Dean woke feeling slightly too warm. The winter comforter hung off the bed and he snuggled further into his pillow. His dream lingered in the periphery of consciousness. Something about Sam dating a girl who was bitten by a werewolf. Dreamstate Dean drove all over town, unable to find a cure or spell or anything to help her. Letting his brother down over and over. It was one of those dreams that clamped down on his chest but he couldn't stop seeing play out over and over.

He lifted slightly out of the dream and one of his arms tingled. It could be spiders. He really fucking hated spiders and the slight tingling sensation moved across his flesh. Or he'd slept on it wrong. Dean's sleep-addled brain couldn't sort which of those made more sense; a line of dancing spiders doing the jig on his arm or having slept funny. Both seemed totally reasonable. He tried to move but his numb arm was pinned to the bed. It could be giant dancing spiders. He scrunched his face up, determined to keep his eyes shut, and remain in dreamland. He'd rather go back to the werewolf horrorshow than deal with spiders. He could wiggle his fingers. Why couldn't he move his arm?

Slowly, he lifted his lids to find wide blue eyes looking down at him.

Cas. The name came to him like a cool soothing balm.

Cas had stayed here last night. In his bed.

Dean was now very awake.

His arm was numb because he'd slept with it wrapped under Castiel's body, and now he laid next to those deep brilliant eyes too close for comfort, but he couldn't imagine looking away. "Hey, Cas."

"Good morning, Dean." Cas tilted his head with a charming half smile.

"Can I get my arm back? It's, ah, kind of stuck." He sat up a little and Cas shifted his weight, allowing Dean to pull his arm back. They laid back down face to face in the small twin bed. Dean didn't know where to put his hands. He wanted to lay them on Cas's chest or wrap one around Cas's waist or throw a leg over him and pull him even closer, but they were in pajamas and had just spent the night together. It was so totally innocent but had him more flustered than any of the times he'd had sex with a girl.

He turned to look over at Sam's bed to find him missing and the sheets neatly tucked in. Somehow that made Dean even more flustered. Sam wasn't here. He was alone in bed with Cas.

"Did you sleep well?" Cas asked casually as if it was totally normal to wake up in your best friend's bed. Your best friend, who you regularly kissed but didn't really make out with. So, was that best friend your boyfriend, or was your best friend just losing their mind? Or were you?

"Dean?"

Yep, definitely losing his mind.

"Sorry Cas, I um… I slept fine. How are you? You look better." Dean flushed, willing himself not to say anything that would dig this hole any deeper. Cas was warm, even warmer than that stupid comforter, but this time Dean wanted to wrap himself up in it.

"I'm better. Still drained but much better. Thank you for letting me stay here last night. What happened after…" Cas's voice trailed off and finally, he broke the intense eye contact. But Dean wanted it back. Now Cas looked afraid and that's the last thing he ever wanted to see.

"Everything's fine."

Cas threw a skeptical look at him.

"Really. My Dad didn't remember you even being here by the time he really came to and Bobby completely covered for us. He wants to talk to us today, get filled in on what happened, and I promised him we would."

Cas grimaced, his skin graying.

"He saw everything, Cas. There's really no getting out of it. And he lied to my dad for you; that's a really big deal in Bobby's world. I think we have to tell him the truth." Dean hated the sound of pleading in his voice but he also knew that if he didn't come clean now, Bobby might never trust him again.

Cas closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "If that's what you think is best."

"Really? Just like that? You're okay with telling him now?" Dean asked, bewildered. Cas had been fighting him on precisely this since the beginning. "What changed?"

"It's only practical," Cas's mouth was set in a hard line. "If he already saw what happened, the best chance I have of my secret being kept is to hope your trust in him isn't misplaced."

"You don't need to be scared," Dean soothed and ran a hand down Cas's arm.

"I'm not."

"Dude, I can practically smell it on you."

"Speaking of," Cas looked back at Dean, this time his blue eyes sparked with fire. "Where are my clothes?"

Dean wiggled a little, shifting his weight away from the other boy on the bed. "Oh, ah, you were covered in blood. So, I washed it off and changed your clothes."

"You... washed me?"

"Yeah, you were really a mess and there was blood everywhere. I didn't like, look or anything. I'm not a pervert."

"It's okay, Dean. I wouldn't have minded if you looked." Cas's eyes dropped away.

Dean's eyes widened and the heat in his cheeks intensified. "You wouldn't?" He blurted out oh so eloquently.

"No, I'd just rather be awake for it," Cas smirked, a cocky, confident smirk appeared right there on his stupid gorgeous face.

"Cas, man." Dean groaned, rolling partially onto his back, and ran a hand over his face. His other hand still lingered on Cas's forearm and he couldn't help squeezing as he tried to get the blood rushing through his body under control. But that didn't seem to stop Cas.

"I have to say, passed out and covered in your father's blood isn't how I imagined spending our first night together."

Dean barked out a laugh, barely able to contain the trailing giggles as Cas's smile broadened. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with you?"

"I have a few ideas." Cas leaned forward and pressed his lips against Dean's. His hand settled on Dean's hip, gripping him gently, squeezing and releasing. The kiss was soft and sweet like every other one they'd exchanged. It was so wholesome it was hard to believe it had come right after Cas's borderline dirty flirting.

"Cas," Dean breathed, pressing his lips back against Cas's and maneuvering them, so Dean hovered slightly over him. He kissed across Cas's cheek and then down his neck, fluttering sweet kisses. He licked along Cas's neck before sucking gently.

Cas groaned, low and needy, and it was all Dean could do not to just mount him, to climb on top and rut against him until they both lost control. But that wasn't what they did and he didn't know what Cas wanted because, despite his flirtations, the motherfucker was as opaque as he was silent. Dean was too afraid to take the next step, so he maintained the status quo, following Cas's lead.

Want infused his kisses until when he finally laid a hand on Cas's waist. The heat of Cas's skin just under the shirt flashed up Dean's arm. His hand clutched the other boy with need. He yearned, longed, was willing to die for just a little more. And as much as that frightened him and the implications of it confused him, he couldn't stop the desire rushing through his body.

When Dean returned to Cas's mouth, he sucked Cas's lower lip into his mouth, desperate to taste just a little more, taking a sliver more than had been offered before he could stop himself. Cas's lip was plump and Dean moaned against him before resting his forehead against Cas's and taking a deep breath. Fuck, this was going to kill him but nothing had ever felt so good. He resumed the gentle, painfully innocent kisses. Heat sparked between them like a flash lightning storm in the middle of summer. If the air was dry, they could set it all on fire just from these closed-mouth kisses.

And then Cas's tongue peeked out of his mouth and licked Dean's lip. He couldn't stop the full-body shudder that went through him. It was like an electric shock running through his veins. His whole being reacted, reaching for more. He opened his mouth and Cas licked along his lip again.

Dean's hands came to Cas's face and he pressed their now open mouths closer together, slotting them so that he could dip his tongue into Cas's mouth and finally taste him. Dean moaned, his back arching against Cas's chest as he pushed further forward, finally truly kissing Cas. He sucked on Cas's tongue, nibbled his lips, desperate to taste every part of him he could reach.

Cas slid his arm around Dean's waist and pulled him tighter, so their chests moved together as they gasped for breath between kisses. He slipped a leg between Dean's and rocked his hips into the open air still between them. Even with no contact, knowing Cas was as affected as he was by finally tasting one another made Dean bold. He slipped his hand down to Cas's chest, feeling the strength beneath the Metallica shirt of Dean's he wore. Cas's body was hard and strong, and Dean wanted nothing more than to touch all of him. He fisted the shirt, fighting to keep from slipping his hand underneath to the skin below.

Cas's hand wound around to the back of his head, gripping the short hair with a growl. His kiss was wet and filthy like he'd lost all sense of holding back and needed to consume Dean.

Dean shifted his weight so he hovered above Cas and…

"Hey, guys? You up?" The door flew wide open and Sam walked in. "Oh my God! Jesus, Fuck!" he cried as Dean vaulted off of Cas and fell with a thud to the floor.

"Good morning, Sam." Cas leaned up on his elbows and greeted him as if it was no big deal that Dean's little brother had just walked in on them getting a lot more physical.

"Bobby wants you to come downstairs," Sam mumbled quickly, eyes on the ceiling, before turning around and shutting the door.

"Maybe we should lock the door next time." Cas mused, looking down at Dean with a wicked smile, but Dean was still too lost in being interrupted during the best kiss of his fucking life to even latch onto the connotations of Cas saying next time.

"I'm gonna just…" Dean motioned toward the door and backed away, Cas's eyes tracking his every movement.

He closed the door behind him and leaned against it with a groan. Sam had some great fucking timing. Dean's insides felt like jelly like he'd been melted and put back together in a general Dean shape, still overheated and not yet solidified. He ran his hand down his face and retreated to the bathroom like the coward he was to splash cold water on his cheeks and will his half-hard cock to settle down.

Where had that been going? It felt combustible and unstoppable. Dean wanted so much more even after finally getting the kiss he'd been dreaming of. But Cas's mouth on his neck, his body hard against Dean's own. Dean ached to feel Cas's skin, claw at his flesh, lose himself in sensation. This amount of want was dangerous. It was like a landslide, pulling down trees and tearing down buildings without thought to consequences.

He took a few deep breaths and mentally focused on memories of his father salting and burning still flesh-covered bones and managed to get himself mostly under control. He peed and stepped back into the hall to head back to his room but the door was open and Cas wasn't inside. He hurried downstairs, his feet catching on the hem of his sleep pants, almost sending him ass over teakettle down the stairs.

In the kitchen, Sam talked with his hands while Cas eagerly stuffed waffles into his mouth. Wait. Cas was eating? Dean stepped into the room gawking mutely.

"You tryin' to catch flies? Get in here and get some breakfast, or are frozen waffles not good enough for you, princess?" Bobby laughed as he poured Cas a glass of orange juice.

"Shudup." Dean piled still-warm waffles on his plate and grabbed a glass before sitting at the small table, unable to stop staring at Cas.

"I know he's pretty, but you gotta stop oglin' the boy." Bobby cracked.

"No, that's not—"

Cas raised an eyebrow and a blush spread across Dean's cheeks.

"—I mean yes, you're very pretty, Cas, but I'm just not used to seeing you eat." Dean gestured with his fork before cutting his food, pointedly ignoring Sam's laughter.

"You don't eat?" Bobby asked with the kind of indifference you would if inquiring after a distant relative.

"Typically no," Cas set down his silverware and took a sip of Orange Juice. "Just like I don't usually sleep. But when I've used my… um…"

Sam piped up, "Superhero abilities?"

"He's not a fucking comic book," Dean growled.

Bobby snickered, taking all of this surprisingly in stride. "Alright, alright, whatever you wanna call it when you use 'em…" he trailed off and waited for Cas to fill in the rest of the sentence.

It was a long pause before Cas finally began speaking. Dean wanted to reassure him, offer some kind of comfort, but instead he just stuffed more waffle into his mouth.

"I become more like everyone else. I need to eat and sleep and can be injured until I'm recovered." Cas looked down and took up his utensils again.

"Then you must be fucking exhausted," Dean said.

Cas nodded while chewing, then added, "Yes, I'm still quite tired. Last time, when Dean was injured, I slept all night and was run down the next day. But this was a more severe injury, and having to find and remove the bullet is something I've never attempted before. I'm relieved to hear Dean and Sam's father recovered well."

"Does he always talk like that?" Bobby asked, making Sam laugh since he'd asked the exact same question.

"Pretty much," Dean smiled, patting Cas's arm fondly.

"Okay, so you healed Dean after some mysterious injury he neglected to tell me about—which we will discuss later—and can get from Shurly's place to here in the blink of an eye, can dissolve a bullet with the power of your freaky light show, and put John back together even though he was on the literal brink of death. What else? You don't eat or sleep unless your battery's runnin' low, and you talk like Siri. Am I missin' anything?"

Cas shifted under the scrutiny of someone laying out all his differences so directly. "Um…"

"Spit it out, boy. I can't help what I don't know about." Bobby had on his serious face and it made Cas whither.

"You're safe, Cas," Dean promised and Sam nodded.

Cas sighs heavily. "I don't know what safe feels like. I've never experienced it."

Cas takes a drink and folds his hands in his lap before letting out a deep breath and squaring his shoulders like he was taking up arms. "I don't remember anything before August last year. All the social workers seem to think I suffered some kind of trauma but that doesn't feel true. It feels like I came into existence that night on the road, not born exactly..."

Sam interrupted, "You burst from Zeus's head fully formed!"

"Something like that, perhaps." Cas smiled at Sam with gentle affection.

"Well, everything comes from somewhere. Even the things we deal with." Bobby said.

"And what exactly is that?" Cas's voice was stronger now, shifting the attention from himself. "John Winchester was not injured in a hunting accident. That bullet was from a handgun. People don't hunt with handguns. And the books you have aren't the kind of things I see in other people's homes. I think it's only fair I know who I'm exposing myself to."

Dean snickers and both Cas and Bobby shoot him an exasperated look.

"You gotta point. I guess it's time you get the talk." Bobby leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head. He chewed on his lips and stared down Cas like it was some kind of game.

Sam finally broke first. "Geez, okay Cas, so like monsters are real and our Dad fights them. That's what he's off doing right now. That's why we live with Bobby."

"Bobby fights them too, but not on the road like Dad." Dean broke in.

"Yes, I understand. Monsters are real. Dean and I have discussed this. But what are you?" Cas asked.

"Hunters. Dad and Bobby hunt the monsters and cut their heads off." Dean watches for Cas's reaction, terrified he's going to decide his dad and Bobby are the bad guys or that he's in danger now that he knows the family business.

Cas hums and takes another bite of his now cold waffle. "Have you ever encountered someone like me?" he asks too casually. If Dean didn't know him so well, he wouldn't think anything of it, but he could see the slight narrowing of Cas's eyes and the tight hold he had on his fork.

"No, I'm sorry, son. Ain't never heard of nothin' that heals without some kind of price or deal. Witches and crossroads demons can make that happen, but always at the cost of your soul."

"I'm neither of those things," Cas spat vehemently, dropping his fork.

"I didn't figure you were." Bobby nodded calmly.

"What about the voices?" Sam asked innocently and Dean winced. He knew Cas was avoiding that.

Dean took pity on Cas—who had so far spoken more than Dean had ever heard around anyone other than him and Meg—and explained about the symbol Cas had drawn and the voices he heard and how it was all amplified in the panic room.

"So there's more out there like you," Bobby stated with a nod and Cas tilted his head. "Whatever you're hearing, it's tied into this power of yours somehow. Sounds like a psychic connection of some kind. You're picking up on it but don't know how to filter it or understand it."

"So can we just flip him from AM to FM? Then he'd know what it was?" Sam asked.

Bobby shrugged and Cas frowned.

"I'm not a radio."

Dean sat forward, looking at his brother, riffing off his idea because the kid was smart and might just be onto something. "Yeah, but, if Bobby's right and we can tune you or whatever to get the channel clearer, maybe you'd get some answers." Dean turned to Cas, eyes hopeful, but Cas wouldn't look up.

"We should try putting you back in the panic room," Sam stood up like he was going to head down there right now.

"Slow down, Sammy. Cas still isn't 100%." Dean chuckled.

"Yes, I am still quite tired."

"Do you want to lay back down?" Dean offered. Seeing Cas tired or low or sad or really anything but that brilliant smile he got when he and Dean were alone made him want to reach out and touch him. Cas always seemed to relax when Dean ran his hand over his arm or held hands in the Impala. The guy carried so much tension and fear around with him all the time, it made Dean beam to know he could soothe him. He knew Cas was—what had he said—very tactile from what he'd seen of him and Meg, and being the one to give him that comfort swelled Dean up like a balloon at a kid's birthday party.

"No, I should return home." Cas slumped, his shoulders curling in slightly.

"I already called Chuck, told him ya'll came down with a stomach bug last night here studying and I'd watch over ya so you didn't spread it to the rest of the boys over there. You're good to stay here another day at least."

Cas looked up at Bobby, eyes wide and the way his whole face relaxed. Dean could see the relief come over him. He knew things were bad at Chuck's but seeing Cas's response to just another day away from there was like a gut punch.

"Thank you, Bobby," he almost whispered, voice huskier than he had any right to.

"I told you—you can trust him. It's all gonna be okay, Cas." Dean stood up and put a hand on Cas's shoulder, finally deciding not to bother holding back in front of Bobby. Sam was probably right and Bobby knew already anyway, and not touching Cas when he was so soft was killing him. "Why don't we get dressed and go hang out." He squeezed Cas's shoulder and felt the moment he leaned into the touch.

Cas nodded silently and followed close behind Dean.

Upstairs, Dean changed in the bathroom after lending Cas a pair of jeans to wear. He gathered all the clothes from last night and put them in the washer on their way outside. Bobby stopped them at the back door with a glimmer in his eye that couldn't mean anything but trouble.

"Now, Castiel, do I have to give you the other talk? You know, just cause I ain't Dean's daddy don't mean I won't hold a shotgun wedding right here if you get him pregnant."

Cas's entire body seized up, his mouth dropped open and his eyes almost bugged out of his head. He made a sound that more resembled a choke than words.

Fire blazed to life in Dean's face. He was so red it actually burned his skin and if he thought he was embarrassed by Sam walking in on them kissing, he now knew that had been nothing. "Bobby!" he basically squealed—but not really because Dean would never squeal—"What the fuck?"

Bobby shrugged, "I just wanna make sure we're all clear. I've buried bodies in this scrap yard before; I'll do it again."

"He's not exaggerating," Sam added oh so helpfully from the entrance to the kitchen.

"We're just gonna go now." Dean grabbed Cas's hand and dragged his still stupefied self out of the house and over to the Junktrunk.

Dean released a huge exhale when he got into the driver's seat and started laughing, making Cas jump. "I'm sorry, I just—shit! Sam said Bobby knew about us but I wasn't expecting that."

Cas turned from the passenger seat and tilted his head. "Why wouldn't Bobby know about us?"

Dean narrowed his eyes.

"Have you not… am I a secret?" Hurt flashed across Cas's face like it had never occurred to him not to talk about whatever was happening between them. "You said we were friends."

"Yeah, of course, we are, but you know, the other stuff."

"Kissing." Cas filled in helpfully. Sometimes Dean could punch him for being so fucking obtuse.

"Yeah, that, um, not everyone is cool about that."

"I don't understand."

"About us, being that way, together."

"Ahh, like your friends who called me a faggot."

The word hit Dean hard and he must have flinched because Cas was reaching out for him but Dean backed away, avoiding contact in a way he never did with Cas.

"Those guys—they aren't my friends. And they shouldn't have said that to you. Look, not everyone understands. I knew Bobby would but I was still nervous about him knowing."

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas lays his hands on his lap and looks at them.

"Why? You didn't do a single thing wrong. Bobby knows and he's cool with it." Dean shrugged. "No harm, no foul."

"What about if someone who isn't 'cool with it' finds out?" Cas asks the question—including air quotes—that Dean's been avoiding asking himself since this started. If people know, then he has to deal with what all this means beyond how it feels when he's with Cas.

"I don't know, man." Dean sighs and looks out the open door. "I mean, I don't even… like, what do you—you know, you and Meg…"

"I already told you that there's nothing between Meg and I. We talked and I've put a stop to all that. It's only what you see at school and if that bothers you, I'd implore you to tell me." Cas gave an exasperated sigh.

Dean shakes his head. "No, you two are fine. You're weird but cute, and I kind of get it now. I just meant, when you and Meg were—were more… you said it was just—"

"Dean, I didn't understand what being physical with someone meant. I understand now." Cas's voice is quiet and soothing, pulling Dean to look back into his earnest face.

Dean runs a hand through his hair. "I just didn't want to assume. I thought, maybe, this was just like that had been."

"And that upset you." Cas scooted as close to Dean as he could and turned to face him. Dean started to feel annoyed with this whole conversation. Why couldn't Cas just be normal for once in his fucking life?

"Well, Cas, I'm not always good at knowing what you're thinking, you spend more time trying to get me to talk than you do actually talking yourself and I don't really want to go through all the bullshit of being with a guy and—and those stupid, small-minded people if you're just enjoying being touched. So if this is just fun, then I'm still your friend and shit, but maybe we shouldn't—"

Cas cut him off with a kiss. There was no warning, just Cas diving for Dean's mouth and throwing a leg over him so he was sitting in his lap in the driver's seat. Holy Shit, Cas was in his lap! Dean's brain shut down as he wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him closer.

Before Dean had a second to even try to get his higher brain functions working again, Cas reached out with his tongue. The kiss was uncoordinated and harried, but Cas's hands were everywhere, gripping the back of Dean's neck, pulling him tighter, wrapped in his hair, clutching his side, heating Dean up with every touch.

"Cas," Dean moaned, lifting his hips up against the unexpected person now writhing in his lap. This was so much more of Cas than he'd ever thought he'd have. Dean's hands gripped his back, gasping at the movement of his muscular body, he was strong and lithe, and Dean loved the way he felt against him.

"Does this feel like I only want to be your friend?" The rumble of Cas's voice ran through Dean's body, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. He breathed against Dean's neck before sucking on the skin there and dragging his teeth along the muscle.

"I've seen how you kissed Meg." Dean tried to keep his voice even, like it was no big deal, like it wasn't something that followed him around and haunted him.

Cas stilled. He sat back, lips wet and short of breath, but sadness in his eyes. "Still this? What do I have to do to convince you?"

Dean shrugged. "I don't know."

"And if I did convince you, would you still not want people to know?"

And there was the million-dollar question.

Dean squirmed and Cas climbed off of his lap with a huff, eyes narrowing as he stared Dean down. "I guess—I guess I don't know that either."

Cas leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. "Can we drive for a while? I need a minute."

Dean nods and turns the engine. "Sure, Cas. Anything you want."

Cas huffs another annoyed sound before turning his head away from Dean.

Dean drives aimlessly for a while, annoyed that Cas won't even look at him now. How had he suddenly become the bad guy? All he wanted was some fucking clarity. He knew that made it sound like he wanted to have some big emotional chick-flick moment but that really wasn't it. He just didn't want to think one thing and find out later he was wrong. He didn't want to like how Cas felt pressed up against him and then find out he'd let himself take this big fucking risk only to be Cas's latest scratching post.

And he knew that wasn't fair. Cas never even had sex with Meg and said they'd stopped being so physical a while ago because it felt wrong, and then stopped all of it when he realized what it meant… what it meant to Dean. So he'd basically given up his girlfriend for Dean, even if it was just a touch thing. Jesus. He felt stupid and confused and still wasn't sure what Cas fucking wanted because the guy was incapable of just telling him straight. Ha. Straight.

Dean wanted to punch himself right in the brain.

And what did he want Cas to say? He knew what he wanted when they were alone, but was he really going to start holding his hand at school? Was he really willing to deal with douchebags like Victor and Gordon knowing about them? Was he willing to be gay?

Did he have a fucking choice?

His mind spun and he kept driving, spinning round and round in his head between his heart and his head, his wants and his fears. Soon he pulled up in front of the old school bus and stopped the car. Cas didn't even say anything before he'd climbed out and made his way onto the bus and up to the roof. By the time Dean caught up to him, Cas was standing there in that still, statuesque way, staring up at the sky.

"I'd like to see the northern lights someday," Cas said cryptically without turning around.

"Can't you just blip there?" Dean asked, trying to keep his voice light.

"Hmm, maybe. I've never tried to go that far."

Dean reached out and took Cas's hand in his, the way he only ever did when they were alone like this. "Don't go now, okay? Try some other time."

"It isn't even noon, Dean. Even in Iceland, it's still daytime."

"I know, I just mean, you're far away and… I don't want you to go." He squeezed Cas's hand and wiped his face with the other, chasing away the tingling sensation in his nose.

"It's been a long few days." Cas pulled his hand away. "I don't think any of us should do anything rash."

"What does that mean?" Dean's hand was cold and hurt bloomed in his chest, taking up the space where the oxygen was supposed to be. "What the fuck, Cas?"

"You are infuriating." Cas finally met his eyes and Dean drew back from the coldness that greeted him. It was like Cas had turned off his emotion chip and had fallen back into emptiness.

"I'm infuriating?" Dean said, shoving Cas with both hands and not moving him a millimeter. "What do you even want from me?" He yelled, the corners of his eyes burning and his nose twitching.

"Everything!" Cas yelled back, letting go finally. It felt like the first time Dean had seen the real him. All the layers of coldness and protection fell away, and it left Cas raw, standing before him like a burning bush. His heat lashed out and reached for Dean, searing his skin without even making contact. The air crackled around him and for a moment, Dean could see the power Cas kept locked down, the unadulterated pureness of his being. Cas seemed to flicker in and out of reality.

Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath, but Dean stepped close, grabbing both his hands. "Don't. Don't go."

"You're afraid of me."

"I'm in awe of you." Dean released his hands and instead placed them on Cas's cheeks. "Say what you have to say. You hide so much—.please, just talk to me."

Cas trembled under Dean's touch. He looked up and the white light of his power shone behind his usual blue eyes.

Dean kissed him sweetly, refusing to shy away from the brightness that shone from Cas even with his eyes closed. After a moment, he pulled them down so they sat, cross-legged, knees touching, hands twisted together. And then he did the hardest thing yet. He waited.

He waited while Cas gazed around him at Dean's kingdom of rust and steel. He waited while Cas stared up as if seeking answers in the heavens. He waited as Cas gripped his hands like a lifeline.

"Do you know I'm not even a year old?" Cas said flatly, his voice betraying no emotion. Always so fucking cryptic. "My documents say I'll turn eighteen on November 5th, but I got here in August last year."

Cas paused, looking over Dean's shoulder in an unfocused way.

"I was in three different foster homes before they gave up on me and sent me to Chuck's, with the delinquents and deviants. Apparently, I made the foster families uncomfortable. I lay awake every night with my eyes closed, pretending to sleep so no one will find out about me when I don't even know what I am. I eat even though it tastes like… like the separate parts of food but not food itself, just to stay under the radar. I get answers wrong on tests so no one will notice I already know it all. And through it, I had one friend. One person who didn't make me feel like—well, like an alien."

Dean imagined he could feel the sun moving across the sky. It was so agonizing to wait.

Cas smiled softly. "But I never told Meg anything about the real me. I knew if I did, she'd either turn me away or she'd be in danger. And yes, she's seen me do things I shouldn't be able to do, but she holds up her end of the lie so we can continue.

"And then you got hurt. And I risked everything for you. I did it again last night. I always come when you call and I am your friend."

He stops speaking and just runs his thumbs across Dean's hands.

"Why? Why me?" Dean asked.

Cas's face softens and his mouth quirks up to the left slightly. His eyes take on a far away quality that highlights his sharp features.

"You, Dean Winchester, are kind. I saw it the first week of school when your brother came to that awful family night and you sat with him and laughed and treated him like he was your friend instead of ignoring him like everyone else would have. I saw it when those jocks tried to bully Garth and you stepped up and took him under your wing. You're still friends with him because you saw past his gawkiness and borderline sociopathic optimism to the good man he will one day be."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, you got Garth pegged."

Cas nodded. "And you too. I know you, Dean."

Dean looked down and shook his head. "That's not who I am."

"It is. You think you're something less, but it's not true. I don't know who taught you to think less of yourself. From what you've said, I imagine it was your father. But that's not who you are."

Dean tried to interrupt but Cas shook his head and kept going.

"Every time I think something is going to scare you away, you stay. Every time I think I'm going to be a burden to you, you somehow make me feel welcome. You help me without even needing to be asked, just like you do for everyone else. You changed my life that day when I healed you. You changed me. I used to think like Sam, that I must not actually be human because I didn't understand or feel the things everyone around me did, but with you, I think maybe that's not true because you make me feel things I never imagined."

Cas looked down at their hands, still intertwined and smiled.

"You ask me what I want from you as if there's a simple answer, like there's just one thing I can order like a burger at the drive-thru, but it's not simple."

He looked up and held Dean's gaze in a way that pulled Dean forward with that familiar draw that always made Dean want to touch him, that held him captive to Cas.

"I want everything."

Dean's breath caught again and he felt ridiculous as his eyes blurred and the taste of salt dripped into his mouth. "Cas…"

Cas shook his head. "You don't have to say anything."

Dean smiled and pulled one hand away to wipe his face. "Your throat must hurt. You've never talked that much in your life." He chuckled and sniffed before looking back at Cas's still open and waiting face. "You make it sound so easy."

"It is." Cas smiled. "You and me. It's easy."

Dean shook his head a little, using the back of his hand to wipe his face again. "The real world doesn't work that way. The real world doesn't care about if you're good or kind. It shouts that God hates fags. It spits at you and rips you apart. The real world is cruel, Cas."

"Then we'll make it kinder." Cas, in all his naivety, smiled. "Bobby and Sam are kind. Our friends—because now, thanks to you, I'm someone who has friends—are kind. I believe there are more like us than there are like those who are cruel."

"I want that to be true, I do, but I don't know if I can be the one to invite all that attention. I feel like I'm letting you down, like you're gonna think I don't… like I don't care or something, but it's not that."

"Dean, what do you think I'm asking for?" Cas asked with his soft kindness.

"I can't, like, be your boyfriend or whatever," Dean mumbled. "Not out there with other people. Not yet."

"Okay," Cas said, still watching Dean's face.

"Just okay? You aren't mad?" Dean risked looking up and saw nothing but affection in Cas's eyes. How did he ever earn this, this look? He was nothing, a useless son of a hunter who couldn't even keep up on the road with his Dad. He couldn't do a good enough job looking after Sammy so John had just dropped them and barely looked back. He settled for assholes for friends because he couldn't do any better until he had Cas in his life to draw people like Benny and Charlie in. What did Cas think he saw? All the things he'd said, it was bullshit. Dean knew it and Cas would know it too soon enough.

"Yes, Dean, just okay. Now that I understand, I accept it. What did you think I would do, yell?"

Dean shrugged. "Or leave. Give up on me."

Cas chuckled, but it wasn't the cruel laughter of someone who didn't care. It was warm and soothing. "I'm used to secrets. I'm good at secrets. I don't understand this fascination with sexual orientation people seem to have, but I accept that I'm not like everyone else. I don't want to make your life harder. I just want to be with you. And Dean, I know you worry-"

Dean scoffed and Cas raised an eyebrow at him to shut him up.

"I know you worry, but this isn't like it was with Meg. It's frightening and new and so much more than I understand. I thought that was just me missing something again, but maybe that's true for both of us."

Dean nodded and they sat together in comfortable silence, this time without the tension and questions roiling in the air between them. Just the two of them, sitting on top of an old bus in a junkyard holding hands. It was kind of perfect.

"I can't believe Sam walked in on us making out." Dean blurted into the quiet, laughter on his lips. "I think he's going to be scared for life.

Cas laughed and this time, it lit up his eyes and made his nose crinkle with the strength of his smile.

"We definitely need to learn how to lock a door. And Cas? Thanks for talking and stuff."

"I'm sorry I didn't realize you needed it. I will try to be more clear."

"Yeah, I mean, it's cool. I just get stuck in my head sometimes, I guess." Dean shifted and looked down.

"That's your problem, Dean. You have no faith." Cas leaned in and kissed him gently. "Have faith in me," he breathed against Dean's lips before kissing him again and again until Dean's mind stilled and he couldn't think about anything but the sweetness of Cas's lips against his.