state, staring incredulously at his lover's face and waiting for him to display some semblance of emotion or acknowledgement. Armin had more than heard Jean's reciprocated confession judging by the singular, anguished tear that slowly rolled down his cheek. They were both clearly affected and ruminating about the event that took place. Armin had no idea why he was still so affected.
"I'm sorry, again...about today, and everything," Armin practically whispered, voice unintelligible until Jean kneeled in front of him. He so graciously wiped the tear away for him, keeping the comforting hand on his cheek until Armin properly looked at Jean.
"That will not happen to us, okay?" Jean promised but only proceeded to break Armin's heart even more.
"Don't say that because you can't promise that," he weakly rebutted.
"I...guess I have faith that it won't," Jean bit his lip, though he did not deny that their fate had not crossed his mind more than once if their secret relationship was discovered. It would be harder and harder to hide themselves while serving under Levi and the Survey Corps, but they wouldn't - or couldn't - restrict their feelings. "We can try out best, and that's all we can do. If something happens, we can just...run away where they can't find us."
Armin laughed pitifully, the noise appropriately accompanying Jean's unsure, bitter smile. "You know Levi would catch us before we could even think about it," Armin countered. "And Eren and Mikasa would definitely be out for blood."
"It's...just a possibility," Jean dismissed. "We're both super careful. I think if we stick together, we'll be okay."
"Hey, do you remember if we have..." Jean began to ask, realising that he had been left alone once again. Luckily, Armin hadn't wandered off too far, nor was he in any danger loitering off in the distance. Internally promising to gently weed out whatever was bothering Armin that night - with a heavy, exasperated sigh, Jean made a leisurely beeline for his lover.
That's what Jean would've done had somebody not suddenly grab his wrist so painfully tight. Jean's first instinct was to listen to his body's fight-or-flight response to defend himself with his combat knowledge. However, the person behind him spoke before he could manage a single move, rendering him frozen and obedient in his tracks.
"Don't make a scene," a low voice demanded of him the instant Jean's mind imagined millions of possibilities of escape - of which Jean had no choice but to listen to. He couldn't help but feel as though the voice, belonging to a man, was sickly familiar. He may have been a member of the Military Police who happened to recognise him whilst patrolling, so Jean attempted to calm his busy mind and pounding heart to formulate an escape plan. "Keep your hands where I can see them. If you signal to anyone, you're finished."
"I'm by myself," Jean lied in the most level, calm voice he could muster despite his weak knees threatening to collapse him.
"You're with somebody. I saw you together, and if you're here, then I'm sure the rest of the Survey Corps are around, too," the man behind him debunked, catching his fabrication, much to Jean's confusion. Just how long was this person stalking him (and possibly Armin) from afar without either of them noticing? If, and Jean assumed it was a big if, he managed to talk his way out of this unfortunate situation, he needed to reassess how easily spotted he and Armin are in public.
"I'm not with the Survey Corps," Jean immediately attested. The pressure eased a little; if this person were aware of his true identity, he wouldn't assume Jean was still affiliated with the Survey Corps.
"Don't fuck with me. I know who you are, Jean," he threatened. The unexpected intrusion of Jean's name made his blood run cold. The tone was so full of familiar contempt, that his mind could think of the only two other people in the world who were also avoiding the Survey Corps with their life. Jean wasn't mistaken when he figured Bertolt had discovered and cornered him with Reiner's support from afar. A nauseous feeling in his stomach rose, concerned with the possibility that Reiner and Bertolt may use them as a bargaining tool with the Survey Corps. Surely, the crimes he and Armin committed would not be less than the Survey Corps' most wanted.
Right?
"Do you think it's a good idea for either of us to start something in the middle of town? With all these innocent people around? Or was this Reiner's idea?" Jean questioned lowly, hoping to tug at his heartstrings. Biting the bullet, he slowly turned around to face Bertold and his threatening stature.
God, Bertolt truly hadn't changed a bit. His hatred for the Survey Corps and all who were members probably hadn't faltered, either. The last time Jean saw him was when they were all forced to put their lives on the line in confronting Reiner and Bertolt. It was also the last time Jean recalled any fond memories outside of the precious, fleeting time he'd spent with Armin over the years before their whole team dynamic went to shit. They were the catalyst, and Jean hated them for it. But...in a small way, it contributed to their eagerness to leave the Survey Corps in the first place.
Jean still remembered the rare, determined aura that Armin exuded, his hardened blue eyes screaming that he'd do anything and everything to apprehend them that day. Armin didn't know any better; he was a Survey Corps, and that was worth dying for. The only good thing the two Titan shifters ever contributed to was managing to escape. Their escape meant Armin would never have to sacrifice himself. Jean knew he would've. Armin knew he would've, too. Though he'd never gained the courage to look at his lover and pose the question with an air of hesitancy and cognizance, Jean would probably never want to know the answer.
Selfishly, and Jean would continue to admit this into his next life, he was relieved that something had forced him to open his eyes and reconsider what he was getting himself into for the rest of his life.
"These people here mean nothing to me," Bertolt asserted, though Jean wondered how truthful he was. "But, since you're concerned, as long as you and everybody you're with is cooperative, nobody will get hurt."
"I already told you I'm not with the Survey Corps, so just relax," Jean reminded with frustration. "If I were, don't you think you would have been ambushed the moment you were spotted with me?"
Bertolt's fearful, hesitant eyes flickered away from staring menacingly at Jean's face to gaze to whatever appeared to his left. Considering Reiner and Berthold were partners in crime and still very much scheming from the last interaction with them in the Survey Corps, Jean half expected the tall, dangerous blonde himself to appear - then, Jean would truly have no route of escape. A thought suddenly humbled his determination; Jean had been relying on his combat knowledge this entire time, but would his body be able to keep up? He hadn't experienced one of Levi's exhausting combat training sessions in months, so challenging these two veteran soldiers may be all but impossible.
But, as Jean watched Bertolt's face morph with reserved confusion and then to overt shock, he knew that a completely different blonde had approached them.
"Armin?" Bertolt questioned slowly, lips barely parting with the shock and confusion of being confronted with Armin's new appearance and identity. Now that the small blonde was standing next to him, cogs and gears rotating in his brain wildly to pull them out of their sticky situation, Jean wasn't sure if he should feel grateful that Armin had come to the rescue or baffled that Armin didn't try to run away and had mixed himself up in this mess, too.
Armin was never like that, though. No matter how afraid he was or how dangerous the situation's outcomes would be, Armin would swallow his fear and allow the lyrical lies to flow from his lips.
"It's been a while," Armin acknowledged, tense. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw a tall, dark-haired man with Jean, nor could his anxiety keep him from approaching the scene. Bertolt seemed to be too surprised to see him, however.
"That's a creative disguise choice. Though, I'm surprised Levi would allow a male soldier to be seen in public like that," Bertolt explained. "When we saw you with Jean, we thought you were Historia and didn't really recognise you..."
"We?" Armin said as he noticed Bertolt's pronoun slip-up. Bertolt's expression faltered, realising that he had incriminated more than just himself. Other than that, Armin wasn't sure if he should be glad his disguise was effective, or if he should feel insulted that his old teammates and dire enemies assumed he was Historia. Especially for Reiner; Armin would rather not imagine what was going through his head when he saw him. Either way, he couldn't contain the embarrassed blush that spread across his face. "I'm correct in assuming that Reiner is around somewhere?"
"...yeah. He's around," Bertolt answered. He stepped closer, menacingly intimidating, to truly signal that escaping from him would be challenging. "And if you try something, he'll be here faster than you can say his name," he retorted.
Armin sent a glance up to Jean as if to telepathically ask about their interaction before he arrived. His aggression seemed unwarranted, even though both sides had plenty to be defensive about. "Bertolt, we really don't want to cause trouble," the blonde insisted, mimicking Jean's truthful explanation. "We're not here for you. Or Reiner. This was just a chance encounter, not some calculated mission."
"You expect me to believe that you, who is in disguise, and Jean aren't surveying the area for a mission Levi planned? Not to mention, you've got Military Police everywhere looking for us, too," Bertolt argued. It was clear that nothing would sway Bertolt's belief without sacrificing too much personal information. Hearing that Military Police were lurking around, potentially aware of their presence, alarmed them both. They didn't do a good job of hiding their expressions because Bertolt noticed it straight away. "What? Why do you look surprised?"
Jean and Armin glanced at each other, attempting to decide what would be helpful or hinderous to explain - particularly for their own safety and privacy. In the end, Armin settled on deciding for both of them.
"...we're not with the Survey Corps anymore. We haven't been with them for months," Armin confessed. Shocked by the complete transparency, Jean wasn't sure if he encouraged telling Bertolt about their situation. Armin demonstrated the method to his madness, so Jean had faith in his decisions. "Levi wouldn't send Military Police in to deal with matters that involve you two; that's business that involves Levi and his squad."
Apparently, that's all it took to convince Bertolt. "So...the Military Police are actually looking for you two instead?" He assumed.
"Most likely," Armin confirmed. Admitting divulging their escape was foolish. He couldn't see any other feasible option to convince him. Bertolt obviously operated in binary black-and-white thinking; either they were with the Survey Corps, or they were not. He wondered what terminology the Military Police were using to refer to them. Perhaps something Levi came up with? Or something to signify their betrayal? "Are there any in the village that you've seen?"
"Not that we've seen," Bertolt answered as he glanced around the market place. From over his shoulder, he spotted Reiner walking towards them, a frown present on his stony face.
"Why are you chatting to them like old friends? We aren't here to make friends," Reiner criticised before turning his attention away from Bertolt and towards the assumed soldiers they ambushed. Particularly on Armin, though Reiner's expression changed from observant to disgruntled. "That's not Historia. What the fuck is going on?"
"That's Armin. Apparently, they're not with the squad," Bertolt explained. He didn't have the time to detail Jean's and Armin's predicament before Reiner groaned with frustration.
"Geez, the only reason I didn't want to attack is that I thought we spotted Historia," Reiner complained while glowering at Armin, who shrunk back self-consciously. Unable to stop the hot, chagrined flush spreading over his cheeks despite the cold, Armin couldn't help but feel as though the taller blonde was insanely vexed that Historia turned out to be Armin. He wanted to grab Jean's hand to receive a comforting, warm squeeze for reassurance - but he stopped himself. It was fairly dangerous how simple affection became desired in his brain so automatically. "If they're the only ones here, then where are the rest of the squad?"
"I mean, they're not with the squad anymore. They got out, so the Military Police we saw were actually looking for them, not us," Bertolt explained. He interrupted Reiner as he began to protest. "Think about it; I was with Jean for a while and nobody else has shown up. Do you think Levi would allow an opportunity to capture us to slip away so easily?"
"And you both managed to, what, disappear from the group one day without any of them noticing?" Reiner asked, voice emphatic with condescension and disbelief.
"Yeah. Right from under his nose," Jean challenged. Behaving rather antagonistically, Jean practically dared Reiner to argue with him. It wasn't the smartest move, considering the two Titan shifters could overpower them. Still, Armin wasn't about to suggest to Jean to deflate his ego because voicing their disadvantage would encourage Reiner.
"Watch your tone," the taller blonde tutted, inspiring a deeper, stonier scowl on Jean's face. "You wouldn't want to offend us, especially with your crimes hanging over your head, would you?"
"You both are wanted, too," Armin reminded.
"I'm aware. The difference between our situation and yours is that Military Police are actively searching for you, meaning your case is more widespread and more relevant to everybody here," Reiner distinguished. Clearly, Reiner conjured a plan from the moment he discovered Jean and Armin. And seemingly without Bertolt's knowledge judging by his peculiar expression.
"What should we do?" Bertolt questioned, looking to Reiner.
"I reckon we could return these escapees from where they came from. Their captain would probably be grateful to see them again," the tall blonde decided with a smirk. Inspecting the runaways in front of him like they were objects for sale, Reiner's expression slowly became more and more twisted as though the idea of purposely causing them fear was pleasurable. Armin glanced between his eyes, paling considerably and slowly becoming more and more fearful of everything he was capable of.
"Would you really be crazy enough to put yourselves in danger like that? There's absolutely no guarantee Levi will be willing to co-operate with you even if you return us against our will!" Armin attempted to convince. His panicked state must have been fairly obvious because Reiner's grin only became wider and smugger.
"We can always negotiate with him," Reiner considered, almost enjoying how tense they immediately appeared at the very real possibility.
"Let us negotiate with you instead. We'll pretend we haven't seen you. We wouldn't expose ourselves just to help the Survey Corps achieve their goal; fuck them," Jean disregarded acrimoniously, desperately, to prove his point. "If we do that for you, then you should be willing to do the same for us."
"Making promises like children is worth absolutely nothing. You both seem to be in the more helpless position here, so I'd like something a little more solid than a mutual verbal agreement if you'd like us to keep your secret," Reiner requested, seemingly speaking for both himself and Bertolt.
"What are you suggesting?" Armin asked warily.
"Tell us where the new base is," Reiner requested. "You lived there before you escaped, right? If you tell us, and it's the truth, we'll keep your secret."
The offer seemed almost too good to be true. Immediately, Armin's instincts gently lead him from the prospect of exposing his two best friends' locations. It seems that Armin's loyalty was ingrained in him, running as habitually as a bodily function. His heart, on the other hand, didn't skip a beat. In fact, Armin realised that he'd become so cold and detached from everything involving his ex-friends and the Survey Corps that suddenly, he felt nothing.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
In the end, Armin decided to take whichever consequence would grant Jean, and himself, the most protection; even if it meant dragging others down.
And that scared him.
"...and we'll have your word that we'll be fine? That comes with the counter promise of not exposing you two to anybody, not even the Military Police, of course," Armin bargained.
"You have my word," he promised.
"Hey, wait a second," Jean halted the blonde from making any negotiations. "Armin, is this really a good idea? They're still our enemy, and the Survey Corps' most wanted. Taking a deal from them is going to do nothing but screw us."
Reiner seemed to take an interest in Jean's evident hesitation through a quiet, maniacal chuckle. Both of the truant soldiers turned to stare at Reiner incredulously as fear slowly bubbled inside of them.
"We managed to evade the Survey Corps multiple times, and we'll continue to do it, too. I doubt you both are in the same position. Perhaps you should think about offering anything you can to protect yourself," Reiner advised lowly. "Levi was the one compiling the reasons for your capture and arrests, right? I can only imagine how quickly the urgency and punishment would change if he were to hear that his runaway soldiers were also secretly lovers?"
"You're making baseless assumptions," Jean shot back in defence, but it was useless.
"No need to get defensive. You're forgetting that we trailed you for a while," Reiner informed haughtily. The smirk on his face made Armin's blood run cold, mind reliving each small, medium, and large public display of affection he and Jean shared that morning. From this point on, no excuses Armin conjured would have swayed Reiner's opinion because he had the valuable and bargainable truth. It also explained another reason as to why Bertolt was fairly surprised to see him. "You know exactly what we saw, so drop the act. I'm not in the mood to be manipulated, especially by you, Armin. Or would you like the entire village populace to discover you're actually male?"
"I'm really not trying to manipulate you. We just want to be left alone," Armin argued back, hoping his voice remained steady and unwavering to prove his point.
"Then tell us where the base is," he demanded. Reiner's tone indicated that he wouldn't accept one more instance of hesitation.
Relenting with a sigh, Armin allowed the directions to tumble from his mouth freely. "If you follow the dirt path allocated for the delivery carriages, take the second left off of the path, and the first right, you'll find a building appearing like the combination of a wooden barn and a brick cabin. The whole trip takes around thirty minutes," Armin explained, feeling his anxiety and relief right for dominance.
"It's pretty out in the open," Jean added for good measure. Although he was initially reluctant, Jean changed his mind after internally mulling it over. Armin felt ecstatic to have his support. "You can't miss it."
"We'll scout it out first just so we can confirm what you've said is the truth," Bertolt informed, surprising neither Jean nor Armin. "After that, we won't breathe a word about your situation."
"Fine," Jean begrudgingly accepted. The pit in his stomach grew larger and larger the longer he stared at their faces. Deep down, Reiner and Bertolt knew having the information on Jean's and Armin's whereabouts would not help them evade consequences at all - but it just may buy them some time and distraction.
"Well, I suppose we've got Captain Levi's base to scope out, so we'll let you do...whatever you both were doing," Reiner disregarded. "Let's not meet again."
"Yeah, good riddance," Jean muttered as he and Armin began to walk away. "Fucker."
"Hey, Jean," Reiner nonchalantly requested for his attention. Debating to ignore him, Jean almost didn't grant his request but turned around to hear him out for one last time...hopefully.
"What?" He replied, crossing his arms distrustfully.
"I never pictured you as gay, particularly with how infatuated you were by Mikasa throughout training. I guess she's still holding out for Eren, huh?" Reiner grinned as he obviously struck a chord within the brunette.
Feeling the heat rise in his cheeks - ashamed, embarrassed, and infuriated - Jean struggled, really and truly struggled, to maintain his composure. The resurrected emotions made Jean feel as though he were back in the Survey Corps, reliving every time something threatened to expose their relationship and their plans. Reiner had taken every one of his fears hostage and was dangling them tantalisingly like bait on a fishing pole. They'd gotten so incredibly lucky over the past few months. Had their luck began to run out? Reiner treated everything as though they were participating in a game, and he had the perfect strategy to win.
"Ignore him," Armin urged as he tugged Jean's sleeve, recognising that Reiner was cruelly teasing him to attempt to create a rift between them. "Come on; we're leaving."
"You're really going to let this runt dictate what you do? I suppose you should be wearing the skirt if you can't man up and fight your own battles."
Jean saw blood, murderous red and charged back to Reiner like a shark smelling blood in the water. Armin failed to grab his arm before he could make a scene, cringing the moment Jean's fingers twisted into the collar of Reiner's shirt. "You've taken it way too far. You have no right to speak to him like that, and if you ever so much as look at him-"
"-I said, 'we're leaving'," Armin forcefully terminated the conflict. Pulling on Jean's arm with all of his might, Armin successfully disengaged the two and managed to lead his fuming lover away.
No words were exchanged between the two of them on their way back home, minds preoccupied with different things. Armin was aware of the anger, the hurt, and the terror running through Jean's mind. Conversely, Armin was mainly preoccupied with hoping, praying, that nobody they knew overheard the conflict. Reiner and Bertolt didn't seem to be following them - or if they were, they concealed themselves well. That is what terrified Armin most. At any time, somebody could be lurking in pursuit of them.
Heading from the conflict straight back home was, in hindsight, a poor decision, but they both wanted to be far away from the people that threatened to ruin what they worked so hard for. Armin had confidence that they wouldn't be followed, judging from the tentative glances behind him. Still, to be safe, Armin closed the door and leaned against it to make sure it stayed shut.
Horrified, neither of them spoke a single word a while.
Jean was the first one to speak up, raking his hands nervously through his hair. "Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck was that?" He muttered, sitting down at the table and hanging his head.
"They just appeared out of nowhere! What happened before I came?" Armin questioned, questions gushing from him like a waterfall.
Even though the moment Bertolt intercepted him seemed to halt time, Jean's mind raced at a million miles a minute, rendering him unable to focus. "I-I don't know. He came out of nowhere; then you came, then Reiner came and..." Jean trailed off.
Armin didn't know how or if he should console Jean. They were both on edge from running into the Survey Corps' biggest threat - and they were damn lucky to escape unscathed. Reiner and Bertolt didn't seem to follow them, but neither wished to linger by the door and wait for their potential arrival like prisoners awaiting execution.
"I know it sounds crazy, and I might be completely gullible by saying this, but I really think they'll leave us alone," the blonde hypothesised, much to Jean's horror.
"Don't be naive, Armin!" Jean exclaimed. He could barely believe the words coming from Armin's mouth.
"It's entirely plausible. Look at it like this; you and I, and Reiner and Bertolt, are wanted by the Survey Corps for different reasons. Their crime is literally against all of humanity, so ours pales in comparison. They have so much - too much - to lose-" Armin began to convince Jean before the brunette cut him off.
"-and we don't?" Jean interrupted with exasperation. "We have everything to lose by taking risky gambles like trusting Reiner and Bertolt.
"Yeah, we..." Armin's voice trailed off until he was insecurely mute. He had no words or consoling phrases that would lift their spirits. The reality was that neither of them was aware of what the future would hold, or if Reiner and Bertolt would mind their own business like Jean and Armin planned to do. Something within Armin told him to trust his instincts, and this something refused to muffle itself. "...I guess we do. But I truly believe that they won't cause us, or the Survey Corps, trouble."
"I cannot believe what I'm hearing from you," Jean muttered, not wanting to entertain his assertions for much longer.
"They were suspicious of us from the moment they spotted us. They were intimidated by our presence, so don't you think that if they genuinely wanted something from the Survey Corps, they would have taken us anyway?" Armin emphasised. To the brunette plagued with disbelief, Armin began to spit similar rhetorics to crazy conspiracy theorists. Frankly, everything he was saying was borderline insanity that Jean could only wonder if Armin bumped his head that morning. A traumatic brain injury would explain his withdrawing behaviour before encountering Reiner and Bertolt - which still hadn't been addressed.
"Armin, I'm clearly never going to understand or accept your point of view and you won't understand that Reiner and Bertolt can't be trusted with anything!" Jean exclaimed, finally deciding he wasn't willing to entertain his theories. "Why are you so insistent on taking their word?"
"If trusting they'll keep our secret helps us, then I think we should trust them," Armin justified. "Even if they betray us in the end, at least we have a few days to plan our next move. But I really don't think it'll come to that!"
"Don't try and convince me that this whole situation is okay," Jean demanded. "A part of you definitely believes that we're not going to be okay, but you're too panicked to admit it! Besides, you've been scared that something like this would happen; that's why you've been acting so strange this week!"
"Look, arguing about this is going to lead us in circles," Armin pointed out. "We have more important things to worry about - like what we're going to do about the Military Police - than to speculate about our opinions of meeting Reiner and Bertolt."
"Fine," Jean muttered.
Truthfully, Jean hated arguing just as much Armin did, but that didn't stop the frustration rise at ceasing their discussion. Arguing was almost foreign to their relationship because they barely engaged in arguments during the Survey Corps. Jean supposed that because both of them felt that their comrades were constantly against them, they had no choice but to build a united front - their own team within a team.
As Jean hoped the disagreements weren't a symptom of incompatibility, Armin clearly felt guilty. He finally parted with the door and slowly approached the table to sit in the chair next to his disgruntled lover. "...thank you for defending me before. Reiner was targeting you for a reaction, but I appreciate the support, you know?" Armin murmured.
"You don't need to thank me, though I know I shouldn't have said anything because it would have drawn unnecessary attention to us," Jean conceded, knowing he'd defend him all over again in a heartbeat. Noticing Armin's tense silence and how his shoulders dropped in a brooding, self-conscious manner, Jean leaned forward in his seat to capture the expression on his downturned head. "I'm sorry, though. For what I said and for giving Reiner what he wanted. I should've been smarter."
"I'm sorry, too. You're probably right - I am being fairly naive," Armin agreed...mostly to keep the peace stable between them.
Reaching over to squeeze his shoulder - lingering momentarily - with reassuring intentions, Jean demonstrated that his own irritation had quelled, too. "I'm worried, too. The plan was to live normally, but let's face it; that's impossible for now. Let's just agree to keep a low profile and to leave the house when it's absolutely crucial. Just until the Military Police aren't around anymore," the brunette suggested.
Armin allowed himself to relax following Jean's request. He feared that Jean would advocate for abandoning the house and the village due to Reiner's and Bertolt's familiarity with the location. A major move wouldn't be ideal in the middle of winter, nor with Military Police bound to identify them at any given point.
"I can agree with that," Armin supported with a gentle, subtle nod. It wasn't hard to notice how pleased Jean became after his verbal acquiescence, but it was difficult to miss the heavy dread that still hung in the air
Secretly, they both couldn't help but ponder; is the good luck they took for granted beginning to run out?