She-blah
Episode 8
Princess Fall
"Uhh, hey, guys?" Adora called aloud, knocking on Glimmer's bedroom door in Bright Moon, a fancy scroll in her other hand. "I got an invitation to some stupid ball thing...just junk mail, right? I'm gonna throw it out-"
"PRINCESS PROMMMM!" Bow roared, his head bursting through the door. Adora screamed as he busted the rest of it down like the Koolaid-man.
"Princess prom! Princess prom!" Glimmer joined in, charging out after him. Adora watched in horror as they grew progressively more violent, knocking over furniture and smashing vases, screaming all the while. She cautiously began to back away, careful to use slow, unthreatening movements and avoid eye contact, when they suddenly lunged forward and seized her by the arms.
"Oh God what's the safe word-" She flailed for the fire alarm but missed and was dragged into the bedroom to be devoured like a limpy gazelle.
"The All-Princess Ball is a meeting of all the Princesses of Etheria," Bow explained excitedly, sitting her on the bed. "Doesn't that sound fun?"
"That sounds fucking awful," Adora stated.
"Oh, it is," Glimmer said. "There's more drama and crying at the ball than a Korean soap opera. But besides that, it's one giant party! There's tons of food, music, slutty dresses, and sluttier dancing!"
"Dancing?" Adora blinked. "What's that, again? Some kind of martial art?"
"No, sweetie, this is dancing," Bow said, then did the floss.
"I will straight up defect back to the Horde, I swear to God," Adora said flatly. "I'm not even joking."
"Anyway," Glimmer went on, gushing with excitement, "the ball only happens once a decade. I've been waiting years for this!" She squealed a little.
"But...I'm only a part-time Princess," Adora pointed out uncertainly. "I don't think I qualify for full-time benefits. I need to call-"
"Don't worry, every Princess is invited," Glimmer assured her. "Even Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, and they're in fucking comas. It's all in the rules and conditions!" She took the invitation scroll and unrolled it, the paper spooling around their feet in a long trail. Adora frowned and leaned closer, studying the tiny print.
"Okay, let's see...party rules..." she read aloud. "Approved curtsy techniques... proper stair-descending etiquette...legs must be shaved above the knee- pfft! Yeah, like that'll happen!" Adora snorted. "These rules are ridiculous!"
"Are they, Adora?" Bow said, one leg up on the table and holding a razor. "ARE they?"
"Princess Frosta is hosting this year in the Kingdom of Snows," Glimmer said. "Her magic is super cool- pun intended! She would be a great asset for the Rebellion. Also, unlimited ice-cream. So, we have to make extra sure we don't fuck up."
"But...that's the only thing I'm good at," Adora whispered.
"Don't worry," Glimmer said, patting her shoulder. "I'll be right there with you, and so will Bow, who is obviously going as my date."
"Um, actually..." Bow began.
"He'd never betray me-"
"Glimmer, I need to tell you..."
"I trust him with my life-"
"Okay you are making this really hard for me..."
"I even had matching outfits made and everything-"
"Bitch REALLY-"
"Ooh, and I hired a photographer to take pictures for our album-"
"I'M GOING WITH PERFUMA!" Bow burst out. Glimmer gaped at him in shock, blinking, her mouth hanging open.
"...Oh," she said in a small voice. "...Well. That's...fine."
"...It is?" he asked uncertainly. "Really? You're...not mad?"
"Of course not," Glimmer said. "Now, if you'll excuse me..." She lifted up a can of gasoline and a lighter. "I need to get rid of those matching outfits."
"Glimmer no-"
-Meanwhile-
Meanwhile, at the Horde Fortress in the Fright Zone, Catra was pacing about her room furiously, tail lashing.
"Alright, listen up," she said, her tone serious. "It has come to my attention that I can't do this alone. I can't rely on Shadow Weaver or Hordak for this. You're the only one I can trust. Now..." She paused heavily. "Are you going to help me, or what?"
"I can't believe I'm in your bedroom," Scorpia whispered, standing next to Catra's four-poster bed and looking around wide-eyed in awe. "Look, there's your scratching post! This is where you sleep. I'm just gonna sniff it real quick, that's totally not weird, right?" She leaned in close and gave it a big whiff, then sneezed explosively and was immediately covered in cat hair. "Oh God it's so itchy I think I'm getting hives-"
"Don't make me kick you out," Catra snarled.
"Right, sorry." Scorpia quickly lint-rolled herself clean. "It's cool, I'm cool, just hanging out with my best bud, doing normal best bud stuff. You want to, uh, talk about boys and paint each other's nails?"
"You don't even have nails."
"I mean the ones on our feet, silly!" Scorpia slammed her foot up onto the bed and wiggled her toes, pulling out some bottles of nail paint. "I'm thinking hot pink, how about you?"
"I'm thinking I need a new fucking friend," Catra said.
"No, don't, please! I'll do whatever you want!" Scorpia begged. "What were you talking about before that you needed help with? Capturing Adora?"
"Fuck no. Opening this can of tuna." Catra held up the small can, then frowned. "...And...that other thing too, I guess."
"Ooh, you know where there's some really good tuna? At the All-Princess Ball!" Scorpia said excitedly, holding up a scroll. "This year's theme is 'winter wonderland' because it's being hosted at the Kingdom of Snows!" She paused. "Is it racist to hope they have sundaes?"
"What?! How the hell did you get that invitation?!" Catra cried in disbelief, snatching it away.
"They sent it to me," Scorpia said simply. "I'm a Princess."
"You're a Princess?!" Catra gaped at her.
"Yeah, you know," she went on. "When Hordak was just starting out with his whole 'evil empire' thing, he needed a place to rent and my parents had an empty basement in our kingdom, so they rented out a room to him and he decided to stay. He was a great tenant, was late on his rent only one time. Never made too much noise or trashed anything-"
"You're. A Princess," Catra repeated flatly.
"...You didn't know?"
"Of course not!" Catra sputtered. "You don't do any of that normal Princess shit. You never talk to animals- wait a second." She paused, sitting there for a long moment. "...You never...randomly break into song-"
"Haaaanging out in my best friend's bedroom totally isn't gaaaay," Scorpia suddenly sang. "...Unless she...waaaants it to be...but if not...that's okaaaay~"
"...You don't have some stupid curse on you-"
"Definitely not!" Scorpia scoffed, leaning on her bureau. It immediately shattered into wooden splinters and she fell over onto the floor. "Oh dang it not again why does that always happen-"
"...Holy shit you are a Princess." Catra shook her head. "Okay. So. You're a Princess, and you're going to some Princess ball-"
"Oh, I'm not going anywhere," Scorpia said, standing back up and brushing herself off. "The other Princesses didn't like me even before we joined the Horde. I got bullied a lot in high school. I never really...fit in." She paused. "...To the lockers. Believe me, they tried shoving me in there, but I just would NOT fit." She paused again. "Also I have like nothing to wear-"
"That's exactly why you have to go!" Catra burst out. "How dare those Princesses treat you like that, just because you're different!"
"Hey...yeah, you're right," Scorpia agreed, nodding emphatically.
"Or...because you...shed hair or, or scratch up the furniture!"
"Yeah!"
"How dare they...steal your best friend and turn them into a fucking hot swole-ass Amazon-looking bitch!"
"YEAHHHH wait hold on what? Sorry, that might have been too specific for me." Scorpia sat there for a moment, blinking. "...Are we still talking about me here?"
"Of course we are!" Catra shouted, leaping up onto the bed. "You are going to that party, and I'm going with you as your date!"
"YEAAAAHHHH!" Scorpia cheered along, waving pom-poms.
"But first...!" Catra paused. "My litter box needs to be cleaned out."
"...Would you prefer Fresh Step or Tidy Cats?" Scorpia asked, holding up a box of each.
-Back at Bright Moon-
Back at Bright Moon, Bow and Glimmer were walking down a hallway, talking with each other.
"Perfuma asked me to the Ball," Bow was explaining, "and I said yes. I didn't think it would be a big deal."
"It isn't a big deal-" Glimmer began.
"Your cape is on fire."
"Ack!" She hurriedly patted out the flames. "Look, Bow, it's fine, okay? I'm fine!" She paused. "When did you guys even talk about it, anyway?"
"Oh, yeah, she was super slick about it..." Bow began, sighing wistfully.
-Flashback!-
Back at the battle for Plumeria, as the fighting raged through the Horde factory, Princess Perfuma stood alone off to the side, dripping in gore.
"Alright. I can do this," she told herself. "I just walk right up to She-blah, look aaaall the way up those long, sexy legs of hers, into her gorgeous blue eyes – not her tits – and ask her...'do you want to go to the ball with me'?"
"Yeah, sure," Bow said, standing right behind her. Perfuma whipped around.
"What?! Bow?! What're you- no, wait! I was just practicing for when I asked-"
"I'll pick you up at seven!" Bow called over his shoulder, running off with a wave.
"Son of a bitch!"
-Back to the Present!-
"...Slick?" Glimmer asked dubiously.
"Yeah. Because...you know. She was covered in blood and guts and stuff." Bow shrugged. "Anyway, she makes really good pot brownies, so I said yes."
"Oh yeah, she's fine- the best friend stealing bitch- I'm totally not mad," Glimmer said unconvincingly, "but we always go to places together. We have a whole routine! Matching outfits, inside jokes, even a song and dance number we spend hours choreographing. It's our thing!"
"Well, there's nothing wrong with a new thing," Bow told her gently. "We'll see you guys there. Now, I have to go. I need to do some more man-scaping." He held up his razor.
"But...didn't you just shave your legs- oh ew okay yeah go ahead." He winked and skipped off down the hallway, leaving Glimmer alone.
"Glimmer!" Adora suddenly popped out of a nearby doorway. "Good, I found you! I need- are you crying?"
"No!" Glimmer sputtered, scrubbing at her face. "I just...got some glitter in my eyes. What's up?"
"I need your help!" Adora grabbed her arm and yanked her into the room.
"Oh God what's the safe word-" Glimmer choked out. Inside, the walls were plastered with a dozens of charts and papers. "...Holy shit are you a serial killer?" she asked in a horrified whisper.
"The only thing I'm murdering are these party rules," Adora said smugly. "I've been studying for hours and I am ready for this! Go on, quiz me!" She handed her several flashcards and waited expectantly. Glimmer stared at her for a long moment, then read the first card aloud.
"Princess Frosta-"
BZZZZZRT!
Adora slapped a buzzer and shot a hand in the air.
"Ruler of the Kingdom of Snows!" she cried.
"Correct," Glimmer said, impressed.
"Damn right! Now I get to punch something!"
"What? Why?"
"I work best with positive reinforcement." Adora turned, slugged a pillow with a drawing of Catra's face on it, then turned back. "If I get one wrong, I have to hit myself in the face with the pillow. Go on, ask me another! I'm ready for anything."
"Okay." Glimmer paused. "What are you wearing?"
"...ABORT, ABORT!" Adora immediately panicked, going for the fire alarm.
"Whoa, calm down!" Glimmer grabbed her hand. "This isn't a big deal!"
"Can't I just go as She-blah?" Adora begged. "Then I won't even have to get my hair done or wear heels-"
"You can't go as her," Glimmer explained patiently. "They have a strict no-weapons rule at the Ball. It's neutral ground."
"No weapons?!" Adora sputtered. "You mean I can't bring this?" She pulled out a dagger from her boot. "Or this?!" She unwound a garrot wire from her wrist. "Or any of these?" She dumped out several throwing stars from her belt and some poisoned needles from her ponytail.
"...Holy shit, how many do you have ON you?!" Glimmer cried.
"Not that many!" Adora said, throwing up her hands. Several more weapons tumbled out her sleeves and clanged to the ground around her. "...It's a security thing."
"Alright, that's it!" Glimmer clapped her hands. "It's makeover tiiiiiiime!" "Wait what is going on where is that music coming from-" Adora began before Glimmer seized her and dragged her over to the closet to get changed.
Back in his room, Bow's head suddenly snapped up and he sniffed the air, eyes narrowing.
"Hmm? What's this?" he whispered. "I sense...a disturbance. Is someone having a makeover...without me?! How dare- ow FUCK I nicked myself-"
-Meanwhile...-
At the same time, at the Horde Fortress, Catra was pulling on a dark red suit while Scorpia was stuck in the bathroom, trying out a bunch of dresses. Catra banged on the door impatiently.
"Hurry it UP, Scorpia! I swear to God, if you haven't decided on a dress yet I'm cutting a hole in a trash bag and you're wearing that-"
The door opened and Scorpia stepped out, wearing a sleek, sexy black dress. Catra gaped at her.
"...Or you could just...wear that." She gulped. "...I think I just went into heat."
"What?" Scorpia asked.
"I said move your feet! Let's GO!" Catra snapped at her. "...But walk in front of me for no apparent reason."
"Well, alright." Scorpia tottered out of the bathroom on heels, then promptly fell over.
-Back at Bright Moon-
Bow had donned a stylish white tux (with belly exposed, of course) and stood at the bottom of the stairs, awaiting his date, Princess Perfuma, who wore a flowery pink gown.
"Are you ready, babe?" he asked cheerfully.
"I'm ditching you the moment I see She-blah," she grumbled, pushing past him.
Back in the bedroom, Glimmer and Adora were finally ready, Glimmer wearing a floofy purple dress and Adora a chic red one.
"Well, that wasn't so bad," Adora said.
"It would have been a lot easier if you hadn't kept trying to escape through the windows and air ducts," Glimmer replied. "Now. Time to shave your legs!" She held up a razor. Adora went for the fire alarm again.
-Party Time!-
Adora and Glimmer had finally arrived in the Land of Frost, a large kingdom situated on a snow-covered mountaintop. The frozen palace, made completely out of ice, was covered in icicle spires and had a long, winding road.
"Now listen," Adora was saying, handing her sword over to the clerk at the front desk, "you have to be careful with it, okay? Don't you dare scratch it, and don't keep it with the other swords, it might start a fight. It's bedtime is 9 o'clock sharp, it can get a little fussy so you have to be firm with it, maybe read it a book or twot-"
"Okay, calm down, it's just a sword," the woman scoffed, reaching out to take it from her.
"Shhh!" Adora hissed, glaring. "Don't tell it that! It's okay, baby, she didn't mean it-"
"Enough!" Glimmer tossed the sword to the lady, then dragged Adora inside the palace through a pair of doors into the huge ballroom beyond. There, dozens of guests milled about the room while music played in the background, a large throne of ice looming on the other side. "The Ball is one of our most ancient traditions," she explained as she towed Adora along. "A Princess's first Ball is a huge right of passage. We need to treat this with the utmost respect-"
"Where the fuck is the stripper?" Adora interrupted, looking around. "Is there seriously no stripper here? I brought a fuckton of singles. You know what, I'll just ask Bow, where is he?"
"Can we focus on Frosta?" Glimmer cut her off. "The Kingdom of Snows is huge, which is why we need her for the Princess Alliance. If she joins us, all the other Princesses are sure to follow!" She paused. "Also, it'll cut our AC bill in half." They joined the line of guests leading up to the throne. Glimmer turned to look at Adora seriously. "Remember. Don't fuck up."
"Right! I've got this," Adora said with confidence. They reached the front of the line and walked up to the throne, where a little girl in a blue and white fur dress with frozen accents was sitting. "Hiiiii, sweetie. You're up a little late, don't you think? Can we talk to your mom?"
Everyone gasped.
"Adora..." Glimmer whispered, horrified, "...you fucked up."
"What? How did I-"
"THAT'S Princess Frosta."
"Oh." Adora blinked. "Oh shit. Don't worry, I can save this." She turned back to the little girl, who glared at her. "Um, hi. I'm Adora, otherwise known as She-blah. If you want I can pick you up and swing you around-"
"Oh my GOD you're making it WORSE just STOP-"
"Here I'll give you a piggyback ride-" Adora reached for the little girl, who snapped her fingers, and a pair of guards immediately dragged them away. "What the fuck, Glimmer?!" Adora hissed as they deposited by the punch bowl. "You could've mentioned that she was still in diapers!"
"She's, like, twelve!" Glimmer shot back.
"That means nothing to me, I don't understand children! God knows I was never one! I'm convinced they hatch from eggs-"
"Hey guys!" Princess Entrapta suddenly popped up between them.
"What? Entrapta?! What are you doing here?" Glimmer asked in shock.
"I'm doing societal research about when different groups are thrown together and forced to mingle under the guise of romance," Entrapta said, pulling on her goggles and taking out a pad of paper and a pen. "Kiss already!" she suddenly shouted at a couple. They blushed and hurried away. "Cowards!" Entrapta turned back to the girls. "...So are you two going to kiss or what?"
"Uh, that's a NO," Adora said.
"Ugh, fine. Prudes. Where's Bow? He'll make out with someone for me. Why isn't he with you?"
"He's coming later," Glimmer sighed. "With...someone else. But that's fine, it's totally fine, I am NOT mad at-" She broke off in a gasp as she caught sight of Bow and Perfuma walking into the ballroom, looking great together. "...All," Glimmer whimpered out.
"...How broken would you say your heart is right now on a scale of 1 to 10?" Entrapta whispered, leaning in eagerly. "How close are you to crying?"
"Get away from me!" Glimmer shrieked at her.
"Hey guys," Princess Mermista said, walking up to the group in a teal dress with her hair pinned up, "I'm here."
"Ugh, just look at those two!" Glimmer was ranting. "I can't believe they're telling inside jokes right out in public like that! Have they no shame-"
"Okay, I'm leaving-"
"Where's your date?" Adora asked, curious.
"Baaabe, I can't get anyone to agree to a three-way with us," Seahawk whined, sashaying over with a drink in hand. He wore a matching sea-themed outfit. He saw the other girls and winked. "Three-way, anyone?"
"I can't believe you came with him," Adora said incredulously.
"Oh, you better believe she did," Seahawk snorted into his glass.
"Alright, I walked right into that one."
"It's not like that!" Mermista insisted. "I just...needed him."
"She needed to ride my big, wet-"
"BOAT! His BOAT!" Mermista cut him off. "I just needed a ride here, that's all! I left him tied to the rail, I don't know how he got in!"
"I climbed in through the window," Seahawk stage-whispered, "and you should know I have plenty of experience being tied up." He winked again.
"Oh my GOD." Mermista groaned. "What the fuck is the safe word-"
"You two are so interesting!" Entrapta said, staring at them intensely. "...Now kiss."
"Whatever will shut him up." Mermista grabbed Seahawk by the tie and reeled him in.
"Hey, guys!" Bow said, walking up with Perfuma on his arm. "How are you all- why are they making out?"
"Speaking of making out," Perfuma began, turning to Adora, "WE should totally do that. Like right now."
"Alright!" Bow spun her around and went for a kiss.
"Ugh! Not you, you idiot!"
"Aww, look," Bow said, pointing. "It's Spinerella and Netossa! Hey, guys!"
"What?"
"Why the fuck are they all the way over there- anyway, Perfuma and I are gonna go around and compliment everyone's outfits," Bow went on, turning to Glimmer. "Want to come with us?"
"What? No!" Glimmer sputtered, waving her hands. "You guys go on ahead, I'm having SO much fun with Adora. Right?" She turned to find Adora standing there, her arms full of food.
"I took this one when nobody was looking," she said. "Quick, help me hide it all in my dress for later-"
"I can think of a few places-" Perfuma began before she was dragged off by Bow. "I will murder you-"
"They're adorable," Adora said, then noticed Princess Frosta standing by the buffet table. "I'm going to go try to smooth things over with her," she said to Glimmer.
"That's probably not such a good idea- oof!" She staggered as Adora dumped the food into her arms.
"Hold this for me, I'll be right back." Adora sidled up to the ice Princess and cleared her throat. "Hey, uh, sorry about before, I didn't mean to belittle you for being a child." She paused. "...Do you need me to reach anything for you or pick you up? Should I find you a little stool-"
"I suppose now you're going to ask me to join your Rebellion," Princess Frosta cut in snidely.
"Okay, cool, you already know about it. Saves me a lot of time. So we have a great dental plan, plus vacation and sick days-"
"I was being sarcastic."
"Well I sure as fuck wasn't. Here's all the paperwork." Adora pulled some folders out from beneath her dress. "You just sign here and here-"
"I am not joining the Rebellion!" Frosta barked at her. "The Horde hasn't bothered us, and you're only interested in our kingdom because you have a size kink. Now...are you done?" She glared icily up at Adora, who gulped.
"...You ever watch Frozen?" she said weakly.
Princess Frosta spun on her heel and stormed away.
"What?" Adora called after her. "What did I say?"
-Meanwhile-
Glimmer sat on a couch on the upper balcony of the ballroom, spying on Bow and Perfuma below. Adora walked over and flopped down beside her.
"Where have you been?!" Glimmer hissed impatiently. "You're supposed to help me make snide remarks about those two! What kind of friend are you?"
"Does it really bother you that much?" Adora asked.
"Of course not," Glimmer said, frowning. "Bow can hang out with whoever he wants! It's just that...I've never had a lot of friends. It's always been just me and him...but now... what if they all like her better than me? What if he files a replacement friend form and divorces me for that whore-"
"Wait a second friends can DO that- I mean, that's not going to happen, okay?" Adora told her. "Glimmer, trust me, no-one would ever like her more than- oh God don't look she's making everyone signature bouquets it's super sweet and everyone loves it-"
"That's fine, they'll be dead in a few days anyway," Glimmer sniffed.
"Now she's giving everyone pot brownies oh my God they're tripping balls-"
"That's it, I'm calling the cops." Glimmer pulled out her phone.
"Don't be a narc," Adora said. "Anyway, Bow isn't the type to just abandon his friends, and neither am- are those croissants?" She bolted up off the couch and hurried down to the buffet table where she started stuffing her face. "How the fuck did I miss these?!" Still chewing, she glanced up to see Catra and Scorpia standing at the top of the stairs and choked, spitting food everywhere. "PFFFFTTT- oh no they're hot!" She looked down to see Princess Frosta standing there, bits of food splattered all over her face. She gave Adora a chilling glare before marching over to her throne, where Catra and Scorpia walked up, bowing respectfully. "Hey, wait!" Adora cried. "You can't let them in here! They're from the Horde!"
"Princess Scorpia was invited as per the rules of this Ball," Catra said, smugly holding up the invitation.
Adora stood there for a moment.
"...She's a cat, she'll shit on the floor and scratch up the curtains, I know from experience-"
"Hey fuck you!"
"Enough!" Princess Frosta interrupted. "All Princesses and their chosen guests are welcome." She scowled down at Adora disdainfully. "You look at me and see a child, but I have worked too hard to gain respect-"
"My lady, we have the booster seat you requested," a guard said, hurrying up.
"Not right now!" she snapped at them. "For centuries, the All-Princess Ball has been neutral ground. I will not dishonor that legacy, and neither will you."
"I would NEVER-" Adora began. A small dagger fell out of her dress and clattered to the ground at her feet. She quickly kicked it under a table.
"You will behave," Princess Frosta growled, eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Fine!" Adora shouted, then whipped back to Catra. "But I'm going to be on your ass, watching you for the rest of this Ball. Wherever you go, I go."
"...Even the bathroom?" Catra asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Especially the bathroom." Adora glared at her for a beat. "...So are we going or what, I kind of have to pee-"
"Have fun holding it, bitch!" Catra laughed, then scurried off into the crowd.
"Hey, get back here!" Adora cried. "Glimmer, you take Scorpia, I'll follow Catra!" She trailed her through the large room, dodging past inebriated guests and shitty party decorations. Glimmer, meanwhile, kept her eyes on Scorpia, who had discovered the buffet table and was gaping at it in awe.
"Oh my gosh! Look at all this food! I can't wait to eat all-" She touched the table with a claw and it instantly broke, the food scattering all over the floor. "...That will not stop me."
Glimmer caught sight of Bow in the crowd, hesitated, then sidled over to him.
"Hey, Bow, there's something I need to tell you," she said quietly. "I know it's been weird between us all night-"
"Yeah, Perfuma keeps getting these funny death threats in her pockets," Bow said. "She's starting to get a little concerned."
"Oh, is she?" Glimmer hurriedly puts away her Post-it's and markers. "Anyway, forget that. I just wanted to say...I forgive you."
"You forgive me?!" Bow scoffed in outrage. "Glimmer, I'm allowed to hang out with other people!"
"...I never agreed to that in our friendship contract," Glimmer said flatly. "I thought I was given sole custody-"
"It's a given! You don't own me!"
"WHOA, okay, let's not go there!" Glimmer cried, raising her hands.
"Yeah, alright, let's change the subject," Bow agreed awkwardly.
"I just...don't want to end up alone," Glimmer went on. "It used to be just you and me, but now everything is changing and I don't want to be left behind!"
"No one is leaving you behind, Glimmer!" Bow assured her. "I wanted to hang out with you and Adora and Perfuma tonight, but now she's left me because I'm apparently 'killing her vibe'. I know change is scary, but you don't get to take it out on me." He blew out a sigh. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go powder my mid-riff. It's getting all sweaty." He turned and walked away.
Glimmer sighed as well, turning back to the buffet table to find Scorpia nowhere in sight.
"Are you serious she's like ten feet tall how can I NOT find her-"
-With Adora-
Adora, meanwhile, was hurrying up the stairs to the upper balcony and gasped when she found Catra sneaking up behind Entrapta, who sat perched on the railing.
"What do you think you're doing?!" she cried. "Get away from her!"
"Oh, don't worry, it's perfectly alright," Entrapta began.
"It looked like she was about to push you off the ledge!"
"Because she was about to push me off the ledge," Entrapta explained. "It's a social experiment!"
Adora gaped at her, then looked at Catra, who shrugged.
"Hey, she asked me nicely. I couldn't just say no."
"What's the problem, anyway?" Entrapta asked.
"The problem is she's from the Horde!" Adora explained hotly. Entrapta gave her a blank stare. "...The people the Rebellion are fighting." Still nothing. "...The Rebellion you're a part of."
"Oh, right, that," Entrapta said, then pulled out her pen and paper. "So are you two gonna kiss already?"
"Okay, move aside, I'm pushing her myself-"
-With Bow-
At the moment, Bow was wandering down one of the palace's many hallways, completely lost.
"Okay, where the hell is the girl's bathroom, I am NOT using the men's, it's disgusting and I have standards- hold on who is that?" He stopped as he saw Scorpia ahead of him, standing by a pillar as she placed a small red device on it. He gasped and ran over to a pair of guards in front of the ballroom entrance. "Help, help! This is an emergency! We have to stop her!" He pointed at Scorpia. "She's redecorating! Without permission!"
"She's not redecorating," one of the guards said. "Those are heat bombs."
"Those are WHAT bombs?!"
"Dammit, Kyle!" the other guard hissed. Bow spun around to find Scorpia looming over him, Adora's sword in her claws. The guards seized Bow by the arms.
"Hey!" he cried. "...No, not ME, you guys, HER. You're supposed to grab HER."
"Holy shit he's so dumb just knock him out already-"
"Yeah I feel kinda bad now-"
-Back With Adora-
Adora was following Catra across the dance floor, intent on catching her knocking over people's drinks or something, when the music suddenly stopped.
"Everyone!" Princess Frosta announced, holding her hands up. "It is my solemn duty to announce it is time for the first dance of the Ball." She paused. "If anyone twerks, they will be beheaded."
"Aw, come on!" Seahawk shouted from the back.
Partygoers rushed to the dance floor as mood lighting switched on. Adora blinked and found herself standing opposite Catra, who extended a hand. She reluctantly took it, and the two began dancing.
"I don't know about you," Catra smirked, "but I am having SO much fun-" Adora stomped on her foot. "Ow FUCK!"
"Sorry, I never took dancing lessons," Adora said. "They interfered with my jiu-jitsu. Anyway, whatever you're planning, it won't work, so just give up." With that, she spun away, ending up with Glimmer as a dance partner.
"Adora, this is awful," she babbled, bawling her eyes out. "I got into a big fight with Bow and now he's not gonna want to be friends with me anymore and I think I'm gonna have to kill Perfuma and I lost Scorpia-"
"What?! How could you lose her?! She's like ten feet tall!" Adora got out before spinning away again, this time ending up with Perfuma.
"Oh my God, fucking finally!" she cried. "Someone get me a chair! I give way better lap dances than Bow!"
"I highly doubt that," Adora said. "Speaking of Bow, where is he?"
"Are you kidding me?! He's not even here and he's still cock-blocking me!" Perfuma snarled. Glimmer wandered up, looking around worriedly.
"Adora, I think Bow is missing, I haven't seen him- oh GREAT now YOU'RE best friends with her too! You skank!" She burst into a fresh wave of tears and ran off.
"No wait she means nothing to me!" Adora cried as she and Perfuma parted ways. She spun yet again, this time returning to Catra, who had vomit on her shirt. "...What happened?"
"Some drunk bitch puked on me," Catra snapped, "but nevermind that." She grabbed Adora and dramatically dipped her as the lights lowered. They stared into each other's eyes, gazes smoldering, the air thick with sexual tension-
*Thud!*
"Ow! What the fuck? You dropped me!"
"Shut up, you're fucking heavy! I almost threw my back out," Catra hissed, helping her to her feet. "Oh, by the way, Adora, I brought some singles. Can you guess why?" She pulled out a bunch of dollar bills and fanned herself with them tauntingly.
"They don't have cat treats in the vending machine, Catra," Adora said.
"What? No! That's not what I-" She cleared her throat and tried again. "You like my outfit? My other choice was a crop-top."
"I don't think a crop-top would convey as much angry-lesbian energy."
"Oh my GOD we kidnapped your stupid friend Bow!" Catra burst out impatiently. Adora gasped in horror.
"What?! How did you get him to go along with you?!" She paused. "Did you say please?"
"I didn't," Catra smirked.
"You monster!" Adora lunged forward with an angry roar, tackling Catra to the ground. Everyone stopped in their tracks, horrified. "...It...it's a new dance move! It's called...The Tackle!"
"Cool!" Several of the Princesses immediately began trying it out on their partners.
"And this one's called The Strangle-"
"ENOUGH!" A voice boomed. Pillars of ice grew from the ground, forcing the two apart and trapping Adora in an icy prison as Princess Frosta intervened. "The Princess Ball is a ceremony of unity. Violence is strictly forbidden-"
"My lady, we've caught someone wearing a non-regulation pair of heels," a pair of guards said, holding Seahawk captive.
"Execute him!" she snarled, then turned back to Adora. "I hereby revoke your invitation. You are to get the FUCK out of my kingdom and never, EVER-"
*Boom! BOOM! BOOOOOM!*
Multiple explosions went off throughout the castle as the heat bombs laid by Scorpia detonated. The partygoers screamed in panic, the ice walls and ceiling splintering above them.
"What is this?!" Princess Frosta shouted. "These are not the approved fireworks I asked for! Someone is getting executed for this!" She spun around and ran off.
"Glimmer!" Adora cried, desperately waving a hand through the bars of her cage. "Catra has Bow! You have to save him!"
"Oh, GREAT, now he's friends with HER, too?!" Glimmer wailed. "I can't believe him! What a slut!"
"JUST FUCKING SAVE HIM ALREADY!"
"FINE!" She huffed and teleported away.
"Those two need fucking friendship therapy," Adora muttered before turning to glare at Catra, who was leaning nonchalantly against her ice prison. "Catra, what have you DONE?!"
"Me?" Catra cocked her head, feigning innocence. "Nothing. Scorpia, Lonnie and Kyle, however, were very busy. It was fun distracting you, though! But now...it's time to go." She twitched in place, frowned, then twitched again. "Or...you know...I could just... hang out for a little longer."
"...You're stuck, aren't you?" Adora asked after a moment.
"Of course I'm not stuck, that'd be fucking dumb. I'm just...leaning on here. That's perfectly normal." She paused. "Someone get me some warm water!"
"Oh my God you are stuck you fucking idiot-"
"Get back here, twerker!" a guard shouted in the crowd.
"You'll never catch these heels, bitch!" Sea Hawk shot back over his shoulder, dashing away from the guards in his stilettos. "I will not be oppressed!" He ran straight into the ice prison, shattering it to bits and breaking both Adora and Catra free. He gaped at them in shock. "Oh, that totally deserves a three-way!"
"Not if you get executed!" Catra snarled, shoving him back towards the guards, then taking off down the hallway.
"Hey! Get back here!" Adora shouted, chasing after her.
-Outside-
Glimmer teleported outside, the palace crumbling about her, and caught sight of Lonnie and Kyle dragging Bow away towards a scorpion-shaped vehicle. She let out a bloodcurdling scream and leapt at them in a murderous rage.
"I'm shoving this glitter bomb down your throat!" she shrieked, punching them both in the gut. As they fell back, she crouched beside Bow, cradling him gently in her arms. "Oh my God, Bow! Are you okay?! Don't worry, I'll give you mouth-to-mouth! I'm sure I'm much better at it than Perfuma-" She gasped suddenly and slumped over.
"Oh gosh, I am so sorry!" Scorpia said, popping up beside her. "I was backing up and didn't see you there and accidentally poked you with my tail! Are you okay, sweetie?" Glimmer didn't move. "You may be experiencing some paralysis." Glitter twitched weakly. "Oh, and muscle spasms, that too! And did I mention loss of bladder control?" Glimmer let out a muffled scream.
-Back Inside-
Princess Frosta rushed across the ballroom floor as the palace melted around her, shoving panicked party guests out of her way, desperately reaching out for-
The AC unit control switch.
She turned down the temp and immediately the castle stabilized, the shaking stopping and falling chunks of ice returning to the walls and ceiling.
"God, everyone, chill," she snorted. Everyone just stared at her. "LAUGH AT MY PUN OR BE EXECUTED." Everyone immediately began laughing.
"I'll get you, Catra!" Adora was still chasing Catra through the twisting hallways. She slapped on some skates to try and catch up and was instantly body-checked by a hockey player. "Okay that was a fucking FOUL-" she growled, spitting out her mouth guard and decking the guy.
Laughing mockingly, Catra hopped onto a floating chunk of ice and rode it upwards, escaping with ease.
"Hey! That's not fair!" Adora tried another ice chunk and waited. "...Why isn't it- what?! Out of order?! I gotta take the ice stairs are you fucking kidding me-"
Catra emerged onto the rooftop as the ice chunk sealed itself back into place. Adora joined her a moment later, puffing her way up the ice stairs, and the two faced off. Their battle was brutal, and rather short, when Catra suddenly slipped, teetering on the edge.
"Catra!" Adora flung out a hand, grabbing Catra...
By the tail.
"MREOWWWW!" Catra screeched in pain.
"What the fuck, man!" Adora shouted at the random janitor who'd been mopping the roof. He stuck the mop into his bucket of soapy water and shrugged. "At least put down a wet-floor sign! We're gonna sue your ass!" Suddenly the whole palace shook and they tumbled off together, screaming. Adora, ever prepared, yanked out a climber's ice pick and slammed it into the side of the palace, halting their fall. She dangled there, still holding Catra by her tail.
"Don't worry!" Adora said. "I've got you, Catra! Just gimme like five minutes to put on my harness and ropes and hammer in a couple pins-"
"Oh my God, just fucking kill me!" Catra thrashed free and plummeted into the clouds below.
"Catraaaaaa!" Adora wailed in anguish. She watched, horrified, as the scorpion-shaped vehicle rose from the clouds to hover at eye level. Inside, she saw Catra, Scorpia, Lonnie, and Kyle gathered around an unconscious Glimmer and Bow. Scorpia was painting their nails while Kyle applied lipstick. "You monsters! Those colors don't even match!"
"Slumber party at the Horde Fortress!" Catra crowed. "You're not invited." She waved as they zoomed away.
"Noooooo!" Adora hung there, all alone. "...Who's gonna give me a ride home now?"
-End Episode 8-