See You Later, Eren Chapter 8
Title: Fate
This just in: May 8th is not a Sunday. The promise of a May 8th chapter was a typo, I meant May 9th, as I always try to update on Sundays :p I hope I didn't disappoint anyone who was waiting on Saturday haha, hopefully the early timing makes up for it! This chapter is basically a character conversation fest, so let me know how you thought of the dialogue and the characterization, and what you thought overall about the chapter. With my finals finished (btw thank you so much to all who wished me luck!) I should be resuming a weekly schedule for uploads, so enjoy! -Y
Response to The r3wr1t3r: It makes me so happy that you eagerly await my chapters on Sunday, that means a lot! And good luck on your exams, I hope you did/will do well! Yes the dreams will play an important role, especially in the foreshadowing and symbolism department. I'm glad you are excited for an EMA confrontation, as I have big plans for it! I'm glad you appreciated the Mikasa overprotectiveness too, as I've gotten some mixed reactions towards it. Personally, I think it's realistic given her knowledge, or lack thereof, of Eren's intentions and what he'll do in the future, but either way you will see some developments in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!
Response to vXBlackreapverXv: thank you for the awesome review and good luck on your AP tests. If you've already taken them, I hope you did well on them! I'm glad you like my responses to you awesome reviewers, as I love writing them and interacting with you all! I love your analysis and appreciation of the dream scene, as it was very fun to write and packed with symbolism and foreshadowing. I'm also glad you picked up on Mikasa wanting to keep Eren and Historia from touching, as she's nowhere near petty enough to break off any interaction with Eren and another girl just out of jealousy haha. And yes the slight touch seemed to cause some deja vu, which may pose a real threat to Mikasa later. Eren has always been the trickiest of the main three to write for me, so thank you very much for the compliments about how I wrote Eren's feelings, and I hope you enjoy the great amount of eremika to come in this chapter! The Mikasa reveal to Ymir was certainly a ton of fun to write, and the plot finally is starting to move. You won't get as much plot here, but this is the last chapter of my "training arc," so the pace will pick up from here. Please enjoy!
Response to Assassins Qtip: Thank you so much! Don't worry I have big plans for Reiner!
Response to kaffeenator666: Once again a great review that I had so much joy reading! Thanks for the compliments on the first scene, and I hope you continue to look into them to see the foreshadowing. I have an explanation ready for Mikasa's headaches, so you'll just have to wait and see as the story goes on! Love your theories on Armin's appearance in the dream, though I can't comment on much at the present time. Thank you for complimenting my dialogue, as it's always a struggle to keep the characters as accurate as possible, and every chapter I try to make sure they stay that way, so every encouragement helps a great deal to know I'm on the right track. I'm glad you appreciated Eren's character as well. I know it can be frustrating to see these two characters in a state where they have so much to work on in order to have a healthy relationship, but every chapter will get us closer to that goal! I love your thoughts on Ymir, as it was just too much fun to write haha. Yeah, Mikasa is in a bit of a pickle, as she is reluctant to kill the Warriors because of the risk it poses but also for another reason, which you'll see a bit of in this chapter. I want Ymir to be a more active character, especially because it's her nature to go it alone a lot of the time, so she will definitely have her own motives for her actions in the future. I'm happy you liked the Armin and Eren conversation, too, as I love their dynamic and plan to write more of it in the future. Thank you so much for your thoughts and I hope you enjoy!
Response to dareaderreads: WOW you binge read all my chapters? That means so much that I was able to grab your interest like that! No need to apologize, I love long reviews! Completely agree with your thoughts on eremika and 139, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels so passionately about this wonderful ship and what it means to the story! When I read 138 I knew a time travel fic with the centerpiece of the chapter, Mikasa, would be super interesting and also unique, and its awesome you think the same! (also I 100% agree Mikasa is also my favorite anime character everrr) Thank you so much for the compliments about keeping her in character, as those kinds of remarks are music to my ears and really encourage me to continue with this story! Fanfiction is meant to take you on another adventure with the characters you love and it makes me so happy that I've recreated it for others. I appreciate that you think my story is so unpredictable! I have a thorough plan for this fic, down to where I know how many chapters there will be (fyi there'll be lots haha), so I hope you enjoy reading and theorizing on how it will all go!
Response to Melie - Ann: Thank you for the wishes of good luck on my exams, I think they went rather well, all things considered. I appreciate your thoughts on the Eren and Historia dynamic, as it definitely represents a problem that Mikasa will have to work with if she wants things to work out her way. Thanks for the comments about my story being unpredictable, it means a lot that I'm able to keep my readers guessing, even if I don't know exactly how I'm doing it haha. Things will only get crazier, I'll say that much ;) I completely agree on your thoughts towards Eren and Mikasa's relationship in this part of the manga/anime and rest assured there will be much development in that aspect, especially in this chapter! I loved reading your thoughts on the Armin and Eren scene, too, and you will see it play a big role in shaping Eren's thoughts in the future. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!
Screams. Blood curdling screams. Thousands of them. Millions of them. The dread of your life being stomped out of existence in horrible agony, knowing that everything you've ever loved has been trampled, and you, your loved ones, are next. It is inevitable, the thundering boom of hundreds of thousands of colossal footsteps are coming for you.
She sees it all.
And him. That being of unfathomable terror. His long locks roughly swaying by his head. He twitches, his features locked into a permanent scowl and his eyes glowing in hate. His torso is disturbingly draped ahead of the immense structure that she assumes is his body, his arms dolorously suspended by the jagged bones that jut too far from his back. She wants to vomit. She wants to empty out all of her contents and scream. She wants to gouge her eyes out. She wants to die.
A million Shiganshina's, happening before her eyes. Daughters are ripped away from their mothers, sons from their fathers. He is killing them all.
The screaming won't stop. Is it hers? Is it the people below her? They are cramped, desperate for something, anything, but he is coming for them all the same. He is going to kill them.
Freedom.
Screams.
She wonders if this is what he wanted, what he wants. Is he at peace? Is he happy now?
She can't forgive him. She knows what it's like to lose everything, to have your reality snuffed out quicker than you can blink. But... he gave it back to her, and now he's taking it away from everyone. The screams grow louder, they rupture through her ears, making her want to jab her fingernails into her skin.
"Eren..."
What could she have done... to stop this? To keep her Eren from doing this...
She loves the devil. She can't kill him, she's a slave to his will. Anything and everything she would do for him. The only reason she hasn't betrayed and murdered Armin and the others is because he hasn't told her to yet.
She's a horrible, worthless slave.
The screams are so loud.
This is Eren Jaeger.
...
She watches the young boy in front of her, eyes level as he wraps his scarf around her neck.
"It's warm, right?"
She touches it. It's warmth engulfs her soul. Not knowing how to express her love, she leans forward, and feels her lips press into his. For a moment the screams stop, and all she feels is Eren.
He is going to take care of her. He is going to be with her. He will never leave her.
She brings her hands to his head, caressing his soft cheeks.
But... she opens her eyes.
Her scarf is still tightly wrapped around her, but she's kissing his head, the life and warmth completely gone from his face. She hears blood gushing out of the bottom, and she sees the titan she's in begin to plummet.
Freedom.
Screams.
Eren...
She jolts awake. "Mikasa...!" the trembling voice of the boy she loves impales her eardrums. She instinctively cleans the water that's all over her face. Sweat or tears, she doesn't know, but she can still hear the screams.
"This is real- this is reality- stop-stop-stop-stop-stop screaming"
A scream, one wrought from the core of her heart, erupts out of the deepest part of her throat. Thankfully, it's slightly muffled by his shoulder.
She lets her own resounding volume fill the void of the cold night, though it only begins to convey the terror, the abhorrence, the anguish that's slithered into her soul. She stops momentarily to inhale, though it's ragged and forced. She's shaking profusely in his arms, and she can see his shoulder soaked from her ceaseless tears. She lets out another scream, this time dying in a pained, choked whimper as she drags her breath back in loudly and painfully. She's completely let go of any sense now, the desolate shrieks of millions of flattened souls bombarding her throbbing head, and now she doesn't know what's real.
All of her life is flashing before her eyes. Eren stabbing her kidnappers, her waking him up from his naps under that tree, her meeting Armin for the first time...
Shiganshina falling, Carla being devoured, Eren's horrible nightmares...
Eren coming out of that titan body for the first time, him being eaten by the Female Titan, the Armored Titan taking him, Hannes being devoured...
Mikasa starting to trust Eren on his own, Armin being burnt to a crisp, Eren touching Historia's hand, them seeing the ocean...
That should have been the end. Why wasn't it the end...?
And she realizes that it never meant a damn thing. There is no beauty in the cruel world. She clasps her head in between her hands, "stop... stop" she says in a voice that sounds nothing like her, more like that of a hysterical woman. She is Mikasa, she is strong. She fruitlessly tries to scream the voices away, but it's only making her body convulse more, the numbness that she feels unfortunately not extending to her brain. Anything that has ever been real gets flushed away with her tears.
Eren's decapitated head, him running over to touch Zeke, the thousands of people squishing under the feet of the beings that took away her home, and the screams. Her Ackerman instincts finally kick in, and she regains control of her body. Though her mind is still flashing with thousands of images, churning within her with an agonizing sense of prophetic dread. She finally looks at Eren, who is crying himself, his beautiful emerald eyes shuddering in profound terror. The screams of the damned grow louder, but she can't think of anything else except for the boy who saved her life... her only reason to live...
She hugs him tightly, burrowing her face into his neck as tight as she can as she sobs. She can feel his rapid heartbeat pulsate throughout his body.
Thoughts of that Eren... the one that told her he always hated her... they stick in her mind like a knife.
"Eren..." she sobs. "Please, come back."
She doesn't want to kill him. Please... don't make her kill him...
"I'm still here... I'm still here. It's just a panic attack, you're okay," the boy lets out through shuddery breaths. She almost wants to laugh at how cruel it is. He's still here, mocking her with what he'll become.
"Stay... please... I need you..." her heart erupts onto him.
"Miksasa..." his voice is high and strained, holding back fresh tears of his own. "I'll stay."
"No... he won't."
"Yes, he will."
"There's nothing... nothing you can do."
"I can do something. I'm strong."
"Your friends will die. He will kill them."
"No... don't..."
The outside world fuzzes out of existence. All that's there is Eren... and her memories... and her scars. Despite her Ackerman blood rushing through her, she can't control her shaking.
"I'll stay," he repeats.
...
She's a little girl again. Wrapped inside Eren's warm embrace. Her first nightmare.
"I can stay in here, if you want," he offers in a soothing whisper. At least it's soothing to her. Nothing could be more comforting than Eren's voice, whether it's shouting passionately, or whispering softly. She shyly nods her head, forcing herself to think happy thoughts.
"mommy and daddy are gone... but Dr. Jaeger... and Carla... they let me stay here. It's warm, and it's less boring in the town than in the mountains."
She sniffles. "And Eren. He makes me feel warm, and safe, like his scarf. It's going to be okay. Eren will stay with me. He'll stay."
The voice of her grown self echoes through the memory. "Will he?"
...
"T-try taking deep breaths..." Eren suggests. His eyes are wide, a slight wet to his cheeks, probably from the mortifying sight of Mikasa's utter fear.
She closes her eyes and takes a ragged, but slow, inhale through her weak nose. Though the tears have slowed considerably, she's still tightly wrapped around him, left cheek pressing firmly into his shoulder as she keeps her eyes closed. Her eyes are red, mouth etched into a deep, pitiful frown. She's a mess, she can feel it. She's sure Eren is bewildered, maybe even scared, by her outburst.
She slowly exhales, a few more tears escaping her eyes at the release of her facial muscles. Her face turns red in embarrassment as she takes a moment to calm down, still unable to keep herself from twitching and shivering. "That was too much... I shouldn't have cried."
Though, it's difficult to feel any shame with her heart beating as fast as it is, the numbness strong throughout her body. She struggles greatly to keep her breaths steady, riding out the wave of the worst panic attack she's ever had.
"...Should I get the... get the instructors?" he asks apprehensively. His words are interspersed with blanks, as if distracted by something. "Probably how desperate you look," she thinks to herself.
She instantly shakes her head. This... this is only something she can share with Eren. She'll close up if anyone else comes, she knows she will, and she doesn't want to do that just yet. Being fair, though, if she could spend the rest of her life hugging him, she'd be tempted to take that offer.
"I.. I-I" her heart's still beating too fast for her to formulate proper words, but Eren interrupts her.
"It's fine... it's okay."
True to his word... they stay like that. For a long time, maybe. Mikasa isn't sure, taking in each second as if it's her last makes you lose track of time. Either way, it's enough time for her to mostly calm down, regaining feeling back into her fingers and toes, and heart coming to a comfortable pace.
She hesitantly breaks out of his hug, his arms slowly sliding off her as she moves. She keeps her eyes on the ground.
"Sorry... I had a nightmare."
"It's okay, really." His eyebrows are arched in concern. Seconds pass with neither saying a word, as a thought enters into Mikasa's mind. "How late is it?" It has to be closer to tomorrow morning than it is to yesterday evening, she thinks.
"I should get some sleep," she says, voice barely above a whisper as her throat is a bit strained after the ordeal. She stands up, causing a short gasp to come out of Eren. He shoots up, hovering his arms over hers.
"Are you sure? You shouldn't go to bed alone..." his cheeks glow with a bit of red as he catches himself. "I-I mean, you know, because you just had a nightmare. What if you get another one? Or what if you get frightened or something?"
Though Eren has no way of knowing, Mikasa knows it's all out of her. She won't be getting another nightmare anytime soon. She's so tired there's no way she can dream.
"I'll be okay. I'll have Sasha with me, just in case," she softly reassures. Obviously, Sasha wouldn't be able to help her as much, but she just wants to placate Eren. It doesn't seem to work, however, judging by his face.
"I... okay," he blinks hardly, vainly trying to get the tiredness out. If Eren wasn't so tired, she isn't sure how successful she'd be in convincing him to relinquish.
Her inner child, the one that wants to stick to Eren no matter what, makes it harder for her to move. But she does. She slowly walks back towards the cabin, Eren maintaining his concerned look as he walks by her side, holding her hand.
She can't stick with Eren no matter what. That's what she did last time...
This time things will be different. They have to be. Even without Ymir, she'll stop the shifters on her own if she has to.
She wipes her eyes.
"Did she sleep at all?" Eren thinks as he looks at her with probing eyes. Mikasa wears dark circles under hers, her head down as she walks next to Eren.
They are on their expedition home, this time departing early in the morning instead of mid-day. It turned out to be a double edged sword for the boy, as it meant that the expedition would be spent almost entirely in the day time, a real bonus, but it also meant they'd be waking up early. This usually wasn't a problem, but he had spent most of his night comforting Mikasa, and then the small bit he had left worrying about Mikasa as she slept in the other room.
Well, "slept" appears to be a strong word, as her slow plodding and narrow eyes don't indicate that she was successful in getting any shut eye either. That only makes Eren more concerned, of course. They have a long walk ahead of them, so if he has to stay by her side to make sure she doesn't collapse, he's more than prepared.
His eyes shift to the heavy backpack slung around her shoulders. "That thing's heavy, I can carry it if you want?"
Despite her groggy state, her eyebrows are animated as she gives him a strange look. Eren realizes it's kind of a Mikasa thing to do, offering to hold her backpack along with his, but he'd say has a good reason.
"I'm okay. Thanks."
"Are you sure? You look pale."
"That's just my skin color."
"Pfft," Eren lets out with a frown. "Yeah, sure it is."
"It's cold, too."
"We haven't even been walking for an hour," he sighs. He wants to knock some sense into her, but he's new to this. He's not usually the one insisting she go easy on herself. "Mikasa, you can't just pretend you didn't have a panic attack. You're not in good shape!" he reminds her in a hushed tone, not keen on letting everyone else know about what happened last night. Maybe he'll tell Armin soon, if she's okay with it.
He doesn't know why he's doing this. Truly, his inner self is yelling at him. "You're babying her just like she does to you. Don't you see the hypocrisy?!" But the compulsion is too strong. Her tired eyes, still wearing a glint of sadness and stress... and something else. The same something that's been confusing him for such a long time now. But, looking at her now, he hardly has it in him to care. He thought for the longest time that something within her was different, that she's changed, but when he remembers the night that he took her to her new home, he realizes she's always been this way. Something might be going on inside her head, but she's still Mikasa. And whatever she wants, it's for the same reasons she does anything. For her loved ones.
Just like he wanted to save her that night... he wants to be there for her right now, goddammit. He inwardly curses himself for being such an idiot. His and Armin's conversation gave him the idea, but her panic attack blew past his expectations. His whole time during training he couldn't shake the idea that she risked life and limb because of some stupid debt she owed him. Because he saved her life when they were young and now she feels the need repay him a hundred times over, and because they're friends and she feels the need to save his incompetent ass.
But remembering her words... "Stay... please... I need you" And the way she hugged him tightly and wouldn't let go... it shook him to his core. Something about the usually indomitable Mikasa's pitiful cries, and her sad eyes. Just like that night at the orphanage. He begged her to tell him what was wrong, but she never ended up confessing. Now, it seems obvious, and he curses himself for being too much of an idiot to see it then.
"I'm not going to take that risk," she told him.
She just doesn't want him to die.
She needs him.
"Shit..." Eren curses quietly to himself at the memories. He grabs her back pack quickly, holding it in his arms as Mikasa realizes what he's doing.
"Eren," she says, reaching for the pack. Eren keeps it out of her reach. "Just for a little while. You're tired, it's the least I can do." He tries to scowl while saying it, to maintain some aura of aloofness, but he fails miserably. She hesitantly concedes, drawing her arms away. Her frown only lasts for a few seconds, though, and Eren knows that he's doing her a favor just by keeping the weight off her back, even if she'll never admit it.
A part of him knows her being tired is only an excuse for him. He was wrong, it's as simple as that. All of that anger and confusion, all of the times he snapped and said he doesn't want her around.
Oh god... that must have really hurt her, now that he thinks about it. Sure, he knows exactly why he acted that way, even if it was too much some of the time. She smothered him, and it really did make him feel inadequate. But knowing it was all a silent plea, that every action she took was her way of saying "Please don't go... don't leave me"... It's eating him up inside like nothing else could.
If Armin offered a different perspective, then Mikasa's nightmare gave him a different worldview. And he's sorry. He's so damn sorry...
It's like something inside him snapped when she clung to him last night, something that makes him want to cling to her too. If for no other reason, then so he can stay with her like she wants. "She's my friend, she's my best friend, she's..." he sighs.
He doesn't know if he should give up and tell her he knows how it feels, to worry about someone like he's worrying about Mikasa, or if he should smirk and ask "how does it feel to be coddled?"
Probably better to do neither, is his answer, as he shifts the bag in his hands to get a better grip on it. He slows to let Mikasa catch up to him again, trusting that she won't try to steal it back. It's the least he can do to make amends... helping her like this. And he wants to.
Still, a certain question lingers in his mind. If she cares that much about her friends... why does she always stick to him? What makes him different from Armin, or Sasha, or Connie and Jean? Or Ymir... she's pretty close to Ymir, right? They have been stealing glances at each other during their trek, though they don't necessarily look like friendly glances, more so strange. Either way, what makes him so special?
It's a question he could probably get out of Armin, but he wants to hear it from her. Armin can only guess, after all.
He looks back at Mikasa, her form once again reminding him of everything. Everything he used to do to comfort her, and everything he doesn't do now. Everything he regrets saying to her... and before he knows what he's doing he lifts her hood over her head. She lifts her eyebrows in surprise but doesn't resist, instead looking at him with wide, doe eyes.
"You said you were cold... so..." he feels a light blush creep onto his face, which he frowns away. No one else in their group is wearing a hood, as most opted for earmuffs due to the relatively warm weather, but she's not putting it down, so he knows he must be doing something right.
"You gonna eat that?" The tentative but excited voice of Sasha pipes up amidst the sea of voices.
"I'll let you take a guess, potato girl." Jean answers unenthusiastically, taking a bite out of his bread with a frown on his face. Sasha's face falls.
"Sasha, no one's gonna give you their food. We were just walking up and down a mountain, in the snow, for a day," Connie reminds her. Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Marco sit at one of the larger tables in the mess hall, all looking forward to filling their stomachs and relaxing for the few hours of sunlight they had left.
"But I'm hungryyyy!" She pleads, grabbing Connie's arm while drooling from the mouth.
"Oi, quit it! You already bullied Mina into serving you a bigger portion!" Connie says, ravenously shaking off her iron grip.
"Why didn't you?! You walked just as much as I did!" she reasons.
"Sasha, if everyone thought that way, we'd run out of food in no time," Marco interjects. Sasha plops her head on the table with a thump, making a noise halfway between a sigh and a wail. But, she seems to get the message, letting go of Connie's arm.
"Still, though, I could do with some more food myself. I'm about to fall asleep, and my legs are killing me." Connie muses. His plate is completely clean along with Sasha's, Jean and Marco being the only ones who decided to pace themselves it seems. "Lucky Daz, he got to be wheeled back here."
Jean gives him a deranged look. "You do remember he almost died, right?"
"Yeah, yeah, you're right," he lifts his hands in surrender, tired expression still on his face. "Still, though. My legs could have used the break. Maybe I should have tried getting lost in the snow..."
"You're an idiot," Jean mutters, taking a sip out of his soup. Connie furrows his brow, about to speak up, before Marco interrupts him.
"You know, Jean, I'm surprised you didn't try anything like that out there," he remarks.
Jean looks at him with an irked expression. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You tend to go out on your own a lot. I was worried you were gonna get lost or hurt yourself because of a poorly thought out decision," he explains calmly, though it is little comfort to Jean, who crosses his arms angrily.
"Okay, I get your point, let's just forget about the whole shortcut thing already." Jean admits, that shortcut probably wasn't the best thought out plan, but he was exhausted and desperate for anything that would make their trek go faster. At the time, it seemed ingenious.
"Hey! It would have worked if there wasn't so much snow!" Sasha says, hellbent on insisting that it was a good idea.
"Yeah, if only we would have taken the fact that we were on a mountain into account," Jean says sarcastically, cracking a cocky smile. "Unlike you two, I'm mature enough to admit when I'm wrong. We should have stayed on track."
Marco gives him a smile, seemingly convinced that Jean has changed for the better. Sasha gives him a dangerous glare, before the corners of her mouth turn up mischievously. "What's this potato girl thinking?" he mutters to himself.
"Actually, I think I agree with Marco. And I'm sure the risk of you doing something stupid was way higher 'cause Mikasa was there with us."
Jean's cheeks turn a shade of pink. "Hey, what are you getting at?"
Connie smirks with Sasha, catching on to her little game. "Yeah, who knows the hurdles you'll jump through to impress her." Jean's face heats up even more.
"What the hell are you talking about?!" He tries at a menacing scowl, which only makes the two chuckle.
"I was wondering what had you so pissed, it must be what happened on the way back," Connie laughs.
"Oh, you're right, Connie, looks like someone's jealous!" Sasha adds with a devilishly playful snigger. Jean considers leaving the table altogether and finishing his food somewhere else, but that would be admitting defeat, so he stays put, looking down at the table and trying his best to suppress his blush.
"Don't make fun, you guys. It's natural to have a crush on the most popular girl in the corps," Marco tries to scold the two, to no avail. Though Jean doesn't like being treated like he needs to be defended like that, he's thankful for Marco's support.
"Speak for yourself." Connie flashes a wide and boastful grin. "I don't think that way about anyone."
Sasha's eyebrows rise. "Huh? You told me that you liked Kr-"
"Oi, shut up about that! Everybody knows she doesn't count, even Ymir wants to marry her!"
Jean smirks at that. He wants to give Connie a hard time for having a light crush on Krista, but she is the most lovable girl in the corps, so there isn't much Jean can grill him for. "Besides, going back to the topic at hand," Connie begins after the three finished their laugh, "It's not that you like Mikasa, what makes it so funny is how hopeless it is."
"Yeah. Sorry, Jean, but she obviously likes Eren," Sasha says. Jean lets out a sigh.
"Ah, what a load of crap. He gives her shit all the time, and she still likes that suicidal bastard. What's stupid though is that now he decides that she's important," Jean vents, gesturing to Mikasa and Eren, who sit a few tables away from them. She still looks awfully tired for some reason, and he's talking to her with his eyebrows arched in concern, which is not a face you see on Eren every day.
"Whaddya mean?" Sasha asks.
Jean takes a sip of water to calm himself. "I'm not sure what happened, but I thought they had an argument during the expedition. For the rest of the night, they didn't really look at each other. But for some reason, though, he was sticking to her like tree sap today."
"Huh. Guess they made up," Marco comments.
Jean knows it's petty, but he can't help but feel disappointed by the turn of events. Mikasa and Eren could have possibly had a falling out, allowing him to swoop in and impress Mikasa. Now, that's all down the shitter, and wonders what could have happened that changed Eren so much. He knows he left his room that night to see Mikasa, but Jean was asleep by the time he returned.
"Of course they did," Jean mutters indignantly.
"Don't be so surprised, Jean boy," Sasha pipes up. "I don't think there's anything Eren could do that would make Mikasa stop being so close with him."
Jean furrows his brow, prompting her to continue. "Apparently, when they were younger, Eren saved her from a bunch of kidnappers." She emphasizes the last word. All three boys' mouths drop at the revelation.
"A while back, she was saying some things in her sleep, something about her mom and dad, and she kept repeating Eren-"
Jean slams his head on the table. "How do I compete with that?" he says with a groan.
Sasha laughs. "I haven't even gotten to the good part yet. I asked her why she says those things and after some gentle persuasion, she said he saved her and that's how they met." She emphasizes 'gentle persuasion', though Jean suspects it consisted of a lot of pathetic begging and oppressive nagging.
"My point is, you really should just give up."
"Wow, Sasha. You really know how to make a guy feel better," Jean deadpans, propping his chin up on the table with his two hands. Sasha only shrugs in response.
"You'll be thanking me in the long run, Jean."
He only sighs in response.
Her eyes widen slightly as she realizes what she's relayed to her three friends. "B-but you didn't hear it from me! I'll bet Mikasa didn't want me to go telling people, so keep it to yourselves!"
Armin sits at a table that's comfortably away from the center, where much of the commotion was usually focused. This evening, he sits by himself, as he had gotten into a conversation with Sandra a while back, but she was so tired she left early. She's one of the smarter trainees in the corps, so Armin liked to talk about things that were pretty much off limits to most of his friends. Eren would always start complaining about how boring Armin could be within the first five minutes, and Mikasa would just start blinking at him, completely lost on whatever he was talking about.
Speaking of the two, they had been sitting alone with each other for the whole evening, and while he thought about joining them, he found himself lost in thought instead. Eren has been acting quite protective the entire day. He's stuck to Mikasa's side nonstop, and he's been giving her an amount of care that he doesn't see very often. Did their conversation really have that profound of an effect on Eren? It didn't seem to Armin like he was terribly convinced at the time...
Or did something else happen? He isn't quite sure himself, but he knows they had some kind of conversation last night. A part of him feels like he missed out on a golden opportunity, not knowing what happened in that conversation, as it could have provided valuable insight on what's going on with her. However, he also gets the sensation that whatever they shared deserves to be between them, so he sits here, fidgeting, observing, and pondering.
Not that there's a whole lot of pondering left to do. The entire day he didn't interact much with either of them. He checked on Mikasa in the morning, and said his greetings to the both of them, but after that he left the two to themselves. That gave him plenty of time to think, and what struck him almost immediately was how worried she seemed to be. She would often stare at Eren as if she was desperate to tell him something, and Armin swears she gave Ymir some strange looks multiple times during their expedition back to camp. And thinking about it, he made the comparison back to how she acted a couple of days ago, with Krista.
He still can't imagine jealousy would actually drive her to do what she did, but he doesn't have a better explanation at hand. It seems irrational, just like with how she tries to split up him and Annie, but knowing Mikasa, there has to be a method to the madness. Armin supposes he should make a distinction between Krista and Annie, though. Mikasa treats Krista with as much kindness and respect as she does most of the other cadets, but he can't say the same for Annie. Maybe it's the fact that she's just as combative as Mikasa, or maybe Annie's just-
"Sitting alone again, Arlert?" the deep voice of Reiner can be heard slightly behind the blond as he pats him on the back, making him jump slightly in surprise. He's carrying a tray of food, clearly looking for a less crowded seat amongst the chatter of the mess hall. He's a lot like Mikasa in that, despite being very popular, he doesn't bask in it. Armin gives him a smile in return.
"You know it's of my own accord, Reiner," he responds. He knows if he wanted to sit with his two friends, they would be more than accommodating, but being the introvert he is, sometimes being alone is preferred. Reiner laughs.
"Lucky you. I can't manage to find Bertholdt anywhere." Armin responds by gesturing to the seat across from him, inviting him to sit, which Reiner accepts with a smile.
"So, what's on your mind, Armin?" he asks as he places his tray of food down. Armin lifts an eyebrow, which he shrugs at. "You looked lost in thought, maybe talking to someone could clear it up."
"Oh, well actually, maybe you could help me," Armin says as a thought enters into his mind. "You're friends with Annie, no?"
"Friend is a strong word with someone like her. I know her better than most, if that's what you're asking," he answers as he idly takes a bite out of his bread.
"It's just, I wonder what she could have done to make Mikasa dislike her. She's been acting strange lately, and I was hoping to get to the bottom of it."
Reiner's eyes narrow, and suddenly his expression looks a bit more serious. "I think I know what you mean. It's not just Annie. Mikasa gives me weird looks every once and a while, too."
Armin nods. He had been aware of Mikasa's dislike towards Reiner, and Bertholdt too, now that he thinks about it. Reiner leans in closer.
"Do you have any ideas what it could be for?"
Armin looks down in contemplation. "To me, it almost feels like she's planning something..."
Reiner's eyes seem to darken as he wears a discomforted expression. "Hm... I'll admit, there's a strong conviction in her eyes, no doubt about that. You think you know what it could be?" he repeats his question. Armin can tell that Reiner's trying to be nonchalant, but judging by his serious expression, it's likely he's just as interested in this as Armin. Unfortunately, the boy doesn't have a good answer for him. He shakes his head.
"It's anyone's guess, I'm afraid."
Reiner hums in response, taking another hearty bite out of the bread. "There's one thing I know for sure. Whatever she wants, she's skilled enough to get it. Sometimes I worry. I didn't think humans could possibly be as proficient as she is with her blades, and that makes her dangerous. Hopefully we can use that danger to take back our land and kill the titans, but nothing's guaranteed, and nothing could stop her from achieving whatever she sets her mind to, good or bad," Reiner adds. This gives Armin pause. If Reiner really is implying the possibility of Mikasa going rogue, that could certainly present a danger to everyone, and would be a huge loss for humanity. He understands Reiner's point of view, but Armin knows Mikasa well enough to understand one thing: she only ever had one goal. As he takes another glance at Mikasa, he sees that she's staring at Eren with a bit of a blush on her face, who knows what they could be talking about, and her eyes shine with an adoration that he never sees in Mikasa with anyone else. She's horribly in love with him, that much is obvious to Armin.
"He could..."
"Hm?"
"Eren. Even though she's acting off, she'll always be by Eren's side."
"I can believe that," Reiner says as he glances at the two.
"...And so long as Eren is against the titans, she will be too."
"Yeah..." Reiner mutters in agreement, his eyes suspiciously trained on Mikasa. For a second, Armin wonders what could be going on through Reiner's head, before he turns around abruptly with a confident smile.
"So, how much you want to bet the instructor has us running bright and early tomorrow?"
Armin's face falls dramatically. With his level of energy, running tomorrow morning would be tantamount to suicide. "Please, Reiner. Don't give me nightmares."
"Ymir," the soft voice of Krista calls out.
"Live for no one but yourself."
"Ymir...?"
"What a shitty reason to exist. Living for others in the vain hope you'll be remembered fondly."
"Ymir!" she raises her voice and grabs onto her arm, shaking Ymir out of her daze.
"Eh?"
"You looked so lost in thought, what's on your mind?" Krista asks with a polite smile. Ymir cracks a smirk.
"How nosy of you, wanting to know what I'm thinking, what if it's a private matter of mine?"
Krista's eyes widen a bit. "Oh, sorry! I-" She's interrupted by Ymir bumping her with her elbow.
"I wasn't thinking about anything, really. I'm just tired," she lies.
What a day it had been. They begin their mountain expedition, Krista almost gets herself killed, she turns into a titan just so Krista doesn't die, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. She knows Krista is going to ask about that sooner or later, and though Ymir feels like she can trust her, she isn't looking forward to breaking the news. That alone would have amounted to quite the day, but suddenly Mikasa, the popular girl that she's roomed with for years now, reveals that she knows everything about her, about Marley, about the titans...
and about Krista.
She really doesn't intend on telling a soul about Mikasa's plan. After the initial shock of her reveal subsided, she was able to tell that Mikasa, despite her knowledge, wasn't some all knowing mastermind. She's just a girl who's obviously in love, and is willing to do anything to remedy the mistakes she made in the last timeline. That feeling Ymir has about her, it's a bit of a double edged sword. Knowing Mikasa has such a simple motivation is the reason she isn't telling anyone, it reminds Ymir that Mikasa is a human with no nefarious goals, and it puts her at ease. However, the fact that this is Mikasa she's dealing with, someone with enough skill and drive to do anything she sets her mind to, is worrying.
Unfortunately there's no gut feeling guiding Ymir towards any other conclusions regarding the raven haired girl. She ultimately has no idea whether her information is safe in Mikasa's hands. What's stopping her from revealing that Ymir's a titan to everyone? She can only reason that because Mikasa never told anyone for the past few years, she won't tell anyone now. Though that's little assurance when one considers what perfect blackmail it is. Mikasa could easily use it to force Ymir into helping her... or, even worse, she could use her knowledge of Krista as blackmail.
"Shut up about that... you shouldn't live for anyone else. Don't make a choice for the sake of another, it doesn't work," she tells herself. "No... the most important thing is that you're in danger because of what Mikasa knows."
Though, now Ymir knows a secret of her own. She could never threaten Mikasa with Eren... even in her titan form she has little doubt that Mikasa could best her. But, now that Mikasa's revealed herself, it gives her perfect leverage of her own. Clearly, Eren doesn't know about the truth of Mikasa, Ymir might even be the only person she's told. Ymir could ensure her safety by threatening Mikasa with telling Eren.
But... Mikasa knows that. She's a smart woman, she has to know that telling Ymir would be risking everything. And yet, she told her anyways. So should Ymir even worry about Mikasa revealing the brunette's true nature?
And then there's the whole question of how she knows any of this. A part of her still regards the time travel explanation as utter bullshit. But... it does fit snugly into place as an explanation of how she knows everything she does. Sometimes, when she remembers how she felt when she ate the Marleyan titans' friend, gazing upon that beautiful beam of light, branching off like a tree, in a strange, sandy place... time travel doesn't sound like the most unbelievable thing in the world. And the fact that Mikasa seriously had the gall to look Ymir in the eye and tell her that she was a time traveler, that must be proof that she really was.
She rubs her temples, trying to ease the headache that is forming around her head. Now is certainly not the time to use so much brain power, Ymir thinks.
"Sorry," Krista mutters, looking down at the table with a look halfway between frustration and defeat. Ymir raises an eyebrow, looking at her quizzically.
"I know what you said at the mountain... and I..." she halts herself, trying to find the right words. "You're right. I would have froze to death, and you risked your life to save me. You would have died if it wasn't for Mikasa, all because I wanted to feel like I deserved to exist."
Ymir stays silent, letting the ambience of the mess hall's usual ruckus fill the air. She finds herself giving the blonde a genuine smile. It made her sick, sicker than it had any right to, the idea of Krista feeling like she wasn't enough for the world. It was exactly how Ymir felt, back then, and the only reason she got to redeem herself was because fate deemed her lucky enough to inherit the power of a titan.
Looking into her ocean blues, her golden smile... Ymir finds that she can't, she won't let Krista suffer the same fate.
"Thank you... for saving my life," her eyes radiate kindness, a kindness and gratitude that warms her heart, and she finds herself flashing the blonde a toothy grin. Ymir wraps an arm around the smaller girl.
"Don't let it go to waste then, you hear me?"
Krista rests her head on Ymir's side, letting out a small chuckle. They sit like that for a bit, enjoying the others presence. As much as Ymir hates to admit it, Krista is the only one who defies her philosophy. She wants to live for herself, and only for herself, because there's nothing she can do to make the world love her, and there's no point in trying. She wants Krista to realize that too, but... no matter how much of a bitch Ymir is at times, Krista stays with her no matter what. She's the antithesis of everything she believes... that the world is selfish and love is inherently conditional.
But... is it just this way because Krista's putting on an act? In trying to encourage her to live for herself, is Ymir pushing away the one person who stays with her through thick and thin? What would she think if she found out she was a titan?
Ymir looks back at from across the mess hall, her and that Jaeger boy deep in conversation. "What is Krista's fate? Do you really know... Mikasa?"
"Oi, that reminds me, I got something to do."
"Hm?" Krista hums in questioning.
"Sorry, but I gotta talk to Mikasa about something."
"That's fine, I'll see you!" she smiles brightly.
"Yeah..."
"Hey, Eren, you mind if I talk with Mikasa for a second?" Ymir asks in her usual disinterested voice, though this time she's hiding a bit of urgency with it. Mikasa immediately shoots up from her conversation with him, eyes narrowing in an apprehensive glare pointed at the brunette. Ymir gives her an emotionless stare in return, but their eyes remained fixed on each other.
"Huh? What's wrong?"
"That's not really your business, Jaeger," she responds as she keeps her eyes fixed on Mikasa. She can tell Eren is starting to read the situation, his eyes shifting confusedly between her and Mikasa.
"Eren, can I talk with Ymir for a second?" Mikasa finally pipes up, eyes still on Ymir as she does so. However, as soon as Eren grabs her hand, she snaps her head to face him, her wary glare instantly replaced by caring eyes.
Ymir resists the urge to scoff. It's so obvious how much Mikasa loves that boy, and how she'd do anything to keep him safe, probably. At a glance, Ymir isn't sure about Eren and his feelings towards Mikasa. She doesn't know the guy well enough to guess that he's in love with her too, especially with how she's seen him snap petulantly at Mikasa more than a few times, but it's clear he holds her in a different regard than everyone else. Right now, he seems to be just as caring, which strikes Ymir as odd, though she hasn't the time or headspace to think about it.
She can tell Mikasa's trying to find an excuse to tell Eren in order to convince him to leave, but, noticing her struggle, Ymir interjects. "It's nothing big, I just wanted to thank her for saving my life. Don't get me wrong, though, I'm only doing it 'cause Krista told me to."
"Yeah. It's fine, Eren." Mikasa flashes him a small smile. After a few moments of deliberation, Eren lets out a light sigh.
"Okay. I'll go find Armin or something. I'll see you guys later," he says as he gets up out of his seat and walks off. Mikasa's eyes follow his retreating form as Ymir takes a seat, having just one question in mind, something that might put everything into perspective.
Mikasa looks back to Ymir, a wary stare once again forming on her face as she awaits the brunette's words. Ymir can tell she's nervous to hear what she has to say, which puts her at ease a bit, knowing that she still has some power over the situation.
After a bit of silence, she looks Mikasa straight in the eyes.
"What were his last words?"
Mikasa lets out a light sound of surprise as her mouth hangs open just a tad. A bit of color leaves her face as she looks to be recalling the memory. Mikasa said Eren died in her last timeline, if Ymir remembers correctly, and her reaction seems to corroborate that.
She stays quiet for a few seconds, looking down at the table, clearly remembering something she would much rather forget. Her eyes hint at a hidden, weary pain, something that Ymir understands better than many others.
"Forget about me." she lets out in an emotionless whisper
Ymir looks down at the table as well, face also not betraying any emotion. Though, she'd be lying if she said there's no part of her that's a bit sickened. "Forget about me..."
Mikasa looks at Ymir with serious but expectant eyes, clearly asking her why she felt the need to ask such a question. Ymir looks back at her. "Sorry for making you have to think about that again, but I wanted to know."
She scratches her ear and looks to the side. "This will probably be the mistake that costs me my life, but, I'll help you," she says. Mikasa widens her eyes in response, but easily contains her emotion.
"Thank you." Her voice, though monotone, hints at a deep relief that's settled with her.
"Only if you make me a promise. Krista will stay safe, and outta the hands of the Marleyans." She crosses her arms with a frown. If she is going to do this, risk her life for anyone but her own sake, it's gonna be for Krista. Thinking about those words... "forget about me," she knows she's not about to let Krista suffer the same fate as Mikasa's Eren.
Mikasa nods in response. "I promise."
"We missed a golden opportunity, but there's still time to kill Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie." Her voice lowers to a whisper as she discloses their names, not that anyone will likely notice with the sounds of the mess hall. "If you really don't want to get your hands dirty, I can try and take them out, but without your skills I can't guarantee it'll work."
"We're not going to kill them," Mikasa shuts Ymir's idea down, making her frown and furrow her brow.
"You're shooting yourself in the foot, Mikasa."
"There's a chance I can change their minds."
Ymir sits up straight, taken aback. But after thinking for a couple seconds, she narrows her eyes. "There's something you're not telling me, Ackerman."
"If I told you everything that happened we'd be here for a while. Like I said, I was nineteen before I came back."
"That's not what I mean. I guess I don't know you too well, but there's no way you of all people would want to bring the ones who killed Eren to your side."
"I'm not doing it for them." Mikasa gives her a glare. "Their powers are valuable, if we can take them out of enemy hands-"
"What happened to not wanting to risk anything because of Eren?" Ymir shoots the girl an inquisitive stare.
It doesn't make any sense, Ymir thinks. Why would Mikasa have any desire to keep the three alive? Did something happen in her timeline that gave her a different perspective on them? Even so, if Eren died at Trost, why would she have any impetus to even consider not taking their lives as soon as she saw them? She's Mikasa...
The raven haired girl looks back down at the table, face scrunched in contemplation and hesitation. "You're right, forget I said that. I'm desperate to get the titans out of Marley. We'll kill them when the time comes, though, not before."
Ymir sighs. "Fine. Don't tell me what you're thinking. As long as Krista's safe, I couldn't care less how you plan to do this."
Mikasa's expression doesn't change, instead moving her head back to where Eren is sitting. He's talking to Krista, idly wiping the tiredness out of his eyes. Come to think of it, both him and Mikasa seemed exhausted throughout the day. It was clear that whatever happened, it was the first time Eren showed a great amount of care for her, at least from what Ymir's seen. If Eren's last words really were "forget about me," Ymir struggles to ascertain whether she had confessed her love in the last timeline.
"If those are your last words, you either don't care much about her or..." she looks to Mikasa. "Care about her more than anything in this world."
She empathizes with Mikasa. Though she lives nearly opposite to Ymir's philosophy, seemingly living only for Jaeger, there's a deep part of her that sees the exact same thing in herself. And she can't stop thinking about that damned blonde girl that's worked her way into Ymir's heart.
"Thank you, Ymir... really."
"Don't make me regret it," she finds herself saying as she scoots out of her seat. She may understand Mikasa, but she's not going to let it show. "This is either the best decision I've ever made, or the worst mistake of my life," she thinks.
Annie walks through the central buildings of the encampment, absentmindedly kicking a small rock along with her. Her hands are in her pockets, her head down and focused on the rock, as she thinks about how much work she'll have to do to get into the top ten. It's not a question of if, just a question of whether she has to actually try.
She passes by one of the larger buildings, a place where the officers and instructors rest at. However, sandwiched between that and a smaller building, are two tall men leaning in the alley. Normally she wouldn't pay it mind, but judging by their height, she knows exactly who these two men are.
"Annie." The deep voice of Reiner calls out. He stands straight and steps out of the shadows cast by the waning sun. He wears a serious face, like usual, but what piques Annie's interest is Bertholdt, who continues to lean on the house. His gaze is intensely focused on the wall opposite to him, but she knows that worried face anywhere.
"Got a few minutes? We need to talk," Reiner says. She doesn't have the time to answer before he turns around and walks further into the alley, Bertholdt following. Annie is apprehensive. If you ask her, Reiner's gotten a bit too into playing soldier, and she doesn't want to waste her time on something pointless. Unfortunately for her, she's got a bad feeling, and elects to follow them.
Eren idly taps his fingers on the rim of his cup, eyes fighting off sleep. The sounds of numerous conversations going on simultaneously within the mess hall is certainly powerful, but not even it can manage to fully shake his tired nerves. Though Mikasa had been dominating his thoughts for most of the day, it turns out excessively worrying about someone you care about, no matter how much it's warranted, is exhausting. He wonders how Mikasa does it all the time...
"Hey, Eren," Krista jolts him out of his drowsy thoughts. Eren lifts his head and tries at a mildly interested expression. "Did you cut your hair?"
"Krista, you don't have to worry about small talk with me, I'm pretty tired as it is. And no, I haven't for a while."
Krista shakes her head with a smile. "What are you so exhausted for?"
"Couldn't sleep much last night."
"How come?"
Eren finds himself unable to come up with an immediate answer. Yeah, he knows it was because he was worried about Mikasa, "but what kind of answer is that? Who spends a whole night thinking about someone like that?" he thinks.
"It was cold..." he mutters, avoiding eye contact with the blonde.
"As long as you're doing okay. You could have gotten sick, after all."
Eren finds himself cracking a light smile, causing Krista to give him a questioning glance.
"You're so nice, sometimes it's scary. I wasn't the one lost in the woods during a blizzard. If anyone's gonna be sick, it's probably you."
Her eyes widen as her face becomes a tad flustered. "I wasn't lost! Daz got injured, he could have died!"
He lazily lifts his hands in the air in surrender. "I'm just saying, you don't need to be worried about me." He makes a mental note not to bring up Krista's overbearing kindness, as it appears to be somewhat of a sore spot. He gets the impression that she's faking it in some way, but he can't really place why he knows such a thing.
He feels a faint tapping on his back, deciding to ignore it thinking it was some bug or the wind, but the taps only get more intense until he's practically being poked. Turning around, he sees the timid figure of Sasha looming over him. Her face is expectant but modest, eyes glued to the bread on Eren's table. He quickly makes the connection, sighing.
"...You haven't eaten your bread... Eren."
This has always been her strategy. She acts shy and tentative, politely asking for food, but she'll turn on a coin if you decline on grounds she deems inadequate.
"Looks like the guy's got someone on his mind..." Jean walks up with a mug in his hand. For a second Eren assumes he has some sort of alcoholic drink, given the way he's acting, but he remembers that not only are those drinks hard to come by as soldiers, but that Jean always wears that dumb face.
"What are you even talking about this time, idiot?" he responds with a sigh, too tired to play his game of insults. Sasha bumps Jean with her elbow.
"You're one to talk, you've been staring at her for the past hour." Jean gives her an agitated look, but her face snaps back to Eren's. "So... about the food..."
"Be my guest."
Her face lights up brighter than the full moon outside as she yanks the bread away from the plate in front of him. Krista frowns at the gesture. "Don't you need the energy, Eren?"
Eren turns to respond to Krista, but his mind finally catches up to what Jean and Sasha were talking about. He feels some energy return to him as he shoots Jean a deep scowl. "I know you weren't referring to Mikasa just now, Jean."
Jean crosses his arms. "And what if I was? What's with you hovering your suicidal ass around her all day, eh?"
Eren stands up suddenly from his seat, which scoots loudly from the force of his legs. "Why don't you stick your nose in some pig shit instead of where it doesn't belong?"
"Oi oi, calm down there. Did I strike a nerve or something?" Jean teases with a smug smile.
This isn't anything out of the ordinary, but his fatigue mixed with this horse-face's attempts to tease are getting the better of him. He walks up to his face, forcing his head to incline slightly upwards at Jean's superior height, a fact that he does not care for.
"That's surprising, I didn't think you gave a crap about her," Jean mocks.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Eren bites back.
"You don't realize it? Personally, I'd say you're being pretty shitty," Jean continues. Eren wants to punch him in his stupid face, but he finds himself intrigued at the strange claim. "I mean, you're leading her on by a string. We all know you won't last long in the Survey Corps, but you don't seem to understand that you're making her suffer the same fate."
"What are you trying to say, Jean?!" Eren interrupts. He knows he's about to get an answer, but a part of him is desperately trying to shake off any validity to Jean's points by shouting.
"You could live in the nice, comfy interior if you wanted, but you insist on killing yourself out there, beyond the walls. Who's to say Mikasa doesn't die trying to protect you? If I didn't know any better, I'd say she doesn't deserve a maniac like you!"
The air is silent, the voices of the mess hall quieted down thanks to commotion of their argument. He wants to attack Jean, in any way he can, so badly. His knuckles bleed white, but he's motionless. His arms remain lowered as he stares Jean down, though his mind is running at mach speed. His words, echoing through his mind, forming into an epiphany that allows everything to click.
"She does. She could die... she would die... to keep me safe."
Remembering her panic attack, it seems as if it's no wonder. Of course she would follow him into the Survey Corps, and she might get herself killed. He's not an idiot, despite Jean's claims, he knows how dangerous it is, and he knows what it means if Mikasa joins.
"Is this really how it is? Is it my fault? What would I do... if I was the reason she died." His mind flashes to the image of Mikasa dangling in the mouth of a titan. Yesterday, she could have died in the snow... he was the one who let her go after all, and it would have been his fault. But she survived, because she's strong, but...
"Eren! Take Mikasa and run!" his mom's words stab into his mind. He takes a step back, eyes now unfocused on anything in particular, much to Jean's confusion.
"Stay... please... I need you..." was what she said to him last night.
"Jean's right... she... what would I do?" his thoughts race.
"You keep moving forward, Eren."
"But she... I... I don't want to lose her," he pleads with himself. As the words come into his mind, it's as if he's admitting it to himself for the first time. He doesn't want to lose her... he can't lose her.
"Exactly. That is why. That's always been why." Images of Mikasa, Armin, his friends, the sky, the wings of freedom, they all go through his mind, instilling him with a great inner strength.
"Freedom."
He feels his hands become tingly as a profound sense of Deja vu hits him. Without thinking, he responds.
"Until five years ago, this used to be the interior, too," he says with a measured scowl.
Jean lifts an eyebrow. "What's your point?"
"If we don't fight, we can't win! Sitting behind those walls like cattle is only delaying the inevitable! If we're gonna lose it all, it may as well be on the attack!" A faint thought strikes through his mind, the question, how is it inevitable? He doesn't know... but for some reason he has a sense that it will happen soon, the walls will be breached again and they'll have to face their fate. "And this training! Honing your titan killing skills to get away from the titans, doesn't that seem like a messed up system to you?"
"You only say that now? I want that stupid system to stay in place, for my sake!"
"You coward!"
"Shut up! This is reality!"
"Reality, my ass!" He grabs his collar and prepares his other arm to take a swing at Jean, but unfortunately a soft hand grabs his before he has the chance.
"Stop this," Mikasa intervenes, taking a firm hold of Eren's hand and releasing it from Jean's collar. She lets her charcoal blues do all the talking, calm as a lake as they push against Eren's emerald inferno. Seeing her face and the absence of Jean's, if only for a short moment, puts him at a bit more ease. He reluctantly acquiesces their staring contest, looking back down and abandoning the strength he had dedicated towards facing Jean.
Unfortunately, Jean doesn't seem to be done, as he instantly grabs Eren's collar roughly. "Don't screw with me, bastard!"
Eren snaps his attention back to him. "Let go! You're gonna rip it!"
"I don't give a damn about your clothes! I'm jealous!" he admits.
Ready to make a comment about Jean finally admitting his gross attraction to his best friend, he grabs his arm. But... time seems to slow down as a flurry of... thoughts? come into his mind.
A blond man. Vast, green fields. Giant trees... everywhere. Blood, so much blood,
and a female titan.
Acting on muscle memory, Eren moves his right hand to Jean's neck, keeping his left where Jean is grabbing his collar. He lifts his right foot, bringing it down on the opening between Jean's legs, and before either of them can fully realize what's going on, he trips him over and forces his upper body down with it, causing Jean to land square on his back with a pronounced thud. He makes a grunt of pain as Eren turns around, looming over him. Several gasps are heard throughout the mess hall, including Mikasa's, which makes him look at her.
Much of the color on her face is entirely drained away as she looks at him with wide eyes. Eren wants to feel a surge of pride that he's somehow managed to impress Mikasa with a fighting skill that he has absolutely no memory of learning, but... she looks more scared than anything else.
"What?" he asks calmly. Before he can get a response, Jean is sitting back up.
"What the hell was that?" he exclaims angrily.
Eren stares at him blankly, not having an explanation at hand himself. Come to think of it... what was that?
"Uh.."
"Eren," Mikasa says. He turns to see her looking around the room sporadically, as if searching for someone. After a quick check, her expression softens just a bit, but a frown is still there. She takes his hand and proceeds to walk out, Eren too tired and too curious as to why she's doing it to take up any resistance.
"Hey!" Eren hears the voice of Jean pipe up from a distance, but Mikasa's walking far too quickly.
Once they're outside, where the pitch dark of night, alleviated by the full moon, has replaced the orange glow of the late sun, he looks down at his hand. As Eren notices her brisk pace, he stops abruptly and yanks his hand from her. She maintains her grip, but it's enough to turn her around.
"Mikasa, where are we going?" he says, a bit of frustration finding its way into his voice. "Don't tell me she's still worried about me. Didn't she just see how I kicked his ass?"
"How did you know to do that?"
"I- uh... what?" Whatever he was expecting her to say, it wasn't a question like that. "How did I know to do what?"
"I've never used that on you before." She says, her probing eyes confusing him to no end.
"Yeah, so what? You know I practice with other people too."
"Eren..." her voice shifts to one of concern and slight exasperation, as if he knows what she's trying to ask. But, in all honesty, he has no idea what she's getting at.
"What? I don't remember where I learned that, okay?"
"Are you sure?"
"Huh?" His eyes narrow at the odd question. "What's that supposed to mean? Why do you care how I learned some fighting move. It's not like it's gonna be helpful against the titans, so just drop it."
"So it was just... muscle memory?"
"I don't know, I guess." A moment of silence passes between them, as Mikasa's weird questions mull in his mind. "Are you okay, Mikasa?"
She looks into his eyes for a brief second, before turning her eyes away from him. "I'm fine. Just tired," she deflects. Eren bites back his frustration at her dodging of the question, instead squeezing the hand that's still intertwined with his. "How have you been doing...?" he asks.
Mikasa looks down, clearly discomforted by the topic being brought up. As awkward as it might be for her now, Eren is glad that it happened, he's glad for the change in perspective. He doesn't care for how Mikasa treats him some of the time, but now he understands it better than ever.
And he realizes... he desperately doesn't want her to go. The thought of her wanting to stay with him, though he used to think of it as annoying, now makes him feel so happy. He'll never have to worry about her leaving, he knows that, but because of it, he has to worry about her dying. He made the choice to join the military, Mikasa just followed, and he will likely be the one to make the choice for both of them to go to the Scouts. Which will make her death on him.
But why? Why is it this way? He knows she doesn't feel like she owes him anything since he saved her that day, because of how she acted last night. She's not doing it out of any sense of obligation or honor, she's just doing it because she wants to be in whatever regiment he's in. But why?
For some reason, Krista's words find their way to the forefront of his mind.
"You should ask her about it, I know she'd have a better answer than that."
Would she? Does she? He supposes there's no better time than now, while they're alone, to ask.
"I'm okay. Sorry, it looks like it kept you up," she responds to his previous question, noticing the dark circles under his eyes.
"It's okay, Mikasa. I..." he pauses, contemplating the best way to ask his question. "I don't know... why you stay with me like you do."
Mikasa lifts her eyebrows at the sudden change of topic, prompting him to continue.
"You don't have to join the Survey Corps." He lets his eyes wander away from her face, down to the grassy ground they stand upon.
"Eren. I'll go wherever you go."
He sighs, all the built up emotions finally coming to a head. He realizes this was a question he always wanted to ask, since they were little kids and she stuck by his side. Since the first time he returned home with bruises from the local bullies, and she was worried sick the entire day.
"Why?" his voice isn't much louder than a whisper. She looks him in the eyes again, dark grey eyes full of genuine emotion. It was nowhere near as pitiful or sad as how she looked yesterday night, but his heart still explodes with a feeling he couldn't pinpoint in a hundred years.
"You know why..."
His shoulders slump at the lackluster answer. He knows she doesn't want him to leave, he knows that, he just wants to know why.
"Agh- dammit," he lets out. For some reason, the perfect words pop into his mind, and a wave of deep dread and loneliness washes over him at the thought, though he asks anyways.
"Mikasa, what... am I to you?"
The raven haired girl in front of him takes a step back. Her face isn't much changed, but Eren can see within her eyes that the question greatly disturbed her for some reason. Though he doesn't know, a part of him understands. He... could have sworn he's asked this before.
"Eren...?"
"What?"
"I... uh, um. Eren," she trips on her words, taking his other hand within her remaining free one, so that both of their hands are intertwined with the each other's. Thanks to the full moon, Eren can detect a deep blush forming on her face, and though he's confused at whatever that's supposed to mean, he feels his heart rate quicken as he sees Mikasa preparing to speak again.
"I... care about you. A lot. You saved me that day... you gave me a home again, and..." Her eyes begin to gloss over, as if desperate to get the message across. "You gave me warmth again. Please." She continues. Eren only stands there, absorbing the information with wide eyes.
"Please, Eren, don't..." She stops, shutting her eyes tightly. Eren gives her hands another squeeze.
"Don't what?" he asks.
"...Please believe me. I'm not a sl-" She cuts herself off, holding her eyes shut again and looking down. Eren feels an overpowering sense of concern, but bites his tongue, opting to rub his thumbs over the top of her hands. There's something... something she's refusing to tell him. He wonders if it's the same thing Armin talked about, but ultimately, this is Mikasa, and she's struggling to form a coherent sentence in front of him. She's struggling not to break down, and he finds he couldn't care less about whatever she's hiding. He wraps her in a warm hug, which she instantly reciprocates.
The tears never come, but a weak sigh escapes her throat. "You'll always be my home, Eren."
Eren feels his heart stop at the words. Home... he still has her. He still has Armin, too. His childhood isn't gone, his home isn't gone. He'll do anything to set them free, free from a world of walls, of titans, of cruelty.
And he realizes that trying to convince her to leave him alone is like trying to convince himself to give up on that sight, of a world where his friends are free, and happy, and safe.
It is their fate.
There you have it! I hope this satisfied you all after waiting a week, and I hope you enjoyed the Training Arc! As usual, please leave a review telling me what you thought, and have a great day! -Y