The Sacrifices one makes

Chapter 8

Regrets

So we have gotten to chapter 8, wow that's surprising. Thanks to everyone who has been patient with my horrible grammar, if you're wondering why I don't get a beta well I'm struggling with the story and the writing not to mention my hectic schedule so I really doubt anyone would be happy getting the newest chapter the same day I'm posting, so that's why I don't get a beta it's definitely not because I believe my grammar is amazing I wish it was. I am going to be honest right now this chapter was hard coming up with, if it's possible I would appreciate it if you guys to go a little easy on me this one chapter, I hope you guys like it but I'm being honest with myself when I say that some may not like it for those who don't like it and think its trash I'm not going to tell you not to read I would never do that just please go easy on me. Also for this chapter I had to listen to a LOT of emotional music like I had to cry to try and get the right emotions into this chapter so if in some part you're thinking 'why does this sound so sentimental' well now you know. As always thanks for reading I'm still working on chapter 9 and I'm not sure if I will be able to finish it on time, if I don't I'm sorry just be patient. Enjoy this latest chapter.

I don't own Chuck if I did Morgan would have been less childish seriously some of the episodes I just wanted to choke that character.

...

Sarah looked around her surroundings and panic began to settle in her.

"Not this again"

She stood in front of the fountain adjacent to Ellie's home, on the other side stood Chuck the same way she had seen him the last day she spoke to him before he had gone rouge. Chuck held a smile on his face and she couldn't help but melt a little inside, it was the smile that had been exclusively hers, his eyes would crinkle along with his nose and his eyes would twinkle. She could never figure out what that twinkle meant, sometimes it was affection and other times it was devious, none the less it was a smile that he only used on her.

Sarah watched as Chuck drew near her and her heart began to beat uncontrollably, her breathing began to get raspy as Chuck brought his hand up to her cheek and began to caress it, he got closer and began to kiss her neck causing her to shudder.

'It's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's a just a damn dream Sarah wake up!'

Even though she knew it was all a dream, she couldn't wake up, it didn't matter that her thought's demanded that she wake up, deep down she wanted to stay in this state of sleep.

'Wake up Sarah it's THAT dream!'

Her thoughts were warning her but at the moment she just wanted to enjoy the embrace of the only man she truly loved, the only man who had seen the real her, the only man that wanted all of her not just parts, the same man that she continuously pushed away trying to protect herself and in doing so would hurt him.

Tears began to run down her face as that thought came to mind, she had continuously pushed away this wonderful man thinking that in doing so she was protecting herself when in reality she was preventing herself from embracing joy and not only was she hurting herself she was putting Chuck through so much pain.

Sarah felt Chuck loosen his grip on her stepping back, she reached for his shirt to try to pull him back but her hands fazed through him, Chuck began to change no longer did he have the same caring smile that he wore for her instead she began to see his face scrunch up in disgust his shoulder began to bleed uncontrollably, the blood drained out from his body leaving him pale but he wouldn't fall, he stood there glaring at her.

"Sam, why did you do this to me? I-I thought you l-loved me"

Sarah rushed forward and tried to grab Chuck to stop the bleeding but once more her hands fazed through his body, she got as close to him as she could and dropped to her knees

"Please Chuck, don't die, I-I didn't do this, I-I'm trying to stop the bleeding, we got to go to the hospital, I'll call Ellie"

Sarah looked around her surroundings frantically trying to find Ellie all the while Chuck watched her saddened.

"Sarah, you're not going to find her, it's just me and you"

Sarah felt her sanity slip away as the corps of Chuck began to bleed uncontrollably, his blood was all drained from his body but somehow he still stood standing, she once more began to look around and when she did she saw someone else, behind her stood the current Chuck, the one they've been chasing, it seemed like the space around him was distorting giving him the appearance of something inhuman, as if the name of the harbinger of death was truly justified.

The other Chuck stood there, and without uttering a single word brought out a gun and aimed it at the wounded Chuck, Sarah began to panic unable to understand that everything was just a dream, her subconscious was practically screaming at her to wake up, she stood helpless as the wounded Chuck looked at her, he didn't ask for help, he didn't say anything in fact he looked happy, as if he was finally going to be put out of his misery.

Sarah jumped to her feet as she saw the bullet about to hit Chuck, she stood in front of him expecting to fall but instead the bullet fazed through her like everything else, she watched in horror as the man she loved fell to the floor with a bullet in his head

Sarah once more fell to her knees, she couldn't shout or cry she couldn't do anything, the tears wouldn't stop falling and her body wouldn't stop trembling, all of a sudden she found her voice and shouted.

"CHUCK!"

Sarah woke up shouting in a panic and turned frantically to check her surroundings, sweat poured down every pour in her body her hair stuck to her face and neck, her heart was erratic as if she had truly seen that horrific sight of Chuck dying. Seeing that it had been a dream she began to take deep calming breaths, it had not been the first time she had dreamt that dream that night or any other night, even though she knew it wasn't real she couldn't snap out of it.

Sarah got out of bed giving a quick glance at the alarm clock as she headed for the bathroom she needed a shower… again, noticing it was six she hastened her steps, she was meeting Ellie today and she needed to be on time.

Theses nights the dreams that haunted her didn't consist of people she had assassinated, they consisted of Chuck dying over and over again while she stood to the side helplessly and in a panicked state, she would wake up in a cold sweat and confused wondering if she was still inside of a dream. Sometimes the dream was stacked into mini dreams, she would wake up from one into another repeatedly until finally she was truly awake, her heart threatening to come out of her chest.

Sarah stood under the shower head as the blistering water poured on top of her turning her white skin red from how hot it was, she didn't care, she wanted to feel some sort of warmth in her cold body, ever since Chuck left she could feel her body become cold and lifeless, why wouldn't it when the person she loved had gone rouge and taken away the last bit of humanity that laid in her. She didn't even feel disgusted with the fact that she loved a traitor, after many years of denying her feelings for Chuck she finally was able to admit that she loved him with every bit of her being but it was too late.

Sarah stepped out of the shower not even bothering to dry herself off from the excess water and headed to her drawer, she passed a mirror that showed her entire figure and stopped to turn and face it, she had lost a lot of weight these past few months and it was beginning to show. Food had lost its appeal to her, whenever she did eat it was something light and bland or just coffee, she turned from the mirror and once more headed for the drawer to put on some cloths she checked the alarm clock that Chuck had given her for Christmas and grimaced.

'Dammit I'm going to be late'

She hurriedly put on some clothes and slipped on some tennis shoes, taking the keys from the bowl next to the door she jogged to her car that was parked out front of the complex she resided in.

Stepping inside her car she quickly turned it on and sped off to her breakfast date with Ellie. Ever since Chuck left, the older Bartowski had made a huge effort in keeping in contact as much as possible, when Ellie wasn't on the clock at the hospital she would always plan a date in which it would just be them two, they would talk about anything and everything from hobbies to things they had done throughout the time they weren't together. Whenever the subject involved Chuck she would notice the hint of sadness in her tone, the first time Ellie was asked about Chucks whereabouts it was to see if she knew anything about Chucks disappearance, apparently Chuck had convinced her to believe he was going to travel the world to find himself, to find his passion.

Ellie had been cleared and the investigation moved on, when all the leads had been checked and crossed off Sarah had felt a gut feeling that Hanna had known something because of the fact that when Chuck disappeared she had also gone off and moved far away but that could have been just a coincidence, none the less that feeling had stayed with her but she ignored it and continued to look for him.

Out of everyone, Sarah had been the one who took Chucks disappearance the hardest when it was revealed that Chuck had gone rouge on the account of a leaked video of Casey entering the Bartowski residence with a gun in hand. Sarah nearly attacked the older agent with a pen in her hand with the intent of stabbing it through the hand that had intended to kill the only man she loved, she was quickly held back by Shaw before she had the chance. To this day she hated the man for stopping her in the first place and she wondered why she didn't leave him that instant, Sarah felt her depression worsen at the memory of Shaw, not because they had broken up but because she had decided to stay with him this long when she knew her heart belonged to another man. She should have broken things off with him but when Chuck went rouge she had felt the need to convince herself even more that she did not love him, that it was impossible to love a traitor, that was the reason why she had slept with Shaw that one and only time, she wanted to prove to herself she could be with another man, but even as they embraced each other she couldn't stop thinking about Chuck, the next day when Shaw had left her apartment she took a shower and then another she stopped counting after the tenth time of entering the shower that day her skin was peeling from how hard she had been scrubbing, she felt filthy, to this day she could still smell Shaw's scent on her and it repulsed her to no end.

Sarah felt the breeze caress her cheeks as she drove to her date with Ellie, driving had always helped in the past, it always felt like she was running away from her problems but now even while driving she couldn't shake off the guilt and the depression that plagued her. She couldn't stop remembering Chuck's fond smile for her, the way he would trip over his words whenever he was in close proximity to her, or of how whenever they touched accidentally or intentionally she would feel an electric shock run through her body that both exhilarated and frightened her. Barstow was the tipping point of their relationship in which they should have ended up together but as fate would have it they were interrupted by Fulcrum and Casey, then they had to go to Ellie's wedding and just when Chuck was free to live his life he downloaded the Intersect 2.0 which resulted in him leaving her at the train station.

Sarah wiped away the tears that had begun to fall as she remembered that day, oh how she wanted to run away with Chuck but he wasn't the type of person to run away from anything. She should have known this, she should have known that Chuck was never the selfish type even if it meant being with her, she knew this because she had seen the surveillance video of Bryce and Chuck talking about what had happened to her and how it would happen again if Chuck didn't break things off with her, Chuck ending their "fake" relationship should have been an indicator that he would risk his own happiness for the safety of others but she had been too hurt to notice this. Her whole life consisted of betrayal first from her dad that continuously chose to live the con life instead of being a doting father, then by Langston Graham who continuously used her to further his goals, Bryce had a special place in her list of people she hated the most, and then there was the rouge agent Ryker, Sarah swore under her breath at the name, if she ever saw him again he would be receiving a bullet to the head first then a greeting.

Sarah calmed herself as she saw her knuckles turning white from how hard she was gripping the steering wheel, when Chuck refused to go with her, she had deemed it a betrayal of her trust in him and was so blinded by anger that their relationship had been strained during the remaining time he had stayed on the team, she had once more kept him at an arms distance even when he had explained his motives for leaving she couldn't bring herself to trust him because of the hurt she had felt when he left her.

A bitter laugh escaped her lips, how many time had she not betrayed his trust, how many times had she not hurt him, she always believe herself to be tough but she was beat in the category of emotional toughness. She didn't think anyone could surpass Chuck in that category, life had this habit of beating the lights out of him and yet he kept smiling even when life took the form of Sarah walker he would continuously smile at her, until finally she went and did something that finally broke him, she told another man of what she was feeling and ultimately told him her true name, she had no excuses, no reasons, nothing, all she had where her feelings she felt in that apartment with Shaw when she uttered her true name. She had felt like she was losing Chuck, like he wasn't the man she had met all those years ago, she had wanted to feel some sense of security, Shaw was there and Chuck wasn't which had given her enough reason to speak about her fears.

Sarah once more gripped her steering wheel, she hated herself, she truly did, what kind of excuse was that? Even if he had not listened in on her, she had no right telling another man what she was feeling when Chuck had fought tooth and nail to be her confidant, to be the one she opened herself to, how did she repay his efforts? By telling another man whom she had barely met all her deepest secrets. Chuck must have felt his heart shatter and she was the cause of it once more except this time there was nothing that could fix it, there wasn't a thing she could have said or done that could have made his pain lessen, he was dying that day and she had not known about it until he had finally told her, when he did there weren't any words she could have said to fix what she had done to him, what can you tell the man who almost died while she was across the street from him with another man.

And then she had brought said man to a family gathering, talk about pouring salt on the wound, to this day she couldn't figure out why she had done it, all she remembers is hearing Shaw ask what had happened in the inventory room all she absent mindedly said that his sister had invited them to dinner she had not heard his reply. Her head was consumed by thoughts of Chuck and his wounded shoulder to the point that she had not heard Shaw say he was happy to go to dinner. When she had gotten to Ellie's place Shaw was waiting for her just outside of the apartment complex, she wished she had kept her mouth shut but it had been too late and Shaw was already there. When they had entered she hoped Shaw would leave, there was tons of paperwork and Shaw was always the type to put work before anything else, he didn't leave despite her prayers for him to do so, he entered Ellie's apartment whispering in her ear that paperwork could always be done later, she wanted to stuff paper down his throat but that would have caused a scene.

She missed Chuck, she missed seeing his smile, she missed his touch and the way he smelled, a couple months ago she had sneaked into his apartment and stolen a shirt, she kept it hidden and only took it out when she felt like she was losing her grip on reality, apparently that's every day because she couldn't remember a single time she had not taken it out and worn it around her apartment just smelling it. Sarah could feel her heart ache with so much pain it was excruciating and she wouldn't have any other way, she deserved to feel this constant ache, she loved a man that would never love her back, a man that was lost to her, a man that she killed by always breaking his heart over and over again. She should have kissed him in that inventory room to hell with whoever had knocked she should have grabbed him and kissed him with every bit of emotion she could muster but she didn't, she should have done the same when they were outside Ellie's apartment but the shame she felt when Chuck told her what had happened to him the previous day while she was kissing another man was too much for her to make that move. She should have stayed when Shaw offered his hand to take her to her car but once more she didn't, she felt like she had no right to Chuck's family, not after everything she had done to him.

So many regrets, so many things she wished she could take back but she couldn't, her thoughts plagued her day and night over and over again, it was like a festering wound in her heart that she refused to let heal, Sarah Walker was many things but above all of them she was fair. An eye for an eye, she hurt Chuck for many years now it was her turn, she was going to accept this, if Chuck died one of these times they confronted each other her death would not be far behind, if she couldn't be with him in this life than she hoped she could in the next whether it be in heaven or hell, judging by the body count they both had in their records it was going to be the latter.

Sarah was twenty minutes away from the little restaurant Ellie had recommended, apparently they made amazing pancakes, she was in no mood to eat anything but Ellie is someone you don't brush off unless you want to be sent to the hospital, if people call her the Ice Queen they obviously had not met Eleanor Bartowski talk about snow storm with that woman, her gaze made the Himalayas seem like a spring picnic.

Sarah shook off the memory of the only time she said no to one of Ellie's invitation to a girls only brunch, she felt death grabbing her neck for a second before she nodded her head and Ellie's expressing quickly changes back to a bright smile like the nothing had happened while squealing with delight, ever since then Sarah knew one thing you don't say no to Ellie, EVER.

A couple of minutes later Sarah found herself listening as Ellie talked about the daily activities that occur in the hospital, not shying away from the more gory parts of people coming in with half their leg missing entering the ER, all the while eating animatedly. Sarah for her part simply played with her food every once in a while taking a nibble of the pancakes to make it seems like she was actually eating, noticing Ellie's gaze on her plate that seemed almost untouched she shrugged.

"Sorry Ellie I'm not that hungry, I ate a little before coming and I lost my appetite"

Sarah felt guilty for lying, but she really didn't want to be fretted over, Ellie was the type to mother her even though they weren't that far apart in age, you could chalk it up to her taking the role of a mother from a young age. Seeing that Ellie wasn't convinced she sighed and took a big bite of the pancakes hoping that the action was convincing enough for the older Bartowski to drop whatever she wanted to say, she doubt it but it didn't hurt to hope.

"Sarah, I've been meaning to tell you this but I haven't found the right way of saying this, you look terrible, you've lost so much weight and you seem to be out of it, is everything okay?"

Sarah stiffened, she should have put on something more filling to hide her appearance, Ellie is a doctor for crying out loud and to top it off she was incredibly perceptive, gulping down the mouthful she currently had she calmed her nerves as she prepared herself to answer, she really didn't need someone worrying over her.

"Yeah Ellie I'm fine, I just haven't been hungry lately, I do eat every once in a while but usually I stick to snacks and coffee"

Ellie didn't seemed pleased by her answer, it was the truth just not the full truth it's not like she could say 'I've been extremely depressed and food has lost its appeal' Ellie would have gone full doctor on her and examined every inch of her body from the inside out to make sure everything was running well and smoothly.

"It's because of Chuck isn't it?"

Sarah almost spit out the water she was drinking when Ellie asked, noticing her panicked expression Ellie quickly began to worry over her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to be so direct, it's just that ever since Chuck left you've seemed off and now it seems like you're not eating"

Damn these Bartowski's were perceptive, Sarah wiped away the little bit of water that had dripped out of her mouth and took a quick breath trying to steady herself, noticing how Ellie still held her worried expressing she put her hand on top of Ellie's.

"I… I really miss your brother Ellie, more than I thought I could ever miss anyone"

Sarah felt like a small burden had been lifted off her shoulders, it was the first time she had voiced these thoughts to anyone, a part of her was happy the other was angry because who was she to feel unburdened, nonetheless she shook off the bitter feeling and stared into Ellie's eyes once she did her eye sight became foggy and she felt the tears run down her cheek. In an instant Ellie went to her side and held her close as she began to cry heavily seven months of bottling her emotions came out like a torrent, Ellie simply rubbed her back and muttered soft reassurance into her ear letting her know it was okay to let everything out.

After she had calmed down both woman took their respected areas, Ellie stayed quite while she organized her thoughts once more, she couldn't let herself cry again, not in front of Ellie, Sarah didn't want her to worry any more than what she currently was, she refused to burden Ellie.

"Sarah, where ever my brother is I highly doubt he would want you to be doing this to yourself, you need to take care of your body, you need to eat and judging by the dark circles under your eyes you need to sleep"

Sarah felt a bit embarrassed, of course Ellie would have noticed the dark circles it didn't matter that she had spent a while in her car putting make up to hide them, letting out a breath she stared at her plate and stayed quite, once more wondering what to say.

"Ellie, it's my fault he left in the first place… I pushed him away and then I screwed up even more when I decided to started dating another guy, if I would have just been honest with him and done more we could have patched things between us but I was too much of a coward to face just how much he means to me"

She could feel the tears drip down her cheeks once more but she quickly wiped them away and took a deep breath trying to calm herself, she stared into Ellie's eyes and she could see there were tears in her eyes as well, Casey would have gagged from all the lady feelings that where showing up between them.

"Sarah, believe me when I say that Chuck didn't leave because of you, knowing him he probably still carries a photo of you everywhere he goes, he is completely smitten with you, you gotta believe that"

If only that where true, Ellie wasn't the one in a meeting listening to a report that basically let everyone know of Chuck's hatred for her, hatred that was rightfully given, for three years she had pushed and pulled him from one emotion to another, from complete bliss to complete heartache over and over again all the while hiding behind the excuse of the handler and asset situation and then she hid behind the excuse that he wasn't the same man she had fallen for when in reality he was. The little changes were unimportant when Chuck as a whole was the same, she was just too much of a damn coward and her cowardice was her downfall, there wasn't a day that passed that she didn't curse herself.

"Ellie I've hurt your brother so many times, I highly doubt he would want anything to do with me, I didn't deserve him then I don't deserve him now"

Before she could spiral more into her depression she felt Ellie's hand grasp hers tightly as she looked like she wanted to say something but decided not to.

"Sarah, for as long as I could remember, Chuck has never hated anyone, he didn't hated Bryce Larkin when he got kicked out of Stanford, he didn't hate the bitch Jill Roberts that left him broken, he's never hated my parents for abandoning us when we were kids, he has been hurt and betrayed so many times by people who he considered precious and even then he has never had an ounce of ill will for them"

Sarah watched as a myriad of emotions passed through Ellie's eyes until she closed them taking a deep breath to calm herself as she continued to speak.

"Sarah you gotta believe me when I say this, that brother of mine loves you so desperately it's insane, he's just too stupid to tell you"

Sarah wanted to believe her, she truly did but these past few months contradict everything Ellie was saying, sighing as she looked down at the hand that still held hers she felt so lost and desperate, She wanted to grab Chucks shirt and put it on while tucking herself into bed and not wake up all the while smelling the lingering scent of the only man who she desperately wanted.

"Ellie, I love your brother… I love him so much and my heart aches so much because I never told him, I never told him just how much he means to me and now that he's left and been gone for so long I highly doubt he will ever come back to me"

Ellie watched as Sarah began to cry once more, she wanted to tell her the truth or whatever truth Chuck had told her, to this day she still doubted Chuck left to be an annalist but she had nothing to base this theory on. Ellie watched as Sarah tried to get a hold of herself but failed, she knew Sarah was telling the truth, she was completely in love with her baby brother. Ellie felt her heart ache for this woman but she had given her word to not tell Sarah anything, Chuck had trusted her with this secret and even though she wanted to tell Sarah the truth she knew she would be breaking Chucks trust in her so she did the best she could by letting Sarah know she was truly loved by Chuck but it didn't seem like it was enough as Sarah seemed to shrink inside herself.

"Sarah, sweetie I don't know what I can say to convince you that Chuck would move the moon for you all he would need would be a fulcrum and next thing you know the moon would be taking a different orbit"

Sarah chuckled a little by how Ellie seemed so adamant on convincing her that Chuck loved her, it wasn't true but she would allow herself to imagine Chuck struggling to move the moon out of its orbit for her and succeed in doing so, she watched as Ellie seemed to soften her expression seeing her laugh.

"Sarah, you have made mistakes you are not perfect but Chuck isn't either he has made plenty of mistakes and when it comes to you he makes big ones under the idea that he is doing it for your benefit, just please don't give up on him"

Sarah could hear something in Ellie's words, as if she was trying to say something without actually saying it, or maybe Ellie was just spouting nonsense and she was looking for something that wasn't there, either way she couldn't hope for what Ellie was saying. Chuck was a wanted fugitive and it was her job to bring him in, she would do everything in her power to bring him back alive but she had to bring him in, Chuck has done a lot of bad things from assassination to smuggling and more, he couldn't be allowed to roam free any more, one thing was certain, the CIA had taken everything from her and now she had nothing to give once this was all over she was going to quit and go hunting for Ryker. After killing the son of a bitch she was going to disappear and never be heard from again, that was the plan anyway, for all she knew her last day could be the day the team came in contact with their ex-teammate once more, she would finally be able to answer for her crimes or if there is nothing after this life than simply be embraced by the darkness that consumes all.

Sarah once more messed around with her food lost in thought, she noticed Ellie had decided to let her have her moment of silence but their hands were still held together, for the past seven months she had been bottling up her emotions and in the span of a couple minutes Ellie had been able to open the lid with simply asking if she was okay. If the past version of herself could see her now there wouldn't be anything in common between them, Chuck had left her so broken and if asked whether she wanted to stay this way she would answer with a firm yes. It was harmful but the blood that had been spilled would never have happened if she had just given in, if she would have just given herself to a man that loved her unconditionally and that thought ate at her constantly.

"Ellie… thank you for listening, you're the first person I've spoken this to"

Ellie smiled and made a face like saying 'why wouldn't I' and Sarah couldn't help but laugh a little, she stuffed her face with the remaining pancakes and shuddered, cold pancakes aren't all that enticing but Ellie had invited her to eat so she had to do it looking up from her plate she noticed Ellie seemed to be pondering something.

"Sarah, if you're telling me all this I'm guessing you and Shaw aren't together"

There was no anger in her question, no judgment or bitterness there was only genuine curiosity, and Sarah had to suppress the guilt she felt at the mention of Shaw, she didn't hate the man, she just hated the fact that they were a thing in the first place, Shaw was never meant to be with her but her own stupidity led her to make that mistake.

"Shaw was a mistake Ellie, one that I wish I never made, it's nothing against him he is who he is, neither bad nor good just a mistake on my part one which I'm glad ended, it should have never happened and it never will whether I meet Chuck or not"

Sarah heard her phone ring and she went through her bag looking for it checking who it was she answered

"Hey Casey, what do you want I'm kinda busy"

Sarah had mentioned Ellie to let Casey know she wasn't alone, hearing a gruff grunt she could practically feel Casey shaking his head.

"Meet me at the base, we got a mission"

Sarah let out an exasperated sigh and closed her eyes, there was never a moment of rest for them.

"Alright, I'll be there"

Looking at Ellie she could see her mouthing her greetings to Casey.

"Ellie says hi and…"

She checked once more to see what else she was saying.

"She is saying you better not miss dinner today"

Sarah let out a chuckle as she could hear Casey mutter something about crazy mama bears and hanged up. Casey had become a stand in for Chuck in the Woodcomb residence she always wondered how, it probably started when Morgan started pestering the older agent once one member of the family has you then the rest clamp on and whether Casey wanted to be or not he was not eternally part of the family that consisted of Ellie, Devon, and Morgan. Hearing Ellie laugh brought her to her next thought, she was also part of it somehow, she didn't deserve it, but Ellie had been adamant and now she had no way of getting out.

"Ellie it seems Casey is in need of some assistance, Morgan is being a pain again and since Chuck and I were together he thinks I'm the only one who can control the man-child other than Chuck"

They both shared a laugh as they both stood up and hugged each other, Sarah enjoyed these moments in which they hugged, Ellie was the one that reminded her she was still worth loving whether she believed it or not, the hug lasted longer than normal but it was okay, It was as if Ellie knew she needed this because she really did. A moment later they separated and both went their separate ways, Ellie to her home and she to Castle, as she walked to her car her thoughts drifted to Chuck once more, she could feel the knots in her stomach worsen, every mission involved coming face to face with him and each time they met Chuck would always give them the slip, tightening her hand into a fist she began to repeat the mantra she had begun to tell herself.

"He won't get away this time"

Even as she told herself that she could hear the small voice in her head say what it usually said

'Yes he will'