"So - start from the beginning"
Armin, Connie, Sasha, Jean and Eren are around a table, waiting for their coffees and teas to arrive. After meeting up with Eren to talk about Mikasa, they were all waiting to hear what happened to her.
"So...Levi and Petra came to have lunch at our house today - and near the end, Levi receives this call - it was the police, apparently they raided this building and, found Mikasa" - seeing their expressions, Eren understand to go on with the explanation -" So they go get her, and...yeah it was hell seeing her in that shape"
"What shape? Was she hurt?" Sasha chimes in - second only Eren, Sasha was the one who Mikasa got closest to, and when she heard that Mikasa was here again, she was the first one to arrive and almost throttled Eren to make him talk.
"Well, she wasn't not hurt - " at that, everyone grimaces, imagining at what extent the injuries were -" But most of all was how she changed - she took a couple of seconds to recognise everyone, and at first she was genuinely feeling happy, I think - but after the shock passed she closed herself back, reacting to any loud sound"
"After that, they brought her home - that's it"
The rest of them watches Eren with incredulous eyes -"That's it? Nothing happened?"
"I told you guys, nothing happened - trust me, I would've went home with Levi and stayed with her, but-" Eren takes a deep breath -" let's say that all we were doing was overwhelming Mik, and she needed to rest"
Jean, who has been silent until then, speaks up, making everyone look at him -" Well, I'm not sure, but my guess is that if someone goes through a traumatic event, and then gets rescued, the first thing that they need is to rest -" they stop their conversation once they see their orders coming up. "I don't want to tell you what to do, because I'm not sure I wouldn't act like you if it were me in your place, but you've always been a bit 'act first, ask later' type of guy"- Eren bites into his muffin, wanting to glare at the taller blonde, but refraining- He has a point after all...
Armin speaks up, after taking a sip of his coffee -"I can understand how it would be difficult for you to take it easy - but we are I a similar situation too, Eren", he continues, pointing at Sasha and Connie, who quickly nod in agreement -" We want to talk to her too, after all"
Eren sits quietly, thinking of ways he can make his point without sounding like he was the only one who actually cared for her - "I know...it's just...we were closer than she was with you - not to say that you weren't friends, but we- we were something else, you know?"
"Eren, everyone knew - it was obvious after a few months of you being inseparable" Connie deadpans, not even acknowledging the small blush on his face -" But our point still remains - wait. And it's not like we don't understand how you feel or we never experienced it ourselves". At that statement, Jean giggles, trying to remain serious, only to blow up laughing in Connie's face, with Sasha alongside them also laughing at her friend's face.
"S-s-sorry, Connie, I know you're being serious, but that last part was too much for me to handle!" Jean guffaws, still trying to stop laughing. Connie looks at his two friends with a raised eyebrow, commenting -"What you don't think that I found someone already?"
"Connie you spend all your time with us! When are you supposed to have found someone?!" Sasha points out, sipping on her tea.
"Anyway, back to the point" - Armin puts back on the right track the conversation -" Just take it easy Eren"
Tired of hearing that sentence, Eren responds forcefully -"That's easy for you to say! I only want her to be happy again!" - he finishes, voice rising in volume -"We all want her to be happy, but out point is : are you trying to help her or are you trying to make her act how she used to be?" Jean asks, hands gesturing for Eren to respond.
Eren furrows his eyebrows, clearly not understanding the question -" What's the difference? She used to be happy!" - At that, Jean sighs, and scoots closer to the table, elbows leaning against it - "The point is that she probably changed a bit from what you used to know - you're trying to talk to 14 year old Mikasa, but you should be trying to talk to 27 year old Mikasa"
Armin interjectes, seeing Eren's confused expression - "He's right, Eren - don't try and make things how they used to. Instead , help her by understanding that Mikasa probably changed, personality wise, and you can't undo that change in only a few hours - and maybe you can't change that at all."
"What we're saying is that if you're hoping for Mikasa to behave how she used to behave, stop that - she won't. She went through a traumatic event, and a decade passed." Connie adds, making sure that Eren is processing all of this is.
Sensing that Eren is close to get it, Sasha puts the finishing touch - "To put it simply, you need to get to know her again"
Instead of replying, Eren looks down, noticing how he finished his muffin already.
I don't need to get to know her again...I know her already!
Mikasa slowly opened her eyes, immediately noticing how, even though not perfect, the place she was sleeping on wasn't as uncomfortable as it usually feels - Maybe because I cleaned it better this time...
But after looking around the unfamiliar room, she remembers how she wasn't anymore in that hell- she was in her brother Levi's home. She gets up, careful to have her blanket always covering her and she makes her way towards what she believes is the kitchen, hearing some noises.
She sees Petra, cooking something at the stove, who still hasn't noticed Mikasa walking in, softly singing to herself. The raven forces herself to make some noise, not wanting to speak up, and bumps into a chair. Immediately Petra turns around, and upon seeing Mikasa, breaks into a smile - "Hello Mik! I'm just making some soup, you want anything in particular?" - Mikasa can smell the food from where she's standing, and manages a small shake of her head. Instead, she quietly asks -" Can I have some soup, please?" , not looking directly into Petra's eyes.
Petra decides not to address her tone, instead simply smiling and saying - "Sure! Just grab a chair, and it will be ready in like 10 minutes!". Mikasa sits down, hunching down more as she sits. She looks down on the ground, seeing as everything is already clean, wondering what she will have to do to repay them of the hospitality, dreading the answers that comes to her mind.
Both women hear the front door opening, and get greeted by Levi, who puts his shoes in a special container down by the door, and joins them in the kitchen. As soon as he sees Mikasa, he sits down next to her. "How are you, Mik? Slept well?" - the girl just nods with her head, not answering. He takes a deep breath, and starts talking again - "Mik, we need to talk now", his tone betraying the seriousness of the conversation.
Mikasa's eyes widen at that, already imagining what they could ask her to do, and before Levi can continue, he interrupts him -"I will clean around - I-I will help! If y-you want I can clean right now!". She starts to get up, frantically looking around for a broom, when a hand on her shoulder stops her. She looks at the body attached to it and it's Levi - "Mik, relax, no-one wants you to do anything. Ok?" - he waits until he sees her nodding, and they both sit again, her acting more erratic, looking back and forth between Levi and Petra.
"I wanted to say that we-" , his head nodding between himself and Petra, -"and Carla think that you need more help than we can provide. We were thinking of booking a therapist". At the silence following that, he continues -"Tomorrow we will start looking for one, ok? You will decide who to pick, after we meet with them, alright?" - Mikasa only looks down, thinking hard about what he said - Am I such a mess that I need a therapist...I-I don't want to go...
"Please don't make me go...I want all of this to end...I will do whatever you want, just don't make me go there" - by the end of the sentence Mikasa can't speak anymore, her crying taking over her speech - "I want this to stop...if I go to a therapist, I'll still experience that hell!" - Levi is quick to hug his sister, hand rubbing her back for comfort, and, even though he knows that this is for her own good, he still feels horrible for forcing her to do this - "Mik...I am sorry that you feel this way, but it's a necessary step for you to get better".
The atmosphere has become almost unbearable to Mikasa, who only wants to close herself in her room and sleep, but she remembers that she doesn't have that anymore. The thought only causes her to break down harder. Petra starts to get closer to them, kneeling down next to Mikasa, seeing that Levi has begun tearing up as well. "Mikasa? Look at me - everything is ok -" she stops until she is able to see the pair of black eyes following her -"Take a deep breath, count to 4, and exhale slowly, again, inhale, count to 4, and exhale".
They do this routine a couple more times, Levi also joining in, both for support and also from needing it as well. It takes a few minutes, but Mikasa is able to stop her panic attack from continuing - when she realises that neither of them hurt her for crying. She looks at them, expecting to see hands raised, threatening to slap her, but she only sees warm smiles and comforting faces. "I-I'm sorry for crying - I will try harder to hold it together-" she gets stopped immediately by Levi, who shushes her, and says -"If you need to cry, you can cry - we won't hurt you for that. You can let go".
At those words, Mikasa's eyes swell up, lips trembling, before she takes his advice and cries into Levi's shoulder.
It feels good to cry again
Eren returns home, after spending the afternoon with his friends - it felt good to finally have some positive interactions with them, ones where he actively participated instead of being dragged along to whatever they wanted to do - It's only my fault that I missed out on them so many times... - he sees his mom cooking dinner, and she spots him - "Hey! How were Armin and the others doing?" Carla asks, happy to see his son have social interactions with his peers - "They're doing ok, Armin is apparently working for this company as a data analyst, and even though he's not as happy as he could be, that position is safe enough and brings home money, so I think that he's going to stick around for a while".
"That's great - I haven't seen him in a while, so I was afraid that you two had some falling out" - the brunette knows that his mother really appreciated and was thankful when he managed to drag him out of the house -" Don't worry, nothing happened. He was just busy with work, that's all".
"And the rest are doing fine as well - Connie and Sasha are still searching, and Jean is working at this retail store, but I'm sure that he will quit by the end of the month, he's miserable there"
Carla nodded, and then noticed Eren staring at his phone screen, a blank chat with Mikasa visible - "Are you going to write to her?". The boy doesn't bother looking up, instead sighing deeply before answering -" I don't know. I want to, I just don't know what to write". His conversation with his friends is still fresh in his memory, and decides to also ask his mom.
"Hey, mom...do you...do you think that I need to get to know Mik again?"
Carla ponders for a bit, knowing what Eren is talking about. "Well...it's a good question - maybe it wouldn't hurt. And I'm not saying to restart everything, but her tastes in things might have changed. So, yeah, that would be a good idea!"
She tastes the bbq sauce, coughing slightly from the spiciness, before turning to Eren - "Come on, set up the table, tonight's menu is homemade wings!"
After having cleaned up the table and washed the dishes, the brunette calls Levi, awaiting the response.
"Hey Eren - what's up?""Hey Levi, I was wondering, could I come over tomorrow to see Mik? I...I want to start talking to her again"
He only hears a few muffled sounds, not sure from whom they're coming from, until her hears the man reply -"I don't know if you'd be able to - we will be going out to meet-" Levi stops, not sure if he should omit the fact that Mikasa is going to see a therapist, but then decides that it's better to disclose it now than later -" uh, meet with some therapists for Mikasa"
The silence that is created is a hint to Levi that what follows isn't going to be something understanding.
"Why? She needs us to treat her normally, you can't send her off to some nobody so they can do our job! You can't-"
"Eren. Stop. You can't change my mind - you may not agree with us here, but we need her to heal. I'm a tea seller, and you're a programmer. We're not qualified for that. Now, we're going to do this with or without you - I don't want Mikasa to be next to someone who antagonises her healing process"
That threat burns instantly into Eren's mind, knowing full well that Levi won't back down easily, if Eren continues to oppose this.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to- I only meant that I...I really want to get Mikasa back..."
The admission puts some relief in both of them, Levi having the confirmation that Eren is still as impatient and hot-headed as ever, only willing to help her.
"Me too. That's why we're getting a therapist - to help her get back faster"
For a while there's silence, and then Eren continues speaking.
"Yes, I know - sorry for overreacting-" he then remembers that he gave his old phone to Mikasa, and he thinks to ask him before initiating contact-" Uh, Levi, would it be ok for me to write to her? You know, since I-"
"Eren, you don't have to ask for confirmation - if Mikasa is up for it,she will answer you, you know that - only thing is, if you do start a conversation, don't push too much,ok?"
"Yeah, I know - thanks, and sorry again, Levi"
"No problem, you brat - see you soon"
Eren heads for his bedroom, fishing out his phone and going to the still empty chat with Mikasa. Inhaling deeply, his thumbs start typing a message
- Hey Mik! Are you free to talk for a while?
After he hits send, Eren immediately feels anxious, even if he doesn't know exactly the reason why. He looks under her name, the grey dot signifying her not being online still there.
He waits for a few seconds, and just before he is about to close the chat, the dot turns green.
The brunette waits to see if the "typing" alert will appear, but to his dismay, the chat remains with only his message.
- I just wanted to tell you that you are not going to face this alone, I'll be there every step of the way
He still waits, no changes in the screen happening, the green dot still there, telling him of her presence.
- You can trust me, Mik.
Minutes pass, and Eren is forced to admit defeat, closing the chat - Oh well...I know that she received them...I guess this is what they meant with not pushing her...
Suddenly, he hears a notification chime, alerting him of a new message. He unlocks the phone, and smiles deeply at the name displaying on it.
Mik : Thanks, Eren
The next day, Mikasa, Levi and Petra are all huddled up in front of their laptop, looking online for a good therapist for Mikasa. While Mikasa has the final say, Levi takes it upon himself to judge a good therapist from a bad one based on how tidy they look, a skill that he has managed to aquire over the years.
"It's simple really, just look at their clothes, if they're ironed or not, if they're buttoning all the buttons on their shirts, plenty of little clues to gather - for example, this one has her reading glasses on her head"
Petra giggles at that, instead deciding to look at her profile more in depth - she had a smile that wasn't forced, and that set her apart in her opinion.
"Let's see now...Hange Zoë, studied for 10 years, that's a long time, licensed psychologist, ooh,apparently they are genderqueer, so they/them...Mik? Want to take a look at them?"
Mikasa tilts towards the screen, watching the gentle smile of the person - she doesn't trust smiles as much as she used to, her captors always smiling before hurting her. She still isn't sure about this, the idea of getting professional help makes the whole issue way worse somehow - but Levi was hell bent on making her talk to one, so as much as she hated not having a choice, she forces herself to trust her brother, hoping that he wouldn't force her if she felt uncomfortable around them.
"What do you say? Do you want to call them?" Levi asks, hand rubbing her shoulder gently - Wouldn't matter anyway...I'm sure they're all the same...Hesitantly, the girl softly nods her head, watching as Levi grabs his phone and starts dialing the number. The phone makes her remember her own, and the almost one sided conversation on it - she knows that Eren would want to talk to her like nothing happened, but those years made her afraid of people, the few exceptions being Levi, Petra and Carla, even if just a bit.
She still feels unsure about Eren. She knows that she can trust him, but subconsciously, after all the years of torture and pain, she thinks that even Eren is capable of hurting her - No! He told me yesterday, I can trust him! - the doubt is still strong in her though, and so she doesn't reach out to him, fears plaguing and confusing her thoughts.
"So Hange said that if you want, we could have a session tomorrow morning - how does that sound Mik?" Levi returns, his phone pressed into his chest, the line still on between them.
The raven nods, still unsure about this decision, but the comforting sight of her brother helps her maintain a certain level of calm. The man smiles and nods once, returning to his phone call, arranging with the therapist the time to meet.
He comes back a few minutes later, sitting next to his sister, and addressing her -" So we will meet tomorrow morning at 10 am, alright? Today you can simply relax and sleep, if you want"
Mikasa looks at him, eyebrows scrunching -"You- you don't want me to do anything?", her conscious self telling how This is Levi, not those monsters, but her unconscious self throwing doubts onto those claims, much like with Eren.
Levi and Petra both face Mikasa, both pair of hands covering her own, and the man simply replies -"No Mik - you don't have to do anything. I promise you"
He remembers what the police officer had said, warning him about her possible mistrust of people, but it's still extremely hard to face that with his own sister - trying to change the subject, he brings up his phone conversation with Eren yesterday - "By the way, Eren called yesterday - he wanted to spend some time with you. I initially said no, because I figured we were going to spend a lot more time on this, but since we're done with that step, do you want to meet up with him? I'm sure he can come here!"
The raven thinks hard about the proposal, both wanting to see her friend and both not wanting to find out if her doubt will be confirmed, stress evident in her face. Petra sense her thoughts, and quickly scoots closer to her, making sure that she will notice her.
"You can trust him, Mik - he's not going to hurt you - he wants to help you get better."
Mikasa locks eyes with the red head, and then, after a few seconds, whispers -"Can he come here?"
Levi only smiles as he picks up the phone, scrolling to Eren's number.