The midnight hour had long since passed. The Obscurial, now asleep in his grand four poster bed, had started moving restlessly against the pile of pillows. In his mind he could hear them, voices of the past echoing in darkness. And that's when the nightmares began.
"Come on now. I'm not going to hurt you."
Lies. Everyone had lied to him. They delighted in suffering, watching him bleed, seeing him writhe in torment. It was all he'd ever known, tasting salt and copper, haunted by the screams he'd never been able to release.
"Now don't you worry. This won't take two seconds. Just open your mouth and it'll be over before you know it."
There had been a flash of silver beneath the fluorescent lights, barely a moment for his mind to register what was happening. But that single moment in time had been enough to leave him traumatized. It came back in pieces, the gleaming metal instruments, some with sharpened blades, others with curves and mirrors, all of it drenched in blood.
He remembered choking, scarlet fluid cascading down the back of his throat, pouring from his mouth and nose, the roof of his mouth on fire with tremendous pain.
Thickened strands made of partially congealed blood clung to the walls of his throat, sticking to his airway and clogging the delicate passages. His every breath was burning, and when he made the mistake of inhaling too deeply, these gelatinous strings stretched deeper, a flood of hot liquid pushing them into his lungs.
He was suffocating. Surely he was dying.
No child should have to taste their own blood, spitting out ragged lumps of flesh that had been torn from the back of his throat. And they expected him to submit, to open his mouth and allow them to explore his insides with those horrendous instruments.
How? How could he possibly get through this?
The screams that he had never given voice to in the past now tore from his chest, the Obscurial tangled in his sheets, shrieking and crying, thrashing against the mattress.
Startled by this sudden outburst, Nagini came awake in the dark, her coils instantly fading as her human form materialized alongside her companion. She was used to Credence's nightmares, but this was a particularly violent episode. The noise of his terrified wails, accompanied by the tearing of fabric, the blankets ripping, split down the seams as magic exploded outwards in all directions, cracking the ceiling and launching several pillows into the air.
"Credence!" Nagini called out, gripping his arm, trying to hold him steady. "Credence, stop!"
In response to his awakening the candles in the room flared to life, providing just enough light for Nagini to see that his pajamas were soaked with perspiration. He was visibly shaking, finally opening his eyes, his chest heaving with rapid, panicked breathing.
"Credence, you need to calm yourself," Nagini said, hearing him give voice to a pitiful moan. "Deep breathing, Credence," she coached. "Deep breaths, nice and slow."
Beads of sweat stood out like a galaxy of stars on his forehead. He couldn't stop shaking. Why? Why did he have to do this? Why couldn't he find his voice? Why couldn't he tell them no?
He swallowed hard, inhaling deeply. "Don't," he moaned, not fully awake and unable to process his surroundings. "Don't want to... Please don't make me. Don't make me..." He turned his head to the side, his words broken by hoarse, wretched sobbing.
"Credence..." Nagini rubbed his arm, offering gentle support to help ease him through his panic attack. There was nothing they could do but ride it out, her hand finding his in the pale illumination, holding on tight while she massassged the back of his hand with her thumb. "Credence, it's alright. Keep breathing. Keep breathing, I'm here. I'm here, Credence."
"I can't..." Credence murmured, looking up at her with tears in his eyes. "I can't do this. I can't do this, Nagini. I feel sick." The muscles in his throat contract, forcing a portion of his evening meal to enter the base of his esophagus. "I think I'm going to throw up."
"You're not going to throw up," Nagini soothed, wiping away his tears and smoothing the hair out of his face. "You're just nervous is all."
"No, I can't," Credence insisted, holding his belly with one hand. "My stomach hurts."
The Maledictus sighed. She glanced at the nightstand, seeing an assortment of potion bottles: dreamless sleep potion which he had forgotten to take, an empty bottle of calming draught, a jar of blackcurrant barley water for easing nausea and stomach discomfort. But would that be enough? It might be better to give him something stronger.
"Let's try some of this," she said, reaching for the bottle of blackcurrant barley water and removing the cork. "Just to start. It should hold you while I reheat some of your mother's rescue remedy."
"Thank you," Credence whispered hoarsely, allowing her to hold the bottle and bring it to his lips. His hands were shaking so badly he couldn't hold the bottle on his own, and slowly he took a sip, drinking a moderate amount of the sweetened liquid.
When he had finished drinking, Nagini placed the bottle on the nightstand and retrieved the pillows that had been hurled across the room. She stayed with him for several minutes, rubbing the back of his hand, talking to him, and in general making sure that he wasn't going to erupt into a flaming ball of fury. When his breathing had evened out a bit, the Maledictus slid off the side of the mattress and placed a bronze cauldron into the fireplace.
The fire beneath the cauldron was relight with a simple hand gesture, the cupboard on her left opening as a large glass jar was levitated off the shelf. Nagini caught the jar as it floated towards her, opening the lid and pouring a generous portion of liquid into the cauldron.
She could hear Credence sniffling, huddled under the blankets, watching her work. The bedsprings creaked, and Credence sat up on the edge of the mattress, still trembling and cocooned in one of his blankets.
Desperate and terrified, he leaned forward slightly, muttering every prayer he could think of.
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom... Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Credence wrapped his arms around waist, rocking back and forth, fresh tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. "This I pray... Lord, I pray, Jesus Christ preserve me..."
Returning to his side, Nagini sat next to him on the bed, his tears flowing freely now. "Credence, you really are afraid, aren't you?" she asked gently, placing a hand on his back.
Credence bit back a sob. "Yes," he choked out, barely able to contain his anxiety. "I've never been... I've never done this before. All I know is that, when I was eight... There was so much blood, so much..."
Nagini started rubbing his back, hoping to comfort her friend. "I don't think this is the same as when you had your operation, Credence. Though I can see how something like that would traumatize a small child."
His breathing hitched, memories of the past joining with his worries about the future, causing his insides to clench with unrelenting terror. "It's all I can think about," he continued, edging towards hyperventilation. "I remember... I remember they sat me down in the chair and they shoved this... this thing in my mouth. It had a curved blade on the end and I... I..."
"Shh, don't think about that." Nagini placed her arm around his shoulders, pulling him close and feeling him tremble beneath the warmth of her touch. "It isn't like that, Credence. No one is going to hurt you. I promise."
"I was choking on my own blood," Credence blurted out, unable to stop the words from tumbling past his lips.
"Credence, stop." Her tone was firm, grabbing his attention. She hated speaking to him in such a manner, but she needed to get control of the situation before he suffered a complete meltdown. "Listen to me. Your mother loves you very much. I love you. We would never let anyone hurt you. Do you understand, Credence?"
"Yes." Credence sniffled and bowed his head, not daring to break eye contact with the Maledictus.
"Do you trust me? Do you trust your mother?"
More sniffling, his throat constricting with emotion. "Y-yes... I do, Nagini."
"Then you should know that you'll be alright, because we love you, and because we're here for you." She stroked his hair, his trembling form slumped against her shoulder, crying in earnest now.
"I'm sorry, Nagini," he whimpered, embarrassed by his behavior. "I'm so sorry."
A surge of self-hatred flared to life in his chest. Stupid, shameful, cowering child. Always afraid, incapable of functioning in society. He was worthless, just like Mary Lou had always told him.
He hated himself for it, for crying and breaking down in front of Nagini. But there was no stopping it now. He was terrified and he didn't know how to cope with this situation. He didn't want to go through with this. Even worse, he was sure that he would start crying during his appointment.
It was bad enough, Credence thought, letting his friends and family see him like this, a shaking, sobbing miserable wreck. But to suffer a meltdown in front of a complete stranger, in a building where everyone was sure to hear him and know that he was acting like a baby, the thought alone was mortifying.
They would think badly of him at his appointment. They would be disgusted by his behavior, he was sure of it. He couldn't blame them. He was repulsed by his actions, by the spasms that shook his fragile form, his chest heaving, clinging to Nagini in a desperate attempt to find comfort, to find anything at all that might help him get through this.
"Shh, hush now," Nagini whispered, pulling him close and holding him gently. "It's going to be alright. I know this is scary, but you can do it, Credence. You've been through so much, it's no wonder you're afraid. I would honestly be surprised if you weren't. But you remember what I told you. Alright, Credence?"
He lifted a hand and placed his thumb into his mouth, sniffling as he nodded.
Nagini patted his back then glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's after three in the morning, Credence. You're supposed to be up in a few hours."
She released him from her embrace, hearing him whimper at the loss of physical contact. "I'll only be a minute," Nagini told him, the Obscurial sitting there with tears in his eyes, trembling and sucking his thumb like a frightened toddler.
Nagini returned to her cauldron, checking that the potion was the correct temperature before ladling a portion of it into a cup.
The mattress dipped beneath her weight when she settled beside him, offering the potion with a small smile curling the corners of her lips. "You're going to have to take that out of your mouth if you want to drink this."
"Oh." Credence blinked and looked down at her offering. "Sorry," he mumbled, removing his thumb from his mouth.
His hands trembling, Credence held the cup and tried taking a small sip, the warmth of the potion coating the back of his throat and helping to settle his stomach. It felt soothing, and the more he drank the more the ache in his stomach began to subside.
His eyelids drooping, the Obscurial felt his chin dip towards his chest. He was tired, physically and emotionally worn. It felt like he'd been fighting this for so long. Was it really worth the struggle? That was a question he couldn't tackle right now. The potion had drained the tension from his limbs, making him drowsy.
Seeing his exhaustion, Nagini took the cup and placed it on the nightstand, allowing him to lie down in bed.
"You'll be alright, Credence," she said sweetly, covering him with his blanket. His eyes beginning to close, the Maledictus leaned over and placed a kiss his cheek. "I promise. Everything will be fine."
"Don't wanna..." he muttered, a fearful whine chasing his words. But he was too tired to continue fighting. Whatever awaited him in the morning, Credence would face it with the help of his family. For now, it was time to rest, sleep overcoming him at last in the wee hours of the night.