This chapter talks about Lillian's attack, so if you have triggers, you're prepared. (There are people and resources near you if you need them. Worst case, call 911 and someone can help.)

This is not how I had planned on spending my day. I had planned on having a relatively easy morning at work, followed by a deliciously long lunch with my best girl. It was turning out to be the perfect day, until I decided to be generous and bring coffee for my friends. Serves me right for wanting to be generous and kind. I can see Rollins looking at me from the corner of her eye and she's checking to see if I'm ok.

"Oh for the love of… just turn the volume up, Rollins. You have work to do as apparently, so do I."

She sighs and turns the volume up on the mic in the room we are both watching. I simply cannot take my eyes off her and while that's obvious, I have never felt such a mix of emotions at once. I'm angry, upset, worried, all of it. I can only imagine what she has been dealing with. The volume in the room becomes clear as I hear Olivia speaking.

"So Lillian, let's go back to the morning that this started. Tell me what happened that morning."

She nods her head as she explains her morning routine.

"I got up a little late for a workday for me. Rafi goes to work much earlier than I, and he's usually dressed and ready to go by the time I'm out of bed. Still, he makes and brings me coffee almost every morning. If I'm asleep he leaves it on the table on my side of the bed, gives me a kiss on the forehead then leaves for work. That's how that morning started on Tuesday."

Olivia nods her head and encourages her to keep going.

"Ok. So you went about your business at home getting ready. What happened after you left home?"

She shifts in her chair, obviously a little uncomfortable with what she's going to have to discuss.

"I headed out of our place and started walking to work. It was a beautiful day, and only a 25 or 30 minute walk to work so I wanted to enjoy the day. It also helps to clear my head if I've got a lot going on."

Liv takes down some notes and nods her head.

"Did you stop anywhere unusual? Did you take a different route than when you normally walk?"

"No, I stopped for coffee at the shop on the corner. What would be unusual is if I didn't stop for coffee."

I can't help but smirk, she's as addicted to caffeine as I am.

"I headed back outside, coffee in hand, and started to walk to work."

Olivia says nothing so she continues.

"About 5 minutes or so later I was crossing over Lexington about a quarter of the way there. I got a call from Adam and I took that."

"Adam is…"

"Oh, sorry. Adam is one of my dear friends, and he works at the gallery. We were having an exhibition that weekend and that's what we were talking about."

Olivia nods her head in understanding.

"Anyway, I talked with him all the way across Park and Madison, and got up to the street our gallery is on. I headed there and after I put my phone back into my purse, I felt someone bump into me. No biggie, it's New York, people bump into you all the time. I was annoyed, but I didn't think anything of it."

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, something she does when she is trying to calm herself, and when she is trying to remember every last detail she can. It helps her to be back in the moment she is recalling, so if this works for her I'm all for it. She continues recalling the details with her eyes closed and the detail she is remembering is astounding.

"I remember that I was walking up 6th, and I distinctly recall that it was pretty quiet for 8:00 am. I remember thinking how weird it was that there seemed to be so few cars on the roads, traffic was actually very light that morning. I was walking closest to the buildings, not close to the road at all. Whenever Rafi and I walk in town he insists that he walk closest to the road and I suppose I've made that my habit even when he's not there."

She brings her left hand up to her chest as though she's protecting a thought, a feeling or an emotion.

"He insists on being chivalrous when we're out together. Who am I kidding, he's like that even at home."

She smiles, despite the pain I can hear in her voice.

"I remember walking for a moment more, then as I looked ahead of me I felt someone directly behind me. Again, not all that uncommon for New York so at the moment I didn't think something was about to happen. There was someone coming towards me so I moved a little closer towards the building beside me and that's where I felt the person directly behind me – as in I could feel their breath on the back of my neck. I felt what I thought was my coat being grabbed and something being pressed against my back. I stopped and I heard a voice whisper to me that if I screamed I'd be killed. So I didn't scream. I was coerced into the little alcove that was there, it's kinda out of the way of the pedestrian traffic… but it's secluded enough that people wouldn't think to look back there. You only really know it's there if you look, you know?"

Olivia nods her head.

"I get you. I think I know the area you're talking about. Keep going, Lillian, you're doing great. Take a breath if you need to."

Lillian smiles weakly at her and continues.

"I felt this thing pressed into my back – right between my shoulder blades. I offered the person my purse, my earrings, thank goodness I wasn't wearing my ring just then, I would have killed him if he tried to take that."

She defensively covers her engagement ring with her right hand, holding her hands tightly as she recalls more.

"He turned me around so my back was against the wall and I got my first look at his face. He was wearing a hat, like a winter hat 'cause it was still a little cold outside and he had a scarf on. I didn't take too much time to notice what else he was wearing and I'm sorry about that. I know I should have paid more attention to those little details."

"You did just fine, Lillian. You're remembering so much. Keep going."

Thank you for encouraging her Olivia. I'm not going to want to hear all this, but I have to. If I'm to defend her properly, I have to hear it and know every minute detail.

"He looked me directly in the eye, his eyes were brown – very dark brown. Very stereotypical for what you would associate with someone with a Latino background. Not at all like Rafael's though. His are a really light green like fresh spring grass but not all the time. His eyes lighten up a little like almost the color of an evergreen tree, but then they get these gorgeous little flecks of bright emerald green and saffron yellow in them but only when he gets truly excited about something… But his were nothing like that. They were very dark brown."

She pauses and as she takes a breath she closes her eyes, puts her hands to her face and continues.

"He had facial hair – like stubble, not a full beard. More than 5 o'clock shadow, but not like a Santa Claus beard. He had thin lips, dry and a little cracked. He had a voice that was a little deeper than Rafael's for comparison but nowhere near as silky or melodic. He had rough hands as though he worked in trades maybe, or definitely did something with his hands. Very dry and almost calloused."

She takes another deep breath, her eyes closed and she smiles.

"I'm sorry for being so lyrical about him. I know he's your good friend and it must be awkward to hear someone talk about him in such a colorful way."

Olivia smiles at her and nods her head.

"I understand though. You love him. If it helps you to draw comparisons to Rafa so we can get a more accurate description of this person I'm all for it. I promise I won't tease him."

"Thank you. Thinking about him calms me so much."

Olivia nods her head.

"Ok. What else do you remember? How tall was he?"

"Rafi is 5'8", so I'd say this person was around 5'10" give or take an inch."

Olivia scribbles in her book as Lillian continues to describe this person.

"Not stocky but not thin either. I hate to say it but he was average build. I know that's not very helpful. He had an accent."

Her head whipped up at Lillian.

"He spoke to you during the attack?"

Lillian nods her head as she continues.

"He did. His body was pressed against mine and he pinned my left arm against the wall, looked directly into my face and said and I'll say it slowly to make sure I remember every word. 'Nada está más justificado que la venganza en el lugar y momento adecuados. Ese momento es ahora'. He then put his mouth over mine and forced his tongue in my mouth."

I can feel Rollins staring at me to see my reaction to what we both heard so I try to keep the bile from rising in my throat and keep calm and cool, but feeling helpless as for a second time, Lillian is experiencing her attack. Her hand comes up to her mouth as though she is trying to wipe away the memory.

"Ever since then, Captain. Every time Rafael has wanted to kiss me I have done something to turn my head away. I've lowered my head and played shy, or turned my cheek…but at the risk of telling you too much personal information I miss it. I love when he kisses me. Well, the momentous ones to be certain but just the little peck… I miss that. I want him to kiss me more than I could ever be able to tell you, but every time he comes close to me I see his face, and I can't…"

She puts her hands up to her lips and the tears freely flow.

"I can't go through the rest of my life not being able to kiss the man who owns my heart."

Olivia reaches out to Lillian and places her hand gently on her arm.

"I promise you, we are going to get this guy and we are going to get you help to deal with this. I know how much you love Rafa, and he is so lucky to have you in his life."

Damn right.

"Do you need to take a minute?"

She shakes her head no, my girl is a trouper. I have never been more proud of another human being in my life.

"I'd rather get it over and done with in one shot. Let's just get this done."

"Ok. You stop and take a breath whenever you need to."

She takes a deep breath to clear her mind then continues.

"He grabbed my chest with his left hand and when I tried to push him away with my free hand he slapped me…"

As if turned back on by a light switch, the prosecutor in me is in full gear and I can't help but respond to this as I would with any other case.

"Assault in the 3rd."

"…which made my head turn to the left and that's when I realized that he had a knife."

"Assault in the 2nd."

Rollins looks at my stone cold gaze, but then looks at my hands and sees the tight fists they are curled up into. She says nothing, which is probably a very smart idea.

"He had the knife extended in my hand, and it was pressing against the palm of my hand like from my thumb to my pinkie. I was so focused on him not using that knife on me that I didn't realize that he had moved his left hand, and at that moment I heard the unmistakable sound of a belt buckle being undone."

How my hands clasp into an even tighter fist is beyond me as I make my assessment of the charge through my clenched teeth.

"Aggravated assault in the 2nd."

"There was no way in hell that that I was going to let that happen so I closed my eyes and kneed him as hard as I possibly could. I didn't know if I had actually done it or not until I heard the sound of vomit exploding on the ground…"

I instinctively smirk. That's my girl.

"… and feeling how warm my left hand felt. When he doubled over in pain from when I kneed him he had dug the knife into my hand and I didn't even realize. I took my scarf from around my neck, wrapped it around my hand and I bolted. I hailed a cab and headed to the hospital, which is where I first met you. They asked if I wanted to do a rape kit, but I said no because I wasn't raped. I gave them my clothes and I let them do an oral swab as well as under my nails. I couldn't be certain if I scratched him or not – I think I did but I can't remember. I'm sure they got some kind of DNA or something from the stomach contents that were all over my shoes. Oh god, those shoes. I wanted to keep those shoes, they were special once."

Olivia raises her head from her notepad as she stops writing.

"Special shoes?"

"Potential too much information alert."

Liv nods her head.

"Go on."

"Well I keep things to remember momentous occasions by, and even better if I can use the object again because I remember the special event even more. Like a pair of shoes or earrings. This pair of shoes was so very special to me. They were the shoes I wore on the date we went on before we first um…"

"Say no more, I gotcha."

There's a small silence.

"I don't want them back now. All they'll remind me of is pain and vomit. I'll buy a new pair soon enough, probably in white."

She could go barefoot when we marry and I wouldn't care. She has cute feet anyway, she should show them off more. I can't help but smirk again, but I know I have to focus on what I am not meant to be seeing and hearing.

"So Lillian, I think that does it for information I need. Of course, if you think of anything else that might add to the report – any scars, etc. Please call me or text and I will meet up with you. Now, if I can switch hats for a minute…"

She nods her head.

"I know. How to tell Rafi."

"He will defend you to the ends of the earth Lillian, of this I couldn't be more certain. We are going to do our best to find the person responsible and bring you some justice, but you need to tell Rafa. The sooner you do, the better."

"I know. I put everything at the back of my mind until after the exhibition at work, then with dinner on Saturday, errands on Sunday I just never found the right time. I have to make the time, I know. I'll talk to him tonight Olivia, I promise."

"I believe you. Come on in my office for a minute and grab a tissue."

That caught my attention. I take my first step in almost thirty minutes and I turn to look at the door that is Olivia's office that leads to Interview Room one. As soon as Olivia walks in she looks stunned but keeps walking. Behind her is Lillian whose gaze is on the floor… until she takes a breath. She doesn't look up but looks at Olivia.

"Prada. That's one of Rafi's colognes."

She closes her eyes and shakes her head, which she does when she's extremely pissed off.

"How long have you been here?"

"Long enough, Lillian. I heard it all."

She snaps her eyes open and looks towards Olivia.

"Did you invite him to come in to witness this?"

"I swear to you on my son I did not."

Rollins steps in.

"He didn't know anything when he got here, Lillian. He brought coffee in for us and I tried to get him to stay in the squadroom, Captain, but he was too fast getting in your office. He put the coffee on your desk and that's when he saw you both in one."

She seems relieved that this wasn't a set up, but I can't begin to…

"Lillian I don't know how to feel, think, what to say or do right now and you know that's incredibly unnerving for me. What do you need from me?"

Lillian looks at me and her tears flow.

"I didn't want you to find out like this, Rafael. I came here because I knew that Olivia would help me, it's what she does. Everything I said in there was true. Everything he did and said and puked on… You are my everything and you own my heart, Rafi. I didn't want to hurt yours but now that you know what happened, I just…I'm so sorry."

She brings her hands up to cover her face and this is when it kicks in, my protective nature for her. I walk the few steps to her and take her in my arms, wrapping them around her and holding her as closely as I can. Olivia looks at me and silently nods her head as she and Rollins leave the room, giving us some time alone. A few moments in this embrace and we both take a breath. I hand her a tissue and she takes it with a smile.

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

She wipes her eyes and nose and I lead her to the couch where we can sit and talk for a few minutes about all of this, out of the range of everyone's eyes and ears. She leans her head on my shoulder and I instinctively turn to place a gentle kiss on her head.

"Please tell me what you are thinking, Rafael."

"So many things Lillian that I wouldn't know where to start."

"Are you angry with me?"

"For being attacked? Absolutely not. Am I slightly pissed that you didn't tell me right away, yeah. Am I more pissed at the shenanigans that you and Liv pulled all week? Pretending you had never met at our place? Yeah, you're quite the actress, my love."

She smirks at me.

"Rafael, please forgive me for all of this. I'm truly very sorry for causing you pain by not coming right to you the day this happened."

"I'll accept your apology on two conditions."

I look in her gorgeous sparkling green eyes, the eyes that made me fall for her from the first day I met her and I can see the earnest in them. What did I ever do to deserve this piece of perfection?

"Anything."

I know she truly means it. I put my hand on her face and smile.

"Firstly, I'm taking the rest of the day. Come home with me. We don't have to talk, we don't have to do anything. But if you want to we will. If you want to cry, I have two shoulders. If you want to yell and scream, I have two ears. You want to punch something? Ummmm…"

I can see the beginnings of a smile creep up on her face.

"A pillow?"

"Perfect. Just whatever you need to go through, go through it with me. That's my job."

"And two?"

"Let me be your lawyer."

She laughs, and with that the music has returned. It has never sounded more lovely.

"I think that when I say you are my everything that it encompasses legal counsel, so that's a done deal."

I pull her close for a hug, kissing her forehead.

"Let's go home."

She nods her head and accepts my hand as we stand up, leaving Olivia's office.

"Thank you very much, Captain."

She nods her head.

"You're most welcome, Lillian. We'll be in touch soon. Barba."

"You and me are gonna talk, Ms. Benson. Joint Queens of Shenanigans you two are."

"Go home, Barba. Thanks for the coffee."

You're most welcome, Liv.

TBC

Feedback is lovely - like coffee on a Monday brought to you by Barba.