CHAPTER 8: The one where things get weird
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
The Kurosaki Family, less one Karin are walking uphill as Ichigo contemplates the number of graveyards that had sprouted up in the past few years. The one they were currently en route to was actually the fourth, and was named 'Number Two' because the Town Hall left the name up to a public poll. You'd think they would have learned after the last public poll where the winning option by a landslide was to spend almost the entire maintenance budget on an auction for a toaster that allegedly burned the Virgin Mary's face into a piece of bread. Ordinarily, the alarming number of graveyards, which would only be necessitated by an equally alarming number of bodies, would serve to deter people from coming here, but they actually ended up being a tourist attraction. They even have pictures of the graveyards on tourist postcards with 'Wish you were here.' printed across them. Of course, more visitors inevitably resulted in more death and by consequence more graveyards. The Karakura Town Tourism Board was perfectly fine with this though, because it's composed of the same heartless psychopaths that make the Pokemon games, and the local government is just happy to have more money to repair Chad-related road damage since getting the aforementioned toaster took most of it. It's fortunate that the contractors who repair Chad-related damage were willing to negotiate a lower rate this quarter in exchange for guaranteed contracts for the next seven, otherwise the city would have been in quite a bind.
...Where were we? Oh right, the graveyard.
"Where's Karin?" Yuzu asks from where she's riding atop Ichigo's shoulders because the hill is too steep for her.
"She said she's looking for something," Isshin responds, "And she would meet us there."
As they near the graves Yuzu notices someone, who Ichigo identifies as Rukia.
"Who's that?" Yuzu asks, upon noticing her waving at the group, "Do you know her?"
"Unfortunately," Ichigo responds, putting Yuzu down, "Let me take care of this. Go on without me."
Ichigo walks up to Rukia and they move to a nearby treeline.
"Why are you following me?" Ichigo whispers harshly, "Shouldn't you be out looking for Hollows or something?"
"That's why I'm here. If any Hollows show up, how do you plan to deal with them without this?" Rukia asks, withdrawing her Gokkon Tekko from a bag she carried.
"I still have those drugs you gave me," Ichigo responds, removing the PEZ dispenser from his pocket.
"Okay, that's not really why I'm here. You told me your mother died in-"
"No, I didn't," Ichigo interrupts, "I literally never told you anything about my mother. How did you know that?"
"...Lucky guess?" Rukia says as she backs into a tree and knocks a paper out of her bag.
"Hey!" Ichigo says, upon glimpsing it, "That's my application to be a Pokemon protagonist! Where did you get that?!"
"I found out how to use the Internet." Rukia says, withdrawing her Denreishinki.
"Why would they just leave it-Wait. You know how to use the Internet?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Uh, look, there are some rabbit holes it's better not to go down, okay? And the Internet is a minefield-"
"I don't need a lecture on safety from you."
"Okay, well. I'm just gonna go before you change the subject back."
"Huh? Wait, Ichigo! You still haven't told me-" Rukia starts after him, but he's already gone.
"Rabbit holes, huh?" someone in a Shinigami outfit says from up in a tree, withdrawing his own Denreishinki.
Arisawa Household
Orihime sits at a table, munching on some potato chips.
This was the scene where Orihime asks Tatsuki about Ichigo's childhood but Tatsuki is still trying to find her way out of Ichigo's closet, so I guess that's not happening.
Forest Outside Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
Rukia sits alone, holding the application she had downloaded and trying to puzzle out how Ichigo's mother had died. As she thinks, she hears tapping coming from somewhere above her.
Getting up and following the sound to its source, she finds a Shinigami who doesn't seem to be aware of her presence. He appears to be quite distracted with something on his Denreishinki.
"Come on. Connect, you stupid thing!" he says, beating it against the tree he sits in. When that produces no results after a few seconds, he dials something into it.
"Yes," he says, effecting a professional tone for the call he's making, "Can you connect me to the Shinigami Research and Development Institute?"
...
"Yes, I need to connect to something in the Human World called 'the Internet'."
...
"What? Yes, it's important for my mission."
...
"Alright, I'll hold."
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two: Entrance
Since sitting alone seems to be the order of the day, Ichigo is doing it as well. As he sits alone on some steps he recalls the day his mother died.
Flashback
A young Ichigo walks away from a dojo holding his mother's hand. As they near a puddle of water from a recent shower a truck drives by, splashing water on his face.
"Stupid hobo," Ichigo says as Masaki is drying him, "Is he ever going to leave us alone?"
Masaki gives him a hug to cheer him up and they continue down the road.
On the way back to their home the two walk along a riverbank, and Ichigo spots a figure by the edge of the river.
"Oh, no," she says as she teeters at the edge of the river, "I'm in danger of falling."
"Eh," Ichigo says, continuing to walk, "The river's like three feet deep. If it were a danger the city would put a guard rail around it."
"Listen here, you little brat-Uh, I mean..." the figure pauses, "Oh, no! The one and only copy of Half-Life 3 in existence is falling with me!"
"What's a Half-Li-" Ichigo starts, until someone pushes him over.
"Out of the way, you little b*tch!"
"Ouch! What was that for-"
Flashback Pause
"Wait, that's not quite how I remember it," Ichigo says.
Urahara Shop
Sitting down for a middle-of-the-day tea break, Urahara is pouring some water into a cup when he hears a coo.
Looking out a window, he sees a pigeon on the windowsill, quietly hopping along. Something about this bird gives him an intense, uneasy feeling that grows steadily stronger the longer he stares. Tearing his eyes away, he finishes preparing his tea and when he looks up again, the bird is gone.
"I wonder what that's about," he says to no one in particular, a vague feeling of disturbance still at the back of his mind.
Flashback Resume
"Ouch! What was that for, Mom?" Ichigo asks.
"You're adopted!" she responds as she heads toward the riverbank, arms outstretched.
"That doesn't make any sense!" Ichigo shoots back, "There are like three people in this town with this hair color and you and I are two of them."
"Wel-"
"And the last one is younger than I am."
Ignoring Ichigo's words, Masaki continues running toward the riverbank where the girl is still teetering. Upon nearing her, Masaki reaches out and pushes her in, grabbing the game and standing triumphant.
"Yes!" Masaki yells, holding it up, "I got it! It's mi-"
Her celebration is interrupted by a Hollow leaping out from the shadows to bite down on her.
"Ahh!" she screams as she attempts to pull free, "That hurts almost as much as my third semester at University!"
Flashb-
Wait, no! You can't do that! Abort! Abort flashback!
End Flashback
That was close. You can't have a flashback inside a flashback. It would be catastrophic. The Non-Euclidean geometric form sitting at the center of the void disguised as Canada will collapse in on itself if it's abstracted twice in the same physical space, removing our protection from the sinister radiation being emitted by the Bermuda Triangle.
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two: Gravesites
Walking through a pair of gates, Isshin and Yuzu arrive at the gravesite to find Karin is already there. She's standing by Masaki's tombstone but looking into the distance with a face far too serious to be in this story. That can't be good.
"I know you're here," Karin mutters to herself as Isshin and Yuzu talk to one another, "You think I can't smell her blood on you, even after all this time?"
Forest Outside Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
"...keep me on hold for this long! Do you have any idea who I am. I'm from the Onmitsukido! I know every single secret you have..."
"Oh, no," Rukia thinks, wide-eyed, as she realizes they're here for her.
"Finally," the Shinigami says, after his call is redirected.
Rukia slowly backs away from him and tries to keep from screaming as she spontaneously falls off a cliff.
"What was that?" the Shingami says, looking around for several seconds before going back to his Denreishinki, "Must have been the wind."
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two: Entrance
Ichigo continues sitting on the steps, trying to restart his flashback and wondering why it always cuts out there when he's brought back to awareness by Rukia landing near him.
She gets up and begins frantically explaining the situation to him.
"...must have overheard our conversation. He was trying to connect to the Internet when I left-"
"Hold on, slow down," Ichigo interjects, "The on-mosquito-what?"
"'Onmitsukido'. They're a sort of Internal Affairs for Shinigami."
"And why is he-Did you say he's trying to connect to the Internet?" Ichigo asks.
"Yeah. We need-"
"We have to stop him, now!"
"That's what you're worried about?! He could be here to take me back!"
"Rukia, you don't understand. There are things on the Internet that no one's mind was meant to handle. We have to stop him before he goes too deep."
Forest Outside Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
Once connected, the Shinigami, Eikichirō Saidō sets about plumbing the depths of the Internet.
"Oh, look," he says as he follows another link, "It spells something out. Let's see. The ga- D*mn it. I lost again!"
He sits there typing and clicking, oblivious to the supernatural glow the screen has begun to emit. If only he knew what darkness lay below he might have turned back, but as his eyes glaze over, it becomes apparent to any onlookers that it was too late for Eikichirō Saidō. The Internet claims another victim.
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two: Gravesites
As she sits by her mother's grave, Yuzu watches her sister. Karin stares into space with hard eyes around a particular point. One that she's making a concerted effort to avoid looking directly at. As the tension mounts to its peak, Karin remains stiffly unmoving but cuts her eyes over to her sister.
"Yuzu, where's Dad?" she asks quietly.
"He went to talk to a priest, why?"
"Go find him," Karin says, pulling Yuzu up.
"What's wro-"
"Now!" Karin shouts, shoving her sister to one side and throwing herself to the other. The miss is so narrow that she can feel the rush of air as jaws close on the spot she occupied less than a second ago. Yuzu rises and runs off as Karin narrows her eyes at the space in front of her, a quadrupedal Hollow now materialized.
"It's a shame the other one got away," the Hollow says, voice thick with the confidence of a creature that's yet to realize it's not the predator here, "But one will do fine."
Forest Outside Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
"Mr. Onmyoji-whatever!" Ichigo calls as he approaches the spot where Rukia previously sat, "Put the phone down! It's not safe."
Arriving at the spot Rukia mentioned, Ichigo looks around for signs of life until he hears some sobbing. He follows it to its source and finds a figure in a Shinigami outfit, shoulders shaking as he sits hunched over a screen.
"What..." the Shinigami whispers.
"Hey, are you alright?" Ichigo asks, slowly reaching for the Denreishinki. As his hand closes around it, the Shinigami's head snaps toward him, tears trailing down his face.
"What is love?" he sobs.
Ichigo's Closet
"Hello?" Tatsuki calls out as she wanders over the barren desert. She's having a bit of trouble getting out, but has plenty of bread so the air of perpetual despair isn't really doing anything to slow her down. She walks across the sparsely lit sand until she trips over something. Tatsuki tucks into a roll, making sure to keep her bread from touching the sand, and rises. Looking back, she sees what she tripped over.
"Oh, my God," she says, rushing to it and checking for signs of life, "Someone murdered Rukia!"
Forest Outside Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
"Ichigo!" Rukia says, reaching the place she left, Denreishinki held aloft, "We don't have time for this. There's a Hol-"
"Can't talk!" Ichigo responds, sprinting past her.
"Baby don't hurt me!" the Shinigami wails despondently, chasing after Ichigo and wildly swinging his Zanpakuto, "Don't hurt me! No more!"
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
Grand Fisher kicks up dust as it runs for its life, narrowly dodging hundreds of bony hands bursting from the ground to claw at its feet. An acrid mist had settled over the graveyard burning its eyes and obstructing its vision, causing it to run into a tombstone. As it attempts to rise, the skeletal hands shoot up beneath it, digging in as they grab handfuls of thick fur. The individual hands are weak and Grand Fisher's fur itself prevents them from doing any damage, but the combined effort of all of them hold the Hollow down as dozens of corpses shamble toward it.
"Did you really think it would be safe to come back here, of all places?" a voice echoes across the graveyard.
The Hollow begins panicking as the zombies are almost upon it, producing several tentacles from its mask and whipping them furiously while lashing out at the skeletal hands with its fur. The corpses are scattered and Grand Fisher pulls itself free, continuing to retreat until a large bony spear shoots up from the ground to spike it through the middle, knocking it over. As it rises again, it looks to the horizon and sees the outline of what has to be a thousand humanoid forms marching in synchronicity that suggested control.
"This was the worst possible place you could have chosen to hide from me," the voice calls from behind, "You have no idea how many bodies there are in this town. I can do this for days, and I will if I have to."
It whips backward with an elastic arm and hits nothing, then turns to the left and continues running. Making a sharp right, the Hollow is immediately dive-bombed by something. It shrugs off the impact, but feels something moving in its fur. That isn't the immediate threat though, as another Hollow sits in the air above Grand Fisher.
"Who the h*ll are you?" Grand Fisher asks
"K...kill...me," it rasps as its jaw hangs loosely on its heavily cracked mask. The hole that all Hollows had is occupied by a red fruit which pulses and the Hollow trembles as it tongue lolls out then begins vibrating.
Grand Fisher is preparing for a frontal attack as the world explodes. The attack is blinding, but not very damaging. When the smoke clears, it's dive-bombed again, and it steps to the side and shoots out two tentacles to wrap around the Hollow, lifting it up and slamming it into the ground face first. The Hollow's mask shatters, but begins smoking as it pulls itself back together.
"What the f-" Grand Fisher is interrupted as it feels something digging into the still extended tentacles. The hands had stopped when the other Hollow attacked, so it had completely forgotten about them until they had a firm grip on the much softer flesh of the tentacles.
"Please," the other Hollow croaks as it pulls itself up.
Grand Fisher pulls back as hard as it can when the hands start clawing at the tentacles. With a final jerk, it rips the tentacles from its mask and stumbles away from the other Hollow's tackle, right as it's spiked from below by another spear. This one is accompanied by three on each side, shooting up diagonally to impale the Hollow. It lashes out with its fur but can't break these thicker bones. As it looks around for an escape, it realizes with a start that it's surrounded on all sides by undead.
Forest Outside Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
"Okay, Rukia, are you ready?"
"Yeah. Are you sure this is going to work? I probably only have the power for one Kidō."
"It should be fine. Just remember to cast it fast, he's not going to sit still for long."
Somewhere in the forest, a resounding crashing occurs.
"Get ready," Ichigo says, "He's here."
"These seven weird tricks will change your life!" Saidō shouts, exiting the forest, still swinging, "Doctors hate number twelve."
Ichigo braces himself as he moves in front of the Shinigami to draw his attention.
"69!" he shouts as the Shinigami draws close
Saidō stops in his tracks, weapon still raised to strike.
"Nice," he says automatically.
"Sai!" Rukia shouts and bands of gold surround the Shinigami, constricting him before he can move again.
With Saidō successfully bound, Ichigo dashes in to separate him from his Zanpakuto while Rukia grabs the Denreishinki.
"Never gonna give you up!" he howls tearfully while resisting their attempts, but he ultimately loses his grip.
"Okay, good work," Ichigo says, turning to Rukia who is staring at the Denreishinki.
"What's TVTro-"
"No!" Ichigo says hastily, slapping it out of Rukia's hand.
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two
"Stop! Please, have mercy!" Grand Fisher begs as a whirlwind of teeth and claws rip at it, the fur which previously protected it now mostly burned off by explosions from the other Hollow.
Much to its surprise, this appears to work as the attacks cease and a burst of wind sweeps across the graveyard.
"Mercy?" the voice chuckles this time from on the Hollow, "Like you showed my mother mercy?"
"What?" the Hollow asks, looking to the source to see a girl standing on it.
"Do you even know her name?" she asks, sitting down by the Hollow and producing a silver-bladed knife with a spiral-carved black wooden handle.
"Who?"
"Say her name."
"I don't-"
"Say it!" the human yells, punctuating the command with a stab.
"Gah! I don't know who you're talking about!" the Hollow roars, "If you want revenge, you'll just have to send me-"
"You're not going anywhere," she says, stabbing the mask to pull it in, "If you really want judgement so badly though, I'm happy to oblige."
"What?"
"Gods and Demons don't care what you did," she says, "You're just another soul in the line of millions to be punished. But I know, and I'll make sure your sins are carved into every particle of your body."
She rises and gestures to the flying Hollow.
"Shrieker, get this thing out of here."
"I...can't-" the now named Shrieker croaks.
"Did I say 'Shrieker, make excuses for why you're not doing that thing I told you to'?"
"F...fu-" Shrieker is interrupted by the human stabbing its mask and dragging it down.
"Fine, I'll do it myself," she says, kicking the flying Hollow off the blade and walking away, "Can't find good help anywhere."
Once far enough away, she casually tosses the knife over her shoulder. It lands on the ground in front of Grand Fisher and sinks in as the dirt begins liquefying.
"I am Karin Kurosaki," she tells Grand Fisher as it begins sinking despite its struggles, "But don't worry too hard about remembering that one. By the time I'm done with you, it'll be the only thing you know how to say."
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two: Gravesites
Finally finding the time to visit his mother's grave, Ichigo pays his respects while Isshin talks to him and Rukia stands behind.
"Don't worry too much, son," Isshin says as he begins walking away, "As long as you're happy and healthy, Masaki will be smiling wherever she is."
Ichigo stands there thinking until Isshin is gone.
"I am an idiot!" he says suddenly, facepalming.
"I agree," Rukia adds, between sips of a soda that she found somewhere, "You're also-"
"Rukia, you're a Shinigami, right?" he interrupts.
"I feel like we've had this conversation before."
"So nothing enters your purview unless it's already dead?"
Soul Society: Random General Store
"Dead. Dead, dead, dead. Why is it that every single one we get is dead?" Captain Sosuke Aizen asks as he browses the aisles looking for batteries with enough power to run the Walkman he found a while back.
As he's searches, a can of Sahara Sarah's Desert Dry Ginger-Aid falls off a shelf and hits him in the head because that's his gimmick in this story. He spends a few seconds looking around for the offending can, but it mysteriously disappears because the sponsorship contract just expired so that drink no longer exists anywhere in the universe.
Karakura Town Graveyard Number Two: Gravesites
"...except people who were evil in life, a handful of celebrities and-"
"Never mind that. Can you contact my mother? Maybe she has a MySpace or something?"
"What's a MySpace?"
"Oh, right. 2001. That's not dead yet."
CHAPTER 8 END